Independence
by Norwalker
Summary: What did Willow and Faith discuss in that little car trip from L.A. to Sunnydale in season 7? And what were the consequences? A Willow Faith story
1. Part 1

Independence  
  
By Norwalker 

Part1 of

Summary: What did Willow and Faith discuss in that little car trip from L.A. to Sunnydale in season 7? And what were the consequences? A Willow/ Faith story

Rating: R, Very R

Category: romance/drama/angst

Spoilers: Possible season 7 spoilers. Possible season 4 Angel spoilers. C'mon, you must have seen 'em by now!

Time Line: Mid season 7(after the return of Faith) and beyond

Disclaimer: Joss Whedon , Mutant Enemy and Fox own them.

**_Warnings_**: Adult themes, violence, sexual situations between members of the same gender. **_Please be aware, character death is always a distinct possibility. It can happen here, so don't say I didn't warn you!!!_** Any racist remarks are spoken by the characters, and are in no way shared by the author. This story is not meant for children.

_To Pasha. Thanks for the inspiration.  
_

* * *

Independence

* * *

  


Day breaks over the New Mexico horizon like an angry child. The starry night is scattered like broken toys by the angry red rays of a new day. A Vermillion glow washes over the early morning desert floor, driving the night creatures back into hiding; their hunting done for now, they wait for night to once again come.

Above the floor of the desert, on one of the many buttes that rise above the desert floor sits a small tent. Parked beside the tent is a classic Harley road king touring bike, looking as if it's guarding the tent's occupant. The sunrise hasn't reached the top yet, and the table flat plateau sits in semi darkness. The remains of a small cooking fire complete the picture, as the sun edges up the walls of the surrounding cliffs.

A young woman emerges from the tent. She is in her early 20's, is wearing dark jeans , a red t-shirt and boots. Her raven wing colored hair flows in long waves, and her eyes are dark and piercing. Around her neck is a small silver cross; if you look carefully you can make out "faith" inscribed on its vertical crossbar. As if embracing this shadowy transition between night and day, the young woman stretches her arms out high and wide, her fingers seeming to grasp at the sky.

Faith is enjoying the early morning coolness. Never much one for mornings, or daytime for that matter, the desert brings out a different desire in her. She enjoys the early morning war between night and day for dominance. The cool, crisp desert air feels good against her skin and in her lungs. There is something in the stillness that nourishes her soul, making the raging wars inside her calm for a moment, giving her a brief, all too brief, sense of peace. Here she can think, figure out what she's going to do next.

It's been nearly a year now since she helped Buffy, Willow, the scoobies and a freshly minted group of slayers to defeat the First Evil. It'd been tough going, personally and professionally, but they'd overcome the First, and in the end saved the world… once again. But there'd been costs. A lot of good people lost their lives, the town of Sunnydale was nothing more than a crater by the sea, and in the confusion and the aftermath of the battle, Faith had lost the woman she'd begun to love.

Still crying over spilt milk, Faith? Kinda late now ,don't ya think? You made your decision long months ago, back in that hotel in L.A. ' I need my freedom' you told her. Don't you remember? ' I'm not ready to settle in one place. I need to find out who I am, where I fit.' That's what you said, girl. You weren't ready to love just one person, isn't that what you thought? After 3 years in prison, you needed space, freedom, independence. You had an itch, and you had to scratch it. That didn't include some little town somewhere in Nowheresville with someone tying you down. You needed to run fast, party hard and chase those rainbows til the colors ran dry. You were free, at last, and that wasn't gonna change, was it?

So here ya are, baby, somewhere in Where the Hell am I, New Mexico, where the highways cross. You got you're bike( thanks, G, for swingin' it for me), you got you're tent so you can get away from the cheapie motels sometimes, you got your freedom. Kickin' it free and easy, no worries. Work a little when ya gotta, and party til the night becomes day. Making the little boys and girls all hot and sweaty… get a little, then gettin your ass gone. Like old times, baby. Work a little, fight a little, love a little more. It's sweet, right? Wouldn't trade it for nothin', right? Everythin's five by five.

So how come I'm not lovin' it so much? Why do I keep seeing her eyes, those eyes, the way they looked the night I told her it aint happenin', we aint happenin? She looked at me like I cut her with a knife. She was so hurt. The pain, the betrayal I saw there… ran a chill through my heart. Why is it, when I see someone who kinda looks like her, I get all fluttery and nervous? Why, God, when I think I hear her voice, my heart nearly stops beating? Then beats so hard, like it's gonna ram outta my chest? Why do I still smell her on me after all this time? Why can't I forget the way her lips feel on mine? How her touch just sends little fireballs through me? Why won't she go away?

Faith stands as if frozen, lost in her thoughts. Her eyes gaze out over the landscape; it's breathtaking this time of morning… but she sees only what's inside her. She's still… so still as if she's almost stopped breathing. It seems to go on forever. But then the spell is broken, and she's back on the plateau… in her life again.

Get over it, Faith. You made your choice. No one put a gun to your head and told you to go away. You didn't want that life, you didn't want her. You don't need her. You're free. You can choose your life, no one can tell you what to do, what to be. You know what you gotta do. Time to get on with your life. Time to put the past away, and find your destiny. Go for it, Faith. All she'd do is hold you back, keep you from being what you're meant to be. It's over, it's done, time to forget her, forget it all, and go. You don't need her, you don't need anyone.

LIAR

I'm free, dammit. I'm free! I've done my time, paid my dues. I outta here. No more chains, no more prisons. I'm done. I'm happy. Never been so happy. I got it good, I'm livin' large, and I've never been so fucking happy.

LIAR

Faith starts to clean up the campsite. She scatters the ashes, and starts to strike the tent. Time to move on, time to see what's coming on the next bend, and she'll be damned if she sits here being all weepy and mournful. She's young, free, and damned she's hot. She can have whatever she wants, and she's gonna damn well get it to.

LIAR. LOSER. LIAR.

Faith rolls up the tent, and ties it to the back of the bike. She shakes out her bedroll, and starts to roll it up.

Fuck you. They tried that on me. They played the guilt trip on me once. I paid and paid and paid. Don't EVEN try it on me, I don't listen to that crap no more.

LIAR.LOSER.LIAR. LOSER. LIAR,LIAR, LIAR, LIAR

SHUT THE FUCK UP! I don't want her. Don't need her. She was a good time in bed. That's all. THAT'S ALL!

Faith throws the bedroll in the saddlebag, angrily. Damn, fucking damn let me alone! She consciously ignores the irritating internal voice that hounds her. She grabs her pack off the ground, and slings it on the bike. She secures the straps, and then goes to her saddlebags again. She rummages around and grabs out a leather riding jacket . She shrugs on the jacket and pulls her hair back and ties it into a pony tail. Grabbing her helmet, she puts it on, dropping the visor. She hops the bike, and starts the engine. She rolls towards the trail leading down the butte, and stops.

Where now? East is Texas. I go North, gonna hit Colorado or Utah. South to Mexico…that might not be a bad. West… she stops. She doesn't want to think what's west. Who's to the west. But she can't not think about her, either. Don't go there… don't do it. Leave her alone. She doesn't need the pain, you don't need the pain. Let her be. No west. We won't go west. She backs off the trail, and starts circling the plateau on the bike, thinking… thinking. Go. Don't go! Do it, go for it! I won't, that's over. You want her, you NEED her. You know you do. So do it. NO.NO. NO. Kiss her, Bite her, and take her. She wants it. She wants YOU. No, I won't, I won't, I can't. I CAN'T. …. STOP!!!!!!!!!!!!

Faith's front wheel is inches from the edge of the plateau. Her heart is beating fast. She almost took it over the edge. She looks down, and the highway below looks like a small black ribbon. The adrenaline pours through her, and she's twitchy and angry. She backs away from the edge, and halts the bike. Fuck me, this is nuts… and it's done.

Faith heads towards the trail, her decision made. She heads down the trail , taking it slowly, watching for the curves on the switchback. Finally, she's on the desert floor again. She rides down the trail a bit, stops, and looks back where she'd camped. She cranes her neck up, and sits for a second, thinking about it. What the hell was I thinking? Lets get the hell outta here, and back to something called civilization! Turning the bike back towards the highway, she roars towards the blacktop, The day is getting hotter, and she wants to hit a town, or something, and get something cold to help on her journey. She figures she'll be outta New Mexico before nightfall. When she hits the highway, she turns left.

And goes west.

* * *

Willow Rosenberg wondered when it would end.

Never, if this client doesn't grow a brain sometime soon! Willow growls to herself, then , feeling embarrassed, chastises herself for being a meanie. It's not his fault he's not up on networking security. That's my job. Also my job to sell him on the concept. I just have to put it a different way; make it more accessible to him. Just write it a little differently…I'm sure he'll get it this time. She sighs, and starts to review the current proposal, seeing where she can make changes to simplify the presentation even more. Simpler than the last 6 times she's written it. Maybe if we drew it like a comic strip… make the Secure Network the hero, fending off the evil Hacker dude…yeah, we could make the hacker a vampire…coming to suck the blood of the network…. Willow rolls her eyes, and shakes her head. This is nuts. That's so unprofessional Will. You're not doing your job, and you're blaming the client for it. I gotta make this better…but how, dammit? How can I make this better? What do I have to do? Write it to a sixth grader?

Willow tossed the sheets in frustration, making a loud, and rather rude noise to go with it. Her mind just wasn't on it… hadn't been on it. Well, you better get your mind on it, Will, pronto. This is what you wanted. You NEED this client… this could make or break you! ummm… overdramatic, much? Ok, it's not that bad, but this client could be worth a whole lot to your business. Millions lot. So you damned better well get your head out of wherever it is , and get this proposal shaped up where he can accept it.

Willow looked again at the proposal, honestly trying to make revisions on it. But her mind kept drifting, and the words kept blurring… she just didn't have her head or heart in it. That was dangerous, since this was her life. Her company. Do or die time, Will.

She'd started the company about six months ago, after moving to the bay area. She'd worked for a networking security company for awhile, but it'd been a total bust. She ran into so many gender and political walls, she could never get her ideas across. It was frustration beyond the max, and she finally quit in frustration. Seeming to have a lot of that, lately. She decided she had to start her own firm, so her ideas could be utilized. Didn't seem likely it was going to happen any other way. So, she took the insurance money on the Sunnydale house( her mom and dad had gifted her the house a few years back), borrowed more money from her parents, hocked herself up to her eyeballs, and started WillNet. A networking design and security/services firm. They were still in the infant stages: She had exactly 2 full time employees beside herself. There was Chris, and M.I.T. Grad who ate, breathed and slept networking. He was a designer extraordinaire. If it had to do with Routers, Hubs, switches, cabling, he was your man. Protocols? He ate protocols for breakfast. He was able to do things Willow hadn't conceived of. Genius came to mind when you thought Chris and Networks. Then there was Layne… her office manager, receptionist, accountant… her all around wonder woman. If everything ran smoothly, if there were no hitches or glitches, that was because of Layne's touch. These two became so integral, so valuable to her, that after a month she gave them each a 10% share of the business in reward , or as a bribe to keep them. When… and it was gonna be when, no ifs here, this proposal went through, and they landed the account, Will planned to increase their shares another 5% each.

Besides Layne and Chris, she had a few part-timers. A couple of talented networking people to help Chris realize his design, and a sales guy…he was good, and worked on a small base plus commission and bonus. He'd help bring in clients… this was his client they were proposing to at the moment. IF they landed this, he was definitely being brought on full time. He was worth it.

No, her people were good. Excellent. They did their jobs, and often more, because they believe in her. She wanted to be that person they believed in. She wanted to be that 'inspiring' leader that makes a company special. She had everything on the line here; this was her life, the life she desired. That's what she'd said in L.A. This is what she needed…it was real, something you could hold onto , feel. She should be happy, doing her thing. If she could only get her head outta the clouds. If she could only settle down. If she could only forget her.

Goddess, why now? Everything is riding on this proposal, I gotta make it work. And she keeps horning in on my thoughts. She won't let me alone. She won't go away. But that's the problem. She DID leave me alone, she did go away. But she won't get out of my head, my heart, or my blood. And just like when she was real, she comes in and bugs me at the most inconvenient times. When I need to think of other things, do other stuff. She walks in, demands my attention, gets in my face, and makes me notice her. I notice her. Cuz I want to, I have to. I have no choice.

Willow opens her desk drawer, and pulls out a picture. It's her picture. She's smiling for the camera, looking confident, sure of herself. Looking pretty cocky, aren't you? Like you always do. Like you own the world, own me! Look at you grinning. Like you just ate the canary, and now want more. Grrr. You probably think , if you walked through that door, that I'd just get all weak kneed and tongue tied and all nervy and crazy. That'd I do anything to keep you here. That I'd kiss your pretty ass to keep you here. You're so damned full of yourself. You always were! You're nothing, hear? Nothing! You don't mean anything to me! Screw you!

Willow, upset, throws the picture hard against the far wall, the glass shatters and the picture lands on the floor, face down. She sits looking at the mess on the floor, then sighs, and grabbing the wastebasket by her desk, goes to where the debris is. he kneels down, carefully picking up the shards of glass to avoid cutting herself. She picks up the frame, broken and twisted by the impact. She carefully extracts the photo inside it, and tosses the frame.

Not so special now, are you? Just a hunk of paper with an image on you. Willow looks at the photo, torn in a couple of places by the shards of glass. She rubs her thumb over it, almost as if she can feel her silken hair, her soft skin. She can almost smell the way her hair smelled, taste the lips on hers. Nothing now. Torn up now, like you tore up my heart. You didn't love me, did you? You didn't give a damn, did you? I was just a toy to you, something to play with and toss away when you got bored. Bitch! I hate you! I hate you so much! I HATE YOU!

Willow feels her lip trembling, her heart beating fast in her chest. She feels the tears stinging in her eyes, and the choking feeling she gets whenever she thinks of her. No, you bitch. I won't! I won't cry over you again! You won't make me cry over you again. I'm done with tears. I'm done with you! You threw me away; you treated me like dirt. No, not even as good as dirt, you treated me like nothing. Like I meant nothing. Is that it? I meant nothing? Bitch, you Bitch. You 'couldn't be tied down'. Oh no, like I'd so chain you to me! ' I need my freedom, my independence!' Well, I hope you're liking it! I hope you choke on it! Cuz I'm so over you! I don't need you! I don't need anyone. I'm good, I'm so good without you. I'm better without you! I'm strong, dammit! I strong. You don't… you can't hurt me anymore!!!!!!

But Will is lying to herself, as she always does when it comes to her. She sits looking at the picture, the tears streaming down her face, her breath coming out in small, heartfelt sobs. Her lip quivers more, and she sits down on her haunches, giving herself over to her grief. Again. Like so many, too many times before.

After awhile she pulls herself together, and gets up from the floor. She returns the wastebasket to its spot, and careful puts the picture, now frameless , in her top drawer. She looks at the desk, knowing she has to get this proposal done. She looks down at the papers on her desk, the projections on the screen of her monitor, and in a rare snit of temper, sweeps her arm across the desk, sending papers flying and the monitor crashing to the floor. She sits there, looking at the mess, and a small, humorless laugh barks out of her throat. She's tired, she doesn't want to deal with the poopy headed client, she NEEDS to get out of this office, get some fresh air.

She marches to her office door, feeling the weight of the world temporarily slipping off her shoulders. She knows it'll all be here when she gets back. But she doesn't give a rats patootie right now. She just wants out. Needs out. She opens the door, and leaves her office.

" I'm going out!" She calls to no one in particular, heading for the suite doors.

"What about the proposal?" Layne calls out, a little worried. Willow looks… postal.

" Screw the proposal. Aw… screw it all!" she says, and without ceremony, leaves the offices and slams the door behind her.

* * *

Los Angeles, California

Angel Investigations

1 year ago.

Willow stood looking down at the sleeping woman

The woman looked awful. She was pale, and had dark circles under her eyes. Her normally lustrous dark hair was matted with sweat, and her pale face also had a sheen of sweat. Her breathing was shallow, her pulse reedy and rapid

They weren't sure she was going to survive. She had taken a powerful hallucinogen called Orpheus. It was used to give a rush to humans who paid vampires to bite them. Both the vampire and human were affected by the drug. But it was said to " Send you on a path to hell, and leave you there". So what was Willow's interest in this woman? It was Faith, and she'd taken the drug to capture the soulless Angelus, to bring him back alive so Willow could restore his soul.

The restoration had been accomplished, but it had taken some time. The container with Angel's soul had been lost, and it had taken some time and magic to release the soul, and restore it to Angel. Angel's vampiric constitution had mostly recovered from the effects of the drugs. But Faith was still touch and go.

Angel stood opposite Willow at Faith's beside. Willow could see the concern he had for the dark slayer. She found it odd that out of all the people that knew Faith, it took Angel to stick by her, believe in her. No matter what. Even though she'd tried to kill him. Instead of hating her, he understood what she was going through, and felt empathy for her. It was Angel that finally got Faith to see that she needed to redeem herself, to atone. She had no chance at peace until she did. After the 'specialists' sent by the council to kill Faith had been dispatched by Angel and…yes, Buffy , Faith turned herself in. She could've easily run, but she didn't. She chose to change.

As Willow stood looking at Faith, she had to admit she had conflicting feelings about the dark slayer. It used to be so easy. Faith bad, hate Faith. Faith had done some awful things to Buffy and her scoobies during the time they knew her. She'd tried to blame Buffy for Alan Finch's death, tried to kill Angel and Willow both. If Buffy hadn't stabbed her on the rooftop outside Faith's apartment, sending her into a coma, Faith would probably have tried to kill Buffy too. She did switch bodies with Buffy, causing mayhem, nearly getting Buffy sent to England in Faith's body(and almost killed, by the same team that later went to L.A. to kill Faith).But the switch did something to Faith. It started a snowballing change in her, which allowed Angel to finally reach her… and made her realize she had to pay for her crimes. Find redemption in herself, so she could leave the dark path she'd started on.

She looks so fragile Willow thought, as she took a cool dampened cloth and patted Faith's face with it. It's hard to believe this is the same woman that's as strong as Buffy, and nearly killed us all. Willow wanted to dismiss her, write off her sacrifice as some weird obligation she felt for Angel. It wasn't so easy, however. Willow had all too recently gone into the darkness. She'd killed a man( well, human, man is a bit of a stretch to describe Warren), flaying him alive. She'd tried to kill two others, and nearly destroyed the world in her grief and rage. But it wasn't all just grief and rage. She'd been seduced by the power offered by the dark magicks. As she'd said to Buffy " I understand it now. It's not about the violence. It's about the power". What had scared her most was that she found this darkness residing inside her soul. That she'd had this all along. She had it still, and was doing her own 'atonement'. She never thought it possible, but she felt an empathy for Faith. She now understood her; understood how the darkness could draw you in, give you power, and change you. So easy, so simple to walk that road. So easy to get lost, thinking you're in control. So hard to come back, to find the light again. I had it so easy, in comparison to her. I had friends to support me, to get me through the pain, to lead me back. Faith had only Angel, and she sought to expunge her sins the hardest way possible. In prison. Alone. In some small way, Willow had to admire Faith. She'd laid her life on the line for someone she cared about. She could've easily turned her back on him, but didn't. Angel never gave up on Faith; she refused to give up on him.

Willow sees movement in Faith, and leans over her. Faith's eyes open, looking bleary and a little unfocused. Willow smiles, trying to reassure her, and leans over when she hears Faith mumble something. A very powerful hand grips her by the throat.

"What're you doin' here, Red?" Faith says, her voice low and guttural. Her voice may be weak, but her grip isn't.

Willow, choking a little under Faith's grip, is unable to do anything but make some strangling noises.

"Faith!" Angel cries, rushing over and restraining Faith's hand." Willow's only here to help".

"Yeah, I bet she is" Faith says, suspiciously. But she releases Willow's throat. She turns to Angel, " Angel? You're back?" Faith says, her voice softening. Her face, so hard looking, softens a little seeing Angel. " Welcome back".

" Yeah, thanks" Angel says, quietly. " Willow was able to restore my soul once they got me back here."

Willow, rubbing her throat, backs away from Faith's bedside. Ok, maybe psycho-bitch isn't entirely dead just yet. Willow walks to a mirror, checking for bruising. Of course, If I woke up and saw Faith bending over my bed, I might be a little cranky, too. Even so… damn, I wish that girl weren't so strong. I'm so gonna have a sore throat for a week. Sighing, figuring she wasn't really wanted here, Willow starts to leave the room.

" Hey… RED! Wait" Faith calls to Willow. Willow stops and turns back to Faith, a little frown gracing her lips.

"What? Want to finish the job?" Willow says, sarcastically. Darn, that wasn't what I meant to say.

" Guess I has that comin, huh?" Faith says, a small smirk on her face. " Look, I didn't mean to … well, ok I did mean to choke you… but I thought you were here to like…well, get even? I guess I could see how you'd want to. But Angel explained that you're here to help get his soul back, and that… ummm… well, you helped save my life… so, uhhh… thanks."

" Yeah, well, don't take it personally, " Willow says, " I would've done it for anybody… even you." She turns to go.

" Not gonna ever give me a break, are ya, Red?" Faith says, her voice a little edgy.

"Well, gee, F, " Willow says, her tone ironic, " Lets review. You tried to kill Buffy, you tried to kill Angel, you tried to kill me" Willow counts out Faith's sins on her fingers, " You tortured Wesley, and took a contract to kill Angel, again. You tried to blame Buffy for Deputy Mayor Finch's death. You murdered how many guys for the mayor, again?" She looks to Faith for an answer, but no answer is forthcoming, " We won't even count the guys you just beat up and robbed, ok? Or the stuff you've done that no one but you knows about, Faith. Oh, and you just tried to choke me. So, how many breaks were you looking for again?"

" Yeah, ok, gotcha" Faith says, turning away. What the hell was I expecting anyway? Roses and chocolate?

Willow, for the third time in 5 minutes, turns to leave the room, but stops again. This time on her own accord. She doesn't want to leave things like this. Ok, I came here to help Angel. I didn't come to make nice with Faith. But I also didn't come to dredge up old wounds. Glass houses, Will. Not exactly Ms. Innocent yourself, you know. Maybe to get forgiveness, you gotta give some, too. Ya think? She turns back and walks over to Faith's bed.

" Ok, look, Faith," Willow starts, keeping a safe distance from Faith's reach." We've never been friends. You know that, I know that. But… ummm… maybe it's time to put the past where it belongs. In the past. Not expecting anything out of this but say… a clean slate. So… how 'bout we do that? Start again?"

"Yeah, ok" Faith says, doubtfully. " What's the hook, Red? What's the catch?"

" No catch, Faith" Willow says, " Angel says you've changed. I trust Angel. And from what you did for him, here, I've got to admit that only reinforces that opinion. So…what do you say?"

" I say my momma didn't raise morons" Faith says, " nobody does nothing for nothing. There's something you want, so why not just spit it out?".

" Ok, Ms. Suspicious" Willow says, getting a wee bit testy, " there is something I want to ask you, when you're feeling better. But that is NOT, and I'm going to repeat it, just be to sure you get it, that is NOT affecting this. I want to start with a fresh slate with you." Willow stops, finding her irritation growing, " But if you've got too many …well, whatever…never mind. I guess it was just a bad idea. Forget the whole thing, ok?" Willow turns to walk out, feeling a bit stupid for trying.

"Hey…Red…. RED…. STOP, ok? I can't run after you, so stop!" Faith calls out. Willow, not knowing why, stops and turns. She has her arms crossed , and has a " so, what do you want now?" look on her face. Faith continues, " Look, I blew it, ok? I still got trust issues. I'm sorry, really. " Faith sounds genuinely contrite, which surprises Willow. She relaxes her arms and attitude, and waits for Faith to go on, which she does, " I'd… ok, I think it's a good idea, ok? Lets start clean. As you said, not looking for friendship, just… we don't gotta hate each other anymore. Deal?"

" Ok, " Willow replies, simply. Still feeling a little stung by the suspicion. Wasn't me that went around betraying her friends. Oh…yeah…ok, maybe I did. Gulp. " I guess we can do that". She turns, this time determined to leave.

"Ummm… Red? One more thing?" Faith says.

"What, Faith?" Willow says, turning back around. She sighs. Now what?

"Could you like…well, you're …ummm.. girlfriend, I guess…Tara? Is that her name? Kinda apologize to her for me? I kinda was mean to her when I had B's body" Faith says. " Feel bad about that. She was kinda nice, all in all".

Willow feels like she suddenly has been shoved through with a knife. Heated, extra dull so it hurts more.

" I wish I could, but I can't" Willow says, coldly.

" Oh, sorry, " Faith says, catching the tone. " Bad breakup?" She inquires.

" Guess you could say that, " Willow says, turning around to hide her emotions, " She's dead" . She leaves quickly.

Faith sits there, stunned.

Nice Faith. Really nice.

* * *

Faith is in a quandary.

It takes her less than a day to heal up from her injuries, and now she's feeling pretty normal. But that's part of the problem. She's been avoiding Willow since their last conversation. I really stuck my foot in a pile on that one. Damn. I'm not like saying I wanted to be buddy-buddy with the witch, but I at least didn't want to hurt her. How was I supposed to know her girlfriend died last spring? I swear, this totally sucks. Every time I get around these people from Sunnyhell, I screw up. She's probably pissed at me again, but what the hell? How could I know? Think that makes a rat's ass of a diff, though? Not likely! Shit.

I know she wanted me to do something, and I was kinda thinking I would. But now? No, don't think so. Think I'd rather just go back to prison, serve out the extra time for busting out, and never see those guys again. Better off all the way around. I thought, maybe, I could… somehow make it up, for the last time. But pretty clear I'm just gonna step in it all over again. God I'm so fucking tired of this. I'm always outside lookin' in, havin' to apologize for breathin'. Why is it always that Faith's the bitch? I mean, I was just tryin' to be nice. What the hell am I tryin' for anyway? God, those stuck-up goody two shoes aint gonna ever let me forget exactly where I stand with them. This is just a fuckin' load.

At least in prison, I know where I stand. Fuck with me, get your arm broken. The bitches leave me alone, I leave them alone, everybody's just happier than shit. The faces change, but not the rules. The strong survive, the weak get eaten. Lights out at nine, bribe the guards when you can. You get by just fine. So, I go back to that hole, serve out my time, and give the big double middle finger to Buffy and Co. Bunch a fuckin' losers, don't need 'em, don't want 'em. Can do fine on my own… just like I've always done!

Yeah, you're such a fuckin' liar, Faith. You know you'd rather jump in front of a train rather than go back to that rat hole of prison. You'd so put up with Miss Blonde Snotty, The Witch and the rest of those losers if it'd buy you time away from that place. You hate that place, you know you do. You don't wanna turn into a loser like those prison bitches. God.

Faith wanders into the Hotel garden, sitting on the bench near the unused fountain. She's doing the thousand yard stare, trying to figure out how to approach Willow. Trying to swallow her pride, and just admit she blew it, and was sorry… again. She's so wrapped up in her thoughts, she doesn't hear when someone enters the garden and sits next to her.

"Faith?" Willow says softly.

Faith nearly jumps out of her skin. What the fuck? She jumps up, and turns on Willow.

"God, Red, what the hell are you doin'?" Faith yells," You scared the shit outta me!"

"Sorry, Faith… didn't mean to" Willow says, turning to Faith. She sees Faith's expression, and gets up." I can see this is a bad time… going now" She starts to leave, heading for the lobby doors.

Aw, crap! " Hey, Red… stop, ok? You just startled me" Faith admits, " next time make some noise"

" Look, you obviously aren't in the mood to talk, so maybe another time, " Willow says, pulling on the lobby door.

" God, don't get so defensive! You came to say somethin, say it!" Faith says, getting a little annoyed. Shit, not like I came and snuck up on you, Red!, "If you're gonna give me some crap, just go for it!".

" Get the super-sized chip off your shoulder, Faith!" Willow turns around, getting irritated herself, " I didn't come to , as you so eloquently put it, to "give you crap." I've been trying to talk to you all day, but you've been avoiding me like I got the plague. Now, when I sit down next to you, trying to talk, you yell at me. Ok, maybe I'm kinda slow sometimes, but I get it. Don't want to talk to me. Clear now. Ok? Again, I'm going now!" She turns, feeling a flush rising in her neck. She wants to leave before she starts yelling,

" Look, I'm sorry, ok?" Faith says, more defensively than meaning it. Then she stops, and says, contritely, " I really am sorry…c'mon, come back, sit and talk, ok?".

Willow, standing at the lobby doors, lets out a sigh. Remember, Buffy needs help. Just remember that. Just let it go. God, why am I even trying with her? She's just gonna laugh, and I give me a ration. Calm down, Will. Buffy needs help. Faith can help… just do it. All that passes through her head in a second, and she turns back. With a small frown on her face, she walks back over to where Faith is standing.

They look at each other for a minute, each trying to suss the other out. Finally, Willow breaks the silence.

" Look I thought we agreed not to do this anymore, " She says, quietly, " Didn't we?"

" Yeah, " Faith admits, " but I managed to step right back in the shit didn't I?" Faith turns away, waiting for it.

"What're you talking about?" Willow asks, bewildered.

"Tara… I… sorry, I didn't know Will, honest" Faith says, grinding her teeth. She hates to apologize… for anything.

"Oh" Willow says, quietly. She looks at Faith, and her tone softens, " Look Faith, I'm sorry about that. I'm… still touchy when it comes to Tara. I dumped on you, and I shouldn't have".

"Really bad, huh?" Faith says, sympathetically.

" Bad? No…I'm still working towards bad. I think… shitty really describes it right now" Willow says. Faith looks at her in surprise. That's not something she expects out of Willow's mouth, " Though, it's better now that I've climbed outta hell".

Faith looks at her questioningly, but Willow cuts it off.

"Look really not what I came to talk about, " She says, ending the subject.

"So… what did ya want to talk about?" Faith asks, suspiciously. She still doesn't trust Willow.

" I know I said that this clean slate business came with no strings, and I meant it," Willow says, " But… I admit, I want to ask you a favor. It won't change anything, honest. But please think about it, ok, before you dismiss it" Willow says in a rush.

" Look, Red, thanks for helpin' savin' my life and all. But If you're gonna ask me to wash your car? Forget it, Faith don't do that" Faith jokes, trying to lighten the already too serious mood .

Willow makes an impatient noise. " God I can see this was a bad idea" She says, her tone a little disgusted, " Sorry I bothered you". Help or no help, I don't have to take crap from her. Willow gets up to leave, but a very strong hand on her leg holds her down.

"God, Red, lighten UP!" Faith says, " it was a joke. Everything is so damned serious with you!".

"Faith, this IS serious. Real serious. So, are you going to listen, or are you gonna make jokes?" Willow asks, her tone taking on an edge of exasperation.

"Fine, whatEVER" Faith says, impatiently.

" Look, Faith, just say you're not interested, and we'll just call it a day. I'll be on my way, and you don't have to put up with … how did you put that? … oh yeah, Blondie's Bitch-Witch anymore", Willow says, acerbically.

How the fuck did she hear that? " Look, Red, just chill. Tell me what you want, and we'll go from there, " Faith says, feeling her face heat up a little.

Willow, as briefly as possible, explains what's happening in Sunnydale. Faith sits there, trying to poker face it, but occasionally you can see something cross her features. It's hard to tell if it's amusement, bemusement, or just plain disbelief. Willow finally finishes up, and looks at Faith.

" 'K , Red, let me see if I got this straight. Some big bad called the First Evil is trying to wipe out the slayer line, then the slayers( guessin' that includes me). Now Buffy's got a houseful of ..whatchacallems…oh yeah…Proto-slayers, along with kid sis, you, … and how did Spike fit in this again?" Faith looks both puzzled and amused.

Willow explains briefly about the chip… and spikes shiny new soul.

" Ok, Red, you had me till the soul bit. You gotta be kidding. Spike, with a soul?" Faith is barely able to keep from laughing, "What, is he like, all broody and excessively gelled like Fang now?"

"Not really… more like he's Spike… without all the growly-ness" Willow replies.

" Ok, "Faith says, not really buying that one, " and he's living at Casa Summers? How'd that happen?"

Willow shrugs, as if to say she's not clued in, and doesn't really approve.

" Ok, so what do you want ME to do, exactly?" Faith asks, " I mean, I'm not into babysitting".

Willow hesitates. She's not sure she wanted to get this deep into it… not with Faith, anyway. But she really doesn't have much choice.

" Look, Faith, I'm kinda worried about Buffy, " Willow says, " She's under a lot of pressure… She's not sleeping to well, sometimes not at all. And she's making all the decisions…" You can see Willow isn't crazy about that one, either, " I'm kinda worried about some of the ideas she's getting, and some of the things she's doing…" Willow trails off. Worry doesn't even come close to covering it.

"Whoa. This from " Stick-like-glue" Willow?" Faith says, surprised, " Ok, what's the gag?"

" No 'gag' Faith, " Willow says, " I'm really worried about her. I'm afraid she's gonna lose it… and with the First Evil, that simply can't happen. She needs help."

" Look, Red… I'm not saying no, but Buffy and I get along like a salt on a wound…we irritate the hell outta each other, and wind up hurting each other, " Faith says, accurately, " So how you figure me being there's gonna help?"

" I dunno, " Willow says, her tone despairing, " It's probably a bad idea. But I'm thinking hey, maybe she'll open up to you, being a slayer like her. Or at least, she'll sleep some, clearing her head. Or something. But I know it can't go on like it is now. It's just bad , Faith. Scary bad." Willow's tone goes black, " I'm really scared we're gonna lose this one".

Faith isn't liking this. Her inclination is to say no. What the fuck? Did I just spend years in prison to go get myself killed in Sunnyhell? This is bogus. Blondie got herself into this mess, let her get outta it. That lasted all of two seconds, until Faith's conscience kicked in. Yeah, so what? You're gonna turn you're back now, Faith? I mean, what'd you spend those years in prison for? Cuz ya liked the food? This is it, Faith. This is what you said you wanted… a second chance. So, you gonna take it girl, or run… like B expects?

"Hey, does B even know you're here… asking me this?" Faith asks.

" No… and you can't tell her, either." Willow says, firmly." She can't know I asked you".

" Sure, sure she's so gonna believe I volunteered to come get my ass whacked" Faith says, caustically.

" I don't care what she thinks, as long as she doesn't think I asked you" Willow says.

For a brief moment, Faith sees Willows eyes turn black. A small chill clutches at her heart. Oh shit what's THAT about?

"Fine, whatever, tell her Angel told me, and I got all weepy to see the gang again" Faith says. What the hell… like what do I got to do, anyway? Anyway, I just gotta see the expression on B's face when I get outta the car…it's gonna be priceless. " Ok, Red, ya sold me, I'll do it. I know I'm gonna regret this, but I'll go".

"Thank you" Willow says quietly. She reaches out and takes Faith's hands, " Thank you".

"Shit, girl" Faith says, snatching her hands back, " Don't get all weepy-sloppy on me. I'd do it for anyone… even you!" Bull's-eye! Score one for Faith.

Willow gives her a look, but continues

" Ok, great. I want to leave tonight, if you're up to it" Willow says, quietly.

" Tonight? What's the rush? Big Bad on a time-table or something?" Faith cracks.

" You still don't get it, do you?" Willow says, her irritation growing, " This is BAD, Faith. End of the world, we're all sucked into hell BAD. I've been gone long enough, and I want to get back. So, I want to leave as soon as possible".

"Fine, fine. Just let me throw my shit together, and well motor" Faith says, heading for the lobby doors.

" No need, it's already done" Willow says.

"What?" Faith turns and looks at her.

" Goin deaf? I said you're already packed," Willow replies, getting up and heading for the doors.

" Pretty fucking sure of yourself, weren't ya, Red?" Faith asks, annoyed. " What if I'd said no?"

" I guess you woulda unpacked then" Willow says, passing her and entering the lobby. She turns back to Faith, " We're leaving in 30 minutes. See you at the car." She walks away.

Faith just watches her go, her irritation flaring briefly into anger.

Whatta bitch!

She follows Willow into the lobby.

* * *

To be continued.


	2. Part 2

Independence 

By Norwalker

Part 2 of

Summary: What did Willow and Faith discuss in that little car trip from L.A. to Sunnydale in season 7? And what were the consequences? A Willow/ Faith story

Rating: R, Very R

Category: romance/drama/angst

Spoilers: Possible season 7 spoilers. Possible season 4 Angel spoilers. C'mon, you must have seen 'em by now!

Time Line: Mid season 7(after the return of Faith) and beyond

Disclaimer: Joss Whedon , Mutant Enemy and Fox own them.

Words and Music for " Cry, Baby, Cry " by Jerry Ragovoy and Sam Bell. Sung by Janis Joplin

Words and Music for " Me and Bobby McGee" by Kris Kristofferson and Fred Foster. Sung by Janis Joplin

Warnings: Adult themes, violence, sexual situations between members of the same gender. **_Please be aware, character death is always a distinct possibility_**. It can happen here, so don't say I didn't warn you!!! Any racist remarks are spoken by the characters, and are in no way shared by the author. This story is not meant for children.

To Pasha. Thanks for the inspiration.

Independence- Part 2

* * *

She rode the bike towards the setting sun.

The day has been hot, the road long, seemingly endless. Even with the helmet and visor, she still can taste the dust of the road in her mouth. She needs something… a beer… to wash the bitter dust and asphalt off her tongue. A lot of beers to wash the bitter pain out of her heart.

She pulls her bike into the rest stop by the road. It looks like a thousand other rest stops that dot the road between here and forever. It's seen way too much weather, too little care. The gas pumps look like something out of a 50's movie, the 'diner' dilapidated and made out whatever was available. The 'tavern' next to it was old, rusty, the windows plastered with stickers from 100 brands of beer… most which never crossed the doorway of this place. The whole little 'oasis' smelled of desert sand, dust, grease , old metal and a touch of decay. It was dying; it just didn't know it yet.

Faith parks her bike by the rest of the beat up cars and truck in what is laughingly known as the parking lot. She takes one look around, and grimaces. _ Shit-kicker land. Ah, well. Get some beer, get some grub, get gas and get gone girl._ Plopping her helmet on the bike, she heads for the tavern… _first things first, gotta get this dust outta my mouth._ She opens the door and walks inside.

The inside neither surprises nor disappoints. The bar is long, beaten up, and functional. Behind it are rows on rows of bottles, a couple of taps for beer, and what looks like a new mirror. _ Probably just got busted out._ Over in back are a few rickety looking tables, mostly occupied, that've seen much better days. There is a small dance floor, and what must be a 60's vintage jukebox ._ Whoo hoo, Faith. Betcha the locals come out here on Saturday nights to do their two step turkey trots…or whatever is local to this dump. All it needs is the steer horns over the bar. Not here for the atmosphere, girl. Just get you're beer and go._ She walks over to the bar, leaning on the rail, waiting for the bartender to come over.

"What'll ya have?" the bartender, stocky, crew cut and looking as weathered as the place, asks.

"Beer… whatever's on tap" Faith replies, short and to the point. The bartender grunts acknowledgment, and heads for the taps.

Faith wonders what the hell she's even doing here. Right now, she should be in Colorado or Utah. Not Arizona. She planned on going north._ Supposed to be real pretty out there. Big spaces, not lots of people…someone could get lost real nice out there. So why'm I in this dump in Godforsaken, Arizona anyway? Sure aint for the weather… just fucking admit it, Faith. Ya miss her, ya wanna see her again. Damned bitch got under your skin, now you gotta see her. I can just see her lordin' all over me to like " La, la, la , de dah". Well, she better not give me grief. Not gonna be taken no shit off nobody. Aw, screw it this is just a dumb ass idea…._

"Hey, girl, what ya doin' in a dive like this?" The voice interrupts her thoughts from behind.

"Gettin a beer and gettin gone," Faith says, shortly. Her tone saying " not lookin' for anything else". _God, don't anyone got an original line?_

"Aw, c'mon. What say you and I find ourselves a good time? Pretty thing like you shouldn't be all by herself" The guy says, his speech saying he's had more than a couple of beers.

"Not lookin' for a good time, thanks anyway, " Faith says, tone firm but polite. Not looking for trouble

But somehow, it finds her anyway.

"Don't be that way, " The guy says, slurring his words just a bit, " Let's have us a lil dance". Here he makes his first mistake. He puts his hand on her butt to turn her around.

Faith's expression hardens, and she says, in a low tone, " Listen, pal. Unless you really wanna lose that hand, get it off my ass!"

"Whoo hoo, spirited aint ya?" The voice says, " So, who's gonna make me?"

" I'm gonna, cow-kicker" Faith says, turning around, and staring into the guys' chest

He must stand about 6'6", and weigh something over 250 pounds. Faith has seen skinnier sides of beef. He grins down at her.

" Now, Pumpkin, how 'bout you and I have some fun?" He grins, more a leer. Mistake #2, he puts his other hand on Faith's butt.

"Sure, cowboy, "Faith says, her tone mocking, " I like fun". Her smirk is hard, but not as hard as her eyes. He mistakes her look for an invitation. Mistake #3

Before he realizes what's happening, Faith brings her boot heel hard down on his foot. Distracted, he lets go of her butt, just in time for her to bring her knee up, square in his crotch. His eyes bulging, he bends over, grabbing his crotch. She brings her hands over his neck, and slams his head hard on the bar. He falls over like a tree, groaning. Faith turns back to the bar.

"So, where's my beer…." Faith starts, and sees she's looking into the business end of a short barreled shotgun." What's this? I just want my beer. He started it" Faith says, indicating the groaning cowboy on the floor.

"Yeah, well, I'm ending it. I don't want no trouble" The barkeep says, pointing the gun at Faith, " what say you make your way outta here, pronto?". He indicates with the gun barrel the exit.

"Sure, pal" Faith says agreeable. Too fast for the barkeep to do anything, Faith grabs the barrel of the gun, yanks it free from the barkeep, and points it back at him, " just as soon as I finish my beer. Now, where is that, anyway?" She grins. " Nice gun, by the way".

She hears a few chairs scrape back. She doesn't turn towards them, only calls over her shoulder.

" Don't even. Don't need to shoot ya to hurt ya, "Faith says. The other patrons change their mind, having seen the demo. Still looking at the barkeep, she says, quietly, but an edge of threat in her tone, " Can I get my beer, or what?"

The bartender, keeping an eye on the gun, moves to where he set down Faith's beer. She watches him, grinning, as he brings the mug and sets it down. She smiles.

"Now see, that wasn't so hard, was it?" She asks. She looks at the gun, then back to the bartender, "Now, I don't wanna have to drink my beer holding this gun. And it's just too pretty to wanna have to break. So, what say you give me the rest of the shells for it?". The bartender hesitates, as if he can't make up his mind. Faith pushes the barrel of the gun to his shoulder. " Now, I don't wanna hurt you," Faith says…and pushes the barrel against his shoulder…" but that don't mean I won't". The bartender starts to reach under the counter. Faith moves the gun to his neck, " Careful now…hate to have any accidents, ya know?". The bartender slowly brings up his hand, gripping a box of shells. He puts them on the bar. She grabs them, and pockets them. She looks at him, and then says, "Ok, the other one now".

"That's it" The bartender says, nervously. He's sweating more bullets than he's handed over.

"Tsk, tsk, tsk" Faith clucks her tongue, " Lying' aint gonna help." She pulls back the trigger on the shotgun, " Now, where's the other box?". The bartender, wide-eyed, scared, reaches down and gets another box of shells…which Faith also pockets. "Now, anymore down there?" She asks, politely, but her tone is definitely saying ' I'm done playing around here'.

"That's all.. honest" he says, putting his hands up, " there aint no more".

" 'K, then" Faith says. She opens the barrel, extracting the shells inside the gun. She pockets the shells, and hands the gun back to the barkeep. " you'll get the rest back when I leave". He nods nervously, putting the gun away. She picks up her beer, takes a drink, and turns around.

The place is silent as a graveyard. Every patron in the place is staring at her. She sighs inwardly, and turns back to the bartender.

"Hey, pal" Faith says. The bartender almost trips coming over to her. " Whattya figure it's gonna cost to buy a round for the bar, yourself included?" Faith asks.

The bartender shrugs, looking sheepish. Faith sighs, and digs out a wad of bills. She drops a couple of twenties on the bar.

"You figure that'll cover it?" she asks, looking at the bartender. His eyes go wide. He nods. She continues, " Good, " she says, and drops another twenty on the bar, " just in case… oh, and give me some quarters, ok? For the jukebox". He nods, scooping up the bills and nearly running for the till. Faith turns around and addresses the rest of the bar.

" So, whatcha waitin' for? Free drinks!" She calls out.

The bar suddenly comes alive as patrons belly up to the bar to get a drink. She chuckles quietly._ Never fails to bring a joint back to life._ The bartender returns and drops the quarters on the bar. She scoops them up, and heads for the jukebox, taking her beer with her.

She looks over the selections with a small frown on her face. _Pretty damned grim._ Her eyes stop on a tune she hasn't heard in like … forever. _ Well, well, where'd this come from? Not your typical shit-kicker tune._ She drops the quarters in the box, and plays the song.

_Busted flat in Baton Rouge, waiting for a train_

_And I's feeling nearly as faded as my jeans._

_Bobby thumbed a diesel down just before it rained,_

_It rode us all the way to New Orleans.  
  
_

Faith leans against the wall, sipping her beer.

_I pulled my harpoon out of my dirty red bandanna,_

_I 's playing soft while Bobby sang the blues._

_Windshield wipers slapping time, I was holding Bobby's hand in mine,_

_We sang every song that driver knew._

It's hard to read Faith's face. Her expression doesn't change, but her eyes seem to soften just a little.

_Freedom's just another word for nothing left to lose,_

_Nothing don't mean nothing honey if it ain't free, now now._

_And feeling good was easy, Lord, when he sang the blues,_

_You know feeling good was good enough for me,_

_Good enough for me and my Bobby McGee._

Faith gets the thousand yard stare.

_From the Kentucky coal mines to the California sun,_

_Hey, Bobby shared the secrets of my soul._

_Through all kinds of weather, through everything that we done,_

_Hey Bobby baby kept me from the cold._

_One day up near Salinas, Lord, I let him slip away,_

_He's looking for that home and I hope he finds it,_

_But I'd trade all of my tomorrows for one single yesterday_

_To be holding Bobby's body next to mine._

Faith bites her lip, and closes her eyes. Her free hand fists, trying to hold on._ So not gonna happen. She liked this crap._ Despite herself she lets a single tear slip.

_Freedom's just another word for nothing left to lose,_

_Nothing, that's all that Bobby left me, yeah,_

_But feeling good was easy, Lord, when he sang the blues,_

_Hey, feeling good was good enough for me, hmm hmm,_

_Good enough for me and my Bobby McGee._

_Why? Why, why, why?_ Faith feels more tears threatening.

_La la la, la la la la, la la la, la la la la_

_La la la la la Bobby McGee._

_La la la la la, la la la la la_

_La la la la la, Bobby McGee, la._

_La La la, la la la la la la,_

_La La la la la la la la la, hey now Bobby now Bobby McGee yeah._

_Na na na na na na na na, na na na na na na na na na na na_

_Hey now Bobby now, Bobby McGee, yeah…_

_Aw, fuck this! _ Faith walks to the bar. She drops the shells on it, along with her unfinished beer. She turns and heads for the door, as the song plays out.

_… Lordy Lordy Lordy Lordy Lordy Lordy Lordy Lord_

_Hey, hey, hey, Bobby McGee_.

The door slams behind her.

Nobody notices.

* * *

Willow Rosenberg dropped in on her favorite little coffeehouse.

She loved this little place. It wasn't over decorated like all too many trendy places in the bay area; it kept its charm with the warm, inviting atmosphere it exuded. The fare was simple but excellent, the smells were heavenly. Roasting coffee, the scent of baking pastries, the rich smell of spices used in the limited dishes the place offered. It has a bluesy, jazzy atmosphere to it, the music reflecting that. All in all she felt welcome here, at home. More so than even at her home, which felt all too cold and large, lately.

She ordered a tea and scone from the server, and sat thinking about the last few days.

She'd done it. She finally put together a proposal that the client could understand and appreciate. He'd been so impressed with her presentation, that he'd upgraded the order, bringing the total worth to over five million on the first job. And he'd hinted that there would be more work needed. After the presentation, she'd gathered the 'troops' and gave them the news. There was a hush, followed by a wild cheer. Everyone knew how important this was, and the news just rocketed morale through the ceiling.

Just damned glad we got it. Now we can breathe a little easier, not worrying so much where and when the money for this, that and the other thing is gonna come in. Gonna have enough to pay some bonuses to some really deserving peeps, bring on a few more full timers, and pay off some of the creditors. This is great, really great. It looks like WillNet is finally gonna make it.

The server brought her order, and Willow sat drinking her tea. She looked down at the scone, but she suddenly wasn't feeling all that hungry. _ What the hell is wrong with me? I should be dancing in the aisles, this is everything I wanted. The company's gonna go solid, finally, and I know we're gonna go up from here. So, why'm I like sitting here feeling so damned blue?_ Willow, picking at the scone, knew the reason. She just didn't want to admit it to herself.

_I wish she were here. Goddess, I wish I could just show her. Show her I didn't need her, I could do it all on my own! _Willow stabs at her scone with her fork._ Show you! Ya thought I'd fall all apart without you, didn't you? I just want to rub your face in it, show you I don't need you. Never needed you! I can go where I want to, do what I want, be wildly successful, and not need you around. Got it? You thought you'd use me and toss me, but who used who, huh? Neener, neener, neener, you're nothin' but a wiener!_

Willow normally likes the music playing at the coffee house. But she's been so wrapped up in her thoughts, that she hasn't been paying attention to what's been playing. It suddenly comes through to her, as if her thoughts, her true thoughts, were trying to push out.

_… And you swear that you just don't know why,_

_But you know, honey I'll always,_

I'll always be around if you ever want me 

_Come on and cry, cry baby, cry baby, cry baby,_

_Oh honey, welcome back home._

_Don't you know, honey,_

_Ain't nobody ever gonna love you_

_The way I try to do ?_

_Who'll take all your pain,_

_Honey, your heartache, too ?_

_And if you need me, you know_

_That I'll always be around if you ever want me_

_Come on and cry, cry baby, cry baby, cry baby,_

_Oh daddy, like you always saying to do._

Willow's face goes white as she realizes what's playing. But she's helpless to move, because it's all so true._ Damn her, damn her… she won't even let me be happy for a fucking minute!_

_And when you walk around the world, babe,_

_You said you'd try to look for the end of the road,_

_You might find out later that the road'll end in Detroit,_

_Honey, the road'll even end in Katmandu._

_You can go all around the world_

_Trying to find something to do with your life, baby,_

_When you only gotta do one thing well,_

_You only gotta do one thing well to make it in this world, babe._

_You got a woman waiting for you there,_

_All you ever gotta do is be a good man one time to one woman_

_And that'll be the end of the road, babe,_

_I know you got more tears to share, babe,_

_So come on, come on, come on, come on, come on,_

_And cry, cry baby, cry baby, cry baby._

Willow sits at her table, the tears welling up in her eyes. She stabs at the scone, like it's her. _Why? Why'd you do this to me? To Us? We could've been so good , you and me… you bitch, why wasn't I enough????_

_And if you ever feel a little lonely, dear,_

_I want you to come on, come on to your mama now,_

_And if you ever want a little love of a woman_

_Come on and baby baby baby babe babe baby now_

_Cry baby yeah._

The lyrics to the song cut through her like a knife. Her face goes red from anger and hurt and the bittersweet pain breaking her heart. _Damn you fuck you damn you fuck you! You always, always do this to me. It's supposed to be a happy day, a great day… it is ! and it's all shit cuz you're not here. You're not here, and you're still ripping my heart apart. What did you do to me? What spell did you put on me, bitch? I'm supposed to be the witch… not you. But you got me so tightly wrapped, I can't even think! All I do is feel…feel like crap. Why won't you let me go? Why won't you let me alone? Damn you, why can't I forget you…forget YOU…FORGET YOU!!!!!_

Willow struggles with her purse, pulling out some money. She drops it on the table, knowing it's way too much, and not caring. She's not caring about anything.

Except getting out of here before she loses it.

All over again.

* * *

Night time

On the road to Sunnydale

Last year.

The motor hummed along as the two women drove north towards Sunnydale.

Faith sprawled back in the front passenger seat, trying to get comfortable. Conversation was nil, they really didn't have much of anything to say to each other, the witch and her. She looked out the window at the passing scenery, such as it's at night, and felt itchy, jumpy and something she really didn't like feeling.

Fear.

Her face was an impassive mask. Faith had learned well in prison, you never show what your feeling. But inside her stomach was doing flips, churning acid to beat the band. Every minute they drove brought her closer to facing things she hadn't wanted to face for a long time, if ever. She idly wondered how bad she'd be hurt if she just popped open the door and jumped out now. _ Like, killed, stupid. We're doing 60 on a freeway. They'd be picking up Faith patties for miles. Stupid idea. Almost as stupid as agreeing to do this._

_So what're they gonna do? Kill me? Nawww… probably not. This First Evil dude'll probably take care of that. Nope, they'll probably just attitude me 'til I wish I were dead… or back in prison. I can just see Buffy havin' a snit-fit, and Xan-man givin' me the " I'm here for ya" talk while givin' me looks if I fart in public. And crap, a houseful of girls. Didn't I just get away from that? Swell. No bathrooms either, I suppose. It's gonna be Sunnyhell on earth, just like before. Me wonderin' what the hell I'm doin' there while Buffy leads her parade of scoobies and whatnot into the fight. Yeah, gonna just be swell, I can already tell. Let's not forget G. I'm just so damned sure he's gonna be happy to see me. Probably turn me over to the loving arms of the Watcher's Council. Whoo hoo. That road aint lookin' so bad after all…_

"Hey, Faith. Do you mind if I play some music?" Willow asks

"Sure, whatever Red, " Faith replies, looking out the window.

Willow pushes the CD into the deck, and Janis Joplin's signature wail blasts over the speakers. Faith nearly jumps out of the window right then and there.

"WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?" Faith yells, giving Willow a look like she's wanting to shoot her… or something.

"Calm down, Faith. It's just Janis Joplin" Willow says, like Faith's supposed to know these things.

"Well, shit Red. It sounds like what happened the last time I stepped on a cat's tail!" Faith says, holding her ears. "Ya think you could turn it down a bit? Better yet, just throw the damned thing out the window?"

"Well, maybe if you listened to something besides Techno- punk dance music once in awhile…" Willow says, aggrieved.

"What's wrong with dance music?" Faith asks, her tone a little growly. _God, that girl is in serious need of an orgasm_. Faith thinks to herself about the singer. _And a fucking laryngectomy._

" Nothing, " Willow says," If your on a dance floor. Not anywhere to dance in here, Faith."

" Oh, really?" Faith says, an evil grin comin' over her face. " Wanna bet, Red?" Faith pops out the CD. Willow looks at her like she's nut. She tunes the radio 'til she finds some decent dance tunes. She starts to move with the music.

"What're you doing, Faith?" Willow says, Faith occasionally bumping her arm, " trying to drive here!"

"Don't sweat it , Red" Faith answers, " Just warmin' up a little". Faith reaches over and rolls down her window.

"Hey, roll that up, it's cold enough in here" Willow complains, "What the heck are you thinking?"

"Not thinkin', Red, doin' " Faith says, reaching over and cranking up the tunes. She twists around and starts sliding out the open window.

"Hey… HEY!" Willow says, holding the wheel with one hand, trying to grab at Faith with the other. " What … stop that.. STOP!"

"Ah, chill, Red, " Faith says " Faith's bored… wants to dance a little" She slips out the window, sitting on the door frame. Holding on with one hand, she leans out a bit, and starts moving to the tunes blasting from the radio. The wind blowing in her hair, she starts laughing, especially at Red, who looks like she just swallowed a dose. Faith bounces on the doorsill, really getting into it. Horns start blaring around them; some in anger, most in appreciation. Faith, always a daredevil, spreads her legs in the window to hold herself, and puts up both hands, waving them in the air acknowledging the fans, so to speak. Willow, in the mean time, is trying to drive while having a heart attack. She keeps trying to hold the wheel while reaching over trying to grab Faith.

"YOUR NUTS!" Willow yells at Faith, her face red, " YOUR FUCKING NUTS!"

About this time, an 18 wheeler pulls up alongside the right-hand side of the car… Faith's side, and toots it's air horn. Faith grins broadly, and holding on with her legs, pulls up on her top, giving the truckers a peek. They toot in appreciation. Faith grins, and sticks her tongue out at them. They grin back, and pull away.

" YOUR OUT OF YOUR MIND, " Willow screams, " GET YOUR FUCKING ASS BACK IN HERE!"  
"RED!" Faith yells back, grinning broadly, " Language, girlfriend. I'm gonna have to wash that mouth out with soap!" She laughs.

"Goddammit, get in here NOW!" Willow scolds, still trying to tug on Faith's leg.

"God, whatta buzz kill!" Faith bitches, sliding back in the window, " Havin' a little fun is all. Don't have a cow."

"What the hell were you thinking?" Willow asks, pissed off.

"I'm thinking you guys in Sunnydale are born with a cork up your butts, " Faith says, peevishly.

"That's so not true. I like fun, " Willow says, defensively, " I just don't wanna get myself killed doin' it"

"God, were you born an old lady, Will?" Faith says, "We're young, were supposed to be stupid sometimes. Lighten up!".

"Lighten up my butt, " Willow says, using more profanity(for her) than she's used in a year, " You could've gotten us both killed, or a ticket".

Faith looks at her , and bursts out laughing.

"What? WHAT?" Willow asks, getting irritated again. _God, I wanna strangle her!_

" You're wound so tight, you're gonna explode, Red" Faiths says, sprawling back in the seat, "When was the last time you just had fun?"

" HEY! I have fun, lots of fun, " Willow says, " I'm a fun girl".

" Oh yeah, you're a load of laughs, " Faith mocks, " I bet you can't even dance!"

" I can so dance!" Willow protests, " better than you"

"In your dreams, girl, " Faith says, condescendingly, " I know you. You're the one who can't dance, sits along the wall, and mocks those who can. That's why you like that cat howling stuff… or maybe it's a gay thing?" She glances at Red, eyebrow arched.

"God, so typical, " Willow mutters, " you don't get something, so you make fun of it. Try listening to something besides dance music, maybe you'll learn something".

"Uhhh… like how to be a tight assed bitch?" Faith says, angrily. She gets a little pissed when someone makes her feel dumb.

"Grrr. Why do I even talk to you?" Willow explodes, waving her hand in Faith's direction.

"Fine!" Faith says, turning away.

"FINE!" Willow says, burning.

Five minute uncomfortable silence. Willow finally breaks it.

" Look, I'm sorry, " Willow says, tightly.

" Yeah, right" Faith replies, not buying it.

" I am sorry, Faith" Willow says, contritely. Her breathing is a bit forced. " Just you scared me, bad. I'm scared enough, don't need anymore scares". Willow starts to breath raggedly.

Faith hears Willow's wheezing , and looks over. Willow's face is white, and her hands are trembling. She's having trouble staying in control.

" Hey… HEY!" Faith says, " Pull over… "  
"No, I'm fine" Willow says, gasping. She's sweating now, even though it's a cool night.

"Pull the fuck over!" Faith says. She grabs the wheel, and steers the car to the shoulder. She jams on the brake. Both girls are tossed in their belts.

"Why'd you do that?" Willow says, leaning on the steering wheel, " You…coulda…killed…us" Willow's nearly stopped breathing.

"Calm down, "Faith says, in a soothing tone, " Just calm down". She takes Willow's hand and starts rubbing it, trying to calm her a bit.

"Can't … breathe … can't" Willow says, gasping.

"Fuck" Faith says. She looks around, and spots a bag in back. She empties the paper sack, and hands it to Willow." Breathe into this" Faith puts the bag into Willow's hands. Willow brings the bag to her mouth, and breathes into it.

" Slower…slower" Faith says, rubbing her neck, " You're ok, you're just hyperventilating. You're gonna be ok". Faith tries to keep her tone calm and soothing.

Willow breathes into the bag, and slowly her breathing stabilizes. She starts to breath more normally, some color comes back to her face, and her panicked look fades. It's replaced by embarrassment.

"God, I'm such a moron" Willow says, finally putting the bag aside, and breathing almost normally.

" No, you just panicked, " Faith says quietly, " It's ok. C'mon, get out of the car. Get some fresh air. You'll feel better."

Both women get out of the car, and walk around a little bit, staying close to the car nonetheless. Willow finally sits on the front fender, leaning on her knees. She looks a little lost. Faith walks over and stands by her.

"Are you ok now?" Faith asks.

" I don't know what were gonna do" Willow says to no one in particular.

" What?" Faith asks, thinking Willow's talking to her.

Willow looks at Faith, trying to make up her mind. _Can I even trust her? She might just punch me, take the car and leave me in Godknowswhere, Ca. Damn. But I gotta tell someone, and Giles can't help… Buffy isn't really listening to him. Or anyone. She's not gonna listen to Faith, either. This sucks. But she's gotta know what she's walkin' into._

"Alright, Red. What's the deal? What's going on?" Faith asks, her suspicions flaring up. _What's goin' through her head? What kinda crap is she tryin' to deal me?_

"It's bad, Faith. Worse than I told you" Willow says, looking at the ground. " The First… is the primordial evil. Evil before everything… Evil before there was anything else to be evil. According to Giles, the First is trying to eliminate the slayer line. Evidently, when I brought back Buffy, I threw the balance between good and evil way outta line, " Willow stops, remembering how guilty that made her for all this, " It has followers, acolytes called " Harbingers" or "Bringers" Whatever! They've been going worldwide, eliminating the potential slayers. It plans on killing them, then Buffy…then you. Once that's done, it plans on opening the hellmouth, and… well, you can figure the rest".

Faith stands quietly, taking this in. She waves at Willow, " Go on".

"Giles has been bringing all the " Potentials" he can to Sunnydale… putting them in Buffy's care. She's taking care of them at her house, trying to feed them, shelter them and train them. Cuz when the first comes, it's not going to care, it's going to do it's best to wipe them all out."

"Thing is, Faith, Buffy's beginning to crack. I can see it; I think everybody can see it. The pressure, the stress, her sleeplessness… it's just too much. She's becoming more and more dictatorial, less willing to listen to outside opinion. Morale is sinking fast; the girls are afraid she's gonna lose it, and they are gonna lose their lives. They're beginning to mutter… and it's not pretty. Then there's Spike." Willow turns away.

"What about Spike?" Faith asks.

"Ok, some background I guess. She and Spike…well, last year…they kinda…" Willow hesitates, not sure she should tell Faith this.

"They what?" Faith says, puzzled. She looks at Willow, and her expression… and then puts 2 and 2 together. " Are you saying B and bleach boy are…were… what IS it with B and dead things?" Faith says, unbelieving.

"Hey… she was going through a bad time, ok?" Willow says… not believing she's defending Buffy and Spike. _Oh yeah, right like your choices have been so great lately?_

"Fine, whatever, " Faith says.

" Anyway… she tried to break it off last year… and did… but then he…he tried to…shit, he tried to rape her!" Willow says, coloring at the thought. Again.

"What?" Faith says, floored. " he tried to WHAT? And he's still walking around?" She can't believe any of this crap._ Wait a fucking minute, here. " _ I thought you said he had some kind of chip in his head…so he couldn't harm humans" Faith says, suspiciously, " How could he rape her?"

"Well, first of all, he tried to rape her. She stopped him, " Willow says, but continues knowing that won't satisfy Faith, " Thing is, when we brought her back… well, according to Tara, anyway" A little wince crosses her face, " Buffy didn't come back …exactly… well… she had some changes…minor changes… but enough to fool the chip's sensor… it doesn't work for Buffy".

"Huh?" Faith asks, " You're saying Buffy's… not human anymore?"

" No… no… it's just minor stuff…kinda like having a really weird cosmic tan or something" Willow says, trying to remember how Buffy explained it to her.

"Well, I still don't see why he's walking around. Why didn't she stake him?" Faith asks

"Well, ummm… a lot of things happened right after that, and … well… he kinda left town and all before anyone could do anything…and when he returned…well, he was living in the new school basement… and had a soul". Willow tries to minimize her own role in the events of last spring. " Buffy found him, and … well… kinda rehabilitated him, I guess. He's different now".

"Oh, yeah, I bet," Faith says, her tone ironic, " All I can say is, that chip better work with me, or I'm staking Bleach Boy".

"That's the thing… the chip started malfunctioning…it was firing all the time" Willow says." He often couldn't… or wouldn't… get out of his bed in the basement…"

"The basement?" Faith asks, suspiciously, " He's living in the school basement still?".

" No…" Willow says, " Buffy's basement".

" You're shitting me, right?" Faith asks, " This … is a joke, right?"

Willow shakes her head. " Anyway, " She continues, " they finally had to call in the Initiative doctors. Seems the chip was shorting out. They could fix it… or remove it." Willow looks at Faith, her eyes slightly hardened.

" Don't…don't tell me what I think you're gonna tell me!" Faith says. _That'd be just plain insanity!_

" Buffy… had them remove it" Willow says, her tone cold, " I'm still not believing it. But it's true".

Faith makes some kind of angry noise, and walks off. She starts pacing, trying to get a grip. She finally comes back and confronts Willow.

" You're telling me.. .that B… has this…thing… without its leash…living in the same house…with all those girls?" Faith glares at Willow. Willow nods. " IS SHE FUCKING NUTS?" Faith explodes.

" He…He's got a soul…" Willow starts, but Faith cuts her off.

" Screw THAT!!! God," Faith can't believe what she's hearing, " I mean, you've never met anyone evil with a soul before?" Faith is in a rage. She kicks the bumper on the car. " What the HELL is she thinking? IS she thinking? Why not just put in a pit of vipers down there? The girls would be safer, for Christ's sake!".

" You see why I'm worried?" Willow says," Buffy's not thinking straight."

" Shit, girlfriend, " Faith says, " She's not thinking at all!".

" I'm really afraid, Faith" Willow confesses, " She's heading for disaster. Big time. She's gonna make a mistake, a big mistake… and it's gonna be over. She'll be dead, and … we'll be dead".

" No ones gonna be dead " Faith says, quietly, " Just time that B had a little… sisterly advice ". Faith's look is not at all happy.

" I didn't ask you along to fight with Buffy, " Willow says, " She needs help… not bruises".

" I don't plan on fighting with her, " Faith says, " But she may need a little convincing." She stops, and looks at Willow, " How're you feeling, better?" Faith asks.

"Yeah… better, " Willow says, " ready to go?".

"Oh, yeah, " Faith says, her voice a low growl.

" Faith… look, you gotta promise. I need you to help Buffy… not make it harder" Willow says, firmly, " otherwise, I'll just drop you at the next town."

" I'm not gonna fight with her!" Faith snaps, annoyed, " I said that already. But she needs straightening out!".

" Ok, Faith" Willow says, quietly, " I … I agree".

"Fine, let's motor. We've wasted enough time already".

The two women head back for the car.

* * *

They drive along quietly for awhile. Both are wound tighter than a spring, and both are afraid any little thing'll set the other off. The radio plays some music in the background, but the savage breast is so not being soothed. Faith sits in the passenger seat, looking out the window, drumming her fingers on the door sill. Something's nagging at her…

" Ok, Red, I don't get it" Faith finally says.

"What?" Willow replies, not understanding.

" Ok, you got all these concerns and worries, " Faith says, " You …you're probably closer to B than anybody. How come you aren't like…talking to her about it?".

Willow clears her throat, but doesn't say anything. She just stares out the windshield.

" It don't make sense, " Faith continues, when she doesn't get an answer, " You and B are closer than two tics on a dog. If anyone could make B see… reason, it'd be you. What's going on?"

Willow clears her throat again, but this time answers, " Ummm… last spring… things got weird between me and Buffy. Really weird… they're still kinda weird… so, ummm… Buffy and I aren't like… so close anymore".

"C'mon, Red, everybody goes through weird once in awhile… friends make up, get over it, " Faith antennae are buzzing, "You're holding back … what is it?" Faith looks at Willow, who's consciously avoiding her stare. Faith's eyes narrow. " Hey… did … ummm… did you and Buffy… well… did you kinda… get together…ya know?" Faith hesitates, not wanting to piss off Willow…and not really understanding why.

"What? Get together… Oh…OH! NO!!! nothing…nothing like that!" Willow blushes, " God, Buffy is straight….".

" Yeah, well… everybody gets curious, " Faith says, " Just cuz she prefers stick, doesn't means she won't do automatic…".

"Yes… well… get your mind out of the gutter, Faith. THAT didn't happen!" Willow says, adamantly.

"Ok, ok, just guessing. God, don't get so … pissy" Faith says. Strangely, she feels some little measure of…relief? " Anyway, what did happen, then?" Faith says, veering quickly off that subject.

_We're not going there. She doesn't need to know about that! _ Willow thinks to herself. She briefly looks at Faith, who's staring out the windshield. Willow feels a strange… desire to tell her. She can't figure it, but… she wants to. _ God, she's gonna think… who cares what she thinks? At least, she won't be all paranoid or probing. Just do it, Will. Ok , ok , ok!_

" Look you remember I told you Tara died last spring?" Willow begins, her stomach tying up in knots. She so doesn't want to go here again… but does…has to.

"Yeah… really sorry to hear that, Red, " Faith says, not knowing what else to say. _Didn't really know the chick…so what can I say?_

" Well.. I didn't tell you everything about it" Willow says, her voice quiet. Belying the emotions going through her. " Thing is, we'd been broken up for awhile. I…I had some problems with magic. I got addicted"

Faith makes a face, " How do you get addicted to magicks?" She asks.

" They're kinda like drugs, Faith, " Willow says, " Used properly, moderately, they help. Used excessively…you…well…you get addicted… kinda like a super high".

" Ok, " Faith says, not really understanding, but not wanting the long version, " So… you were broke up…?"

"We'd just gotten back together… after I … well, I … rehabilitated, you know?" Willow says, " It… was wonderful. Like it'd been before. Better." Willows voice is edging on sorrow, " But then… that day… she got shot… right in front of me. The bullet went in her back… and her….blood…oh, god" Willow stops, the pain too great. She grips the steering wheel hard, trying to keep control. Her knuckles are white.

Faith is … shocked. Something that doesn't happen often. " God, Red… I had no idea… that… I can't imagine how…God, I'm so sorry" She looks at Willow, and sees her going pale again, "Ummm… maybe you should pull over…let me drive".

"No…no, I'm ok, really" Willow says. She regains a grip on herself. " It gets worse".

" Worse? How?" Faith asks, bewildered. _ What could be worse than seeing your girlfriend killed in front of you?_

Willow begins to relate, slowly, what happened after Tara's death. She goes into the how she got the power, her transformation… everything she did. Faith, shocked before, is now floored. When she gets to the part about flaying Warren, Faith feels her stomach turn over. She looks at Willow, and sees pure hatred mixed with self disgust. _ God, she must've hated him… to do that…_ Faith shudders. Then Willow continues, and talks about trying to kill Jonathan and Andrew… finally she gets to the part where she fights Giles, steals his powers… _Huh? Giles…with powers?_ … and tells how she planned to destroy the world. Faith just can't believe that… it's too incredible… she turns to make a disparaging remark… and sees the look on Willow's face… the anger, the guilt, the remorse all fighting for control. She realizes…she's not lying. And Faith again feels her stomach turn over… almost wanting to vomit. Then she gets to the part about Xander, how he stopped her . _This_ _ story is just getting too fantastic to believe. Xander? Saves the world? What next? Barney the Vampire Slayer?_

Willow goes on to explain her 'recovery' in England…she was gone 4 months. When she returned, things… were different. Her friends tried to make her feel welcome, but there was… a wall between them.

"… they didn't trust me anymore. Can you blame them, really?" Willow says, but it hurts, nonetheless, " They tried…try…to make me feel like I'm part of everything. But … I can feel it, you know? They don't trust me… and they fear me. They're scared of me, " Willow says, then adds, " Hell, I'm scared of me. I… still don't' feel in control, entirely".

Faith is shaking her head, trying to take all of this in. It's just too much to take in at once. Willow? Murderer? Attempted destroyer of the world? She shudders. It's like someone telling her that Santa Clause is really a knife wielding child murdering cannibal. It's… just not possible. She can't believe it.

"C'mon, Willow. I've heard some stories in my time, but you really expect me to swallow that one? You? Minnie Mouse, Big Bad deluxe? No…no way, just aint happening" Faith dismisses it.

For some reason, Faith not believing her makes her upset… and angry. " Fine, believe whatever you want!" She says shortly.

But Faith hears something different. Her …voice is deep…too deep…and she turns to look at Willow… and sees those…darkened eyes again, if only briefly. _ Holy crap! _ Faith feels a chill down her spine, and she realizes: it's all true…every bit of it. For a second fear grips her heart, then it's replaced with another emotion… empathy.

She knows what it's like to go down that dark path. How you can lose yourself, any control you think you've got is bogus. You don't mean to go that way, you think you're doing the right thing, until it all snowballs on you, and suddenly you're …

"Red… I'm sorry…I…Willow? God, I know what it's like, I really do!" Faith says, a strain of sympathy and understanding in her tone, " I… know what it's like…trying to come back. I'm… sorry I didn't believe you." She reaches out, and tentatively pats Willow on the shoulder, " It's ok, it's gonna be ok. You're gonna make it… believe me".

Willow is touched deeper than she can believe. Her friends, the ones who're supposed to understand and support her, just don't get it. The one person she least expected sympathy and understanding from, got it right away…reached out to try to comfort her, even if a bit clumsily. It's confusing, and in a way, a tiny bit wonderful. She'd been feeling she'd never see daylight again… but this tiny gesture, more than anything else, gave her hope. She glanced briefly over at Faith, and saw a tiny, encouraging smile on her, instead of her usual cynical smirk. As if a veil had been lifted from her eyes, she saw a different Faith… not the one she'd thought she'd known, but someone who had a lot more sides to her. In that instant, without either of them realizing it consciously, a small bond grew between them. It was tenuous and easily damaged, but it was real.

A silence descended on the car. But this time, it wasn't uneasy. The two women continued down the road, content to just not talk. There was no need to, everything had been said. At least, for now.

* * *

45 minutes later, they're getting close to Sunnydale. They've turned off the freeway, and are on the feeder road into Sunnydale. The last rise is coming up, and then the curve leading into Sunnydale proper. The city sign, " Welcome to Sunnydale" is just coming before them when….

In front of them, a person fell out of a speeding truck. Willow almost ran into the person lying on the road, and had to apply the brakes hard, jerking her and Faith violently forward.

"What the hell? " Faith said, jolted awake. " What's going on?"

"In the road, look…" Willow pointed to the shape lying on the road. " What's that?".

Willow pulls the car over to the side, and both of them get out. Willow rushes over and reaches the person first.

" It's a girl… and she's hurt…oh, god…she's bleeding… bad!" Willow pulls off her sweater, trying to staunch the blood.

Faith walks over, and with an unsurprised look on her face, observes, " Well, I guess we're back in Sunnydale, alright".

They lift the wounded girl, and carry her to Willow's car.

* * *

To be continued.


	3. Part 3

Independence 

By Norwalker

Part 3 of

Summary: What did Willow and Faith discuss in that little car trip from L.A. to Sunnydale in season 7? And what were the consequences? A Willow/ Faith story

Rating: R, Very R

Category: romance/drama/angst

Spoilers: Possible season 7 spoilers. Possible season 4 Angel spoilers. C'mon, you must have seen 'em by now!

Time Line: Mid season 7(after the return of Faith) and beyond

Disclaimer: Joss Whedon , Mutant Enemy and Fox own them.

Warnings: Adult themes, violence, sexual situations between members of the same gender. **_Please be aware, character death is always a distinct possibility_**. It can happen here, so don't say I didn't warn you!!! Any racist remarks are spoken by the characters, and are in no way shared by the author. This story is not meant for children.

To Pasha. Thanks for the inspiration.

Independence- Part 3 

* * *

5 a.m.

Sunnydale

A year ago

Faith is in the backyard of Casa Summers, looking at the fading night sky. The horizon is just beginning to lighten as the sun threatens to rise yet another morning.

_What a fucking disaster!_

Faith is beginning to think she should've taken finding that wounded girl in the road as a warning sign, and turned her ass back to L.A. Instead she breezed right into Sunnyhell, and stepped into a giant pile of crap.

Red was wrong. Buffy doesn't need help. Buffy's plain outta her mind. Thinkin' she can turn a bunch of little girls, potentials or no, into a fighting force against… that? Shit, if that Caleb dude is the kinda thing we're goin' up against, we're in real deep shit here. That guy tossed us around like we were a bunch of dolls. Killed two potentials right off, put out Xander's eye and nearly pummeled me and B straight into the ground. How the fuck we supposed to fight that? I mean I don't mind heavy odds, but there's gotta be some kinda hope.

'We're gonna take the fight to them. He's not gonna be expecting a full on attack this soon. ' Yeah, well that worked out real well, didn't it ? He mopped the floor with us, didn't hardly break a sweat, and laughed at us the whole time. What the hell IS he, anyway? Can't be human… nothing human can do that. Shit, no demon I know can do that. He just had to know when he sent that 'message' that Buffy would rise to the bait. And of course she did, without even thinkin' about it. Rushed right in and nearly got us killed, the bunch of us. What the hell was she thinkin' ?

* * *

9 hours previously. In the woods around Sunnydale.

Faith and Buffy are following one of the Bringers back to Caleb's. Despite the fact that he's blind, he seems to 'see' better than the two slayers, moving confidently through the woods as if it were daylight. The two slayers, trying to stay behind enough to avoid detection, are having a time of it keeping him in sight.

"Shit!" Faith curses softly, nearly tripping

" Faith!" Buffy hisses, " Quiet. We don't wanna let him know we're following him!"

" Well, don't get your panties in a bunch, B." Faith whispers, " I just didn't see that tree root".

The Bringer stops, 'looking' around , trying to sense anyone that might be following. The two slayers duck behind the bushes.

"Well, hell, he can 'see' pretty damned good for being blind" Faith mutters.

" Quiet, please, Faith" Buffy whispers. She raises her head up, trying to see what the bringer is doing. She sees him start to take off again , and waves back at Faith to follow. Faith gets up, and the two slayers are on the move again.

"B?" Faith whispers. Buffy, intent on following the Bringer, doesn't hear her. Faith calls out a little louder, " B?!"

"What?" Buffy whispers back, her tone a tiny bit irritated, " What is it, Faith?".

"Are you sure this is the right thing to do?" Faith asks.

" Following the Bringer?" Buffy asks, playing dumb. Not wanting to get into this discussion with Faith, " What else we gonna do? We gotta find where Caleb's holed up."

"That's not what I mean, B." Faith says, " this whole thing. Taking on Caleb like this. Kinda rushing it, don't you think?"

"So, what, Faith?" Buffy queries, " we wait til like he has his … whatever he has, in line, ready to go?. Or, maybe we should just sit back and wait for him to come to us? That what you think?".

"No, " Faith replies, getting irritated, " But you're doing exactly what he wants. I mean, c'mon B. That whole ' I got something of yours' ruse. Kinda has "Trap" written all over it."

"God, not you too, " Buffy says, exasperated.

" Not me too, what?" Faith asks, " I'm just sayin' we should find out more about him. What his deal is."

" Where we gonna find out about him? Insane-o 's Home Journal?" Buffy asks, sarcastically, " What do you think, Faith? Should we just go up to the First and ask ' Hey, what's the deal with Caleb?' Think that'll work?"

"Not even going to answer that one, B" Faith says.

" Look, Faith, I'm tired of waiting for them to come to us," Buffy says," He says he's got something of mine. I wanna get it back! Are you with me or not, Faith?"

"Alright, whatever" Faith says, tired of arguing, " You know me… just drop me in the hornet's nest, I'm good. I'm with ya on this."

"Good," Buffy says. They come up to the edge of an old Winery. They stop, keeping to the forest. They see the Bringer they've been following enter. They wait awhile, and a couple more show up, and enter the building.

" That must be it, " Buffy says, " We better get back and get the troops. Sooner we go the better".

Faith nods, and they turn around, heading back to the house. They cut through the woods silently, then Buffy stops. It's obvious something's on her mind.

" What? Why're we stopping?" Faith asks, puzzled.

" Look, Faith… I'm sorry, ok?" Buffy says.

Faith is immediately suspicious. " About what?" She asks.

"I'm not dismissing you. I know what you're saying is valid, ok?" Buffy says, " But I've been dealing with the First a lot longer. I've tried waiting, tried finding out more about what it's doing. But it doesn't play fair, Faith. It plays by it's own rules. We wait, more die. I've already lost too many… hell, losing one is too many. We can't over think this, Faith. We gotta strike before Caleb has time to get ready."

Faith has a small rueful grin on her face. Buffy looks at her, puzzled.

"What?" Buffy asks

" It's kinda ironic, B, " Faith remarks, " Seems like there was a time you'd be telling me to stop and think, and I'd be telling you thinking gets you dead."

"Yeah," Buffy says pensively, " Maybe I was wrong. About a lot of things."

"Whoa," Faith says, shaking her head, " Could you say that into my other ear? I thought I just heard you say you were wrong?"

Buffy hit Faith in her arm. " Knock it off" She growls.

" Still waiting for that guy with the scratchy voice to come out and tell me we're in the Twilight Zone" Faith teases, enjoying Buffy's discomfort.

"Faith, " Buffy says, trying to hold her temper, " I'm just trying to say… I should've tried harder. To see your side of things. I… got jealous. I thought you just … I thought that you had this freedom I could never have. And all my friends seemed to be on your side. I didn't see that you just wanted someplace to be. To be part of things. That you had stuff to contribute, and I just didn't listen. I'm… I'm sorry".

Not that easy, B. Faith thinks, but she knows it wasn't easy for Buffy to say what she did. Still, there's too much residual stuff to just get all mushy here.

" We don't have to hug now, do we?" Faith says, a touch of cynicism in her voice.

Buffy looks at Faith as if she's gone insane. " Hell no!" Buffy says. She quickly changes the subject. "Lets get back, we're wasting time here".

They move quickly to make up for lost time.

" I'm still not liking this, B" Faith says, not letting Buffy off the hook.

" Yeah, well… somebody's gotta be in charge. That'd be me" Buffy says, " Any questions?"

"Yeah… we're you always this bossy?" Faith asks, " No, wait. I remember. You were."

" Funny" Buffy says, not sounding amused, " Were you always this much a pain in the ass? Wait, I remember. You were!".

" Bustin' a gut here, B" Faith says, as they walk up to the porch.

* * *

Two more potentials dead. Rona and Xander in the hospital. More wounded, just not bad enough for the hospital. All of them scared thoroughly outta their minds… who can blame them? They're freakin', and where's there leader? Out somewhere… doing God knows what.

"Hey" a voice interrupts Faith's thoughts. She turns and sees Willow standing in the doorway.

"Yeah?" Faith asks abruptly. Not so sure she's in the mood to be talking to anyone right now.

"Just wanted to see if you're ok, " Willow says, sitting down next to her, " Are you ok?"

" Just peachy, Red" Faith says, her voice dripping sarcasm, " Gotta say so far, things are just goin' great. I just love getting my ass whipped by some half mad preacher guy with a real hatred for females. Never mind watching helplessly while he kills to little girls in front of my eyes, half blinds Xander, and breaks Rona's arm. Oh, and hey, being told I'm a filthy whore? Just the cherry on the crap sundae we had." Faith gets up and walks away, " Man, it's days like today makes me proud to be a slayer… I did so good". Bitterness replaces sarcasm in Faith's voice.

Willow comes and puts a hand on her shoulder, but Faith shrugs it off. Willow looks at her with sympathy.

" Faith, you can't blame yourself. It wasn't your fault, " Willow says, gently," You did your best, I know that".

" You're not getting it, Red, " Faith says, harshly, " I shoulda done better, but that fiasco wasn't my fault. That was totally Buffy's mess".

"Faith…" Willow's voice carries a warning note to it.

" C'mon, Willow, how far does you're loyalty extend?" Faith asks, edgily, " Buffy stampeded us into this little … escapade… and look at the results. Everybody tried to tell her it was a fucking trap, but did she listen? Oh, no, not THE SLAYER. She knows best. She overruled us all. Well, it turned out to be a disaster. Two more girls had to die so Buffy could do her thing. Tell me the right there? How 'bout Xander? Think he's all happy losing an eye? Those girls in there are scared shitless, Red" Faith says, her anger rising, " And where's their fearless leader? Out taking a walk. I spent an hour trying to calm them down. They NEEDED her to be there, to try to reassure them… and she's out getting the night air. So, tell me, Red, " Faith asks, her voice back to sarcastic, " whose fault is it?"

Willow's demeanor hardens, " You've been here what? 2 days? Buffy's had to deal with this a lot longer, Faith. She's been doing everything she can to keep these girls safe. And fed, and sheltered. And try to support the household, and everything else around here. We try to help, but she's got the whole load on her shoulders, Faith," Willow is steaming, " Why'd you think I brought you here? Did you think this was gonna be a picnic? I need you to try to take some of the load off her. To help her. Do you think you can do that?"

"Can't help someone who doesn't want it, Red" Faith says, simply.

"What're you babbling, Faith?" Willow says, irritated.

" She doesn't want help, Red," Faith replies, " She wants soldiers. Fodder. She's convinced she's right, everybody else is wrong. Like tonight, for instance. Did she once even consider that Caleb might be setting a trap for us? Nope. Just bulled right in, and got some of us really dead. Everybody tried to warn her, including you. Did she listen? Did she even consider it? No way." Faith changes tack, " Think about it, Red. Does she even know half the names of the potentials in there? Don't think so. I've been here 2 days, and I'll betcha I know more of their names than she does. Is that giving you a clue, Red? If not, then you're a bit slow on the uptake!"

" So… what? Who's gonna lead, then?" Willow asks, " You?"

"Are you nuts? You think I want her job? No way!" Faith says.

"Then who, Faith? Who's gonna do a better job?" Willow presses.

" Right now, Red? I think you're little girlfriend could do a better job!" Faith replies, a little cynically.

"What are you talking about?" Willow says, evasively," Girlfriend?"

" Oh, c'mon, Red, you think I'm as blind as Buffy?" Faith asks, " I mean, she might be wearing wrap-around blinders, but anyone with eyes can see you and Kennedy are like an item."

Willow starts to protest, but Faith cuts her off.

" Don't even try to deny it, Will, " Faith says, smirking, " it's like the gossip of half the girls inside. I can tell ya Kenny sure aint denying it."

"Faith," Willow said, sounding frustrated, " This is beside the point. You're standing there, telling me Buffy isn't fit to lead… but unless you've got some other, serious candidate in mind, exactly what IS the point?"

" You wanna point, Red?" Faith says, her voice hard edged, " unless you, or someone who's close to Buffy talks to her, gets her to see that she's gotta step back, cool down, get some perspective, then you're pretty little illusion that you can win this fight is gonna fall to pieces". Faith walks up the steps of the porch, and inside, letting the door close behind her.

Leaving a conflicted Willow standing on the porch.

* * *

Morning of the next day

Faith wakes a few hours later, the sun mercilessly beating down on her eyelids.

She sighs, and sits up, her body aching from the fight last night. The only thing she's happy about was that she' had the presence of mind to shower before laying down. She can hear the munchkins in the hall, waiting for the bathroom, and she's in no mood to deal with that this morning. She looks around the room, noticing her 'roomies' have already left._ Thank whoever. No mood to deal with questions this morning._

She pulls her bag from under her makeshift bed, and army surplus cot with one of those really thin, lumpy mattresses. _ Guess I should be happy not a sleeping bag._ She dresses quickly, not caring what she looks like this morning. She feels all hot and achy and her mind is wooly. She needs caffeine, pronto.

Leaving her 'room', the smatterings of conversation in the bathroom queue stop suddenly. She can feel the tension in the air, and all eyes are on her, some accusing, and some questioning. She almost makes a crack, but decides against, figuring they got enough to talk about already. Fear, anger and confusion are rolling off the girls in waves. _Not good, not at all good. Dissension in the ranks._ She shakes her head, and goes downstairs.

Entering the kitchen, she sees Willow, Dawn, Anya, Kennedy, Andrew and Amanda crowding around, trying to do something like make breakfast. Faith's stomach turns over, food right now sounds like poison. She looks hopefully at the coffee pot, and finds respite when she sees it's full. She makes her way through the crowd, reaching the cupboard and grabbing a coffee mug. She makes her way to the coffee pot and imminent relief.

Sipping her coffee, she makes an effort to ignore the whispered conversations. But then Anya speaks, and any pretense at getting a little peace this morning goes flying out the window.

" Why doesn't anyone just say it?" Anya asks, " Buffy screwed up last night. She rushed in, when everybody knew it was a trap, and it's a big mess now. This Caleb is strong, stronger than she can handle, and we're in for a world of hurt."

The kitchen goes silent, everyone staring at Anya. She looks around, surprised.

" Hey, I'm only saying what everybody's thinking!" She defends herself. She looks unhappy.

"Well, thank you for that report, Ms. Sunshine" Faith mocks.

"What?" Anya says, perturbed.

" I'm hopin' you're not expecting kudos for sharing that with us, " Faith says, her voice harsh." Guess what, Blondie? We're already kinda clued in to what happened last night. It's really not helpful for someone on the sidelines to be criticizing what's going on. What's your deal, anyway? I mean, Kennedy and I were there. Willow was here, protecting the other potentials. What exactly are you doing to contribute, Anya?"

"Hey, I do plenty" Anya protests.

" Yeah? Like what?" Faith asks, taunting her.

"Well, " Anya's brow furrows, thinking. She brightens, " Today, for instance, I'm leading a class on the Turok- Han!"

Faith doesn't reply; the look on her face says it all.

"Well, I do a lot of other things too, " Anya says, whining a little.

" I'm sure you do, " Faith says, ironically, " But it's really tough to hear you complain when you're all safe here, and the rest of us are risking our necks, ya know? I mean, I heard you're supposed to be some powerful vengeance demon or something…"

" EX-Demon" Anya corrects.

"Whatever. All I'm saying is, before you put your 2 cents in, maybe you should try doing more to help the fight. Ya think?" By this time Faith has moved close to Anya, nearly in her face. Anya backs up a little, but doesn't quit.

" Xander, " She says, her tone aggrieved, " He got hurt. Because of her, " Anya says. She looks at Faith, " I don't see you looking all that hurt. Why didn't you protect him better? He doesn't have superpowers… why was he even there?!"

" I dunno… maybe I was trying to protect the other potentials, and fighting for my life," Faith says, her anger rising dangerously, " Xander's a big boy, he's been through this before, he knew the risks. The others… not so," Faith says, " Anyway, if you're so worried about Xander, why weren't YOU there, watching his back?".

Anya goes silent, the guilt and worry plain on her face. Faith relents.

"Uh-huh, " Faiths says, but her tone isn't unkind," Look, Anya, I'm sorry that Xander got hurt. Really. But we lost two more potentials last night…they never get a chance to grow up now. The other girls are already upset enough. Do you think you popping off is helping?"

Anya, chastened, shakes her head.

" Ok, then, " Faith says, turning away to get another cup of coffee. She sees Andrew, with his camcorder, recording the scene. She's already pissed at him because of the stories he's been spreading around about her._ Fucking tough enough trying to get these girls trained, without them thinking I'm gonna go nuts on them any moment._ She storms over and grabs the camcorder out of his hands.

"HEY!" Andrew whines, " That's mine. Give it back!"

Faith looks at the camera, and figures out the controls. Rewinding it, she erases the last little scene from Andrew's tape. She looks up at him.

" Listen to me, geek-boy. Anya may irritate me, but she's somewhat useful. YOU, on the other hand, are just useless. IF I catch you pointing this thing at me again, I'm gonna cram it so far up your body, you'll never get it back, clear?" Faith says, staring at him. Andrew blanches, and nods. Faith hands him the camera. He grabs it, and scurries away, afraid she might do it anyway.

" Andrew!", Anya says, " I'm going downstairs to set up for class. Come with me and help?"

Andrew, grateful to escape the wrathful Faith, nods, and retreats from the kitchen quickly. Both leave.

Faith turns around, and sees the rest of the kitchen crew staring at her.

"What?" She asks, impatiently

No one says anything, suddenly finding something to keep them busy. Faith retreats to the coffee pot, wishing suddenly she had something stronger. She could use a drink or twelve right now. She grabs the paper for something to do; something to hide behind.

Willow, preparing breakfast for the hordes, glances up at Faith occasionally, trying to read her. _She's obviously pretty upset,_ Willow muses, noting her slumped posture and attempt to hide behind the paper. Willow feels a strong yearning to go over and hold her, try to comfort her. She feels an almost maternal urge to protect her. She shakes her head._ Goddess, now that's silly. Faith hardly needs me to protect her!_ Still, she doesn't like seeing her in pain, and wishes she could make it better for her. But she stops herself; she knows Faith would probably just reject it, and Kennedy would get jealous, misinterpreting what she was doing. _ When did it all get so complicated, anyway?_

Willow's thoughts are interrupted when the hungry horde descends on the kitchen. She puts out platters of food, watching as the girls serve themselves. She notes that last night's tragedy doesn't seem to have affected their appetites. The girls grab food and start wandering off, looking for their friends and someplace to eat.

"Hey, don't go too far" Willow calls out, " When your done, head downstairs. Anya has more information on the Turok-han you gotta hear". There is a collection of groans, mumblings and mutterings, but no one goes very far.

Willow, glancing at Faith again, notices she hasn't gotten any food. _What does she think this is? A restaurant?_ Sighing, Willow puts together a plate for her, and takes it over.

"Hey, here. You should eat something, " Willow says, quietly.

" Not hungry," Faith says, not looking up. Willow frowns.

" You're gonna feel better with something in your stomach, " Willow says, firmly, " You can't live on coffee, you know".

" I said I'm not…." Faith looks up, irritated. She stops when she sees the "don't mess with me" expression on Willow's face._ Well, well, looks like Red grew a pair overnight._ Faith chuckles to herself. And the smell of the food does make her tummy start to rumble.

" Ok, fine, I'll eat… mom" Faith mocks her gently. Grabbing some silver out of the drainer, she makes her way over to the breakfast table, and starts to eat.

* * *

Buffy stands at her front door, hesitating to open it.

She is tired to death. The dark circles under her eyes and the perpetual frown she wears are only hints at the bone deep weariness she feels. She feels like she's carrying a huge boulder on her back; with each defeat they suffer, the boulder becomes heavier, more crushing. Her physical wounds are minor; some scratches, a cut or two, and a number of bruises. Some of her muscles are twisted and throbbing. But it's the wounds that you can't see, the wounds to her psyche, that are the deep ones, the ones that threaten her existence. It feels as if her heart has been cut to pieces, and patched back together badly. Her blood feels hot, tainted, as if she's been poisoned. A deep sickening infection is eating her soul; she feels as if she's dying slowly from the inside.

Buffy reaches for the doorknob and stops herself when she sees her hand shaking._ Get yourself under control, Buffy. They don't have time for you to go to pieces now._ She squeezes her eyes shut, her jaw clenching in concentration. Slowly, her hand stops shaking. _If only I could stop the fear and dread I feel that easily. Stop it, Buffy. You can do this. You gotta do this; they need you now._

Squaring her shoulders, she opens the door and goes inside.

* * *

Faith is just putting her plate in the sink when she hears the front door open. Turning, she walks to the kitchen door just as Buffy calls out.

" Hello? Anyone here?" Buffy calls, coming through the foyer to the living room. Seeing no one in the living room, she heads for the kitchen, where she sees Willow, Kennedy, Amanda and Faith.

"Isn't Anya having a class on the Uber vamps?" Buffy asks.

Willow nods, indicating the basement.

" So, how come you two aren't there?" Buffy asks Amanda and Kennedy.

The two potentials look at each other, then at Buffy.

"We're going now" Kennedy says shortly, and she and Amanda go down into the basement.

Buffy watches them go, her brow furrowed._ That girl is gonna be trouble,_ She thinks to herself, about Kennedy. She turns back to Willow.

"How're they holding up?" Buffy asks Willow.

Willow is about to reply when Faith cuts her off.

" How'd ya expect them to be doin, B?" Faith asks, her tone a little cold, " They're dealing".

" I was asking Willow, Faith" Buffy says, brusquely. She turns back to Willow.

" They're upset, of course," Willow says, acknowledging Faith, " But they're for the most part dealing with it. There is a lot of tension, though, and some muttering".

Buffy nods, as if it's to be expected. Faith turns away, muttering something under her breath.

" I'm sorry, I didn't hear that Faith," Buffy says, her tone cold in reaction to Faith's earlier comments.

" I said, " Faith says, " Who can blame them?"

"And that means?…." Buffy asks, annoyed.

" You're kidding, right?" Faith asks, nearly incredulous, " After that fiasco last night, you really gotta ask?"

"Faith, this isn't the time for that!" Willow declares, not liking what's happening.

" When IS the right time, Red?" Faith asks, sarcastically, " when they're all dead?"

Willow gasps, and Buffy's neck reddens, soon followed by her face. She stares at Faith, and her eyes seem to cut holes through her.

" Outside, now!" Buffy snarls quietly.

" Buffy… no, this isn't right…" Willow says, trying to calm her friend down, "She didn't mean anything."

" Whatcha gonna do, B? Beat me up?" Faith mocks Buffy.

" Get outside now!" Buffy's voice is low, but hard.

"Fine," Faith says, turning on her heel. She exits towards the back door.

" Buffy. No. This isn't the time to fight with her. There's too much at stake" Willow tries to appeal to Buffy's reason.

" We're not gonna fight, Will. Don't worry," Buffy says, trying to make herself calm, " But we gotta get this out. Just stay here and don't let any of the girls come out." Buffy turns, and walks towards the back door.

" Buffy!" Willow calls, still trying to get her to stop.

Buffy hold up her hand. " Just do it, Will" She says, and exits out the back door.

Buffy finds Faith in the backyard, facing away from her. She sees Faith, though her shoulders are slumped, is all tensed up. Her hands are fisted, and she looks ready for a fight._ Great, just great. This is so what I need right now!_

" Ok, Faith, what is it?" Buffy asks to Faith's back, " What's your problem?"

" Not my problem, B, " Faith says, turning around, " It's your problem!".

" Oh. And just what is My problem, Faith?" Buffy asks, derisively

"C'mon, B. You can't be that blind," Faith says," Look around you. This … all of this… is falling apart. Or don't you see that?!"

"Falling apart? What the hell are you talking about?" Buffy asks, " Yeah, sure, we had a set back last night, but we'll recover…"

" 'Set back' ? " Faith stares at her, not believing what she just heard, " is that what you call last night? Cuz, from where I was standing, we got creamed!"

" Yeah, it didn't go very well, " Buffy admits, defensively, " But were just gonna have to do better next time!"

"Next time? You really think anyone's gonna go back in that place again?" Faith is totally blown away with how out of touch Buffy is with the situation, " they know what went on. No one's gonna go back there again. Not like that!"

" Faith, get with it. We can't wait for Caleb to come to us. If we do, I can guarantee you that none of the girls are gonna make it, " Buffy says, " We gotta go back there. Find a way to take him out".

"B. You're not getting it, " Faith says, shaking her head, " You're just not getting it."

" Then enlighten me, Faith. Please!" Buffy says, mockingly.

" These aren't warriors. These aren't soldiers. Their little girls. They didn't choose this fight, they're stuck in it. They're doing their best, but in the end, they just aren't ready for it," Faith says, " They look to you for leadership, and you're not giving it to them. They think you've lost it, are out of control. That you're throwing them at an enemy, regardless of what happens, cuz you aint got a clue how to fight this".

" That's not true, Faith, I'm doing the best I can" Buffy says.

"Are you B?" Faith shoots back, " Why aren't you listening to anyone, then? You got lots of people around you, smart people. But you don't listen."

" I listen!" Buffy declares.

"Really? What about last night?" Faith queries, " You didn't listen very good last night. Everybody told you it was a trap. But you went ahead anyway, rushed us in there, right into Caleb's trap, " Faith says, " We got our asses thoroughly kicked. Xander's out, Rona's out, and we lost two potentials. Because you wouldn't even TRY to find something out about Caleb and his plans. You wouldn't listen to anyone but yourself!".

" Faith, I told you last night. Someone's gotta be in charge. This can't be a democracy." Buffy says, quietly.

" I'm not suggesting it has to be, "Faith responds, " But every good leader knows you have to listen to more than your own ideas. You gotta step back, take stock of your resources, and use them best you can. You can't just shunt everybody to the sides, expecting it all to fall into line".

"Faith. You said I don't get it, but it's you not getting it, " Buffy says, " You think I don't listen, but I do. I listen hard. I keep hoping someone'll come up with the magic plan to defeat the First. But it's not happening, Faith, it's just not happening, " Buffy says. She lets her guard down for a moment, and in that moment Faith sees into what's going on with her. She sees the dark circles under the eyes, the weary, deadened look, the worry, the pain the guilt etched upon Buffy's face. But only for a moment, because in the next instant Buffy hardens back up." In the end, Faith, I'm responsible. Me. I didn't want it, but I'm stuck with it. So, I gotta make the hard decisions, not you, not Giles, not Willow… no one but me. Like it or not, we're at war. In war, there's one leader, and everybody else has gotta fall in line. Not time for feelings, no time for egos."

" These aren't soldiers, Buffy. They're people. Scared people. They're not gonna just fall in line, not if they don't believe in you, " Faith says, " not if they don't trust you."

" They better, Faith. They better fall in line, " Buffy says," Cuz the other choice is, they're dead!"

" Tell that to Molly, Buffy, " Faith says, " Tell that to Chloe, or the other girls who've died. They don't trust you, they don't like you, Buffy. Don't you understand that? You gotta lighten up on them a little, Buffy. You gotta give them some space, some room to blow off some steam".

" Do you think I care, Faith?" Buffy asks, quietly, " They don't like me? They don't trust me? Ok, I get it. I'm not running a popularity contest here, Faith. Don't you think I know they think I'm the bitch from hell?" Buffy stares at Faith, " They hate me. Great. Let them. Let them hate me for all their lives. When they're surrounded by their kids and their fat, happy grandkids, let 'em tell what a bitch I was. How much they hated me. Just as long as they live long, full happy lives with lots of kids and grandkids in it!" Buffy feels the emotions welling up, but she can't show them, not now. _Gotta hold on, gotta._ She turns on her heel, not waiting for a response from Faith. She starts towards the back door.

" B, wait! We're not done!" Faith calls out, then starts to follow.

"We're done, Faith. I don't have lots of time for hand holding. That's a problem but deal with it, " Buffy says, over her shoulder, " You got a choice. Get in line, or get out of my way". With that, Buffy exits through the back door, letting the screen slam after her.

_Fine, Buffy, just fine,_ Faith says to herself, as she walks up the porch steps.

_You do it your way, I'll do it mine!_

* * *

Late evening, that same day.

Faith finds herself alone again, this time in the living room of Casa Summers. The day, which started out crappy, spiraled out of control from there.

She's sitting in the dark, the only light coming through the front window. She's staring out into the street, trying to put some order to the chaos of thoughts running through her head.

* * *

It started out innocently enough. All day long, she'd watched as the tension in the house grew worse. During training, most of the girls had just grouped off, talking about what happened, about Buffy, about everything except their training. It was a joke. Morale was in the dumper, and the mutterings and grumbling were getting louder. Faith knew if she didn't do something soon, it was gonna blow, and it was gonna get ugly.Buffy was out( _how typical_), so she decided to act on her own.

" I'm taking them out. They need to get out of this house," Faith says, explaining to Willow and Giles, " They're about ready to blow. They need to blow off some steam".

" I dunno… Buffy's gonna be pretty steamed when…" Willow says, but Faith cuts her off.

"Red, Buffy's not here. and besides, screw Buffy." Faith says, letting her anger show a little, " B would have these girls locked in little cells when they're not training or fighting. Thing is, she's not here to talk to them, or try to ease their minds. Well, it's getting' bad, and they need a night out."

Dawn walks in at the moment, catching the last of the conversation.

"Night out?" She says, " Where… who?"

" You, me and the potentials," Faith says." We're going to the Bronze," She looks at Giles and Willow. " Wanna come?"

"Somebody best stay here, to intercept Buffy" Giles says, " Guess I'll volunteer for that. I have to tell her about Spike, anyway."

"What about Spike?" Faith asks.

" I sent him on a little mission up north. With Andrew". Giles said, " Seems our boy Caleb didn't make Sunnydale his first stop".

" Well, I can't say I'm sorry he's out of the house, " Faith says, " him living in the basement gave me a good set of the wigs". Faith turns to Willow, " So, what about you. Coming?" Faith says, smiling a little, " Don't you think you could use a night out, too? And, it'll go down better if I have another chaperone for the munchkins".

" I dunno, " Willow says, looking indecisive.

"C'mon, Red. It'll be a hoot." She looks at Willow, and plays her trump card, " You're just scared, aren't ya? You know you can't back up that claim about being a better dancer than me. Chicken".

" I'm not a chicken!" Willow protests, " I'm just not sure it's a good idea for me to go out".

" Chicken" Faith mocks her, " bruck, bruck, bruuuuuck!" Faith grins at her.

" Chicken, my butt" Willow says, rising to the challenge, " I'm so gonna dance you're ass off".

" Yeah, dream on, sister," Faith says, " Anyway, you're girlfriend aint gonna let you!"  
"Kennedy's not the boss of me!" Willow declares, " I can dance with anyone I want to!"

" Whoo hoo, Red's grown a pair" Faith chuckles. She turns to Dawn. " Hey, why're you standing there? Get the girls and we're outta here".

So they were. So, how was she to know that the cops had a warrant on her? and that they were gonna go psycho on her, trying to kill her? Of course she had to defend herself. And who showed up, hopping mad, just as the fight's over.

Uh-huh. Buffy.

"What the hell were you thinking? Were you even thinking at all?" Buffy demands," You bring the girls here, out in the open where they're vulnerable, and of course you get into a fist fight with the police!"

" They NEEDED to get out of that house, B. They were going nuts there!" Faith shoots back, " Of course, how would you know? Seeing as you're almost never there!"

"That's a load, Faith, " Buffy says," You just wanted a night out, and dragged the girls with you. You put them all in danger bringing them here."

" I put them in danger?" Faith turns on Buffy, " What about you, when you dragged them to Caleb's? What about Amanda, Rona and Molly. Were they safe?"

Buffy's control cracks, and she decks Faith. She walks away.

_ Nice, Buffy,_ Faith thinks, rubbing her jaw in the dark. She can still feel the punch. _ How about sometime you punch me somewhere else… like in the gut?_

That was only the prelude of things to come.

Because by the time she got back from the Bronze, Buffy had called a meeting… with the insane idea of going BACK to the vineyards, again.

"… He's protecting the vineyards, or something in the vineyards. I think it's his power. I say we go back in, and take it from them." Buffy finishes her speech.

" Here's a crazy idea," Faith says, acerbically, " What say we don't? I mean, nice theory, B. But where's the proof? I'm not going back in there unless there's proof he's got something there. Neither should you, and neither should they" Faith indicates the potentials.

Buffy tried to argue her point, but it got ugly. Really ugly. As Faith watched, the potentials, everybody turned on Buffy. She found herself suddenly very alone. It degenerated into her trying to take authority as slayer…until one of the girls remembered Faith was a slayer. Faith tried to squash that idea, but they voted Faith into the leadership, and voted Buffy off the island. Not before Buffy turned on Faith and essentially accused her of engineering the revolt. She finally made a last appeal to the scoobies, saying she couldn't stand and watch it all go to hell. But Dawn, yes, Dawn , said Buffy either had to fall in line, or get out. Buffy got out. She walked out the front door, Faith on her heels.

" Buffy! This … this isn't what I wanted…" Faith says, trying to stop her.

"Don't" Buffy says, not turning around, her voice sounding harsh.

" Honestly, I didn't mean for this to happen…"

" Don't… be afraid to lead them, " Buffy turns around, tears threatening to spill, " Like it or not, their lives are in your hands now. Protect them, but don't be afraid to lead them". She turns and leaves the porch, and walks towards the street.

* * *

That scene keeps playing over and over in Faith's mind, as she sits here in the dark.

Their lives are in your hands now. Protect them, but don't be afraid to lead them

She sat there, her stomach hurting from tension and worry.

She hadn't signed up for this, she didn't want this.

She can't do this. She can't, she can't, she goddamned cant!

She groans softly, leaning her head in her hands. She realizes, she has no choice.

She has to.

Willow is standing at the top of the stairs, looking down at the shadowy form of Faith. Even from here she can feel the distress and anguish rolling off of Faith. _She looks so small, so fragile down there._ Willow knows Kennedy's waiting for her back in their room, but she decides that right now, Faith needs someone more. She descends the stairs , and quietly calls out to Faith, so not to disturb the household, or startle Faith.

" Faith?" Willow calls softly.

" Yeah, Red?" Faith calls back. _God, why won't they leave me alone?_

Willow walks over to where Faith is sitting, and stands by her. " Are you doing ok?" She asks solicitously.

Faith looks up at her, balefully. _She got me into this. God, I want to strangle her!_ She doesn't put thought to deed, however, and just answers her instead.

" Oh, yeah, I doin' great, Red, " Faith says, the sarcasm heavy in her voice, "I'm doing the happy dance here. You just can't see cause I'm doing it so fast."

" I'm sorry," Willow says, her tone a little defensive, " I just wanted to see if there was anything I could do".

" Oh, I think you've done plenty, don't you?" Faith says, acidly.

" Ok, ok, I get it, " Willow says, plainly hurt now, " I'll leave you alone. I obviously made a mistake coming downstairs". She turns to leave, more upset than she can believe.

Faith sighs. _ Aw, crap!_ " Red… Red?" Faith says, quietly, " Willow! Stop…please… I'm sorry" Faith says, contritely.

Willow stops, but doesn't turn around, " You didn't have to get hostile, you know".

"I'm sorry, Red, I really am" Faith says, putting her hands on Willow's shoulders. Faith turns her around." I get hostile when I get scared."

" You're scared?" Willow says, looking into Faith's face.

" Big time, Red," Faith says. " I don't got a clue what I'm gonna do here. I can barely take care of myself. How'm I gonna take care of all these girls? I … I don't know what to do, or how to lead them. But I gotta somehow, and I just … god, I've never felt this scared in my life!" Faith turns away, afraid Willow will see the fear in her face.

Willow reaches out a hand to reassure Faith, and is startled. _ My goddess, she's shaking!_ Instinctively, she puts her arms around Faith, to soothe her. Faith can't help it. The fear of screwing up, all her fears surface, and she's out of control of her body. She starts to shake.

Willow takes Faith in her arms, and holds her, trying to calm her down.

"Shhh… shhh… it's going to be ok. It's going to be ok" She says reassuringly. She holds Faith tightly

Neither she nor Faith sees a very quiet, very angry looking Kennedy watching them from above.

* * *

To be continued.


	4. Part 4

Independence By Norwalker

Part 4 of

Summary: What did Willow and Faith discuss in that little car trip from L.A. to Sunnydale in season 7? And what were the consequences? A Willow/ Faith story

Rating: R, Very R

Category: romance/drama/angst

Spoilers: Possible season 7 spoilers. Possible season 4 Angel spoilers. C'mon, you must have seen 'em by now!

Time Line: Mid season 7(after the return of Faith) and beyond

Disclaimer: Joss Whedon , Mutant Enemy and Fox own them.

**_Warnings_**: Adult themes, violence, sexual situations between members of the same gender. **_Please be aware, character death is always a distinct possibility. It can happen here, so don't say I didn't warn you!!!_** Any racist remarks are spoken by the characters, and are in no way shared by the author. This story is not meant for children.  
  


* * *

I _never wanted this!_

_I never wanted to be 'leader'. I never wanted to be a fucking slayer. I just wanted to be left the fuck alone._

_I never wanted any of this._

_Why the hell did I even come here, anyway? Oh yeah, they needed my help. Well, I sure helped real good, didn't I?_

Faith lays quietly on her bed, recovering from the misadventure she and the Proto-slayers had with Caleb. Her body hurts, but not nearly as much as her soul.

Why the hell couldn't Buffy have been a better leader? Why couldn't she have gotten the girls onboard, rather than alienating them and sticking me with being den mother to this rag-tag scout troop come slayers? "Lead them," She says, " Protect them but don't be afraid to lead them!" Christ, what a joke! Who's kidding who here, anyway? I'm no leader … that aint my gig, don't wanna play that set. But what was I gonna do? They kicked Buffy out, even Red and her bratty sister told her to take a hike. And then they turn to me. Like I know what the hell I'm doing. That's a joke. And oh yeah, I had a better idea. Oh yeah, it worked out so good. Let's go in, scope it out, find out the lay of the land, find out what ole Caleb gots to throw at us… then we can plan a real attack.

Dammit shoulda worked! We were just goin' in to scope things out. But that bitch son Caleb was waitin' for us! Shit!

Faith tosses on the bed. She can't rest. She starts to get up, then groans and falls back. She's antsy , on the edge and ready to pop.

So now I got two more killed, don't even know how many hurt. Fucking bomb that bastard had goin'. Shit, Buffy musta been right… Mr. Personality was hidin' somethin' important there… didn't have time to find out what. Two dead… how many more if Buffy hadn't shown up. Yup, yessiree, I sure did swell at my chance at being boss.

But dammit I was right! I know I was. I did it right… how was I supposed to know that prick would booby trap the place? I never shoulda taken the girl scouts in there. I shoulda gone alone. That way, when it went boom, I woulda been the only one got dead. Shit, shit, shit, shit and shit!

Faith senses she's not alone. She looks up and sees Buffy standing in the doorway.

Swell… she's here to gloat. Guess I got it comin'. But really not wanting to hear her say it.

Buffy walks to the end of Faith's bed and stops. She looks hesitant.

" How're you doing?" Buffy asks, quietly.

" Just great, B, " Faith says, lying. " Well, go ahead B. This is your chance. Go for it!"

Buffy looks puzzled. "What're you talking about?" She asks, genuinely puzzled. She walks up beside Faith.

"Aw, c'mon B, you know you been jonesing to tell me what a fuck-up I am since I got here, " Faith says, " Here's your chance!"

"Ok, again, what're you talking about?" Buffy asks.

" I fucked up, B. Don't sugar coat it. I screwed up big time!" Faith says, turning away.

Buffy's brow furrows. She reaches out, laying a hand on Faith's shoulder. Faith shrugs it off.

"Faith, you didn't 'fuck up' " Buffy says, ignoring the rejection, " You did what you had to."

"Yeah… great… tell that to the girls out there, " Faith says, " that'll sure make it all better."

"It's not about making it all better, Faith, " Buffy says, " it's not a popularity contest. We're at war. Sometimes you've got to make the tough choices. People aren't gonna love you for doin' it , either. And like any war, people are gonna die. Stupid, senseless deaths in a stupid, senseless war." Buffy's voice has a hard, bitter edge to it.

Faith turns towards Buffy. " You know, I envied you," Faith says.

Buffy raises a brow, but doesn't respond.

" I mean, I saw what you had, and I wanted it. The friends, the family, the whole thing. I wanted that. Thing is, at the end of the day, no matter what, you're all alone it in, aren't you?" Faith states.

Buffy nods.

" So, maybe that's the deal. Maybe that's why we never got along too good. Cuz there's only supposed to be one of us." Faith says.

" Yeah… and there's that you going all evil and trying to kill us all" Buffy interjects, a small grin on her face.

"Yeah, there's that, " Faith agrees, a small grin playing on her lips, " you're never gonna let that go, are ya?"

" Would you?" Buffy asks.

" Good point" Faith responds.

"Hey, I got somethin' I wanna show you," Buffy says, "Stay here."

" Not goin' anywhere, B, " Faith says, " Ever" She says low, almost under her breath.

"Faith?" Buffy says, " They'll get over it. Trust me". Buffy turns and leaves

" Not gonna hold my breath waitin', " Faith says mostly to herself.

While Buffy is gone, Faith takes the opportunity to inspect her wounds. Besides some nasty cuts and bruises, not too bad…except may a cracked rib. What the fuck… not like I haven't worked in pain before.

I think I let Red down, too. I know she was expectin' me to cover Buffy's ouster better. Well, why the hell should I, anyway? I mean… not like I wanted the gig. I did everything I could. But c'mon, these aren't fighters here… there a buncha scared little girls who are thrown in the line of fire. What the hell does she expect from me, anyway? Miracles? I mean, B's the cheerleader , ya know? If she couldn't get them all rah-rah and in line, what'd she think I could do? Betcha she's thinkin' right now how much she regrets askin' me to come to Sunnyhell. Probably talkin' it over with her little girlfriend right now, what a boner she made. I know Kenny's makin a deal outta it. God, that bitch is getting under my skin. Who the fuck she think she is, anyway?

God, when I was settin' up this little plan, she did nothin but question and make rude remarks, makin' like I was some kinda dork. Like I didn't know shit. Yeah, she's so experienced. What the hell is her problem, anyway? Dunno, I asked her that, in private, and she just got this blank look on her face, like she's not getting it. But she's getting it alright. I saw the look in her eyes. Man, somethin' about me's peein' her off good. Just wonder what?

Why the hell do I give a rat's ass, anyway?

Buffy walks in, carrying the Scythe. She hands it to Faith.

Faith looks it over, and is in love. She does a couple of test swings with it, and it just feels… so right.

" Wow, wicked cool" Faith says, in awe, " this could do some serious damage!".

" Yeah, I used it on some Turok-Han. It cuts through them like butter" Buffy says, smiling.

"Where'd ya get it, B?" Faith asks, reluctant to give it back.

" Actually, it was at Caleb's. From what I could piece together from Spike, Caleb stole it from some monks up north," Buffy pauses, thinking, " I know he wasn't too happy about me takin' it".

"Think this is what he was all fussed up about? Trying to keep it from us?" Faith says, still looking over the blade.

" Yeah, I'm pretty sure it is ," Buffy replies, noticing Faith's fascination with the Scythe. " So, do you feel it?" She asks.

" Oh yeah… it feels powerful… and old… and like… it's mine" Faith says. She hands it to Buffy, reluctantly, " I'm guessin' that means it's yours"

" It belongs to the slayer, " Buffy says, holding it for a second.

" Slayer in charge. Thinking that's you" Faith responds.

"I really don't know. Does it matter?" Buffy asks, giving Faith a sidelong glance.

"Not to me," Faith says, " I'm just here to kick some demon ass. That's all".

" Look, Faith?" Buffy says, " I know it wasn't you".

"Wasn't me what?" Faith asks

" The whole thing," Buffy says, vaguely, " you know… the … change in leadership thing".

" Believe me, that's the last thing I wanted, " Faith says, " I just wanted you to think about it before rushing head on into it".

"Yeah, well, I got all wrapped up in it, I know, " Buffy says, " I… I'm not gonna say it didn't hurt, but it was a good thing, too. It gave me some time to clear my head, see things more … rationally."

" Yeah, well… whatever" Faith says, turning away.

"Faith?" Buffy says.

" You still here?" Faith asks.

Buffy sighs. God, once, for once couldn't she make this easy?

" Look, Faith, " Buffy says, " It's not gonna get easier… and I need your help."

Faith looks suspiciously at her.

" I know we've not gotten along very well… ok, not at all… but… at least for this… we could try not getting at each other?" Buffy says, " I mean, I'm not talking friends here… just so we can trust each other. "

"Yeah sure, why not? " Faith says, shrugging, " I know I'll fight better if I don't have to worry you're gonna shove another knife into my gut."

Buffy rolls her eyes, asking silently Why me?

" Ok, Faith, I get it. You can put down the sledgehammer now. Touché!" Buffy says. " So, seriously, we ok now?"

" Yeah, " Faith says.

There's a pause.

" We're not gonna like hug now or somethin', are we?" Faith asks.

" No… really don't think so, " Buffy says, relieved.

" Good, cause I'd like to get some rest now" Faith says, also relieved.

" Ok then, " Buffy says, " When'll you be ready to start training again?"

" Geeze, I just got blown up. Think I can take the rest of the day off?" Faith complains.

" Yeah…fine. Tomorrow then" Buffy says. She turns to leave.

" B?" Faith calls out. Buffy turns around. " Thanks"

" Whatever," Buffy says, waving her hand dismissively. She leaves.

* * *

Unbeknownst to the chosen two, a third party has been privy to at least the last part of their conversation. She was passing in the hallway, and overheard them talking. A little smile plays over Willow's lips. Maybe they can work together without killing each other, She thinks to herself. Hearing Buffy coming out, she retreats back.

Maybe we'll make it through this yet. As Willow walks towards Faith's door, she senses something. So, she hangs back, just a little, and looks in. Faith is sitting on the bed, facing away from the door. By the way her shoulders are slumped, Willow can tell that the bravado Faith showed Buffy has left her. Willow doesn't hear a sound, but she sees Faith shaking, and realizes she's crying. She backs off, to give her some privacy.

Willow leans against the wall, thinking about what she's seen. This is the first time she's ever seen Faith show that kind of emotion. She's taking it so hard… and I know she's blaming herself. Willow can feel her own emotions well up. She wishes she could go in and comfort Faith, but knows she would just reject it, pretend it wasn't happening. She puts on this shell.. this ' I don't give a crap' persona… but she feels things… deeply. God, I wonder how many times way back did she feel stuff she wouldn't or couldn't admit to? Willow realizes she's seeing parts of Faith she's never seen before…maybe things she never looked for before. I always wrote her off as being a psycho-bitch slut with no feelings, just out to get whatever she could. I believed that image she spun, never for a moment thinking there was more to see. Maybe I was afraid to look deeper. Afraid I would be disloyal to Buffy. So I just accepted what I saw, and didn't try any harder. Willow's brow furrows. I never gave her a chance. She feels a little guilt. Maybe just a tiny bit of jealousy there too.

What Willow is beginning to realize is that her feelings for Faith are changing. Not so long ago she would've written Faith off as bad news. But she's been watching Faith since she got here, and Faith is not the same woman she was 3 years ago… not close. Oh yeah, she still does things her own way, still has that wild streak in her that's so attractive… I mean, unpredictable. But she cares now. I mean, ok, not so much the huggy-touchy-feely roses and puppies type, but I've seen her around the girls. She genuinely cares about them… what scares them, who they are, all that. More than Buffy, even. Ok, maybe not more, but different. And the girls respond to it. I see her actually responding back… like it's important to her. And crying? No way, never would've believed that if I hadn't seen it. But even though she's hiding it, it's the second time I've seen her vulnerable. That's so not what I would've seen off of Faith before. She's changed, and I'm thinking I'm liking it. Willow realizes that she's beginning to trust Faith. She's not sure how she feels about that.

Kennedy walks down the hallway and sees Willow leaning against the wall.

" Hey, Will, whatcha doing?" She asks, noticing Willow's distracted air. She also notices that Willow is close to Faith's room. For a brief moment her lips tighten, and her eyes narrow.

" Just trying to get a moment alone, " Willow says, caught off-guard, " You know how it is around here". She smiles at Kennedy.

"Here, in the middle of the hallway? Where about every girl passes dozens of times a day?" Kennedy asks.

"Well, hey, " Willow responds, cagily, " I like this place. It's … really peaceful for me. I … can really concentrate here, you know?" She closes her eyes and raises her hands, her thumbs and forefingers togethers. She chants a small " Ohm" , " See? Really meditation-y spot for me".

Kennedy looks at her like she's gone crazy, " Uh-huh", she says, her suspicions flying all over the place, " it doesn't have to do with a certain slayer in the next room….?" She asks.

" Huh, what? Slayer? What slayer? I don't know what you mean" Willow says, " Oh. Faith. No. It has nothing to do with her. Just like this spot".

" Uh-huh" Kennedy responds, not buying this, " So how come you're spot just happens to be outside her room? And why're you acting so weird?"

" Weird? Not acting weird!" Willow declares, " Well, ok, I'm a little worried about her. I mean, she got hurt and all…"

" Faith fucked up, Wills, " Kennedy says, harshly," She led us into a trap, and got some of the girls killed, and a lot of the others majorly wounded. So, personally, not so worried about her!".

"Kinda harsh, don't you think?" Willow responds, " I mean, do you think she meant to do that? How was she supposed to know Caleb was waiting with a trap!".

" It's her job to know. She was the leader. She should've figured it out!" Kennedy replies, " Instead, she …."

" She what?" Faith's voice comes from her doorway. She's standing there, arms folded over her chest. " She what, Kenny?"

Willow and Kennedy both look at Faith, surprised, and in Kennedy's case, with a little guilt. Faith focuses her gaze on Kennedy.

" C'mon, Kenny. You seemed ready to say something about me to Willow. More than ready to talk behind my back. Well, here's your chance to say it to my face. What's your deal, Kenny? What's your trauma?" Faith looks at her, eyebrow cocked.

" Faith, I'm sure she didn't mean anything…" Willow tries to defend Kennedy, but Faith cuts her off.

" No, Red, she meant. Let her speak for herself, " Faith says.

" You acted just like Buffy, " Kennedy blurts out, " I thought things were gonna be different!"

" Different? Really, how?" Faith asks," You thought maybe… oh… you were gonna be in charge?"

Kennedy flushes red.

" Yeah, thought so." Faith says dismissively, " You , and Rona, and a few of the other girls seem big on criticizing , but really kinda empty on suggestions. What exactly are you're creds, Ken-Doll?" Faith says, sarcastically, knowing that nickname irks Kennedy, " exactly how many vampires have you killed before coming here? How many demons? Matter of fact, besides training, what DID you fight before coming here? Except maybe the agony of acne?"

"Yeah, well, what makes you so special?" Kennedy retorts, " some second string Slayer with a prison record?"

" Kennedy, that's enough!" Willow interjects.

" And yet you and your buddies made me you're leader, " Faith says, quietly.

" What're you standing up for her for, anyway?" Kennedy turns on Willow, "She's not better than Buffy. She didn't listen to anything we had to say, she just decided everything and forced us to go along."

" Someone put a gun to your head, Ken-doll?" Faith says, acidly, " seems you were pretty gung ho to get onboard!".

" Yeah, well, I didn't know there'd be a trap waiting at the other end, " Kenny says, defensively.

" And neither did I !" Faith replies, " I don't have psychic powers, girl. No way to know what was at the other end. That was why we went in. To find out."

" And that worked out so well, " Kennedy says, her tone sarcastic," of course, what does it mean to you, anyway? I mean more of the girls dying? What's your kill count up to now, Faith?"

Faith flushes red, and she balls her fist. She'd love to punch this little bitch into the wall, but holds her temper in check… barely.

Kennedy feels a slap… from an unexpected source. She turns and sees Willow looking at her, white with anger.

" How dare you!" Willow says, her voice beyond angry.

"What? I… " Kennedy stutters, shocked and confused.

" You ungrateful little… " Willow swallows the word she wants to say, "… idiot. The only reason ANY of you are alive is because of Buffy's and Faith's efforts. They've been doing their best to protect you, and believe me it hasn't been easy. Do you have ANY idea what their up against? What they've sacrificed to take care of you? And you dare come up here and act like some spoiled brat, accusing Faith of …." Willow turns, her face red. " Get out of here. Just get out!"

" Red, calm down. It's alright. Let her say what she's gotta say, " Faith starts to reach out to Willow. Kennedy moves between them, blocking Faith.

" Get your hand off her, you … murdering bitch!" Kennedy says, " Why don't you just leave? We don't need you around here!"

Faith's face hardens. Her jaw is tight as an over tuned guitar string. Her fists are balled so tightly, she's digging into her palms with her nails. She looks like she wants to put Kennedy through the wall. Instead, she turns on her heel, goes into her room, and slams the door, hard.

" Good riddance, bitch" Kennedy says, turning to Willow. She steps back a pace when she sees the expression on Willow's face.

"What?" Kennedy asks, not understanding.

" What the hell is your problem ?!" Willow says, her tone frosty." Why'd you call her that?"

"What?" Kennedy says, shocked, " You're defending her? She's some psycho slayer jailbird! Everybody knows why she was in prison… it's not like it's a secret. Why're you sticking up for her?"

" I guess you haven't been listening, " Willow spits, angrily, " Why does that surprise me? You're damned lucky you've had the slayers watching over you. Get this through that … rock you call a head. IF NOT FOR THEM, YOU'D BE DEAD. Is that so hard to understand?" Willow barks, " but no, you don't get it. That's what pees me off. You're nineteen, the oldest of the slayers –in – training. Yet you act like a spoiled brat. You act like Faith is all happy about what happened. You …." Willow again bites her tongue, " You've got no idea what she's going through. All you can do is attack her. And Buffy. Why IS that, Kennedy? Are you so… stupid that you think you could even do half as well?"

" Well, I sure as hell wouldn't be sitting her on my butt, waiting for the First to pick us off, one by one" Kennedy says, angrily.

" Oh, I see. Ok, tell me, what's your plan then, Kenny?" Willow asks, " C'mon, you've got all the answers. Spill it!"

Kennedy stares at her intently, but doesn't say anything.

" C'mon Kenny, you've got all the answers. Share you're wisdom!" Willow says, " please. I'm waiting with baited breath!" Kennedy remains silent, " Yeah, that's what I thought, " Willow says, her tone disgusted, " How many apocalypses have you faced again?" Willow waits for an answer that's not coming. "Well, this is my seventh. Know what? I still haven't a clue how to defeat the First. Buffy and Faith are light years ahead of you, but this is the biggest thing any of us have faced. We're doing our best, but it's really not easy. And you're so not making it easier. So, again, tell me. What makes you think you can do better?"

Kennedy, blushing, looks down.

Willow reaches out, and lifts Kennedy's chin, " Look. I'm sorry I got angry with you, but no one is 'slacking' here, especially Buffy and Faith. So try to use that intelligence I know you've got, and stop making it so difficult for everyone. Ok?"

Kennedy nods curtly. Her face is still defiant. Willow senses more.

" Ok, what is it? Why're you so down on Faith now?" Willow asks, probing, " I mean, you were pretty jazzed about her being in charge". Kennedy starts to speak, but Willow holds up her hand, " The real reason."

Kennedy looks at Willow, as if she wants to say something… but then decides not to. She turns and storms off, downstairs.

Willow starts after her, then stops. Useless to try to get her to talk now. Just let her cool down, Will. We'll straighten this out later. She walks to Faith's door, and knocks softly.

" Go away. I'm sleeping!" Faith calls brusquely through the door.

" Faith, it's me… Willow" Willow responds, " Can I come in?"

There's a long pause. So long, in fact, that Willow thinks Faith didn't hear her, and is ready to knock again.

" Ok, whatever… come in" Faith calls out.

Willow walks into the room. Faith is lying on the bed, her back to the door. Willow stands for a moment, watching Faith, trying to scope out her mood. What she wants to do is try to comfort Faith, let her know it wasn't her fault. She knows she's hurting badly, despite the rough and tough exterior. This is my fault. She didn't want to be here, I talked her into it. I gotta help her, somehow. But Willow knows there's more to it than that. I don't like seeing her hurting. I can't believe this, but it hurts to see her hurting. I guess my feelings towards her really have changed. Once upon a time I would've loved seeing her hurt. But I know if I go " there, there, it's gonna be ok, you didn't fuck up…" she's just gonna withdraw. Willow stands there thinking about it. Trying to come up with something that'll draw Faith out.

" So… ummm… you gonna say somthin', or were you just planning on staring at me?" Faith interrupts her thoughts.

Willow, startled, notices that Faith's rolled over and facing her now, smirking. I wish sometimes she'd just drop that damned wiseass smirk! Willow thinks.

" Hey… I just came in to apologize about Kennedy. I mean… ummm… well… she's young, she doesn't do much in the deep thinking department. She really had no right to say those things she did", Willow says.

" Yeah, well… she's probably only sayin' what everybody's thinkin', ya know?" Faith says, " 'Faith fucked up. Faith's a bitch, Faith's nothin' but a sleazy lil slut jailbird, and why'd we ever listen to her'. Sound about right?" Faith asks, not expecting an answer, so goes on, " She's gotta right to think whatever she's gonna. Not like I'm lookin' to win Prom Queen here or nothin'. Don't give a rat's ass," Faith says, dismissively. Her voice tightens, " You can tell Ken-doll though, next time she calls me names , I'm gonna put her face in the wall… you there, or not!".

" I noticed you held yourself back. Thanks for that, " Willow says, " If it helps any, I think she's pretty pissed at me, too."

" Yeah, well, the girl's not big in the maturity department, " Faith says, " just go make nice with her. She'll get over it."

Willow shrugs, " Maybe. We'll see."

There's a pause… a long pause filled with an uncomfortable silence.

" Look, she still didn't have a right to say those things, " Willow insists.

" Look, Red, I didn't come here to be no leader. Wasn't my choice, as I remember, " Faith says, a tiny edge of bitterness in her voice, " I did it, but right now? I'd just kinda like to forget it. Buffy's back, she can play general again. Me, I'm just a grunt, plan on staying that way. That's what I signed up for."

" Faith, you can't just…." Willow starts, and is cut off.

" The hell I can't, Red. Den mother aint my gig. I'm strictly muscle. Gimme a sword, point me at the baddie, and I go" Faith says, " that's it."

"Things haven't changed, Faith. Buffy needs you." Willow says, " She's back in charge, sure, but she can't do it all alone. She needs more than muscle," Willow persists, " the girls are just hurting right now. Give it a little time, they'll come around, and see that it wasn't you fault. You're too … talented and knowledgeable about fighting to just retreat. They still need a trainer… and Buffy can't do it all."

" Look, didn't say I was gonna sit on my ass. Buffy already has me scheduled to start training the girl scouts again tomorrow. So don't get worried, ok? They wanna learn, fine. If not… well… I can't force them, " Faith says, " It's all kinda pointless, anyway." Faith says. She rolls over, her back turned to Willow.

" Pointless?" Willow says.

" You gotta know we got like less than dog's chance of winning this" Faith says, over her shoulder." We can't even knock out that crazy preacher guy. What chance we got against his boss?"

" So you're giving up?" Willow says, incredulous, " You're done? Why're you still here, then?"

" Cuz I promised, " Faith says, sitting up. She stands and walks over to Willow, staring her in the eye. " I said I'd stick, and I will. I made you that promise. But I'm just being practical." Faith continues to stare at her, and Willow is becoming very uncomfortable. She finally lowers her eyes.

" Look, you don't have to stay if that's how you feel, " Willow says, " I won't hold you to it."

Faith reaches out, and raises Willow's chin, so she's looking her in the eye again, " I made a promise, Red, " She says, softly, " I'm not the same woman I was."

They stand there for a minute, each looking intently into the other's eyes. There's something there, definitely something. But Faith breaks the mood by turning away, and going back to the bed.

" So, if we're done here, I'd kinda like to be left alone, " Faith says, " Feelin' kinda punk". She lays down, staring at the ceiling, as if Willow's already gone.

Willow stands there, looking at her. She's losing her, and she knows it. And that brief eye contact told her, there's something there that she doesn't want to lose. A hell of a lot that Willow doesn't know about her… and is beginning to want to. But she's gotta get her outta this shell she's building.

An idea occurs to Willow… it's rather radical, but maybe…

" Faith?" Willow says, trying to get her attention again.

Faith sighs, and looks over." What?" her voice is weary to death.

"I wanted to ask you a favor, " Willow says, quietly.

" Ok, ok, I won't make Ken-doll's face a punching bag, I promise" Faith says, going back to staring at the ceiling.

" No… that's not it… but thanks, " Willow says.

" Red, I'm not feelin' so great. So, just get to it, and quit fucking around, ok?" Faith says, a little harshly.

" I hate to ask," Willow says, brushing off the harsh tone, " But … well… I kinda want to go visit Tara's grave… and I kinda don't like going alone."

Faith looks over, her expression unreadable, " What?" she asks, puzzled.

" Just… when I go alone… all the bad stuff comes back up… all the darkness," Willow says, truthfully enough.

" So? Ask B… or Kenny… I'm sure they …." Faith is cut off by Willow.  
" No… I mean… I could, but they… they don't get it, ok?" Willow says, " They haven't been there… they don't understand what it's like. I know you have…" Willow hesitates, " I'm kinda hoping you'll anchor me… so nothing bad happens."

" Bad… like what bad?" Faith asks, puzzled, but interested.

" Faith, " Willow says, " that darkness… that stuff I went through… it's still here…inside. That's kinda why I'm scared of using my magic. I'm… afraid it'll come out again, " Willow says, her tone genuinely fearful, " I couldn't… be like that again. And… when I go to Tara's grave… I was there , right there, when she was shot … her blood … oh god, it splashed right on me, Faith!" Willow goes a little white, remembering, " I miss her so much, I … I need to visit her, so to speak. But I'm afraid too… do you see?".

" Yeah, I get it, Red, " Faith nods. " You want someone to hold your hand, and punch you down if you get all veiny again"

Willow nods, but remains silent.

Faith, looking at Willow, sees her pain. For some reason, she wants to help. I gotta be a sucker or somethin' to buy this

" Ok, Red, fine. We'll go. When?" Faith asks, " Not right now, I'm hopin. Not feeling much like headstones right now".

" No… not now… around sunset?" Willow asks, " I kinda… well, it's feels better then".

Faith looks at her.

" Sunset? In a graveyard? In Sunnyhell?" Faith asks, " You like livin' on the edge, dontcha?"

Willow looks puzzled.

" Vamps, girl. Just deliver up the evenin' meal, why don't ya?" Faith says.

" Hasn't been much vamp activity lately… at least, that's what Buffy's tells me" Willow replies.

"Fine, whatever. Sunset, then" Faith shakes her head at the craziness of the plan.

" Thanks, Faith, " Willow says, genuinely grateful, " it means a lot to me."

" Right," Faith replies, " Now gonna take a nap, ok? Not kidding about feelin' crappy."

" Ok" Willow says, quietly. She leaves Faith staring at the ceiling.

What am I doing? This is insane! But maybe…. It'll help.

Willow walks downstairs, lost in her thoughts.

* * *

The sun begins to set in Sunnydale, refracting off the low clouds on the horizon. A light show of gold and red is created in the sky, which looks to be on fire. Down below the light begins to play funny tricks, the shadows lengthening, the light taking on a strangely melancholy mood, as if regretting that it's hold is near done for the day.

Faith paces impatiently by the gates of Restfield cemetery. Her face, with its edgy frown and knitted brows, shows clearly she doesn't want to be here.

Where the hell is Red, anyway? I mean, does she think I'm gonna cool my heels here all night waitin' for her? Ok, I get she didn't want to leave with me… get Ken-doll all snappy and jealous again. Fine. But how long does it take to get from Buffy's house to here, anyway? God, I got here in five minutes, and been waiting half an hour!

What's her deal, anyway? C'mon, Red, you don't think I really fell for that " Oh, I need someone to hold my hand at the cemetery" crap, do you? I know you're up to somethin', got somethin' cookin' in that brain of yours. Probably tryin to make me feel like I mean somethin', make me feel better.

Well, get it through your head, Red, that I'm really not needing this. You got me confused with someone who gives a damn. I don't. Ok, I screwed up. Big whoop. Like that's never ever happened before, right? So all of a sudden I'm supposed to be like all broken up over some casualties? Like these little girls pretending to be slayers mean squat to me? I think ya got me mixed up with Blondie, Red. Don't mean jack to me. I didn't want the 'leader' gig, so I'm so not responsible when it all goes blewy. I did my best, and if anyone don't like it, well tough tits. I'm here to do a job, not to win the popularity prize. Never asked for it, never wanted it, and frankly, ya got what you paid for. Nothin' for nothin'.

So get this straight, Red. I'm here to get ya off my back, outta my biz, and to leave me the fuck alone. I don't need you're help, I don't need…

But even she isn't buying her tough act. She kinda lean-slides down the wall of the cemetery, her hand clasped over her face as if she had a headache… but that's not where it's hurting.

She is hurting. She can't stop thinking about how she fucked up, and she's hating that she gives a damn. Hating that it matters to her that she got some SiT's killed, that others were really wounded, and it's all her fault. All her fault, and some nice platitudes by Willow isn't gonna make the boo-boo go away. For one brief, dark moment she curses Angel for bringing her back from her dark place; back to a world where she feels and cares. Right now she'd give anything not to feel, not to care. She almost longs for that numbness she once carried around. It kept the pain away, at least. She pushes herself to her feet.

Well, screw this. I'm not waitin' here anymore like some stupid…

" Faith! Faith!" Willow calls, from a distance, running towards the gate.

Maybe it's the way the light plays on her, or the tone in her voice, or something else that Faith can't rationalize or even realize, but something breaks in her. Some wall she's carefully built comes tumbling down. Maybe it's not one thing, but an accumulation of a lot of little things. She doesn't know, but she does know something has changed. In this little moment, something has changed inside her. For the briefest moment, as Willow is running towards her, the rest of the world fades away, and she only sees Willow. As if nothing else existed for her.

It's too fast, too scary, and she can't deal with it. So she falls back on her old tricks, and stamps it down ruthlessly, hoping if she ignores it, it'll go away.

Yeah, like that ever works.

" Faith, " Willow, a little out of breath, wheezes," Sorry I'm so late. I had to get some things, and I … sorry". She sees the look on Faith's face, and is a little taken aback.

"Whatever, " Faith says, a little distant, " Let's just do what you came here to do, and get done with it, ok?"

" Ok, " Willow says, uncertainly, " are you ok?" Willow senses something amiss in Faith, more than even the blues she's had. She can tell Faith's trying to throw up a wall.

" Yeah, five by five, Red. Just peaches, " Faith says, her tone a bit tense, " just wishin' your timing for this little outing had been earlier… or another day."

" Faith, if you want to go, then go," Willow says, " I guess I can do this alone. Don't want to force make you come if you don't want to."

" Naw, Red, I'm here, ok?" Faith says, brusquely, " anyway not leaving you out here alone to be eaten by any night creepy-crawlies. Let's just go". Faith starts to walk off.

"Faith, where are you going?" Willow asks, not able to hide all the concern in her voice.

" Huh?" Faith asks, then realizes she doesn't have a clue where she's going. " Sorry, habit I guess" She stops, waiting for Willow.

Willow catches up to her, gently takes her arm, and leads her in another direction.

They walk silently , side by side. Willow watches Faith out of the corner of her eye, trying to read her mood. But she can only get that her mind seems to be elsewhere. The one thing she can sense is that Faith is uncomfortable with Willows arm in hers, so Willow lets go, and just walks quietly beside her. Sometimes I wish I could just walk in your head, Faith, Willow thinks, glancing over at the woman walking beside her. Wish I could get a clue as to what makes you go. We seem to get a bit closer, then you draw away. It makes me nuts!

As they approach Tara's grave, Willow can feel Faith's tension increasing. It occurs to Willow that perhaps Faith's unease is because of the place, and not the situation. Maybe cuz she has to deal with death all the time, it wigs her being here. Damn, Will, can you get more stupid! She's afraid of death… her death! What the heck was I thinking ,bringing her here? Knowing it's too late to change things now, Willow's determined to finish this as soon as possible. When they reach the grave, Faith hangs back, standing a few feet from the foot of Tara's grave. Willow continues on, and takes a small, smooth stone from her pocket. She places it on Tara's headstone, along with a talisman representing happiness and peace, and a few other items. She kneels by the headstone, tracing her finger over the lettering.

Tara Maclay

1980-2002

Beloved Friend

And cherished lover

" You're my girl. My everything"

We miss you

As she kneels by the stone, all the emotions, the pain and the grief she felt that day… that horrible day… comes back to her, strong as ever. She feels the shock and horror of seeing Tara's life splatter red on her blouse. She feels again the wrenching pain as she realizes her love, her one life love, is wrenched from her again, this time forever. She feels the anger coursing through her blood, and in that anger she feels the darkness wrap around her heart. A year later, it seems as if it happened just hours ago. The ache in her heart burns like fire, the grief and loss flows through her blood like acid. And behind it all is the darkness, the angry vengeance that took her soul, and twisted it, driving her to destroy the man who took Tara from her, to try to destroy her friends, and ultimately the world. Even now it tickles at the back of her mind, seeking entrance .

She sees through its eyes the face of the man she murdered. She sees the fear in his eyes, the horror in the brief moment he realized his imminent death. She can hear his scream as she flayed the skin from his body, and again feel the twisted joy that enraptured her at that moment. She is filled with revulsion and self loathing, because it's hollow. It means nothing, except pain and fear. Fear of herself, fear of losing control. The worst is the raw icy fingers of guilt that play down her spine. She realizes that she was no better than the animal that killed Tara, worse in some ways because she knew better, and decided… chose to take the dark path.

She doesn't realize she's sobbing until a pair of hands descend onto her shoulders. She turns, feeling the tears coursing down her cheeks, and sees Faith, her expression softened, holding her shoulders, trying to lend some small comfort. Impulsively, not even thinking about it, she leans in and clings tightly to Faith, her body shuddering with the remorse, guilt and grief that steamrolls through her. Faith says nothing, just holds her, stroking her hair and rubbing her back. Yet the simple act of compassion says more than a thousand words, and Willow feels a gratitude beyond words.

Willow clings for a moment longer, laying her head on Faith's shoulder, taking comfort from her arms and small touches. She berates herself because this wasn't how it was supposed to be. All her grand and elegant plans to make it better for Faith have gone up in smoke. This is wrong, all wrong, I brought her here to give her comfort, to make her realize she's necessary and vital. That's she's important. Instead she winds up comforting me, and… that's not what I wanted. She starts to break away, but stops. She finds she doesn't want to break away. It feels good here, to be held, cared about… again. Then she does break away, because guilt sets in. It feels wrong somehow. She stands, brushing off some imaginary dirt on her jeans, then walks a few feet away from Faith.

" I'm sorry, I get… sorry", Willow says, not turning around, not wanting to look at Faith.

Faith stands, looking at her back. " It's alright, I get it. You loved her… a lot" Faith says, quietly. She feels a bit of envy and sorrow, because she knows no one has ever felt about her the way Willow obviously still feels about Tara. It's not what I wanted. I didn't wanna be tied down to nothin'.

They stand a few moments, silently, neither talking to the other. It's an embarrassed silence, neither knows what to say. Finally Willow turns around, and sees Faith looking at her, looking as confused as Willow feels. They stare at each other for a moment, a moment that seems to last forever.

" Look, ummm… Red… maybe you just need some alone time here… I'll be over there" Faith points towards the crypt a few yards away, " If ya need me".

"Actually, Faith," Willow says, approaching her, " I really… well, I'd rather… just stay, ok?" Her expression is pleading.

" Yeah, ok, Red. Whatever." Faith says, standing awkwardly at the foot of Tara's grave.

Willow comes over and takes her hand, leading her towards the headstone. Faith follows, a bit confused, but compliant. They sit by Tara's headstone, and Willow goes digging through her purse. She pulls out what looks like a home made cigarette. Faith looks at it, then at Willow…then back at it again. A small, knowing grin appears on her lips.

"Red… is that what I think it is ?" Faith asks.

" If you're thinking joint, you're thinking right" Willow says, taking a lighter out of her purse.

" Gotta say I'm impressed, Red… and damned surprised" Faith says, astonished, " never figured you to be the smokin' type".

" Yeah, well… lots of things about me you don't know, Faith" Willow says, lighting the joint. She takes a deep hit, and passes it to Faith.

Faith accepts the joint, giving Willow a sidelong glance. She sees Willow letting the smoke out of her mouth, and breathing it back up her nose. Damn this girl is just full of little surprises. She takes a hit, and passes the joint back to Willow. She feels the first tiny little buzz hitting her, as the smoke slowly escapes from her lungs.

" Nice shit, Red. Real smooth" Faith says, her grin widening." So, does B know you smoke dope?"

Willow, taken unawares by the question, giggles, then chokes a little as she's still got smoke in her lungs. " Buffy? God, no! She'd have a purple cow if she knew. I can so hear her lecturing me on the evils of marijuana. She'd boot my ass outta the house, thinking I'd be corrupting her innocent young Dawn with the smokin', " Willow giggles, " though it surely wouldn't hurt Buffy to do a joint now and then. Maybe she'd unwind that corkscrew she's got up her butt." Willow realizes she said that out loud, and blushes.

Faith laughs, nearly dropping the joint, " Red, I'm shocked! I never woulda thought you'd say that about B" she takes a hit, and passes back the joint, " Not that I'm disagreein' with you".

" C'mon, Faith. Buffy's more uptight than a cat at a dog show, " Willow says, taking another hit. She sits for a minute, just enjoying the buzz. " Don't know if the pot would be enough, though. Thinkin' she need to get laid, too". Willow passes the joint to Faith.

Faith, in the middle of her hit, nearly coughs the smoke out, " God, Willow, " she rasps, doing a double take of the red-headed witch, " You get evil when you smoke, "Faith shakes her head, sagely. She passes the joint to her other hand, "Thinkin' I should cut you off!"

" Hey… HEY!" Willow says, crawling over Faith trying to reach the joint, " Who died and made you my mommy?" She stands up, and swipes the joint out of Faith's fingers, " God, isn't one Sheila Rosenberg enough?" She takes a hit.

Faith grows silent, thinking about her own mother. How strained their relationship had grown… all the bad stuff that came between them before she died. Her buzz dies a swift death, and she gets just a little cranky.

" Trust me, buzzkill, I don't wanna be your mommy. Don't wanna be anybody's mommy" Faith says, grumpily. She stands up, feeling a little shaky, and brushes herself off. " Do whatever the fuck ya want, Red, " Faith says, walking away.

"Aw, Faith" Willow calls out, following her, " Hey, Faith… c'mon, I was only like joking…c'mon, don't leave!" Willow trots after her, feeling a little unsteady.

Faith keeps walking, not acknowledging Willow at all. Willow puts on a little speed, catching up. She grabs Faith's arm.

" C'mon, don't be that way. I'm sorry, 'k?" Willow says, " Why're you so touchy all the time?"

Why won't this bitch just leave me alone? Faith thinks, shaking off Willow's arm. She starts to walk away again, but Willow slithers around in front of her, blocking her way. " Get outta my way, Red, " Faith growls, tired of the game. Willow stands, her face setting into resolve mode. She crosses her arms over her chest.

" Or what? Whatcha gonna do, huh? Punch me, Faith?" Willow says, defiantly.

" Really thinkin' about it right now, " Faith says, her tone threatening. But instead, she just shoves Willow aside and starts walking away. She gets about half a dozen steps when she feels someone tackle her. Not expecting it, she goes down hard, her breath whooshing out.

" Stop walkin' away from me, Faith!" Willow commands, straddling Faith's back and pushing down on her shoulders, " Not done talkin' to you yet!".

" You don't wanna do this" Faith grumbles, her tone low and surly.

" Oh, don't I?" Willow says, sarcastically, " How'd you know what I want or don't want? You're always walkin' away from everything".

" Fuck you, Red!" Faith says. She pushes up suddenly, taking Willow by surprise, causing her to tumble off Faiths' back. Faith stands up, and turns to the now prone Willow, looking down on her. " Why don't you just go back to your girlfriend and leave me the fuck alone!" She turns and starts to walk away.

"Faith" Willow calls out, plaintively. Faith stops, her whole body attitude saying ' impatient'. " Why do you do this? All I want is to talk to you, try to understand you better. Why won't you talk to me?" Willow sounds hurt and defeated.

" Don't you get it yet, Red? There's nothing to 'understand' or 'know better'. This is it, kiddo. What you see is what there is, that's all" Faith says, not turning around. " So why don't ya go back to Buffy, and your scooby gang, and bug off?"

" I can't, " Willow says, more to herself than to Faith, " I can't go back."

"What?," Faith says, " What the hell are you babbling, Red?" She turns to look at Willow

" Don't you get it?" Willow says, desolately, " I told you about my addiction. I thought I could handle it, control it. Then I lost control, and lost Tara in the bargain. Then I really went out of control. I nearly got Dawn killed, and that got me to stop. I did stop. I cleaned up my act, and Tara came back to me… just in time to get shot by Warren. Don't you see? It's my fault. It never would've happened if I hadn't been weak. We wouldn't have been there that day, we would've been in our own place. I killed her, Faith, " Willow is starting to cry again, " Same as if I'd pulled the gun and shot her myself. I went mad with rage, wanting vengeance, hurting beyond words, but guilt… I was covering my own guilt, too. I nearly destroyed everything I loved because of my weakness and my pain and my guilt." Willow isn't looking up at Faith. She can't look at Faith. Not now.

Faith squats down next to Willow, silent but lending support.

" When I came back, " Willow continues, " It … wasn't the same. How could it be? I'd crossed so many lines, Faith. Happy Willow, the Willow who could see good things in the world, who believed that everything would work out… that girl was dead. She died the instant that bullet took the one good thing in her life, the one light…away." Willow pauses as a jolt of pain goes through her heart. " How could I be that same girl? So innocent? I killed a man, Faith. I flayed him. " her voice grows quiet, " and I liked it. I hated him so badly for killing Tara, for his … attitude… how not sorry he was, I liked it!" Willow hides her face in shame." How could I … ever be the same girl?" She looks at Faith.

Faith is silent. There's nothing she could say.

" But I wanted to try, Faith, I really did want to try, " Willow says, " I needed my life back, with my friends. I wanted it so bad, I needed it so bad, I needed to be " good old dependable" Willow again. But you can't do it. You can't cross certain lines, and ever come back. It's never the same again. I guess I knew that deep down. Every day I know it's not the same. I can see them watching me, waiting… waiting for me to lose it again, to go over again. I see it in their eyes, Faith. I'm like that third cousin everybody's got that's been in rehab. Everybody acts like its all the same, but you can tell their just waiting… waiting for the slip, the fuck up. Knowing it's coming. Don't they get it that just makes it worse?" Willow cries, " You know the worst part? The pity. Again, not in how they act. But in the eyes. Damn their eyes! I just so want them to stop it. Just treat me like they used to. Not like I'm some basket case. I just wanna be me, again. I just want them to see me as me again!"

"Wanna laugh, Faith?" Willow says, not expecting an answer, " I know this evening's been a laughapalooza so far, but hey this should give you a laugh! I brought you out here tonight cuz I wanted you to feel part of the group. I wanted to share this with you, so you'd know I felt you part of the gang. That's a laugh, huh, Faith?" Willow says, not completely keeping the bitterness out of her voice, "really a belly buster, huh? Cuz, how can I make you part of a group that doesn't want me in it?" Willow looks at Faith, finding her staring silently at her. " C'mon, Faith, it's funny. Laugh. Do something for God's sake, Say something. "

" Dunno, Red, " Faith mumbles, " guess it's not funny."

" Guess not, " Willow agrees, " guess it's not funny at all". She stares at Tara's headstone.

" I loved him, you know, " Faith says quietly.

"Who?" Willow says, a little distracted. She comes out of her reverie.

" The Mayor. I loved him, " Faith confesses. Faith, who never tells anyone anything, who believes in keeping one's on counsel, wants to talk to this woman. Almost needs to explain to her.

" The Mayor? Mayor Wilkins? You loved him?" Willow says, incredulous… and a little grossed out.

"No… God, not like that!" Faith says, also a little repulsed, " I mean, I loved him… like a dad, ya know?"

" Oh," Willow says, relieved. And still puzzled. " Huh?"

" Not at first, I mean, at first I was just trying to save my ass, " Faith says, " I know you guys were gonna pin me with Alan Finch's murder, " Faith says. " I killed him, I know. But I didn't mean to!"

" We know that Faith, " Willow says, " We knew that then. We didn't want to 'pin it on you'. We wanted to help you."

" Yeah, help me. Right into prison, " Faith says.

"Faith!" Willow begins to protest, but Faith cuts her off.

" No, I get it now, Red. But that's what I thought back then, " Faith says, " I guess I couldn't believe you guys really wanted to be my friends. I was the girl outside, lookin' in. I so wanted to be in" Faiths says, " But that wasn't gonna happen. I tried to bust my butt to be a good slayer, and a good girl, and all the rest of the goody-goody crap, cuz I guess I wanted it to mean something. But it was always Buffy this and Buffy that. I thought she had it all, and hadn't worked for it. That it was handed to her."

" That wasn't true, Faith…" Willow retorts.

" I know that now, Red, " Faith assures her, " not then, though. So I figured you guys were gonna give me up for Finch's murder, and I didn't want that. So, I went to the Mayor, figuring I could wheedle my way in, and get out of it. Work for him, and get back at you all. Cuz, frankly by that time I figured it was kill or be killed, " Faith looks away, not wanting Willow to see her face, " I hadn't planned on caring for him. Thing was, though?" Faith says wistfully, " he treated me like a daughter. Like I mattered to him. Dunno why, guess he was just playing me. I believe it, though. Guess I wanted to believe it" Faith says, quietly, " I needed to be loved, don't you get it?" She looks at Willow, and shrugs, " No, guess you don't. You were always loved, Willow. The scoobies always loved you." Faith moves a little away from Willow. " But I really cared about him. After awhile. Cuz I thought he cared about me. I needed that. I … was willing to do whatever he wanted, cuz I wanted to please him. Cuz I wanted him to love me." Faith's voice turns bitter, "Dumb, ya I know. He was just using me. I know that now. he knew my weakness, and played me. But it took a long time for me to figure it out." Her voice grows wistful, " half of me kinda wants to still believe he did."

" I think he kinda did, in his own twisted way" Willow says.

Faith looks at her suspiciously. Willow shrugs.

" Look, it gives me the wiggins to even think about that guy, " Willow says, " but I know that he … well, he tried to kill Buffy."

"Well, yeah. He was like going to kill all of you. So what?" Faith says.

" No, I mean it was more personal. It was around the time you were in the coma. Buffy was in the hospital too… cuz of Angel" Willow says, not wanting to relive that moment particularly, " I only got it second hand from Angel. But Mayor Wilkins went to Buffy's bed and tried to smother her to death, for what she'd done to you". Why the hell did I tell her that? Willow wonders to herself.

"Really?" Faith says, surprised, " I didn't know that".

" It really doesn't matter, though, Red, " Faith says, " I still fucked up."

"Yeah, well…welcome to the club, " Willow says.

A silence descends between them, but this time it's not awkward. Something subtle has changed between them; they feel comfortable just sitting out here, together. They sit watching the sky. Once in awhile Faith scans around the cemetery, looking out for the baddies, but mostly they just sit watching the sky.

"Some of them are dead, you know, " Willow says, softly.

" Huh?" Faith says, confused. What the hell is she babbling about now?

" The stars. Some of them are dead. They died… thousands, some millions of years ago. But they're so far away, their light is just reaching us now, " Willow explains, " Kinda sad when you think about it."

" Yeah, well, never thought much about it, " Faith says, her voice brittle, " never much for looking at the sky. Don't see many stars in Boston. Not in a downtown 3rd floor walk-up. Never really interested me, " Faith says, " guess I always felt that it was like lookin into the future. Never felt I had much of one, so didn't want to look there. "

Another silence ensues. They sit for awhile longer, not wanting the moment to end. Finally, Faith stands off, brushing herself off.

" We better get back before B thinks I kidnapped you or somethin' " Faith says, reaching out her hand for Willow's.

Willow takes her hand, and gets to her feet. The touch lingers for a moment, both looking at each other intently. Then the contact breaks, along with the moment they shared.

" Yeah, nothing worse than a huffy Buffy, " Willow agrees, then giggles, " Huffy Buffy".

Faith looks at her like she's lost her mind, but can't help grinning.

Willow moves over to Tara's headstone, leans over and kisses the rough stone. Something inside herself tells her it'll be a very long time before she sees this place again, if ever. She gets a shiver, as if someone walked over her grave.

"You ok, Red?" Faith asks, seeing her shiver.

"Yeah, I'm good, " Willow replies, " It's nothing". She does her best to shake off the feeling.

Turning away from Tara's grave, she follows Faith on the trek back to Buffy's house.

* * *

"Hey! Where've you been?" Kennedy asks as Willow enters the bedroom." I missed you!"

"Sorry, sweetie. I just decided to go visit Tara's grave. No big, " Willow says, looking around. " Have you seen my robe?".

" It's over there on the chair, where you left it, " Kennedy replies, " Why didn't you tell me, Wills? I would've gone with".

" It's ok, baby. I know it makes you uncomfy to go to Tara's grave, " Willow says, " Anyway, I wanted to see her before… "

" I just don't like you going out alone at night, Wills, " Kennedy interrupts, " You don't know what kinda nasty you'll meet out there."

" It's ok, Kenny, don't freak. I didn't go alone, " Willow says, " I took someone with".

" Oh?" Kennedy asks, a little suspiciously, " Who?".

" Xander, " Willow lies. After this afternoon, don't think tellin' Kenny that I went with Faith will go over so well. God, why is she so… jealous, anyway? We're just friends.

" Oh, ok, " Kennedy replies. She walks over to Willow, and puts her arms around her. " You ok, sweetie? You look upset!".

" I'm really alright, Kenny, " Willow says, giving Kenny a hug, " though I really don't mind the snuggles." She smiles and kisses Kenny briefly.

" Lots more where that came from, " Kenny says, smiling wickedly as she pats Willow's bottom. She sniffs. " Hey… have you been smokin?".

" Just half a joint, sweetie," Willow says, " I just wanted to calm down a lil before I came back. Didn't want to be all depressed and bluesy. Know it upsets you".

" Hey! You're my sweetie. You don't have to hide it when you feel blue. It's ok, " Kenny says. She giggles, " got any of that joint left?" She starts digging through Willow's pockets looking for it. Willow giggles, and playfully slaps her hands.

" No, silly. Xander smoked the other half. God, what a lil greedy guts, " Willow giggles, embracing Kenny and kissing her.

" Mmmm. Gimme , gimme, gimme, " Kennedy giggles, starting to rub and kiss Willow all over. She starts to undress Willow.

" Hey, slow down, you little minx, " Willow laughs, " I wanna take a shower. Get all squeaky clean and smelling nice for my hunny bunny". She reaches over and kisses Kennedy on the forehead, " I'll be back in just a few, sexpot".

" Want company?" Kennedy says, her voice low and sultry, " I'm really good at scrubbing down Willows."

" Hmmm… sounds nice. But with like 10 girls waiting in line? Don't think so, " Willow says," We'll be crucified… after they hang us." Laughing, she walks out the door.

Kennedy watches the door close, and the smile slips from her face. It's replaced by an angry little frown.

She's lying to me! I saw Xander not 15 minutes ago, downstairs. No smell of pot on him. So, who'd she go with, if not Xander? Who'd she have to lie about?

Kennedy doesn't have to think too hard about it.

Faith! She musta gone with Faith. What's that about? I mean, if it were all innocent, why'd she lie about it?

Kennedy, upset, stomps over to the bed, and throws herself on top of it. She crosses her arms, her expression angry.

That bitch! One of these days, I'm gonna get that bitch. She's not gonna be stronger forever.

Kennedy closes her eyes tightly, clenching her fists, trying to bring her temper under control.

She doesn't want Willow to know she knows.

* * *

Faith decides to hang back and not go inside.

She's still not feeling much like facing the hordes of Slayers in Training, Buffy and the scoobies, or Giles with his stern, disapproving looks. Instead she circles the yard, hops the fence, and makes for the back porch.

Just stay outside here til they all go to bed. Then I'll sneak upstairs. Yeah, I'm pretty good at sneakin.

Faith settles down on the porch. She stares out into the night, not wanting to really look up at the sky. It'll remind her of Willow, and right now she's not so sure she wants to be thinking about the red-haired witch.

Color me stupid, but what the hell exactly happened at the graveyard tonight? Faith asks herself. She's more than confused, she's nervous and just a little frightened. She doesn't want to admit it to herself, but she's just beginning to feel a little more than friendly towards Willow, and it's more than freaking her. Faith don't do that! Faith is way too smart for that kinda crap! Yet deep in denial as she is, Faith can't dismiss that something happened tonight. Something, but nothing serious. It's… well, it's like that wartime crap, ya know? We're at war after all. I mean, you get to feel' all close and camaraderie- like with everybody, but it's like only a sham. Once we do this, and if we survive it, shit. We'll all go our separate ways, everybody just jolly as hell. It's just one of those temporary thingies.

So why doesn't that make her feel happy? Why does that feel like a lie?

She sighs, and fumbles through her pockets for her pack of smokes. Finding it, she shakes out her last cig. Shit! She pulls out her lighter, and lights it, taking a deep drag.

" Ya know, one of these days, that's gonna kill you!" An all too familiar voice comes floating out of the darkness.

" SHIT!" Faith jumps up, dropping her cig." Damn!" She searches around, and finds the glowing ember. Gingerly she picks it up, and looks around, " B? Is that you? Tryin' to give a girl a heart attack?"

"What's wrong, Faith? Getting old? Figured for sure you'd sense me out here, " Buffy laughs, coming into the light of the back porch. " Maybe if you'd come out the normal way rather than hoppin' the fence, you would've known I wasn't inside".

" Ya, well, if you weren't sneakin' around in the dark, I woulda known you were out here, too, " Faith complains.

" Not exactly sneakin' More like sittin' " Buffy says, smiling.

"So what's the what, B? How come you aren't in giving pep talks and makin' plans and all that rah - rah?" Faith asks, eyeing her.

" Needed a break from it, " Buffy says, " thought for sure I'd be alone out here, That's what I get for thinkin', huh?" Buffy looks at Faith, " So what's you're excuse? How come you're out here, and not in there?"

Faith shrugs, " Dunno, not feelin' all that social. Figured I'd wait out here til everybody went beddy- bye". She leans back against a post and closes her eyes, sighing.

" Still blaming yourself, aren't you?" Buffy asks, gently.  
" Nawww, " Faith lies, " Like you said, it's war, and we get losses. Shit happens."

" Liar," Buffy says, busting her.

"Fine, B… whatever. Believe what you want" Faith says, dismissing her.

" You know Faith, I wish you'd take your own advice, " Buffy says.

" And that'd be… ?" Faith retorts, not liking this game.

" ' Don't take it all so seriously' ", Buffy replies. " I've noticed something while watching you training the SiT's"

" You watch me?" Faith says, " What's wrong, B? Think I'll corrupt the girls or somethin?"

" I notice that when one of the girls makes a goof, " Buffy goes on, ignoring her last remarks, " You tell her not to make a big deal out of it. Learn from the mistake, and go on." Buffy's brow arches, " Don't you think that's pretty good advice for yourself?"

" Yeah, well, their mistakes don't really get anybody killed, do they?" Faith says, irritated.

"Could. If it happens while fighting the First." Buffy says, " but that's besides the point, Faith. Because you're mixing up making a mistake with just bad luck. That's what you had. You did it right, Faith. You were going in to check out what the layout was, before you attacked. How could ya know it was gonna be booby-trapped?" Buffy asks. And answers, "you couldn't. So what's you're mistake?"

"Leading them into it in the first place, B" Faith says," that was my mistake. I'm not cut out for this."

" So what're you gonna do? Wait for the First to come to us?" Buffy asks," that's the thing about being a leader. You gotta make the hard choices. Even when it's not popular. Cuz you gotta. Or more, a lot more, die."

" I can't do this, B. I'm not you, " Faith says, " I can't watch 'em die, not because of my fuck-ups. They all know I fucked up. I can see it in their eyes."

" You think I like watching them die?" Buffy says

" No, that's not what I meant" Faith replies.

" Don't you think it affects me Faith? Do you really think I'm that cold?" Buffy turns away, " God, Faith, what kinda monster do you think I am?".

" B, honest, I didn't mean…." Faith starts.

" Every time one of them dies, I'm dying, Faith, " Buffy says, turning back, her eyes full of tears. " But I can't show it Faith, I can't stop. I gotta keep going, though I hate it, Faith. I really hate it!"

Buffy jumps off the porch, running into the darkened yard. Faith follows her. She finds Buffy by the back fence, leaning against it, crying. Faith can't hear any noise, the only way she can tell is that Buffy is shaking. Faith puts her arms around Buffy, trying to soothe her.

" It's ok, B, it's gonna be ok, " Faith says, calmly, trying to settle her sister slayer down. For the second time tonight, Faith becomes the rock some weary, miserable woman clings to, trying to keep from drowning. And Buffy does cling, because for the first time in a very long time, she has someone she can cling to who understands, really understands what she's going through. Even Spike hasn't been through what she and Faith have. Gradually, she regains control, and straightens up, letting go of Faith.

"Sorry…I'm sorry" Buffy says, regaining her composure. " I didn't mean to drown you there," She quips, weakly. " but I really need you Faith. I need you with me now. Next couple a days, I gotta have everybody up and running… and I need you're help getting there."

" Ok, B. I'll do whatever I can to help, " Faith says, solemnly, " Promise".

" Thank you," Buffy says, quietly.

Faith turns and starts walking away. Really needing to get away from this crap before it gets too damned mushy. Faith almost makes a clean getaway, when Buffy calls out to her.

" Faith, wait! There's something else" Buffy says, running to catch up with her.

Crap. Now what?

" B, can it wait? I'm really not feeling so good" Faith says, sounding exhausted.

" No, it really can't wait, " Buffy says, " I just need to thank you".

" Huh? Buffy, you just thanked me 10 seconds ago" Faith says, irritated, " not going deaf, ya know".

" I meant, about Angel" Buffy says quietly.

Faith waves her off. " It was no big, Buffy" Faith says, turning. Buffy catches her arm.

"It was a huge deal, Faith, " Buffy says, " Willow tells me you nearly died. That's a huge deal."

" Red really over exaggerates things, Buffy, " Faith says, " essentially, I was bait. He took it, and poof, Willow restored his soul. End of story".

" Not how I heard it, and since I got it from two sources, gonna believe them over you," Buffy says, quietly. " Gonna confess something to you, Faith, " Buffy says.

" Should I get a priest?" Faith mocks her.

" Funny, Faith, I'm dying of laughter here, " Buffy dead pans." When you came back, I didn't believe you'd changed."

" Gee, and I thought that warm welcome home punch in the jaw was genuine," Faith says, sarcastically, " I'm crushed!"

" Joke all you want, Faith, " Buffy says, " but the fact was, I thought you were the same girl. Just here for… god , I don't even have a clue. But I was wrong, Faith".

" Sorry, that's my bad ear, " Faith says," could you repeat that?"

" You're Leno tonight, Faith, "Buffy says, grinning, " thing is, you've changed, and I'm sorry I doubted you."

Faith looks around, as if she's expecting something. Buffy watches her, growing more and more exasperated.

" What?" Buffy finally asks," What?"

" Dunno. Expected the night to turn to day, a huge beam to come down from the sky, and a choir of angels singing."

Buffy rolls her eyes, " I take it back. You haven't changed. Not that much."

" You bet your ass I haven't changed, Blondie. I can still kick your bony ass" Faith crows.

" In your dreams, Faith." Buffy shoots back, " In your dreams!".

* * *

To be continued. 


	5. Part 5

Independence  
By Norwalker

Part 5 of

Summary: What did Willow and Faith discuss in that little car trip from L.A. to Sunnydale in season 7? And what were the consequences? A Willow/ Faith story

Rating: R, Very R

Category: romance/drama/angst

Spoilers: Possible season 7 spoilers. Possible season 4 Angel spoilers. C'mon, you must have seen 'em by now!

Time Line: Mid season 7(after the return of Faith) and beyond

Disclaimer: Joss Whedon , Mutant Enemy and Fox own them.

**_Warnings_**: Adult themes, violence, sexual situations between members of the same gender. **_Please be aware, character death is always a distinct possibility. It can happen here, so don't say I didn't warn you!!!_** Any racist remarks are spoken by the characters, and are in no way shared by the author. This story is not meant for children.  
  


* * *

_Ok, now I know they've gone nuts. _

_That plan of theirs is one screwball idea. I mean, they expect me to buy into that … scythe? thingie is gonna make all the potentials slayers? All that outta one little weapon? I don't care what kinda power that things got, it aint no miracle stick, I can tell ya that. But boy did the potentials buy it. Whooo hooo they want it bad. I can see it in their eyes. Especially Ken-doll. Man, she's practically salivating over the idea. Maybe she just wants enough strength to whoop my ass, dunno. She's one jealous little bitch, I'll tell ya. Funny too. Confronts me today, warning me off, whatta hoot!_

_It was after weapons' practice. I let her lead the group, cuz frankly she's not too bad with the stuff. Thought it'd give her a little thrill to be in charge ya know? What a joke! Anyway, she comes up to me in the backyard, right? _

" Hey, Faith, " Kennedy calls out to Faith, who's just about to the back door, " Can I talk with you ?"

" Yeah, sure, why not?" Faith says, turning around and going back out into the yard. _Why do I get the feelin' this aint gonna be good?_." What's the what, Kenny?" Faith asks. She sees the expression on Kennedy's face, and is already feeling this is going to be bad. Worse than she thought.

" What's the deal with you and Wills, Faith?" Kennedy asks straight out.

" Deal? Whatcha talkin' about, Kenny?" Faith asks, " no 'deal' … we're friends is all".

" Uh-huh, " Kennedy says, not buying that one for a minute, " Let me make this clear to you, Faith. Willow's mine, she belongs to me."

" She's… yours, " Faith says, a slight mocking tone creeping into her voice, " so like, you own her then? Hmmm. Funny that, thought slavery was like illegal?"

" Funny, Faith, but we're together, me and Willow. So back off. Quit trying to make time, " Kennedy says, her voice edgy.

" Excuse me? Did I just drop into another dimension, or something?" Faith says, fully mocking now, with a definite undercurrent of irritability. " Are you deaf, stupid, or both? I just said there's no "deal" between me and Red. We're friends, got it , moron? Is that clear enough for you? I aint tryin' to horn in on 'your' girl, stupid, so drop the jealous crap!".

"Don't play all innocent with me, Jail bitch. I know she's sneakin' around to see ya. So, I'm tellin' you, back off!" Kennedy says, her face flushing.

" Sneakin' around? Come on, 'baby bitch', Faith says, incredulous, " you gotta be jokin, right? No sneakin' here, girl".

"Really? How come she's lying about who she's with then? I mean about her going to Tara's grave. She told me she went with Xander, but that's a lie. She came back smellin' of dope, and I'd just seen Xander 15 minutes before… no dope on him. I aint stupid, Faith. I know you were with her. I could still smell the dope in your jacket the next day. So cut the crap, and tell me the truth. What's going on between you and Wills?" Kennedy, never overly smart, is just inches from Faith's face. She's almost spitting the words at her.

Faith pushes her back, rather more gently than she wanted to. " Ya know, for not being stupid, you're doin a pretty good imitation of it. I went with her to Tara's grave, because she asked me to. She couldn't find anyone else, and you get all jealous of the time she spends there. God, you're a case, Ken-doll" Faith says, deliberately irritating her with the hated nick name, " You're even jealous of a dead girl. "

"Don't talk to me like that!' Kennedy snarls at her, " Like I'm some kinda kid!"

"Then stop acting like one!" Faith says, " Get over yourself. No ones tryin' to steal Red from you, especially not me!"

" You're a fucking liar!" Kennedy shouts at her, " I don't know what the deal is, but I can see the way she looks at you. She thinks you're special. Well, I don't get it. You're just some trampy escaped ex-con slut, far as I can see!".

"Really?" Faith says, her temper beginning to rise, " Well, guess it's better than some half baked slayer wannabe. Who frankly has the brains of a turnip, and the self-confidence of a cat at a dog show. You're pathetic!" Faith, starting to steam, turns to stalk off… tired to death of Kennedy's crap.

" Hey… HEY!!! Don't you turn your back on me, bitch!" Kennedy reaches out and grabs Faith's shoulder.

Faith stands stock still. The tension ripples through her body. She growls over her shoulder.

" If you wanna keep that hand, you damned well better get it off my shoulder," Faith's voice is low, but deadly.

"Whatcha gonna do, Faith? Hit me?" Kennedy sneers. She knows Faith won't hit her, for Willow's sake.

But that doesn't mean Faith won't do anything. Before she can think, Kennedy finds herself flying over Faith's shoulder, and landing hard on the ground. She starts to get up when a voice comes floating over from the porch.

"What's going on here?" Willow asks, looking over the situation. She doesn't look especially pleased.

" Nothin', " Faith replies, helping Kennedy up, " Ken-doll wanted a little demo of an over the shoulder toss, and I gave her one… right Kenny?" Faith looks at her as if to say, ' be smart and just go along'.

Kennedy, however, is too mad to get it. She turns, and starts to tear into Faith. Not expecting it, Faith is knocked back, but only for a second. She holds Kennedy back, and does a leg sweep on her, knocking her to the ground.

" Stop it, STOP IT!" Willow shouts, " The both of you, knock it off." She marches over to where Kennedy is laying on the ground, and helps her up. " Don't we have enough trouble with The First, without you two fighting? I can't believe you two!" Willow says, crossly, " Are you children? Why're you fighting, anyway?"

" Ask _her_, Red, I don't want nothin' to do with this!" Faith says, her temper on the rise again, " She's got real problems. Like jealousy to the max, for one. Tell her to back the fuck off!"

" Faith, she's hot tempered , I know" Willow says, " But I really expect more maturity out of you. I mean, you know she doesn't stand a chance against you in a fight, and yet here you are, fighting with her. What're you thinking, anyway?"

" I'm thinking, Red, that I coulda done a lot more damage to her if I'd wanted to, " Faith says, her voice low, but serious, " I held back, I tried to walk away, but she wasn't havin' none of it, " Faith turns on Kennedy, " I don't get you, and I don't like you. But for Red's sake, I've been tolerating you. But if you start calling me names again, start getting in my face again, and all bets are off, Kenny. Got it?"

" Back off, Faith!", Willow says, her face flushed angrily. For a brief moment, her eyes turn black. " Just leave her alone!"

" Fine, I'll do that, if she leaves me alone!" Faith says, irritated. " She started this!"

" And you decided to teach her a lesson, huh?" Willow says, " Well, you need to start being a little more mature, Faith. Walk away, got it?"

" I tried to walk away, " Faith protests.

" Try harder, " Willow says.

"Fine, if that's what you want, I'll walk away. My pleasure, " Faith says, sarcastically. She turns and starts to storm off, but then stops, and says over her shoulder, " just keep her outta my way!" She starts to walk away, but stops again. She turns back. " Matter of fact, the both of you keep the hell outta my way! I don't need this crap, from either of you!" She turns on her heel, and storms into the house.

Losers, both of them. They deserve each other. I hope they fucking choke!

_Where the fuck was I? Oh yeah. Red and Buffy now got this idea that they can make slayers outta the bunch of girls scouts they call potentials. Well, I can tell ya their full of crap. It aint gonna happen, and we're all probably gonna get our heads torn off in this fight._

_But ya know? I kinda hope I'm wrong. I hope they succeed, and they make all these little twerps slayers. That way, if I survive, I can just walk away from this crap. Start having a real life. Whatever happens, if I survive, I'm so outta here they'll choke on my dust. And I'll be laughin' as they choke._

_They're nuts. The whole bunch of 'em  
_

* * *

Willow and Kennedy watch as Faith storms out of the backyard. Kennedy, standing behind Willow, chuckles.

" Stupid slut" She says, " You showed her. She's nothing but a …." But she doesn't get to finish.

Willow turns on her, and slaps her as hard as she can. Kennedy stands shocked.

" What the hell?" Kennedy says, rubbing her quickly reddening cheek.

" I'm sick to death of your little jealousy games, Kenny" Willow says, her voice rising, " I'm sick to death of having to defend you to everybody. What the heck is your trauma, moron ?" Willow spits at her, " If you can't trust me by now, if you don't believe I love you by now, then you better get your ass outta my room. Cuz I'm about this close to kicking you out, anyway!"

" Well, maybe I wouldn't have reason to be jealous if you didn't lie to me, Wills, " Kennedy retorts, " You lied about going to Tara's grave with Xander. I know that! You were with her, doing who knows what!"

" You're right, I shouldn't have lied. But I was tired, and upset, and didn't want to fight. And I know if I'd told you I went with Faith to the graveyard, you would've had another one of your jealousy fits. Am I right?" Willow says, angrily.

Kennedy just stares at her sullenly ,feeling she's in the right.

" I'm tired of this constant jealousy from you, Kenny, " Willow says, " I'm tired of feeling like you don't trust me. Let me make this as clear as possible. I DON'T LOVE FAITH, I LOVE YOU! I DON'T LOVE ANYONE BUT YOU!" Willow is getting angrier by the moment, and Kennedy, sensing her rage, backs off.

" I … I just love you so much, Wills. I don't … I can't stand the idea of losing you. Not to her" Kennedy nods her head towards the house, indicating Faith, " Not to anybody. I get crazy, I know. But I'm sorry, I really am!"

Willow rubs her forehead, as if she's got a headache. She shakes her head. " No, I'm sorry, I just can't deal with it anymore. You're not losing me, Kenny. But if you keep this up, you will. That's a promise. NOT because I want to be with someone else, just because I won't want to be with YOU. This stops now, I don't want any more of this crap, or I swear, it's over. Do you get it?"

Kennedy nods.

" Not good enough, say it" Willow says, firmly.

" I get it, ok?" Kennedy says, contritely.

" Good. Because I figure you understand what I mean. One more time, Kenny. That's all it's gonna take." Willow turns and starts to walk off. She turns back. " You better figure on NOT sleeping in the bed tonight, clear?"

" Yes, " Kennedy says, barely audible.

"Fine, " Willow barks, then she turns and leaves.

Kennedy stands there for awhile, head down, fists clenched. She's not a happy camper, but she knows she's almost blown it today. She's got to be more careful.

But she's gonna get Faith back, one way or another.

That's a promise.

She leaves.

* * *

Buffy is at the bottom of the stairs when she hears a door to one of the bedrooms slam shut so hard, it sounds like it's going to come off it's hinges. She knows only one other person with that kind of strength… two, actually, but Spike isn't here.

_Now what? _She asks herself.

At that moment, Kennedy comes slamming through the living room. Her face is grim, and she's moving like her tail is on fire.

Why oh why do I get the feeling that she's got something to do with this?

" Hey, hold up, Kennedy. What's going on?" Buffy asks, but Kennedy just brushes by her, ignoring her. Buffy rolls her eyes.

_One of these days…._ Buffy thinks to herself, grimly.

Next to come through the living room is Willow. She also looks grim, and is flushed and angry to boot. Buffy, now getting irritated, plants herself in front of Willow, effectively halting her.

" Ok, Will, spill it. What's goin' on? I've got one pissed off, wanting to tear the place apart slayer upstairs. I got one pissed off SiT brushing past me like the wind, and I've got, " She looks carefully at Willow, who's going red in the neck, " One very angry Wicca standing in front of me, shooting daggers out of her eyes. With everything that's going down tomorrow, I'm thinking, I don't need this. So, what's the haps, Will?"

Willow stares at her, impatiently, " God just a fucking mess, Buffy. A total fucking mess, " Willow says, the frustration, anger and feeling of helplessness coming through loud and clear in her voice. She makes an impatiently rude noise.

Buffy looks at her long time friend and confidant, worried. She's heard Willow maybe use the "F " word three times in her life. She's feeling a little nervous, because Willow has to be pretty far pushed to the edge before she uses it. And pushing the witch to the edge is not a good idea.

Buffy puts her hands on her hips, and strikes a stern pose. " My god, Willow, do you use that mouth to kiss your mother with?" She asks, not able to entirely play it straight, the mockery and amusement carrying through her tone

Willow looks at Buffy flabbergasted. She sees this tiny blonde woman standing in front of her, looking all too much like her own mother. She can almost see Buffy point straight upstairs, at the bathroom, and telling her, " Young lady, go wash your mouth out with soap!". It's so off the wall and unexpected that she immediately feels the rage in her dissipate, replaced by a desire to giggle. Which of course, she tries to suppress, because well… heck, she's angry. But of course that just makes it worse, and she lets out a giggle.

Buffy retains her stance, but a tiny little grin appears on her face. She gives Willow a sidelong glance, as if to say " Now, what was so tragic?" and that does it. Willow bursts out laughing, releasing all the built up tension.

When she finally regains control, she growls out at Buffy, playfully, " Grrrrrr… how do you do that, Buff? God, I should be so peed at you!" Willow says, gasping, the giggles still present, " but I'm not." She takes a breath, and tries to look serious again, but it's nearly hopeless. Still, she tries. " This is serious!"

" Well, how about telling me what's going on?" Buffy says.

" It's Kennedy and Faith. I caught them fighting outside, " Willow says, a trace of guilt creeping into her voice.

" Swell… just what we need. Hurricane meets volcano on the day before we go after the First, " Buffy sighs. She notes the tone in Willow's voice, " so what were they fighting about, anyway?"

Willow blushes, and looks at the floor. " Me, " She says, in a small voice.

" Willow, you minx!" Buffy says in high humor. Willow looks up, throwing daggers at Buffy with her eyes.

" What?" Buffy says, chuckling, " It's funny!"

" It's so not funny!" Willow says, perturbed, " they really don't need to be at each other's throats right now".

" Look, Will , " Buffy says, suddenly sober, " Even if our plan goes well, we still face the distinct possibility that we could lose tomorrow. I'm sorry, I'm not being very sympathetic, " Buffy says, contritely, " But I got bigger things on my mind right now. The fact that you've got two women jealous of each other over you? Well, that's just bonus, as I see it."

" Buffy, you're so off base, " Willow says, defensively, " there's like nothing between Faith and me. I'm with Kennedy".

" Uh-huh, " Buffy says, knowingly, " if you say so, Will " . But her expression belies her words.

" Buffeee!" Willow protests, " Faith and I are just friends. That's all."

" Gee, Will, did I say any different?" Buffy asks, innocently.

" Grrrrrr. Buffy, you make me so…." Willow is ready to explode again, " I'm telling you, nothing is going on between me and Faith. Geeze, do I gotta draw you a diagram?"

" Gee, Will. Chill. I'm only yanking your chain, " Buffy says, mildly. _Wasn't sure before, but I'm thinking that one brunette slayer and one red headed witch definitely have something going… even if they don't get it!_ " But I've still got two very stubborn women with very ruffled feathers in the house. So, gotta ask, whose you gonna try to unruffle first?"

" Well, Ms. Nosy Parker, " Willow says, annoyed, " NOT that it's any of your business, but Faith," Willow says, " ONLY because I was rather unfair to her!"

" Sure, sure, I gotcha, Will" Buffy grins, like the Cheshire cat. It's too fun, teasing Willow._ Not enough fun, lately._

" Well, Ms. Think-I-know-it-all, you don't know anything!" Willow sputters, " I love Kennedy! I do!"

" Will, honey, it's ok, " Buffy says, mildly, " I'm so not arguing with you." She walks over and gives Willow a hug, which just adds confusion to her already cyclonic confusion. While holding her, she whispers in her ear, " Ya know, if I were you, I'd go for the hottie" Buffy give her a friendly pat on the butt, and breaks the clinch, walking to the kitchen.

" But… but… their BOTH hotties !" Willow calls out after Buffy, confused and miserable. Realizing what she just said, she blushes.

_Damn!  
_

* * *

Faith is beyond furious. She can't stay still in her room. She lays down, jumps up off her bed, paces, goes to the window, then throws herself back on the bed. Finally, frustrated beyond all measure, she jumps up, goes to the closet and gets out her duffle bag. She throws it on the bed, and turns to the dresser. Without looking, or thinking, she starts emptying the drawers, throwing clothing helter-skelter in the general direction of the bed and duffel bag. At this point, she's really not caring where they land up.

_What the hell am I doing here, anyway?_ She asks herself, _this is totally bogus. I came her cause Red asked me to come. Why the hell was I so fucking stupid to think things would be any fucking different? Same old crap as before, just a new wrapper. I gotta be the dumbest person in existence. Thinkin' I could actually do something right in good ol' Sunnyhell. Ya'd think by now I'd get it. There should be a sign outside Sunnydale reading " Welcome to Sunnydale, unless you happen to be Faith!" Shit, what the hell WAS I thinking? That I could make good? That I could get them to like me? How pathetic is that? God, am I that needy? I need the approval of Blondie& Co.? Shit, no! Only one I gotta please is me. Why don't I ever get that through my fucking thick skull. Can tell ya, I got lots better things to do than get my ass killed here! Whatever, anywhere but here's gotta be better. Red and Blondie and the slayer scouts can take care of this. I'm outta here!_

She starts to throw stuff into her duffel bag, not really caring how it turns out. All she wants is OUT. She's just reaching for her clothing on hangers when there's a soft knock at the door.

"What?" She calls out, harshly

"Faith?" Willow calls through the door, " can I come in? "

" Don't think so. Bye now, " Faith grabs her clothing, and starts to stuff it in the duffel bag.

" Faith, please. I need to talk to you" Willow says, plaintively, " Please?"

" We've done our talking, Red. You made it pretty clear what you want," Faith replies, her tone edgy, " So, just get outta my face, ok?"

" Just listen, please, Faith?" Willow pleads, continuing, " I'm really sorry. I didn't mean to jump all over you. Just… I thought… oh, poop I don't know what I thought. I just know I blew it. Please, I was wrong, ok? Can't we be friends?"

" No, actually, we can't, " Faith says, cruelly, " Frankly, I don't want to be your friend… just get lost, ok?"

"Faith, please, " Willow says, leaning against the door, " I don't want to lose you as a friend. What do I gotta do to make it right?"

The door swings open, and Willow practically falls into Faith's room. Faith catches her, and puts her upright.

" Sometimes, Red, you can't make things right, " Faith says, quietly, her voice surprisingly calm, " sometimes you fuck them up forever." Faith turns away, and goes back to her bag, packing, " I thought I could come back here, make things right. But I can't, Red, I just can't. You guys are always gonna see me as psycho-killer-slut. I've bent over backwards tryin' to get along, and I'm just falling deeper into crap. I'm done, Red. I don't give a rat's ass anymore."

"Faith…what're you doing?" Willow says, seeing the duffel bag. "You're not leaving, please say you're not leaving!"

" Sorry, Red, can't say that, cuz I'm leavin', " Faith says, acidly, "Been here, done this, now getting gone."

"Faith, you can't go! We're depending on you. We need you, Buffy really needs you!" Willow cries, " How can you leave now?"

"Easy Red, just watch me, " Faith says, turning and stabbing Red to the wall with her eyes," Listen to me, witch. Buffy's got what she's always had. You, Xander, the scoobies. She even has the Slayer scouts. Bonus. She's managed to save the world without my help before. Funny, somehow I think she'll manage again."

"B-B-But Faith, I need you, " Willow says, desperately, " I really need you. You're… you're like… you know what I've been through. I … need that. I need someone to help me. I'm not strong like you. I'm so scared." Willow's confidence collapses, along with her composure. She turns away, trying to hide. She doesn't want Faith to see her this way, so weak. Her face bunches up as the tears start rolling down her cheeks. She grips herself, trying not to sob.

Faith, despite her anger, feels… compassion for the woman. She knows too well what it's like to feel that darkness, to revel in it, and then to sober up, hating what you've become. Trying to claw your way back, and everybody making it so much harder by 'forgiving' you, without really forgiving you. Despite how angry she is right now, she knows deep down she likes this woman, respects her, because she's fought to become herself again. It's like a drug, only worse, that power. It takes you, seduces you, and eats you alive, til there's nothing left of you. Giving it up is nearly impossible, because it makes you feel so powerful, so alive. But it's a joke, cause who you are, the things you are, the stuff you believe and feel, all that dies within you. Your nothing, you stop feeling, and you don't even know it.

Faith walks over to Willow, and puts her hands on Willow's shoulders. She turns her gently, and sees her crying. Her heart, her hard, hard, don't give a shit about nobody heart melts. She pulls Willow into an embrace, holding her close, like a child.

"It's going to be ok, Red, " Faith says, trying to reassure the despondent witch. She rubs her back, and cuddles her." I promise you'll be ok."

" I'm so scared, Faith, " Willow says, sobbing freely now, not caring, " I'm so afraid I'm gonna become … that thing again… what Buffy wants me to do … I'm afraid that… using those powers are gonna make me go dark again. Even simple magic pushes it close to the edge. How can I do that spell? I can't go… there again. I can't."

"Red… Willow, " Faith says, calmly, " You're stronger, a lot stronger than you think. You can do this, I know you can. Buffy believes in you…"

"C'mon Faith, you know Buffy, " Willow sniffles, " Sweet girl, not too bright."

" Trust me, Red, I'm the first to rag on Buffy when she's wrong. But she's not wrong, not this time" Faith says, " You can do this. You're strong, you're powerful. You just gotta believe in you like I believe in you!".

" Really?" Willow asks, looking into Faith's eyes, " you think this'll work?"

" Look, Red, I'm not gonna lie to you, " Faith says, " I think the whole idea is wonky. It just doesn't make sense to me".

" Well, thanks loads, " Willow says, " that really makes me feel a whole lot better. Ever think of doing this for a living, Faith?"

" You're not getting it, " Faith sighs, " I think the idea is totally bogus. But if anybody…ANYBODY… can pull this off, Red, it's you!"

Willow looks deep into Faith's eyes, until Faith begins to feel more than a little nervous. But she lets her do it, because she needs to.

" You really believe it, don't you?" Willow says, amazed." You really do believe in me, don't you?"

" Yeah. God knows why, but I do, " Faith admits, somewhat reluctantly.

"T-T-Then can I ask you something, a favor, please?" Willow says, almost begging. Her grip on Faith gets tighter, as if she doesn't want her to be able to squirm out of it.

" No promises, Red," Faith says, almost knowing what Willow's going to ask.

"Please, please stay. Please, " Willow entreats, " I need… I need someone who really believes in me to be here. If … I know you're here, counting on me, needing me to do this, I can do it… as long as you believe I can."

"Red, Buffy believes in you. Kennedy, despite her being an asshole, is smart enough to believe in you, " Faith says, trying to worm her way out of this. _So don't need this. Don't want this! I don't … I really, really don't!_ " You don't need me to be here."

" No… not enough, not enough!" Willow cries, clinging tighter to Faith, " They don't know… what I've been through. Not like you. You know. You know what a hell it is . How damned seductive it is . I need YOU, Faith, because you understand. Please, say you'll stay… please… please….please" Willow puts her head on Faith's shoulder, in the crook where her neck joins her body. "I need you so bad. Please, Faith, I need you." She whispers the last into Faith's neck.

_No! NO! NO! NO! NO! _Faith's mind screams. _Break away, run now. RUN! RUN! RUN! This is wrong, so wrong I can't tell you how wrong it is . Shove her away, make her go away. She's tricking you. She's lying to you. She doesn't need you. _

Unknowingly, Willow has hit on Faith's greatest weakness, and maybe in a way, her greatest strength. Her need to be needed. Faith has been wanted by so many, she can't count them. But she's never felt she's needed. That she's essential. Not a toy, but a really, truly desired partner. All of her short life, she's searched for someone, somewhere that's needed her. Her strongest secret desire is to be leaned upon, to prove she's strong, really strong where it counts. For all her tough manner, for all her cynical ways, she's basically at heart a decent, loving woman. But it's hard to tap that part of her, because she's been hurt so many times. Unconsciously, Willow has tuned to that part of Faith. She might not be able to say it, or even know it in her mind, but on some level she knows that this is what Faith needs above all. Someone who needs and counts on her.

"Alright, " Faith says, her voice having gone hoarse, "I'll stay, ok? Just… you gotta go now. I … I need to … do stuff."

"Please? Don't… make me go yet," Willow, her own voice soft and low, " please… just hold me… just for a little while. I …need to be held right now." If it's possible, she pushes herself closer to Faith, their bodies almost melding together, the heat building quickly between them.

" If … you… don't go… right now, Red, " Faith hisses between gritted teeth, " I…"

"What?" Willow breathes huskily into Faith's neck. Willow is beyond caring. Her need is so great, her need for this woman so dominant, that she couldn't be pried off her with a crowbar. "What?" She asks, looking up. her lips slightly parted, and oh so wet and ready. Her muted green eyes are sparkling.

Faith is lost. She's beyond words, beyond caring, beyond thought. All she knows is her need is so intense, she can't stop herself. Her lips descend and capture Willow's warm lips, and both of them are lost in the grip of their mutual passion.

Their lips smash against each others, the passion so consuming, so overwhelming. There is no gentleness here. Even animal passion pales against what they're feeling. Tongues, wet, hot, trying to dominate each others, dart in and out of their mouths. Hands move on their own accord. Later on, they won't even remember how they got naked, just suddenly, they were naked. Faith pushes Willow up against the door, slamming it to prying eyes. She lifts Willow, who wraps her legs around Faith's hips. Faith's mouth begins to consume Willows neck, shoulders, throat and breasts. She bites, she tongues, and she worries the loose skin. Faith's teeth marks begin to show up on Willows soft, pales skin. Willows moans and cries announce her loving what Faith is doing to her. She makes her hands into claws, seemingly, and is raking them over Faith's back, scratching her in her intensity. Faith growls, and bites hard on Willow's erect nipple, sending hard jolts of sexual fire to Willow's ever dampening mound. Her hips start to hump against Faith's belly as the fire in her mound begins to burn out of control.

Willow, sweet gentle Willow has become a savage animal. No, she's beyond animal, the demon in her comes out. She grabs Faith's head, pulling it up, laying a fierce, consuming kiss on her rich lips. She bites Faith's lips, pulling on them til they hurt. Faith's low grunts approve of what she's doing. Willow forces her tongue down Faith's throat while Faith's nails scratch and claw at Willow's sides.

Faith, Willow riding her like a horse, stumbles over to the bed. With a sweep of her arm she clears the duffel bag off the bed, and literally throws Willow down onto the cover. In a flash, in a move that's serpentine and sinuous, she's on top of Willow, her hands pinning down Willow's arms, her knees pinning Willow's legs. They growl at each other, their lovemaking savage and beautiful simultaneously.

Faith captures Willow's mouth in a hot, vicious kiss. Her tongue forces it's way into Willow's mouth. Willow sucks on Faith's tongue, pulling it deeper into her hot wet willing mouth. Willow uses a trick Buffy taught her to throw a vampire off of her, and manages to dislodge Faith's knees, wrapping her legs around Faith's waist and pulling her mound down to her own. She manages to somehow free her arms, and wraps them around Faith's back, pulling her closer. Her desire at a fever pitch, she begins to rub her overheated, sweaty body against Faiths, her breasts rubbing against Faith's fuller, heavier ones, her mound creating a sweet friction on Faiths. Faith's body responds, rubbing against Willows, stoking the hot fires already consuming them. Their bodies writhe in a fleshy, savage ballet, each bit of skin becoming an new dance stage, each touch almost lyrical in it's violence. What they have, what they're doing to each other goes beyond love, beyond lust, to a place so primal, so elemental it touches the very core, the very essence of their beings.

Faith, using her slayer strength, pulls away from the libidinous witch. She begins to take Willow, inch by inch, mouthful by mouthful. Her bites are not gentle, but Willow howls her approval, and uses her hands to direct Faith's head. Faith reaches Willows erect, painfully erect nipples, and bites on them hard, eliciting a low, guttural moan from Willow. She then suckles on Willow's breast, her tongue doing wonderfully erotic and savage things. Willow is in heaven, the ecstasy plainly etched on her face. She nearly screams out " Harder, harder, bite me harder". She's never felt anything like this in her life, and she's loving it beyond anything she's had before. Faith brings her hand up, and squeezes it hard on Willow's other breast, eliciting a pleasured gasp from Willow. Faith rolls the nipple between thumb and forefinger, and willow's hips go wild. She's bouncing all over the bed, her desire so hot she feels like she's melting inside.

Keeping her hands on Willow's breasts, pinching and pulling on her nipples, Faith begins to bite, lick and kiss her way down lower on Willow's squirmy body. She can smell Willow's arousal, the musky sweet scent that makes her go even wilder. Her mouth becomes demanding, greedy. She uses her teeth almost like weapons, hurting Willow with the savagery, while making Willow even madder with desire. Every little inch of Willow is her playground, and she so doesn't like to share. She explores every bit, moving relentlessly towards Willow's inviting mound.

She finally reaches her target, finding it soaked in Willow's honey, the lips red and swollen and pouty. She runs her tongue along the inviting lips, eliciting a low throaty moan from Willow. In one savage thrust, she penetrates Willow with her tongue, capturing her mind, body and heart forever. Enjoying the sweet musky taste of her lover, Faith uses her tongue to drive Willow screaming over the edge. Her tongue is relentless, greedily licking her parted lips and her swollen, almost bursting bud. Willow's moans are constant, her groans deep and rasping. Her hips, out of control, press against Faith's head, locking her in place. Willow's mind, her brain, is gone. She's just one huge bundle of pleasured nerves. The intensity of Faith's licks and strokes and bites are building within her, like a flood building behind a damn. Slowly, relentlessly the cracks in the dam become wider, longer. The flood begins to seep through, causing the walls to become weaker…weaker… until finally, with one last stroke of Faith's tongue, with one last suck on her bud, the dam collapses, and Willow is drowned in a sea of intense pleasure. Her body stiffens as the waters of her orgasm wash over her. All of her sounds combine into a low, deep moan that builds slowly into a near ear shattering scream. Then her body, abused, bitten, hurting, collapses.

Faith, feeling dominant, feeling so free, slithers up to the exhausted Wiccan, gathering her in her arms, cuddling the sweat-soaked woman close. She lays a tender, soft kiss on Willow, gently capturing her lips.

But Faith in her lust forgot the one rule about Willow: Never, ever piss off the witch… even in a good way.

Willow opens her eyes, looking at Faith's beautiful face. She reaches over, and pulls her close, kissing the generous soft lips, gently caressing them between her own.

Faith suddenly feels what must be a thousand fingers touching her… in every conceivable place. She looks at Willow, and notices her muttering a spell.

" Hey… no fair!" Faith complains, as the fingers begin to pull and push and caress at her skin. " No magic".

Willow just smiles, and suddenly, Faith is pulled over on her back. The thousand fingers are caressing her all over at the same time… her back, her buttocks, her thighs and calves, her feet, her hips and sides, her breasts, her arms and neck and face. Faith has never felt anything like it before… and soon it's driving her wild. They're probing her, and poking her, and caressing her, and pulling at her, all in the right ways in the right spots. It's like every nerve cell of every square inch of her skin is being stimulated simultaneously, and it's slowly shorting out her mind.

But Willow is no spectator. She gets up, and slowly, agonizingly, and torturously licks every tiny inch of Faith's body. Faith thought the fingers made her crazy, but Willow could do things with her tongue Faith could only dream about before. It slid in every curve, every rise, and every crevice of Faith's sexy and sexually charged body. The tip of it did nasty nice swirly things around the areolas and nipples, making Faith nearly cum at that point alone. It caressed the contours of her belly, and twirled deliciously nastily around in her belly button. It caressed the creases of her hips, where her legs joined with her mound. It slid smoothly down her thighs, behind her knees, and over her calves. All the while, the thousand tiny fingers caressed her, brushing on her charged skin like a cool breeze, raising goosebumps, making her totally mindlessly horny beyond all comprehension. When Willow's mouth slipped over her toes, and began to suck, Faith nearly died of pleasure. When her tongue washed between her toes, she was driven crazier still.

But Willow, nasty Willow, wasn't done. She made a circle gesture with her hand, and suddenly Faith found herself flipped over onto her tummy._ Ooof, what the hell is this witch doing to me… and oh god let her keep doing it! _She suddenly feels Willow's tongue traveling northward again, and she feels her own wet response to it. Her nipples, engorged with blood and painfully erect, are being somehow still caressed by those nasty fingers… and oh god is she ready to pop.

She feels her hips being raised, and lowered onto Willow's shoulders, and she… oh god, she feels Willow's tongue caressing her butt crevice. Then it's sliding down…down and down, and pushing between her swollen nether lips. But what's making her crazy… is that it's not stopping…it keeps going deeper… and deeper… _She's using magic, I know she is… no one's tongue can do that…_ it seems to swell and lengthen within her, fitting her perfectly… more perfectly than anything that's ever been there before. All the while, the thousand insistent, tiny fingers are touching her, caressing her. She's never felt anything like this before… and she never wants it to stop. And then Willow reaches out , and squeezes her bud….

Faith's mind shatters in the largest orgasm she's ever had. She's never been so out of control, so dominated by anyone before… and she likes it. She wants more… and more she gets, because Willow doesn't stop, she keeps at her, pushing her over the edge again and again, until even her slayer strength is exhausted. She's breathing heavily, her nipples are sore, and she's happier than she's ever been in her life.

The final spell brings Faith into Willow's arms. Willow cuddles her, caresses her, and holds her safe and warm. Faith has never been so thoroughly pleasured, never so loved in all her life. She's never been much of a cuddler… she always tends to kick her partners out of bed without a thought. But now, all she wants is to remain where she is, in Willow's arms, feeling warm and safe. Feeling loved, maybe for the first time in her life.

They snuggle together, temporarily sated and happy. But both are young, and strong, healthy and definitely horny women. This is only the preliminary bout… it's a long, intensely physical and intensely emotional night for both of them. They make love all night, never tiring of each other, always finding new, exciting and nasty ways to stimulate each other. They mate as if it's the last night of their lives.

Because it may very well be.

* * *

To be continued. 


	6. Part 6

Independence By Norwalker

Part 6 of

Summary: What did Willow and Faith discuss in that little car trip from L.A. to Sunnydale in season 7? And what were the consequences? A Willow/ Faith story

Rating: R, Very R

Category: romance/drama/angst

Spoilers: Possible season 7 spoilers. Possible season 4 Angel spoilers. C'mon, you must have seen 'em by now!

Time Line: Mid season 7(after the return of Faith) and beyond

Disclaimer: Joss Whedon , Mutant Enemy and Fox own them.

**_Warnings_**: Adult themes, violence, sexual situations between

members of the same gender. **_Please be aware, character death is always a distinct possibility. It can happen here, so don't say I didn't warn you!!!_** Any racist remarks are spoken by the characters, and are in no way shared by the author. This story is not meant for children.  


* * *

Sunnydale, CA.

May, a year ago

The sun shines mercilessly on her eyelids, sending little daggers through her brain but she does her best to ignore it. She hasn't slept much at all last night, and right now that's all she wants. Sleep. She doesn't want to wake up, because waking up means dealing with the real world. _Not , really not ready for that right now,_ she thought to herself.

Oh god, I fucked up. Why did I think with my hormones and not my head! Now it's gonna get all weird. She's gonna think it meant something, that it was special. Just cuz she did the mojo magic thing on me( god, how did she do that?), she's gonna think it some kinda thing between us. And I'm gonna have to tell her it was only sex. Shit. She's gonna get all weepy, and I'm gonna fell like a shitheel, but c'mon, Red, what do you expect? I mean, you're with Ken-doll, right? What about her, huh? Yeah, it was good, and yeah it was wonderful and all that crap, but please. Just sex, girl. Doesn't mean jack. Yeah, but is she gonna be like reasonable about it? Mature, an adult? Yeah, sure she is. Uh huh. Ah fuck, lets just get it over with. Damn.

" Hey, Red, we gotta talk, ya know?" Faith says quietly, keeping her eyes closed. Still not wanting to see the red-head again. _Too much temptation, Faith? Oh yeah, and just delay the bad news._" Ya gotta know that last night was… well, it was great. But it really didn't mean nothin, ya know? I mean… don't get me wrong, it was… well… wonderful. But. it was just hormones outta control. Ya got that, right?"

There's silence, every moment making Faith's heart sink lower. _Ah, man, she's pissed. I know she's pissed. She aint sayin' jack, and she's probably just lying there, looking all hurt, too upset to speak. Dammit, why can't I just not do this crap?_

"Red… Willow, look, I'm not saying it wasn't special. It was, but … we're just too different, ya know? We don't fit together. You're better off with Kenny, you know? It's pretty obvious the girls nuts about you. Can get that, you made me go nuts last night. But… you and me? Just can't happen." She waits for an answer, still refusing to open her eyes, knowing that a teary Willow's just gonna make her upset.

" C'mon, Red, say something. Even if it's ' Fuck you, Faith. You're a slut whore bitch'. It's cool, I know it's my fault. I shoulda been more in control. But you gotta admit you didn't help none. Bein' all close and warm and… c'mon, Red, say somethin' to me!"

Ah, c'mon Red, don't be this way. Just tell me to get the hell out, or somethin'. Don't just lay there and take it. Hit me, do somethin'. Shit. I gotta see. This is so gonna be bad, I know it's gonna suck big time.

Faith just barely opens one eye. She can't see much, but she looks over to where Willow is laying. Then her eyes open wide… Willow's not there. Only what's left of the depression of where her body was.

" What the fuck?" Faith says, her expression puzzled… and just a tiny bit hurt.

* * *

Faith half stumbles out in the hall, clutching her clothes, and thanks whatever gods there are that the fucking bathroom is free. Not even waiting, she zooms in to take care of bidness, and take a shower.

Stepping into the shower, she luxuriates under the pressure of the warm water. _God, been forever since I got a warm shower around here. _She lathers down, scrubbing off the scent of sex and Willow, telling her nerves and muscles it's time to get off their butts and wake up.

Ya got lucky, Faith. She dealt with it cool. No tears, no recriminations, just like an adult. Man, feels good not to have to go through a scene, trying to soothe someone's ache. Glad she saw what it was… just people givin' each other a lil touch and comfort. No strings, no commitments, just a lil slap and tickle…god, she can slap and tickle so nice. No tears, thank god for that… no tears! Gotta admit, she's one hell of a woman. Knows what the what is, and don't make nothin' more outta it.

_Yeah, Faith. You're real lucky!  
_

* * *

A couple of hours earlier

A wide awake Willow is leaning on one elbow, looking down on the sleeping Faith. Her face is a profusion of emotions, affection seeming to be the dominant one. She listens as the dark haired slayer breathes evenly, and reaches over to brush a stray lock out of her eyes.

_I wonder what she's dreaming? _Willow thinks to herself as she watches Faith sleep, _I hope it's good. She's had it so bad, for so long, poor baby._ Willow leans over, taking in Faith's scent. She thinks about what they did, and how it made her feel. _Man, she was so savage at first. But I loved it, how she made me feel so wild, so free. I don't remember ever feeling that way. But then, she was so gentle, so tender. Like I was… precious, delicate. God, she made me want to cry, when she touched me so softly. Her lips so sweet, her caresses… ah goddess, just so… so._

_She makes me ache for more of her touches. _

Willow leans over, and lays her head gently on the sleeping slayer's chest. She listens, and hears the steady tattoo of her heart. She smiles, thinking how wonderful it sounds, how much she could just drop off here… and sleep… so nice….

No! No! can't do that. Gotta get up. Oh, poop I hate this! Just wanna stay here, wrapped in her arms, never moving. Willow STOP! Can't happen, can't be. I know she don't want it. It'll just freak her out. And Kenny. God, poor Kenny! Oh man, I'm such a slut! I'm so bad! Poor, poor Kenny. I rag on her for being jealous, and shoot, now I give her reason to be! God, face it Willow Rosenberg, you're a slutty whore who cheats on her girlfriend, and just spreads it for… ah, she looks so sweet! Dammit, Will, get a grip! You're in a relationship, you can't be just … damn. Damn, damn and double damn. It's not fair.

Damn you, Faith! Why'd you have to turn out to be so damned special? Why couldn't you just be that slut bomb don't give a crap take what you want and throw away the rest girl like I thought you were? NO, you had to turn out to be … dammit!!! Not fair, so not fair. How can I love Kenny…and you… at the same time? Can't! That's it. It's simply infatuation, that's it. I'm just … fascinated with you, like a new toy! Don't mean squat, right? I know I don't mean jack to you. So… I gotta just remember it's nothing more than hormones and sex… oh, god, the sex was just… oh goddess. Just sex, just sex, just sex! That's it, it's only sex! Don't mean nothin'. Oh, man, just look at her… NO, don't look at her… grrr. I gotta go, gotta go now!

Going now… watch me go. Going. Willow sits up, but can't seem to make herself move. Listen to me, legs! Get out from under the covers, and hit the floor, and go. No arguments! You see my resolve face, right legs? So … no kidding around. C'mon, get up. Get UP! Hurry, go before she wakes up and takes me in her arms again, and I'm all helpless and weak and … Willow's face is pouty, her lip quivering Wake up, Faith. Hurry, before my legs work, hurry. Take me in your arms, don't let me go… please!…. STOP IT WILLOW!!! THIS CAN'T HAPPEN!!!

Willow stands up, looking down on Faith. Her face is all sad and mixed up. She stands for a minute more, just looking at her… hating this, hating all of this. She turns, looking crushed, and leaves, quietly.

* * *

Faith can feel the hum in the air. Everybody is excited, and somewhat on edge. This is the day. The day they've been waiting for, even if they didn't know it, for their entire lives. The day they're tested, and prove themselves worthy. Or die. Of course they all figure to prove themselves worthy; otherwise, they're just committing suicide. Faith, a veteran, knows better. But she keeps it to herself; she goes around rallying the troops, giving them words of encouragement and support. The past, the failures are forgotten. They're all warriors now.

Faith finds Buffy, Kennedy and Willow in the dining room, sitting around the big table. Willow has the scythe in front of her, looking more than a little worried.

" I don't know about this, Buffy, " Willow says, looking dubious, " I mean, I hate that it's all depending on me. Not feeling so good about that. "

"Will, it's going to be fine, I know it, " Buffy says, confidently, " You're gonna pull this off!".

" I dunno, " Willow says, looking a little scared, " What if …"

" Will, believe me. I know it's possible, and I know you're the one to do it, " Buffy comes behind Willow, and rubs her shoulders, " Now, I just need you to believe in you."

" I'll do my best, Buffy, " Willow says, still not looking all that confident.

"That's all I ask, Will, " Buffy says, walking towards Faith. Her grin is a little tight. " You ready for this?" Buffy asks Faith.

" You're kidding, right?" Faith asks as she pushes off from the wall and falls in step with Buffy. " This whole thing is totally nuts, ya know".

" Faith, please!" Buffy says, looking pained.

" Hey, I like nuts, ok?" Faith says, as the two slayer approach the weapons locker.

" Glad to hear it, cuz you're making me nuts right now. Need everybody onboard her, Faith, " Buffy says, sounding strained, " that means you too."

" Don't sweat it, B, " Faith says, " I'm with you. Just gotta keep ya on your toes, or you get sloppy".

"Yeah, talk about sloppy," Buffy says, giving Faith the critical eye.

"What?" Faith says, looking at her dress. _Ok, maybe not the most stunning outfit I've ever worn, but not exactly going to a party either, are we?_ " I had a rough night, ok? What's the big? Does The First have a dress code?"

"Rough night, right. Heard it. Never figured you for a screamer, Faith" Buffy prods, with a knowing grin.

Faith felt the heat rising up her neck into her face. Faith was never one to blush much; maybe she never felt embarrassment for what she did. But even she wasn't immune. Doesn't mean she liked it, and she let her feelings be known.

" Yeah, well, whatever, B. At least I know what fun is. Someday maybe you'll get that doublewide cork surgically removed from your ass" , Faith said, striding ahead. Now it was Buffy's turn to blush.

They picked their weapons. Buffy as her usual, took a short sword, and a dagger that she tucked in her belt. She got a couple of stakes, including the stake Kendra had given her so long ago… Mr. Pointy. Faith for her part when straight for a battle axe. She's always loved the heft and feel of an axe, gave her an increased sense of power. She also took a couple of daggers, and the requisite stakes. Armed, they left to join the others.

The others were gathered outside on the front lawn. When Buffy and Faith stepped out on the porch, the others raised their weapons in salute. Faith and Buffy looked at each other, shaking their heads. Buffy stepped forward to talk to them.

" Ok, everybody listen up. I'm gonna make this short, " Buffy says. A large cheer goes up in the crowd." Thanks," Buffy says, ironically, " Everybody knows pretty much what to do. Once we get to the high school, we split up into two teams. The scoobies guard the exits, keeping the baddies that get past us in check. The rest" She looks at the potentials, " are going down with me and Faith. Remember, prime objective, DON'T GET KILLED! Do your best to carry that out. Don't rush into battle, wait for it. Use your head, and fight smart. You've had good training by one of the best" Buffy nods towards Faith. Faith smirks to cover her embarrassment, " Now use it. Everybody ready?" a huge cheer goes up. " Ok then, let's do this. Let's put the bitch in the ground!" Another cheer goes up as Faith and Buffy descend the steps of the porch.

As they walk through the crowd to lead the group towards the high school, Faith can feel the excitement and tension coming off the group in waves. What is more telling is the subtler aroma of fear. She knows the scent well; she smells it every time she goes into battle, off herself. It's a natural part of the chemistry; everyone has it going into a strange and dangerous situation. Courage isn't the absence of fear; it's overcoming it to do what you need to do.

The walk to the high school is fairly quiet, though as in any large group, there are scattered whispered conversations. Faith and Buffy lead the procession, keeping an eye out for any little surprises The First may have planned for them. Fortunately, Caleb, the psycho in preacher's clothing was no longer an issue; Buffy had turned him into worm food with the scythe. But The First was nothing if not tricky, so the chosen two were on their toes, keeping an eye out.

**_" Faith!"_**

" Yeah? Whatcha want, B?" Faith turns to Buffy.

" Huh? I didn't say anything, Faith!" Buffy says, giving Faith a look.

Faith gives Buffy a sidelong glance and shrugs. She continues walking, thinking her mind is just in overdrive.

**_" Faith!!" _**

"What? What is it, B?" Faith asks.

" I repeat… huh?" I didn't say squat, Faith." Buffy looks at Faith, her expression worried. " You're not like losing it, are you?"

"Get real, B. Don't know the joke, and not liking it, " Faith growls. She walks a little ahead of Buffy._ Fucking losing my mind, or Buffy's fucking with my head. Either way so not needing this crap right now._

"Faith! It's me, Willow"

****

" Willow?" Faith asks, looking around. _What the fuck?_

"What about Willow?" Buffy asks from behind her.

"Nothin', nothin' " Faith says, puzzled.

Buffy grits her teeth. _So don't need this now. Don't need Faith getting wigged now!_

" Faith, don't speak. I can 'hear' you if you just think your reply. I'm in your head!"

" Oh, swell, I'm going nuts now" Faith thinks to herself, "great timing, Faith!"

" You're not crazy, Faith. I'm here… it's kinda like talking to you, just long distance is all"

" Well, of course you're gonna tell me I'm not crazy. But I'm major wigged here!"

" God, you're stubborn. How'm I gonna convince you it's me?" There's a soft chuckle in Faith's mind.

Faith all of a sudden feels two hands grabbing her breasts, playing with them

"HEY!" Faith shouts, surprised. Buffy , startled, turns on her.

"What is your problem?" Buffy hisses, " Are you outta your mind?"

" Just chill, B. Just got startled, " Faith says, truthfully enough. " Thought I saw something"

" Where?" Buffy asks.

"Never mind, I … was trippin, I guess", Faith laughs nervously, because the hands are still playing with her,.

Buffy makes a disgusted noise, rolls her eyes and shakes her head. Knew this was a mistake, bringing her in! Angry, she walks out in front of Faith.

"What's your deal, Red? Are you trippin, or something? Stop playing with my tits!"

"Kinda likin' it, Faith" The voice in her head giggles.' But at least now you're believing it's me!" The hands, or the feeling, fade.

" What the hell are you doing, anyway? Aren't you supposed to be doin' some oogly-boogly spell or somethin'?"

" I'm gonna, don't get your panties in twist, Faith," Willow says." Just… didn't have time to talk to you earlier."

"What's to talk about, Red?" Faith says, nonchalantly. " Just sex, ya know? Two people giving each other some comfort. No big."

" Yeah, I know that, Faith. Nothing's gonna come of it. Adult here," Willow lies." Just wanted to let you know it was… special… and that…forget it, just be careful, ok?"

" Yeah, sure Red. Don't worry, not gonna get my ass whacked " Faith lies back. ( Not so sure about that one! )

" Please, no joking, ok? I… really like you, Faith. And I don't want to see you getting all killed. Just be careful, ok?"

"Gonna be fine, Red. 5x5. Don't get panicky, 'k? You should be more worried about your lil girlfriend, ya know?"

" Kenny's going to be fine… once this spell works. IF it works… shit!"

"What? What's wrong, Red?"

"What if I mess this up, Faith? What if … I go all dark and veiny? I could get you all killed. Damn!"

"Red, it's gonna be ok. Look…that's not gonna happen. You're not gonna get all dark. You're not going there. Trust me!"

" I'm so afraid to use magic. I… could just lose it!"

" Ya won't, Red. That's not you anymore. I mean, the dark is still there, but you've changed. We've changed. We can control it, I know that. You're gonna do this. I know that. I believe in you, Red. If anyone can do this, you can!"

There's a brief silence in her head.

"Thank you" Willow's voice is soft.

As suddenly as she was 'invaded', Faith can sense that Willow's withdrawn. She shudders, and continues walking. Spooky!

Not needing spooky right now!

She hurries to catch up with Buffy.

* * *

Faith feels her stomach churning. Down below look to be hundreds… maybe thousands… of the Turok-han. How the hell are we gonna fight that? Still, nothing on the spell front yet. Fortunately they hadn't been spotted…

They'd entered peacefully enough. There had been no resistance to them above; the high school had been strangely deserted. That alone kind of made Faith a little nervous. If this place is so important, where's the baddies to guard it? But there was nothing . They made it to the seal, and started climbing down. Faith and Buffy went first, scouting a little. They found themselves in a huge cavern, on a high plateau overlooking a deeper cavern below. Not liking this. Too easy. Like they want us here. Faith could feel her 'slayer sense' tingling like mad. The baddies are close, real close, Faith thought, I hate surprise parties!

Buffy, Faith and the potentials approach the edge , looking over. Down below a group of Turok-han are milling about, seeming just waiting for nightfall to attack. Faith and Buffy look at each other, the same 'oh my god' expression on their faces.

They hear a noise behind them, and whirl, only to see Spike standing behind them, the Amulet around his neck.

" Doesn't look too good, pet, " Spike addresses Buffy. " The hordes are all massed up, and not even getting a spark out of this bauble you gave me".

" Just be ready to fight…" Faith says, and then hears a roar from behind and beneath them. She turns, and her face blanches. The Turok-han spotted them, and are charging. Ohhh, crap!

Faith brings around her axe, getting ready to face the horde. Buffy springs up close to her, sword drawn. Spike makes ready to fight, setting himself. They have a sense of fatalism, knowing they could very well die today. But sure as hell , they're taking a lot of the baddies with them.

Just as the Turok-han charge up the path, getting ready to attack, something happens. Later, Faith has a hard time describing it. But it's as if the air became charged with energy. She can feel it, but it doesn't affect her. She can sense the changes in the others , however. The potentials seem to almost glow, and they when they get set for the fight, they have a new sense of power, a new confidence. She remembers how it feels… it was like when she got her call. Well, fuck me dead. It worked. She did it. I can't believe it, but Red pulled it off! You go, girl!

With a much lighter heart than she had just moments ago, Faith tears into the advancing horde. Her axe sings its sweet song of destruction as she tears into the Turok-han. Around her the battle rages, the clanging of steel, the shouts , the roar of battle is like a symphony to her ears. She is in special place, a place only warriors in battle know.

From behind her she hears Kennedy calling out, " Buffy, catch". She turns in time to see the Scythe flying through the air, and Buffy gracefully catching it. She sees Buffy tearing into the enemy with the blade, and it's a terrible beauty to behold. One after another, the Turok-han fall to the power of the slayer bearing the Scythe.

Out of the corner of her eye, she sees a group of bringers and Turok-han surrounding a new slayer, and she charges over to lend assistance. She finds a sword on the ground, and picking it up, she wields it, sword in right hand, and axe in left. She becomes a killing machine, cutting through the crowd like a thresher through wheat. Down they go, turning to dust as her axe and sword beheads the primordial vampires. She is in her own, she's unstoppable, and soon the vampires have fallen or retreated. She finds a tired and bruised Kennedy at the core.

Kennedy is fighting hard, but feared she's experiencing her first and last battle as a slayer. As the group surrounds her, she fights with everything she has, but the group seems to just overwhelm her. Then she sees them begin to fall away, and hears the clash of steel hitting flesh. Slowly the group begins to dissipate, and she fights with renewed energy, knowing that the tide has turned. Finally the last of the Han and the bringers retreat, and she stands facing Faith.

" Hey, Ken-doll, " Faith mocks her, " you just seem to attract trouble, girlfriend"

" I coulda faced them, " Kennedy shoots back, annoyed. Then her tone softens, " but hey, thanks for the assist. Saved my ass, I gotta admit."

" Yeah, well, it wasn't personal, " Faith rejoins, " get your ass in gear, girl. Lots of fighting left."

They turn to attack another group of enemies, and Faith looks over in Buffy's direction, to see how she's doing. She's just in time to see a Bringer stab her in the back.

"BUFFY!" Faith calls out, running over to her assistance. Using axe and blade, she cuts a whole through the crowd, reaching the fallen slayer. She crouches down next to her.

Buffy pushes herself up on her elbows, and hands the Scythe to Faith. " Hold the line," She says weakly, her energy draining.

Faith stands, using the Scythe to fight against the advancing host. She stands by Buffy, not letting the enemy approach her. Fuck you, blondie, if you think I'm gonna let you die that easily.

Time seems to distort, slowing to a crawl. Her body if fighting, but in her head she's trying to somehow call out Willow. Buffy's going to die if she doesn't get help soon, and she figures the witch is her best chance.

"WILLOW --- WILLOW --- DAMMIT, Can you HEAR ME?"

" Faith, what is it?" A very tired sounding Willow responds

"Buffy's down… she's hurt. She's gonna die, Will. A bringer ran her through with a sword!"

" Are you close to her? Can you touch her?"

" I'm fighting like crazy here, Red, Can't stop to touch her"

" With your foot…anything?"

Faith adjusts herself, pushing her foot back against Buffy's hip

"Ok, it's done"

" Ok, this may be a little disorienting"

Faith feels a sudden rush of energy pouring through her body. Still fighting the Turok-han, it takes every bit of her will not to fall over flat. It feels like Niagara Falls is pouring through her body. Getting a brief respite from the Han, she turns and looks at Buffy. She seems to be glowing, the energy flowing through Faith and into her.

"What the fuck?"

"Shhh. Don't fight it, just let it happen"

Buffy lies wounded, and the First, taking her shape, comes over to mock her. She stands by the wounded slayer, her arms crossed.

" Mommy, this mortal wound is soooo itchy!" The First mocks, looking down on the wounded slayer. " Ahhh, don't be that way! You did much better than I would've thought. You came very close to knocking me down. What more did you want?"

Buffy suddenly feels a rush of energy through her. Looking up at the First, she grits her teeth. She pushes herself off the floor, and stands, facing the First. The First looks startled.

" I. Want. You. To. Get. Out. Of. My. Face." Buffy says, her voice low and threatening.

Faith nearly pops when she sees Buffy pushing herself up off the floor. She seems to be having a conversation with nobody. Adjusting quickly to the new situation, she throws the Scythe back to Buffy. Buffy starts in on the Turok-han when suddenly the chamber begins to shake.

" Bloody hell!" Spike says, knocked back against the wall by the amulet, which has started to pour out rays of light.

The rays of light begin to intensify, striking out at the Turok-han and turning them to dust. The cavern rocks again, and cracks start appearing in the floor.

" OUT. EVERYBODY, OUT NOW!" Faith yells, starting to retreat from the Uber vamps. The new slayers, seeing the ceiling and floor beginning to go, start to quickly exit.

The light from the amulet intensifies, and one can see the power is beginning to affect Spike. He is pinned to the wall, as the beams pour out from the amulet, and shoots like lasers, dusting more and more of the Han.

" HURRY! GO! GO! GO!, " Faith shouts, directing the straggler slayers, some carrying the wounded, up and out of the chamber. She looks back, and sees Buffy with Spike. The chamber trembles, and more of the ceiling is threatening to fall. The last of the slayers get out, and Faith calls out to Buffy.

" B. This is gonna come down. We gotta go, now!" Faith calls out.

" Go ahead Faith, I'll be right behind you, " Buffy says, not moving. She clasps hands with Spike.

Damn! Faith thinks, hoisting herself through the seal. She's gonna get herself killed. I'll never get her attraction to Vamps as long as I live… which might not be much longer if I don't get my ass outta here. She runs up the basement steps, looking back one final time to see if Buffy made it out. Buffy's still not out. Shit! God, I hope you make it out, B! The tremors become more violent, and the support beams begin to crack.

Knowing she can't wait any longer, Faith runs out the basement exit.

* * *

Faith runs out of the entrance of the high school. She sees the rest of the group around a school bus, and heads towards it. The ground shudders violently, and she's nearly knocked off her feet. She finally reaches the bus as the last of the wounded are being loaded onboard.

"Where's Buffy?" Dawn asks, looking behind Faith, searching for a sign of her sister.

" She was supposed to be right behind me, Dawn, " Faith says, " I waited as long as I could, but she didn't come!"

The ground tremors start again, and the school is swaying precariously on its foundations.

" You left her behind?" Dawn yells at Faith.

" It wasn't a matter of 'left behind', kiddo," Faith says, defensively, " only way I could make her come with was to knock her out. Believe me, I thought of it, but there just wasn't …." Faith is cut off as the ground shakes again.

Large cracks begin to appear in the pavement, and some smaller trees begin to fall over.

" We can't wait any longer, " Giles says, at the wheel of the bus. His expression is pained. "We've got to leave now, or…." The ground shakes again, rocking the bus.

"Let's go, Dawn," Faith says quietly

" No…she'll be here. We can't just leave her!" Dawn says, not moving.

" We gotta go, Dawn. Now!" Faith says, moving towards her.

" No….!" Dawn starts to move away, but Faith catches her up, throwing her over her shoulder. She boards the bus, Dawn struggling to get free. " Let me down, Faith. LET ME DOWN!" She screams.

The bus door close, and Giles starts it up, pulling away from the school. The earth rocks violently again, and the cracks in the road widen. Faith, once the bus is moving, sets Dawn back on her feet.

Dawn slaps her, hard. " You killed her. You happy now? YOU KILLED HER!" Dawn starts to cry.

Faith gathers the sobbing girl in her arms. " I'm sorry, Dawn. But we have no choice. If we wait any longer, we're all gonna be dead" Faith says, gently. Dawn recovers a little, and pushes Faith away.

" Lemme alone, " Dawn sniffs, and turns toward the rear of the bus, " I hate you, just go away!" She moves to the back seat, looking out the back window.

Sighing heavily, Faith turns towards the front of the bus, looking for someplace to sit. She sees an empty seat and plops down on it, not bothering to check who she's sitting next to.

A hand covers hers, and she looks up into the muted green eyes of Willow. Willow smiles at her.

"Hey"

"Hey, " Faith replies, gloomily. She looks over her shoulder, and sees the school has collapsed on itself…along with the street behind them.

The bus picks up speed, trying to keep ahead of the collapsing town. It's as if Sunnydale is being sucked into a giant hole.

" You did your best, Faith" Willow says, trying to comfort the depressed slayer.

" Yeah, sure. I shoulda knocked Blondie out, and carried her outta there. Damn her, what was she thinking?" Faith says, angrily, " was she trying to die?"

" No, I think it was just…." Willow says, but is interrupted by excited shouting from the back of the bus.

" There she is! THERE SHE IS!" Dawn is crying out, jumping up and down on her seat. She's pointing at the buildings facing parallel to the road.

Faith and Willow look out the window, and on the rooftops a small blonde woman, running like hell, is jumping from roof to roof, following the bus.

" Well, fuck me dead! Blondie made it!" Faith exclaims out loud, a little awe in her voice. Willow looks at her oddly. "Oh crap, did I say that out loud?" Faith covers her embarrassment with a smirk.

" Yes, but considering, won't count it" Willow says, smiling enigmatically.

" Giles, slow down… slow down, let her catch up!" Dawn cries out, watching as her sister puts on more speed to catch up . Giles complies, gambling they can still make it out. There is a loud "THUNK" on the top of the bus. Giles puts on the gas; the collapse of Sunnydale is catching up with them, quickly

It's a wild ride out of town, racing the destruction, the road literally collapsing behind them. Everybody is holding on for dear life, especially Buffy who's getting the aerial view of the destruction behind them. On and on they race, Giles uncharacteristically cursing under his breath, saying " Damned pillock this" and " Bloody ass that". More than once it's as if they're going to be sucked into the massive crater being formed by the collapse of the Hellmouth. But somehow Giles keeps it together( for the first and only time in his life thanking god for the insanity known as his " Ripper" years, where he learned to drive like a madman). They finally reach the outer limits of Sunnydale, passing the " Leaving Sunnydale, come back soon!" sign. Not bloody likely that, Giles thinks as he races by Giles goes on for a quarter mile until he realizes that the destruction stops dead at the city limits. He stops the bus, opening the door and hopping out. He checks the roof, to see if Buffy is still hanging on. She's making her way down, and he gives her a hand reaching terra firma.

She starts to walk back towards the sinkhole that only an hour previously had been Sunnydale, CA.

" Where are you going, Buffy?" Giles calls out. She doesn't answer, but just keeps walking. Almost feeling compelled, he starts to follow her.

Soon a group of them join her at the edge of the crater. They look down at the place that most of them called home for a good part of their lives. Each is lost in their own thoughts.

Faith hangs back. She has no ties to Sunnydale; no good memories of the place. Though she fought side by side with this group of people, she still feels somewhat the outsider. Guessin' I always will. But aint that what you always wanted, anyway?

Faith feels a hand on her arm, and she turns around. To her surprise, Kennedy is standing there, looking uncomfortable.

" Yeah, so what's the what, Kenny?" Faith says, a little annoyed. Damn, so not in the mood for her crap, right now.

" Look, uhhh, Faith, " Kennedy says, looking at the ground rather than into Faith's eyes, " I know we've had our problems you and I. I been thinking about it, and I'm getting it that a lot of it was my fault, " Kennedy looks up at Faith, " thing is, I … I was jealous of you… you and Willow seemed to … well, you two just seemed so comfortable together, I was thinking something was going on with you," Kennedy shifts her weight from foot to foot, " I was stupidly jealous, ok? I know I don't have the right, but I'm kinda apologizing here, and hopin' maybe you can … like forgive me for being a moron?".

Faith looks at Kennedy, and can't help feeling a little guilt. The girl obviously doesn't know what happened last night. But feeling and showing are two different things, and she puts her hand on Kennedy's shoulder.

" Look, I'm gonna say we both made some mistakes here, 'k?" Faith says, " thing is, I think were not ever gonna be pals, ya know? But after today, can't see why we can't just wash the slate clean, and start over," Faith looks intently at Kennedy, " Now listen up, Ken-doll, not gonna repeat this again except with my fist following. As far as I'm concerned, there's nothin going on between me and Red, and there aint gonna be. So, you start that jealousy crap again, and all bets are off. Deal?"

" Deal, " Kennedy grins, " Thanks."

" Yeah, well, lets just skip the mush, 'k?" Faith says, turning away. Well, aint you the lyin' slut, Faith?

The two women walk towards the group still hanging out by the edge of the chasm. As they approach, Faith notices that Buffy has a strange little smile on her face. She calls out to Buffy.

" Hey, B, looks like the Hellmouth is officially closed for business" Faith calls out.

" Well, there is another one in Cleveland, " Giles pipes up." Not wanting to spoil the moment, you understand"

" Not really caring about that right now, G, " Faith says, " Really , feeling like sleeping for a week or so."

" There's still a lot of work we have to do" Giles says. A chorus of groans goes up.

" Can I just push him in now?" Faith asks.

" You got my vote, " Willow replies, smiling.

" So, B, you're not the ' one and only' slayer no more. How's it feel?" Faith asks.

" Yeah, Buffy, you don't have to be the "slayer" all the time. Whatcha gonna do now?" Willow asks.

Buffy stands at the edge of the pit, arms crossed over her chest. She smiles but doesn't answer.

Faith fades back a bit, wanting to be alone. Willow's question plays over and over in her mind.

So, yeah, what'm I gonna do now?

To be continued


	7. Part 7

Independence By Norwalker

Part 7 of

Summary: What did Willow and Faith discuss in that little car trip from L.A. to Sunnydale in season 7? And what were the consequences? A Willow/ Faith story

Rating: R, Very R

Category: romance/drama/angst

Spoilers: Possible season 7 spoilers. Possible season 4 Angel spoilers. C'mon, you must have seen 'em by now!

Time Line: Mid season 7(after the return of Faith) and beyond

Disclaimer: Joss Whedon , Mutant Enemy and Fox own them.

**_Warnings_**: Adult themes, violence, sexual situations between

members of the same gender. **_Please be aware, character death is always a distinct possibility. It can happen here, so don't say I didn't warn you!!!_** Any racist remarks are spoken by the characters, and are in no way shared by the author. This story is not meant for children.  
  


* * *

Los Angeles, CA.

Two weeks past the fall of Sunnydale

" Ok, Red, is this some kinda joke?" Faith looks at the building in front of her, a definite look of displeasure crossing her face.

"N-No, I swear, Faith, this is the address, " Willow looks at the paper again in disbelief… and looking at the building in front of her, her disbelief turns to pure astonishment. _This can't be right. He must've given me the wrong address._ She hands the paper to Faith. " Here, see?"

Faith looks at the paper Willow handed her, then scans the address on the building itself. _Well, shit, it's the right address… but this just aint happenin. Someone's tryin' to pull some crap on us, I know it!_

" This is bogus, Red, I'm tellin' ya. Somebody's pullin a fast one on ya… cause there aint no way in hell Angel's in there!" Faith looks again at the building, and old, bad memories come back to her.

A rather imposing street level sign announces the name of the building:

**Wolfram & Hart, LLC**

Attorneys at Law

Willow has a worried look. She knows about Wolfram and Hart. They've been enemies of Angel… well, since he moved to L.A. Anyway, as long as he's done enough to their schemes to attract attention. They've tried many times to shut down Angel… the latest possibly the very thing that cost Angel his soul. Somehow, she knows that Wolfram and Hart had something to do with that whole business.

She looks at the note again, and she's sure it's Angel's handwriting. _But this just doesn't make sense._

_Willow, _

_I have some matters I need to discuss with you and Faith. Please bring her along and come at your earliest convenience._

_Thanks, _

_Angel_

_A little terse, maybe, but still, I know that writing anywhere. So, why did he have us come here? _Willow just can't figure it out. As she stands there, puzzling over the note, Faith starts walking towards the building.

" Hey, Red, you comin' , or what?" Faith calls over her shoulder.

" Faith! Where are you going?" Willow calls out, running to catch up with Faith. " Didn't you read the rest of the note ?" Willow asks. Faith stops and turns around.

" What ' rest of the note' ?" Faith asks, putting out her hand for it. She scans it over. " Don't get ya, Red."

" What about the part that says, " THIS IS A TRAP!", " Willow says, firmly.

" Hey, look, Red, you and me? Small fry. Not of interest to the big boys here. We'll just go in the lobby, act cool, and scope it out, " Faith says.

" Not liking this, Faith" Willow says, worriedly. Faith makes an impatient noise.

" Fine, you stay out here, stare at the pretty sign, " Faith says, " I'm going in. If I wind up dead, hey, then you were right, 'K?" She starts walking towards the entrance. Willow hesitates, not wanting anything to do with this. But she can't just let Faith go in alone.

" Great, just great. I'm following a psycho girl into a death trap. Yup, I'm the smart one, right?" Willow mutters to herself, hurrying to catch up. _How the heck did I get into this anyway?  
_

* * *

Two weeks prior

On the road .

Giles starts up the bus, and they pull away from Sunnydale… or, where Sunnydale used to be. Everyone is pretty quiet. The girls who aren't wounded, or less wounded, are attending the more seriously wounded ones. Somehow, Faith winds up caring for Robin Woods. _Yeah, like I'm really Florence Nightingale material here. Like, what the fuck I'm gonna do if he starts like dying on me? _Faith shakes her head, but does her best to keep him comfortable. _Just hopin' someone thought to like get to a hospital, or somethin… _

Faith scans the bus, and notices the Scoobies are pretty much sitting together, along with Dawn and Kennedy. She also notes that Willow and Kennedy have their heads close together, engaged in what looks like a serious discussion… or just doing that cutesy thing couples do_. Well, aint that sweet? _Faith thinks, wondering briefly why it bothers her… then shaking it off.

" Hey, not that I'm against road trips or nothin', " Faith pipes up, " but usually like to know where I'm goin. So, does anyone got a clue where we're goin?"

The scoobies look a little perplexed… and somewhat vexed. No one expected Sunnydale to be destroyed; no plans were made as to what to do IF it was destroyed. Now they were at a loss. Where were they going to go now? Finally, Giles speaks up.

"Well, I thought we'd proceed to the first town large enough to have a hospital, and have the wounded attended to" Giles says, vaguely, " We all need to find some acceptable place to rest. I'm sure everyone's fairly exhausted."

" Ok, great plan, G. One tiny flaw, though" Faith says, chidingly.

" Oh, really? That would be…?" Giles replies, a little miffed.

" Listen up, everybody. Everybody with money, raise your hands!" Faith calls out to the people on the bus. Most of the girls just look puzzled. Buffy, Willow, and Xander start searching themselves for money.

" I think I've got something…" Willow says, going through her purse.

" I got ten bucks, " Buffy says, quietly.

" Damn, I think I lost my wallet!" Xander curses, not being able to find anything.

"I know I'm broke," Faith asks, " How 'bout you, G? Anything?"

" Well, I do have a credit card… I think…" Giles say, reaching for his wallet.

" And how long before that's maxed out?" Faith asks, " not seeing you as the platinum card type, sorry".

"What's your point, Faith?" Giles asks. He's beginning to feel mildly irritated by the inquiry.

" My point is, we gotta find a place to go where we know someone who can put us up for awhile… at least until we figure out what to do next" Faith replies.

" Very well, your point is valid" Giles concedes, " Any suggestions?"

" Hey, what am I? Plan girl? Ex-con, remember? Not exactly rolling in it, friends or money, ya know?" Faith says.

" What about Angel?" Willow pipes up, " Maybe he could help us?"

" Hey… yeah, good one. Score one for the Red-head" Faith says. " Now… anybody got a phone?"

Willow digs in her purse, and holds up her cell phone. She grins.

" Well, damn, girl, you're battin' a thousand" Faith grins back, " So, what say you be phone girl and give Angel a call… see if he can help us out?" Willow starts to make the call when Faith interrupts her again, " Hey, Red?"

" Yeah, Faith" Willow asks, looking up from her phone.

" What ELSE you got in that purse, anyway?" Faith asks, more than a little intrigued.

Willow just smiles a little half smile, and makes the phone call.

* * *

Angel is sitting in his office at Wolfram and Hart, staring out the window. He's still getting used to the fact that he _can_ look out on the daylight without becoming a torch. The last time he could do that was nearly a quarter of a millennium ago, and then he cursed the light for waking him from his drunken stupor. In a fit of anger, he'd wished he'd never see the sun again. _Be careful what you wish for…_ He thinks to himself. It's one of the perks of this job that W&H has specially created mystical glass that allows him this little luxury. He's fascinated by the changes, the activity and the sheer volume of people out during the day. He can't seem to get enough of it.

He's still looking out the window when his cell phone vibrates in his jacket pocket. _What the hell? Oh yeah…" _He takes the phone out, opens it and punches a button.

" Hello, this is Angel" Angel says into the phone. Silence. _Huh?_ The phone rings.

He looks at the phone again, his forehead furrowed. He tries another button, but it still rings._ Why the hell is this so hard for me to get? A 7 year old can figure these things out. _He punches another button.

" This is Angel " He says, a little brusquely.

" Angel?" Willow asks, hearing his tone, " Is everything ok?"

" Cell phones, I hate them," Angel says, apologetically, " Willow? Is everything ok?"

" More or less, " Willow says, " I really need to ask you a favor"

" Whatever I can do, name it" Angel says.

Willow briefly tells Angel about the battle with the first, and the consequent destruction of Sunnydale.

"Is everybody alright then?" Angel asks, concerned.

" Well, we lost a few of the girls… and Anya… and Spike…" Willow says.

" Spike? Spike's dead?" Angel asks, not really getting it.

" Yes, he wore that amulet thingie you brought, " Willow says, quietly," towards the end it got all glowy… well, you could say it was the big finale."

" So everybody else is…?" Angel asks, trailing off.

" Yeah, more or less…" Willow replies, then it hits her, " Oh… how is _she_?" Willow smiles a half smile, " She's fine, Angel. Do you want to talk to her?"

" No, no, that's alright," Angel says, a look of relief briefly washing over his face. He changes the subject, " so, Willow, what can I do to help?"

" Well, with the hellmouth kinda collapsing, taking Sunnydale with it, we're … well, we're kinda not having any place to stay… and some of the girls need medical attention, you know… so…."

" Don't worry, Willow, I can make arrangements here, it's covered, " Angel says.

" We're not having a lot of money, Angel… so…ummm…" Willow feels kind of bad having to mention this, " So, if you could find a way to keep the costs down…"

" Don't worry about that. It's covered, trust me" Angel says, looking around the office, " You just worry about getting them here. I'll take care of the rest."

" It's only until we can get things settled…" Willow protests.

" Willow? Don't worry about it. Trust me, it's covered, " Angel says, firmly. " What else can I do?"

" Well… now that you mention it, " Willow leans in, covering the phone with her hand, " I'm kinda thinking… Buffy wouldn't mind you being there when we arrive? She's… well, I think she could use a friend… if you catch my drift here…" Willow whispers.

" Don't worry, Willow… I'll be there, " Angel says. As if anything could keep him away.

" Good, " Willow says, quietly.

" Ok, well… I've got your cell number… you're on your cell, right?" Angel asks

" Yes"

" Ok, I'll call you back when I've got the details arranged, " Angel says. A thought strikes him, " Willow?"

"Yes?"

" How's Faith doing? Is she holding up ok?" Angel asks.

_Oh, swell… he had to ask!_ Willow thinks, as about 4 million confusing feelings go through her.

" Willow? Is she ok?" Angel repeats.

" Oh, yeah, she's fine, " Willow says, a shade too quickly, " she's doing great."

" Really?" Angel asks, catching the nuances in her voice, " Is everything ok between you two?"

Willow looks over where Faith is sitting, catching her looking out the window, kind of spacing. _How'm I supposed to answer that one?_

" Yeah, sure, things are great, just great, Angel" Willow says, trying to make it casual but not doing so well.

" Did something happen between you two?" Angel, sensing the subtext, asks.

" Happen…between us? Me and Faith? That's… that's silly, Angel. Nothing happened between me and Faith" Willow says, her voice getting that nervous pitch peculiar to her when she tries to lie.

" Uh-huh, " Angel replies, not buying that for even a minute. But he decides not to press it, for now, " Look, I'll call you as soon as I get things arranged… say an hour."

" Thanks, Angel, " Willow says, gratefully.

" Don't sweat it. It's done" Angel says," Talk to you in awhile." He hangs up.

Angel looks at his desk phone for a minute, puzzling over the buttons. He finally chooses the intercom.

" Harmony?" Angel says.

" Yes, Boss, " Harmony's perpetually cheery voice comes over the speaker.

" I need you to look up some W&H properties. Need to be able to house oh, say 20 or more people. Also, call Good Samaritan Hospital. Tell them to expect some wounded girls to arrive in a couple of hours."

" Yes, Boss…I'll get right on it, " Harmony chirps.

" Also, once you pick a place, it's going to need to be furnished and cleaned, ready to go… in a couple of hours. That means, put a team on it. Got that?" Angel asks.

" No problem, Angel. It'll get done, " Harmony says, " Anything else?"

" That's it, "Angel says, " No, wait. I'll need one of the special cars brought up in an hour or so. Going to the hospital to meet them."

" On it, Boss, " Harmony replies.

Angel leans back in his chair, hands behind his head. A small smile creeps across his lips.

_Willow and Faith? Hmmmm…._

He turns to look out the window.

* * *

Faith stares out the window, but she's not really seeing the scenery going by. She's seeing the inside of her cell back at prison. She knows that now that this little 'vacation' is over, she has to go back. She knew she was going back ever since she went flying through the glass wall at the visitor's area when she escaped. She was ok with that. She knew she still had to pay for her crimes, and while she wasn't loving having thousands of half psycho roomies, she accepted that this is what she had to do to atone.

Now that the time was drawing near, however, she was full of squirminess. The idea of going back to that hole, with it's rules, it's daily fight for status(just so you're left alone), it's …pallor… was making her stomach churn, and her nerves fray. Not because she wanted to weasel out. That wasn't Faith's way. Not now, anyway._ I did the shit, now I gotta do the time. Not wanting any favors here._ But the last couple of months had shown her something different… something she hadn't had before. Being part of something. Something bigger than herself. It showed her a life she really, secretly desired. Something everybody desires… having friends, family… a place you belong. Not that she'd ever admit it. _You mean me? Family, friends, all that crap? Gimme a break. That's for suckers, ya know?_ But even the toughest heart responds to the smallest kindnesses. Faith is no different. This isn't saying she's gotten soft, or trusting. Just that she, like everybody else, wants a place that when you're there, their eyes welcome you.

Faith feels, somewhere deep inside, that maybe she's found something like that now. She won't let herself believe it, because she's been hurt too many times, by the very people who were supposed to ' care about her'. _What the hell am I thinking? It's bogus. Nobody in this life cares about anyone but No.1. It's over, the baddies are dead, now everybody can go back to being who they were. Stick to your rules, Faith. They've never let you down. Get in, get some, get gone. Me, I'm gonna do whatever I gotta do to get done with the prison thing, then I'm gonna find me my own place. My place to be. Fuck this crap. I know who I can count on, and it's me! I don't need nothin' else, or nobody else. Never have, never will._ Hard as she tries, however, as much as she lays on the tough cynicism, it's just not the same for her. It can't be, she's changed. She's not the same as when she was a teen… she's seen too much, felt too much, and experienced too much. She won't admit it, even to herself, but she's grown up, and she wants more..

_Well, fuck me. Doesn't really matter what I want, now does it? _Faith glances over to where Willow is sitting next to Kennedy, holding her hand, leaning in on some secret conversation their having. _She's got what she wants… who she wants, and well… that's that. Anyway, why would I want that crap? I mean, shit. I'm meant to be free. No fucking ties for me, nothing to hold this girl down. When I get outta that fucking place, I know what I'm gonna do. Get me enough money to get me a major league bike, then ride this country, see what the what is. Til I find a place I wanna be. It's gonna be sweet. Anybody fucks with me… well, they'll soon learn fucking with me costs a whole lot. Yeah. I like it. Nothin' to hold me back, hold me down. Free. _

Faith settles back, and closes her eyes , a small smile on her face. She's thinking about how good life's going to be for her, and for a little while, it pushes away the small pain she feels about what she thinks she's losing. For a little while, she can be somewhere else, somewhere nice.

Anywhere but here.

* * *

Kennedy gets up to cruise to the back of the bus, to check up on the wounded, and talk with some of her friends. Willow is left sitting alone. She glances over at Faith, and notes she's dozed off. Watching the sleeping slayer, she smiles. _Goddess, looking at her sleep, who'd guess she's so tough, so darned cynical? Maybe only when she's asleep that she can show that other side of her… the side that's soft, and vulnerable, and wants to be loved?_ Willow's brow furrows. _Where'd that come from? Faith pretty much made it clear, always had, how she feels about that stuff. Like, it's ' bogus, stupid and for suckers'. Why'm I feeling like.. Ah, it's stupid. She's not wanting that kinda stuff. Maybe I'm wanting it … hoping it's the same with her. I shouldn't even be thinking this way. I know… I KNOW… that night meant nothing to her. Hell, she's probably even forgotten about it. I don't even know why I did it. Liar. You know why… you needed her, badly. You still need her. But that's … it's… forget it… nothing there, nothing going to be there. She told you that. Just forget it, Will. You got Kenny… not fair to her to be mooning over someone else…_

Much as she wants to, however, she just can't leave Faith alone. She gets up, and sits next to her. Faith stirs, as if she senses Willow's presence. She half opens an eye, and a smirk travels across her lips.

" Hey, what's up, Red?" Faith asks, her voice hoarse from sleep, " get bored with the baby slayer already?" Faith asks, tone cynical.

"No, " Willow replies, slightly annoyed. _Why do you always got to be so damned harsh? _"Just came over to see how you're holdin' up".

"Well, you know me, Red," Faith says, " Like a cat. Always land on my feet."

"Ok, Faith, " Willow shrugs, " just… well, you looked a little distracted, earlier."

" Gee, with you huddlin' and cuddlin' with Ken-doll, didn't figure you'd notice anything else, " Faith smirks.

" What're you talkin' about?" Willow asks, really getting a burr under her butt." We were just talkin is all". She looks at Faith like she's nuts.

" Ah, c'mon, Red, looked pretty cutesy and all gooey from here" Faith says, ribbing her, " getting to look a bit hot and heavy, you know?"

" Nothing was…." Willow stops, giving Faith a hard look, " why am I even explaining myself to you? Like it's any of your biz, anyway?" Willow feels a flush creeping up her neck.

" Dunno, Red" Faith replies, teasing her, " but your really cute when you're all upset".

" I'm not upset!" Willow hisses at her.

"Really?" Faith says, all innocent.

Willow looks at her, seething. She doesn't know if she wants to slap her, or what. And it's the ' or what ' that kind of wigs her out. She knows Faith is teasing her, trying to get to her. _ Dammit, she's succeeding, too. _

" You know what, Faith?" Willow says, squashing her anger, her tone turning a little frosty, " I don't even know why I bother. I just came over to see how you were, talk a little, maybe. My mistake," Willow says, getting up, " I don't need this crap from you." She starts to walk back to her seat.

" Hey, Red, c'mon, I was only teasing, geeze, " Faith calls out. _Good one, Faith, piss off the only friend you probably got here._ " Hey, it was only a joke!"

Willow turns around, her face angry, " Screw you, Faith. Not everybody's out to give you grief, Faith, or hurt you. Do me a favor, grow up." Willow turns and walks away.

Faith watches her walk to her seat, and then turns away.

_Good one, Faith. Real good. Yup, you're somethin', alright._

_Ya really know how to charm 'em, don't ya? But geeze, talk about growin' up? Geeze, Red, get a sense of humor, ok? Don't take everything so life and death like. Whatta tight ass._

_Bitch!  
_

* * *

There is about zero privacy on a school bus. The only reason Kennedy didn't hear what was going on up front was that she was chatting with her friends in back. But that doesn't mean the little tiff went completely unnoticed.

Xander leans over to Buffy and whispers, " Hey, Buff… what's going on with those two, anyway?"

Buffy shrugs, looking at the two, " I dunno… but they've been acting kinda weird last couple of days," Buffy replies. _Kinda like ever since I sorta heard Faith doin' it with one of the girls… you don't…naw, that's just insane…_

" You don't think… I mean, Will and … " Xander asks, and answers, " No… no way. I mean, that's just… crazy. Can't happen."

They look at each other, and shudder. Buffy, with a half smile, speaks up.

" Yeah, can think of weirder stuff… like, you and insect woman" Buffy says, arching her brow, " or you and… Cordelia…or…"

" Ok, stop, I get it. I get it. I'm attracted to demon women, " Xander says. He gets quiet.

Buffy realizes that he's thinking of Anya. She puts her hand on his and squeezes. He looks at her, a sad and grim look on his face.

" Sorry, bringing up bad stuff," She says quietly.

" It's ok, " Xander says, trying to put on his trademark grin, and not quite making it, " I just gotta get used to it. She's… gone" Xander's grin slips. He shuts his eye tightly, trying not to cry." Hey, Buff, does it always feel like someone drove a sword through your heart?"

" Yeah, until somebody comes along and rubs salt into it… then it really hurts, " Buffy says, knowing exactly what he means.

" I can't believe she died and that…" Xander turns and glares at Andrew, who shrinks down "… guy lived. Where the hell was that ' me first ' attitude she so perfected? Where was that marvelous self-preserving 'run away from it' instinct of hers? Why the hell did she have to pick NOW to be brave?"

Buffy hears the catch in his voice, and sees the tears rolling down his face. She puts his head on her shoulder, and strokes his hair, trying to comfort him.

" Just let it out, Xander, it's ok" Buffy says, soothingly, " It's gonna be ok, it'll be ok. It's gonna get better, I promise."

"When?" He chokes out.

Buffy doesn't answer, she just strokes his head, letting him express his grief.

She really can't answer. She doesn't know.

She's still waiting to find out.

* * *

Good to his word, Angel is waiting for them when the school bus pulls up in front of the emergency room entrance to Good Samaritan hospital. The sun hasn't quite set in the sky, so he hangs back inside, waiting for them to come in.

Buffy is first off the bus, followed quickly by Faith, Willow and Xander. Followed by Giles, they head towards the back of the bus, and open the rear door. Slowly, carefully, they start helping the wounded exit the bus. Orderlies with rolling stretchers meet them, taking the more seriously wounded girls into the hospital. The other wounded girls walk in on their own.

Buffy leads the procession, talking with and trying to cheer up the wounded. Faith and Red follow, but seem to keep scrupulously apart. Xander follows after them. Giles tells the other girls to remain on the bus, they will be heading for lodging as soon as the wounded girls are taken care of. He then follows the others inside, turning towards the admissions desk at the door.

From his vantage point, Angel observes all of them. Of course, his focus is on Buffy. He can't help but notice the changes in her. Her sense of poise, her sense of self confidence and leadership. There is no question she's in charge. _She may be cookie dough still, when it comes to love, but as a slayer, she's definitely complete._ Yet, for all her new confidence, he senses that old uncertainty still lurking not too far from the surface. It's not in her words, or her face, but her body language doesn't match up with her actions. She knows what she has to do, and is doing it… but he can sense that when she gets alone, she has a hard crash coming.

He also notices Willow and Faith. They're assisting Buffy, trying to keep the girls' spirits up while waiting for medical attention. He also notes a definite strain between them. As if they can't wait to get away from each other. They hardly speak to each other, and when they do it's chillingly polite. _Hmmm… not what I was expecting at all. I thought when talking to Willow that… well, got that wrong, I guess._

He looks up to see Buffy staring at him . Briefly, their eyes lock. Then without words, they move together, and she's in his arms again. For a brief moment, the years and the pain seem to melt away, and they just hold each other. They look at each other, and again, without words, they share a brief, affectionate kiss. Then she releases him , and steps back a little.

" How're you doing? " Angel asks quietly, noting how tired she looks._ And yet, still so damned beautiful._

" I'm fine," Buffy answers automatically, then grins sheepishly, " ok, I feel like I've just gone through the crush and mangle cycle on the washer, and could sleep for… forever." She sighs, " but that's not likely to happen too soon."

" What?" Angel asks, "What's wrong?"

" Nothing, " Buffy sighs, " Well… nothing really. Just too tired."

" Yeah, Willow told me" Angel says.

" Told you what?" Buffy asks, suspiciously.

" Just that you couldn't… or wouldn't sleep… very often lately," Angel says, a little reprovingly.

" Yeah, well you have a houseful of girls threatened extinction by a big bad. See how you sleep," Buffy says, irritated. _Wish oh wish Will would keep her nose where it belongs!_

" Fair enough, " Angel concedes, " look, Buffy, I don't want to fight. I'm just worried about you, is all."

Buffy looks into his eyes, and sees the truth behind his words. She moves back into his arms.

" I know. Kinda feeling bitchy, sorry, " she says quietly." Mmmmm" she sighs, enjoying however briefly having his arms around her again. She snuggles a little closer. " Think we can do this for , oh say forever?" She says into his chest.

"As long as you want, Buffy, " Angel says quietly, holding her close.

And for a time somewhat shorter than forever, they just stand and hold each other.

* * *

From another part of the room, Willow looks up and sees Angel and Buffy. A little smile plays across her face.

"Well, aint that sweet?" Faith says, mockingly, " Hope you remember that soul restoration spell, Red, just in case".

Willow whirls on Faith, who is standing behind and a little to her left. " What IS your trauma Faith?"

Faith just rolls her eyes and turns away. Willow isn't going to let it go with that, however. She goes over to Faith, and grabbing her arm, starts to drag her away. Faith digs in her heels.

" Hey, Red, take a chill, ok? Not goin' anywhere" Faith says, bringing up Willow short. Then she looks at Willow's eyes, and notes they've gone black. A little chill goes through her heart. Willow tightens her grip.

" Come with me now, Faith, " Willow says harshly, her voice an octave deeper than normal. Faith, normally unflappable, feels the tiniest bit of fear. She allows Willow to drag her to a more private setting.

Willow drops Faith's arm, staring at the dark haired woman. Her face is a mixture of anger and confusion and frustration, because she's just not getting Faith's 'tude. Faith seems to be reverting to form, her old form, and Willow is not liking it one bit. Faith for her part is standing slightly slouched, feeling angry and resentful. She doesn't like any of this, especially Willow acting like her mother, reprimanding her. Her lips are tightly compressed, her nostrils flared, and her eyes wide and more than a little angry looking.

" Alright, Red, you got me here, now what the hell do you want?" Faith asks, resentfully.

" I wanna know where the hell your 'tude is comin from, Faith, " Willow says, " You've been acting all itchy since we left Sunnydale. So what's your deal?"

" Hmmm… seem to remember someone reminding me that they don't have to answer to me… kinda goes both ways, Red, " Faith says, " So, to put it plainly, butt out!"

" IF you wanna treat me like crap, fine, no big, " Willow retorts, " don't care. But you're starting to pick on my friends, so no, not gonna butt out, Faith, " Willow says, " lets put this in terms you might understand. What's your problem, Faith? What's bugging you?"

" Right now? You're my problem " Faith says. She draws herself up, and advances on Willow. " Get outta my face, witch!"

" Think you scare me, Faith?" Willow says, quietly. " Get real." She waves her hand in front of herself and says "thicken"

Faith stops as if hitting a wall. She puts up her hand and feels the energy field in front of her. She smirks.

" Nice trick, Will-OH" Faith says, sarcastically, " What's your follow up? Pull a rabbit out of a hat?"

" Nope, this, " Willow says. She raises her hands, pointing them at Faith. " Away and hold" She intones.

Faith finds herself flying back against a wall, and being held … by nothing… but she can't move. That doesn't stop her from trying, though. She struggles against the invisible bonds.

" Forget it, Faith, " Willow says, walking up to her, "You're not getting out of those 'til I release you. Now, again, What the hell is eating you?"

" Kinky, Red, " Faith sneers," Hey, if you wanted to play, why not just say so?"

" Get over yourself, Faith. I'm not all that attracted to sluts."

" Really Red? Funny, didn't hear you complaining!" Faith mocks her.

Willow feels her temper rising, the anger and frustration building in her. Along with it, the darkness is rising, and that scares her. _No, gotta keep this in control. _She pushes back the anger, and the darkness, and gets right up into Faith's face.

" Why're you doing this? Why're you so damned angry?" Willow asks, "What'd I do to piss you off?"

" Talk about getting over yourself!" Faith says, sarcastically," listen , Red. You think I give a rat's ass what you think about me… any of you?"

"Beginning to think you don't," Willow rejoins.

"Finally reality sets in on that thick skull of yours, " Faith says, " Where'd you get the idea I gave a damn about you? Oh, you mean the fuck? Well, that's all it was, Red. _A fuck_. Nothing more or less. It was nice, but believe me, I've had better. So, don't think it means squat to me!"

Willow, struggling to keep calm, loses it for a second. Faith feels like a thousand needles pricking her at once

" Gaahh… What the hell was that?" Faith growls, angry and sore." So, what's that about, Red? Into torture now?" Faith gives her a disgusted, dismissing look.

"Sorry, sorry, " Willow says, feeling a little remorseful. Then her temper flares up", dammit, Faith. Why are you so treating me like dirt? What the hell did I do to you?"

" Your so all powerful and smart, Red, " Faith mocks, " figure it out."

Willow waves her hand, and says a small spell under her breath. Faith, released from her bonds, falls to the floor. She brushes herself off, and looks at Willow questioningly.

" We're done, " Willow says, her tone disgusted and angry and a little hurt at the same time, " Don't even know why I bother. You wanna be the psycho-slut-angry-bitch, go ahead. I don't give a damn" she starts to leave, then turns back, " just stay the hell away from me and my friends, ok, loser?" She turns and again, starts to leave.

" That's right, walk away. You're real good at that, aren't you?" Faith says, rubbing her wrists. " Things get tough, go running for your beloved Buffy. Go hide with your friends. Oh, that's right… are they your friends? Or maybe getting a taste of the REAL Willow, the dark Willow, has scared them shitless. Face it, girlfriend, when it comes to friends, you're like me now. You're batting what? Zero? Yeah, kinda thinkin' so!"

"What do you know?" Willow says, harshly, " you never had a friend. My friends love me!"

"Yeah, sure they do, WILL-OH, " Faith mocks, " I guess that was another Willow who told me about how her friends watch her, just waiting for her to slip up, go all dark and veiny. Who treated her like she had leprosy or somethin' when she came back from being ' rehabilitated' in England," Faith says, her tone edging on bitter, " Gee, Red, tell me, how'd you do it?"

" Do what?" Willow says, edgy and puzzled.

" How'd ya manage to convince them not to throw your ass in prison?" Faith says, " Did you put on the little Mary Sunshine act, tellin' how _sorry _you were? How you'd never, EVER do that again!" Faith smirks, " did they buy it? Maybe your scoobies hid the evidence, huh? How'd ya do it, Red? How'd you get away with murder?"

" You…. BITCH!" Willow screams, running at Faith, clawing at her. Faith just grabs her arms, and holds her at bay. Willow, enraged, tries to break free. All she wants to do is scratch Faith's eyes out. _The BITCH!I_

" How's it feel, Red? Being called a murderer? " Faith says, bitterly, " Now you're getting a tiny taste how I feel. Think I don't know what you goody-goodies feel about me? Think I'm that stupid? Think I can't see it in their eyes when they look at me… in YOUR eyes, Red? Yet, guess what? I'm paying for my crimes. I'm still payin' for it, gonna have to go back to prison. Think I don't know that? But it really pees me off, " Faith says, " I do bad, I get to rot in jail. You do bad, and everybody's all " Oh, poor Willow. We gotta treat her special". It's a crock, Red, and your full of the brown stuff in the crock!"

Willow stands aghast… and feeling like that crock._ She's right, I should've gone to prison. I deserved it, after what I did. But I didn't… and she did! She chose to go, to fix herself. Goddess, why the hell am I so blind? Why didn't I see what it was!_

"Oh, cut it out, Red. Stop lookin' like that. I was just blowin' off steam, 's'all, " Faith says, her tone quiet, " I wouldn't wish that on anyone… hell, you couldn't survive a day there. They'd eat you for breakfast, and spit you out, " Faith's voice has an edge to it, " I wouldn't wish that rat hole on anyone…" Faith scrunches together, as if trying to protect herself.

" Faith…" Willow says, her tone softened, her anger vanished like smoke. Now that she knows what's upsetting Faith, she's not mad… only sad for her.

" Don't" Faith says, moving away from her… " Just don't. I know what I gotta do, don't get all weepy and …pity me… I don't like that!" She turns her head away, not wanting to look at Willow.

" Faith, look at me, " Willow says gently, reaching out and touching Faith's shoulder with her fingertips. " Please, look at me."

" Don't wanna, " Faith says, almost childishly, " Don't … just go away, let me alone. GO. GET OUTTA HERE, LEAVE ME ALONE!" She shrugs Willow's touch off, and moves further away.

Willow won't let her alone, however. Faith's need is rolling off her in waves, and Willow won't let her be alone. She won't, she just won't.

" Faith, " Willow says, moving to her, but not confronting her. She lays both her hands on Faith's shoulders.

" Are you still here?" Faith says, callously. " Are you that incredibly stupid, Red? Do I gotta draw you a picture? You and your whole little 'gang' make me wanna barf. Go away, ok? Just go, so I don't have to look at your ugly face again!"

Willow just lets it slide off. She knows Faith is just lashing out, trying to hurt like she hurts. Willow just gets closer, sliding her arms around Faith, pressing into her back. She lays her head on Faith's shoulder.

" Faith, honey, just look at me, ok?" Willow almost whispers it in her ear.

"Why won't you let me alone?" Faith cries, sounding anguished, " you gotta girlfriend, go torture her!"

Faith struggles, as if to escape her, throw her off. But it's a weak, lame attempt. Maybe because she really doesn't want Willow to go, to let her go. Maybe she needs to be held. Whatever it's, she doesn't break free of Willow's embrace.

"God, I don't wanna go back," Faith says, finally breaking down, " I hate it there, " Her voice sounds hollow, as if her heart has grown cold, " It's… like being in a box, with lots of hole so they can watch you, watch you… always watching you. If it's not the guards, it's the fucking snitches and narks. But for all the watching, it's… so alone, you feel so alone, " Faith says, her voice trembling, " No one is close. You don't get close, not if you wanna make it. Shit, I've been attacked so many times, they threw me in the fucking hole to protect me. Yeah, like I needed that. I can handle myself… but that hole… it's fucking…torture, even worse than just being there. I hate it so much, I don't wanna go back.. but I gotta, I know I gotta…" Faith ends, her voice in despair.

Willow doesn't say a word. She just hugs Faith, holding her close.

" It's fucking worse now, " Faith says, bitterly, " now that I've got a taste of freedom, it's a hundred times worse, thinkin' of going back to that crap hole," Faith pauses. Then she breaks away from Willow, and walks to the other side of the room, trying to keep a distance. "You're not making it any better, Red, so back off!"

Willow's brow furrows, wondering what she did wrong. She stands there, not following Faith… either physically or in the conversation.

" Stop that. STOP THAT!" Faith, looking at her, yells," you stop looking all hurt and confused. God, do you like making me feel like shit? Does it make you happy?"

Willow stands mute.

" Oh, god why do you do that? Why? Do you think … I like this? Do you think I like what I'm feeling, what you're making me feel?" Faith shouts at her, " I'm gonna be stuck in that prison, and I got all this crap going on inside, and I'm hating it because I don't want to feel it, don't need to feel it and you're gonna be with your girlfriend having a good time and I'm gonna die everyday knowing I can't ever see you again because you'll be gone and I hate you , hate you, hate you so GET THE HELL AWAY FROM ME!!! " Faith screams out the last, and runs out of the room, leaving Willow standing there, looking shocked and confused.

_What the hell… ???_

Willow runs out after her, calling her name.

* * *

"Faith… FAITH!!! Wait, come back…" Willow calls out. Not really looking where she's going , she nearly runs over Angel, who's sitting on the floor, looking stunned. Buffy is standing over him.

"Willow!" Angel says, getting up, " What the hell happened between you two?"

"Angel, I don't have time for this!" Willow says, starting to move away. Angel blocks her way. She tries an end run around him, but he blocks her. " Angel, get outta my way, please!"

" I don't think so, Willow, " Angel says, " I want to know what happened. Faith came running out here like a shot. She shoved me out of the way, cursing at me, getting out of here as fast as she could. I haven't seen her like that since the bad old days. " Angel's voice sounds upset, " so I'm wanting to know what the hell happened."

" I can't do this now, Angel, I've got to find her!" Willow says, turning and starting to leave. Angel grabs her by the arm.

" Willow, I think right now best thing is for you to let her alone. She's angry, upset, and might…" That's as far as he gets before Willow turns on him.

Willow's eyes have gone black, and her expression is hard, and angry.

" I said, let GO of me!" Willow, her voice dropping an octave, exclaims. Before he can do anything, Angel feels a force like a giant's fist pushing him away from Willow. She runs out, pushing Buffy back when she tries to stop her.

Angel and Buffy, both on the floor now, look at each other with concern and some fear.

Faith and Willow both seem to have jumped off the wagon.

That doesn't bode well.

* * *

Willow runs into the street, but Faith is nowhere to be found. _Well, of course not. What did you think, she'd be sitting here waiting for you? Now what?_

Willow stands, indecisive. She hesitates to use magic, hating that the darkness still shoves it's way out when she gets upset or angry. But she'll never find Faith if she just goes looking for her. And she's gotta find Faith. Before she does something stupid. Or hurts someone. Or herself.

She closes her eyes, and gathers her concentration. Carefully, she intones the spell.

_Goddess Aradia, I call on thee,_

_Goddess Aradia, hear my plea._

_Lead me now by light I'll see_

_To her that seeks to flee from me_

There's a shimmering in the air near her, and then a ball of light grows out of dark. It begins to move off in a direction, and Willow follows it, knowing it will lead her to Faith.

Minutes pass, then half an hour, then an hour, as Willow follows the glowing orb. She begins to wonder at the efficacy of the spell, as the light seems to zig and zag, then doubles back on itself, the goes off in a completely new direction. After ninety minutes, she's totally lost, confused by the seeming randomness of the glowing sphere's movements. One thing she does know, she's not liking where she's at. It's dark, and doesn't look particularly safe… or friendly. But she's committed to finding Faith, so she follows the orb's path.

Finally, after nearly two hours, the orb stops in front of what looks like some kind of bar or club. Even on the sidewalk, she can hear the raucous beat of the music from the club. Willow feels queasy. _Where the heck am I, is Faith really in there… do I really want to go in and find out?_ Steeling herself, knowing this is really a bad idea, she opens the door and walks inside.

Even though it's better on the inside than out, Willow is still feeling totally out of place here. The club is medium size, with a bar along the sidewall, and the rest of the place devoted to tables, a smallish dance floor, and a micro sized stage that barely fits the band and it's equipment. The customers seem to have walked out of a bad biker movie, all leather and jeans and not looking like they wash to frequently. Although Willow has long abandoned the ' Hello, kitty' cutesy clothing of her college years, she still feels as if she's not exactly going to be blend-o girl here. She's wondering if maybe she shouldn't leave, now, before someone really sees her… when she sees her.

Faith is dancing in the middle of the dance floor. Per her custom, she's surrounded by both men and women, and it's pretty obvious she's not exactly a nun. She's dancing with a rather tall, beefy looking guy, who has his arms around her waist. She's facing out, away from him, but her body is pressed up close and wriggling more than suggestively against his. Much closer, with any more wriggling, and it probably wouldn't be dancing.

Willow, from the sidelines, watches Faith's actions in shock and fascination. Perhaps more shocking, however, are the strong feelings of anger, betrayal and jealousy that're coursing through her. She can't believe how intense those feelings are. _Dammit. Not fair. Shouldn't feel this way… the fucking slut bitch! Look at her get all cozy with some goddamn stranger! Why the hell am I even here? Pretty damned obvious she doesn't care … then why'd she say those things? If she meant it, why is she here, nearly screwing the guy on the dance floor. WILLOW!!! GOD, what're you saying? It's not like… but she… Why? … dammit. Why'm I even feeling this crap? Gotta go, gotta get outta here._

Willow turns to leave, feeling like her stomach's been kicked. But she stops when she hears Faith.

" Uh, oh… Nana Buzzkill's here!" Faith says, in a loud, deprecating tone.

" Yeah, sorry. Shouldn't have come. Big mistake" Willow mumbles, turning away

"Ahhh, What's wrong, Red?" Faith says, in mock sympathy, " ' Fraid you'll actually have some fun?"

"Screw you, Faith" Willow calls back over her shoulder as she's leaving.

" Oh, dear. Is Will-OH all upset and cranky now?" Faith says, sardonically. " Gonna go cry now, Will-OH?"

Willow feels a flush rising in her neck. She wants to hurt something…

" Cry? Over you, slut-girl? Hardly, " Willow says, nastily. Then she adds the knife, " You're _beneath_ me"

Faith feels her jaw tighten, but she holds her temper," Hmmm, " she purrs, wriggling her ass into her partner on the dance floor, " Didn't seem to mind to much when you tried to fuck my brains out."

" Yeah, but that was just a _fuck _, Faith, " Willow sneers, throwing her own words back at her," didn't mean anything."

" Oh, really?" Faith says with a smirk," then why're you here?"

Willow reaches into her purse, and throws some coins on the floor, " Forgot to pay you " Willow sneers, turning to leave.

Everything seems to stop. Faith looks at the coins tossed on the floor, and hears the laughter of the crowd. She feels a hot, deep flush rising to her face. She watches Willow's retreating back.

" YOU…. FUCKING… CUNT!!!!" She screams , lunging at Willow. She tackles her, knocking her to the floor.

The crowd forms a ring around them, and starts to chant " Fight, Fight, Fight!"

Faith turns Willow over, kneeling on her chest. She cocks her arm back as if to punch Willow.

" What's wrong, Faith?" Willow snickers, " Not enough?" She spits on Faith, " Sorry, forgot the tip."

Faith barely keeps her temper in control. She wants to pound Willow's face into the floor. Instead, she just slaps her. Hard.

Willow feels like her jaw's been rearranged, but she doesn't back off. " C'mon, Faith, you wanna hurt me, you know you do."

" You're not worth it, Red," She growls, standing up. She brushes herself off, trying to get control of herself.

"What's the matter, Faith?" Willow says, pushing herself off the floor, " 'fraid to go back to prison?"

In a flash, Faith is on Willow. She's pulled a knife from her pocket, and has the point under her chin. There's a collective gasp from the crowd, and people start to back away.

" Who's afraid now, Red?" Faith hisses, seeing Willow's wide eyes and paled face. She wipes the flat of knife over Willow's cheek. " You ready to die?"

" Go ahead, Faith, " Willow says, nervously. _What the hell am I saying?_ " If it'll make it better, do it!"

They stare at each other for what seems like forever, but isn't more for a second or two. The sound of a pump action on a shotgun is heard.

" Drop the knife, " The bartender calls out from the bar, " drop it, or I blow your head off!" He has the shotgun pointed right at Faith.

Faith looks at the bartender, then back at Willow, then at the gun. She lets the knife drop. She shoves Willow into the crowd.

" I hate you… I HATE YOU!" She screams, the makes a dash for the exit, disappearing into the crowd.

Willow is helped to her feet, and the bartender calls out again. " Are you all right, Miss?" He asks.

" I'm fine, " Willow says, noticing he's still pointing the shotgun in her direction.

"Ok, then. I think you better go too. Don't want any trouble, and I don't need this crap," He says, harshly, still aiming the gun in her direction.

Willow, heart pumping, feeling like she's ready to vomit, just nods. She walks towards the exit, feeling the eyes of everyone on her.

* * *

The night air is a shock to Willow. Overheated, over stimulated, angry, scared and frustrated, she stands for a moment, feeling woozy. Her body is aching from her fight with Faith; her jaw feels dislocated, her stomach is threatening to heave. And she doesn't care.

She's miserable and alone. She's never felt more alone in her life. She looks both ways, and no sign of Faith.

Dammit, why'd I do that? I just drove her farther away. What the hell is wrong with me?

She looks around again, trying to remember which way she came. But she can't remember. She's too broke to get a cab… if one would even come. And she's too tired and discouraged to even do a guiding spell. The day and the night catch up with her, and she sits heavily on the curb, starting to cry. All of it's been too much, way too much, and she can't hold it together any longer. She's so buried in her pain and grief, she doesn't even realized she's being watched.

From the alley beside the bar, Faith watches Willow. Her gut churns when she sees Willow sit down and start crying… it feels like a sharp, hot knife to her heart. But her pride, her stubbornness won't let her go to her. She just stands in the alley, watching over Willow.

After awhile, tears drained, but feeling no better, Willow stands up. She looks around, but still doesn't see Faith, who's ducked back into the alley. She sighs. _What now? What'll I do now? If I follow her again, she'll just run away. God, I messed up badly. I shoulda just let her get it outta her system. Well, good thinking NOW, Willow! Too late NOW, Willow… you moron! _She summons up whatever she's got left, and casts a guiding spell. _I better get back, hope maybe she'll show up. Oh, god, if anything happens to her… idiot… Idiot… IDIOT!!!_ She sees the glowing orb, and starts to follow it back to the hospital.

Seeing Willow cast the spell, and start to walk away, Faith comes out of the alley. Following well behind, but close enough to intervene if necessary, she trails after Willow. Quiet as a cat, she keeps watch, making sure nothing happens to Willow. Her anger is self-directed, hating herself on so many levels right now. _What the hell is wrong with me? Why do I get crazy like that with her? Shit, if anything happens to her… God, I'm a fucking moron! Stupid, stupid, stupid! Why does she scare the hell out of me?_

Willow senses she's being followed. She stops suddenly, and turns around, looking everywhere. But she doesn't see anything. _Great, I'm getting paranoid now, too._ She lingers for a minute, hoping somehow Faith will appear, and she can somehow make it up with her. _Well, that's pretty dumb. Isn't gonna happen. _Sighing, she turns and walks on. She sees the hospital ahead, and sighs relief. She's pretty scared being out here all alone. She starts to walk faster. _Maybe she'll come back here. Goddess, please, bring her back safe!_

Following a hundred yards back, Faith sees Willow turn into the hospital. She sighs, feeling like a lead weight has been lifted from her heart. _She's safe, she'll be ok now._ She starts to follow, then stops. She can't go back now. She's too ashamed, too proud to deal with what's going to be coming her way. She just can't deal right now.

Turning, she walks away. Not knowing where she's going.

Not caring.

* * *

To be continued. 


	8. Part 8

Independence By Norwalker

Part 8 of

Summary: What did Willow and Faith discuss in that little car trip from L.A. to Sunnydale in season 7? And what were the consequences? A Willow/ Faith story

Rating: R, Very R

Category: romance/drama/angst

Spoilers: Possible season 7 spoilers. Possible season 4 Angel spoilers. C'mon, you must have seen 'em by now!

Time Line: Mid season 7(after the return of Faith) and beyond

Disclaimer: Joss Whedon , Mutant Enemy and Fox own them. All characters in this story are fictional, and no similarities to anyone, living or dead, is meant or intentional.

Lyrics of " Down on me" from Janis Joplin Album " Big Brother and the Holding Co."

**_Warnings_**: Adult themes, violence, sexual situations between

members of the same gender. **_Please be aware, character death is always a distinct possibility. It can happen here, so don't say I didn't warn you!!!_** Any racist remarks are spoken by the characters, and are in no way shared by the author. This story is not meant for children.  


* * *

Los Angeles, Ca.

The next morning.

Faith is doing her best to get herself lost. She's been wandering all night, from clubs to bars to all night doughnut shops to Laundromats, trying to stay off the streets, hoping to catch a little sleep here and there. All she knows is she can't go back, not now, not until she's figured things out. She needs to get her head cleared, get her cool back. Try to understand why she's losing control. _I don't lose control. This is nuts, pure nuts, _she thinks. She's feeling too ashamed, and has too much pride to ask forgiveness. So she needs time to deal with this on her own, figure what she needs to do. She's not trying to duck out, or run away. She's just trying to get herself back together.

What the hell has that… witch… done to me? This isn't me, I don't get crazy… not over someone. I don't… feel this way. I'm too damned smart for this crap…but here I am, acting like an idiot. I hate this! I hate feeling this way! She's worked some kind of mojo on me, and I'm gonna… what, Faith? What're you gonna do? Strangle her? Kill her? Yeah, right, tell me another fairy tale. You could do that almost as easy as you could kill yourself. So stop the tough talk already. She's got you by the short hairs, girl, and you're whipped. Face it, you're totally whipped… No…no, no! I won't buy that. I won't let some …grrr… I won't let her do this to me. But what ARE you gonna do, Faith? You've got no money, and you can't eat air. You gotta get some money somewhere. Can't go to Angel or Giles… that's totally out. Don't want to steal… don't want to go down that road again. Can't get a job… one check on my background, and I'm looking through bars again. So, what're you gonna do now?

Faith knows what she's has to do. She really doesn't have any choice. But, she's almost thinking stealing might be better. A lot better. but if she starts that, all the time she's spent in prison has been bogus time, a waste. She really doesn't want to go back on another charge, have more years piled up on her. She's run out of options.

Sighing, she stands up and walks to the payphone in the corner. She stands staring at it for the longest time, not wanting to make this call. But she knows she has to. Otherwise, she might as well go back to the scoobies, because she really has no place to go. She picks up the phone, and dials " 0 ".

" Hello, yes. I need to make a collect call to Boston, Massachusetts. The number is 617-555-7893. Yes. My name? Faith DeMarco. I'm calling for Mrs. Margaret Delano, or anyone at that number. Yes, thank you."

Faith listens as the number rings… and rings. _Oh, swell… I pick a time when everybody's out…no…someone'll be there. I know that. C'mon, c'mon, just answer the damned phone. _Faith taps her hand nervously on the phone…waiting … finally there's a click and someone answers the phone.

" Hello, this is the Delano residence. Jeffries speaking"

"Hello, this is the operator. I have a collect call from a Ms. Faith DeMarco for a Mrs. Margaret Delano, or anyone at that residence. Do you accept the charges?"

There is a brief pause on the other end of the line, and for a second Faith thinks that the call will be refused. She starts to sweat just a little.

" Yes… we'll take the call"

Faith breathes a sigh of relief.

"Hello, Jeffries" Faith says. There is a marked change in Faith's speaking voice. Gone is the street slang and sometimes inventive English. The accent is definitely northeastern, Boston area. Her pronunciation is precise and correct.

" Hello, Miss Faith. It's been a very long time."

"Yes, it has… hasn't it? How have you been?" Her tone is polite and a little distant.

"I've been well, Miss Faith. And yourself?"

"I've been fine" Faith has a strange expression on her face, " Is my grandmother available?"

" Yes, she's out on the sun porch, finishing breakfast. Do you wish to speak to her?"

" Please, Jeffries."

" It'll be just a moment while I bring the phone to her."

" Very good, Jeffries"

Faith leans against a wall, clutching the phone tightly in her hand. The Grandmother. Mrs. Margaret Faith Hayworth-Delano. A formidable woman, very definitely one of the Boston Brahmin class. Old school, and strict; the quality of mercy is not wasted on her. No one can doubt Faith's courage in battle. She's faced demons, vampires and other nasties bravely, almost with a song in her heart. But facing Mrs. Margaret Delano reduces her to a six year old child about to face punishment. Her stomach is churning, and her heart is beating nearly out of her chest. It's a frightening experience just to be in her presence; asking a favor is mortifying. But she has no choice, and she hates that she has no choice.

" Good morning, Faith. It's been a very long time" the voice on the phone is slightly cold and polite.

" Yes, it has, Grandmother. I hope you've been well" Faith keeps her voice calm._ Never show fear, never!_

"Indeed? That is most unexpected, I must say, " Mrs. Delano replies," I really believe that isn't how you felt the last time we spoke."

Faith bites her lip. "That was a long time ago, Grandmother."

" Yes, but it was our last conversation. As I recall, you wished I would…how did you put it again? ' Drop dead' ?"

Faith winces.

"That was a long time ago, and I was younger, and rather angry, Grandmother. Can't we put that behind us? I'm really sorry I said that. I didn't mean it". _Not much, anyway._

There is a brief pause on the other end of the line.

" Well, I suppose a belated apology is better than none. Apology accepted, Faith".

" Thank you, Grandmother." _Fuck you, Grandmother. _Faith rolls her eyes.

" You're welcome, Faith. So, how much do you need this time?"

"Grandmother!"

"Faith, please. I've grown older, not foolish. You never call me out of the blue to inquire as to my health. Fact of the matter is, you never call me, unless you need help. Usually money. So lets cut out the nonsense, and get right to it. I'm rather busy this morning. How much do you need?"

Faith looks at the phone receiver in her hand, as if it's a snake.

" That's really very cold, Grandmother."

" Is it Faith? How odd. I have to wonder if it's any colder than you refusing my request to live with me. I've made several attempts to have you live with me, and you've turned me down each and every time. I AM family, Faith. I could provide you with a good home, and a decent education. Instead, you'd rather be a little street urchin, running here and there, getting into this mess and that scrape. So if I'm a little less than patient with you, I believe I have good reason."

Faith balls her fist, holding her patience.

" I suppose you believe you do. But I have to wonder, Grandmother, if it's really me you care about, or if it's that you want to get back at my mother."

"What does your mother have to do with this, Faith?" Margaret's tone grows icier.

"Grandmother, please. I'm young, not foolish" Faith can't help letting an edge in her voice, " You know very well you're still angry at her for going against you all those years ago. Marrying my dad, defying you, all of it. You only want me to live with you so you can turn out a 'perfect society clone' and throw it in her face."

There is a long, long pause on the other end of the line. Faith is sure that any second she'll hear a click, ending the conversation, and any chance she has to … ask for help. _Brilliant, Faith. You're a total moron. Don't you get it? You're not going to win with this woman!_

" If that's how you feel, Faith, perhaps you should go to your mother for help"

" You know that's impossible, Grandmother"

" I do?"

" You know very well, Grandmother, that if I were dying of thirst on her doorstep, and she had a 10 gallon bottle of water, she wouldn't even give me a cup."

Faith hears a low, amused chuckle on the other end of the line.

" So, when you're in trouble, you come to me. You expect me to keep bailing you out of the messes you make. And still you're defiant of me, just like your mother was. How very amusing, Faith".

Faith stares at the phone receiver, now wishing it were a snake, and would bite her now, putting her out of this misery. _Damn, Faith, you fucked it up again._

" This was a mistake, Grandmother. I see that. I'm sorry I disturbed you, " Faith says, ready to cut her losses and run.

"Wait, Faith… wait"

There is a silence on the line. Faith holds the line, wondering why the hell she's waiting.

" Alright, Faith, I'll help you, " Margaret says, " I'm assuming that you need money?"

" Yes"

" How much do you need?"

Faith hesitates. _Might as well go for broke here._

" Two thousand "

Another long silence on the line.

" That's an awful lot of money, Faith"

Time to swallow your pride, Faith.

" I'm sorry, Grandmother. But I'm between jobs, and I've run out of money. I need enough to see me through until I can get a job. I wouldn't ask, you know that. But I've no choice ."

" Very well, Faith. I'll send you the money"

" Thank you, Grandmother"

" But there's a condition"

_Aw, crap, I knew it! " _Condition?"

" I'll send you the money, but you have to promise that you'll come to Boston to see me. That's the condition. I think I've purchased your time by sending you this amount."

" Grandmother, I promise, I'll pay you back the money. With interest. But…"

" No 'buts' Faith, that's the condition. If you want the money, you have to come see me in Boston."

"But, I can't come now. There are things I need to take care of…."

" Yes, yes, yes, " Margaret replies, impatiently, " I realize that. But you have to agree to come within the next six months. I don't think that's too onerous a burden for you."

Crap, crap and damn! Why the hell is she doing this? We get along like rabid dogs. What the hell is she pulling here?… does it really matter, Faith? What choice do you have?

" Ok, Grandmother, I agree" Faith says through gritted teeth.

" Good. Now, where are you?"

"Huh?"

"What city, Faith? So I know where to send the money?"

Faith can hear her exasperation over the line.

" Los Angeles, Grandmother"

Faith can almost feel the disapproval on the line.

" Los Angeles? Please, tell me you don't want to be an _actress_ "

Faith can't help grinning at her discomfort. She knows her grandmother equates actresses with prostitutes. She almost wants to say yes, just to get back at her, but restrains herself.

"No, Grandmother, I don't want to be an actress"

" Thank goodness you've a modicum of sense left. Very well, I'll send the funds to the Los Angeles branch of Credit Suisse First Boston bank. It should be there in an hour or two. "

"Thank you again, Grandmother" Faith can already feel the strings and chains being tied to her.

" Just don't forget our bargain, Faith. It's… important"

"I won't Grandmother. I promise".

" See to it!"

Faith pauses, then adds impulsively.

" I love you, Grandmother"

" Click"

Faith looks at the phone. _Always the sweetheart, gramms is. _She hangs up the phone, not without some conflicting feelings.

She can't help thinking she just sold herself to the devil.

* * *

Los Angeles, California

4 days later.

Willow is having a bad day. Which is perfect, because the whole week has been totally crappy for her. It's shaping up to be one of the worst weeks of her life. It's the kind of week that makes you want to walk into the ocean and hope the sharks attack you.

Buffy is mad at her because she won't take off and go to Europe with her.

Kennedy has gone home to Boston. She decided, without consulting Willow, that they 'needed a break, to figure things out'. _Swell, we know what THAT means. It's almost the same as " We've gotta talk". Expecting a Dear Jane letter any day now from her._

Xander took off without a word. Not a single word. He left a short note, saying he just can't be here anymore, he has to ' find himself'. Find his purpose in life. Something other than being a "Scooby". _Well, great Mr. Poopyhead. We all wanna do something other than be a scooby. But do you have to take off like that? Without even a goodbye? I mean, we've been best friends forever, and it's "Adios" without the wave! … God, exactly how selfish ARE you, Willow? He's grieving. He lost Anya. Ok, they weren't exactly together, but that doesn't make it any easier for him… but doesn't he know we're grieving with him? That we're here for him? That it's better to grieve with friends? Why'd he have to leave? So gonna miss him! Why couldn't he at least have said goodbye? Damn, damn, and damn!_

Giles seems upset, or at least put off by her, because she isn't in the mood to discuss Council business with him. Since the destruction of the council, and the defeat of the first, the remaining surviving members have elected him chair. And he wants to bring Willow onboard, along with Buffy, if he can swing it. _God, Giles, I really got lots of OTHER Things to worry about right now! Sheesh, already!_

Angel is acting strange towards her. It's as if he blames her for that … ok, fight… at the hospital, and for everything that happened afterwards. _He's not acting mad, really, more… I don't know…distant? Great, just what I need now. Distant!_

But worst of all, Faith is still gone. Still missing. She hasn't been back, or contacted anyone, since that night. Willow is worried to death, because she's afraid Faith might've done something stupid, and gotten herself killed. _Or attacked by demons, and gotten herself killed. Or… just ran…because she really didn't want to go back to prison, or… dammit… where IS she?_ The worst, though, is that Willow blames herself. _Guilt much, Willow? Well, you should. If you hadn't fought with her, if you hadn't confronted her, she would've calmed down. She would still be here, and you wouldn't be so damned worried about her. Then, there's that little confession she made to you. How you feeling about that? What, with Kennedy going home, huh? Oh, and FAITH BEING GONE, you dummy…you total, total dummy! Gee, Will, just how many lives can you manage to screw up? How many?_

Willow felt like her world was crumbling around her. Last week everything had been good. _Ok, not perfect. The First was still around. But everyone had been together, more or less. People weren't just taking off, or turning away, or off doing their own thing. We were like family, sticking together. Facing a really bad thing, but together. Now it's all flying apart, and I'm watching it dissolve. The time we should be together, celebrating our victory, it's going to hell. I don't get it, I just don't get it!_

What she did get however was a boat load of guilt. She felt it was all her fault, her doing. She could trace each bit back to herself. _My best friends in the world are gone, because I didn't have time for them. Buffy is really pissed, because she wants to share Europe with me… but how could I go? Enjoy it, knowing that out there somewhere Xander's wandering around alone. I know he left because I didn't find time to be with him when he needed me most. I let him down. Kinda let everyone down, didn't I? Everybody's feeling the big Willow let down._

_Giles is thinking I don't care about his plans for the council, but I do. Just, right now, I've got more important stuff… life stuff… on my mind. I want to help him, I do. But … I just can't think about that right now._

_All I can think about right now is Kennedy, and Faith. Faith and Kennedy. What've I done? How'd I get in this mess? How can I love them both? It's not right, I can tell you that! They both tug at me in different ways. I feel good when I'm with them. Oh, that's just great, Will. Sure, cheat on them both, why don't you? Cuz, that's what your doing. Is it fair to either of them that you can't let go of the other? What kind mega-slut are you, anyway?_

_Ok, Will, stop it. You gotta think this out. Now, Kenny…well, she…so sweet to me. She encourages me, she defends me(Sometimes, when I DON'T NEED DEFENDING…Arrgh!). When we're together, she treats me like a queen… no, like a Goddess. And she's no slouch in the loving department, I've got to tell you. That tongue could win awards…_Willow sighs at the pleasant memory. _She makes no bones about wanting me. Sometimes, to the point of jealousy. Oh yeah, she's got the green-eyed monster, bad.( ummm… considering, can you blame her?). And all too often, she opens her mouth before engaging brain. God, she can be so childish, too.( right. Any more childish than a woman who can't make up her mind?). I'm also thinking she…well, ok, Will, you got no proof, and no right to talk, but I'm thinking she might have a roving eye… I've seen her flirt with some of the other girls( Hmmm…talk about jealousy?)._

_Now Faith… ok, that's a wholly different story. Man, she can be so damned RUDE! You can never really be sure where you stand with her…unless she hits you with both barrels and tears you to itsy bitsy bits. And nasty? God, how many times have I been hit by that blast of sarcasm of hers? Her temper…well, ok, that's just shy of Mt. Vesuvius on a bad day. Reckless? Oh yeah, you betcha. Thoughtless? Uh-huh. A slob, oh yeah…that room of hers looked like a hurricane hit it. Ok, what did I like about her again? Boy, now that's a tough one. Ok, she'll always tell you the truth…whether you want to hear it, or not. She's loyal… even to someone you'd think she wouldn't be loyal to… like Buffy. And, no matter how much she tries to hide it, she cares. You can see it in what she does. How she treats people when they're down. She was so afraid the girls hated her after that fiasco at the winery, but they love her. Because she takes the time to learn about them. And she'll deny it, but there's a soft side to her… I've seen it. A real vulnerable side… She'll act all tough and heartless, but you can see it in her eyes. And oh god, those eyes. They're so beautiful, so expressive. Never mind the rest of the package(ok, Will, you can come out of the shallow water now).But the big thing? I … ok, this is totally stupid, and I know it. But I'm thinking she needs love more… no matter what she says or does, I can sense it. How much she wants to love, give everything she's got to it. I can just feel it. But, she's scared, like a child. Afraid of being hurt. Goddess, it just makes you wanna take her and hold her …_

_Oh…that helped ever so much… NOT. Great, I'm like no closer to a decision than before. What do I do? Who do I chose? The one who loves me, treats me like a queen, gives me all sorts of happys? Or do I choose the other, who at times makes me wanna scream in frustration. Who drives me mad, but I'm thinking needs me more? I'm kinda thinking, I need her more? Oh, hell, why me? Why can't I just find a nice hole to jump into, somewhere far away and way, way deep? Goddess, this is so hopeless…_

Willow is so deep in her thoughts, that when the hand lands on her shoulder, she nearly jumps out of her skin. She looks up into Buffy's questioning eyes, and smiles an embarrassed smile.

" Hey, Will… gee, sorry, didn't mean to wig you" Buffy says, crouching down beside Willow.

"Hey, Buffy… look, I'm sorry about Europe and all…"

" Oh, piffle, Will. I made a big deal out of it, and I shouldn't have. I just thought, you know, hanging out at all the old ruins and stuff, you know, would be great with my best bud." Buffy says. " And of course there's the dancing and partying… how good could Europe really be without my daily dose of Willowosity, huh?"

"Gee, Buffy, just make it easier to say no, why don't you?" Willow half smiles, and then shrugs, " Who knows, way things are going, might take you up on it".

" That would be major cool, Will, " Buffy says, excitedly… then notices Willow doing the thousand yard stare, " But thinking, not so much for you."

" Huh? Oh, sorry… I'm really a drag as company right now."

" 'K, Will, fess up. What's the deal? Why are there storm clouds circling your head?"

" That obvious, huh?" Willow grins sheepishly.

" Naw, never would've known it… if I were blind and deaf and stupid. What's making my Willow so down in the dumps? "

Buffy drapes her arm over Willow's shoulder. She gives Willow her 1000 megawatt grin.

"C'mon, you can tell you're old bud, don't ya think?"

" Buffy, honest, it's really not a big. I'll… figure it out"

Buffy's expression turns serious.

" Hey, look, Will. I know this last year has been kinda rough on all of us… and I'm really thinking, it's been really rough on our friendship. I guess I'm the blame for that one, you know? I mean, ok, I gotta admit, when you came back from England, wasn't really knowing what to expect. And the little disappearing act at the airport… well… that didn't help. I guess I'm saying that … I was kinda wigged out, Will. "

" Really Buffy? Never would've guessed it" Willow says, an edge of sarcasm in her voice.

" Guess I got that coming, huh? But you gotta admit, Will, that I had at least some reason?"

" Yeah, I guess going dark and veiny and trying to kill you? Not the best way to send that Hallmark greetings of "Hey kinda loving you", right?" Willow grins ruefully.

" I won't say I'm missing Dark, Veiny Willow. But I know you had reasons, good reasons, and were hurting so bad. Feeling bad I couldn't help you through it. But let's just say it, the last two years? Totally sucky… ok, except maybe the coming back to life part… now , anyway. But then, kinda… sucky."

" Yeah… sucky." Willow looks down, " Kinda wishing we could just erase the last two years."

" Me too, Will. Me too."

Buffy pauses, trying to think of the best way to go on.

" See, Will, I'm really missing my best friend. You know her, I used to go to her with everything, and she … well, I'm hoping she did the same with me… but, with all that's been going on, and everything, … oh, crap, I miss talking with you, Will. I really do."

Willow bites on her lower lip.

"Me, too, Buffy. It's been… hard. I know things have been weird between us, but there hasn't been a day when I haven't wanted to come and just… talk things over with you. I need that."

" That's one of the reasons I was hoping you'd come to Europe with me. I was hoping if we took some time together, in a non-confrontational-have to kill the bad guys situation, we could find a way to get back to what we had. It was probably a dumb idea, huh?"

"No, it was a sweet and wonderful idea, " Willow impulsively lunges and hugs Buffy, who, not expecting it, falls over. They tumble over into the grass. They giggle like they did back in high school, then Willow sobers up a bit. "Problem is, Buffy, that right now, my head is in such a place that if we went, not so sure it'd work"

"Yeah, I noticed that you were out here, sitting all by yourself, kinda … well, lost looking. So, again, Will, what's the dire?"

Willow looked at Buffy with those large muddy green eyes of hers, and she hesitates. _She's gonna think I'm awful. She's gonna think I'm a slut. Me, floss twice a day Willow…and…she's gonna get that disgusted 'oh my god' look on her face. How can I tell her? it's just… I can't…_

" I really screwed up, Buffy"

Buffy has a half bemused, half amused look on her face.

" Well, that cleared it right up"

"I … oh, god Buffy, what am I gonna do? I… you know I'm with Kennedy"

Buffy gets a sour look on her face.

" Ok, I know, I know, you don't like her. But.. it gets worse…"

" Gee, Will, you're not like…pregnant, are you?" Buffy deadpans.

" Buffy!" Willow exclaims, shocked. She catches Buffy's expression," If you're not going to take this seriously….!"

" Will, chill. Sorry, go on".

" Well, we were happy… me and Kennedy… I thought so, at least. But then I went to L.A. to help Angel… and saw Faith there… and I thought… 'Well, I can bring her back. She can help Buffy with the potentials… maybe take some of the stress off…"

" Yeah… we know how THAT went" Buffy says, sardonically.

" Ok, ok… there were some little problems. " Buffy gives Willow a look. " Ok, big problems… but it worked out in the end, right?"

" Yeah, it did. And, Will? You did a good thing…ok? I mean… about Faith. It … allowed us to … well, ok not saying were bosom buddies here, but at least, I think we kinda… found a way to be at peace with each other."

Willow smiles.

" See, that's good!" But then she frowns, " but I did a bad thing too, Buffy! I never should've brought her to Sunnydale. Big mistake. Big, big mistake. I mean, ok, good she helped with the First and killing the big bad, good you and she bonded, or whatever. But bad, bad… Willow bad."

" What are you babbling about, Willow?" Buffy laughs.

"Buffy, I'm so screwed! I didn't mean for it to happen, I mean… I'm not even SURE anything happened…ok, lie, something happened… but I mean, I don't know if it meant anything… well, ok… maybe I do know… but… what if it's all only my own imagination? Sure, she said some things, but maybe I was just wanting to hear them? What if I never see her again, or … I do see her, but she… doesn't want me? Oh, god, what if she does want me? I mean, it's all confusing enough…."

" No kidding? Will… Willow! Will. Stop!" Buffy says, trying to get Willow's attention.

Willow looks at her, plainly confused and miserable.

" Will, just say it… don't try to explain… just say it!"

" God, Buffy do you think it's easy? I mean… oh, hell, I think I'm…."

" In love with Faith?" Buffy finishes, cutting her off.

" Huh?" Willow's eyes go wide. " How'd you know?"

" Willow, I love you. You know that. But, you can't keep a secret. You can't hide your feelings. Maybe that's what I love about you most." Buffy gives Willow's face the once over, " and by your expression, I guessing that it's really hard for you, cuz you still have feelings for Kennedy."

Willow looks at Buffy as if she dropped in from another dimension.

" Ok, who are you? What did you do with Buffy?"

Buffy chuckles.

"Ok, Will. I know, I'm major guilty with the self-involvement thing. But honest, I do see, Will, especially when it's my best friend. Xander's not the only one who sees things."

" Xander… oh god. I can't really give you heck about being self involved , Buffy. Look at me. I should've found the time to be there for him, Buffy. He's gone… who knows where… all alone. What if he does something crazy? I should've … I should've helped more… I'm a bad, bad friend!"

" God, Will, please! Stop it ! Would you stop taking the weight of the world on your shoulders? That's MY job… or was , anyway"

They both laugh over that.

"Will, Xander… nothing you could've said, or anyone could've said… could've made a difference. He made a choice… he had to get away from it. I know that. That's sort of the reason I sent him away with Dawn… hoping he'd be out of this one…I knew it was going to be rough. I was hoping he would take Anya with him, but he's… I love Xander, too… but he's not always the brightest star in the sky. I really wanted them all out of it… but … well, Dawn kinda screwed that up nicely."

" Thing is, Will, he's tired of it, " Buffy continues, " He just… can't do it anymore. Believe me, I know the feeling. He has to walk away, he has to find something of a new life for himself. The pain of losing Anya… he never stopped loving her… just too much for him. He has to do this, for himself, Will. And we have to let him go. We have to."

" I miss him, Buffy"

" Me too, Will. Me too. Maybe someday he can heal enough to … well, try to be part of our lives again. I hope so. But, whatever it is , we just gotta accept it."

They're both quiet for a moment. Willow is still a bit shocked by percepto-Buffy. She loves Buffy, loves her deeply. But sensitivity and awareness of others has never been her strongest suits. _So what changed?_

"What am I gonna do , Buffy?"

"What do you mean, Will?"

"Faith…and Kennedy. What'm I gonna do? I… oh, crap, I'm in so much trouble here. I love them both. How do I choose? How can I choose? What do I do?"

" You're asking ME. Will? Remember me? The girl who scares them all away? I really don't think I'm qualified to be giving relationship advice here, or anywhere."

" Not so much with the helping there, Buffy."

" God, Willow, look at my record! Geeze, what do you expect me to say? I don't know… what does your heart tell you?"

" I don't know," Willow whines, miserably. Buffy comes over and takes her hand, looking into her eyes.

" Then that's what you got to do… figure out who you really want."

"Been there, done that, didn't work."

" Ok, repeating myself here, so _not_ an expert. But I'm thinking until you make a choice, Willow… you're just going to go around and around on this merry-go- round."

"Well, kinda maybe not having to. Kennedy went home, said we needed ' apart time'. Thinking, it's code for 'dumping you'."

" That's not the same thing, Willow, and you know it. You've gotta choose who you want, and fight for that one, and let the other one go."

Willow gives Buffy a sidelong glance.

" Hey, you asked, Will. I told you, not Dr. Laura here."

They're quiet for awhile, each thinking their own thoughts.

" Look, Buffy, I need a favor."

" Sure Will, anything. What can I do?"

" I… I can't just sit here anymore. Not knowing where Faith is, if she's alright, all of it." Seeing Buffy's look, she goes on, " I know, I know what you're going to say. "She'll be found when she wants to be found' … but, I'm going crazy, just sitting here…"

" Look, Will, I've got to tell you something."

"What?"

" Well, when Faith didn't come back that first night, Angel .. and I guess, me too, we got worried, anyway. We've been kind of looking for her…"

" And you didn't think I wanted to know this because…?"

" Well, you haven't exactly been easy to approach these last few days, Will…."

" Me? I'm Ms. Easy" Willow grimaces, " ok, that didn't come out like I wanted to, but you know what I mean."

" Ummm… Will? I hate to tell you, but not lately. Maybe you're not realizing it, but you've been kinda … moody?"

" I so have not!"

" You nearly tore poor Giles' head off when he wanted to talk about the council with you. And, that look you gave me when I asked about you going with me to Europe? Kinda scary, Will. Dawn's staying out of your way, hoping you won't really turn her into a lizard like you said you would…"

" That was a joke!" Willow protests.

" She's not laughing Will. Anyway, we've been kind of not coming around because… well, we didn't have anything to tell you about Faith. Angel's even feeling cautious around you… "

" Oh" Willow thinks back on the last couple of days… " I've been a biotch, huh?"

"Sort of " Buffy grins apologetically.

" So, maybe my idea of going looking for her, since Angel is already doing it's kind of stupid?"

"No, actually thinking it might be a good idea. It'll get you out of here, give you… us… something to do… calm things down."

" I can do some scrying, see if I can get a location on her…." Willow notices Buffy is looking over her shoulder.

" Or, maybe you could turn around…." Buffy says, a small grin on her face.

Willow turns around, and looks where Buffy's looking… and sees a figure standing about 20 yards away, alone and looking apologetic and somewhat lost. Faith stays there, looking towards Willow, but not directly at her. Willow's first impulse is to leap up, run the distance, and hug her til she can't breathe. For the first time in four days, her breathing doesn't hurt, her heart doesn't feel like a steel band is around it._ She's alive, she's ok!_ But then her temper flares up . _What the hell does she think she's doing? Doing this to us… to me? I bet it's just a big joke to her!_ Willow feels the blood rushing to her face. She turns back to Buffy, her face a rather deep shade of red.

"Will?" Buffy notes Willow's face, and the fact she's sitting there, not moving.

" Does she think she can just go disappearing four days, then just waltz back in here like nothing happened? Never mind we've been worried sick about her. Guess that was wasted though, wasn't it?"

" Willow, don't you think you should…"

" I _don't_, Buffy. I _don't _think I want squat to do with her!" Willow jumps up, and hurries off in the opposite direction from Faith, towards the house they're staying at.

Buffy watches her go, sighing a little. _Sometimes, I just can't figure her. A couple of minutes ago, I'm pretty sure if I'd said 'You gotta jump off a bridge to save Faith', she would've jumped happily. Now Faith is here, well… and she runs away, upset and ready to kill._ Buffy grins a little to herself. _Looks like love to me…_

" So, you gonna sit there grinning, or say Hi, B?"

" Hi, B?" Buffy says, brow arched

"Funny. So, how are you, B?"

" Dunno, bemused, maybe a little pissed at you for worrying us all like you did… you know, usual. You?"

" Oh, wandering around, trying to figure out what I was gonna do… kinda not wanting to jump right back into prison."

"So, you're going to go back, then?"

"Well, kind of have to, B. Can't do the run from place to place, living in crappy little motels forever, you know. Gets old."

Buffy gives Faith a look.

"What?" Faith asks, a little thrown.

" Sure doesn't sound like the old Faith. The one who's here and then gone when she wants to be… live for the now, that Faith."

" Yeah, well… things change, Buffy." Faith changes the subject, " So, how'd you get Red so pissed off? She lit outta here like her butt was on fire."

"Well, actually, I didn't get her pissed, Faith." Buffy says, giving Faith a pointed look.

Faith gets a rueful little grin.

" Yeah, 'fraid you were gonna say that."

"Well, can you blame her? She looked for you a long time that night you ran away, Faith. She came back, discouraged and worried… and you've been gone four days, not a word."

Faith looks at Buffy, trying to read her face. She's covering her own surprise. _She didn't tell them? About the… bar?_

Buffy misreads the look, as if Faith doesn't get it.

" C'mon, Faith. Don't you get it? She sorta… well, she cares about you…"

" Yeah… I… kinda stupid of me running off like that… I just… was wigged… couldn't deal with things."

"Faith? Ms. Nothing-gets-to-me-Faith? Wigged? That's a first!"

Faith has a small smirk on her face.

"Well, thank you Ms. Sarcasm. I think you're liking this way too much" She looks towards the house, " I think I should go try to … I dunno… smooth it over with Red."

"Faith… go easy with her"

" What're you talking about, B? I'm not gonna be all storm-troopy or nothing… just going to talk to her."

" I'm just saying… the last 4 days have been kind of hard on her… she's kinda in a fragile place."

"What do you mean, B?" Faith asks, brow furrowed.

" Just… Well, Xander left…."

" Xander? Left?"

" Good hearing, Faith, yeah, he left… without much more than a note…"

"Geeze… is she taking it ok? I mean, I know they were close."

"Actually, no. She's feeling a lot of guilt, feeling she wasn't there for him. It hit her kinda hard and deep."

Faith gets a worried look on her face.

" Then there's Kennedy".

" What about Ken-doll?"

" She left couple of days ago. For Boston. Back to her family. Said she and Will needed a break. Think things out. Figure where their relationship was going. That rather upset her."

" Oh, man" Faith says, sounding upset herself.

" Yeah… then there's you, being Milk Carton Girl. It's been rough for her… so how about trying NOT to upset her."

" B… honest, I … damn" Faith looks towards the house, "maybe best I just let her alone… "

" Oh, yeah, that'd be great. She's been worrying like nuts about you, and you're just going to turn your back on her now?" Buffy's tone starts to rise.

" Hey, B, chill. I didn't… I just was thinking it would be better if I didn't bother her… she's got enough on her plate… maybe I should just go …"

" Or, here's a radical concept. Maybe you could think about someone BESIDES yourself for once, and be there for her…when she really needs it… like now?"

" You're a good one to talk, B," Faith says, striking back, " how 'bout when she was hurting so bad after Tara… when she came back from England. She told me. You weren't exactly support-o girl."

" You weren't there, Faith. There was a lot going on…"

"Too much to take 5 or 10 minutes to maybe help her over the bad stuff? Talk about not being there for her. She was hurting pretty bad… scared to death she was going to lose it. Who could she turn to? Not her best friend, evidently!"

" You were sitting on your butt in Prison, Faith. How could you have a concept of what was going on?"

" I know that when my friends are hurting, they're a priority."

" Trying to keep everybody alive was a priority, Faith!"

"Seems I heard The First, and the Potentials, didn't show up 'til after the New Year, Buffy. What about those 3 months before?"

" The first started in before the Potentials arrived, Faith. She was influencing Spike, getting him to kill again…"

"Yeah, there's another brilliant thing. Spike. Living in the house with all those girls… no chip… and affected by the First. Whose idea was that one?" Faith asks, giving Buffy a pointed look.

" Ok, Ok, I made lots of mistakes, I was a terrible leader, and I screwed up, ok? I should've done more, done it better, but I didn't … I was … "

"B, stop! I know… you were under a lot of pressure. That's why Red had me come with. " Faith pauses. " Look, I've never been real good at being support-o girl. Maybe you should do it? You're better at that kinda stuff…"

"That won't work, Faith. It's not me she…." Buffy stops, realizing Willow probably doesn't want this publicized.

" What?" Faith asks, puzzled.

"Never mind. I just can't do it… you've gotta do it".

" I'm gonna fuck this up, you know" Faith states simply.

" No you won't… just try to listen to her. That's what she needs right now."

Faith starts walking towards the house. She stops, and turns back to Buffy.

" I'm gonna fuck this up." She turns and walks away.

Buffy watches her, her expression unreadable.

She hopes Faith is wrong.

* * *

Faith walked into the house, wondering exactly what she was going to say to Willow. She's been dreading this moment… well, for the last four days. She doesn't know what to say… she doesn't know what she's feeling… or what Willow is feeling. Right now, she's not even sure where she is…

Then all doubt as to where she is vanishes, because music loud enough to shake the walls comes slamming down from upstairs… along with a number of the 'new' slayers, hands over ears.

Down on me, down on me,  
Looks like everybody in this whole round world  
They're down on me.  
  
Love in this world is so hard to find  
When you've got yours and I got mine.  
That's why it looks like everybody in this whole round world  
They're down on me.

" God, do you think she even knows what the volume control _is_ ?" One of the girls is saying as they walk down the stairs. Then she notices Faith standing there, and stops dead in her tracks. The girls following her, not aware in time, run into her.

"Well… look what the cat dragged in" Rona, always the sweetheart, says from the back of the pack.

" Uh-huh, and look what the cat chewed and spit out, " Faith retorts, smirking.

Everybody freezes for a moment… then the tension breaks, and the girls clamber downstairs surrounding Faith, peppering her with comments and questions. Each in turn hugs Faith, even Rona, who hardly likes anyone… especially if they were slayers over a week ago.

"Where've you been?"

"How are you?"

"Where'd you go?"

" How long you been back?"

"Are you staying?"

" Later, later, we'll all have a weenie roast and do the bonding thing, ok? Right now" Faith looks upstairs, " I've got other things I've gotta take care of."

Another blast of music comes from an upstairs bedroom

Saying they're down on me, down on me.  
Looks like everybody in this whole round world  
Down on me.  
  
When you see a hand that's held out toward you,  
Give it some love, some day it may be you.  
That's why it looks like everybody in this whole round world  
They're down on me, yeah.

" You think maybe you could find the volume and turn that down?" Rona looks back upstairs, " Better, break the damned thing?"

" She's been doing that for four days straight… ever since you left… GOD, I think I wanna kill her…no… ok, just the music…" One of the other girls chimes in.

" It's no wonder Kenny left…with that going on…" A third says. She wilts when she sees Faith's expression.

" Hey… not funny, ok? She's had some bad stuff… you know? Give her a break!"

Lord, they're down on me, down on me, oh!  
Looks like everybody in this whole round world  
Is down on me.  
  
Believe in your brother, have faith in man,  
Help each other, honey, if you can  
Because it looks like everybody in this whole round world  
Is down on me.  
  
I'm saying down on me, oh, down on me, oh!  
It looks like everybody in this whole round world  
Down on me!!

" Ok, ok, just…please, talk to her about it. It's really hard to think with that going so loud day and night!"

The girls, still grimacing and holding their hands over their ears, exit through the front door.

Faith starts up the stairs, her face reflecting her distress. She hadn't any idea how much Willow had been going through. Feeling just a little guilty, Faith girl? Really hating it that Buffy may be right(damn if I ever tell her that), but maybe I should've been thinking about Red… well, besides all the thinking I've been doing the last 4 days. I just don't get all this stuff. I figured I pretty well scared her off after that little scene in the bar… figured she just would blow me off. That's what I wanted her to do. Things were just getting too hinky. She thinks she knows me… knows all about me! Dammit, she doesn't … but sometimes she gets it way too close…

Faith finds herself staring at the door, where the music temporarily has stopped. Outside her head it's quiet, inside it's noisy as Grand central station at rush hours. God, or whoever is looking down here laughing at me, don't let me fuck this up! She knocks on the door softly. For a long beat, there's no response. Then a voice sounding angry and sad calls out.

" Go 'way, don't wanna talk!"

"C'mon, Red, open up. Let me in, please!"

" Oh yeah, like you let me in, huh? Yeah, you're so good at that … opening up and letting someone in…yeah"

" Red… Willow, please, I know I deserve that. But… I really want to try. I'm sorry, I really am."

The door flies open, and there is a very flushed Willow staring at Faith. Her mouth is turned down into an angry frown, and her eyes are wet with tears.

" You think that fixes it? You're sorry? God, don't you get it? What you did goes beyond just hurting me. You embarrassed me, made me look like an idiot." Willow turns away, retreating into her room but leaving the door open," but that wasn't the worst of it. You pulled a knife on me! Do you really think I liked that? And oh, having a shotgun pointed at me? Gee, I really get all warm and fuzzy about that one!" Her voice drops until it's nearly a whisper, " And I could've forgiven even that. But you went and shut me out, again. All I wanted to do was help, and you pushed me away. I get the hint, Faith, I really do. You don't want anyone to get close. So, I won't try anymore… ok? Let's just call it a bad job, and forget it… and you go away."

" Is that what you want, Red? Me to go away? I'll go if you say so."

" Yes, go!" No, STAY!!!!

" Ok, Red… I'm going. Got it," Faith turns and starts out. She stops and turns, " Oh, sorry… got this for you… cuz I knew you liked it… but… I'll just leave it here." Faith drops the bag on the dresser and walks out the door.

Willow makes an angry, frustrated noise and runs after Faith, blocking her way.

" What the hell?" Faith pulls up short to keep from knocking Willow over

" Are you really that stupid, Faith? Do I gotta draw you pictures?" Willow leans in close on Faith, nearly nose to nose, " You think I've been all worried and miserable about you for the last 4 days, and when you come traipsing back like it's nothing, I'm just gonna fall in your arms?" She backs away." Geeze, you really amaze me, Faith. Who do you think you are anyway? Some kinda goddess, you don't have to do a little groveling? I wish I could figure you out!!!! One minute, you're sweet as honey, as warm as a blanket, you make me feel like… goddess, I don't know but it's wonderful. The next you're acting like poison, making me feel sick and crazy. I don't get you, Faith. Be straight with me, once. How do you feel about me?"

Faith stands there feeling like she's trapped in the eye of a hurricane. This woman, this storm, this force of nature surrounds her like wild winds and cool sweet breezes. She literally makes Faith shake, makes Faith wonder who the hell she is, what she knows, because everything goes wonky when she gets close to her. It goes wonky when she's far from her. Her cool is blown, she's utterly stripped in front of her. And she can't even understand it herself, yet this woman… this witch, is asking her to explain it.

" I don't know, I just… don't understand it, any of it. I wish I could understand it… all I know is when I … when you …oh crap, why're you asking this? I feel all mixed up and crazy inside… that what you wanna hear? You make me nuts! And you make me feel good, and … I don't wanna hide around you, but I do…does that make sense? It's like you look right inside me and know me… and that gives me a major wig… and when I see you cry it breaks my heart, and I don't know why… why I even care, but I do…and I didn't just let you walk home that night…I followed, cuz I didn't want nothing bad to happen to you… cuz if that happened, I'd go crazy. Now you're asking me this crap, and I'm sitting here, feeling naked. Because I know you know but you act like you don't know… is this some kinda witchy mojo you're doing on me?"

" No, Faith, no mojo" Willow's face has softened, her voice has softened… everything about her has softened. " not about this, never."

"What's happening to me?" Faith struggles against the warm fog surrounding her, touching her in ways she doesn't know, doesn't understand," I hate this, not knowing. It's making me crazy. I can't think straight, I can't see straight, nothing makes sense. And you! You're always there, you're eyes looking at me, looking inside making me want to hide" Faith traps Willow against the wall, " don't tell me It's not magic, Red. I don't buy that… why're you doing this to me?" Faith is nose to nose with Willow, staring into her eyes.

" Not doing it, honestly, Faith… honest" Willow whispers, her lips nearly touching Faith's. She can feel Faith's breath tickling her lips.

" Don't LIE TO ME!!! GODDAMN YOU!!!" Faith nearly screams at her. Her tone turns desperate, " don't do this to me, Red, please… " Then her will, any little bit of her control leaves her and her lips press against Willows. It's a hungry kiss, needy, full of pent up emotion. Willow's eyes go wide in surprise…then the lids lower as the passion takes her. Her hands run through Faith's hair, grabbing the locks in her fingers, pulling Faith closer…

"No… gotta stop" Willow pants, between kisses… but kissing Faith again.

" What? Stop?" Faith responds, also panting, grabbing Willow and pulling her closer… kissing her again.

" Stop… not settled…nothing's settled" Willow says, but not stopping

They kiss again, then heat rising. Willow practically climbs up on Faith's hips, wrapping her legs around her waist. Faith slides her hands under Willow's top, running her nails down her back as the kiss gets more fierce, more passionate.

" This is wrong, all wrong," Willow starts to grind against Faith, " We gotta stop… we gotta talk… oh shit, just … "

All talking ceases as they stumble into Willow's bedroom, Faith kicking the door closed with her boot. Somehow they make it to the bed, and Faith lays Willow down on the bed. Faith is looking down on the woman, seeing her own desire reflected in Willow. Beyond the lust, the pure desire, she sees a sweet innocence, a softness that begs her to love her, not hurt her, to hold her and want her and need her. Willow reaches up to Faith, almost a supplication. Faith falls into her arms on the bed.

Time seems to slow for both of them. Unlike the last time they came together, this time is marked by a gentleness, a tenderness. For a long time they just kiss, and then hold each other, then look into each other's eyes. They giggle, and slowly undress each other, throwing the clothing away to land where it will. When they become naked, they just look at each other, as if trying to memorize every tiny bit of the other. The touches are gentle, soft… almost tentative. They move together, wrapping each other up in their arms and legs, wanting each bit of their skin to be touched by the other's. Their bodies move together in a gentle rhythm, their moans are soft, their cries are low and deep. They kiss and caress, touching and exploring each other's bodies. They move and shift their attentions, Faith and Willow both trying to find new ways to please each other. Their lovemaking lasts for hours, neither in a hurry, the fires burning deep and low, and building gradually until each brings the other to sweet madness. To them, at this time, it's more about giving and sharing, not taking. Every touch, every little kiss, makes their skin sing. Tender little bites, loving licks and gently probing fingers push them this way and that, but always higher, higher. When both are finally exhausted, many hours later, they lay holding each other, sharing another soft kiss. They know they both are lost and found. They both know it's more than lust, more than desire. They know it's love.

Sleepy, so tired, they still fight sleep. They kiss and caress, never wanting this moment to pass. But in the end sleep wins, and they fall into its seductive embrace.

* * *

Willow wakes a few hours later, feeling fuzzy and goofy and wonderful. She looks over at her sleeping lover, and her heart begins to pound in her chest. _Bad, bad this is bad… and I love being bad…_ She watches Faith sleep, and her heart just melts. She's got it bad, really bad… worse than she ever imagined. She's utterly hooked. No one has made her feel like this before… even Tara, who she adored… still adores… never made her feel this way. It's as if a part of herself has been lost all her life. As if she's finally found it, and never even knew it existed.

As quietly as she can, she extricates herself from Faith's arms. Her bladder is screaming at her an urgent need to pee, and she can't hold it any longer. She quietly makes her way across the room, and notices the bag sitting on the dresser…_She said it was a gift for me…_ but Willow doesn't pause long, because urgent is nearing catastrophe. She runs out of the room.

When she returns, she pauses again at the dresser… _I shouldn't look. I should wait til she's awake. _She starts for the bed, and stops. Curiosity is killing her, and she has to look. _Just a peek. I'll pretend later it's the first time I've seen it. God, Willow, lying already huh?_ She walks back to the dresser and hesitates. _I shouldn't. I should wait!_ She turns and again makes for the bed…and Faith's arms. She gets almost all the way, and stops. _I gotta KNOW!_ She turns back and picks up the bag._ This is silly. She bought it for me. She wants me to have it. Just look._ She opens the bag and looks inside.

Unknown to Willow, Faith is awake, watching her do her little drama through her eyelashes. A tiny smile brushes across her lips as she sees Willow finally give into temptation. It's been great fun, but she wants to see Red's reaction.

Willow looks puzzled. She pulls an old vinyl LP out of the bag. _Well, this is weird. I don't have a turntable. _She turns it over and sees it's a copy of Janis Joplin's " Kozmic Blues" Album. Then she gets excited… because it's a SIGNED Album… and … she looks closely… it's hand signed! _Where'd she get this? Oh my god!… _she almost jumps out of her skin when she hears a voice behind her.

"So, Red… like it?"

" Geeze FAITH!" Willow squeals, turning around, " You trying to give me a heart attack?" but she's grinning from ear to ear, " I love it Faith!"

"When I was… ummm… wandering around, I found this hokey little record shop called… " The Old Record Shoppe". God, talk about corn ball, but I went in and looked around. All vinyl albums, so I'm figuring ok, I'm outta place here. Then I thought about how you liked that caterwauling sound, so I talked to the owner, some old geezer… and he went in back and brought this out. I shrugged, I mean, it meant nothing to me, but I bought it cuz I … well, I thought you might like it."

" I love it!" Willow exudes, then her brow goes dark, " how'd you afford it?"

"I …well, I wasn't as broke as I made out, ok?" Faith says, blushing a little.

" You didn't…" Willow gives Faith a look.

" NO! God, Red, I didn't steal it…geeze…" Faith frowns.

" I'm sorry. I love it!" Willow says, smiling. Then she puts it down, and walks back to the bed. She slips under the sheets, and puts her arms around Faith. She gives her a long, long kiss. " I love you lots and lots more" She whispers, softly.

Faith looks at Willow, and sees this woman looking at her with shining eyes, and she caves into her feelings.

" I love you too, Willow" Faith says, softly. Almost afraid to say it out loud. She could deny it before, when it was only in her heart, in her mind. She could just tell herself it was lust. But now it's out there, and it's real.

Willow snuggles close to her, laying her head on Faith's breast. Faith holds her close, stroking her hair. Willow sighs happily, closing her eyes and just enjoying the glow.

Faith sits, wide eyed, worried look on her face. This is new territory for her, something she's deep down wanted, but never thought would happen. She's in love, and it….

It's scary.

* * *

To be continued. 


	9. Part 9

Independence By Norwalker

Part 9 of

Summary: What did Willow and Faith discuss in that little car trip from L.A. to Sunnydale in season 7? And what were the consequences? A Willow/ Faith story

Rating: R, Very R

Category: romance/drama/angst

Spoilers: Possible season 7 spoilers. Possible season 4 Angel spoilers. C'mon, you must have seen 'em by now!

Time Line: Mid season 7(after the return of Faith) and beyond

Disclaimer: Joss Whedon , Mutant Enemy and Fox own them. All characters in this story are fictional, and no similarities to anyone, living or dead, is meant or intentional.

**_Warnings_**: Adult themes, violence, sexual situations between members of the same gender. **_Please be aware, character death is always a distinct possibility. It can happen here, so don't say I didn't warn you!!!_** Any racist remarks are spoken by the characters, and are in no way shared by the author. This story is not meant for children.  
  


* * *

" Uhhh… God" Faith groans softly as the sun dances over her closed eyelids Her eyes were sore, had a gritty feel to them, and had that nasty gummy feeling you get when sleep has been elusive. She opened one eye a little, taking in the fact it was morning. She slowly turned her head, and saw that Willow had moved in the night, and was sleeping peacefully, curled up on the other side of the bed.

Sighing quietly, she forces herself up, doing her best not to disturb Willow. _Not really into long discussions this morning…grunting's about as far as I'm goin'._ Standing , she looks over to where Willow is sleeping, and she sighs._ Damn… no one should be that cute._ She grabs something to cover herself, and her travel bag, and leaves the bedroom, heading for the bathroom.

She stares at herself in the mirror, and grunts. _Shit, looks like I've been doing the lost weekend bit. Guess no sleep'll do that to you._ She leans over the sink, splashing cold water on her face. It helps a little, but she still feels like a truck used her for driving practice. She grabs her toothbrush out of her bag, scrubbing her teeth and gargling. She drops her robe, and enters the shower, turning on the hot water.

As the water plays over her all too achy muscles, she thinks about what's happened, and what she's gonna do. _This is totally fucked up. Why'd I ever get involved here? I coulda been doing time back in prison already, getting my sentence back down. Instead, I help Buffy's girl scouts, and I'm totally screwed. How'm I gonna go back to prison now? Crap, 4 days away from Red had me nearly climbing the walls. What the hell did she do to me? Shit, what the hell did I do to myself? Didn't I learn rule # 1? Don't get involved. A little slap and poke, that's great. Good for the body. Giving your heart away… bad. Evil. Lots of nasty feelings, lots of hurt, and what's the good? C'mon lets get real. The witch isn't gonna love me… she can't love me. She's got the Girl Scout cum slayer as her lover. I never figured Red to be the fool around type, but that's all it can be. She says she loves me… but what does that mean? She doesn't love Kenny anymore? Can't buy that. So what does it mean? She loves me … what'm I supposed to do here? Shit, how do I know?_

She turns off the shower, shaking her head to clear the confusion. Doesn't work, but she'll figure something out… she always does. She towels down, and grabs a brush, running it through her hair. _So, this is what love does … makes you feel and look crazy._ Collecting her belongings, she throws on her robe, and head back for the room. She stands by the door, pulling herself together._ No doubts, no fears. Have to show her I can handle this._ She opens the door, and sitting up in bed is a very troubled looking Willow._ Oh, god, maybe I can't. _Faith stands by the door, not sure if she should come in any farther.

" Hey"

" Hey, Red… I'm sorry, I didn't mean to wake you…"

" No, that's ok, " Willow says smiling. She pats the bed, " Please come and sit by me. We need to talk."

" 'K " _Aw, crap_

Faith walks over and sits on the edge of the bed. Willow looks at her with a puzzled expression.

" Honest, Faith, I'm really not going to bite you." She smiles at Faith encouragingly, " C'mon, Faith, sit up here by me."

" I really can't , Red… if I get any closer… hell, this isn't even far enough, " Faith gets up, and walks to the corner of the room. " Ok, I think I can think over here."

"Faith?" Willow says, puzzled and hurt, "What is it?"

" Just…when I get too close to you… my mind checks out… " Faith has a helpless look on her face, " All I can think about is how you look, and how you smell, and how you…how much I want…god, this isn't any good." She turns, facing away from Willow.

Willow sits there, not believing what she's hearing. _This incredibly sexy, strong and … beautiful woman is saying I'm too sexy? That I make her crazy-lusty just being with me? _Willow can't process it… no one, even Tara, has ever told her that she's so sexy that she makes thinking go away. She feels like a hundred waves of pleasure overtake her… it's like offering heroin to an addict. She wants, no she _needs_ to hear more. She looks at Faith, facing away from her, the curve of her body, and Willow is on fire. _Talk, schmalk_, a deeper, more elemental need wakes within her, something she needs to be quenched before she can even think again. She stands up out of the bed, letting the sheet drop back. Already her body shows signs of arousal. Her nipples have hardened, and when she walks, it's with the grace and sinuousness of a panther. She goes over to where Faith is standing, and flows her body up against Faith's, her hand dropping to Faiths cute ass. She slides it sensuously over her buttock and thigh

Faith feels Willow press against her, and her hand caressing her, and she feels panic…and oh yeah, lust.

" Willow, " She says, her voice thickened by emotion, " What the hell are you doing?"

" Maybe, baby, " Willow says, taking her earlobe in her mouth and sucking on it. " Maybe, you need some more touch before we talk." Willow slides her hands under Faith's robe, encircling her waist and brings them up to her breasts. She lets her thumbs rub over Faith's hardening nipples. "Hmmmm… yes, I really think baby needs more love, " Willow says, running her tongue down Faith's neck.

Faith starts to shiver from Willow's touch. _Shit, this can't happen. Not to me….god, she makes me feel helpless… oh god…_ Faith starts to pant and whimper, as Willow continues to caress her.

" Red … please, if you want anything like … talk … stop… now…." Faith pleads, already feeling herself get damp.

"Fuck talk" Willow whispers in her ear, following her words with her tongue, Faith just lets out a small sigh. Willow presses closer, rubbing her body against Faiths." Hmmmm…somebody is very overdressed, I think," Willow says, tugging at Faiths robe, pulling it off her, letting it puddle at Faith's feet. She begins to nibble on Faith's neck as she runs her hands lightly and teasingly over her tummy and breasts. Faith is panting now… then Willow pushes herself against Faith , rubbing her breasts into Faith's back, and her pelvis into Faith's butt. Faith's panting turns into moaning.

" Hmmm… you like that baby?" Willow utters, her voice low and seductive.

" Oh, god, yessss, " Faith moans, her voice smoky with passion." Ummm…I'm sooo…"

Willow slides her hand down between Faith's thighs. She gently rubs her mons.

" mmmm… you're so moist, lover. Hmmmm you smell so good…."

_Ohhhhh… this … is… not… good… _was the last coherent thought Faith had before her knees gave out. Somehow she found herself on the floor, Willow's head between her thighs, Willow's tongue doing nasty and wonderful things to her. Then she felt hands touching her breasts… and her back… and she knew she was lost, because Willow was doing that magic thing again. Her moans got louder as more and more 'hands' began to touch her in different, wonderful places, until her mind just checked out…and her body took over. Willow's wet tongue kept pushing deeper insider her… deeper until somehow she knew that no tongue could be that long… then the 'invisible' fingers started caressing her breasts and nipples, and another pair her little hard bud… and soon she didn't care if it's magic, because she's exploding… and for a while she knows nothing but this … magic… then she feels Willow laying on top of her, kissing her…

Faith holds her… and then rolls her over, so Willow is on her back. Willow giggles, and Faith attacks her… with her lips and tongue… Willow's giggles turn to sighing little moans when Faith starts suckling her breasts… Willow grabs her hair, and pulls her closer… then makes little " uhhh…mmmm…uhhh " noises when Faith starts biting her nipples.

" Oh yessss baby that yessss…. harder…" Willow pleads, and Faith obliges.

Faith begins to kiss her way lower, using her lips and tongue to make Willow wiggle. Willow starts to moan louder, pushing herself against Faith as Faith moves between her open legs. Faith slides Willow's legs over her shoulders, and moves closer to her target, using her tongue to tease Willow's sex. She tortures Willow, teasing and nipping at her, making Willow's hips start to shimmy and shake. She slides a couple of digits into her, gently stroking her, then moving faster and faster, taking Willows little button in her mouth and suckling it. Willow goes mad, her head tossing back and forth, her hips moving up and down and in circles…. Faith has to actually hold her still to work on her. Finally Willow's body goes stiff… and then she shakes and cries out , her orgasm breaking like fragile glass within her… shattering… flying apart 'til Willow is just drifting on some sweet cloud somewhere else…

"What happened?"

"What?"

" I thought we were gonna talk"

" What you said… about me making you too …crazy to think….was that true?"

" What do you think?" Faith says, kissing her deeply, sucking on her tongue.

" Goddess, that made me crazy you saying that… never felt that sexy before"

" you are…"

" No you are…"

" I get near you and all I want to do is… this…" Faith giggles, " We didn't make the bed…"

" No shit?" Willow giggles…." God I wanted to slam you down on the floor…."

" Well, you did… you made my knees into jelly with what you were doing…."

" Not the only jelly you had…" Willow giggles, licking her lips.

" You're awful…"

" Yeah… so shut up and kiss me"

Faith does, and they just lay there kissing for a long time.

" God, I'm all stinky," Willow complains.

" Hmmm… guess you need a shower…" Faith slides her arms under Willow, and stands up, lifting Willow.

"Faith! What're you doing?"

" Three guesses, first two don't count, Red, " Faith says, slinging her over her shoulder.

"We're naked!"

" Good point. But then I never shower clothed… do you?!"

" Faith… we can't go out THERE naked!" Willow protests, weakly.

" Oh? Watch me!!!' Faith says, heading for the door.

" FAITH… NO…. FAITH!!!" Willow cries out, but she's laughing.

" Shhh… gotta scrub you clean, Red… maybe not with the loofa either…"

"Faith… that's just… nasty… oh… uhhh… oh… god I love it…"

The bedroom door closes behind the two naked women.

* * *

The next few days passed in a sexual haze for the slayer and the witch. The only time they got out of bed was to shower(not that things stopped in the shower), or to get something to eat. As… discreet as they tried to be, they couldn't avoid everyone, or, sometimes, several everyones. Reactions differed. Some gave the thumbs up, smiling and encouraging. Some were a bit distant, not sure what to make of it. And more than a few were disparaging, with some definitely hostile glances(these last being mostly part of " Kennedy's circle"). Faith pretty much took it in stride, not giving a damn what anyone thought. Willow, however, reacted differently. Sometimes she'd smile and try to just gloss over what was happening, sometimes she got a guilty look. All in all though the stares affected her more than Faith. This was normal enough. She was 'with' Kennedy… supposedly, anyway. But even she knew it was no secret she was sleeping with Faith.

Willow came down with a severe case of the guilts. The last time she felt this way was back in high school, when she and Xander had a little 'thing' going on, behind Oz and Cordelia's back. _Oh, yeah… and that turned out so well! _She tried to push it down and away, but it kept coming up to haunt her.

Faith, not as thick-hided as she acted, noticed that something was up with Willow. She started … well, she'd make love, but it was like she wasn't there. Faith could feel the difference. She started to question herself, maybe she was doing something to upset Willow. Finally, one time when they were just kissing and petting, she felt Willow withdraw, and she stopped it.

" Red…what's going on? What's wrong?"

" Nothing, nothings wrong!" Willow says, covering.

" C'mon Will… you're not here. It's like I'm kissing your picture. I see you, but you're mind…and all the rest, is somewhere else. So what is it?"

" Don't be silly , Faith, " Willow says, coming up and putting her arms around Faith, cupping her breasts. She starts to nibble on her ear, "Does this seem like I'm not here?"

Faith reluctantly takes Willow's hands off her breasts.

" It's been going on for awhile now, Red. You do all the right moves, but it's like you … doing it on autopilot!"

" Nooo…that's silly. Now let my hands back on your boobies. I like your boobies" Willow teases, trying hard to distract Faith. She slides her hands around Faith again, cupping her breasts." Ahhh… boobies" She giggles.

Faith sighs, and takes Willow's hand off her breasts, again._ God, I gotta be insane, to tell her to stop… but something's eating at her._ She turns to Willow.

" Red, you gotta stop it. Something's going on, so just tell me, ok?"

Willow pulls away, and gets an angry little frown on her face.

" Why're you being so mean?" She asks, pulling the sheet over herself.

"I'm not trying to be mean, Red. I'm just trying to find out what's bugging you".

" And I told you, nothing!" Willow exclaims, " What do I have to do, take a lie detector test?" Willow turns away, presenting her back to Faith.

" Red… Willow, c'mon honey, " Faith says, moving around to try to get Willow to look at her… but Willow keeps turning away. " I just care about you… I wanna help, if I can…c'mon, baby, please?" Faith tries to wheedle her into telling her. "C'mon you sexy lil vixen, tell me!" Faith reaches out to touch her face.

" No, leave me alone!" Willow says, batting her hand away, " go 'way. You're thinking I'm lying to you, and I don't like that!"

" No, baby, I'm not thinking that at all…I'm just worried about you, cuz you seem all distracted and …well, not there!"

" Well, damn, Faith, we've been fucking for like, what? 4 or 5 days straight? Maybe I'm just worn out…" as soon as the words came out, and she saw Faith's face, Willow wanted to call them back._ No, no, not what I meant!_

Faith looks at her, hurt. Willow wants to find the nearest rock and crawl under it.

"Is that what it was, fucking?" Faith asks, her voice sounding puzzled, " is that all it was to you?"

"Oh, no… no , that's… no baby, no…" Willow comes over, trying to put her arms around Faith, trying to fix the damage. Faith stiffens in her arms.

Faith suddenly 'gets' why Willow is acting so distant. _She's had her fun, now she wants to move on_. _She's trying to figure a way to dump me._

" Naw, you're right, Red. We've been fucking around too long. Time to get dressed and get back into the world." Faith stands up, starting to look for her clothing.

'Faith, please, no … I'm sorry, you're right…I'm all distracted. I didn't mean that… it's more, it's so much more…please…"

" Where are my pants? Where in fuck are my pants?" Faith growls, grabbing at her clothing. "Shit I like those pants."

" Faith…please, I'm sorry!" Willow keens" It's me, I'm bad. I'm just feeling so guilty… like I cheating…god…I didn't mean …"

" Well, maybe you are," Faith says coolly, her face impassive," that's what it'd be if you're still with Kenny, babe. I'm just a little diversion for you, a little play toy. If it's Kenny you wanna be with…then it's all just nothing." Faith shrugs, picking up her bag.

" No.. Faith, no it's not like that at all…" Willow pleads.

" Red, it's cool. I get it. No big. I had fun, I hope you did too." Faith says. She turns and walks out the door.

Willow sits in the bed, covered by the sheet, staring at the door. A small frown covers her face.

_Stupid. Stupid. Stupid._

_I'm so stupid!  
_

* * *

Faith walks towards the bathroom to dress, each step like a little knife, slashing at her heart. By the time she's in the bathroom, she feels like she's gushing pain.

She leans against the door, letting her stuff drop to the floor. She can feel all the hurt welling up in her, but she won't let them see her cry. _Fuck that, they think they're gonna make me bawl._ She closes her eyes, her lips compressed tightly, pushing down the awful ache she feels in her chest. Try as she might, the hot tears dampen her eyes, and she can feel her lashes getting wet. _Fuck me, fuck me, fuck me. I won't let her do this to me._ She smells Willow on herself, and she hops in the shower, letting the hot water pour over her. She takes the soap and scrubs herself, trying to get the scent of Willow off her skin, out of her life. She almost rubs her skin raw trying.

She hops out of the shower, her hurt replaced by anger. It's a cold anger, born of old feelings she's never completely lost. _What the hell did I expect? They see me as slut girl. They always have. They never thought I was good enough for them. SHE never thought I was good enough for her. Bitch. Who the fuck was I kidding?? Why'd I even come back here anyway? So I could get insulted again? Boy I must love feeling like dog crap, cause I keep comin' back to get reminded just how much I'm not wanted._

Faith dresses hurriedly, and starts to apply makeup. She stops herself half way, noticing she's going for the ' street slut' look, and deciding… this isn't what she wants. She washes it off, and puts on minimal makeup. She stands for a moment and stares in the mirror. _Not a slut, I'm not a slut. Damn her, I don't need her fucking approval… I don't need shit from her!_

She rushes out of the bathroom, and starts towards the stairs when she notices how quiet it is . She knocks at a couple of doors, but gets no response. _Probably downstairs or out, whatever. Just kinda…eerie._

She gets downstairs, and looks around ,and the house seems empty. She goes to the kitchen, and sees no coffee's made. She opens the fridge, and gets some juice, drinking straight from the bottle. _Ok, weird. Usually somebody's here any time of the day…where'd everybody go? Maybe B organized a field trip to the mall…_ Faith grins to herself… _That'd be her idea of culture. Whatever._ She shrugs to herself, and carrying the bottle of juice with her, wanders outside into the garden.

As she wanders down the path, wondering if she's going to wait for someone to get back and grab a ride, or just walk out of here, she notices someone laying out on a lounger in the yard. They're facing away from her, so she can't quite make out who it's. But she's got a pretty good idea. She wanders over, and sees Buffy laying out on the lounger, clad in a very small bikini, large sunglasses and hat, seemingly oblivious to everything around her. _As if that were something new,_ Faith thinks. Faith, feeling a little mischievous, maybe a little angry, decides to sneak up on Buffy and give her a jolt. As quietly as she can, she approaches her, staying to her left not to cast a shadow. She raises her arms, ready to grab the diminutive slayer.

" If you're gonna sneak up on me, you're gonna have to do it a lot quieter than that" Buffy says, sitting up and turning around. A smirk crosses over her face. "Well, look who came up for air". She raises her sunglasses.

" Heya, Blondie. What's up?" Faith says, acting casual, as if she'd never sneak up on anyone," so, kinda quiet. What happened? Where's your girl scout troop?"

" Most have left for home, Faith. Now that the threat's over, they pretty much want to be getting back to their fams. The others headed into town, to do a little shopping and stuff."

Faith stands, bemused. _Get that, I guess. At least, no weepy blubbery goodbyes. Really hate that._

"Well, things end. Time to get on with life, or whatever this crap is."

"Yeah," Buffy answers, sounding a little doubtful.

" Anyway, what's you plan, B?"

"I'm thinking Europe. Never been…wanna see it, I guess. Never had the chance before."

" Wicked, B. Probably set it on fire too, huh?" Faith says, her voice edgy.

" Yeah, maybe, " Buffy says, ignoring Faith's tone, " So, we've defeated the First. What're you gonna do now, Faith? Go to Disneyland?"

Faith shrugs," I'm guessing I'm going back to prison."

Buffy gives her a strange look, " I thought you were out on parole."

" Yeah, B. The kinda parole we took when we kicked out that police car's back window. Remember that? That's how I got out, kicking out the window between in the visitor's room and hightailin' it outta that place."

" Oh, " was Buffy's rejoinder.

" Angel needed my help. I owed him. But I gotta go back now, I guess."

"Why?"

"Ummm… figuring it'll go better that way rather than wait for them to come get me. They might get all cranky that way."

" No, I mean… why go back at all."

" Convicted murderer, B. Remember? Maybe they're not liking me wandering around the streets."

" Look, Faith. It's pretty obvious you're not the same person that went to prison years back. You've cleaned up your act, I don't see why you gotta go back. No point in it."

" State thinks there's a point. They kinda like you to finish out your stay."

Buffy looks at Faith with an intense scrutiny._ She's acting like she doesn't know. That's weird. Wonder if Will told her? She must've, but Faith's acting like she's gotta go back._

"What?"

"What… what?" Buffy asks, not getting it.

" You're staring at me like I grew a third eye. What's the what, B?" Faith asks, growing suspicious.

" Nothing, " Buffy says, quickly changing the subject. "What about Willow, Faith?" Buffy asks.

" What about her?"

" Well, how's she going to feel with you going back to prison? You guys got pretty hot and heavy last few days."

" Yeah, well… thinking she's not going to be too busted up about it. She's got Kenny, after all. Be real convenient if I disappear right now."

" What kinda crap is that?" Buffy says, obviously taking offense, " Willow really cares about you!"

"Please," Faith makes a face, " she as much told me I was nothing but …"

"That's so not true!" Willow says from the path. She walks over to the slayers. " You so got it wrong, Faith."

"Red," Faith smiles. It's a cold smile, " Don't sweat it, babe. I get it. Kenny left, I was here… you had a little fun, got a little slap and tickle, a little comfort… no big."

"Faith, I don't think you know Will, " Buffy says, interrupting, " I do. She's not the casual sex type."

"Really? How would you know, B? I mean… she's changed. She's not the little geek you went to high school with. But then, you've been so busy with your own deal…"

Buffy goes quiet. She looks down, realizing she's been neglecting Willow for too long.

" Hey, lay off, Faith," Willow says, " you're mad at me, fine. Don't go attacking Buffy!"

"Oooo… so butch, I like it" Faith grins." So, whatcha gonna do, Red? Turn me into a rat…like Amy?"

" Why bother? You're already a fuzzy bitch with claws, " Buffy says.

" And we hear from the Blonde one, " Faith snickers, " what is this? Tag team put downs? Ooo, I'm scared."

" Buffy, let it alone. This is between me and Faith"

" But, Will…"

" No buts, Buffy. Just let it alone."

" Aw, Red, if Blondie wants to play, let her play, " Faith says, sarcastically, " Go ahead, B. Lay into me… sure you been jonesing to. Won't be as sharp as that knife you tried to gut me with, but I'm sure you can make it hurt, nonetheless."

" God, Faith, are you ever gonna let that go?" Buffy says, looking guilty.

" Really hard to, B, " Faith says, pulling up her shirt to reveal a jagged scar near her tummy, " when you get a daily reminder of it." She lets her shirt drop back.

For the second time, Buffy is shamed into silence. Faith is staring at her, enjoying her victory when a slap brings her back into the present.

" I said, Faith, let her alone!" Willow looks at her, intently, " You want to fight, fight with me. But let Buffy alone!"

Faith touches her cheek, and smiles. The kind of smile that chills the heart. She stands up, and being a little taller than Willow, looks down on her.

"Well, well, Red, " She grins lopsidedly. She grabs Willow and plants a kiss on her forehead, " Maybe you're just confused as to which slayer you care about" She pats Red's butt, and reaches down to grab her bag. She stands up, and gives them both a look. " Well, kiddies, it's been a hoot, but I think it's time old Faithy here got her ass back to jail, don't you?" She turns and walks off.

Willow is beyond angry. For a moment, her eyes go black. She reaches out her hand and commands:

"THICKEN"

Faith bounces off the invisible shield. She turns back to the Buffy and Willow.

" What's the deal, Red? Got some more insults for me? Maybe you wanna tell me what a crappy lover I've been?"

" Aw, just let her go, Will. If she wants to act like a brat, let her!"

"Shut up, Blondie. You don't know squat about it."

" I know what I see, Faith. I see a brat. Dawn can't equal you in brattiness."

" Buffy… could Faith and I have a moment alone, please?" Willow asks, looking at Buffy. Buffy gets a sour expression on her face.

" Geeze, I just find the perfect spot to work on my tan, and you two gotta come along and ruin it. Crap" Buffy jumps up, " I mean, haven't you had like lots of moments alone lately? I didn't ask for you to carry your fight out here… "

" Now who's being the brat, B?, " Faith smirks.

" Shut up, Faith!" Buffy snaps.

" Faith, lets go…" Willow reaches to pull on Faith, but is shaken off.

" Not goin' anywhere with you, Red."

" Buffy… please?" Willow pleads.

Buffy gets a look of disgust on her face.

"Fine. Whatever," She says," Just come out her to get a little sun, relax a little, and you two gotta ruin it. Great, just great," she turns around and heads for the house. She takes a few steps, then stops and turns around, a look of total peevishness on her face, " I wish you two would just admit you love each other and get it over with!". She turns again and stomps off.

" Wow, she's really mad," Willow says, watching Buffy storm off.

" Well, you came and ruined a perfectly good little chat we were having. What do you expect?"

" I ruined?" Willow looks angry, " What about you?"

" Doin' just fine til you showed up, all …bah" Faith turns away.

"What? All what?"

"Forget it!" Faith says, disgusted.

"No, I won't 'forget it'," Willow says, coming around in front of Faith, " What did you mean?"

" That you come down here all hurt and righteous, like you're the wronged one, " Faith says.

" I so did not!" Willow says

" You so did too!" Faith mocks.

" I just came down to try to make it up with you, and I heard you telling that to Buffy. I just wanted to explain…"

" Don't, just don't. Ok? I think you explained fine already!"

" But… but you misunderstood, Faith…" Willow says, her voice softening.

" No, Red, I got it loud and clear. You had a fight or something with Kennedy, you were hurting, and here's Faith. Sure, not saying you…" Faith stops, " What the hell? I'm not sitting her going over this again! You don't want me. Just admit it, would you? And tell Blondie that too? I'm just some … little bit of street trash you picked up to make you feel better. Well, I hope it worked, Red. Hope you're feelin' 5 by 5. I'd hate to not provide the expected service!"

" God, I can't believe how twisted up you've got it, " Willow says, growing angry, " How can you even THINK that?"

" Just a fuck, Red, that's all I was…right?" Faith says, " Sorry I … tired you out!"

" OK, I said something STUPID because I was feeling guilty and confused. God, it's like YOU'VE never made a mistake!"

" What?"

" Like, running away? And threatening my life? Oh, and then disappearing for 4 days, so I'm like worried to death!"

" So that's it? That's why … geeze, difference, Red. I just ran away cuz I was confused. You … you made me feel like trash. I never did that to you!"

" No, you just humiliated me," Willow says, sounding tired, " made me feel you hated me!"

The two stare at each other, out of words.

" Look, it was a mistake, ok? Let's just call it a bad job, and be done with it" Faith sounds weary.

" Just like that, want to quit just like that?"

"We're too different, Red. Face it. You've got you're middle class morals and stuff, and I don't. I don't fit in your life. It was a total goof to think anything could come of this. Don't you get it? We're in different worlds. So just go back to your scoobies, and your friends, and Kennedy, and I'll just… go back to what I gotta do." She turns away from Willow.

" That's what you want, then?" Willow asks.

Faith doesn't look at her. She looks far away.

" Yeah, that's what I want."

Willow looks at Faith's back, her face seeming to collapse. She looks on the edge of tears, but she's not going to cry. Not here. Not where Faith can see her. She almost reaches out, wanting just to hold Faith, to tell her how much she loves her, what Faith means to her. Her anger and pride act like a wall. She lets her arms drop, and turns away, walking quickly towards the house.

Faith stands there, turned away, not moving. It's almost as if she's made of stone. It's as if the very life has been sucked out of her, and she's nothing more than a monument to herself.

Except for her hands, which clench and unclench repeatedly.

And her eyes, which overflow with tears.

* * *

Willow half stumbles, half charges into the house, her own tears fogging her visions. She wipes at her eyes angrily, hating that she's letting Faith make her cry… again!_ I hate her! I HATE HER! How can she just be so…damned cold!_ Willow goes to the kitchen, hitting the freezer. Ice cream. The cure all for broken hearts. She's hoping that that Triple mocha chocolate fudge sundae she squirreled away is still in there. She needs mega chocolaty goodness to fix this. Maybe, like about 200 gallons or so ….

_Damn. NOTHING. Not even a damned vanilla!_

The freezer is bare. Except for ice cubes. And some frozen pizza, and a TV dinner. _God, what'd they do? There was lots of ice cream in here… man, I swear they can eat like locusts._

Frustrated out of her ice-cream binge, Willow turns away, slamming the freezer door shut. She's about to run upstairs and cry her heart out, kicking herself for ever falling for someone as cold and mean and hateful as Faith. She almost doesn't see the envelope stuck under the freezer magnet with the note attached.

**_Will,_**

****

Decided to go out for awhile. Sorry I got so upset. I don't know, I guess I've just been off for awhile, my nerves seem to be like skin deep, ready to explode at any moment. Faith just came out, and started talking some stuff about going back about prison, and how you wouldn't care, and it just got to me. The way she does sometimes

_Yeah, I so know that one, _Willow commiserates.

Anyway, I didn't mean to get so… bitchy and bratty. But she gets me so crazy sometimes. I wish I knew how she gets under my skin the way she does. Really pisses me off!

****

_God, If I knew that one…._

Anyway, she was talking like she didn't know. I mean about prison. Didn't you tell her? I know you must have, I just think she's being a bitch. No big, anyway. Just gotta learn not to let her get to me!

****

Hey, this envelope was stuck in the door. It's addressed to you. Looks like Angel's writing… at least on the envelope (No, I didn't snoop!). Might be important.

Anyway, be back later, hopefully avoiding a certain dark haired slayer.

Hugs,

Buffy.

****

Willow looks at the envelope, her brow furrowed. _Wonder what Angel wants…and why didn't he just call me? Of course, might've been busy… oh man… _Willow feels the tears starting to run again, and wipes her eyes, angry with herself. _Goddamn her she's not gonna make me cry again. Yeah, right, Will. Like you're not crying now. _She stands there, letting the tears roll for a minute or ten, she's not sure how long it is . She finally goes over, grabs a tissue and dabs her eyes, and blows her nose.

She sighs, and opens the envelope. She pulls out the folded note, and reads it.

_Willow, _

_I have some matters I need to discuss with you and Faith. Please bring her along and come at your earliest convenience._

_Thanks, _

_Angel_

Willow puzzles over the cryptic message, wondering what Angel could want. Especially, why he would want her to bring Faith along. She shakes her head, and re-reads the note, trying to puzzle it out.

" Geeze, he writes like a girl!"

Willow nearly jumps out of her skin, and literally jumps a foot or so off the ground. She whirls, and there's Faith, standing right behind her. She'd been lost so much in her thoughts, she hadn't heard her. _Goddess_!

" FAITH!!! What the HELL are you doing? GODDAMMIT!!" Willow shouts at Faith, her fright replaced by anger, " Are you TRYING to kill me? You nearly gave me a heart attack!" Willow's voice becomes high pitched and wheezy, her body trying to stabilize after her fright. " it isn't enough you just ripped out my heart, you wanna…."

Then she looks at Faith, really looks at her. Faith is standing opposite her, shoulders slumped, her cocky fuck- the- world attitude gone. Her face is blotchy, and her eyes are puffy and red from crying, her mascara doing trails down her cheeks. Her patented smirk is replaced by a frown, her lower lip trembling. All of a sudden she doesn't look like a powerful, strong woman who can kill monsters; she looks like a seven year old girl trapped in a woman's body, scared out of her mind.

" Faith?" Willow says softly, confused.

"I… I… oh god, Red. I'm so fucking sorry, " Faith says, starting to shake. " I… I know I've been putting you through hell, and I don't know why. All I know is I feel this something I… I don't understand it, but it's wonderful…and it's scaring me to death. I don't know any of this love junk… but … I only know I… well, I thought you were wanting me to go away… that you didn't want me, and didn't know how to tell me…and that you loved Kennedy… but … even if that's so, I can't help it… I love you… and it… I… shit" She starts to cry, her trembling getting worse, " I don't know what to do! I don't… I don't like this… it's scaring me… thinking of being away from you… I can't… it hurts, like a knife…do you get it? I … and then you were drawing away from me… and I thought… that you … were leaving me… it felt like someone was cutting my heart to shreds… it hurt… and I wanted to hurt back… I really did… and I couldn't… I just wanted to run away. Because you didn't love me!"

In that second, Willow knew. Her doubts, her questions were gone. Her heart was committed. She knew she'll have to face Kennedy. Tell her the truth. But that didn't matter. Because right here, right now she was facing the woman she loved…. The woman she thinks she'll love for the rest of her life.

" You moron, " Willow says, her tone soft and loving, " You total idiot, how could I love anybody but you?" She gathers Faith in her arms, and holds her tight. Faith clings to her like a child, and Willow rubs her back and head, comforting her. Willow feels more alive than she's felt… since Tara. _She's so unlike Tara, it's insane. Tara made me feel calm, and peaceful, and settled. Faith… she makes me angry, and nuts, and … God, I love her!_ " You make me crazy, do you know that?" Willow whispers in Faith's ear. She starts kissing her face. " You(kiss on forehead) drive( kiss on cheek) me(kiss on other cheek) insane!( full on kiss on lips).

They hold each other, pulling each other tighter, as if the idea of even a millimeter of space between them makes them unhappy. The kissing becomes deeper, and more intense, and soon hands are moving all over each other… clothing starts to be shed…

I think we should leave them alone for awhile.

They have a lot of making up to do…

* * *

" Great, just great. I'm following a psycho girl into a death trap. Yup, I'm the smart one, right?" Willow mutters to herself, hurrying to catch up. _How the heck did I get into this anyway?_

She stands there, watching Faith approach the entrance to Wolfram and Hart. _Aw, crap!_ She starts to run after Faith.

" Wait… wait up, I'm right behind you….darn it , Faith, WAIT!" Willow calls out as she runs towards Faith.

Faith stops, turning around, and waits for Willow to catch up. She stands, hand on hip, smirking, on the outside looking for all the world that this is just a piece of cake. Inside, her stomach is doing flip flops. Her nerves feel like they're pushing through her skin, and she's all…. _EEEEEEEEEEE!!!!_ But she knows she can't let Willow see her fear, or Willow will freak. She's already at the edge of freakydom.

" So not liking this, " Willow pants, having caught up, " Couldn't we just go for a mocha, instead?"

" C'mon, Red. Shit, they're not gonna know us. It's not like we're Angel, or Buffy or something. We're just the minor players, the sidekicks, remember? Hell, they probably don't even think we count."

"Yeah, maybe. Right now I'm thinking I'd like to keep it that way, " Willow says, a small quaver in her voice.

" It's gonna be fine, Red. Let's go," Faith says, taking her hand. She notes it's trembling too.

" You're insane… you know that, right?" Willow says.

" Yes, dear, I know. That's why you love me, " Faith says, as they walk through the doors.

They walk into the lobby of Wolfram and Hart, and as Faith predicted, they weren't swarmed by security guards (or whatever W&H uses for security). It looks like the lobby of any of 100 other successful major law firms. A large reception desk dominates one area of the space, elevators leading up to the various floors are along the walls, there are tables and lounges for sitting, along with phones and the usual decorator touches. There are even the usual security cameras scattered around the walls, and security checkpoints with guards bearing metal detecting wands situated between the reception desk and the elevators. All in all, pretty typical.

" See? Told ya, " Faith says, beginning to feel a bit more confident herself, " nothing. No demon swarms, no mystic traps… just a normal business lobby. Now we'll just…. " but at that moment she's interrupted by someone shouting at them.

" FAITH? WILLOW? OVER HERE!" a blonde woman waves at them, indicating they should go to her.

" Ummm.. guess I was wrong…someone knows us, " Faith says, starting to walk over to the waving woman, " She looks harmless enough…."

" Wait…WAIT!" Willow says, grabbing Faith's arm. " That's Harmony!"

" You know her?" Faith turns to Willow with a questioning look.

" Oh, yeah. I went to high school with her," Willow says, frowning.

" Small world, huh?" Faith grins, starting to walk towards Harmony again.

" Ummm… Faith?" Willow says, pulling her up short, " last time I saw Harmony, she tried to put the bite on me."

"Vampire?"

" Oh yeah… Spike's girlfriend for awhile."

Faith looks around at the brightly sunlit lobby. " Ummm… how come she isn't doing the pyro act then?"

" Don't know…don't care…let's just get outta here!" Willow says, her nerve breaking. She turns to run. Faith follows her.

" Hey…HEY… YOU GUYS! Aw, c'mon…don't do that!" Harmony pouts. " Hey… stop them!" She calls out to the security guards.

The security guards move as a phalanx, and surround the witch and slayer. Faith drops into a fighting position, ready to start kicking her way out. Harmony catches up to them.

" What's wrong with you guys? I just want to take you up to Angel. He's waiting for you!" Harmony says, dismissing the guards.

" Back off, Harm!" Willow says, pulling out a cross. Harmony covers her face and turns away.

" Geeze, Willow. You don't have to get personal, do you?" Harmony complains, " I'm just doing my job!"

" Your job is sucking blood. Don't mind if I want to keep mine, do you?" Willow says, pushing the cross towards Harmony.

" God, I'm off Human blood. Angel won't allow it. I just drink pigs blood these days!"

" Angel? He's here?" Faith asks, suspiciously, "What's he doing here in the enemy camp?"

"Well, duh! Where've you guys been? In a cave? Angel's the CEO of the L.A. branch of Wolfram and Hart."

Faith turns to Willow, who turns to Faith. They say it together:

" Aw, shit!"

* * *

" Here, why don't you give me that?" Harmony says, reaching for Faith's stake, " you won't need it."

"Wanna try and take it from me, Blondie?" Faith asks, pulling her hand back.

" Ok, ok, you don't have to be so…mean!" Harmony says. She turns to Willow, " is she always this touchy?"

" Only with vampires. Call it her calling, if you want," Willow says, still gripping the cross in front of her.

"God, I never thought you to be a racist, Willow, " Harmony says, sounding aggrieved, " and if you don't mind, we prefer the term Undead-Americans."

"Racist? What the hell?" Faith says, not even buying this conversation, " you vampire. Me slayer. Get it?"

" I seem to remember you trying to bite me outside the Bronze… and that's just one occasion." Willow retorts.

"Well, that was back in the bad old days, you know?" Harmony says, " I mean, I don't do that anymore. I'm Angel's Personal Assistant. We have rules here, you know."

" Oh, really? You work for Evil, Inc. and there's rules?" Faith says, barely able to keep herself from laughing out loud.

"Well.. yeah… I mean, Wolfram & Hart is a full service law firm. We do have human clients, you know. Wouldn't be seemly for the staff to go around putting the bite on the clients, would it?" Harmony says, a little pride in her voice, " and Angel is strict about the no human blood thing. We can't even go hunting… er, I mean…oh, never mind…anyway, we can't even have human blood in our off time. They have testing, you know!"

"Drug testing?" Willow asks

" No, silly, plasma testing. And there better not be any human markers… or you're outta here!"

The doors open on the elevator.

" and, you're outta here, " Harmony jokes, a little lamely. She starts walking towards her desk. " Follow me, I'll announce you're here."

Faith and Willow follow Harmony at a distance, taking in scenery.

" This place is huge!" Willow says, " You could fit like… a dozen of Angel's old offices in here."

" Yeah, gotta say he's come up in the world, " Faith agrees, looking around. She sees Willow's expression, " Well, he has… sorta."

" Not if he's turned to Angelus, he hasn't. I mean, it all seems pleasant… but we're still prisoners here."

"Well, if he's Angelus, he won't be for long, " Faith holds up the stake, " I'll dust him before he can do squat."

" Yeah, and then what, Faith?" Willow says, " We'll be toast before we can make the elevators."

" Well, we're kinda toast now, you know? At least we'll take a few with us."

" Well, that makes it all better then, doesn't it? Next time, I'm so not listening to you. Going for mochas."

" He'll be with you in a moment, " Harmony calls out to them, " He's with a client. He's almost done."

" Hey, blondie, I gotta ask you somethin', " Faith says, walking towards Harmony.

" Harmony"

" Huh?"

" My name is Harmony, not Blondie, " Harmony says, with as much dignity as she can muster.

" Uhhh… yeah, ok, whatever. I gotta know, " Faith says, pointing at the windows, " I mean, there's sunlight streaming through the windows up here, and down in the lobby. Yet, you're a vampire, and not doing the torch girl thing. How's that possible?"

"Oh… yeah, that, " Harmony smiles brightly, " Special mystical glass… sunlight coming through it is harmless to Undead- Americans."

"Really. Mystical glass," Faith says, looking at the windows, " Yet, if I break it then… poof?"

" I suppose… but then, the last guy tried to break the window? We're still finding pieces of him around here."

" Ahhh… got it" Faith grimaces.

The doors to Angel's office opens, and he appears, walking along with a rather large, blue skinned two headed demon. One head is looking at Angel, the other observing Faith and Willow.

" I assure you, you have Wolfram & Hart's full protection in this manner, " Angel is saying to the demon.

"We better, " the head facing Angel says, " One more lapse, and we're pulling our business."

" Don't worry, we've put our best legal minds on the problem." Angels assures the demon.

The head looking at Faith and Willow sniffs the air. It's brow furrows.

" I smell a slayer!" it says, turning towards Angel, " What's a slayer doing here?" The first head asks.

" Don't worry. You're under our protection. Nothing can happen to you here!" Angel says. " Anyway, she's here for a specific job… nothing to be concerned about."

" Not worried. Just don't like slayers, " The demon's head say in unison. They elongate on their necks, and stretch over to Faith, snapping at her.

" Not fond of two headed blue demons myself, " Faith says, waving her stake at the beast, " back off, demon breath."

" Who's gonna make me?" the heads laugh, moving towards Faith.

" I will, you mutant smurf!" Willow cries out. She casts a spell, causing the demon heads to twist around each other, tying their necks into a knot. " Now back off….or I tighten the knot!" To demonstrate, Willow tightens the knot just enough to hurt… but not to kill.

" Ack… ok, knock it off !" The heads cry, backing off to the body of the demon. " Great. Slayers and witches! What's this law firm coming to?" The demon, obviously pissed off, makes for the elevator. He exists, grumbling.

" Hey, guys!" Angel says, all smiles. He walks over to Faith and Willow, " sorry about that. Didn't know he had such a thing about slayers, or I would've taken him out another exit."

" Back up, Fang" Faith holds up her stake." What the hell is going on here?"

"Faith," Angel backs up, getting that slightly disconcerted grin of his, " we can talk about this. I can explain."

" Well, we'd certainly like to hear about it, mister!" Willow walks over to Angel, holding out a cross, " til then, think we'll keep the mojo on our side."

" Do you want me to get security, boss?" Harmony asks, lifting the phone. Angel shakes his head.

" No, that won't be needed, Harmony. It's ok… it's just a little shock for them." He turns to Faith and Willow, " Why don't you come into my office and I'll explain …"

" No, don't think so. Not liking small enclosed places with you right now, Angel… or is it Angelus?" Faith nods her head towards the seating in the middle of the reception room. " Why don't we talk over there?"

" Faith, I haven't lost my soul… I'm still Angel. Why does everybody think I've gone evil again?" Angel laments, thinking how hard it's been explaining this to everyone.

They walk over to the low couch and sit, Angel at one end, Faith and Willow at the other. They sit silently for awhile, just looking at each other.

" It could be that, well, let's face it Angel, you're working for Evil, Inc." Willow starts off, breaking the silence, " Kind of hard to reconcile this" she gestures around the offices, " with fighting evil. And you haven't been exactly straight with anyone about it."

Angel gets a pained look on his face, but he begins to relate the incidents leading up to Angel & Co. taking over Wolfram and Hart. Willow and Faith start out with skeptical expressions, but slowly they change to wonder, and slightly dropped jaws. Angel tells them about Jasmine, her reign, her death, and the rest, carefully editing out mention of Connor… who no longer exists in anyone's mind but his own. He finally mentions the search for Cordelia, how she'd been possessed, and had a 'mystical' pregnancy and birth, resulting in Jasmine. But she'd been hidden away( since her blood carried the seeds of defeat for Jasmine), and they couldn't find her. That, and other considerations, led Angel to accept W & H's offer of the L.A. Branch.

Faith, who wants to believe Angel, by the end is nodding along, accepting his explanation. She can see the potential he saw in fighting the darkness by using their own resources. It appeals to her sometimes twisted sense of justice.

"Wicked, Fang," Faith grins, " I gotta give it to you. Using Wolfram and Hart's own stuff against them. Kewl beanz, I gotta say."

Willow, attuned to the physical and metaphysical forces, senses that while Angel is telling the truth, he's not telling the whole truth. Something big, something important, is being left out. She also senses a … disturbance in the natural flow of energies, as if some force were controlling perceptions of the current 'reality' . She gives Angel a sidelong glance.

"There's more, isn't there, Angel?" Willow says quietly.

Angel looks up, startled. He hadn't expected that, and it threw him a little.

" There's something you can't… won't… can't… I can't quite get a fix on it… but there's something you're not telling us, isn't there?"

" I've told you everything that's important, " Angel says, evading the question deftly.

Willow looks at him, knowing that he's … well, not exactly lying, but holding something back. Something very important… but she realizes that pushing him will only cause him to retreat further, so she lets it go.

" Ok, so you've got us here, " Faith says, " not saying I'm buying your story about how you got here. Still hangin' onto the stake… just in case. But, why're we here, anyway?"

" Well, why you're here is a little more private," Angel gestures towards his office.

Faith and Willow look at each other. There is still some suspicion on their parts, but reluctantly they agree to adjourn to Angel's office. _It's not as if we could really escape anyway,_ Faith thinks, feeling a bit queasy about being here in the first place.

They're led into a large, comfortably furnished office with a large window in one wall. The other decoration is muted and tasteful; the only indications that this is not your normal Executive's office are some of the wall hangings… they are definitely of mystical origin. Angel sits behind a large oak desk, and behind him a wall is taken up with what looks like an ornate and secure cabinet. He indicates a couple of chairs for the duo to be seated in.

Faith, still on edge, perches more than sits on the chair. She is still suspecting a trap, and isn't inclined to get too comfortable. Willow, sensing something in the air, sits forward in her seat.

"There's some kind of mystical energy in the air, " Willow murmurs, her brow furrowed. " What's that about?"

Immediately Faith is on her feet, stake in hand. She starts towards Angel, who holds up a hand to restrain her.

"Would you two settle down, please?" Angel says, irritation starting to show, " I don't know what I've got to do to prove to you that I'm still ok, but I'm not on the bad guys team. The reason for the barrier is that I want this conversation to be private… totally private."

"From whom?" Faith asks, eyeing him with some caution._ Easy to say you're a good guy, prove it Fang boy._

" From them," Angel points to the ceiling.

Willow and Faith look at him quizzically.

" The senior partners. Just because they handed me this… location, doesn't mean I trust them, " Angels says, " I had a shaman come in, someone I know and trust, to create the barrier. I can release it and recast it as necessary, and it can't be penetrated, " He stands up and walks to the window, looking out, " I still think they listen in…"

" How can you be sure you can trust this 'shaman'?, " Willow asks.

" I've known him for awhile. You both probably know him. He's the same one Mayor Wilkins used to turn me 'evil' that time…."

" Oh…oh, right!" Willow says, excitedly," The one Giles introduced to his wife!"

Faith on the other hand sits in her chair, looking down, embarrassed.

Angel, seeing Faith's distress, comes over and puts his hands on Faith's shoulders. She looks up at him, obviously feeling guilty.

" Don't sweat it, Faith. That was a long time ago… you were a different person then." He smiles at her, and for the first time since she came in, a small smile plays on her lips.

"So, let's get down to business, shall we?" Angel says, changing the subject and moving around his desk. He sits, and opens a drawer in front of him. He pulls out two envelopes. He hands one to each of them.

They look at the envelopes, their names printed on the front. They open them, and find inside each a check, made out in their names. Both women's eyes go wide, with Willow doing a double take. They both look at Angel.

"What's this for?" They ask, simultaneously.

" I know you both have been kind of out of it, not really paying attention to the news, " Angel says, " if you had, you would've heard that what happened in Sunnydale was declared to be an act of terrorism. All of the survivors received compensation for their losses…"

" Hold on, boss," Faith says, " first of all, where the hell did they get THAT idea? I mean the terrorism angle?"

Angel just smiles.

" You?" Faith exclaims, "YOU?"

" Being CEO of a multi-dimensional law firm has its perks," Angel grins, " especially in the political arena. You wouldn't believe how many politicians Wolfram & Hart finances…"

" Oh, I believe it, " Faith says, cynically.

" B-B-But Angel, " Willow stutters," This is way too much. There are too many zeros at the end…"

Faith leans over and looks at Willow's check. Her eyes nearly pop out of her head.

" Holy shit, Red. You're rich!"

Willow just looks dumbfounded.

"Well, from what I understand, Willow, your parents owned quite a few properties in Sunnydale. That's why your check is so large," Angel smiles. He enjoys playing Santa Claus.

" Ummm… Angel? What's the deal?" Faith waves her envelope, " I mean, sure, I lost some clothes and stuff, but … nothing like this amount"

"Actually, that's Buffy's doing, " Angel says, " She also received a large amount, and figured you might … well, she figured you might need a new start in life. So she shared part of hers with you."

Faith is stunned. She never would've thought Buffy would do something like this for her. She's totally confused… she's not used to casual generosity. She shakes her head, and starts to hand the envelope back to Angel.

"I … I can't accept this, " Faith says, " It's… not right."

" I think you should, Faith, " Angel says, quietly, " I know for a fact that Buffy would be really upset if you don't…"

Faith still shoves the envelope towards Angel, " Look, thank B for me, ok? I mean… I understand what she's trying to do, and I'm grateful and all, but considering where I'm going, I won't be needing this any time soon…"

"Where you're going?" Angel looks puzzled.

" Prison, remember? I mean, it's been a hoot and a half, but vacation's over. I'm gonna turn myself in when we're done here…" She addresses Willow, " sorry, Red, I shoulda told you…"

Angel and Willow looked stunned, but Angel looks a little angry, and Willow a lot guilty.

" You didn't tell her?" Angel's voice is stern.

" Ooops, " Willow blushes, " with everything going on, I forgot?" She starts looking for that rock to hide under.

" Tell me? Tell me what?" Faith says, her calm belied by her fists clenching and unclenching. _Now what the fuck surprise do they got for me? _

Angel casts another " I can't believe this" look at Willow.

" While you were missing… I had the some of the lawyers review your case. To put it simply, with time served, and your actions in that little matter with Angel Investigations, and how you helped quell the terrorist threat in Sunnydale, you've been granted a Pardon by the Governor."

"Eh?" Faith is staggered.

" Ummm… you're free, Faith, you don't have to go back to prison," Willow says, moving away from Faith…not wanting to be in her path when she explodes. _Ok, Will, that's gotta be the dumbest thing you've EVER done in your life._

Faith just sits in her chair, not saying anything, not doing anything. Then she starts to laugh. Just a guffaw or two to begin with, but it builds. Soon, she's cackling and laughing like crazy, leaning back in her chair.

Aw, crap. I know, this should be the best news of my life. It would be. But I was counting on being in prison not to have to face The Grandmother. Shit! Hee hee hee… you gotta admit, the irony is just beautiful… hee, hee, hee… I'm free, but I've gone from the frying pan, straight into the fires of hell… it's just too much…

She looks at Angel and Willow, and seeing their worried looks, just starts to laugh harder. She can't stop. She just laughs…

And laughs.

And laughs.

* * *

Faith finally laughs herself out. All the stress and tension of the last two weeks seem to have been expunged, and she feels more relaxed than she can ever remember being. Her side hurts, she's having a hell of a time breathing( they finally brought her a bag to breath into), and her eyes are wet from tearing… but she's feeling great.

Angel and Willow, however, are looking at her as if she's finally gone around the bend. Willow sits by her, but is very nervous, and Angel has called security for back-up, in case she has gone bonkers. Considering her strength and training, a prudent idea.

" I'm ok, I'm ok!" She gasps, filling her lungs, " I know, I look crazy, but I'm really not… honest guys, you can call off the watchdogs now." She waves at the security guards standing at the ready.

Angel nods at the security force, and they leave, still watching Faith carefully. Out of impulse, she stands up and blows them a kiss. Angel and Willow exchange a glance.

"What the hell was that about?" Willow looks at Faith, a panoply of emotions parading across her face.

"Sorry, really sorry, guys, " Faith looks at both of them, " but you just don't have the days it would take for me to explain the trouble I've gotten myself not going back to prison. Prison would be a cakewalk next to what I've gotta do now."

Willow and Angel exchange another glance, and Angel hovers his finger over a button. Willow shakes her head, no, indicating it's ok.

"Well, whatever you're talking about, Faith, I'm hoping that it won't be… ummm… so consuming that you can't work on a little favor I need to ask of you" Angel looks at both the women.

"Favor?" Willow asks, growing suspicious again.

" I have something I need delivered to a … certain party. Normally, I'd use the normal courier from here," Angel pauses, " But this is strictly hush – hush, and I … I need someone I can trust to get it there." Angel looks at the ceiling again, briefly, " someone who won't tell … certain people… about it."

"I gotcha, boss," Faith says, glancing briefly at the ceiling, " You don't want them to know about it."

"That's right, "Angel agrees, " they might not be too happy about it."

" Well, no big. Just book me a flight and…."

" No, can't do that. The problem is I suspect they know what's going on. They just can't prove it, or they'd be on me like white on rice. So, they're going to be watching flights and normal transportation for a courier."

"Ok, no big. We can figure something else out… but sounds like a solo job to me. Don't think we need Red involved…"

" Faith, if the senior partners get wind of what's going on, they're not just going to come at you physically," Angel says, " I'm thinking you're going to need a little back-up… mystical wise. And besides, two people might throw them off … they won't be expecting me to send two people…"

" Ok, now I'm nervous, " Faith says, " exactly what're you having us carry?"

" I really can't tell you that, Faith. If you don't know, you can't tell, even accidentally,"

"So, we're back to secrets again, Angel?" Willow looks at him perturbed.

" Please… I wouldn't ask, except it's important. And I need two people with power enough to protect themselves, and that I can trust."

" I dunno… " Willow says, worried.

" A lot of lives are depending on this, Willow. Please, " Angel begs, " I wouldn't ask otherwise."

Faith and Willow exchange a look.

" Alright, Angel, we'll do it, " Faith says, " Not liking this one bit, don't like being in the dark… but …"

" Believe me, it's safer this way."

"Ok, you said something about we can't use normal transportation. So, what? How do we get there…" Faith says.

" And exactly where IS there?" Willow asks.

"Normally, I'd give you one of the company cars," Angel, seeing Faith's sour expression, explains, " trust me, they're not your generic green two door sedans."

" But we don't get to use them?"

"No, can't risk someone 'inside' blabbing to the partners, or their 'emissary'. I've arranged something else for you…"

"Something else" Faith and Willow say together. Neither thinks they like the sound of that.

"I'll show you, " Angel starts towards the elevators, indicating they should follow.

They ride down the elevator in silence. The tension in the elevator is high; neither the witch nor the slayer feeling real good about any of this. But they'll do it, because Angel asked them to. But it doesn't mean they have to be happy about it.

They reach the lower level of garages, and the door opens. Angel walks out, and gestures for them to follow. They walk around a labyrinth of parking spaces til they come to a corner spot.

Parked in the spot are two brand new Harley Davidson Sportster motorcycles. One black, one cherry red. Angel turns back to Faith and Willow.

" Whoa… Angel… totally cool" Faith grins, walking over to the black bike. She throws her leg over, and sits, feeling immediately comfortable.

Willow, on the other hand, stands frozen. She looks at the bikes, then at Angel, then back to the bikes.

" No way…. No WAY!" Willow says, backing up, " there's no way I'm riding one of those things. I could get killed. Are you nuts?" She says. She starts to walk away. " Forget this!"

"Red…hold up…RED!" Faith calls out, running after her.

" No way…I'm not getting on one of those things…." Willow looks at the bikes as if their snakes.

"Aw, Red, it'll be a blast. You and me, toolin' down the highway…think of it. Wind in your hair… no one tellin' ya what to do…"

"No" But Willow's face indicates she's thinking about it… and not negatively. " It's dangerous"

" We're not gonna be doing motor cross, honey," Faith says, getting closer, putting her arms around Willow." We'll take it slow and easy… anyway you want."

"B-B-But I don't know how …." Willow protests, weakening

" Don't worry about that, Willow, " Angel calls out, " I planned for an instructor to teach you."

" I dunno…" Willow says, temptation beginning to get her.

" Just think of how fun it'll be, " Faith says, leaning close, whispering in her ear." I know you're gonna look so hot in the leathers…." She purrs softly into Willow's ear.

"Really?" Willow is thinking about it… and beginning to like it. " You think?"

" I know," Faith breathes it into her ear. Willow is beginning to pant, just a little. She leans back into Faith.

" But… I'm kinda scared…" She whispers.

" Don't worry, baby, I'll be right there with you. And we won't be going all that far, I'm sure!"

Faith calls out to Angel.

" Hey, where do we have to go, anyway?"

"Boston"

_Aw, crap!  
_

* * *

To be continued. 


	10. Part 10

Independence By Norwalker

Part 10 of

Summary: What did Willow and Faith discuss in that little car trip from L.A. to Sunnydale in season 7? And what were the consequences? A Willow/ Faith story

Rating: R, Very R

Category: romance/drama/angst

Spoilers: Possible season 7 spoilers. Possible season 4 Angel spoilers. C'mon, you must have seen 'em by now!

Time Line: Mid season 7(after the return of Faith) and beyond

Disclaimer: Joss Whedon , Mutant Enemy and Fox own them.

**_Warnings_**: Adult themes, violence, sexual situations between

members of the same gender. **_Please be aware, character death is always a distinct possibility. It can happen here, so don't say I didn't warn you!!!_** Any racist remarks are spoken by the characters, and are in no way shared by the author. This story is not meant for children.

On the road, several days later, sundown.

Faith leans over her handlebars, giving the bike more throttle as she and Willow speed down the desert highway. The air has a crisp, dry scent to it, the sun is rapidly sinking into the western horizon behind them. The desert breeze has turned cool, and threatens to be a bit chilly soon. Faith feels the wind on her face, having put up her visor because of the approaching darkness. Her eyes follow the beam of her bike's headlight, and it gives her a sense of endlessness, rushing into the unknown which lay just beyond the reach of her bike's light. It's freedom, like no other. She should be happy.

But she's not. She's sulking a little. Ok, she's sulking a lot. She's more than a little jealous at just how good a rider Willow has turned out to be. It's not like Faith herself was any slouch. Though she hasn't had formal training before, she has… borrowed a couple of bikes in her time, and has learned how to ride. So, of course, she should have an advantage in handling the bike, have a better feel for the machine, and be better at it. Right?

It didn't work out that way. Once Willow got over her reluctance to get on the two wheeled machine, she had an almost uncanny affinity for it. Almost as if bike and girl were one. It's that kind of affinity you'll see in horse and rider… as if they can read each other's mind, know each other's thoughts. It was like that. As if she didn't even NEED instruction; the trainer merely told her what to do, and she did it. But more, there was a sense of balance, a sense of oneness Faith simply couldn't match. It irked her.

Feeling the motor rumble between her thighs, motoring down the highway, Faith is talking to herself.

"But she's so good at it," She says, her tone sarcastic, " I've never seen anybody so attuned to a bike before". " Oh, you're good too, Faith, excellent… but she's remarkable…phenomenal." " It's not fair!" Faith grumbles to herself, " I'm the one who's ridden before, I'm the rebel, the hard ass. But she just comes along and goes " La, la, la, la, la … and just blows me out of the water. And she gets all excited about it, acting like she was born on a bike or something. Red, who I had to practically superglue to the seat the first time because she kept hopping off, not wanting to stay on. Now she's all bad and tough and all…except, where the hell did she get those leathers? Pink, for god's sake! How girly can you get? I'm surprised she didn't just throw on her 'hello, kitty' sweater! Bah, it's all just dumb, " Faith mutters, going silent. _Jealous much, Faith? Shut UP. I'm not jealous… just, well … geeze, I should really be good at this, but she makes me seem like…nothing. Uh-huh … you just don't like the fact that she's better at something that you think you should be tops in. You just want her all weak and kitteny and looking up at you and saying " My Hero!". You're pathetic ... that's so not true. Really? Then why're you so upset about this? Face it, you just think that if she's better in some things, she won't need you, and she'll dump you! That's a crock! Maybe, but that's what you believe I don't. Just shut up and go away!_

"Faith!!"

"What!??!" Faith yells, startled. She briefly loses control of the bike, but steadies herself. " What? Who… Red? Is that you?"

"Well, yeah. Who else can talk to you this way?"

" God, I wish you wouldn't do that… it's spooky, "

" Faith, you don't need to …"

" … talk? Yeah, I know, but it's weird enough this talking to you in my head. I mean… weird, and just a little .. intrudery, you know?"

" Intrudery?" Willow giggles, " You're beginning to sound like me now "

" Ok, how about… 'it fucking bugs me, and I don't like it?' It's creepy!"

" Faith!" Willow sounds hurt, " I … geeze… I can't talk to you normal like. Not like in a car or something. And I don't know where you are! How'm I supposed to talk to you? What do you want me to do?"

" Oh, I dunno, stop, flag me down, something…" Faith feels bad. She didn't mean to hurt Willow, " look, it's just…well, my mind is like private space. It's kinda like… well, walking in and watching someone have sex. It's private…you know?"

" You think I'm reading your mind? I wouldn't do that… even if I could. God, Faith…" Willow really sounds hurt now, " Are you hiding something from me?"

" No… just… well, not all thoughts are sunshine and puppy dogs, ya know? I guess you don't see how it can be kinda … weird. It comes natural to you."

" Is this about the training, Faith? Are you still upset about that? "

" What the hell are you talking about? I'm not upset!"

" Uh-huh. Right. You weren't all pouty girl , right? I was just imagining that?"

" Guess so. It was no big to me, you know? Who cares? "

" Ummm… you? "

" That's a crock. Especially coming from you. I mean, I had to practically tie you to that bike the first time, so you wouldn't bolt. Then, when you're teacher's pet it's like " Oh, look how good I am" and all that stuff. Geeze…"

" That's what you think? That I'm all swell-headed over this? I don't give a rats patootie about riding. I just had to learn so we could do this thing for Angel. Why's it bugging you so?"

" Have you been listening at all? Not bugged, ok?"

" Yeah, right. Whatever. Won't bug ya no more!"

" Aw, c'mon Red, don't be that way!"

There's only silence as an answer. _Good one, Faith. You went and got her angry. Two days out and she's already pissed at you… and you gotta admit, this is your fault. You've been acting like a baby._ She throttles the engine, trying to catch up to Willow, hoping a little crawling and eating crow will smooth things over.

" Why're you being such a meanie to me?"

" Red? Willow? Is that you?"

" No, you dope. It's God!" Willow's tone is sulky and sarcastic, " Of course it's me. Why're you being such a poop?"

" I dunno…"

" Do you even think I care about this? I'm only doing it cuz I saw how jazzed you got when you saw the bikes. Me? I'd rather be driving a car. But I thought this would make you happy… and I just wanted to be closer to you, do something you'd like… you know? Shoot, my thighs hurt, my butt's all tingly, and I'm feeling bow-legged."

" Ah, man, I'm sorry, Red… what's lower than a bug?"

" Huh? lower than a bug? "

" Well, that's pretty much how I'm feeling now, being such a …what'd you call me? A poop head meanie?"

" Aw, baby, I don't want you to feel bad. That's really not the point. I just want you to let me know if something bugs you, is all. Cuz I don't want you upset or miserable. I'm sorry that I just got it so quick. I really only wanted to be good enough to keep up with you. You're the natural, ya know? I mean, I can see how you love these things … and I gotta admit it's kinda cool just riding along… all outlawy and all… our own girl gang." Willow giggles, "and I'm lovin' how you look in your leathers. Mmmm, hot , hot, hot baby."

" I'm guessin' your guessin' how stupid I'm feeling right now?"

" Well, duh! You really should feel pretty stupid… I'm thinking, 7.5 on the stupid-o-meter! If it weren't for that hot body and cute ass of yours, I'm not even sure I'd keep you around! "

"So, you only love me for the way I look then?"

" Did I say 7.5? I meant 9.5 ! "

" So, you don't like the way I look, then?" Faith teases.

" Ok, are you TRYING to break the stupid-o-meter? Just get your butt up here, now! I wanna show you something "

" Ok, don't get mad… but where's here?"

" Stop your bike "

Faith pulls over to the side of the road.

" Ok, look to your right "

Faith looks, and sees a twinkling light. It comes at her, circles around her head and settles in front of her

"What the hell…?" Faith bats at the little light, but it just darts out and comes back.

" That's me… or maybe… it's not me. It's a little thing me and Tara used to use to find each other. It's a guiding spell. Just ask it to bring you to me, and you'll be lead here "

" Ummm … Red? How do I know Tinkerbell here won't lead me like into gorge or a wash or something. I mean, it can float… I can't…"

" Please, Faith, stop being so difficult, 'K? It's going to be fine, just trust me! "

" Alright, Red " Faith can't help wondering what the hell she's getting herself into. _Where have I heard THAT before, huh?_

" Good, then just tell it to find me, and follow the light "

Faith feels foolish. She looks at the dancing light in front of her, and trying her best not to start laughing, says:

" Find Willow"

The little light starts to circle around, and zooms off out into the desert. Faith rolls her eyes, but kick starts her bike and follows after it. _I'm an idiot. I'm a moron. I following Tinkerbell into hell, grinning like an idiot!_ The light weaves and bobs, moving zig zag on it's course. Faith curses at the switchbacking she's having to do, but the light keeps going along… never getting too close… _The thing knows I'm gonna whack it if it does_ … and never too far away. After 30 minutes of this, Faith is beginning to believe Willow is playing a joke on her.

" Willow, can you 'hear' me?"

"Well, yeah, especially when you shout! "

"Not shouting, also not enjoying your little joke!"

" Stop being a baby. Geeze, you're almost there "

" How the hell did you get so far ahead of me?"

" la de da de da de da. Not telling "

" You cheated! You used magic"

Faith feels something nibbling on her ear.

" Stop that!"

" But it's so much fun " Willow giggles

Faith feels fingers caressing her neck

"DAMMIT. Stop that! You're gonna make me crash!"

"Whatta party poop!" Willow giggles

" Yeah, it's a party poop to wanna get there alive. I'm just such a drag!"

"_ I _didn't say it "

Faith sees an outcropping of rock rising above the desert floor. Her lights flash against something metal, and she realizes it's Willow's bike. The little Tinkerbell light is waiting by it. She pulls over and parks her bike next to Willow's. Once she hops off, the light takes off, up the switchback trail of the rock outcropping. Faith, getting more annoyed by the minute, follows the dancing light up the trail, muttering things best not repeated here. The light shoots through a little V shaped opening in the wall of stone, and Faith follows it through.

" Ok, Red, what's so damned fascinating you drag me out here…"

Faith stops, and blinks her eyes.

Willow is standing on a slightly elevated floor of rock, her hands reaching to the sky… and what a sky it is . Faith is stunned, because it appears a million stars are shining brightly above Willow, giving the little stone mesa an otherworldly glow. Willow is standing in the center of the mesa, her arms extended above her head. She is looking at Faith, and has a huge smile on her face. She starts to move around, excitedly, almost dancing under the stars.

" Have you ever seen anything more beautiful?" Willow says, her face turned skyward.

Faith, seeing how the starlight and moonlight is playing on Willow's hair and eyes and body, is entranced. She looks like an elfin princess._ No, baby, I've never seen anything more beautiful._

Faith just stands there, watching Willow dance under the stars. She didn't think she could love this petite red-headed witch any more than she did, but she was wrong. Her heart was full of love and joy, just watching her.

Willow dances over to Faith, and takes her arm, pulling her along with her. Faith feels strangely awkward and shy, but follows… she can't help it, she's under love's spell. She feels Willow's arm slip around her waist, and her hand slip into hers.

"Dance with me, " Willow says, softly, leaning in close to Faith.

"There's no music," Faith says, protesting weakly, but knowing she would do anything Willow asked of her.

"Shhh. Listen to your heart" Willow says, laying her head on Faith's shoulder.

And the strains of music flow around Faith, as if by some spiritual orchestra were playing some lyrical waltz, just for the two of them. She feels herself dancing with Willow, moving with an unearthly grace. Faith feels Willow's warm body pressed against hers, her breath lightly caressing her cheek. The stars themselves seem to move, becoming more and more indistinct, and leaving long trails of light. She feels as if she's floating; then realizes she is.

"W-What?" Faith says, feeling a touch panicky realizing they floated high in the air.

" Shhh… It's magic" Willow purrs, and looks into Faith's eyes.

Faith sees the stars shining in Willow's eyes, and they seem to grow, until that's all she can see… Willow's soft green eyes encompassing her, holding her, soothing her. She feels the soft touch of Willow's lips on hers, and they are lost in a sweet, loving kiss.

As they spin slowly around and around in the air, lost in their own special magic.

* * *

Much later that evening

Faith snuggles deeper into the sleeping bag she rescued from the back of her bike after their little dance. She thinks about the soft kisses and warm caresses, the tender way they made love under the stars. Willow's body against hers, the way she felt and tasted and sounded. So incredibly sweet the way Willow kissed her and touched her and blew her mind in the sweetest, longest orgasm she can ever remember having. The way Willow cried out her name when she used her tongue to bring Willow to sweet insanity. She reaches out to draw the sexy witch closer to her, because just feeling her body next to hers makes Faith feel so secure…

Faith's eyes fly open when she realizes Willow isn't there. She sits up, and her heart calms a little when she sees her sitting a little off, covered in a blanket. Curious, she starts to get up, then slides right back down when she realizes it's FREEZING out there. She grabs at her clothes, dressing under the cover of the bag. Feeling a little less like an ice cube, she walks over to where Willow is sitting, wrapped in a blanket.

" Hey, " Faith says, sitting next Willow. " Missed you!"

"Hey, baby," Willow says, turning to Faith. She has a slightly sad expression on her face.

"What's wrong, Red?" Faith says, reaching out to touch Willow's cheek.

"It's nothing, " Willow says, unconsciously rubbing her cheek against Faith's hand, " just thinking."

"What about?"

" Just stuff, " Willow says, falling silent.

Faith puts her arm around Willow's shoulders, and Willow leans against her. They don't speak for awhile, just sharing the moment together.

" The bad stuff, honey?" Faith asks softly, breaking the silence.

" Yeah, " Willow replies, her voice low and sounding flat.

" Wanna talk about it?"

" I've talked about it til I'm blue in the face… doesn't seem to help."

" Ok, baby, it's ok. We don't have to. Just want you to know I'm here if you want to."

" I know"

They sit in silence awhile, not talking, just holding each other, and looking at the stars. Willow reaches out and touches her fingers to Faith's cheek, and Faith looks into Willow's worried eyes.

" It's just… I'm so scared, " Willow murmurs." It's so close, " She takes Faith's hand, and puts it over her heart." Here, I can feel the darkness here, always seeming to watch me, waiting for a way to get out."

" I know… sometimes, when I get mad, I can feel it … it's like it's sitting behind my ear, urging me on, " Faith voice quavers, " Telling me to do really violent things… tempting me."

" Oh, honey, " Willow says, snuggling closer, " you seem to … well, I gotta say, you seem so strong, so in control…I mean… I've seen you provoked, and you hold yourself in, taking it… walking away."

"It's hard, sometimes… sometimes I almost give in. Remember that argument Kenny and I had back in SunnyD? How she accused me of … killing those girls?"

" She was just angry and jealous, Faith, " Willow sighs, " I guess, seeing how it all worked out, she had reason."

" How'd she take it?"

Willow is silent.

"Red?"

" I… I couldn't do it by phone, Faith. I haven't told her yet."

" RED!"

" Faith, c'mon, I gotta do it in person. She lives in Boston… I plan on seeing her and telling her then."

"Red…Willow," Faith feels a little shaky, " Look, if you're not sure… if you need more time… I'll understand…"_ Liar, liar, liar!_

" You dope! I know who I love," Willow says, giving her an ' I can't believe you just said that' look, " I just owe it to her to do it in person."

" I'll go with"

" No way… it's going to be hard enough without you there, baby "

" Red, I don't like the idea of you going alone. I mean, she's got slayer stuff now… she could be dangerous."

" She won't hurt me, " Willow says, " She can't hurt me. You know that!"

" Still, I don't like it…."

" Faith, enough, ok? I can do this! Just don't press it, ok?"

" Ok, " Faith mutters, sounding a little hurt. Willow reaches out and rubs the back of her neck.

" Don't get pouty on me, honey. You protect me and support me in so many ways it's silly, " Willow leans over and kisses her cheek, " Just, this is something I gotta do alone."

"How'd we get to talking about Kenny anyway?" Faith asks.

" You were talking about that argument you had with her in Sunnydale."

" Oh, yeah. I walked away from that…but it was hard. Real hard. The beast reared up in me. For a brief second I flashed on snapping her neck."

" Faith!"

"Well, I did… or gutting her with my knife"

"FAITH!"

" I'm sorry, I was… I was just trying to show you how that … beast… still lives in me… it's still there, pushing and pushing…"

" I know… it's like, it lies to you. Promises to make things all better, if you'll only let it out, let it take over… it scares me Faith. I'm so afraid I'll give in sometime…"

" Shhh…it's ok. We take it one day at a time honey, fight it one day at a time. We'll do this, get through it."

" I wish I could believe that," Willow looks at Faith, " every time I think about it, what I've done… it scares me… and it tempts me… it's…goddess, I don't ever want to go there again, but every time I use magic… I feel the pull …I see the darkness in front of me… and all that power… and sometimes I just want to give into it, feel it… because for all the bad it was… I never felt unsure…"

" I know, baby, it makes you feel powerful. Free. You don't have to think, or worry… it's all clear… that's what you think… but it's really just…shit, I don't know…" Faith shakes her head, " all I know is how terrible it felt after awhile… like you are you anymore… do you know what I mean?" Willow nods," That's the thing, it steals you. It devours you and there's nothing left. Nothing but the darkness."

" Does it ever get any better?" Willow's face looks bleak.

" Yeah… no… yeah… I mean, every day I fight it, it's less. It's not as strong, not just waiting around the corner… but it's not gone… not yet… I don't know if it'll ever be gone."

Willow sighs, " You're not making with the big hopefuls here, Faith". She leans heavily against Faith, and is silent for awhile. They're uneasy, as if something is there with them, flitting in the shadows, watching, and waiting.

" You were right, you know, " Willow finally breaks the silence.

" What?"

" When you said I got away with murder," Willow says her voice distant and sad.

" Oh," Faith says, hanging her head, " Red I was angry… upset… I wanted to hurt you. Really hurt you," She looks at Willow, " Guess I did… god, I'm a moron."

" No, that isn't what I meant" Willow turned to her, putting her hands on Faith's face, " I just meant… you were right… I never had to do what you did… pay for my …." She lets go of Faith's face and turns away. She can't look at her.

Faith reaches out and cover's Willow's hand with hers. " You didn't 'get away with murder' Red. I was way wrong about that. You're paying every day… you watched someone you loved die, you killed that… monster … that did it, and yet you're paying every day for it. It's a lot worse for you… I didn't know the people I killed… you did… even so, it took me a long time to get over killing someone… you're not even close yet. You're carrying your 'prison' with you every day, in your heart."

" How'm I ever gonna be forgiven if…"

" Shhh…first, Red, you gotta forgive yourself. The rest'll come."

Willow just sat there, looking small. Faith moved over, and put her arm around her, not saying anything else. There wasn't anything else she could say. The words were too easy. They wouldn't heal Willow, only time would. The best Faith could do was to just let Willow know she was here, would always be here for her.

They huddled together in the early morning chill, their bodies seeking warmth and comfort. They watched as the sky began to lose its inky darkness, the first rays of the sun beginning to light the horizon. For that moment they had each other, and that's all they needed.

And as they watched the stars fade, and the new day dawn, other eyes watched them.

* * *

They continued on their journey, the desert mountains and valleys giving way to the smooth and level terrain of the Great Plains. They stopped at here and there to rest, usually at out of the way small motels… Angel had warned them away from staying in cities; he wanted them to move as unobserved as possible. Angel had given them cash for expenses, he didn't want a paper trail following them. Stealth was the key to success.

Faith finds her spirit becoming as flat as the countryside around her. Mile after mile of sameness is getting to her; after 3 days of traveling through this monotony, she begins to wonder if she hasn't died and gone to hell. The only thing breaking up the sameness is the occasional house, or barn, or clump of trees by the road. Now and then they travel through a small town, mostly consisting of a gas station, grocery store and a few shops. Otherwise, it's flat land stretching in all directions; farmland from horizon to horizon. Some people would find it comforting and solid; Faith finds it boring, and more than a little disturbing.

Even the people seem to have a grayness about them. When they would stop for provisions or at a motel, the people seem to have a stolid acceptance of their lot. They aren't much for talking, not that Faith is one to chat, either. But whatever they lack in conversational skills they more than make up for in a dour, distrustful nature. Two women, riding motorcycles in leathers raises more eyebrows than smiles out here. By mutual silent consent, Willow and Faith decide to 'dress down' a bit, stashing the leathers and wearing jeans and simple blouses._ Wouldn't help the stealthiness much if we stick out like sore thumbs._

Faith can't shake a feeling they were being watched. _It's stupid, of course. I'm watchin' out for anyone looking suspicious, like they don't belong… besides us, that is. But I got this creepy feeling that someone is tagging us, just biding their time. Just because I'm paranoid doesn't mean their not after me… us… aw crap, next I'm gonna be seeing bogeymen in the corn fields. God, I'll be glad to be done with this crap…_

At that moment, Faith feels her rear tire blow, and all of a sudden she's fighting not to become an accident statistic. Her bike if fishtailing and she's fighting not to go down… at least, not out of control. She eases off the throttle, counter-steering with the direction of the slide…and very gently easing the brake on…not pulling, but just trying to slow it down. She gets it down to 5 mph, when she feels the bike sliding out from under her. She manages to push herself off and somehow doesn't fall with the bike. She is standing there , shaken and sore, when she hears Willow's bike roaring behind her. She turns, and runs back up the road, waving her off the road… in case. Willow brings her bike over to the side, parking it. She hops off and runs up to Faith, looking a little scared.

Faith is kneeling in the road, picking something up off it. Her brow is furrowed, and she looks angry and puzzled.

" Well, damn me, no wonder I nearly fucking took a header. What the hell is this doing here?" Faith says, holding up what she found.

" What is that?" Willow says, coming closer.

" It's a tack strip, " Faith says, " It's used by cops to blow out tires on suspect's car. What the hell?"

" Well, " The voice comes calling out from the stand of trees by the road, " It's also got other uses". He raises his rifle and points it at Faith, " Kinda good for stoppin' tourists, I find." His partner emerges from the trees, also carrying a gun.

The two men stand by the side of the road, holding the rifles on Faith and Willow. One is tall, lean, with dirty blonde hair and seems to have forgotten what the use of a razor is for. The other, shorter, more husky, has black hair and a full blown beard. Both look mean, and more than a little crazy.

" Well, looky what we got here, " The blonde man says, moving over towards the two women, " A couple of girly girls out for a little ride on their motorcycles. So, cutie, what's your name?" He pushes the barrel of the rifle into Faith, jabbing her for emphasis.

"Rotura di Faccia di Morte"

"Now, aint that pretty. What is that, Italian?"

" mmm hmmm" Faith murmurs, all the time sussing out the situation, seeing where each of the men is standing.

" Can we just get their money and stuff and get going, you idiot?" the shorter man, sensing something wrong, is growing nervous.

" Oh, c'mon. She's such a pretty little thing. Thinking maybe we can have fun AND profit outta this," the taller blonde man replies.

" Let's just get their money and go" The shorter man says.

" No sense of adventure, that's your problem, you jackass, " The blonde man says. He turns to Faith. " So, what does that mean in English… your name?" He smiles, barrel of his rifle relaxed and pointing down.

" Pain in the Face of Death" Faith says, as she grabs the barrel of the gun , wrenching it out of the blonde man's hands, and jamming the butt into his jaw. He falls like a tree.

The other man, startled, turns his gun towards Faith. Willow says a small spell, and cries out " Incindere" The shorter man's hair catches on fire.

"SHIT!" he screams, dropping his gun as he bats at his head, trying to put out the fire. Faith, in one swift move, does a roundhouse kick on him, connecting with his side, knocking him off his feet. She kicks him in the face, rendering him unconscious. She puts out what remains of his hair.

" Well, that was just… stupid" Faith says, looking at the two lying on the ground.

" Yeah, not the sharpest knives in the drawer, " Willow says, " So, what're we gonna do with them?"

Faith just gets an evil smile on her face. Willow looks at her, not sure if she's happy about that expression. Faith grabs the first of the robbers and starts stripping him.

About fifteen minutes later, she's done. She's stripped both of the robbers naked, and tearing their clothes to shreds, has tied them to trees facing the highway. As an added bonus, she's gagged them using their underwear. Getting her lipstick from her pack, on one's chest she's written " Butthead" and on the other she's written, "Butthead Fucker". She steps back to admire her work.

" So, whattya think?" Faith says, turning to Willow.

Willow just giggles, and turns away.

The two start to wake up, and realizing they've been bound, they struggle and try to cry out, only to find themselves gagged. Faith walks up to them, holding their rifles.

" Now, boys, you've been bad. Tsk, tsk, tsk, " Faith mocks them. She grabs the rifles, and in turn, bends the barrels into curves. The two men just look at her wide eyed. " You might really want to think about getting into some other line of work. As highwaymen? You stink!"

Faith takes one of the guns, and reversing it, hits each of the men with the stock across their knees. They scream through their gags. " Just a reminder. That's for my bike." Faith says, and walks off to join Willow.

"Well, I'm pretty fucked," Faith says, walking back towards her bike. She lifts the bike up, and lets out a string of curses.

" How bad is it?" Willow asks, riding up on her bike.

" There's a hole in the gas tank, and the back wheel is all bent to hell. The chain's fucked… and the frame looks bent up. Not even sure it's gonna ever go right again." Faith just looks disgusted." Shit!" She kicks the bike, which falls over. She stands there, hands on hips. " Damn".

"Hey, c'mon, Faith. We'll ride into town, have someone come out and pick it up. See if it can be fixed"

Faith looks sadly at her bike. She walks over, and retrieves her pack. She on back of Willow's bike. They take off, heading for the next town.

" I didn't know you spoke Italian, " Willow says, over her shoulder

" Si , caro , IO parlare il lingua di passione e amore" Faith replies, hugging close to Willow. " IO bisogno verso bacio tu dolce seni , e fare tuo capezzolo duro bisogno verso leccata tuo dolce piccolo sesso fino a tu venire. Mmm , IO amore il via tu gusto , bambina. "

"What did you say?" Willow asks. When Faith translates, she turns a deep shade of red." God, that's nasty!" She giggles, " but l like when you do it too."

The bike disappears around the bend.

A car emerges from behind the stand of trees where the two 'robbers' are tied up. It stops before them, and the driver gets out. He is a tall man, dark hair and eyes. His mouth is thin lipped, and at the moment, the corners are cast down. He walks to the men tied up at the trees, and their eyes and actions indicate he is familiar to them. He pulls out a knife, and for a brief moment, they believe he is going to free them. Then he takes the knife, and slashes it across both of their throats, and they go limp, blood pouring from the gashes.

The man takes a handkerchief from his pocket , and wipes the knife. He casually drops the handkerchief at the feet of the dying men. He walks back to his car, and pulls a cell phone from his pocket. He dials a number.

" Yes sir, it's done. They've been 'delayed' as you ordered. No… I don't think they can make it now for at least an additional day… more likely two… Yes, they've been dealt with. No problem. It's all settled… very well, I'm on it sir… yes… not to worry…Yes sir, I'm on it. Goodbye, sir."

The man gets in his car, and heads up the highway the same direction Faith and Willow took.

* * *

Faith lays in the bed, a smile playing at the corners of her mouth. Her bike is wrecked, it's going to take two days to fix. Normally, Faith would be climbing the walls, angry and petulant and nervous. But Willow managed to calm her down in the best way possible. That of course being the reason for Faith's smile. She rolls over on the spot where Willow slept, and takes a deep breath. She loves her smell; it's addicting, and Faith is totally the Willow junkie. It's still warm from her body. She snuggles in , and is drifting between wakefulness and sleep when she hears the shower go on. Another evil smirk comes to her lips, and she jumps out of the bed, naked, and runs to the bathroom.

" Hey, morning sleepy-head. How are…. Faith, what're you doing? That's cheating… mmmmm… baby, I really need to… oh… goddesssssss… my oh my… uhhhhhhhhh … Faith… that's just wicked! … Oh yessss….nooo… uhhh … baby please… oh… oh- oh- oh! Uhhh… harder, baby…yes, right THERE!!!! No… no… don't you dare! Don't you… Ooo ooo… yesssssssss… mmmm mmmmm… sooo nice… uhhhhhhhhh… oh….oh…OH….OH MY …. I…. Oh, Faith, … oh Goddesssss… YEESSSSSSSSSSSSS….. I … love….yoouuuuuuuuuu….aaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh"

There is a brief silence where only the shower is heard. Then there are soft moans heard, this time in Faith's voice. The moans get louder, and throatier, as Willow gets more aggressive. Finally there is one long groan followed by a scream… of pure joy. Followed by more moans… and then some silence….

A few hours later finds the witch and slayer in bed again, all sweaty and somewhat goofy. They are kissing and giggling and touching each other like kids, more playful than sexual.

" Well, that was a fine waste of a shower, " Willow mockingly complains, " I mean, I got all stinkied up again."

" Mmmm… love you stinky, stinky!" Faith says, sniffing her and licking her. Her hands start to wander over Willow's skin.

" Oh, baby, please… no… I'm tired… " Willow protests, " you're killing me with horniness, you … animal."

Faith growls and purrs… and rubs up against Willow. Willow squeals a little.

" Ok, ok, I'll be good… for a few minutes, anyway, " Faith half pouts, half jokes." Spoilsport!"

" Honey, I love you to death, but remember, _I_ don't have slayer's strength," Willow giggles, " Anyway, I need to talk to you about something, and every time you come at me, I forget everything but what you're doing to me."

" Ok," Faith says, pulling her close and snuggling up to her, " talk to me."

" Well, since we're down anyway, with the bike needing repair, I was thinking, " Willow starts, " my grandmother lives real close to here…. only a few miles up the road."

" Your grandmother?" Faith asks, feeling a queasiness in her stomach.

" Yes, she lives in Anderson, just up the road. I thought maybe… well, I haven't seen her in a long time…"

" Oh, I get it. Sure. Go ahead, baby, " Faith says, " I'll still be here when you get back."

" No, you don't get it, honey. I want you to meet her, " Willow says, " I mean… well, she kind of special to me, I spent a few summers with her when I was young. And, kind wanting…ok, I want to show you off…"

" Gee, Red, I dunno…" Faith sounds dubious, " I'm not exactly the girl you take home to meet the fam, ya know?"

" Oh , that's just poop," Willow says, " I'm proud of you, I want my Grammy to know you."

" Not real good impressing the fam, honey" Faith replies, " they usually think I'm bad news."

" Grammy won't, " Willow says. She starts to play with Faith's breast, " c'mon baby, please?"

" ummm… that's not helping me think, " Faith says, and a little sigh escapes her… a happy sigh.

" Please? Please, please, please?" Willow starts rubbing her thumb over Faith's nipple. Faith begins to whimper a little.

" Ok, ok, you win… you she devil !" Faith moans, " I'll go…"

" That's a good girl, " Willow says, as she leans in to kiss Faith's hardened nipple. Faith lets out a deep, contented sigh.

God, I'm such a pushover… but when she starts touching me… it's all over….

Faith just lays back and lets Willow work her magic.

* * *

"Are you trying to be stunt girl?" Faith grumbles at Willow, as she clings tight to her while Willow takes a tight turn onto Cherry street.

"Aren't you having fun, baby?" Willow asks, straightening the bike as they rumble down the tree lined street.

" Just wish you'd take the turns a little slower, Red, "

" When did you become all Safety girl? Geeze, I'd expect this of Buffy, but not you!"

"Yeah, well, I guess losing my stomach when you took that off ramp at 80 mph kinda did it to me."

" Was not going 80!"

" Red, I can see the speedometer over your shoulder… you were doing 80."

" Was not. It was 78"

" Oh yeah, that's so much better."

" Yeah, well, I've seen you do some pretty crazy stuff!" Willow pouts.

" Not when I'm riding duo."

" I don't think it's my riding at all. You've been grouchy ever since we left. I'm beginning to think you don't want to meet my Grammy at all."

"That's not true, Red" Faith lies." Just wish you'd be a little more careful."

" Hmmmphfff" Willow looks around, " Well, we're almost there, so you can chill out now"

Faith feels the butterflies in her stomach turn into dragons. Ever since Willow conned her into coming, she's been having a minor case of the wiggins, and now that they're here, they've blown up into a total wig. She's not ready for this, and it's making her more than a little edgy. This was important to her; she wanted to make a good impression on Willow's grandmother. She knew Willow would still love her, even if her grandmother was less than impressed. But she didn't want to put her in that position. She loved her, wanted her to be happy. Making her grandmother unhappy wasn't something Faith cared to do.

She was careful in how she dressed. She put on her most conservative clothes, and refrained from all but the most minimal of makeup. She pulled her hair back into a ponytail, and only wore her leather jacket and helmet because of the ride. She didn't wanted Willow's 'grammy' to think she was some wild girl that was a bad influence on her granddaughter. So, of course, when Willow put on her pink leathers with the large Rose on the jacket, Faith felt her heart hit her stomach. _Oh, just great. Now she's gonna know I'm like trouble… look at the way she's dressed. Dammit, Red, aren't you thinkin' at all?_ But Faith didn't say anything, she just plastered a big grin on her face so Willow wouldn't know she was anxious.

The ride to grandma's house had been… an experience. Faith had to admit that Willow just was a natural at riding. She seemed to flow with the bike, shifting her weight just perfectly when needed, keeping a good balance. She was so in tune with it, she did things that even Faith might think twice about. A couple of turns she took moved Faith's heart from her stomach to the throat. Still, she knew she had to be composed when they arrived, so for the most part she just gritted her teeth and took it. But that turn on Cherry street, which nearly laid them and the bike on the ground just pushed her a bit far. As they rode down toward their destination, Faith took a couple of deep breaths and repeated to herself _It's going to be ok, this is all going to be just fine! _Maybe if she said it enough times, she'd actually believe it.

Willow pulls into a driveway and stops the bike. Faith hops off, and stands, looking at the house. It's a colonial revival with an extended porch, not too large but definitely having a 'homey' feel to it. On the porch is a small woman with red hair(_Well, now I know where she gets it_), a straight back and a very large smile on her face. Faith figures she must be in her mid-sixties, at least, but she looks a lot younger… and a lot like Willow. The woman starts down the stairs, and Faith is nearly bowled over by a pink blur that brushes by her and runs towards the older woman.

"Grammy!!!" Willow calls out, running to the woman and embracing her, planting a warm kiss on her cheek. She moves back and gives her grandmother the once over. " I don't know how you do it, Grammy, but you look younger every time I see you!"

" You're such a big liar, Willow … But I love you for it" Her grandmother hugs her and gives her a good look. " Gee, darling, you're awfully… pink!"

" You like?" Willow models her leathers for her Grammy, " Goes with the bike, don't you think?"

" You mean, that's yours? This, from the girl that I had to hold onto the seat of a two-wheeler just so she'd learn to ride it?"

Faith overhears this and can't help but chuckle. Sarah Weis, Willow's "Grammy", turns towards her. Faith bites on her lip, realizing she's intruded on a private moment.

"Well, who's this?" Sarah says, walking over to Faith, " is this the friend you said you were bringing along?"

" Oh, gosh, where's my head?" Willow says.

" Still on your shoulders, darling. So, introduce me?" Sarah says, turning towards her granddaughter.

" Grammy, this is Faith. Faith, this is my Grammy, Sarah Weis"

"Hello, Mrs. Weis, I'm very pleased to meet you, " Faith says, with perfect diction and a slight hint of her Bostonian accent. She extends her hand towards Sarah.

Willow looks at Faith as if she just swallowed the Oxford-English dictionary… all ten volumes. She's never heard Faith use her ' proper ' voice before, and it's a bit of a shock. Faith just smiles brightly at her.

" And so well mannered. I'm impressed, Willow. Most young people these days are… well, rude." Sarah says, taking Faith's hand, " I'm very pleased to make your acquaintance, Ms. … ummm… I didn't get your last name?"

" DeMarco, ma'am, " Faith says, smiling, " Faith DeMarco."

It's revelations day for poor Willow. Again, something she didn't know about Faith. She's beginning to realize there may be a lot she doesn't know about Faith.

" So, how long have you known my lil spitfire here?" Sarah asks. Willow blushes. That's her Grammy's old nickname for her, because she used to stutter and had a small lisp when she was much younger.

Faith picks up on Willow's blush._ Lil spitfire, huh? Hmmmm._

"Well, actually, ma'am, we've been acquainted for nearly 4 years… but we had a bit of a falling out… we just got re-acquainted a few months ago."

Sarah nods, giving Faith a once over. Faith, for her part, is sweating bullets inside._ She's gonna see right through me, gonna see what I really am and call me on it._ Faith stands, looking cool, feeling uneasy, just waiting for the axe to fall.

But it doesn't come, " Well, I'm glad you two made it up then.," Sarah smiles warmly at Faith, " Come inside, dears, I made some lunch for us. I hope your hungry." She starts for the house, while Willow and Faith exchange a look. Willow is still trying to figure out who this woman is, and where she stashed Faith. Faith, for her part, is a little hesitant, because she just isn't used to being accepted right off. Sarah gets to the front door, and looks back. Seeing the girls still in the yard, she calls out.

" Hurry up, girls. Lunch will get cold, and you need to freshen up after your … ummm…ride?" She smiles, and goes in.

"What the heck was that?" Willow asks, taking Faith by the arm, " When did _you_ graduate Ms. Bellham's School for proper young ladies?"

"Geeze, Red, don't have a cow, " Faith smiles, " Just thought it right to speak to your Grammy respectful, you know?"

"Ok, but you sounded like a debutante. Just what's the deal, Faith?"

" No 'deal' Red, I just wanna make a good impression."

"What? As some prim and proper little debutante, Faith?" Willow asks," My Grammy isn't a fool, you know!"

" Never thought she was, Red."

" This isn't gonna work, you know"

" Chill, Red, " Faiths says, " Maybe there's more to me than you know."

Faith goes up the porch stairs, and into the house.

_Maybe there is,_ Willow thinks, as she follows.

* * *

The three have a very pleasant lunch together, talking about this and that. Willow, after her initial shock, is quite pleased with how well it's going; her Grammy seems quite taken with Faith. This really pleases her, because she's quite close to her Grammy, and she wants them to get along. Faith, for her part, is more than holding her own, pouring on the charm, being witty at just the right moments. Willow is beginning to relax. This is going much better than she'd hoped.

" That was a wonderful meal, Mrs. Weis, " Faith says, " best I've had in a long while."

" Well, thank you Faith. It's always good to see someone with a healthy appetite. So many girls these days seem to eat like canaries, " Sarah says, looking pointedly at her granddaughter.

" Aw, Grammy," Willow says, blushing, " Faith's very athletic. She burns it off in no time."

" Really? What do you do for a living, Faith?"

" I… teach self-defense" Faith says, stammering just a little, and shooting a look at Willow. _How the hell can I tell her I slay demons for a living… if you can call it that._

" I thought you worked for that nice Mr. Angel Willow told me about?" Sarah turns to her granddaughter for confirmation.

" Oh… yes… well, only part time… I kind of work for him part time," Faith covers. _Grrr. Red, you are in so much trouble!_

" Yes, that's why we're out here now, matter of fact. We're supposed to…." Willow fades off when she sees the look on Faith's face.

" We're supposed to do a little confidential investigating for Angel. For his client. In Boston. We're not supposed to talk about it, " Faith gives Willow the pointed look this time.

" How exciting!" Sarah says, " I never would've thought my lil spitfire would turn out to be a PI."

" I'm not, Grammy… I just kind of … help with the computer stuff…"

" Not that exciting, Mrs. Weis, just mostly looking up records and such."

" Still, I would think it would be exciting. Well, even so…" She pauses, then a concerned look comes over her face. " Oh, dear… I forgot dessert."

" Oh, no. No need, couldn't eat another thing, " Faith protests.

"No, that's silly. I forgot to pick it up in the excitement of seeing my Willow again, " Sarah says, " Willow, dear, could you run down to the corner… Hanson's Bakery? Pick up three of the napoleons?" She turns to Faith, " you've got to try these… they're simply wonderful."

"Sure, Grammy, no problem" Willow says, getting up from the table.

" I could get those, Mrs. Weis, " Faith says, also standing.

" No, no, dear, you're a guest, " Sarah says, " Go along now, Willow. No need to take your … motorcycle. It's just at the corner… you remember?"

" Of course, Grammy. Not a moron, " Willow smiles. " I'll be back in a few." She bends over, and gives her grandmother a kiss. She leaves, and a few moments later, the front door is heard closing.

Sarah gets up and starts to clear the table. Faith gets up and starts to help.

" Let me give you a hand with this," Faith offers, picking up plates. Sarah smiles at her, but takes the dishes out of her hands.

" No dear, you're company. Just sit, I'll be right back."

Faith sits at the table, looking at the tablecloth. Her confidence of just 5 minutes ago is beginning to fade, and she's beginning to smell a set up. _Whoa, Faith. Just hold on … don't get weird now. Don't know what this is about, but just keep calm…_

"That's better now, " Sarah says, coming back from the kitchen and sitting down, " There now. What say you and I have a little chat, Faith?"

"Sure, Mrs. Weis."

"Sarah, please, dear. We're all friends here."

" Uh, ok, Mrs. … er … Sarah, " Faith says, her throat suddenly feeling rather dry.

" I just want to talk to you without Willow being here. I love my granddaughter dearly, but sometimes she can be so… well, stubborn. And I know she thinks her Grammy is a little foolish."

" No, ma'am, I can assure you, she doesn't think you as foolish"

" I just want to know what the situation is between you and Willow."

" Situation?" Faith looks puzzled. " Oh, do you mean… we're friends, ma'am."

"Friends?" Sarah looks at her intently, " see, dear, now you've made the mistake of thinking me foolish."

" No, ma'am, not at all…"

" Please, Faith. I know I'm getting up there, but I'm not blind, dear. I see the way you look at Willow. So again, dear… what's the situation between you and Willow?"

Faith panics. She doesn't know what Sarah knows about Willow. But she obviously has read Faith's feelings pretty clearly.

" I… I … love her, " Faith stutters out, not sure how Sarah's going to take it.

"Yes, dear, I believe you do, " Sarah pats her hand. " How does Willow feel about you?"

Faith looks down at the tablecloth. " That's not for me to tell you, ma'am"

"Pretty obvious you loving her… trying to protect her," Sarah smiles at Faith, " I know she's gay, dear."

" Oh… I didn't know… she didn't tell me if you knew or not…" Faith explains, " I… hope she feels like I do… that she loves me… "

" Well, I can reassure you on that, dear. She's been beaming ever since she got here. She's very proud of you, for some reason, and I can tell she pretty much adores you."

Faith smiles shyly. She looks up at Sarah, and her smile widens. " I know she pretty much adores you too, Sarah. I know she thinks the world of you." She looks at Sarah's kind expression, and she continues, her smile fading, " I have to tell you something , though. Because I'm beginning to like you, and I feel it's only right."

"What is it, dear?" Sarah says, " I'm listening."

" I'm just hoping you won't boot me out of here after, is all, " Faith says, slipping back a little into her street talk," But it's the right thing to do, so I guess… just go for it, huh?" She looks at Sarah, who nods. " Ok, then… boy, this isn't easy…ummm… you remember how I said I'd met Willow 4 years ago?"

" Yes, Faith, I remember."

"Uh, before I go on… I have to ask you something."

" Go ahead."

" How much has Willow told you about her life in Sunnydale? I mean, as it concerns Buffy Summers?"

" You mean that Buffy is the vampire slayer? She's told me about her, " Sarah says, seeing the expression on Faith's face, she goes on, " We're very close, Willow and I."

" I guess so, seeing she told you that… did she tell you about me, then?" Sarah shakes her head, "Damn, I kind of wish she had. I'm a slayer, too…" she looks at Sarah for a reaction. " There's a lot of them now, but back there were only two of us… Buffy and me. Ummm… how do I put this?" She sighs, " Buffy was the 'good' one, and I was kinda…ok, I was the wild one. I mean, I wasn't really bad… not at first… just kinda doing my own thing… get it?"

" Yes, I think I do"

" I came to Sunnydale because … well, my own watcher got killed, and I was running from a big bad Daddy vampire… kinda hiding out… you know? And well, he tracked me, and Buffy… the good one? She helped me kill him… so I stuck in SunnyD . You know, doing the slayer thing, patrolling, trying to be the good little slayer. It was going ok, I mean… there were some things, but hey… that happens everywhere, am I right?" She looks to Sarah, who nods, " But one day, it all kinda went to hell…"

" What happened, Faith? "

" Oh god, this is the really hard part. I'm really liking you, and I love your granddaughter. I don't … ok, ok, … shoot… I killed someone" Faith looks down at the table, feeling ashamed again." I didn't mean to, honest. It was an accident… but I did it…"

Sarah squeezes Faith's hand. " Go on, dear… it's ok"

" No, it's not ok, " Faith says, " I got scared, I ran… I tried to blame Buffy for it. But they knew what the what was. I… I thought they were gonna turn me in, you know? I… well, everything just kinda went bad after that. I joined the bad guys, and worked for them. Did some more killings… mostly bad guys anyway, don't mind that so much… though, believe me I know it was wrong… but there were a few… I still have nightmares about it…" Faith stops to ask a question, " Did she tell you about Mayor Wilkins? And his ascension?" Sarah nods again." The night before the ascension was to take place, I got in a fight with Buffy. To make it brief, she …well, she stabbed me, and I fell from the roof of my apartment house, and went into a coma…" Faith's voice gets a hard edge to it, " I woke up 8 months later, really … angry. I tried to get revenge on Buffy and Co." She looks at Sarah, whose face is concerned, but impassive, " But, I wanna make this clear… I never hurt Red…er… Willow… never…ok?" Sarah nods, not saying a word, " Ok, well… that kinda blew up in my face…let's just let it go at that. I ran again, to L.A. … where I tried to kill Angel…" She's looking at the table again, afraid to look up.

" That man that you work for?" Sarah asks. Faith nods." Oh, I see"

"It's gotta be the biggest irony in the world, " Faith muses, " because, I try to kill him? And he helps me… brings me back… get it? I like… owe him my life." She sighs, deeply , "Anyway, he convinced me… I had to pay for what I'd done… So, for like most of the last 4 years, I've been in prison. I just got out a few months ago…" Faith decides to end it there. She figures that Sarah doesn't need to know about the breakout, and Willow and Angel covering it up… doesn't want to get Willow in Dutch with her grandmother." We kinda got thrown together in that thing that happened in Sunnydale… and, well… I guess that's when I kinda fell for your granddaughter."

" I see" Sarah looks concerned, and has a small frown on her face.

" Look, ma'am… I understand if you … I … there's no good here, is there? I get it though. I don't blame you. I wouldn't want my granddaughter with someone like me." Faith stands, " Um… I know Willow respects you, and loves you… and I wouldn't want to do anything to mess that up. I love her, and I'd never hurt her… not intentionally… but I understand if you don't want me here anymore. I'll leave as soon as Willow gets back… or , hey… there's a phone… If I can use it, I'll call a cab…" she heads for the phone.

" Sit down, Faith, " Sarah says, firmly.

" Ma'am? I … "

" Sit down, Faith, " Sarah repeats. It's not a request.

" Ok, ma'am" Faith sits

" I'm glad you told me this, Faith, I really am," Sarah says, quietly, " I knew most of it already, but I'm glad you were honest with me."

" You knew?" Faith looks at her, suspiciously, " Did Willow tell you?"

" No, she didn't, " Sarah says. She catches Faith's expression, " it's the truth, Faith. She never told me about you… but I have other means to keep an eye out for her. She's my only granddaughter, Faith, and I love her dearly. I'm rather protective of her… some say too much so." Sarah is thinking of her daughter, Sheila. " I don't want to see her hurt. I was a little concerned, I admit, when she told me she was bringing you by today. I didn't know what to expect, " Sarah pauses, " I have to say, you're much better than I expected."

" I don't get it?" Faith is puzzled.

" Frankly, I expected you to be a lot… less honest, and maybe just a little bit …how would Willow put it? 'Tudinal', I think… you know… have this big attitude thing going? But you came here, and you made a real effort to be polite … I admit, I'm old fashioned that way… and there's no question, with everything you did, that you love my granddaughter. I especially appreciate your honesty with me. You didn't have to do that, I would've accepted you anyway, because Willow cares about you. I trust my granddaughter's judgment. Most of the time, anyway."

" I'm not going to lie and say I'm happy about your past, Faith. I'm not. You did some pretty bad things. But you paid the price, took your punishment, " Sarah says, " Oh, and I know about the break-out and how Willow … well, she kind of gave you a pardon… but see? That just convinces me you'd protect her, no matter what… whatever it cost you. And I think I like that. I know I like seeing my granddaughter happy again. She hasn't been this happy in awhile… not since she lost Tara," Sarah smiles, " No, don't like what you did. Not at all. But you were young, and scared, and made some really bad choices. You've paid for it… so I think we should start with a clean slate. What do you think?"

Faith would speak, but she's crying. Sarah comes over, and gives her a hug, and a shoulder to cry on. Faith gets herself under control.

" I think I see why Willow loves her Grammy so much now."

" Oh, now you stop that, or we're both going to be all weepy."

" Thank you" Faith says quietly

" Is it safe to come in now?" Willow calls out from the front room.

Faith looks up, startled.

" How long have you been in there?" She calls out to Willow.

" Oh, I heard a lot of it," Willow says, coming into the dining room. " The napoleons are a signal. When Grammy asks me to go get them, I know she wants to have a talk with whoever I brought home." Willow goes to the hutch, and takes out three desert plates, and some forks.

Faith looks at Willow, then at Sarah. She gets that patented little smirk on her face.

" You two are pretty sneaky, you know?"

" Uh-huh" Willow says, placing a napoleon on each plate.

" Are there any other little signals I should know about?" She looks sideways at Willow.

Willow puts the napoleon and fork down before Faith.

" Now, Faith, just be quiet dear, and eat your dessert, " Sarah says, starting on her own.

* * *

To be continued. 


	11. Part 11

Independence

By Norwalker

Part 11 of

Summary: What did Willow and Faith discuss in that little car trip from L.A. to Sunnydale in season 7? And what were the consequences? A Willow/ Faith story

Rating: R, Very R

Category: romance/drama/angst

Spoilers: Possible season 7 spoilers. Possible season 4 Angel spoilers. C'mon, you must have seen 'em by now!

Time Line: Mid season 7(after the return of Faith) and beyond

Disclaimer: Joss Whedon , Mutant Enemy and Fox own them.

Warnings: Adult themes, violence, sexual situations between members of the same gender. **_Please be aware, character death is always a distinct possibility_**. It can happen here, so don't say I didn't warn you!!! Any racist remarks are spoken by the characters, and are in no way shared by the author. This story is not meant for children.  


* * *

Auburn, MA. Night

On a warm, humid night in Auburn, Massachusetts, Faith finds herself walking down a relatively deserted road. She looks up into the sky and sees the moon, but few stars. After the panoply of stars in the desert, it looks lonely. Sort of how she's feeling right now. _So, go back to the hotel, snuggle in Red's arms, and feel better. What's your deal, Faith?_ She can't go back, not right now. she has too much to think about. Thinking and Willow's arms don't go together.

She feels worse, because she had to lie to Willow to be here right now.

" A walk? I'd love to go for a walk, " Willow sounds jazzed, " it's a warm night, beautiful time for a walk."

" No, Red, honey, I need to take a walk by myself, " Faith says.

"Alone?" Willow sounds a little hurt, " You don't want me to go with?"

Faith feels the tiny knife in her heart hearing the hurt in Willow's voice.

" No, sweetie, that's not it at all, " Faith smiles, " It's just… I need some think time… there's some things I need to think about."

" I'll be quiet, " Willow says," quieter than a mouse. I won't say anything. I just want to be with you."

" Red, I love you madly. That's the problem, " Faith says, truthfully enough, " When I'm with you, even if you're quiet, I can't seem to think of anything but you."

Willow blushes prettily, then holds out her arms and waves her hands, indicating she wants Faith to come to her.

" What?" Faith asks, complying

" Hug, need hug now!" Willow says, taking Faith in her arms and hugging her tightly. Faith laughs, she can't help it. Willow just does these wonderfully sweet and cute thing sometimes.

" Honey, what's wrong?" Willow says softly as she holds Faith, " you know you can tell me anything."

Faith wants to. She wants to tell her badly. Having secrets from Willow … hurts. It's never been like this for her before. As she looks into the soft green eyes in her lover's face, she wants to tell her it all… but she can't . She swore she'd keep this secret, and she can't go back on that.

" It's all a jumble up her, baby, " Faith says, pointing to her head, " I can't tell you cuz I don't have it straight in my mind. Do you get that? That's why I need to take the walk. Not even sure that'll help, but I guess I gotta try."

" Is this about your grandmother, Faith?" Willow asks. She looks steadily into Faith's dark, deep eyes.

Faith looks into those eyes, those eyes which look at her with such love and trust. She looks into them, never wanting to see hurt there, not that she caused, nor pain, nor distrust. She looks right into those eyes, and lies.

" Yeah… " Faith says, quietly, " still freaked about seeing her. Gotta get my mind wrapped around it."

" It's gonna be ok, sweetie, " Willow says , holding Faith and rubbing her back, " it's gonna fine. You'll see."

" You don't know the Grandmother, Willow, " Faith says, " she's not cool like your grammy. She's… different". _That's gotta be the biggest understatement of the century, _Faith thinks to herself.

" How's she different? I don't get you, " Willow says, " is she like from mars? Or has 3 eyes? or something like that?"

" No, crazy girl. She… we've never been close, the Grandmother and me…it's really…" Faith shivers. Thoughts of the grandmother do that to her.

" Shhh… there, there, " Willow comforts her. " I don't get it, Faith. Why do you call her that, anyway?"

" Call her what?"

"_ The _Grandmother. Like she's a thing, not a person."

" I call her that because the only way I can address her is as " Grandmother" Never Grandma. She's never encouraged…affection between us, " Faith laughs," I'm guessing that's because I'm like the bad seed of the family, the rebel. She's very… proper."

" But you want affection from her, is that right? You crave her love and approval?" Willow asks.

" Gee, Dr. Phil, let's not go there, what say?" Faith says, wanting to get off the subject.

" I'm really not trying to psychoanalyze you, Faith, " Willow says, " I'm just trying to understand."

" What's the big here, Red?" Faith says, growing irritated, " she hates me, ok? She can barely stand to be in the same room with me. She blames me for my mother hating her, and that's just the way things are. I don't even know why she wants to see me now, Red. Frankly, it makes no sense. But that's what I gotta do, cuz she made it a stipulation for loaning me some money. Frankly, I'd rather not… but no choice. Ok? Clear now?"

" That doesn't make sense, Faith. Why would you're grandmother blame you for your mom's feelings?"

" Don't be dense, Red," Faith says, fully irritated by now.

" Hey. How is me not understanding making me dense?" Willow is getting annoyed.

" I'm a bastard, Red, get it?" Faith sees Willow's blank expression, " I'm illegitimate, girlfriend. Daddums knocked up Mummy without getting a piece of paper saying their married. Getting clearer? No? Well, I know in the rest of the country, having a child out of wedlock is no biggie. Nobody, or almost nobody, gives a rat's ass. But that's not the case in Boston Society. Not amongst the Brahmins. Being born a bastard is equivalent to being a criminal. Tried and convicted for having the nerve to be born without married parents. Of course, Dear old Margaret, the Grandmother, couldn't stand for that. That's … dirty. See? So of course she cut off her daughter. Financially, emotionally, the whole nine yards. And when the money stopped coming in, Daddums took a powder. That's all he wanted outta dear old mom… her money. So, guess who mom blames for Daddums doing a Houdini? You got it, babycakes. Dear old Faith. She wanted to get rid of me…understand, Red. She wanted to abort me. I have to give the Grandmother credit. She wouldn't let that happen. She did pay for the hospitalization and my birth. But the dear old broad then adopted me out… no bastard child would stain her doorstep. Uh-uh. That worked just dandy, except I was sickly as a baby, and my loving adoptive parents 'returned' me like a defective radio or something. So for the next five or six years I was at the tender mercies of Child Welfare. Hoo boy, was that fun. Passed from one set of Foster Care parents to another, until finally just dumped in a group home because, I guess I was trouble even then. No one wanted a sickly child. I stayed in the group home a couple of years, until I was like 8 or so. Then the Grandmother, either having the guilts, or something, rescued me. Oh, joy, oh joy. Back in the loving arms of the family, huh? Forget it. Boarding school. Every year, all year, except for holidays. Until I was like 13, and got sick of it, and ran away. Right into the loving, nurturing environs of Juvey Hall. Not very bright, this girl. The Grandmother got over her guilt, cuz she didn't 'rescue' me a second time. I would be on the fast track for Death row, except for my watcher. At least she wanted me. Ok, only cuz I was a potential. But she … seemed to care… at least until Kakistos…" Faith stops. The memory of that night is like a bullet in her heart. " So there it is , babycakes. Whattya think? I want Granny's love and affection? Please. The only time I even talk to her is to guilt her into giving me some cash. Got it? Clear now? That's what's wigging me, cuz I don't know what she wants from me… surely not wanting to bake me cookies. "

Willow stands open mouthed. She walks over to Faith, to hold her, but Faith just waves her off.

" No, don't EVEN do that. Not looking for your pity, Red. That's not the point. Don't you get it? I'm just trying to figure The Grandmother's angle. She's gotta have one, and it's buggin' me."

"Faith… I'm not pitying you. I'm trying to hug you. I want you to know I'm here for you, gonna be here for you, no matter what. I love you, Faith."

Then Faith, upset, says something that would later come back to haunt her. " Don't make promises, Red. Don't say things like that. People change. Things change. Don't look for forever, I don't".

"Faith, " Willow's voice is almost a whisper, " don't you trust me? Don't you know I'll stick by you? Don't you?"

" It's not trust, not about trusting you, babe, " Faith's says. She stops and looks at Willow, and her voice softens, " Every day I have you, every day I wake up and you're in my arms, every day I go to sleep with you next to me? I'm the luckiest woman alive. I love you so much, Red. More than I've ever loved anyone before. More than I'll ever love anybody after. But if you're gone tomorrow, for whatever reason, I know I gotta deal. That's what life's taught me. I don't expect anything to last…" Faith fades off.

Willow's face looks bleak. " That's harsh, Faith, " She whispers. " I think maybe you should go for awhile… take that walk…"

"Red…" Faith realizes she may have crossed a line. She walks towards Willow.

" No, go… " Willow says, crossing her arms over her chest, as if hugging herself." Please. I need some time. Go."

The last thing Faith saw before she left their room was Willow standing there, staring at the wall and hugging herself.

* * *

Faith stands still, wondering why she told Willow so much. All she had to do was tell her she wanted to figure out what to say to The Grandmother… she didn't need to go into all that stuff. The worst being, it wasn't even the real excuse for being out here.

She had to plan how she was going to pull off the second part of the mission. The part Angel hadn't told Willow about. The part Faith couldn't tell Willow about.

There was a gang of demons that ran the south side of Boston. Not in the public eye; demons don't work that way. But they had control, nonetheless. They had the support of Wolfram and Hart, and had a cushy little power base.

The leader of the gang was an M'skela demon. They are a unique demon as they can exist real time in multiple dimensions. But there is a drawback to their existence. Only one member of any 'family' can exist in a dimension at

a time. The current leader wanted to pass his leadership onto his son, and retire to another dimension. The only way that could happen is if the M'skela demon 'died' in this dimension. It's a 'ritual' death that only causes the host body in this dimension to die. Wolfram and Hart performs this 'service' for the M'skela, and in turn receive… compensation. Normally the Boston branch of W&H would handle this, but Angel requested the assignment as he would have an appropriate agent in the field. Boston agreed, and it was set. What W&H 's senior partners didn't know is that Angel had a 'surprise' for the M'skela demon.

Faith took out the weapon Angel had given her to complete the assignment. It was a double bladed ritual knife, the kind usually used for this assignment. But there was a difference. It was a blessed blade. The blade had been blessed by a powerful warlock. It changed the nature of the blade, and made it deadly to the M'skela demon in not only this dimension, but in every dimension it existed. Effectively, when the ritual was carried out, the Demon would be dead…everywhere.

"What's the deal, Angel? Why're you doing this?" Faith asked." And why me?"

" I have my reasons, Faith, " Angel said, turning his back and walking to the window, looking out over the city.

Angel indeed had his reasons. He learned that the M'skela demon had conspired with Sahjhan to kill Connor. There were a lot of things you found out when you had the resources of W&H at your command. Angel had given up a lot to ensure Connor a normal life. Including the fact that anyone beside himself remembered Connor or who he was. Including Connor himself. Angel could never see him again, he knew that. But that didn't mean he wasn't going to protect him… and as long as the M'skela demon lives, Connor might be in danger. He wouldn't allow that. And, to be honest, there was the sweetness of revenge for what they'd done to Connor and himself.

" I can't give you all the details, Faith. The thing is evil, believe me. It's done a lot of bad things in its time here on Earth. It needs to die fully ,once and for all. You've got to trust me on this." He turns from the window, and returns to his desk.

_Trust me, _Faith thinks to herself._ Why is it every time I hear that, little bells go off in her head? Alarm bells!_

"Kinda sketchy boss." Faith replies, " not being exactly expansive on the reasons here."

" I'll understand if you don't want to do this, Faith, " Angel says, just a slight note of disappointment in his voice.

" I didn't say that, Angel," Faith asserts, " I just … wish I knew more of the why's, and not always just the who's"

"There's more, Faith, " Angels says," and this is the hard part. The M'skela exists in a human host. You've got to kill the host. It looks completely human, except for a peculiar mark that identifies it as M'skela. Do you think you can do that?"

" Kill a human?" Faith blanches a little.

" It's not human Faith. The M'skela grows inside of it, and destroys its human brain functions when it takes over. Without the demon inside it, it's nothing but a shell. It can't survive without the M'skela.

" You're sure about that?" Faith asks.

" Yes"

" Ok, not so hard then" Faith breathes a little easier.

" That wasn't the hard part"

" Oh."

" This particular demon has two bodyguards that stay with it 24/7. He's enhanced them, so they need neither food nor sleep."

" Ok"

" But otherwise, they're human. They're fiercely loyal to the M'skela, and will die for him. Meaning, you'll probably have to kill them."

" Again, oh."

"If it helps any, they're totally vicious. They've killed a lot of innocent people. You're not really murdering them, but administering rough justice."

" Nice try, boss. But killing is killing, you can't dance around it."

" I understand, Faith. I'll find someone else to…"

" No, I'll do it, just don't try to sugar coat it, ok?" Faith looks at him with a hard glance.

" Ok, Faith." Angel hands her a folder, " Inside are pictures and names of the targets."

" Ok, got it." Faith looks at the pictures, and the first two she doesn't recognize. She's never heard of them before. But the third target… the name is very familiar to her. She doesn't give any clue to Angel, though, and tucks the pictures back into the folder.

" One last thing, Faith. Willow doesn't know about this, and it's to stay that way."

" Got it. Hadn't planned on involving her. Not her thing."

" She can't know anything about this. Do you understand? Not even that there's something you have to do alone. It's imperative."

" Ok, ok, Angel, take a chill pill, " Faith says, giving him a sidelong glance, " she won't know."

Faith gets a bad feeling at the pit of her stomach. _Why the super hush-hush? What's the deal?_ But, she won't call him on it… not now. She feels she owes him too much.

Faith looks up the road. She knows she has to get back soon, and try to make things up with Willow. Though Willow didn't exactly say it, Faith is aware she blew it with her big time. _Why did I tell her all that stuff. I gotta be the world's biggest idiot. Mostly, because I let her know I'm scared of losing her. I know she wouldn't hurt me, not deliberately. It's me I'm scared of. That I'm gonna do something awful, and she's gonna find out. Like this little job Angel gave me to do. What's she gonna think if she finds out I'm killing humans again? Not that they're exactly nice guys, but they are human… I shoulda told Angel to stuff it, but I couldn't. Not after what he's done for me…_

Faith pulls out the file she has tucked under her jacket. The one she keeps on her bike at all times, so Willow won't see it. She goes through the pictures , and pulls out the one she wants. She studies it carefully.

The face is unfamiliar to her. She can't recall ever having seen him. But the name… it sends little shockwaves through her. And, thinking about where she's heard of him, he roughly matches the description.

She reads the name under the picture. Paul DeMarco

Her father.

She stands there for awhile, staring intently at the picture. Then she returns it to the folder, and tucks it under her jacket.

Straightening her shoulders, she walks up the road, back to the hotel.

* * *

Willow stands hugging herself as if she was cold. The reality is, she's trying to hold herself together. She's still trying to sort out all of the stuff Faith threw at her this evening.

Faith's never talked about her family… and now I know why. Goddess, how could she understand someone loving her? She's never had anyone that loved her or wanted her. If I'd had her family … Willow shivers. With the power Willow has, she would've destroyed the world. No one would've been able to reach her. I bitch about my mom and dad never being there, but I know in their way they love me. God, to think your own mom wanted to … yikes. Willow feels sick.

But more telling was what Faith said after. About not counting on their relationship. As if she expected it to fall apart any time now. That scared Willow on more levels than she cares for.

Never mind the trust issues. Never mind how much it hurt her to think that Faith thinks she'd up and leave her. There was more there. It was almost like she was warning me… back off, don't get too close, too involved. Because I'm gonna do something to hurt you. Make you go away. What's that about? What made it so bad was that it made Willow feel helpless. She didn't know how to tell Faith that she was here for the long haul. That she'd stick by her. Willow couldn't think of anything so terrible that it would make her desert Faith. That scared her even more. That means Faith CAN think of something… and… oh. What if she's planning something? Something she's not telling me about? Something awful. And she's hinting that… oh… oh… that would explain things. Oh goddess, she's going to dump me. She's pulling away… because she's going to do something she thinks will … disgust me, and she's trying to…oh…Faith … baby… after me trying to kill everybody on the planet, what could YOU do that would disgust me? She's trying to protect me, shield me from something bad she has to do… or thinks she has to do.

Willow thinks hard, and remembers a few times she's caught Faith sneaking out and bringing something back into their room. Willow was feigning sleep, because, frankly, she loved watching the sexy woman. But Faith would look at the file, and a troubled look would come over her. Willow wanted to ask her about it; she was concerned. But the fact she went to such pains to keep it secret made Willow hesitate. She knew how touchy Faith could be, and she didn't want to push her. But now, with tonight, she's beginning to really get freaked. Whatever is making Faith this crazy has to do with that file. She's obviously hiding it, but where? Must be in her saddlebag. I gotta see what's going on. I'm gotta get a look at that file…

Willow walks towards the door. She's gone. Now would be a good time… Willow hears the key in the lock, and backs off. Crap!! She stands in the middle of the room as Faith enters.

Faith enters the room, not exactly sure what she expects. Will she still be here? Will she yell? Will she not talk to me? She sees Willow standing in the middle of the room, and she stops, close to the door.

For awhile both are silent, as if sizing the other up. They both feel the tension in the room; neither knows what to do.

Faith moves a further into the room, slowly, as if expecting attack. Willow just stands where she is, face impassive; expression unreadable. Faith finally stops about 5 feet from Willow, feeling she's come as close as she dares. She breaks off, and looks down, her hands clenched.

" I'm sorry, " Faith says, staring at the carpet.

" I'm sorry, too, Faith, " Willow says, her voice soft, not angry. " I don't know what to do."

Faith looks up. Her expression is a mixture of puzzlement and fear.

" I can't make you understand what I feel, Faith" Willow says, standing where she is." I can't force you to trust me. I can't find a way to let know that I'm here, I'm not going anywhere. I love you Faith, and for me that means not only the good times, the easy times. That means every time. All the time. Good or bad, I'm with you… because I love you. You're everything to me, my everything. If you don't see that, if you don't feel that, if you don't know that… I can't help you. There's no way for me to make you believe that it's the truth. That's up to you, Faith. No one can take the chance for you. You've gotta do it yourself." Willow turns towards the bed, and pulls down the covers, " just know, Faith, I'm going to be here 'til you say go."

Willow is unprepared, but not shocked, when a pair of strong arms encircle her. She feels the woman lean on her, not speaking, but saying everything with her body. Willow turns around, and finds Faith looking at her, with her deep dark fathomless eyes. Almost on cue their heads come together, their foreheads touching. Willow slips her arms around Faith, and their lips meet in a searching but soft kiss. When they break, they move closer and just hold each other.

Both women hope a wall has been breached, trust has flowed through the cracks. That in time, more cracks will occur, until the wall falls. But neither knows for sure, so all they can do is hold each other, and have hope.

For now that's what they have, and that has to be enough.

* * *

Later that night…

Willow listens carefully until she's absolutely sure Faith is sleeping. For a moment, she just watches the dark haired slayer sleep, and in her heart stirs all those soft feelings this hardened, no nonsense woman somehow brings out in Willow. Probably because Willow is the only one Faith lets see behind the mask.

You're good, Will, real good. You lecture her on trust, now you're gonna sneak behind her back and snoop… why don't you just ask her what's going on? At least give her a chance? But Willow knows that won't fly. By what Faith's doing, been doing, she won't be forthcoming with Willow now. She'll beat around the bush, try to divert Willow, and in the end lie. Willow knows this, and hates knowing this. Is she lying about anything else? What keeps her from being mad at Faith is that she can tell that having to lie to Willow is a lot of what's making her… crazy. She's ashamed of what she's doing… and she should be, lying to me. But, it also means she's changing, that I'm getting to her, because the Faith of even a couple of months ago? Wouldn't care. And I can be a little gentler in my ass kicking when it comes to call her on it. Maybe I can even be big about it, let her know that she can come to me with anything… Willow gives herself a little internal mental ass kicking. Buffy was right, I'm really loving this moral superiority stuff way too much.

Willow carefully picks up her clothing and heads to the bathroom to dress. Watching Faith as she emerges from the bathroom, she carefully makes her way to the door, being as quiet as humanly possible. She lets herself out, carefully and quietly closing the door.

Once outside, she heads for the parking area. As she enters the lot, she heads towards the bikes. It's kind of dark in the lot, and it's not til she's halfway across that she realizes someone is already there, looking around the bikes. She only sees an outline… she doesn't get a good look at the person.

" Hey…YOU! what're you doing around my bike?" Willow calls out, hoping to scare the person off. Much to her surprise, it works, because the thief or whatever runs off. She runs over to the bikes, and reaching into her saddlebag, pulls out a flashlight. She does a quick inspection on the bikes, but doesn't see any obvious damage. Faith knows more about these bikes… have to have her check them in the morning… great, now I gotta tell her what happened… and explain WHY I was out here. Well, here comes lie number 2… sigh, you're fast losing that moral superiority position, Willow, me girl.

Willow goes over to the side of Faith's bike, and she notes that the saddlebag has been messed with . Uh-oh. She quickly opens it, and inspects the contents… and sees the folder is still there. She lifts it out, and opens it.

She opens the file, and is disappointed. All she finds are a couple of pictures , and a piece of paper with some addresses on it. But then she notices there are names on the bottom of the pictures. One name catches her eye:

Paul DeMarco

DeMarco? Like Faith DeMarco? Maybe related to Faith?

She looks at the picture, and sees a man in his early to mid forties. Dark haired, with a rather hard, callous demeanor. But looking carefully, Willow can discern some similarities to Faith. The eyes, for one… and the mouth… like Faith he has a full, sensual mouth. She's so intent on studying the picture that she doesn't hear the someone sneak up on her, and it's not until she feels someone grab her and lift her that she knows she's not alone. Turning around, she looks into the face of the man she was studying.

" Ack" is all she gets out before the fist she sees rearing back hits her.

" HEY! LEAVE HER ALONE" Faith's voice, coming from the other end of the parking lot, startles the man. He drops Willow and runs. Willow hits the ground hard, knocking her head on the tailpipe as she goes down. She lays there, stunned and only half conscious.

Faith rushes over to Willow, and cradles her in her arms. "Baby? Are you ok? Please, Red, talk to me, honey" Faith says, her voice clearly showing her anxiety. " Please, Willow… baby?" She gently rubs Willow's face, trying to revive her.

Willow half opens her eyes, and looks at her unfocused. " Fai…Wha…?"

"Shhh… he's gone, it's ok baby."

" Him… in the picture… was him…" Willow says, starting to collect her wits.

" Picture?" Faith feels her stomach start to churn.

" In the folder…" Willow waves in the general direction of the folder, which is lying scattered on the ground.

" Don't know what you mean, baby, " Faith says, trying to cover. She lifts Willow, " C'mon, let me get you back to the room…" She starts to carry Willow back towards their room.

" No, stop. Let me down" Willow protests, wiggling in Faith's arms. She's almost recovered now, and she's not going to let Faith get away with whatever she's trying to hide. " Let me down, now!" Faith, afraid Willow will wiggle out of her arms and drop to the ground, sets her on her feet.

" Red, c'mon. You're hurt. Come back with me to the room, and I'll get some ice…"

" No, no, no!" Willow says, waving her arms to wave Faith off, " Don't try to divert me. Something's going on, something you're hiding from me, and I wanna know what the heck it is !"

"Nothing…I'm not hiding anything, " Faith lies, " You're just paranoid cuz of that guy. Probably a thief or something…" she trails off.

" Dammit, don't lie to me, Faith. I know something's going on, it's been eating at you awhile now. And it's not your grandmother, so don't try using her," Willow looks at her intently, " Who's the guy in the picture?"

"What guy? What picture? What're you talking about?"

Willow throws Faith an angry look that chills her blood, then marches over to the bike, recovering the folder. She marches back to Faith, and holds the picture out, practically sticking it in her face.

" THIS PICTURE!" Willow yells, frustrated. She calms her voice, " Who is he? Who's Paul DeMarco?"

Faith blanches. Her lips tighten, as if she's not going to speak. But then she does.

" I… it's my… I think it's my father…"

" You think? You don't know?" Willow probes.

" I never saw him… ever. The name's right, and he looks to be the right age and all… but I don't know…"

" Is that what this is about? You're trying to find your father?" Willow asks, her tone softening.

" I … I can't tell you…" Faith looks away.

" Can't tell me? Why not? I mean, are these addresses places he…" Willow for the first time, sees the Wolfram and Hart letterhead on the sheet of paper. " Angel… is he helping you find your father?"

Faith realizes she could easily lie to Willow, tell her that what this was about, and she'd be believed. It would make sense to her. But, she doesn't want to lie. She hates lying to her. It feels wrong. Like lying to herself.

But she lies to her. Again.

" I guess I shoulda told you, Red. But… I … needed to do this alone."

" Faith, I want to share everything with you. All of it. I know … what you told me… this is hard… but…I want to be there for you, baby. I want to help you."

Faith sees those eyes, those beautiful olive green eyes looking at her, the trust, the love there, and she feels like crap. But she can't go back now. Damn me to hell…and Angel!

"Honey… I don't know how he's gonna act… or what he'll do… this is something, for right now? I just gotta do myself."

" I won't get in the way… I could just…" Willow starts.

" Please, baby?"

Faith sees the hurt on Willow's face before she covers it with a bright smile. It's like someone shoved a knife in her gut. God, how can I do this to her?

" Ok, Faith. I won't push it. Try to understand though, I want to know what's bothering you. Don't hide things from me, ok? It's important to me…you're important to me."

Faith can't remember a time she's felt more like slime.

" Ok, Red. I promise" Faith puts her arm around Willow's waist, "let me help you to the room, honey. You … oh, you're getting a nasty shiner… we're gonna need some ice for that."

Willow smiles bravely, but sniffles a little bit. " Hurt now" She pouts, which just makes Faith feel even lower. Then she stops, causing Faith to come up short.

"What?"

" The man… the one who hit me?" Willow says, turning to Faith. " I think… no, I'm sure… it's the man in the picture… Paul Demarco. I think that was your father."

" You sure?" Faith asks, brows furrowed.

" Yes, I got a good look at his face… before his fist found mine," Willow smiles, then grimaces." I saw someone fooling with the bikes… I called out, and he ran… but then, when I checked things… I found the saddlebag open. I checked, and found the folder," Willow looks away, not wanting Faith to catch her in a lie. " As I was looking at the pictures, he must've returned…and punched me." She whimpers just a little bit.

" Well, that's pretty weird, " Faith says out loud. But her mind's racing. " Look, let's not worry anymore about him tonight. I got an injured girl to take care of." Impulsively, she scoops Willow up, and carries her in her arms.

"What're you doing?" Willow giggles

" Taking care of my baby," Faith smiles, carrying her back to the room.

But Faith is worried. She doesn't know how ' dad' found out about her, but she knows it's not good. I thinking maybe I wasn't so paranoid about being followed. But why? Doesn't add up. He can't know why I'm here… or who I am.

The logic doesn't persuade her, however, and she gets a queasy feeling . Something's wrong here… very wrong.

She's getting a bad, bad feeling about this.

* * *

They lay up at the hotel in Auburn for a few days while Willow's face heals .

The morning after the incident in the parking lot, Willow woke up and looked in the mirror…and nearly fainted. She looked like she'd gone a few rounds with Mike Tyson… and really, really lost. Half her face was bruised, and her eye was swollen shut. God, I'm HIDEOUS !! she mourned, frowning at the thing in the mirror. While she was inspecting the damage, a very nude Faith came up behind her and put her arms around Willow.

" Hey, baby, " Faith says, low and throaty. She kisses Willow's neck

" Nooo… don't look at me!" Willow covers her face with her hand, " I'm gross and ugly!" She tries to turn away, but Faith won't let her.

" Silly girl. You're beautiful" Faith murmurs, gently taking away Willow's hand. She turns Willow around and softly, almost like a gentle breeze, kisses the bruises on Willow's face. " You're always gorgeous to me, lover"

Willow just melts into Faith's arms. " God, I love you so much" She whispers into Faith's ear as she holds her tightly.

" I adore you, Red," Faith says, holding Willow. She does, but that doesn't stop the pangs of guilt.

" Hmmm. This is nice," Willow sighs, " but I'm all smelly girl. I need to take a shower." She gently pushes Faith away.

" I dunno, Red. You smell pretty nice to me," Faith, not wanting to really end the embrace, pulls Willow back in.

Willow pulls back from Faith, crossing her arms over her chest, " Faith, I really feel kinda funky. I need a shower… it'll make me feel better." Her whole body language is saying ' I don't want to be touched right now'. Faith, picking it up, backs off.

" 'K" , Faith replies softly. She looks around the room for her robe, " Damn, I'm such a slob. Where'd I put that robe of mine?"

" Faith, don't be…"

" No, I'm good Red, " Faith says, finding her robe and drawing it around her, " Go take your shower. I'll wait."

After that, Faith kept a small distance from Willow. She was solicitous and friendly, and attended to Willow's needs while she got better, but there was a definite something coming between them. Willow sensed this, and cursed herself. Damn, why'd I have to get all Nancy Drew? If I hadn't gone snooping, this wouldn't have happened. She appreciated all the attention Faith gave her. In some ways, she was loving it. But she felt that little chill between them, and wished she just kept her nose in her own business.

For her part, Faith felt a huge amount of guilt. She had trouble dealing with the fact she put Willow in real danger, and couldn't, or wouldn't, tell her the situation. She was carrying the burden of having lied twice to her, and she was hating herself for doing it. Right, and if you told her the truth, do you think that'd make her happy? Or even keep her safe? You know she would want to be there with you, in harms way. Oh, and how're you gonna explain to her when you might have to kill your father? Think that's gonna go well with her? That last thought really shook her. Kill my father. She didn't know the man… he'd left before she was born. It wasn't like there was anything between them. But … it still made her feel a little sick. Why the hell is this bothering me? God, we're strangers. He never wanted to know me. Not like I haven't killed before. I gotta do this. I owe Angel. That was bothering her, too. Angel knew what she had been through. He'd been instrumental in getting her to change, to go to jail to pay for her crimes. Yet, he was sending her on this mission. Essentially an assassination, just like she'd done for Richard Wilkins.

It didn't make sense to her. Why me? He knows I've been there before. Why'd he choose me to do this? Is it some kind of test? Seeing if I've really changed? From what he told me and showed me, these aren't exactly boy scouts. They've all been involved in some pretty vicious crimes, including murder. Never been caught, and their crimes can't be proven. So it's kinda like justice… But it just still didn't all add up. Angel didn't add up. He's different, she could see that. Something had changed him, and not for the better. I know what he told me, about taking over Wolfram and Hart's L.A. office. He thought he could really use the resources to make a difference… but maybe… it's making a difference in him. She was beginning to get bad feelings about all of this. She needed someone to talk to. She so wanted to tell Willow, but every time she looked at her, she saw what involving her cost. She was afraid it'd be worse, a lot worse, if she got her in the middle of it. She kept it to herself, but it was eating at her.

By the end of the third day, nerves were stretched tight. The tension kept building, and since neither would really talk about what was bothering them, they both got edgier and edgier. For the first two days, Willow never left the room, feeling embarrassed about how she looked, and depressed about things in general. Faith only left to get food or stuff Willow needed, so they were together most of the time. It was getting dicey. Finally, on the third day, Willow went out. She carefully hid the remainder of her black eye under concealer, and went out for a few hours. She needed to get out, she was getting itchy. Faith offered to go with her, but Willow just answered that with a look that made it clear she needed to be alone. So Faith let her go, and stayed in and watched TV for awhile. She finally got bored and left.

Faith hopped on her bike and gunned out of the parking lot, just wanting to get away from there for awhile. She rode around Auburn, not really taking in the sights, just needing the motion, the feeling of going forward. She didn't want to think anymore; she'd been doing nothing but thinking the last couple of days, and her brain felt muddy and fuzzy. She just wanted a sense of away… getting away from everything troubling her. She spent a couple of hours riding around, looking but not really seeing, just moving. Trying to clear her head. Finally, she headed back towards the hotel, feeling a little better.

She finds Willow sitting on the edge of the bed when she enters their room. Willow turns when she enters, and while she smiles at seeing Faith, her eyes are sad. Faith gets that " oh, crap" feeling in the pit of her stomach.

" I think we better get going," Willow says, quietly.

" Now?" Faith asks, puzzled.

" In the morning, Faith. I just think we need to go to Boston, get this thing done for Angel, then… I don't know."

Faith doesn't like the sound of what she's hearing . " I don't know." What the hell does that mean?

" Not getting you, Red. What don't you know?"

" I'm thinking I should head back to my Grammy's house, and wait while you finish your personal business in Boston. Maybe give us a little apart time". Willow turns away from her." Give you some time to find your father, or whatever. Or, I could just head back to L.A, and meet you there."

Faith stands stock still. She's afraid if she moves an inch, her whole world will come crashing down around her.

"What's going on, Red?. I thought we'd spend some time together in Boston. I want… I need you to come with me to face the Grandmother. Don't you know that? Why… ?"

" No, you don't Faith. Not sure exactly what you need me for."

" WILLOW?!!! How can you say that? I need you more than anything in this world…"

"Really Faith? I wish I could believe that, " Willow turns towards Faith, her expression totally sad now, " For this whole trip, you've been strange… as if you've got to keep some distance from me. The closer we get to Boston, the worse it gets. You're keeping secrets, Faith. It's not so much I want to horn in, don't you get that? I just want to help if I can, but nonetheless, I want to know. This thing with your father just popped out of the blue… I only knew anything about it because I knew you were hiding something. What else are you hiding from me, Faith? What else won't you let me in on? I thought we got past all this, but I guess I was wrong."

" Willow, please, " Faith comes around, and kneels before Willow, putting her hands on her knees, " Please baby, I'd tell you if I could. But I promised… I promised I wouldn't tell anyone."

" Who? Who'd you promise, Faith?" Willow asks.

Faith looks at Willow, knowing she should tell. Knowing by the look in her eyes she had to tell. But she couldn't. She'd promised, and she couldn't do it.

" I'm… I can't…" Faith mumbles. She looks down.

Faith feels her chin being lifted, and looks into Willow's soft green, kind eyes. She doesn't see anger there, only sadness. God, why couldn't she be angry with me? I could handle that… but … this… oh god Faith thinks as she looks into those eyes.

" I only hope, honey, that whoever it is realizes how loyal you are, " Willow smiles at Faith, " I hope they appreciate you like I do. When I look at you, I love you so much that my heart aches in my chest. But…" Willow sighs softly, "I've got to be first, Faith. I put you first. I can't be second in your affections, or your trust, or anything. I'm sorry, baby, I just can't be."

" Red, please, you're first…"

Willow holds up her hand to stop her.

" Don't, Faith, because we know it's not true. Just… don't" Willow pulls back the covers, and starts undressing. " I'm going to get some rest… I want to get an early start. Goodnight Faith." Willow turns her back.

" Red, please…"

" Goodnight, Faith" Willow doesn't turn around.

Faith looks at Willow's back, and feels helpless and angry at the same time. She doesn't say another word. She just heads for the door, which she slams after her.

Willow doesn't turn until she hears the door slam. Her eyes are bright with tears. She doesn't make a sound as she slips into bed, and turns out the light.

* * *

Willow awakens the next morning at dawn.

The light is still weak in the room. She pushes herself up, and leans over to waken Faith, only to find her side of the bed empty… it hasn't been slept in. A small chill settles in her heart. Has she left me? She squeezes her eyes shut, hoping that it's just a bad dream. She'll wake up, and Faith will be lying there, asleep. And if she's not? What then? She doesn't want to think about that.

She opens her eyes slowly, but Faith is still not there. Sighing, she looks up, and nearly screams when she sees the silhouette against the window. It's still too dark to see a face. She calls out, her voice shaky.

" Who… please, don't hurt me, ok?" Willow says, shaking.

She hears a sigh, and her body relaxes. She knows the owner of that sigh.

" It's just me Red. Not gonna hurt you, " Faith says, quietly, " not again."

"Faith, " Willow exhales, " God, you scared me." She reaches over and flips on the lamp. When the lights come up, she gets another little shock.

Faith is sitting there, looking pale. Her eyes are red, and have dark rings under them. Her hair is lank and dull. She looks like she hasn't slept at all. She's dressed in her leathers, and her expression is grim.

" Faith, look, about last night…"

" Let's go, Red. You wanted to get an early start. Let's do it." Faith gets up and walks to the door, picking up her grip. She's already packed and ready.

"Faith, lets talk about this, ok? Please?"

"What's to talk about? You're right. I'm not ready for a relationship. Had all night to think about it, Red. I guess I'm still finding out about myself." Faith half grins, " Guess I'm still figuring out what I want. Guess I need my independence for that. Figure out my priorities. Then maybe I'll be ready to do things right" She opens the door. " I'll be outside waiting when you're ready." She walks out.

Willow feels as if she can't breathe. She stands gasping, trying to catch her breath, but the ache inside is too big. Well, this is what you wanted, wasn't it? Faith to be honest with you? Well, there it is . Deal with it. You didn't even give her a chance to try, you just decided it had to be all or nothing. She decided, and you're screwed. Willow, walking as if in a daze, grabs her bag and throws it on the bed. She turns towards the dresser, and starts emptying her stuff from the dresser into her bag. She keeps moving, hoping that if she does, she won't think. If she doesn't think, it won't feel so bad. Only like swallowing Drain-o, maybe. Shut up, Will. You don't deserve to wallow. You brought this on yourself. She finishes packing, and lays out her leathers. God, look at those. So… pink. What the hell was I thinking? Shaking her head, she heads towards the bathroom to do her dailies, and shower.

Half an hour later, Willow emerges from the room. She's ready to go, dressed out in her leathers. She finds Faith staring at a piece of paper in her hand, chuckling to herself.

" What's so funny?" Willow asks, feeling a little peevish.

Faith looks up, giving Willow her trademark smirk. God, I hate that look, Willow thinks to herself. She finds herself getting angry, wanting to wipe that smirk off Faith's face. Chill, Will. Just ignore it.

"Well?" Willow asks, a little impatiently.

" Not funny, Red, ironic, " Faith says, staring at the paper. She hands it to Willow.

Willow looks at the paper, and can't figure out what Faith is talking about. All that's on it is a name and address:

**Margaret F. Delano**

**12 Acorn St.**

**Boston, MA. 02108**

**To be hand delivered to addressee only******

Willow hands the paper back to Faith.

" Ok, maybe I've gotten stupid lately, but I'm not getting it."

" I hadn't looked at where we were going until this morning. I mean, I knew Boston, but I didn't look at the specific address. I figured I'd check it when we were outside Boston, like now." Faith looks at the paper again, and starts chuckling, " if I'd known this, I woulda told Angel to stuff it." Faith shrugs, " too late now." She starts walking towards the parking lot.

Willow hurries to keep up pace with Faith. She's still not getting the joke.

" Ok, maybe that knock on the head rattled by brains, Faith, but I'm still not getting what the hell is so funny," Willow says, clearly not liking the joke. Maybe she's feeling it's on her.

Faith stops and turns back to her, a strange expression on her face.

"Sorry, Red, I forgot. You don't know, " Faith shakes her head, not sure if she wants to laugh or scream. " Looks like it's your lucky day, Red. Margaret F. Delano? That's the Grandmother."

Faith turns and walks towards the bikes, Willow trailing after her

And I thought this day couldn't get any worse. Willow thinks as she rushes to catch up to Faith.

* * *

To be continued. 


	12. Part 12

Independence

By Norwalker

Part 12 of

Summary: What did Willow and Faith discuss in that little car trip from L.A. to Sunnydale in season 7? And what were the consequences? A Willow/ Faith story

Rating: R, Very R

Category: romance/drama/angst

Spoilers: Possible season 7 spoilers. Possible season 4 Angel spoilers. C'mon, you must have seen 'em by now!

Time Line: Mid season 7(after the return of Faith) and beyond

Disclaimer: Joss Whedon , Mutant Enemy and Fox own them.

Warnings: Adult themes, violence, sexual situations between members of the same gender. **_Please be aware, character death is always a distinct possibility_**. It can happen here, so don't say I didn't warn you!!! Any racist remarks are spoken by the characters, and are in no way shared by the author. This story is not meant for children.  


* * *

Willow stares at Faith, who is gazing out the limousine window at the passing scenery. She was still trying to figure out why a limousine had been sent in the first place. _We could've walked to her grandmother's house. It wasn't that far._ But, evidently that wasn't what they did in Boston. Certainly, at least, not in Faith's family. She settled back in her seat, sighing. _I suppose I'm just going to remain puzzled. Faith's not exactly being talking girl._ She felt a little uncomfortable. Itchy. But that always happened when she wore a brand new wool skirt. Took time for her to break them in. _Great, I'll be nervous and itchy, _Willow thinks, as she looks down at her clothing. _I look like I'm going to a board meeting… or prep school!_ She's wearing a knee length gray wool skirt, white blouse and navy blue blazer, stockings and flats. "Definitely not my look" Willow muttered quietly to herself, feeling even more ill at ease.

"What's wrong with my clothes?" Willow says, looking at herself.

"Nothing. At least, not to the normal world, " Faith says, a slightly amused expression on her face. " But we're not going to see the 'normal' world. We're going to see the Grandmother."

" Still not getting you, Faith, " Willow says, checking herself out in the mirror. She's wearing a relatively conservative pantsuit with low heels. Nothing bold or outrageous. " It's not like I'm wearing a halter top or leather pants," Willow looks over at Faith, eyebrow arched.

Faith smirks, " Good point. But she is rather conservative in her views, Willow. What you're wearing, to me, is great. But she's got a thing about women in pants, women in anything that doesn't look like a nun would wear it, frankly." Faith shrugs, " normally, if I were alone, I wouldn't give a rat's ass. Matter of fact, I'd go like this" indicating her own attire, " just to piss the old broad off. But, Angel sent us here to deliver the package to her, and I suppose we gotta make nice."

" Well, just dress a little less… uh, provocatively? … and we'll make nice and be done."

" You're not getting it. Margaret Delano is not one to politely freeze you out. She'll make some disparaging remark about the way we're dressed, and frankly, punching her out wouldn't exactly get things done, would it?"

"FAITH!" Willow says, shocked, " you wouldn't" _What the hell am I saying! She WOULD!_

" If she starts insulting you? You betcha" Faith says, " Ok, we're …" Faith compresses her lips," … not together, I know. But I won't let her make her nasty little digs at you, no way! You're still a friend, right?"

" Of course, Faith," Willow says quietly._ Here's the salt shaker, Faith. Just keep pouring it on and rubbing it in, til it really hurts, 'k?_

" Ok, then, just trust me on this," Faith says, leading Willow into the small clothing shop they're standing by. " When I'm done with you, you're gonna look like a proper little Brahmin-ette. "

That wasn't the end of the surprises for Willow. After spending the night in the Nine-Zero Hotel(_in separate beds… alone in my little separate bed. God, stop obsessing, Willow!_), having breakfast downstairs, and going outside to start the walk to Faith's grandmother's house, they are confronted by….

" A limo? Why in…?" Willow looks at the Fleetwood limousine waiting by the hotel entrance. The driver is out and opening the doors for them before she knows what's happening. Faith just smiles; it's a cynical smile.

" Wouldn't do for the Grandmother to have her relative, no matter that she's the wayward, rebellious granddaughter, walking like… an ordinary person… up to the house. Oh, no. Might gall her a little, but she'll be damned if she doesn't send by a car to take us…" Faith just shakes her head and stares out the window as the car pulls out from the curb.

Willow can feel the bitterness rolling off of Faith, and she can't help wondering what more there might be between Faith and her grandmother. Bad enough what she knew, but she can't help feeling there's more to the story she just doesn't know. _And probably never will, _She sighs to herself. She can see the tension in Faith's body, and can't help feeling sorry for her. _Oh, she'd love that if she knew._ She's never had even a modicum of closeness with her family. Rules and strictures and what the proper young lady does or doesn't do. She looks over at Faith, dressed similarly to herself and notices how natural it looks on her. _Now, if that isn't a surprise, I don't know what is._ With her hair pulled back, and the way she's dressed, and her makeup at a bare minimum, no one would suspect she wasn't an integral part of this world they're entering._ Yet she seems to hate it with a deep passion._

The limousine pulls up to a four story brownstone on Acorn street. The driver gets out, and holds the door for the women. Faith slides out first, Willow following. Willow in politeness thanks the driver, who nods brusquely and slides into the drivers seat. Before she can turn, the car is back out in traffic, and they are standing on the sidewalk facing the brownstone.

"Well, here we are. Home sweet home," Faith says in a tone so ironic it catches Willow's notice. She puts on a smile so hard and immutable it seems to be set in plaster. Waving her hand for Willow to follow, she starts up the stoop to the front door.

Faith taps lightly on the door, and the door is opened by a tall, lean man dressed in a conservative blue suit. He appears to be in his early sixties, with an open face and a full head of silver hair. His expression appears neutral, but Willow observes his eyes seem to warm up when he sees Faith.

" Good morning, Miss Faith, " the man says, the warmth in his eyes transferring to his tone. He beckons them to enter.

"Good morning, Jeffries, " Faith replies, as she enters the foyer. Willow follows her, and notices Faith's expression has softened somewhat. Willow smiles politely.

" It's been a very long time, Miss Faith, " Jeffries says, taking their coats. " I trust you've been well?"

" Yes, very well, Jeffries, " Faith replies, " How is Mrs. Jeffries?"

" She had a cold a few weeks back, but has recovered well. Thank you for asking, Miss" Jeffries says, leading the two of them into the front parlor." You know Mrs. Jeffries. Never one to let a cold stop her."

Faith smiles. Willow, in just this brief exchange, can see that there is a definite bond between Faith and this Jeffries. Evidently, someone took notice of her when she was here, and that someone seems to be standing in front of them. Willow finds she is liking him.

" So, Jeffries, where is grandmother? She's expecting us," Faith asks, changing the topic. Her smile seems to harden again.

" She's finishing breakfast in the sunroom, Miss Faith. She will be here shortly. Can I get you anything while you wait?"

" I suppose a beer would be out of the question?" Faith teases, watching and getting Jeffries disapproving look. " I'm kidding, Jeffries. Tea would be fine"

" Very good, Miss Faith," Jeffries says, making no sign he heard Faith's little stab at humor. He turns to Willow. " Can I bring you something, Miss…?"

" My fault, Jeffries. This is my … friend, Ms. Willow Rosenberg."

" Miss Rosenberg" Jeffries says

" Tea would be fine, Jeffries, " Willow says, " And please, call me Willow."

" Indeed, Miss Willow" Jeffries nods politely, and exits.

" He seems very nice, " Willow says to Faith when they are alone. Faith, who has settled into one of the chairs, looks up.

" Jeffries is … special " Faith says quietly, but there are paragraphs of meaning for her in that word." So, whatcha think?" Faith gestures about the room.

Willow glances about the room, and is suitably impressed. It's not a particularly large room, but it has a high ceiling, giving it depth. The décor at once is simple and elegant… something only achieved by the very wealthy. The furnishings are antique, federalist period, and like the room are elegant but simple. It screams wealth and good taste.

" It's very nice," is all Willow can think to say. She can sense Faith's innate cynicism._ I'm thinking much more attention was given to this room than she ever received by its owner._

" Yes, the Grandmother's nothing if not…" Faith trails off. Willow sees she is looking at the doorway, and turns.

In the doorway stands a tall woman… taller than Faith by a few inches. She is dressed simply but elegantly in a blue silk suit, with matching shoes and a strand of pearls around her neck. Her hair, dark and full like Faith's, is swept up on her head. There is very little gray. She is aristocratically thin, and her posture is ramrod straight. Her eyes are dark and sharp, indicating a sharp and possibly deadly wit lurking close to the surface. Willow looks at her, and back to Faith, and back to her again, noting a strong resemblance. _No question as to heritage here._

" … if not what, Faith?" Margaret Delano asks, putting Faith on the spot. A somewhere Faith doesn't like to be. Faith stands, and Willow does likewise.

" I'm sorry, grandmother, what was the question again?" Faith queries, her expression fixed.

" Please, Faith, don't play the dullard with me. It doesn't suit you," Margaret says, coolly, " What exactly did you mean by ' The Grandmother's nothing if not…' ? "

"Thorough, " Faith says, simply. The edge in her voice is plain.

" Yes, well, most consider that a virtue, dear, " Margaret says, walking into the room and ignoring Willow entirely. She walks to where Faith is standing, and quickly appraises her. " I see you haven't forgotten how to dress. That's good, I suppose. Though your posture could certainly use some improvement. Stand up straight, girl" Margaret commands.

Faith looks as if a steel bar has been rammed up her back, and stands to her full height… her eyes just at cheek level to Margaret. The two women stand staring at each other for a moment.

" You seem to be well, Grandmother, " Faith says. Willow can't tell by her tone if that's a good thing or not.

" I have no complaints, Faith, " Margaret responds." You, on the other hand, seem to be a bit pale… and hmmm… dark circles under your eyes… not sleeping, are we? Perhaps attending too many of those wild California parties?"

Faith stands still, her anger in check but plain on her face. Willow watches the dynamics of this little drama, and quietly assesses the relationship. _Anyone else making Faith angry would find themselves up against a wall._ Willow is indeed impressed with Faith's self-control. _This woman's picture must appear next to the definition for "bitch"._

"Well, Faith, are you going to stand there like a ninny, or do you plan on introducing me to your friend sometime soon?" Margaret Delano turns towards Willow, and Willow feels the razor sharp scrutiny of this… formidable woman.

" I apologize, grandmother," Faith says, but it sounds to Willow's ear more like 'fuck you, grandmother', " This is my friend, Willow Rosenberg. Willow, this is my grandmother, Margaret Delano."

Willow, finding her own smile fixing on her face, closes the gap between her and Mrs. Delano, extending her hand.

" I'm very pleased to meet you, Mrs. Delano." Willow says brightly.

" Indeed, Miss Rosenberg, " Margaret looks at the extended hand as if it were a snake. Willow, feeling a flush creep up her neck, withdraws her hand. " How long have you known Faith, Miss Rosenberg?"

" On and off for the last four years, " Willow grits her teeth and smiles.

" On and off? . Exactly what does that mean, Miss Rosenberg?"

" It means, grandmother, that that it really doesn't concern you, " Faith says, not liking the way this is going at all. " Willow has been a loyal friend to me over that time."

" How touching, Faith. Does that include the time you were in prison?" Margaret shoots at Faith, " Maybe Miss Rosenberg was your cellmate?"

Faith flushed red with anger. But it was nothing to what Willow was feeling. She went pale, her rage was close to absolute.

" You've gone too far, grandmother," Faith says, clenching her jaw. She starts to walk towards Margaret, but is stopped. She runs into an invisible wall.

" No, Faith, don't" Willow says, holding up her hand. Willow turns on Faith's grandmother. " Listen to me. You might bully Faith, but I'm not afraid of you, you old crone, " Willow gets right into Margaret's face, " I don't care, you can't do squat to me. I thought Faith was exaggerating about you, making you out worse than you are. But I was wrong. She sugar coated it. You're nothing but an evil, twisted old hag. If it weren't for Faith, I would…." Willow breaks off, getting her temper under control.

" Red, no… don't. She's not worth it, " Faith says, coming over to Willow. She takes Willow's arm and pulls her away from her grandmother." She can't do anything to either of us."

" When I think of what she did to you…" Willow mutters. Her clench fist starts to glow, and Faith quickly covers it from her grandmother's sight. Faith takes Willow's face in her hands.

" It's ok, Red. Just calm down. Don't let her get to you… that's what she wants." She rubs Willow's neck, trying to calm her.

Willow relaxes, and the glow dissipates from her fist. She just glares at the woman over Faith's shoulder. _How could I think they had anything in common? She's just a dried up old bitch._ She's surprised when she sees her smiling at them.

Faith, seeing Willow calmer, whirls on her grandmother, ready to lay into her. _Screw all of this. I don't need her. She can go to … _She stops in her tracks, confused, when she sees her grandmother smiling at her. Not the smile she knows, the one pasted on her face to cover her anger, but a genuine smile. One that touches her eyes. One that she's never seen before.

" I like her, Faith, " Margaret says, her tone's genuinely warm, "she's fiery. She's got guts."

"And I should care what you think because…?" Faith is very suspicious of this woman.

" You shouldn't, Faith. You should care what she thinks," Margaret points at Willow, " And by her actions, I'd say she cares a lot about you."

Faith stands looking at her grandmother, confused. _What the hell kinda game is she pulling here?_ But try as she might, she can't figure out what her grandmother is up to.

Willow, on the other hand, has . " So, this was some kind of test? You were testing me?"

Margaret doesn't make indication. She just stands there, looking at the both of them.

" You were. You were testing me… to see what I'd do." Willow grins. A hard, chilling grin. " Well, you know what? I don't care! Frankly, I don't like you. I think you're a cruel, mean woman who has nothing better to do than to bully your family. I've known you five minutes, and that's five minutes of my life I'll never get back. Frankly, I don't want to look at you anymore." Willow walks over to Faith, handing her the package. " Here, you give it to her. I'll be outside when you're ready." Willow turns and storms out.

She finds herself in the foyer, and calls out. " Jeffries? Are you here?"

Jeffries enters off another room, carrying her coat. " I'm here, Miss" He holds her coat for her.

" I guess you heard, huh?" Willow says, slipping her arms into her coat.

" Don't we always, Miss?" Jeffries says, helping her with her coat. " Good for you," he says, quietly.

" Huh?"

"Mrs. Delano can be… difficult, at times. Faith has brought friends over before, but all have been scared off by her. No one's had the courage to stand up to her before. So, good for you"

" Oh, yeah. I alienated Faith's grandmother. Just something more to make things wonderful, " Willow says, her tone ironic. Jeffries looks at her with a strange expression.

" Things are not well between you and Miss Faith, Miss Willow?" Jeffries asks.

"No, Jeffries, I'm afraid they aren't" Willow says.

" I'm sorry to hear that, Miss Willow. Because Miss Faith really seems to care about you."

" I care about her too, Jeffries," Willow confesses, " but it's more complicated than that."

" I see, " Jeffries smiles." Miss Willow, do you really want to stand outside, waiting for Miss Faith? Why don't you come back into the kitchen with me and meet Mrs. Jeffries? I know she'd like to meet you, and she's made her famous apple pie. I'm pretty sure we can get a piece or two out of her. What do you think?"

" I think that sounds like a pretty good idea, " Willow smiles, shrugging off her coat. She waves Jeffries off when he tries to take it from her. " I also think Faith was pretty lucky to have you around when she lived here."

" Yes, well, we're rather fond of Miss Faith, Mrs. Jeffries and I" Jeffries says, leading Willow into the back of the house.

" I noticed that" Willow smiles, as they exit through the door.

Faith and Margaret watch Willow storm out of the room. Faith hears her grandmother chuckle, and she turns on her.

" Don't you laugh at her!" Faith walks over to her grandmother, staring her in the eye.

Margaret smiles at Faith. " I'm not laughing at her, Faith. I'm laughing because… well, she's a force of nature, that one. A real fireball." She looks at Faith intently, and her smile fades. " You really care about her, don't you?"

" It's really none of your business, grandmother, " Faith says. She hands her the package. " Let's just get this over with, shall we? Here's the package I'm supposed to deliver to you. And you wanted to talk about something."

"All business then, Faith?" Margaret says, " Very good, then".

She walks over to a small writing desk in the corner, and picks up a sterling silver letter opener. She uses it on the package, and peels away the paper. Inside is a scroll, in an elaborate ivory sleeve. She carefully extracts the scroll, and unrolls it. For the next few minutes she reads over the scroll, her face impassive. Finally, she comes to a section of the scroll that seems to perk up her interest. She reads it over, then re-reads it. Satisfied, she rolls up the scroll and returns it to its sleeve. She carefully sets it down on her desk, then stands there, eyes closed. She repeats quietly to herself, " At last. At last"

Faith, growing impatient, walks over to where she's standing.

" Look, I don't mean to interrupt your happy, but if we can finish this, I've other places to be."

" Really, Faith? Where would that be?"

" Anywhere but here." Faith says, sardonically.

" Yes, I suppose that's true. That's always been true in the past. Why not now?" Margaret holds up the scroll she has received from Angel. " Do you know what this is, Faith?"

" Going out on a limb, I'm going to guess a scroll. Since it's from Angel, I'm going to further guess…mystical scroll?" Faith says, smirking. She is restless and impatient, and not wanting to play guessing games.

" I guess this really isn't of much interest to you. But it should, because it concerns your future, also."

" Ok, let's get something straight. You're future, and my future? They're not connected. Clear?"

" I sometimes wish that were true, Faith, " Margaret said, irritation creeping into her voice," but like it or not, we're family, Faith."

" Family? Family! You're kidding, right? Families care about each other; at least other families seem to. Lets get real, here. You or dear old mom? Didn't give a rat's ass about me. You tried to get rid of me. Then, when you pull me back in this loving, nurturing environment? Boarding schools. Oh yeah, we're family. Right."

"Things aren't always as they seem, Faith. And there's no need to get vulgar."

" I've played by your rules way too long, grandmother. Tired of your stupid ass rules. Tired of your stupid ass dress code, and all the other crap you put on to impress your snobby friends. Frankly, don't give a damn what you think."

"Then why are you here, Faith?" Margaret asks," Why even come?"

"Because Angel asked me to give you that fancy scroll. That's done. You put strings on the money you loaned me, so I'm doin' that. After that, I'm so outta here." Faith spins around, finds a seat and sits, " So, grandmother, go ahead, say you're piece. Last time you'll be seeing me here. Especially dressed like some Prep school wannabe." She puts her foot up on the coffee table, knowing it will anger her grandmother.

" That's an 18th century Chippendale table, Faith. Take your foot off it."

" Make me"

" Fine, Faith, " Margaret says, walking away from her, turning her back, " Be a vulgarian, be a boor, act rebellious, that's your usual way of dealing with things, isn't it?"

" Better than being a snobby bitch whose only function in life is money and social position"

" You have no idea what my life is like, Faith. The responsibilities I have. I'm responsible not only for my own family, but all the branches of the Delano's. It's not just acting 'snobby' as you so quaintly put it. We are more than just a family, we are a force in this town and in this state. With that comes responsibility, heavy responsibility."

" Well, boo hoo for you. Not like you're exactly suffering here, is it?" Faith glances around the room, " You chose your life, grandmother. No one put a gun to your head. I didn't even get that, now did I? You know something, maybe if you spent a little more time caring about your family, and a little less time caring about your social standing, maybe you wouldn't have to buy you're granddaughter's time. Maybe she might even give a damn about you."

Margaret sighs, " Why do we have to do this every time we meet, Faith? Can't we get beyond this, just once?"

" I guess this is where you're going to tell me how much of a burden it all is. How you just wish you could chuck it all, huh? Well, you can't. Because you love it, you love being Mrs. Margaret Delano. You love the life, you love the whole useless, petty, worthless thing. So, don't go getting all stiff upper lippy on me. If your some dried up old harridan who couldn't find time to have a real family, had to adopt a daughter to have an heir, because you didn't want to make time for a real family, well… tough."

Faith waits for a reaction. She expects her grandmother to get angry, she expects her to come over and slap her, and she expects her to order her out of the house, never to return. What she doesn't expect is for her grandmother to laugh. It's a dry, brittle, bitter laugh.

" God, you remind me of me at your age, " Margaret says, still chuckling, " So passionate. Knowing everything."

" Oh, please, that's so bogus," Faith dismisses her, " we're nothing alike."

"We're a lot more alike than you think Faith."

" Bullshit. You're some withered, heartless, Boston Brahmin who only cares about whose only passion is screwing someone out of money, or making sure that she's top bitch. Well, you've done a real good job on both counts, so consider yourself a success."

" You're so quick to judge, Faith. You've got no idea what my life is or was. You say you don't care about me, but why then do you do everything you can be the exact opposite of what you think I am? Because you think it'll annoy me, and that's your way of getting my attention."

Faith doesn't answer, just rolls her eyes and shakes her head in disbelief.

" I think it's time you learn something about your family history, Faith. You're pretty deficient in that area."

Faith just makes an impatient noise.

" First of all, this isn't the life I chose for myself, believe me. At least, not the life I would've chosen for myself at your age. At your age, I was like you. Impatient, rebellious, full of myself. I didn't want anything to do with the family. I was the rebel."

" Gee, grandmother, what'd you do? Use your salad fork for the main course? You rebel , you" Faith mocks.

" Oh, nothing so hard core as that, Faith, " her grandmother mocks back, " No, I just ran around a lot, drank like a fish, stayed out all night, ran away with a few guys, you know… the usual stuff."

" Yeah, right"

"What you little fucking bitch? You think you're the only one with a wild streak? I knew you were thickheaded, but I never thought you were just a stupid shit".

Faith's eyes go wide. She looks around, waiting for lightning to strike out of the sky… or the roof, anyway.

" Grandmother!"

" Just because I choose not to swear, Faith, doesn't mean I don't know how, or that I didn't ever swear. God, I thought you were smarter than that. Was I wrong?"

Faith turns red. She's just not sure if from anger or embarrassment, or both.

" So you see, Faith, you didn't originate or even have a patent on being the rebel. I did it first, and better. My parents thought for sure that I was going to hell. They were ashamed of me, and you know what? I didn't give a … how did you put that? rat's ass. I knew they were nothing but a pair of withered, dried up old prunes without a clue."

" Yeah, I can see you're so different, right?"

" Things change, Faith, situations change. They did for me. I fell in love."

" Oh, I know that. With Andrew Jackson, and Ulysses S. Grant, oh, and old Ben Franklin, right?" Faith smirks at her little joke until her grandmother slaps her. Hard. " HEY!" Faith growls, rubbing her cheek.

" Damn you, Faith, can't you for once listen without being a smart aleck?"

" Maybe I'd listen if you didn't try to feed me a load, " Faith mutters, rubbing her cheek.

" I'm sorry, Faith. I didn't mean to lose my temper, " Margaret says, " but you're remark just really hurt."

" Grandmother, why don't we just stop this?" Faith asks, sounding tired all of a sudden, " you don't care, I don't care. I'll live my life, and I promise, I won't interfere in yours again. I'll pay you back the money somehow."

" I don't care about the money, Faith, " Margaret says, turning away and sitting down. Suddenly, she looks less formidable, and more shrunken. Her face is pale, and she looks tired. " I would've give you anything you asked to get you here."

The tone, more than the words, makes Faith look up at her grandmother. It's as if she's seeing her for the first time. Instead of the overbearing ogre that she's fought most of her life, she sees a vulnerable, and all too human woman. It rocks her.

" Grandmother, what is it?" Faith asks, suspiciously._ It's some kind of trick. She's trying to trap me into something!_

" It's nothing, Faith," Margaret says, regaining her composure." There are things you need to know. Things I should've told you sooner."

" Alright, " Faith says, quietly. She's still suspicious, but she relents enough to go and sit across from her grandmother. " Talk. I'll listen."

" I know you think that my life's passion has been about money and power, Faith. I guess that's really all I have left now, but it wasn't always so." Margaret coughs, then continues, " I already told you I was the rebel of the family, the black sheep. If you believe that or not, doesn't matter. It's true, but I can't expect you to believe it. But things did change, Faith. I fell in love."

" With Grandfather Thomas?" Faith asks. She'd never known Grandfather Thomas. He'd died before she came to live with her grandmother. But she saw pictures of him everywhere.

" No, Faith. Thomas came later. No… I fell in love with the new valet in my Father's service."

" Getting down with the hired help, Grandmother? Getting some of the lovin' from the wrong side of the tracks? Who woulda thought it?" Faith simpers. _The grandmother and a hired hand, oh yeah, I'm gonna buy that one._

" Faith, this is serious! I was really in love… I think the only time in my life."

" Ok, ok, don't get all weird on me." Faith puts up her hands. But something in her grandmother's tone perks her attention.

" God, he was beautiful. And sweet. And … he just seemed to know me, like we knew each other forever. I'd never known anyone like him. He had this way about him that just… got to me. " Margaret pauses, seeming to be in her own world. " No one's ever touched me like that, before or since."

Faith is beyond astonished. She looks at her grandmother like she's never seen her before. As a woman, a woman who actually felt love and … all the other emotions.

" What happened? Why didn't you…?" Faith starts to ask, but Margaret cuts her off.

" Faith it was a different time. You didn't marry the help… no matter what those silly romantic movies said. You just didn't. It wasn't done." Margaret pauses, and a dreamy look comes in her face, " but… I didn't care. I was willing… I wanted to marry him. I knew we'd be happy. I didn't care about the money, or position, or anything… I just wanted him."

" So why didn't you?" Faith is fascinated now. She's not sure if she believes this or not, but she's seeing a side of her grandmother she's never seen.

" He wouldn't. He wouldn't allow me to give up my life for him. He said that he was just a servant, that … it was wrong. He broke it off…" Margaret can't entirely hide the bitterness she feels, " or maybe he was just tired of me…" She immediately regrets saying that, you can see it in her face, " that's not true. That's just the bitch in me coming out. I know he loved me. I could tell… he treated me like a princess… I'd never felt so wonderful, so special in my life…" Her face seems to collapse. " God, he was such a fool. Why wouldn't he marry me, Faith? I didn't care about anything but him… damn it." A small grin, not a happy one, curves her lips." I found out about a month after he broke it off, that our little Affaire du Coeur had consequences."

"What?" Faith asks, getting really interested.

" I was pregnant, Faith" Margaret says, quietly.

" Oh, my god. What'd you do?"

"Do?" Margaret looks at her strangely, " I'm a Catholic, Faith. That… wasn't an option. But I couldn't stay in Boston… the scandal… it was so different back then. I went away to have the baby. My parents tried to force me to tell them who the father was, but I wouldn't. Then they tried to force me to give up the baby. Again, I wouldn't. So they cut me off. They made up an excuse that I was away with 'female trouble'. That I had to have an operation, and … well, I could never have children. That's a laugh," Margaret again has a bitter tone to her voice. " They said I was on extended holiday, recuperating and dealing with it. Oh yes, I dealt with it. An unwed mother in those days wasn't exactly a social benefit. I worked, and raised my child, best I could. That's where I met Thomas Delano, you're grandfather. He was a kind man, a good man. He married me, and took my daughter as his own. We didn't come back to Boston for 7 years. Not until my parents died." Margaret sighs, " They never forgave me, Faith. They cut me out of their will. Thomas, however, was rich. This is his house." She gestures." I keep it in memory of him… but frankly, I'd just as soon live elsewhere."

" Mother? She's not adopted? That's your child?" The light bulb is coming on in Faith's head.

Margaret nods.

" But… why not tell the truth? I … don't understand?"

" Weren't you listening, Faith? I couldn't admit to Sarah being mine. Thomas was old money. Very old money. The word was that I couldn't have children, so we had to make up the story that Sarah was adopted. If the truth were known, the scandal would've ruined him." She grins ruefully, " little that it mattered, in the end. He died of a heart attack 3 years after we returned. He left me everything," Margaret looks regretful, " I wish I'd loved him better."

"What… what happened to … " Faith almost says grandfather, but corrects herself quickly" … the valet?"

" He's still alive Faith. He stayed in my parent's service. I never revealed who he was. He worked hard, and worked his way up from valet to butler."

" Do you ever see him?"

" Yes, Faith. After my parents died, he was without a situation, so I convinced Thomas to bring him into our service. I know, it was wrong… but I loved him, Faith. I couldn't see him without. I never… we never… but I couldn't … I needed to have him around… do you see?"

All of a sudden, it clicks for Faith. She stands up, and backs away from her grandmother. Her face registers shock.

" You… you don't mean…"

Instead of answering, Margaret summons Jeffries, the butler. Faith is standing stock still… looking at her grandmother as if she's about to attack Faith.

Jeffries enters and goes to Margaret. " You rang, ma'am?"

Margaret turns to Jeffries, and her expression seems to soften. " I told her, Henry"

Jeffries slumps a little, and closes his eyes. When he opens them, he asks, " Was that wise, Maggie?"

And Faith knows it's true… all of it. She starts to laugh… a laugh born of hysteria, not humor.

" You… and you… all of this… it's a lie!" Faith says, backing even further, until she hits a wall." All this time, I thought… and … you mean you let me be passed around like a broken toy, all the time knowing we're blood? And… you… were pretending to be the manservant… making me believe it… I didn't understand why you treated me the way you did… now… oh, god… this is too much… just too much!!!!" She looks around for an escape, and starts to head for the door.

" Faith, please, wait!" Margaret calls out. " Please, don't leave. Not like this. Let me explain… please!"

" No… no way… god, you're sick… all of you…" Faith looks at Jeffries. " Mrs. Jeffries… does she know… about this?"

" Not all of it, no" Jeffries replies, " She knows you're my granddaughter, but she thinks I … got a girl in trouble, and Mrs. Delano… Margaret… stepped in and adopted your mother…"

" My god, you're all insane! You're sick.. .god how … never mind, I don't want to know! I … " Faith turns starts to leave. She stops… and turns back to Jeffries and Margaret." I never want… I never will step in this house again… I thought I was nuts. But you two… god, I come by it honestly! I'll get your goddamned money back to you, " She addresses Margaret now, " But never, ever try to contact me again. God… I hate you… I hate you both!"

"Faith, please…" Margaret pleads with her, but Faith's having none of it.

" Go to HELL, you bitch!" Faith says, " You think you can just treat people the way you do, make them feel like crap, worthless… and then dump this on top of it? YOU'RE BOTH SICK!" She yells, and runs out the front door, slamming it after her.

Willow, hearing the commotion, comes into the parlor. She looks around.

" What happened? Where's Faith?" She asks, concerned.

" I think you best go after her, Miss Rosenberg, " Margaret says, affecting her previous tone, " she's had a bit of bad news"

Willow looks at Margaret with hostility. _I really don't like this woman. Not one bit._

" What did you say to her?" Willow asks, brusquely.

" That really doesn't concern you, Miss Rosenberg."

Willow looks at her with disgust.

" If I had more time, I'd tell you what I think of you. But … oh, screw you!" She says. Like Faith, she runs out the front door, slamming it after her.

They both watch her leave, then Henry turns to Margaret.

" You didn't tell Faith. Not all of it, did you?" Henry says, quietly.

" No, I didn't… and don't you dare, " Margaret says, fiercely, " I wanted her understanding, not her pity."

" She has to know sometime, Maggie, " Henry says, insistently, " She has to know you're dying."

" Frankly, right now I don't think she'd care."

* * *

Willow ran down the steps of the brownstone after Faith. When she got to the street, Faith was nowhere to be seen._ Great, swell I've lost her._ Willow looks both ways, going first one way, then the other, and realizing she hasn't a clue where she might've gone. _What the hell happened in there? What did her grandmother do to her?_

Realizing that looking for Faith would be pointless, Willow shuts her eyes and stands very still. She reaches out with her mind, trying to find her. She'd learned how to control the power while with the Coven, filtering out the energies she doesn't want to see, and honing on those she does. It's as if she were in a sea of white noise, looking for an island….

Suddenly she hits it, an island of confusion and pain. It's so intense, she can almost feel the heat of rage from here, the icy coldness of anger, and the winds of despair and sorrow. She begins to move in its direction, keeping the image firmly in mind. As she gets closer, the feelings become more intense, until it's hard to even stand against the waves. She releases the mind's eye, and looks around, knowing Faith is close now. She's afraid if she doesn't , the emotions will knock her on her butt.

She sees Faith leaning against a lamppost near the next corner. She seems to be staring at something in the gutter. Her clothing is a little askew, her hair pulling free from the band holding it back. As Willow approaches, she looks up, and it's then that Willow sees her eyes. Her eyes look cold and lifeless. Willow shivers.

" Hey, Faith, what happened?"

"Happened? Nothing happened," Faith sounds remote.

" Faith, I heard you screaming at your grandmother. When I went see what was what, she said you'd had bad news… that I should go find you. What's that about? What does she mean?"

" Oh, that? Crap, that's nothing but the usual fun and games at the Delano house. Don't ya know, Red?"

"Faith, what's going on?" Willow insists.

" Hey, Red. We're done. Assignments over. Isn't this where you wanted to duck out, go see Grammy again? Or go to L.A.? Gee…no need to hang here now, Red."

Faith grabs the lamppost and starts to twirl around it, like a child. She seems oblivious to everything and everyone around her.

"Faith, stop… hey, stop… you're gonna get sick" Willow tries to grab her, but Faith just keeps twirling around. Finally, she lets go of the pole, and twirls into the raised steps of a brownstone. She loses balance, and falls hard on her butt.

"Wow…dizzy, " She giggles, " whatta rush."

"Faith," Willow sounds scared, " stop it!"

" God, Red, you're such a stick. Live a little" Faith gets up woozily, but recovers quickly. She runs to Willow, and before Willow knows what's happening, Faith spinning her around and around.

" Wheee… aint that a hoot, Red?" Faith cries out as Willow spins like a top

" Faith, stop it, please… god, I'm … I don't do this kinda stuff well.. please… uhhh… not feeling…"

She spins away, and then stops … too suddenly. She drops to her knees, and starts retching on the grass. Faith comes over and stands by her.

" Gee… oooops." Faith looks down on her, " didn't know you were such a wuss, Red."

Willow looks up at her, enraged. She gets to her feet, unsteadily, and lights into her.

"What the hell is your trauma, Faith? Why the hell did you do that? Are you nuts? " Her face turns red with anger.

" Nuts, Red? Gee, try to have a little fun, and you get all cranky."

"You're acting totally screwy, Faith," Willow says, her nausea retreating, and her temper cooling, " What happened, baby? What did she do to you?"

" Happened? Nothing happened, Willow, except I got born into a loony bin of a family. Maybe being around her makes me crazy, maybe I need to blow off steam. Maybe you make me crazy… ever consider that?"

"What?"

" Do this, Faith, Be this way, Faith. Don't be so crazy, Faith. Be good Faith, don't ever have ANY fun, Faith. God, at least she's an old withered up prune. What's your excuse?"

" Is that what you think of me?" Willow looks shocked and hurt.

" If the broom fits…"

Willow turns without a word, and starts off, a little unsteadily. She's still feeling the effects of the human whirly-gig .

" Oh, there you go. Things get tough, and you run away, " Faith sneers.

Willow stops and turns back to Faith. " Look who's talking, Ms. I disappear for 4 days and worry everybody crazy because I can't deal with my feelings! What about that, Faith? Or did you conveniently forget about that?"

" Right. And you weren't like with somebody else, were you? So I didn't have a clue where I stood! I mean, I was … I had all these…and you were just cool as a Frigidaire with your girlfriend and then me…"

" Did you even give me a chance? No, you just decided that you knew me, and that you had the answer… run away. Did it occur to you that I was going through my own stuff, trying to cope? Nope, don't think that ever crossed your mind. I was dealing with my power, we know how that worked out, and with Tara's death… yeah, excuse me for not being over it yet, and having someone else in my life… then you come along, all wild and hard nosed and so damned cute. You'd be so mean, utterly mean… then you'd do something so incredibly sweet I thought I was gonna die. But I guess I should shrug that off, no big right? Cuz I'm supposed to have it all together, right?"

"At least you know who you are," Faith says quietly.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Willow replies, crossly.

" When you look in the mirror, the girl who stares back at you? You know her. You know her family, her place in that family, you have friends and you know where you belong. You don't wonder what you'll be today, because who you are? Pretty much a given. It isn't a lie, it's real"

Willow realizes that they're getting to the root of what's wrong, so she quietly listens.

" Me, I look in that mirror, and the girl staring back spits at me. She screams at me asking who are you? What's this all about? Why do you do the shit you're doing? Why're you hurting someone who loves you… somebody you're crazy about?" Faith turns to Willow," She won't tell me, she just laughs at me. So, I make myself up, try to be somebody. But it's no good because everybody can see the foundation is made of Popsicle sticks. It's weak and rotten and will fall apart at any old time. But it's all I got, and I work on it, and I make it real. Make it something that I can point to and say ' that's me !' But it's only a lie. But it's your lie, and you … believe it. "

" But then you find out that what you thought was true, is a crock. They've been lying to you all along, and it's all different now. Everything you believe, you gotta wonder if it's really true. They cut you off at the knees, then tell you to go run a marathon. Lies, Red, and secrets. That's what I got. Nothing. How the hell can I be someone, someone you love, someone worthy of love, when it's all lies!"

"Faith? What lies? What do you mean?"

Faith goes on like she didn't hear her. " I could get it, I could understand why they treated me like they did. Cuz I wasn't really related to her… the grandmother. I was just her adopted daughter's baby…"

" You're mother was adopted?" Willow asks, not knowing this.

" That's what I grew up believing. That mother was adopted by the grandmother. So, when she rejected me, I could deal. Because she'd been rejected. When the grandmother didn't 'rescue' me til I was like, 7 or 8, I could get it. She wasn't my grandmother, so why should she care? They sent me away to boarding school. That hurt. I wanted… needed someone to love me. But I toughened my heart, because I figured ' Hey, not really family.' So I could deal. Because what did it matter? They weren't real to me."

" Now, she tells me it's all a lie again. That mother wasn't adopted. That the grandmother had an affair, and that mother was the result of that affair. Oh, and did I tell you? Jeffries? Just call him Gramps. Shit. I've only known him as the grandmother's butler all these years. He's watched me grow, helped me in many ways…and he's been my grandfather all along. And I've treated him like the help. How good is that?"

" But, isn't that a good thing, Faith?" Willow asks gently, " knowing who you are, who your family is?"

" You're not getting it. They treated me like dog crap, Willow. As long as they weren't my family , not my 'real' family, I could cope. Deal with it, because I believed out there somewhere there was a real family that WOULD love me. That would want me, if only I could find them. But now, I just know the family I have doesn't want me, doesn't love me. It's turned everything upside downs and backwards. I don't know who I am anymore, because everything I believed? Bogus. Lies, and more lies, and a big old sham to boot!"

" Faith… maybe a little harsh?" Willow asks, gently, not wanting to get her all wiggy again," maybe there were reasons?"

"What reasons, Red? Please, tell me. What reasons would you do that? If it were your baby, Willow? Would you do that? Tell me, would you?"

Willow just looks sad. She can't think of any reasons. She just wanted to give Faith some hope… something. She reaches out to touch Faith, but Faith pulls away. Willow lets her hand drop.

" Don't want your pity, Red. Not looking for that. Just… trying to deal with it. Can't deal with it, that's the deal. And here I'm taking it out on you, again." Faith looks up at Willow, a small frown on her face, " don't you think it's time you go home now? Run, Red, go ahead and run. It's cool. I would. It's nuts, this is just … it's insane. How can I be anything to you, all I do is lash out at you… you deserve better, lots better," She mumbles the last, " a lot better than me"

Willow grabs Faith by the shoulders and turns her.

" Stop that. Don't even start this ' I'm not good enough for you' crap. Don't you get it yet? Oh, ok, sure I get mad when I think you're hiding stuff from me, cuz I'm thinking we should do that, being all couply and all… and I don't like to see you hurting and stuff, ok bad me too. But, if you think I'm going to sit here and let you run yourself down to me, again, well, you got another think coming, mister!"

Faith just stares at her. She's biting her lip to keep from smiling. Even though she's upset, when Willow starts getting tough, she starts getting the giggles. _She's just so damned cute being all tough and all._

" I want you to get this through that thing you call a head, " Willow says, going on, not even seeing the change in Faith. " You're one heck of a woman, and I love you madly, and if I get mad at you it's not forever, and I'm gonna be with you like it or not and I don't care what you think, the last thing I want to see at night is your face looking back at me, and I like holding your hand even if it's all callousy from stakes, and … and… Grrr… just stop it!"

Faith loses it. She can't help it. Willow being forceful just cracks her up.

" What's so funny?" Willow looks at her, feeling a little cross.

" You're funny, Goof, " Faith chuckles, pushing Willow. Seeing Willow frowning, she goes on, " I'm sorry."

" For what?" Willow asks, seeing if Faith gets it.

" For being a moron" _Not bad, W_illow thinks, _but there's more._

" For what?" Willow shoots Faith a sidelong glance.

" Ummm… for getting all wiggy?" Faith's on unsure ground.

" For WHAT?" Willow starts to get irritated. _Doesn't she pay attention?_

" Ummm… for being a jerk. For keeping secrets. For not trusting you enough to not run when I got problems? For not trusting myself enough to believe in me, and you. Me and you?"

" That's a start, " Willow says, slightly mollified.

" There's more?" Faith looks worried.

" There's always more, Faith, " Willow says, patting her cheek. " You don't play this game well, do you?"

"Hmmm, B warned me about this," Faith gives Willow a half grin.

" Warned you about this? About what?" Willow asks.

" About letting you get the moral high ground. How you never, ever let it go."

" That's… that's so unfair!" Willow exclaims.

" Maybe. Is it true?"

" It's still unfair!!!"

Faith chuckles, " She also said, if it gets too bad, just to say "clothing fluke" that you'd come off your high horse real fast."

Willow blushes a nice shade of red, and Faith laughs.

" What's that mean, Red?"

"Never mind. That isn't important… and it's old news."

" Keeping secrets?"

" Never you mind!" Willow gets antsy, " Anyway, why don't you go ask your bestest bud Buffy?"

" Careful Red, looks like you're slipping," Faith is liking this. A whole lot.

" Huh?"

" Off that moral high ground."

Willow mumbles something under her breath. _I'm so gonna kill Buffy for that!_

" Sorry, didn't hear that. Speak up, Red"

" Never mind!" Willow has to change the subject. " So what're you going to do, Faith?"

" About what?" Faith asks, then gets it, " Oh." She sits down on the steps in front of the brownstone. Willow sits next to her.

" Faith… maybe, just … well, try not to be too hard on them, ok? Maybe there really was a good reason for what happened. I'm not trying to excuse them, or say it was right… but maybe they felt it was necessary? God, I don't like defending that woman, but she's your grandmother, Faith. You're real grandmother, and your only grandmother. Maybe you got to be… better than her, and forgive her? And Jeffries?"

" Willow, after how she treated you, how can you defend her?"

" Believe me, Faith. It's not her I'm worried about. It's you. Hating poisons you. Take it from someone who knows." Willow looks at her expression, " ok, you know it too. So, I don't want to see you eating yourself away day after day over this. Gotta move on, and the only way is to forgive her."

" I get it here, Red, " Faith points at her head, " but not here " pointing at her heart, " just can't do it yet. It's just… too sick, Red. Sorry, but it… you didn't live through it. Maybe someday I can do it, but not now, Red. I just can't."

Willow looks at her, and realizes she doesn't know. While she was with Mrs. Jeffries in the kitchen, it slipped out about Faith's grandmother. That she was dying. Despite her anger at the woman, she felt sympathy. When Jeffries returned to the kitchen and found out, he made Willow promise she wouldn't tell Faith. Willow didn't like being forced to keep a secret, but Jeffries insisted, saying it was up to Mrs. Delano to reveal it to Faith. Willow reluctantly agreed… then a little while later , she heard Faith screaming at her grandmother. Now, seeing Faith, and how she's feeling, she's tempted to tell her. But she also fears that in her current state, it might just push Faith over the edge again. She sighs, and holds her tongue.

" Don't wait too long, Faith, " Willow gives the only clue she's going to.

"What's that supposed to mean, Red?" Faith looks at her suspiciously.

" Just… well, she's getting up there… she might not be around forever."

" Fat chance. I bet she's some kinda demon, cuz I don't think anything will ever kill her" Faith grumbles.

" Faith!"

" Sorry, Red if I stepped on your sensibilities, but … right now? Don't care!"

They sit for awhile just staring out into the street, each in their own little mind space.

" Wanna go?" Faith breaks the silence.

" Only about 2 hours ago, " Willow quips.

" Yeah, well… now you met the Fam. Whattya think?" Faith gives her a glance.

" I think you need years of psychotherapy, Faith. But all in all, you're not totally screwed up."

" Gee, thanks. I love you too!" Faith grins.

" Don't worry, I'll be right there with you. I'll need therapy trying to deal with your therapy."

Faith just rolls her eyes, and starts to walk off towards their hotel. Willow catches up and slips her arm through Faith's. Faith looks at her, she looks at Faith, and they quietly walk away.

They don't notice Jeffries looking out the window from the grandmother's brownstone. He watches them until they're gone, then he turns back into the room.

" You should've told her why. Told her everything." He says to Mrs. Delano.

" I think that was more than enough, Henry. She's got too much on her plate right now. There'll be time for the rest later."

" I hope you're right," Henry looks out the window again, " I just hope you're right".

The door to the elevator opens, and Faith and Willow are in a clutch, kissing madly. The door starts to close, but Faith catches it with her foot.

" We're here" Faith says, returning her lips to Willow's

" Hmmm? Oh, on our floor, right" Willow replies, returning her lips to Faith's.

" Think we should get off this time?"

" Spoilsport," Willow says, kissing Faith again.

" We've been up and down 5 times now. Thinking maybe someone else might want to use the elevator."

" If you're gonna be that way about it, " Willow pretends to pout, but she walks out of the elevator, " you're no fun." She pulls Faith out after her, and putting her arms around her, kisses her again.

" Really? Then maybe you wanna stop kissing me?" Faith mumbles, while her lips are being mooshed by Willow.

" Let me think about that. No" Willow giggles, and kisses her again.

Faith scoops Willow up, carrying her down the hall. Willow squirms and waves her legs and giggles.

" No fair using slayer strength". Mischievously, she tweaks Faiths' breast.

" Right. Like you don't use magic."

They stop in front of their door, and kiss awhile longer.

"Well, that's different" Willow protests, weakly.

" And that would be how?" Faith asks.

" Are you complaining?" Willow giggles.

" No," Faith grins, and reaches for her key card. As she applies it to the lock, she feels something go through her. Her expression turns serious. She puts Willow down.

" What? What's wrong?" Willow asks, seeing Faith's expression.

"Don't know. Just sense something's not right in there." She listens at the door, but doesn't hear anything." Wait here".

" Hey, no macho stuff, girlfriend. I'm going with." Willow starts to follow, but Faith stops her.

" Please, just wait. Let me check it out." Before Willow can protest further, Faith's in the door and has closed it behind her.

Faith moves carefully through the darkened room. She reaches a light switch, but goes by it… she doesn't want to tip off whoever or whatever is in the suite. She's moving cautiously towards the bedroom when the light comes on.

Faith whirls, and sees a tall man sitting in the chair by the table lamp. His hands are steepled under his chin, and he's staring with some amusement at Faith.

" Hello, Faith. I've been waiting a long time for you."

* * *

To be continued. 


	13. Part 13

Independence

By Norwalker

Part 13 of

Summary: What did Willow and Faith discuss in that little car trip from L.A. to Sunnydale in season 7? And what were the consequences? A Willow/ Faith story

Rating: R, Very R

Category: romance/drama/angst

Spoilers: Possible season 7 spoilers. Possible season 4 Angel spoilers. C'mon, you must have seen 'em by now!

Time Line: Mid season 7(after the return of Faith) and beyond

Disclaimer: Joss Whedon , Mutant Enemy and Fox own them.

Warnings: Adult themes, violence, sexual situations between members of the same gender. Please be aware, character death is always a distinct possibility. It can happen here, so don't say I didn't warn you!!! Any racist remarks are spoken by the characters, and are in no way shared by the author. **This story is not meant for children**.

* * *

" Hello, Faith. I've been waiting a long time for you." 

Faith watches warily as the tall man seems to uncoil himself from the chair. The movement eerily reminds her of a snake readying for the strike. All her instincts are buzzing, and she sets herself in a fighting posture.

"Daddy" Faith almost spits out the word. " Love to say it's nice to see you, but that's bogus. What's wrong, couldn't your boss wait for our little appointment?"

Faith's senses are humming, as if a demon is in the room. She circles her Father, using the movement to check out the rest of the front room. _Nothing. Why am I sensing demon?_

" No need to get all tense, Faith. I'm not here to fight with you," Paul DeMarco says, following her around, almost instinctively. " Just want to chat." His movements are sinuous, almost serpent like.

" I got trust issues. Don't like chatting with guys that break into my room," Faith growls, instinctively feeling danger from him." Speak your piece, then get out"

" Now, Faith, is that any way to talk to your father?" Paul says. Quick as lightning, he reaches out, grabbing her shoulders and stopping her in her tracks. " Stand still."

"Get your hands off me, unless you want to lose them, " Faith says. Seeing no response, she repeats herself, in Italian, "Lasciare mi andare , Bastardo"

"Ah. Tutto buono , tu parlare Italiano. Che sbagliato , piccolo ragazza? Impaurito?( Very good, you speak Italian. What's wrong, little girl? Afraid?)". While he's speaking, Paul pulls Faith into a bear hug, holding her tight around her shoulders." Sei mio figlia. Io vuole non far male tu. ( You're my daughter. I wouldn't hurt you)"

" Afraid? Of you?" Faith stamps her foot onto his instep, and he howls, releasing her for a moment. She uses that to grab him and throw him over her shoulder, and onto floor. She kneels over him, knife in hand." Oh, and the daughter part, dickhead? You're nothing but a sperm donor" She brushes the knife against his cheek. It's then when she sees it… the mark of the demon. Behind his ear. Shocked, she backs off.

" Very good, Fede" Paul purrs, sitting up, " you're as strong as I've heard. That'll make it all the better."

" You, you're the demon, " Faith almost whispers. She backs away from him.

" Yes," Paul says, watching her. " They didn't tell you. How droll."

" Where are your bodyguards? They said they're with you all the time." Faith looks around. She goes to the bedroom door, and opens it, looking in. " Where are they?"

" I don't need them. Not to see my daughter, do I?" Paul says, standing up. " What's wrong, Faith? Can't do it after all?"

" Not doing it here."

" Why not, Faith? Here's as good as anywhere."

"That wasn't the deal. This is my room. I'll be back in prison faster than…"

" Don't worry, Faith. I'm sure Wolfram and Hart will provide the best lawyers… anywhere." Paul comes over to her, towering over her. " Not like you haven't been in prison before."

" Yeah, well, not really jonesing to go back, if you catch my drift" Faith says, pushing him away, walking to another part of the room.

" Quit stalling, Faith. I paid for this" Paul goes over and puts his hand on her shoulders. " C'mon, Faith, you can do it. I know you're a murderer. You've done it before. Should be easy for you."

" Back off, prick" Faith mutters.

" Guess you need a little incentive then," Paul pulls a little black box out of his pocket, and presses a button.

The door to the suite bursts open, and Willow comes in, pushed by two burly looking men. The men leave her standing by the doorway, and advance on Paul, grabbing him by his arms. They force him to his knees and hold him down.

" Please, Faith, cara, don't, please don't do this," Paul pleads. He switches to Italian." Ecco il mio il trattare , Fede. Fare che hai stato contratto -fuori verso fare , e tuo piccolo amico bestiame. Fare non , e lei dadi. Mio uomini testamento assassinio suo prima puoi pari pensare verso salvo suo. CosØ , caro , eseguire il rituale , o lei dadi. Capire?( Here's the deal, Faith. Do what you've been contracted to do, and your little friend lives. Don't, and she dies. My men will kill her before you can even think to save her. So, dear, perform the ritual, or she dies. Understand?). Please, I know I did wrong. Don't kill me!"

" Faith?" Willow says, from the doorway, "What's going on? Who are these guys?"

" Red, leave. Get out of here!" Faith turns to Willow," Go. Now!"

" No! Please, Miss… Red? I… I'm so scared. Faith is crazy. She wants to kill me. Please, stay!" Paul again goes to Italian. " Se lei prove verso lasciare , Fede , lei testamento essere assassino. Meglio tenere suo qui!.(If she tries to leave, Faith, she'll be killed. Better keep her here!)." Paul turns to Willow, " Please, Miss… don't leave me here with her. I don't want to die. She's going to kill me!"

" Faith? You're going to kill him? Why? He's your father. Don't do this, please baby" Willow pleads with Faith.

Faith feels the trap closing in on her. _The bastard. He's got me. I gotta kill him, here, now, or Red's dead. Damn him… why's he doing this to me? What'd I ever do to him?_

" Red, you've got to believe me. I don't want to kill him, he's forcing me to."

"That's not true, Miss Red. I came to surprise her, make up for the way I've neglected her. She went mad, she… called these men in… and now she's going to kill me!"

The bodyguard on Paul's right addresses Faith. " Faith, should we tie him up now?"

" Please, Faith, don't kill me! Please!" Paul pleads convincingly.

" You bastard!" Faith hisses.

"Shut up, you!" The bodyguard on the left hits Paul.

" Faith, stop this. Don't do it. He's not worth it. Just walk away, please!" Willow is in front of Faith, begging her.

" I can't, Red, I can't" Faith says, regretfully. She pushes Willow out of the way. She reaches in her boot, and extracts a dagger… the blessed dagger. She smiles… it's a cold, hard smile, to match the expression on her face.

" No, Faith, don't!" Willow calls out. She runs after Faith, and grabs her arm, trying to stop her.

" Shut up, Red. I've got no choice." Faith pushes Willow away, against the door. Willow slumps down, sitting on the floor. She covers her eyes.

" Please, Faith, don't kill me, I'll do anything, give you anything!"

" Perch‚ Perch‚ sei tu fare questo verso me?(Why? Why are you doing this to me?)" Faith pleads

"Tu pazzo. Tu pensare IO vuole lasciare tu essere felice? IO odio tu ed io , tuo oh cosØ giusto famiglia. Sei immondezza presente , Fede. Lei testamento odio tu , sempre odio tu poich‚ questo. Tu testamento avere niente sinistro solo che sei. mio figlia. Presente tu testamento essere il demonio dovresti essere , cagna.( You fool. Did you think I'd let you be happy? I hate you, and your oh- so -righteous family. You're garbage now, Faith. She'll hate you, always hate you for this. You'll have nothing left but what you are... my daughter. Now you'll be the demon you should be, bitch.)"

Faith's anger turns cold. She comes behind Paul, and grabs his hair. She exposes his throat, and runs the flat of the blade over it.

"Papê , Ho un messaggio poich tu , da un vecchio amico.( Daddy, I have a message for you, from an old friend)" Faith whispers to him, caressing his neck with the flat of the blade.

" SØ , caro , che è?( Yes, dear, what is it?)" Paul replies, happily. He's won.

Faith puts the tip of the knife to his throat. " Angel sends his love."

Paul's eyes go wide, realizing that he's been betrayed. " Nooo!" He yells, but that's all he says.

Faith takes the knife, and in one stroke, cuts his throat nearly through. His blood, and his life, gushes out from the wound. His body falls over onto the carpet.

The bodyguards, reacting to their master's cry, turn to Faith, looking puzzled. She doesn't hesitate, but runs the blade across each of their throats, ending their lives, too. They fall over onto Paul's body.

Faith stands over them, holding the now bloodied dagger. She herself is covered in blood. Her expression is cold and cruel… no love is lost here. For a minute she forgets everything but the bodies in front of her, until she hears a moan from the doorway.

" Nooo….goddess…Faith… what did you do?" Willow is sitting there, looking frightened and shocked and sick. Faith turns around, still holding the blade.

" Red, no, baby. Please. He made me do it. He said he'd kill you if I didn't do it"

" He made you kill him? What kind of sick joke is that? No one wants to die… " Willow, wide eyed, gets up on her feet. She's pressed to the door, shaking.

" Willow… please, I'm not lying…" Faith starts to walk towards her. She forgets she still has the knife in her hand.

" NO! GET AWAY FROM ME! YOU… MURDERING BITCH!" Willow screams. She throws out her arms and casts a spell.

Faith finds herself flying through the air, away from Willow. She crashes into the wall, and slides down it, stunned.

Willow opens the door, and runs out, slamming it after herself. Sick, shaken and confused, Willow looks around, forgetting where the exits are. She finds the stairs, and runs down the stairway, fleeing from the images haunting her.

A few moments later, Faith stumbles out of the door, looking for her.

" RED! WILLOW! COME BACK" She calls out, but Willow is gone. Doors in the hallway open, and Faith retreats back to her room. Slamming the door, she slumps to the floor, in shock.

_Gone. She's gone. _She starts to laugh. It's a chilling sound, born of hysteria._ You were right, daddy. She hates me. Good work. She thinks I'm a killer, a murderer. You're good, daddy, real good. Real good._

Faith stands, and walks over to where the bodies lay on the floor. She looks down at them, her expression cold and hateful. She moves to the body of Paul DeMarco, and spits on it.

So, daddy, things didn't quite work out for you. Poor Daddy. I hope you're rotting in the hell I sent you to. Bastard. BASTARD!

Her rage takes over, and she kicks the corpse. She raises her foot, and brings the boot heel down squarely in his lifeless face. Over and over, she kicks it, her smile frozen on her face, cold and cynical.

Tiring of the game, she walks away, circling the corpses, shaking her head. _You thought you knew it all, you morons. But I got you. I got you all in the end. I win, I Win I WIN!!!_

She starts laughing. She jumps up and down, raising her arms over her head. " I win, I win you pricks. I WIN!" Her laughter goes out of control, and she wanders around the suite, laughing and mumbling " I win" over and over. Finally, she sits down, hard, on the floor. Her laughter turns to tears, and she cries over what she's lost. Her life, and her love.

After awhile, she pulls herself together, and stands up. She wanders around, and finds her purse where she dropped it. Rifling through it, she pulls out the cell phone Angel gave her. She dials the first number in the speed dial.

" This is Faith. Yeah, it's done. But I need a clean up. I need you to send a crew to 15 Beacon St. Suite 515. No, it didn't go off exactly as planned, but it went off. Just send the crew over, now!" Faith hangs up, staring at the phone. _Idiots._

She hesitates to call the second number. She knows Angel is going to be upset about Willow being involved in the…_don't sugar coat it, Faith. It was an execution, plain and simple. Well, big boy, tough! Not my fault you're target gets tricky and shows up at my hotel room. Not my fault he…_ Faith punches # 2 on the speed dial, and listens as the phone rings.

" Hello, Angel? Yeah, well, it's done. He's dead… but there's a complication…"

* * *

Hours later, Willow is still wandering around in a daze. 

She's not sure exactly where she is, and she doesn't care. All she can think about, all that's burned in her brain, is that scene in the apartment. She looks down at her suit jacket, and sees blood. She ditches it, and continues wandering, trying to get a grasp on sanity.

She feels like she can't breathe. Her legs are shaky and weak. She wants to vomit. She can still smell the coppery scent of blood. Feeling her stomach coming up on her, she ducks into an alley, and retches, her body shuddering. Feeling feverish, she leans against the wall of the alley, hoping she'll stay up and not fall down.

_Oh, god, why? What happened, what made her do it? Oh, man… she killed her father. Why? I don't … the blood… god, the blood._ Willow leans over, starting to heave again. _That look … that look she had on her face… like, it meant nothing. So cold! How could she do it? How could she do that?_ Willow stands up, then leans over again as another wave of nausea hits her. _What did he do to her? What did he say that made her like that… she looked so much like the ' bad old Faith'. That wasn't her… she isn't a killer, I know it. Not now. She's changed… I know it. I saw how she was when those potentials died. It was like she lost her family. She couldn't just kill somebody in cold blood… not like that. He must've done something to her. Something awful… god, why did I have to see that? oh, goddess… _She starts retching again, nothing coming out. She stands again, and leans wearily against the wall. Her throat is sore from heaving, her eyes are red from crying, and her heart is breaking._ How, how could she be a killer. So cold… how could I be so wrong about her?_

Willow leaves the alley; the closeness of the walls, and the stench is just making her feel worse. She takes a deep lungful of air, hoping that'll make her feel less woozy, and it works. She feels a little steadier, a little more in control. Her heart, however, still aches. And her mind can't help but flash back to the killings. She shakes her head, trying to clear it. She knows she's missing something important. _Why would she do it? Why in front of me? She said he was forcing her to do it, but why? Why would he want to die? It just doesn't make sense. None of it makes sense. Those men, the ones who held him down, where did they come from? Her father said she called them… but … it doesn't make sense… they didn't have time to get there from anywhere… and… they looked familiar… where've I seen them before…?_

It hits her like a lightning strike. _The pictures! They were the other men in the pictures. Faith said they were friends of her father… I think… god, I can't remember. But why would they be in pictures with her father, if he didn't know them? She wasn't lying… he was lying. He made her do it! Why? Shit, I don't care, I gotta get to her… she's alone… goddess, she… she thinks I hate her… _

Willow, frantic, looks around, and realizes she's wandered a long way from the hotel. She hasn't a clue where she is._ Crap! I don't have my purse, either. Shit, can't get a cab!_ She starts looking around, going from person to person, trying to get directions back to the hotel. Most people just avoid her, or ignore her. But finally someone gives her directions. She thanks him profusely, and following his directions, starts back towards the hotel.

_Goddess, just don't let me be too late._

_

* * *

_

Faith stands in the middle of the suite, watching as the crew puts the finishing touches on the clean up. Her face is calm, a slight frown on her lips. Her eyes are flinty hard, glancing here and there around the room.

_Gotta admit, these boys know their stuff. Couldn't even tell anything happened. Oh yeah, no murder here. Uh-uh._ She looks down at her hands, almost expecting to see blood. She feels her stomach churning. _Oh, get over it, Faith. It's done. So just grow up, already._

" Were done here, Miss. Any further instruction?" One of the cleanup crew, the leader, comes up to Faith.

" You know what to do with the 'packages', right?" Faith asks, her tone neutral, all business.

" Yeah, we got the instructions."

" Great, you guys did good. Looks great." She nods, and the man starts to leave. " Wait a second"

" Yeah?" The man turns back to her.

" Tell Angel…" She starts, then changes her mind, " Never mind, I'll tell him myself, next time I see him."

" Ok," The man shrugs, and leaves. Faith is left alone in the suite.

For a couple of minutes, she doesn't move, as if trying to figure out her next move. But she already knows what she has to do. Get out of here before Willow returns. She walks into the bedroom, and flips on the light, heading for the bed where her bag is sitting. She lifts it up, having packed while the cleaners were working in the other room. Again she stands still. She can still smell Willow in the room, and she finds it hard to leave. She walks over to Willow's side of the bed, touching the pillow lying there.

" I'm sorry, baby" Faith says quietly. She looks down, in her mind's eye seeing Willow sleeping there. After a moment, she straightens up, shaking off the pain. She leaves the bedroom, and moves toward the hallway door. She reaches out to open it, then stops, and turns to look at the suite one last time. As if saying goodbye to this part of her life. She turns, and leaves.

Riding down the elevator, she tries hard to block out the memory that just a couple of hours ago, she and Willow were in this car, this very car, making out and giggling and … _fuck it, that's over. Quit being such a wuss, Faith._ The doors on the elevator open, and she crosses the lobby to the reception desk.

" Can I help you, Miss?" the clerk behind the counter asks.

" I'm checking out of suite 515. However, my friend may be staying longer. Just charge everything to the card you have on file"

" Very good Miss… Rosenberg?"

" No, DeMarco. Ms. Rosenberg will be staying on."

" Very well"

" Oh, and if you would, please see she gets this?" Faith hands the clerk an envelope.

" Of course. I hope you enjoyed your stay at 15 Beacon, Ms. DeMarco?"

" Oh yeah, it was great" Faith says, trying to keep the irony out of her voice.

Faith crosses the hotel lobby to the elevators leading to the parking garage below the hotel. As she waits for the car to arrive, questions start popping up in her mind.

_So, where now, Faith? Gonna run away again? I mean, you really got this one down to a science. Fuck up and then run. You ever gonna stop and just face things, Faith? Or is running your answer to everything?_

Faith enters the elevator, and pushes the button.

_So, where to, Faith? Back to the grandmother's? Yeah, right. I think I blew up that bridge this afternoon. Like I really want to hang out with those sick-os. _Faith chuckles bitterly. _Oh yeah, that's a good one, Faith. The pot calling the kettle black, huh? You're the sick-o, bitch. Blood on your hands, baby. Daddy's blood. Yeah, well, he was a demon, and he got what he deserved. Oh, and those bodyguards, they were demons? No, but they weren't exactly innocents, either. They had plenty of blood on their hands. And that makes it right, killing them? They were fucking cold blooded killers. They had it coming. Yeah, what about you, baby? You have it coming? _

Faith makes a frustrated noise. _This is stupid. It's done. Nothing can undo it. Just gotta figure where the hell I'm going now._ Faith reaches the garage, and exits the elevator, looking around for her bike. _So, where to? Back to L.A. ? Yeah, what's there for me? Pretty much nothing. Everywhere has pretty much nothing for me. Shit on this, I'll figure it out later, thing is, get outta here, now. Can't … can't face her. I just can't._

Faith pauses, remembering the look in Willow's eyes. The horror she saw there, the … fear. Something she never wanted to see in Willow's eyes. Fear. Fear of her. Faith feels her stomach knot up. She wants to hit something, hurt something, break something. She trudges on, forcing herself to find her bike. She finally spots it, parked next to Willow's red bike. She hurries over and ties her bag on the back. She tries to ignore the red motorcycle next to hers, tries to pretend it doesn't mean anything to her. That it's just a bike, nothing more. But her eyes keep drifting over to it, imagining the red-haired witch sitting on it, smiling, laughing. She reaches out, and touches it, caressing it. Almost as if it were precious. She walks over, and hops on the seat, putting her hands where her lover's hands were, sitting on the seat where her lover sat. She closes her eyes, and imagines Willow riding in front of her, those god-awful pink leathers making her look so silly and so wonderful at the same time. She fights them, but the tears come anyway. She'll never see Willow riding ahead of her again. She'll never feel the touch of her hand again. Never taste her lips again. Never feel Willow in her arms again. None of that, it's gone. It's over. All over.

_So, Faith? Who are you? What are you?_

_Slayer?_

_Slut?_

_Killer?_

_Hero?   
Lover?_

_Friend?_

_All of that? None of that?_

_Or just that girl, that little girl that wants someone to love her? Wants it so bad she'd sell her soul to make tonight go away?_

_Or maybe, something else. Something you don't know about?_

_Dunno, I just dunno._

_Maybe it's time to find out._

Faith gets off Willow's bike, and gets on her own. She starts the engine, and sits idling for awhile. Then she puts the bike in gear, and drives off into the night.

* * *

Willow hesitates at the entrance to the hotel. 

She's afraid of what she'll find inside. Police, and questions. And Faith in handcuffs, looking defiant and angry. Willow seeing her like that, knowing she's scared, needing to be held, and won't be able to do it. And the blood… afraid to see the blood again. And explaining what happened… trying to make it not seem like Faith's fault. She feels her stomach start to turn over again.

As quietly and unobtrusively as possible, Willow moves towards the entrance, looking in. Expecting to see Police in the lobby, waiting. For her. She's a little surprised when everything looks normal. _Weird. Maybe… no one's discovered what happened yet?_ Willow walks into the lobby, and keeping away from the main crowd, makes her way to the elevators.

Riding up, she braces herself. _Even if, somehow, it hasn't been discovered… there's still all that blood … ok, Willow, don't yak now… just hold on._ It suddenly occurs to her that things might not be as they seem._ What if it's a trap? That they've got guys on the floor, waiting for one of us to show up? And I step off the elevator, and they grab me and handcuff me and then they question me, and I break down, and they arrest Faith, and then there's a trial, and she's convicted, and she hates me because I ratted her out…STOP IT!!! There's no time for that, Will. _

Willow steps off the elevator, relief pouring over her when she finds no police waiting for her. No police at all… and everything still looking normal. _Ok, so far, so good… but I still gotta go in there, face the mess, help Faith out somehow… . _Stomach doing flip flops, the butterflies having turned to dragons, she walks down the hall… what feels like the longest walk in her life. She pauses at the door, still not wanting to see that scene again. But knowing that she's got to do something. _Gonna be kinda suspicious if I just stand out here all night._ Sighing, bracing herself, she slides her keycard through the reader and lets herself in the suite.

The first thing that hits her is the smell of cleaning solution and deodorant._ Ok, weird… again._ The suite is dark, so she flips on the lights… and nearly faints. _NO blood… no bodies… nothing!_ She walks around, looking, but it looks as if nothing happened.

" Faith?" Willow calls out, hoping she's in the bedroom. Hoping maybe the last few hours have been a nightmare, and it's all ok, nothing happened, everything's good. " Faith?!!" She calls out, louder, but gets no response. Her hope starts to wither as she goes to the bedroom door.

She opens the door, and flips on the light… and Faith isn't there. She looks around, and notices Faith's bag is gone. _Oh, damn._ She hurries over to the closet, and opens it. Faith's clothes are gone. _Oh, damn, oh damn!_ She hits the dresser next… everything that belongs to Faith is gone. She looks around for a note, anything… but nothing. All gone, without a trace, without so much as a goodbye.

Willow feels her bottom lip begin to tremble. _Not now, no time for that now. I gotta find her._ She sits down, trying to think of where Faith would've gone, but her emotions betray her. Everything that happened that night catches up to her, and it feels like she slammed into a brick wall. Her body starts to shake, and she unconsciously starts to rock forward and back, back and forward. _No, no, no! I don't have TIME for this. I gotta find her. Where? Where would she go? Oh, god, where is she? Is she ok? What if that monster's thugs came and got her? Oh… what if she's hurt somewhere, dying, all alone? No, no, no, no can't think that way. She's ok, she's gotta be ok… but she's out there alone, all alone… where?_

Willow tries to get up, tries to move, but finds she can't. She starts to shake harder, and the sobs start to come, and then the tears, and she's overcome. She sits there, crying, hunched over and feeling like her guts are on fire. Her body gives way, and she falls back on the bed, overcome with grief and anguish and just plain hurt.

She just wishes Faith were here. They could figure it out together, but she's not here, and she doesn't know what to do… where to go to find her. But she's got to find her somehow, someway. But right now, she can't think of that, think of anything.

_Faith's gone… she's gone_. That keeps running over and over in her mind, the thought hurting her in ways she never knew she could hurt.

Worse, she knows that Faith isn't coming back.

Ever.

* * *

Faith brings her bike up the dirt road that was so familiar to her. One she used to hike up all the time in summers, so long ago. When things seemed less confused, less strange. 

Her headlight hits the chain-link fence. Posted on the fence is an old sign, worn by weather and age.

**Private Property. No Trespassers**

**Violators will be Prosecuted.**

Faith had to laugh. That sign had been there since she was a child, and it never kept anyone out. Not anyone that really wanted to get in. She and the 'gang' of kids she hung out with always went through the rip in the fence (which they made) to get to the old quarry behind the fence. It was their favorite swimming hole, and they weren't going to let adults tell them they couldn't go there.

Faith doesn't even know why she came here tonight. _Crazy, this is just crazy._ Maybe she just wanted a place where she feels she knows herself, or at least used to know herself, once, long ago. Whatever the reason, she slips under the rip in the fencing, and pulling out her flashlight, scans the area around the old quarry hole. Her boots crunching in the loose gravel around the old quarry pit, her light illuminates the area around the water filled hole._ Hasn't changed much,_ she thinks, as she plays the light around. She sees the scraggly bushes that try to grow out of the hard packed earth around the quarry pit, the gravel 'beach' where they would lie out and dry off after swimming, and the cliff… the high rise of slag and debris, must be 40 feet tall, where she would dive off into the pool below. A little smile pushes up the corners of her mouth as she remembers standing on top of the heap, looking down at the other kids, ready to dive in. _They all were chicken. They wouldn't do it. But I would. Man, I musta been brave, or crazy, or a moron… or all of that._ All she knows that it was all so clear for her up there; things were simple, she knew what was what, and had no fear.

Standing here now, she wonders why she came here. _Maybe I was hoping I'd get some idea of who I am again, something would click in my head. Something._ She squats down on the gravel, picking up the irregularly shaped stones. She starts tossing them into the quarry, hearing them splash through the water as they sink to the bottom… a hundred feet below. She wishes that she could toss away her fears, her uncertainties, her troubles as easily as she's tossing the gravel… let them sink out of sight, never to bother her again. But she knows that's just stupid thinking. She knew she had to face it down, deal with it. Not right now. Right now she just wanted to be here, be quiet. She didn't even want to think, really. Just be. Most of all, she wanted to be here with Willow, or be wherever Willow was. Just holding her. Feeling her warmth, letting the contact reassure her that it was ok, everything was ok. _More stupid thinking_ Faith sighs to herself.

She saw the look on Willow's face tonight. The hurt, the betrayal … the fear. _God, her eyes … I can see her eyes… how she looked at me… as if I would come for her next. Everything we've been through, everything we fought about, talked about, worked out… gone. Trust. Gone. Love? Gone. All gone in the stroke of a knife. Slashed and shredded and left on the floor. Bastard. He got off too easy for what he did to me. He should fucking die a million times, each one painful and slow, to pay. It's his fault, all his fucking fault._

_Yeah, sure Faith. That's easy. Never mind you weren't honest with Red from the first. You never told her what you were gonna do. You just figured you could hide it from her. Yeah, ok, Angel said she wasn't to know about it. But fuck Angel. I shoulda told her. I didn't, and now she only knows what she saw. Faith the Psycho-killer-bitch is back, in full force. She watched me kill him and his bodyguards. What the hell do you expect her to think, idiot? She saw you do the slice and dice, for god's sake. Then you go and lamely blame daddy deadest, and of course she's thinking, like any sane person would, why would he want to die? At my hand? Crap, perfect, perfect, and damned just perfect. Daddy gets to put the shaft to me one last time, killing anything I had with her._

Faith, however, can't help but feel a little betrayed by Willow. _She said she loved me, but doesn't that mean she believes in me? Couldn't she at least try to understand what happened? Listen to my side of things? No, ma'am, she just jumps to the conclusion that all the years I spent in prison, all the work I did to … change… were nothing, that I reverted back to killer Faith as soon as I got a chance. Well, baby, if you don't get it, that really sucks. I mean, talk about being hurt? Shit, don't I got a right to be hurt here? Oh, hell no. Not me, I don't deserve the benefit of the doubt, huh? Gonna be paying all my life for my screw ups, right, Red? Never mind you aren't exactly one of God's little Angels, either. Seems to me you have a bit of blood on your hands. I'd believe in you… why can't you believe in me? Now, when I really need it?_

Faith gets up, and kicks at the gravel. She really wants something to break, to hurt. Kind of like she's hurting right now. _Maybe that's the first lesson, Faith, babe. When the chips are down, you gotta know that the only one that you can depend on is you. They'll leave you, forget you, and turn their back on you; so you gotta watch your own back. You can count on you, and that's about it._

Faith in anger, starts grabbing handfuls of gravel, and heaving them into the water, one after another after another until she finally gets tired of it, and just stands there, her body tense, and her fists curled tight.

_This aint helpin. I know it's time I learned more about me, who I am , and I guess that leaves only one place to go_.

Without another sound, Faith turns and walks away from the quarry. She knows now were she has to go, even if she doesn't want to go there. But she has to know, know who she is. She slips back through the fence, hops her bike, and keys the ignition. With a roar, she points her bike back towards Boston.

* * *

Willow sits up suddenly, just realizing she's fallen asleep. She looks blearily at the clock radio on the nightstand and sees it's 3 am. She groans. _Damn, I didn't mean to sleep. I don't have TIME to sleep. I gotta find her. She's gotta be out there somewhere, and here I am, snoozing._ But she's tired , incredibly tired. _I'll just rest my eyes for a second…_

Willow nearly jumps a foot when she hears the door to the suite burst in. She gets up and carefully looks into the front room. She sees a group of policemen looking around the suite. She walks out of the door, and the group parts. IN the center are Principle Snyder, and Mayor Richard Wilkins.

" Well, golly isn't this a mess?" the Mayor, looking at the suite, smiles a goofy smile. He looks over Willow's shoulder, " Well, hello Faith. It's been a long time, I must say. Glad to see you haven't lost your touch!"

" Thanks, boss. But hey, not mine!"

Willow whirls around at Faith's voice, and sees the bodies , the blood, everything returned to how it was before she left. Faith is standing by the bodies, holding the knife with her thumb and forefinger.

" What? This isn't… it can't be real!" Willow protests, trying to cover for Faith.

" I assure it's very really, missy," Snyder sneers, looking at Willow," though I have to say, not unexpected. I always knew you'd come to a bad end, Rosenberg. Hanging out with those weirdos you call friends."

" Huh? I don't get it… what do you mean?" Willow says, looking confused.

" Why'd you do it, Red? I mean, geeze, killing these guys…" Faith says. She turns to the Mayor and Snyder, " I'm glad you're here. She was scary. I mean, I found these guys lying here, and the knife… and she was standing here covered in blood…"

" No, that… that's not it, not at all. I didn't kill anyone. She killed them." Willow starts to panic, especially when she sees the looks Snyder and the Mayor are giving her.

" Tsk, tsk. That's not very nice, accusing someone else of murder, when you know you did it, " the Mayor says, " I mean, I know my Faith wouldn't kill anyone… unless I told her to."

" Trying to weasel out of it, Rosenberg? How do you explain the blood all over you?" Snyder stares at her.

Willow looks down, and sees herself spattered with blood. She has blood on her hand, and all over her clothing.

" But… but, this… I didn't… I mean…" She's looking to Faith for help, but Faith is looking at her like the others. Like she's guilty.

" Faith, you got to tell them. I didn't do it. You know I didn't do it," Willow says, really getting scared now.

" I do? Gee, Red, I can't say that. I mean, it's not like you haven't killed before, " Faith points at the bodies, and Willow realizes one of them is Warren, flayed. She gasps, and backs up right into the wall. " You think I should take the blame for your stuff, Red? I thought you loved me."

" Yes… no… I mean… yes… no… no… oh, goddess, I don't know what I mean, " Willow moans, sinking down the wall.

Faith comes over to her, a strange expression on her face. " But you thought I was guilty, didn't you? I mean, I saw your eyes, Red. I felt your fear. You thought I reverted to Psycho-killer girl again, without even giving me a chance. Isn't that right?"

" Faith… I…." Willow cries. " I didn't know what to think."

" PCP, " Snyder says, shaking his head.

The mayor nods his head," I don't know what's with young people today. No respect, no patience. Just kill and kill, then blow up the Mayor when he wants to bring order to the town. Can you believe it?"

" You seemed to know what to think, Red. I was evil, that's what you thought. What was it you called me? Oh yeah, murdering bitch. Right"

" I was scared…" Willow says, lamely.

" Of me. Because you still don't trust me, Red. You're willing to believe that I would just kill somebody out of rage. You didn't even stop to think, did you?" Faith looks at her, sad expression on her face." You still don't see me, Willow. Not the real me."

" What do you expect, Faith?" Willow turns on her, " you talk about trust, but do you trust me? Do you tell me everything? Or even, most things? Don't think so! I'm not a child, Faith. I can deal, if you'll only trust me."

" Enough from you, young lady!" the Mayor says, grabbing her arm and pulling her to her feet. He turns to Snyder. " The young people are the future of this country. They need a firm hand, to guide them on the right path, don't you agree?"

" Oh, most certainly, " Snyder says, grabbing Willow's other arm, " Discipline. There's simply not enough discipline in the young people of today." He handcuffs her.

" Faith… please, don't let them do this to me."

" Not only can we do this, but there's precedent. And, frankly, I'm almost tingling," Snyder sneers, " Oh, by the way? You're expelled, Ms. Rosenberg."

" I hope you're learning a lesson from all of this, young lady, " the Mayor says, " this is what happens when you're defiant of authority. When you accuse people falsely, and jump to conclusions. Oh, yes, and when you forget to wash your hands." Wilkins pulls out a box of moist towelettes, opens the box, and uses one to wipe his hands. " Yuck, germs. Nasty things, so unsanitary!" He offers one to Willow.

She looks at him like he's crazy. She looks at them like they're all crazy. She struggles, but Snyder and the Mayor just hold her all the tighter.

" Please… Faith… don't let them do this … help me" Willow begs her.

" Sorry, Red, " Faith says, shrugging, " You should've believed in me. Trusted me. Goodbye, Red. Be good and take your punishment." Faith turns her back on her.

" Good for you, Faith," Mayor Wilkins says, " I knew you could do better than her!"

" You know, I think I'm having another tingle moment" Snyder says. With the help of the mayor, he starts to drag Willow away.

" Noooooooo"

" Noooooooo" Willow, struggling with the bed sheets, wakes up, really wakes up this time. She looks around, and sees the clock on the nightstand. 3:30 am. Freeing herself from the tangle, she gets up, feeling disoriented. She walks into the bathroom, and splashes cold water on her face. Looking at herself in the mirror, she looks almost as bad as she feels. Her eyes are all puffy and red from crying. Her clothes are disheveled, as if she's been on a drunk. And her mouth feels like 1000 barefoot demons have been marching through it. She feels like she wants to cry again. _Feeling sorry for yourself isn't helping, Will. Get with it._

Forcing herself, she straightens up, and then strips off her clothing. She turns on the shower, and lets the warm water wash over her, the tiny needles of hot water penetrating her skin and muscle, relaxing her a little. She stands there for a few minutes, just letting the water wash over her, not thinking, just feeling. Finally, she quickly soaps down, and rinses off, and hops out… feeling better, if not quite herself. Toweling down, she walks back into the bedroom, and dresses. She looks at the clock. 3:45 am. _Still too early to do much of anything. Goddess, why did I have to fall asleep? Faith might be anywhere by now. I just wish she'd left me a note, something, … anything._ It occurs to her that maybe she did leave a note. _I never looked, not really._

She spends the next ten minutes tearing the room apart, vainly looking for a note. When she's done, the place looks like it's been hit by a hurricane, but no note. _Damn, nothing. She must really be pissed off at me._ It's then that she notices the flashing light on the phone. She walks over to it, and sees it's indicating she has a message. She picks up the phone, and hears it ring through.

" Front Desk"

"Yes, this is Ms. Rosenberg in suite 515. Is there a message for me?"

" I'll check"

The clerk is gone for a few seconds, then comes back on the line. " Yes, Ms. Rosenberg, there's an envelope down here at the front desk for you."

Willow feels her hope spark to life. " Great, I'll be right down to get it."

" Very well, Ms. Rosenberg. Or I can have it brought to your suite."

" Really? Great, do that"

" Very good, Ms. Rosenberg."

Willow walks into the front room, and spends the next few minutes nervously pacing. Finally, there is a soft knock at the door, and she runs to answer it.

" Ms. Rosenberg? The desk clerk asked me to bring this up" The bellman says.

Willow tips the bellman, and taking the letter, closes the door. For a moment she stares at the envelope, afraid to open it. Afraid it won't be from Faith. Finally, she tears it open , and reads the message inside.

_Dear Willow,_

_I really fucked up this time. I know you must think I've gone insane. What happened tonight must've freaked you, totally. I know that. There's an explanation, honestly. I didn't kill him just because I hate him. I admit hating him. But there was a reason. I'm just not sure you'll believe me right now._

_I don't know how to make it right with you. I don't know if I can make it right with you. But I want to try. I've got to make this right with you, somehow._

_So what I'm going to say next is really hard, because I don't want to do it. But I saw how you looked at me, I saw how much you were afraid of me. God, I never wanted to see that. Ever. I think right now you need some time. Me being there will only make things worse. So, I've gone away. Give you some time to think. I know I need it. I've got to figure things out._

_Maybe right now, it would be good if you went to your grandmother's house. I know you feel safe there, and that's best right now. I'll try to contact you there later. Once I get my head straightened out. I'll tell you all of it then._

_God, this letter sounds cold, but I don't mean it to be. Just, I can't think of what to say. It's coming out all wrong. Just remember, I love you. I'll always love you. I'd never hurt you, not deliberately. Please, you gotta believe that._

_I love you,_

_Faith._

Willow looks at the letter, and her hand starts to shake. She crumples the letter, and throws it away from her.

No, no way. That's not gonna happen. You're not gonna get to just run away. Not this time, Faith. No. I'm gonna tear this city apart if I have to. And I know just where to start!

Her face set in its resolve mode, Willow walks over to a chair and sits, waiting for the morning.

* * *

Henry Jeffries couldn't sleep. He sat in the kitchen, a cup of herbal tea at hand, trying to relax. But he couldn't. He was worried about his granddaughter. And feeling a somewhat guilty. 

_Poor child. She was so upset. What do you expect, Henry? She learned that her grandfather is… was… her grandmother's servant, that she was part of a family that never made her FEEL part of it. She doesn't know why things were the way they were. She only knows she was treated like a stranger, shuttled around, left to the care of strangers, never feeling part of anything. Then to learn that even the excuse she had was bogus, that it shouldn't have been that way…_ Henry shakes his head. He knew it was a mistake, a huge mistake, he and Margaret had made. _We should've done it differently. I should've taken Faith, raised her as my own, explain to her at the right time. But Margaret…_

At that moment, there was a loud pounding at the front door. Startled, Henry jumps out of his seat, and tying his dressing robe, hurries to the front door. The pounding continues; it sounds like the front door is going to be torn off its hinges. From upstairs, Margaret calls down from the Balustrade.

" Henry, what's going on? Who's at the front door at this hour?"

" I don't know. I was just going to find out," Henry calls back, hurrying through the foyer to the front door. Picking up the bat he keeps in the umbrella stand by the door for just such contingencies, he opens the door a crack, holding the bat behind him.

On the stoop stands a very upset looking Faith. She's dressed in her typical style; dark leather clothing. She frowns at Henry, showing her displeasure at having to be here again.

" Faith?"

" Hello Jeff … crap, what do I call you now? Grandpa? Gramps? Grandfather? Poppy? " Faith's voice sounds cold and distant.

" Just call me whatever you wish, Faith" Henry Jeffries says.

" Ok, how about… asshole then?" Faith says, her voice turning caustic. " So, is the wicked witch of Boston awake?"

" Faith… I don't care what you call me, but you will address your grandmother by her name, or at least by grandmother."

Faith looks at him with condescendingly." Says who? You?". She laughs, bitterly.

" It's alright, Henry. I think Faith has a just grievance. " Margaret, dressed in a robe, enters. " Hello, Faith".

Faith , a little thrown by her grandmother's pliability, looks at her with suspicion, tight-lipped._ If there's one thing I know, it's that the grandmother doesn't give up without some kicking and screaming. What's goin' on here?_

"Aren't you going to say anything Faith? Or did you just try to pound down the door for fun? Little late for hijinks , Faith."

" That's a scream, coming from you. Considering how you've been lying and playing tricks on me … what? Only my whole life!"

Margaret looks tired. She shuts her eyes, as if hoping things will be different when she opens them. She sighs heavily.

" We have a lot to talk about Faith. Standing here in the foyer trading insults isn't going to get it done. Please, come sit with me in the parlor."

" Naw, don't think so. Tired of being the fly in your parlor," Faith stands, arms crossed." This is pointless. Don't know why I even came."

" You came because you want answers. You want to know why. You deserve that much, at least" Margaret replies.

" I want my life back. I want things as they were before they got screwed up. Can you do that for me?"

Henry and Margaret exchange a look. Margaret comes over to Faith, who retreats back a step.

" What happened?"

" You know, really not your business, " Faith says, moving away from Margaret." What I wanna know is why. Why all the lies. Why was I treated like a stranger by my own family… that's a joke. My family. The fucking Cosa Nostra has a less screwed up sense of family."

Henry comes over to Faith, and puts a hand on her shoulder. She shrugs it off, but he puts it back again. She looks up at him.

" Faith, what happened tonight?" Henry inquires, looking into her eyes.

" Nothing, nothing happened, " Faith says, lowering her eyes. " I'm just tired of these fucking games, ok?"

" Faith"

"Just leave me the fuck alone, ok?" Faith says, shrugging him off, walking away from both of them. She hugs herself, trying to cover her feelings.

Henry walks over to her, and puts his arm on her shoulder. He reaches over, and lifts her chin.

" Faith, it's me, ok? You know you can tell me anything… anything at all." Henry says gently.

" Nooo" She cries out, then softer, " nooo". She tries to scrunch away from him, feeling shame and remorse and a dozen other emotions. " Please, just let me alone".

" Henry, maybe you should…" Margaret begins, but Henry holds up his hand to quiet her.

" Faith, you know I don't care what you've done. I'll always love you, always care about you," Henry says.

Faith turns to him, her face red, and her eyes bright with tears. Her lip starts to tremble.

" I killed him. I killed him, " Faith says, her voice choked, " and I wanted to kill him. I hated him, so much. I hated what he did. Who he was. They're right, they're right. I'm a killer… nothing but a psycho- bitch killer. Because I enjoyed watching him die. I did… I wanted him to die!" She leans against him, laying her head on his chest. She's starting to sob, and he holds her." I'm bad, they're right. I'm nothing but evil. God, I don't want to be this way".

"Shhh" Henry quietly rocks her, letting her get her grief out, " It's ok, it's ok."

Margaret stands watching as Henry comforts Faith, her hands clasped in front of her. _That could be me, should be me, comforting her. If only I'd done things differently. If only._

" Faith, there's so much you need to know yet. " Margaret goes over and stands by Henry and Faith, " I think maybe we should go into the kitchen… the parlor is just too … formal for this." She leads the way into the kitchen, followed by Henry, who's holding Faith.

A little while later, Faith and Henry are sitting at the table, while Margaret is moving around, preparing tea. You can see that Henry is uncomfortable with Margaret waiting on him, but she waved him down. She needed to keep busy.

" You know so little about your family, Faith. That's my fault. I should've done things differently… so much differently," Margaret says, regret tingeing her voice." But I was … afraid. You were the one spoken of in the scroll, the one who … it was so difficult, with Sarah being as she was, and her getting pregnant by that … thing."

Faith just looks at her, eyes hooded, keeping her thoughts to herself.

" I know you can't forgive me for that, Faith. I can't blame you. I pushed you away, because I saw Sarah in you, and it hurt to be reminded of her everyday. But that doesn't mean I didn't care about you. I just didn't know how to show you. So I kept you at a distance. I was afraid, Faith. Afraid to love you. I feared feeling that pain again, and feared what might happen to you."

Faith looks at her suspiciously.

" Our family's very old, Faith. We came here 400 hundred years ago from County Tyrone in Ulster. But we are older, much older than that. And we're part of a larger clan… a clan dedicated to fighting the darkness."

" Like the Watcher's council" Faith says, cynically. Her face reflects her disgust.

" The Watcher's council is for the most part composed of a group of self important fools. It once meant something, but it's degenerated of late into nothing but a joke, as far as I'm concerned."

" Hey, watch it. I like Giles," Faith says, defensively.

" Rupert Giles is one of the few exceptions. I'm hoping that as Chair of the council he'll put it back on it's true course, but he's got a fight on his hands."

" You know Giles?" Faith looks at her, not really buying any of this.

" For many years… but that's a story for another time, Faith. Right now, I've got to tell you about your heritage."

" Oh, please, enlighten me." Faith rolls her eyes.

Margaret continues, ignoring her slight, " Faith, you're part of a larger heritage that's been dedicated for centuries to fighting the old ones… the ones who ruled the earth before mankind. Our history is long, and we've been involved in a lot of apocalypses that never were recorded. The slayers aren't the only ones who fight the darkness, Faith. There are many of us, scattered about the earth, fighting. Our reality is under constant attack from those who would destroy us."

" Ok, not saying I'm buying this crap, " Faith says, her tone sarcastic," but what's this … group? What's the name?"

" We don't have a 'name' Faith, or a formal organization, or any of the trappings that the Watchers seem overly proud of. We just are, and we know who we are. It's like a feeling… you know one when you meet one."

Faith laughs cynically, " oh, your good, grandmother. Gee, what? No secret handshake? No symbols or signs… just a feeling? Kinda vague, don't ya think?"

" The powers that be charged us with guarding this reality. I suppose you could call us the Guardians, but we never really formalized the name. We don't work that way. We're truly a secret society, Faith. And there is a sure way to tell if someone is part of the group." Margaret turns her head, and pulls back her hair, revealing a birthmark behind her ear." Look familiar, Faith?"

Faith unconsciously touches her head behind her ear, where her own birthmark lies… the exact same one.

" Everyone of the clan has one… that's how you tell if they are truly one of us."

" Ok, this is sounding hokier by the minute. Why should I buy any of this crap?" Faith shakes her head. " The birthmarks, just a coincidence. What's the real story?"

" This is ' the real story' , Faith. Like it or don't" Margaret says, feeling irritated._ God, she's so stubborn!_

" Right, so what, grandmother? You go out at night, and what? Fight demons with a sword or something?" Faith is almost laughing now.

"Faith, stop acting stupid. I know you're brighter than that," Margaret is getting angry now._ Old habits die hard, right?_ " Fighting the darkness involves more than just going out and fighting a threat when it appears at the door. We, our clan, use influence to fight the forces that oppose us. We are involved in finance, politics, a dozen different ways to influence the way things turn out. Evil isn't just about mystical power, but the day by day influence that turns people, cities, and nations towards the dark … or towards the light. Your swords are made of steel, ours are made of words, money and power. Either way, we're doing the same thing, fighting for the same thing. To stop them; stop them all."

"Well, it's all different now. I'm impressed, " says Faith, who obviously isn't.

" Maybe you're right. Maybe I shouldn't bother trying to explain it to you," Margaret shoots back," but I thought you wanted to know why things are they way they are."

Faith starts to make a smart remark, but sees her expression and restrains herself.

" Ok, sorry, " Faith says ," go ahead "

" Our family came to America about 400 years ago, because this new continent was beginning to show signs of being settled. We came to expand our reach, early on. Try to get a step ahead of those we fight."

" Amongst our number was one called Aaron. He was inclined more towards the mystical. Some called him a prophet, some called him a fool. Either way, he wrote the sacred scroll that you delivered to me this morning. It contains what I guess you'd call a prophecy."

" Oh, I know," Faith interjects, " Big bad, world end, gotta kill it or we're all demon chow, right?"

" No, smarty, not at all. It prophesies the coming of one of great power and influence. She will be born in the later years. She will be the child of a demon and human, and will have a dual nature because of it. She can go either way, for good or evil. Either way, it will be a great struggle for her, because of her dual nature. One thing is for sure, she will destroy the demon that sired her. Or he will destroy her. Once she does this, her true path will be revealed to her."

Faith shakes her head, and stands up, backing away. " Uh-uh… not buying that… I'm… I'm… not her. Get it?"

"Sit down, Faith, " Margaret says to her. She turns to Henry, " Can you get me the scroll off the table in the parlor, please?" Henry rises and leaves the room.

" Listen, you're nuts. Ok? This is all nuts. I'm not listening to anymore of this!" Faith turns, and starts to walk away._ I'm getting outta this fucking nuthouse before I'm as loony as they are._

"Run if you want, Faith, but you can't escape who you are, " Margaret says calmly, " believe me, I didn't want this. I didn't want it to be true. I don't want you burdened with this. But all the signs are there. I knew the legend, but I didn't have access to the scroll to verify it. It was stolen long ago by Wolfram and Hart. It wasn't until Angel took over the L.A. office was I able to track it down. That's what he sent to me."

Faith stands with her back to her grandmother, head hung down, shaking it back and forth. Not wanting to listen, not wanting to believe. Henry returns with the scroll, handing it to Margaret.

" Listen, Faith. This is directly from the prophecy", Margaret starts to read, " And there shall come a time, in years hence, that one shall be born of the dark and light. She shall be of us, but not know us. She will be a great champion, one who is chosen. She will struggle with that which fights for her soul. She will know greatness, and she will know defeat. In the end, she will destroy that which created her, or it will destroy her. Only then will she find her way, and know what is her destiny."

Faith stands, shoulders slumped. Suddenly, without warning, she strikes out, punching a hole in the wall in front of her. Margaret and Henry jump up.

" I won't do this. I won't," she says, quietly, " I don't want this. I don't want any of this. I just want to be left alone!"

" We don't always get what we want, Faith, " Margaret says, a note of bitterness in her voice. " you don't have a choice. It's your destiny."

" Like hell!" Faith growls, whirling on them, " you can shove that destiny up your collective asses. I'm outta here. I don't have to do this!" She starts to storm out, but Henry stops her. " Let me go, before I forget you're my grandfather," Faith hisses.

" Tell her, Margaret. She deserves to know why she's hearing this now!" Henry says.

" No, she has to make up her own mind," Margaret says, " that shouldn't have anything to do with it."

" Tell her, Margaret. Tell her, or I'm leaving here, too." Henry threatens.

Margaret looks like she's been slapped. " You wouldn't, Henry. We've been together for nearly 40 years… please, don't say that!" Margaret's strength seems to melt out of her, and she sits down , almost falls down.

" Tell me what?" Faith says, not pulling away anymore. " Tell me WHAT?" She repeats, firmly.

" Tell her, Margaret!"

Margaret looks away, not wanting to look at Faith. " I'm dying, Faith" Margaret says, softly. Almost inaudibly.

Not softly enough. Faith feels a sharp pain in her stomach.

" Dying?"

" I've got maybe 6 more months. Maybe less. I have a brain tumor. Slow growing, but it's malignant. I…" She trails off, not wanting to think about it anymore.

Faith stands there, stunned. She feels she can't breathe. She doesn't want to believe it. _Nothing can kill her… disease is afraid of her. She's never been sick… never._ What she really can't believe, however, is what she's feeling. She expected to rejoice when the old woman finally died. Be jubilant, celebrate, party hearty. She didn't expect to feel like this. Like someone cut her stomach out. _I hate the old bitch. Why'm…dammit, why'm I feeling like this?_

" Why didn't you tell me?" Faith says, harshly.

" I didn't want your pity. I wanted to make you understand…"

" Trust me, I don't feel sorry for you."

" Good."

" Wait. Change that, I do feel sorry for you. If you hadn't been such a bitch to me, treated me like crap, you might have a granddaughter standing in front of you who really cared."

"Faith!" Henry says, anger rising.

" No, Henry, calm down. She's right. I don't deserve anything else." Margaret sighs. " That's not the point, however. I can't take care of the day to day business of the family fortune anymore. I need someone to do that now."

" Wait a minute. Lets not get crazy here!" Faith is really getting upset now." I don't have a clue as to how to handle money… hell, I can barely pay for myself. And you want me to manage the family money? Are you sure that brain tumor hasn't already made you nuts?"

" I'm sick, Faith, not stupid! I have plenty of financial advisors onboard that will handle the technical parts of the fortune. What I need is someone who can make the tough decisions."

"Oh, yeah, that's a good one. Me? No way, lady. I'm so not right for this!" Faith shakes her head.

" I know you think I haven't kept tabs on you, Faith. But I have. You make the tough choices, even when it goes against your own interests. You have the right instincts, Faith. "

" Uh-huh, that's why I chose to side with Mayor Wilkins? Because of my great decision skills?"

" Faith, it's not about this decision, or that decision that determines your ability. It's taking it as the whole. And you've exhibited your ability to do the right thing, even when it costs you everything… even your freedom."

" Stop… just stop" Faith raises her hands to her head, as if her head hurt, " you can't just dump this on me, and expect me to decide on the spot. I need time. To think about it."

" Faith, I'm sorry, but there's just no time…." Margaret says, but Henry interrupts her.

" Margaret? " Henry shakes his head at her, " She needs time. How much time do you need, Faith ?"

Faith looks to Margaret, then to Henry.

" I dunno. A couple of weeks, maybe more. You dumped a lot of crap on me. I need time to figure it all out."

" Ok, Faith, I understand. 3 weeks then." Henry turns to Margaret, who nods.

" I'll try to be back sooner if I can," Faith says.

" Try, Faith. Really try," Margaret says, sounding tired.

" What about Miss Willow? What're you going to tell her?" Henry asks.

" Not an issue…" Faith says, turning away.

" She really cares about you, Faith," Henry says, kindly," I think she deserves some explanation."

" After tonight, I don't think she does, " Faith says. She leaves the room.

" Faith…!" Henry calls out.

" Henry? Let it go." Margaret says.

" But…"

" Just let it go, Henry," Margaret says, getting it. Henry sits down next to her, looking at the door where Faith left. Both of their expressions are grim.

Faith walks down the stairs to the street where she'd left her bike parked. The night seems closer somehow, as if everything is more intense, grabbing her eyes and ears and senses. It's as if her mind were storing the sights and sounds. She realizes it might be the last time she sees it. She turns and looks at the front portico of the house she knew so well._ Sometimes I think, too well._ A little frown graces her lips, and her brow is creased. She doesn't know what she'll do now, if she'll be back or not. But her mind's eye, acting like a camera, stores the image in her mind. She reaches out and touches the stair post, then turns away. She hops on her bike, and starts the engine.

She doesn't know where she's going yet. Maybe New Hampshire, maybe Maine. Maybe south. Doesn't matter. Wherever she goes, that's where she'll be. As long as it's not here.

Anywhere but here.

An hour later, Henry finds himself in the kitchen, once again. He's glad Mrs. Jeffries went to see her sister this evening. She's a wonderful woman. He loves her to death. But all the Sturm and Drang of this place can make her … crazy. Not that he can blame her. He sits with his herbal tea, his eyes feeling grainy, but his mind too active to let him sleep.

He's worried about Margaret. She's still sharp as a tack, but the disease is beginning to show in some of her movements and actions. Soon it'll be very bad for her. He knows how independent she is. How proud she is. How hard it is for her to ask for help. He has to figure out how to give her help without it seeming to be help.

He's worried about Faith. He knows no matter how tough she acts, she still young. Very young. This is a lot to put on her slim shoulders. He'll help her as much as he can; so will Margaret, for as long as she's able. But in the end, it'll be on her to do what needs to be done._ Can she handle it? Is she ready? I just don't know._ Then there's that aura of sadness about her. He knows it has to do with Miss Willow. He hopes somehow, she makes it up with her. He hopes she doesn't make his and Margaret's mistake. He shakes his head, and sighs, sipping his tea.

He hears a knock at the front door. Looking at the clock, he sighs. Pulling himself up, he ties his robe, and walks to the front door. He looks through the peephole. He opens the door, a small smile on his lips.

A very worried looking Willow, her eyes ringed with dark circles, stands on the portico.

" I'm sorry for the late hour, Jeffries, but…." Willow starts. Henry steps back from the door, inviting her in with a gesture.

" Come in, Miss Willow. I've been expecting you."

To be continued.


	14. Part 14

**Independence**

By Norwalker

Part 14 of

Summary: What did Willow and Faith discuss in that little car trip from L.A. to Sunnydale in season 7? And what were the consequences? A Willow/ Faith story

Rating: R, Very R

Category: romance/drama/angst

Spoilers: Possible season 7 spoilers. Possible season 4 Angel spoilers. C'mon, you must have seen 'em by now!

Time Line: Mid season 7(after the return of Faith) and beyond

Disclaimer: Joss Whedon , Mutant Enemy and Fox own them.

Warnings: Adult themes, violence, sexual situations between members of the same gender. Please be aware, character death is always a distinct possibility. It can happen here, so don't say I didn't warn you!!! Any racist remarks are spoken by the characters, and are in no way shared by the author. _**This story is not meant for children**_.

* * *

**Los Angeles, California**

**Now**

Faith pulls her Harley Road King up in front of the old dilapidated hotel that used to house the offices of Angel Investigations . Except, if you looked at it now, you would have a hard time calling it ' dilapidated '. A crew has been working on it for two weeks, readying it for the memorial service to be held here in a couple of days. It has cost a small(well, not so small) fortune to get the work done in that time, but looking around, Faith felt it was worth it.

Where better to remember Angel, Wes , Gunn and Lorne? Even Fred… though that thing…wasn't exactly Fred. Man, all the stuff that went on here… if only these walls could talk. No one left to tell the story. Not completely. I know a little of it, but … God, I wish this wasn't happening. I'd give anything to see them here, talking, laughing, fighting with each other, or against some baddie… just to say hi, and see Wes's typical " Oh god, she's here" look… or Angel deadpanning a joke that nobody gets… even hear Cordy whine about this or that… God, it tore Angel up when she died… little did he know how soon he would be following her…

Faith walks into the garden off the side entrance, and her she's overwhelmed by other, more personal memories. She finds herself having a hard time breathing, as if something is stuck in her throat. _Just your heart, fool._ Without realizing it, she sits in the same spot she did over a year ago, when it all started. She looks around , and can hear the faint echoes of the voices of the people who lived and worked here. Stronger is Willow's voice, cajoling and arguing and guilting her into going to Sunnydale to fight the First. _If I knew then what I know now, would I have gone? Or would I have run screaming in the other direction… maybe wind up in Brazil?_ A tight smile forms on her face; she knows what-ifs are pretty stupid.

**East coast, 8 months prior**

Her life had changed radically since that night in Boston._ The night you murdered your father, Faith. Admit it! No, I killed a demon… that thing was never anything's father… certainly not mine._ Learning about her family, what their purpose was, and about her destiny… all had been too much for her to handle. She knew time was short; her grandmother was dying, she had to come to a decision. But she knew she couldn't just digest everything then and there. She took off to find the answers.

Basically, she got lost. She drove north until she found a spot that wasn't overcrowded with tourists. It was very rustic, emphasis on rust, and the only motel made the dives in Sunnydale look like the Hilton. But that didn't matter; what did matter is she was alone. Nothing nagging at her, nothing bothering her. She liked the sense of quiet and peace; it helped calm the storm raging in her head. She spent her days walking around, not caring where she went. She just wanted to go somewhere, work off the energy burning within her.

What she thought about was her life. What it had been up to now. She looked at her childhood, bouncing from place to place, shoved away when she finally was ' brought home', and finally running away to escape the strictures and lack of warmth in that 'house'. How she was thrown in Juvey, only to be 'rescued' by her watcher. How she drifted after her watcher's death, running from a Daddy Vamp that had it in for her. How she came to Sunnyhell, trying to fit into another group of people. When things went to shit, how she ran to the mayor. When that blew up in her face, and she woke from her coma, she ran again. Trying to be Buffy, literally, and then running out, finding Angel, and her redemption.

I'm always running from something, or to something, because I can't figure out who I am. Scared because of the feelings I've got. Always desperately wanting to belong, and never feeling part of anything. How do I belong somewhere, when I can't give anything? How can I give anything, when I don't know what I want? How do I know what I want, when I don't know who I am?

_Who are you, Faith? Demon or human? Good or bad? Sometimes I get so angry, so frustrated because no matter what I do, I get dumped on again. I want to tear things up, destroy things… just to feel better, let the anger out. I've killed without thinking about it, relishing the sense of power it gave. I've seen their eyes as they die, the fear, the hate, the anger, and I've fed off it. It's powerful, it's addicting… and I hate it. I hate what it makes me, what it does to me. The thing I become. I hate looking in the mirror, seeing that darkness looking out at me, laughing at me. Taunting me. Knowing that at times, I want it. Because it stops the pain._

_It's part of me, I can't deny that. But is it me? Is it what I was meant to be? A killer? Is that all I got to give? I can't buy that, not if I wanna stay sane. I have to feel the pain, if I wanna feel the other stuff. I gotta feel something, cuz the thing I hate most is the cold I feel. Like feeling nothing. Like not existing. I can't be that thing, I can't let it be all that I am. If that's all I got, then I don't want it. I can't live with it. I might as well cut my throat right now, cuz that can't be me… I won't be that. I'd rather …_

Images and feelings flashed through her. The look of surprise on Buffy's face when she first found out about Faith. The look of hatred on Kakistos face when he found her. The relief she felt when she killed him. The surprise Buffy showed when she killed Mr. Trick, saving her from death. The look of disgust in Willow's eyes when she threatened Willow in the mayor's office. The anger she felt at that, how she'd wanted to cut that sneer off her face. The look of surprise on Buffy's face, and her own surprise, when Buffy stabbed her on the rooftop. The gloating she did when Buffy, in her body, was led away by the police. How that was replaced by self loathing when in the end, she realized what she didn't have, what Buffy really had… how that made her angrier than she'd ever been… angrier with herself and everyone else.

But what affected her most was the look of understanding she saw in Angel's eyes, and later in Willows. They knew the darkness she'd walked, they knew what it felt like to have power, use power to strike out and punish. They'd both skirted the abyss, just like her, and they'd both pulled back. _I'm at the abyss. Do I jump? Do I walk away?_

The moment was upon her. Darkness surrounded her, and she could easily fall into it, give herself over to it. It would be so easy… so easy …

And she knew. She had to walk away. She had more to do, things to do to make up for what she'd done. More, she had to fight that darkness, every day. Deep in her heart, she knew she was human, more human than demon… and she felt love, knew love… and hoped someday to feel it again.

There was no question. Her path was clear. Every day, she had to fight her dark nature, do something to oppose it. She wanted the light. This was her, the real Faith. It would always be a struggle. But she looked forward to the struggle. Each time she won, she was stronger.

Time to go home, time to do what I've got to do.

Faith returned to Boston, a week before she promised. She accepted her role as head of the family, and under Margaret's and Henry's tutelage, learned what was expected of her, and how she would have to manage the family business. Under their guidance, she found she had an innate ability to lead, to make tough decisions, and to scope out the best course for their financial affairs. Even Margaret said she was doing " Very well, " which from her was high praise. Of course, the nuts and bolts, day to day running of the family investments was handled by a team of financial managers; they had the technical know-how to translates Faith's desires into reality. But the approach, the overall vision, transferred from Margaret to Faith, much more smoothly than anyone anticipated.

Margaret and Faith reached an understanding in the last months of Margaret's life. They didn't become 'close', because there wasn't enough time, and too much had happened in their prior relationship. But they did learn to respect each other, and a some affection was transferred between them. Once Margaret was sure the business was in good hands, she withdrew from the financial affairs of the company, and took a small holiday, visiting the places she enjoyed in her life. Freed from the responsibilities of heading up the family fortunes, some of the youthful pleasure she got out of traveling returned to her, and she spent some enjoyable time renewing her acquaintance with these places. But finally, she became too ill to travel, and had to return home.

Faith was with her grandmother at the end. As she climbed the stairs to her bedroom, Faith was amazed at how painful this journey was. She never expected to actually miss the older woman. She had known her grandmother's time was short, but somehow that didn't prepare her for it.

Margaret was propped up in her bed, but she looked terribly weak. Faith was stunned at how quickly she'd declined. This frail woman was the person that scared me shitless for so long? Her breathing was labored, and she didn't really look at Faith… more, she seemed to be looking miles away. Faith had been warned this was an effect of the tumor, but she still felt more than a little freaked by it all.

" Grandmother, " Faith says, walking over to her side. She takes the older woman's hand in hers.

Margaret looks at Faith as if she's never seen her before, " I'm sorry, " she says, perfectly polite, her voice a little weak, " Do I know you?"

" It's Faith, grandmother, " Faith says, feeling her stomach churn.

" Why do you call me that? I'm hardly old enough to be anyone's mother, less a grandmother. How 'bout you call me Maggie?" Margaret looks at Faith, her face confused, " I'm sorry, I forgot your name again?"

" Faith, grand… Maggie" Faith corrects herself.

" That's better. Where are Hope, and Joy?" Her grandmother half grins.

" Huh?" Faith asks, totally confused.

" Well, what's Faith, without Hope and Joy?" Her grandmother asks, innocently, but there is a definite slyness to her look.

Faith feels like she's just stepped into an episode of The Twilight Zone, and she's sure she's not enjoying it.

" Such a lovely day, isn't it? Too nice a day to be confined, " Margaret sighs, " I hate being sick." She notes Faith's expression, " So, my hopeless, joyless Faith. Are you new?"

" I'm sorry, new?" Faith asks, puzzled.

" Staff, girl. Are you new on the staff?"

" No," Faith says, getting a major case of the wiggins.

" Then, why're you here?" Margaret asks, impatiently, " really not feeling like company."

" Sorry, gran… Maggie… I just stopped by to see how you were, " Faith says, quietly. Trying to hold it together. God, she's…damn.

" Oh, got it. You're a nurse then? Seems kind of silly, for a cold… but the parents… always so protective."

" No, not a nurse, either."

" thought you were a bit strangely dressed for a nurse, " Margaret says, appraising Faith's clothing. " A bit strangely dressed, no matter who you are… which brings us back to… who ARE you?" . She coughs.

" Are you ok?" Faith asks, worriedly. God, is that a dumb question. She's dying for god's sake.

" Fine, just fine, " Margaret says, impatiently, " who are you again?"

" Faith, ma'am… I've been …. I'm the new estate financial manager." Faith begins to play into Margaret's delusion.

" Really?" Margaret beams… then frowns, " You're not fooling with me, are you?"

Faith shakes her head.

" Oh, thank god! I thought they were going to stick me with managing the finances. God, that's a relief" Margaret smiles. " I hate that kind of stuff." She looks at Faith again, appraisingly, " Kind of young for a financial manager, aren't you?" Then she smiles, " Aw, who cares, as long as I'm not stuck with it!" She turns from Faith, and looks out the window. " Feeling kind of tired now." Her voice sounds strained and tired, " think I'll take a nap now." She closes her eyes, and lies quietly. Faith takes a chair, and moves to the side of the bed. She takes Margaret's hand, and holds it.

" Thank you, " Margaret, eyes still closed, says. Her breathing is shallow and labored.

" For what?" Faith asks quietly.

Margaret's eyes open, and Faith can see she recognizes her. " For helping, Faith. Thank you." She closes her eyes again.

Faith holds her hand, and she slips into sleep. Her breathing continues, but it becomes shallower, more labored. This goes on for awhile, Faith holding her hand, watching her sleep. Then Faith hears a strange sound out of her, almost a rattling. Her grip on Faith's hand loosens, and she stops breathing entirely.

Faith sits stunned, unable to react. She's unable to process that anyone as vital and dynamic, as alive as her grandmother was, could succumb so easily to death. Her eyes start to blink rapidly as first one tear, then another, then more start to flow down her cheeks. Standing, she looks down on her grandmother's remains, and doesn't recognize her. Whatever it was that made her who she was, is gone. She bends over, and gently kisses her forehead.

" Goodbye, Grandmother, " Faith says quietly.

**Anderson Indiana,**

**7 months ago.**

Willow is going quietly crazy. She hasn't heard from Faith in a month. She's not even sure if she's alive, or dead. As she pulls up in front of her grandmother's house, Willow has decided all she can do now is wait. Like she promised.

Willow remembers back on that night. The night everything changed, and went to hell. She remembers the shock, the revulsion she felt as she watched Faith cut the throat of her father and his bodyguards. How she misinterpreted what was happening, thinking Faith had gone over the edge. That she reverted to her dark self. She can't remember ever feeling as afraid as she did when Faith, knife in hand, came towards her. She panicked, and ran.

By the time she returned, realizing there was more here than she first thought, Faith was gone…and the place was clean. It had freaked her more than a little. Her mind and body, exhausted physically and emotionally, gave out on her, and she slept, dreaming the strangest dream. She awoke, determined to find Faith, no matter what it took. She figured she would wait until morning, then start at her grandmother's house, working out from there. But as time passed, she couldn't sit still. So, in the wee hours of the morning, she found herself back at 12 Acorn Street, staring at the front door.

**Boston, Mass.**

**8 months ago**

She knocks quietly, not really expecting anyone to answer. She's quite surprised, therefore, when Jeffries opened the door.

" Come in, Miss Willow. I've been expecting you."

Willow follows him into the kitchen. Taking the kettle off the stove, he prepares her some tea. For awhile, they sit quietly, looking at each other. Willow is trying to figure out how to proceed. She wants… needs to know where Faith is, but after this afternoon, she's not sure who she can trust in this household. She's about to speak when Jeffries beats her to it.

" She's ok, Miss Willow. She's been here, and she's ok."

" I'm glad to hear that Jeffries, you don't know how much. But, really, I've gotta see her, " Willow explains, " I've really got to talk to her. It's important."

" I'm not sure that's possible, Miss Willow, " Jeffries says

"Not possible? Why? What's happened? Is she ok? Where is she?"

" As I said, she's ok, Miss Willow, but she's not here any longer. She's gone."

" Gone… ok, I get that. But where? I mean… it's… god, I can't explain it, but it's so important I see her, Jeffries. I … made a huge mistake, and now… she thinks I don't love her anymore… I know that. I've got to fix it!"

Henry Jeffries looks at Willow kindly. He sees her obvious concern for Faith, and instinctively knows that somehow, this woman is right for his granddaughter. He reaches out, and takes her hand.

" Miss Willow? I wish I could tell you where she is. But she left not telling either me or her grandmother. She said she needed time to think things over, digest all she's learned here tonight. I suspect she'll be doing some thinking on you, also."

" What am I gonna do, Jeffries? I love her so much, but I blew it so badly tonight. I didn't understand what was happening… and I ran out on her, leaving her alone… she must be hurting so badly right now. And I can't do anything to help her. I hate this…"

" Miss Willow, I want Faith to be happy. You know that… I suppose she told you about Miss Margaret and me?"

" Yes, Jeffries, she did. I can't understand why you two let it go on like that. She needed someone to love her, and you both…" Willow feels her temper rising.

" I know, Miss Willow, I've been terribly wrong when it came to Miss Faith," Jeffries says, wistfully." Faith. Sorry, hard to break a lifetime habit. I know you think I'm terrible, letting things go on as they did. And you may be right. Lots of things I should've done differently, wish I had done differently. But, it was different then. In those days, it wasn't 'cool' to be seen fraternizing with the help. That's what I was, Miss Willow, the help. When I found out Miss Margaret… Margaret was pregnant with Sarah… that's Faith's mother… I wanted to marry her. I did. But I knew if she married me, if we … she would lose her life. Her station. Boston was very strict that way. Still is, to some degree. So I had to make a choice… and I chose not to ruin her life…the life she knew. Not my finest moment, I know. Rather cowardly, actually, all considered."

Willow feels her anger dissipate, and she squeezes his hand.

"I love Mrs. Jeffries… Jane… very much. Don't ever think otherwise. But I'd be lying if I didn't say that there were many nights I laid awake, wondering how things would be different if I had the courage to defy convention and marry Maggie… Miss Margaret," Henry Jeffries doesn't look at Willow, but rather down at the table. " I probably should've made a clean break of it. Left service to this family. I couldn't, though. I … my daughter was here. I know, that sounds perverse, but I couldn't … I had to see my daughter grow up. Then there was Faith… when Sarah had Miss Faith… and gave her away, it devastated Margaret. She never showed it, she wouldn't. But I could see the signs. She spent a fortune, and a lot of years, trying to find her again… and another fortune on lawyers, getting her back. But after the way Sarah turned out, Margaret was afraid to make the same mistakes with Faith. She had her, but didn't know what to do for her. So she sent her to boarding school, hoping that she'd somehow turn out better than Sarah did," He sighs heavily. " I'm not much of anything, Miss Willow. I was never able to be a father to my daughter, or a grandfather to Faith. Sarah still doesn't know the truth… I'm still only her 'adopted' mother's servant. And Faith rejected me, rightly so."

" Jeffries…"

" Please, Miss Willow. Call me Henry, if that's alright with you?"

" Henry, " Willow corrects herself, " I know from Faith that the only good thing she felt she had here, was you and Mrs. Jeffries. She's very fond of you."

" Thank you, Miss. That means a lot more than you know, " Henry says, quietly." Miss Willow?"

" Willow, please, since we're going to be less formal" Willow smiles at him.

" Yes, of course. Willow, I don't want the same thing for Faith that her grandmother and I went through, " Henry says, " I know that Faith is very fond of you, also. More than fond. She needs patience right now, especially your patience. This is a difficult time for her. She has to accept who she is. I know, that's rather cryptic, " Henry notes Willow's expression, " but that's the best I can do for now. I can't tell you what was said tonight… that's up to her to reveal it to you. But I can do this. I will be your ' advocate'. I will do my best to plead your case, so to speak. I want her to be happy. I want you both to be happy."

" Thank you, Henry, I do appreciate that, " Willow gets up," but I've got to find her. I can't sit around knowing she might be needing me."

Henry thinks for a few moments, then he gets up and gets a pad of paper out of one of the drawers. He jots down something on a couple of sheets, and hand them to Willow.

" Those are the places I know she used to like to go to, when she was young. I don't know if she'll be at any of those, but I suppose it won't hurt if you check them out."

" Thank you, Henry. Thank you, " Willow says, taking the list from him. She walks over, and kisses him on the forehead. " I can see why she's so fond of you" Willow whispers quietly in his ear. She turns, and leaves the kitchen, and the house.

Henry watches her go, a small sad smile on his face. He picks up his cup, and puts it in the sink, then goes to bed, hoping he'll be able to sleep.

Willow checked the places on the list, and any other leads or ideas that she hoped might pan out. But she had no luck finding Faith. She spent weeks at it, even finally, in desperation, going to see Kennedy for help. That meeting was beyond awkward, old feelings and hurts being so close to the surface. Kennedy at first didn't want to help; to her, Faith being gone wasn't a bad thing. But in the end, she did help, seeing the desperation in Willow's eyes. She had residual affection for the red-headed witch, and hated seeing her suffer. She contacted her connections in the 'slayer' community, and tried to run down Faith. But there were no sightings, no leads, nothing. She gave the news to Willow, and saw her face fall.

As Willow turned to leave, Kennedy caught her arm. Willow turned back, puzzled.

" Will, I did you a favor, so I want you to do me one, ok?" Kennedy looked at Willow intently.

" Of course, anything, " Willow replied.

" Don't come back here again"

" I'm sorry? I don't understand?"

" It was hard enough … trying to get over you once, Will. You being here just brought up all those feelings to the surface again. I know… things just didn't work out for us, but that doesn't make it any easier to accept."

" Kenny… I…."

" Don't, please, don't even. Just don't come back, ok? If you have any consideration for me left, just don't"

Kennedy turns and walks away, closing the door behind her. Willow stands staring at the door for awhile. Then she turns and leaves. She feels like crap for what she did to Kennedy, and if Kennedy wanted to wound her, she found exactly the right spot. Willow has more than a few regrets.

_Now what?_ Willow wonders, as she climbs on her bike. In her heart, she knows there is nothing more she can do right now. She's hit a wall, and she can't think of anything else to do. She'll be found when she wants to be found. Those words, the ones Xander used about Buffy so long ago when she ran away after … the Angel thing… were so true now. She knew that the only thing she could do now is wait, and hope. Time to go home now, figure out what I'm going to do with the rest of my life. Where was home? Sunnydale didn't exist anymore, and L.A. ? So not home. With her parents in Washington? She didn't think so. No, only one place could she call home, at least for now.

**Anderson, Indiana**

**7 months ago**

Willow cuts the engine on her bike, and sits looking at Grammy Weis's house. Her happiness at being here is colored by her feelings of failure. She can't shake the feeling that somehow she should've done more, looked harder. I should go back. Someone has to know where she is. She knows that's pointless. Faith is not wanting to be found, and her trying is only going to lead to frustration and madness… things she really doesn't need right now. What she needs right now is her Grammy's love and affection, and maybe a shoulder to cry on.

Willow feels like she's being watched, and when she looks up, she's startled to see her grandmother standing on the porch, looking at her. _How'd she do that? I didn't even hear her come out! _She gets off her bike, and walks over to her grandmother. The strange thing about the whole situation, to Willow's mind, is that it's like her grandmother has been expecting her. _She doesn't seem to be too surprised to see me… now, what's that about?_ Willow hugs her, and gives her a kiss on the cheek.

" Hi, Grammy," Willow says, " bet you're surprised to see me again so soon, huh?"

"Actually, Willow, " Sarah Weis says, looking intently at her granddaughter. She nods her head towards the house, and it's then that another person appears on the front porch. Someone Willow hadn't expected to see. Willow stands bewildered, not believing her eyes at first.

Faith, looking subdued and nervous, stands by the front door. She looks at Willow, then looks away, then looks at her again, trying to gauge her reaction. She doesn't seem to know what to do with her hands, first hold them behind her, the in front of her, then finally jamming them in her pockets.

" Faith," Willow whispers, beyond stunned.

" Hello, Red," Faith mumbles, feeling out of place. She stands stock still, appearing afraid to move.

Willow recovers, and rushes to Faith, putting her arms around her. She holds her tightly, afraid that she'll disappear again. She can't believe she's real, constantly touching her, reassuring herself that yes, this is Faith, and yes, she is here. Faith doesn't respond, standing silent and unmoving. She doesn't return Willow's embrace. Willow, sensing something amiss, releases Faith and backs off a little, looking at her face. She sees the sadness in Faith's eyes, and her heart sinks.

" Faith, what is it?" Willow reaches out to touch Faith's face, but stops when Faith moves away from her hand. She drops her hand back to her side. " I was so afraid when you… just disappeared like that. I didn't know what had happened to you."

" I'm sorry, Red. I… after what happened, after I saw that look in your eyes, I … couldn't face you. I had to get away, think for awhile… try to make things make sense again."

" Faith, what happened? I know it wasn't your fault. I was scared… I thought…" Willow starts, but is cut off.

" You were right Red. To be scared." Faith says, her tone reserved.

Sarah, realizing that this is a private conversation, and that they need space, speaks up.

" You two have a lot to talk about, I think. I'm going inside," She turns and opens the door. " Come in later, when your finished, and we'll have some tea." She walks inside, closing the door behind her.

For a minute of two, both women are silent. They don't know what to say to each other, and both are afraid to say the wrong thing. An uncomfortable silence falls between them.

" I don't understand," Willow says, breaking the silence.

" I've got a lot to tell you, but not here, " Faith reaches out for Willow's hand, the first gesture that she's made, " Walk with me?"

Willow takes Faith's hand, and the descend the porch stairs, and head out towards the street. Willow marvels at the tenuous connection, feeling Faith's fingers lace with hers. Yet, she can sense a forlornness, an unease and a sense of isolation, all through this modest touch. It troubles her, making her anxious. They walk down the street, finally stopping at a small patch of trees at the end . Faith releases her hand, and they stand facing each other. Faith's expression softens a little, and she reaches out, touching Willow's face. Something deep inside Willow tells her that this is going to end badly.

"What is it, Faith?" Willow asks, bracing herself for the worst, " What do you have to tell me?"

" No beating around the bush for you, huh?" Faith looks away from Willow. She can't look her in the eye, " ok, I guess it's straight to it, then. I don't think we can be together anymore."

"Faith, " Willow just having the piano dropped on her, tries to hold it together, " why?" her voice rising in a plaintive cry.

" So much has changed since that night, Willow. I've learned so much about myself… things I didn't want to know. But now that I do, I can't ignore them… I'm… not the same woman, Red. I don't even know who I am anymore. I thought I knew me, what I was about, but that's all changed. I'm not the Faith you knew. I guess I never was, really. I've learned a lot about what I am , what I've got to do. I thought I knew what my life would be about, but I was wrong. It's different, and you can't be a part of that. Not now."

Willow shakes her head, as if she won't believe that. " Nooo, that's just wrong. Whatever's different, whatever's changed, I know you're still you. You're still the woman I love. I … can't, I won't believe that's not so."

" Believe it, Red. The Faith you knew, is gone. She never was."

" That's bogus. That's just a lie. I don't know why you're lying, but you are. I've fought with you, I've laughed with you, cried with you, and made love with you. I know who you. I know what you feel, what you think. I can tell when you're lying to me, and you're lying to me now."

" You're not listening, Red. I've changed. The girl you knew, the girl you did all those things with; she's the lie. Not me."

" That's wrong. You can't just change like that. No one can. You're who you are, what life made you. "

" And if that life's a lie? What then, Willow? What are you?"

" A liar. Like you."

" You're calling me a liar?" Faith looks at her sternly.

" Uh-huh" Willow gains her ground, " This isn't about changes, Faith. This isn't even about that night. Ok, I got wigged. Sorry, not used to watching guys get their throats slit in front of me. Not my idea of entertainment. I wigged, I ran. But that's just what happens. I figured it out, Faith, I figured that you got trapped into do what you did. Don't know how or why, and you know what? Don't care how or why. Because I care about you! I know YOU! You've changed, all right… you're not that psycho-bitch you played in Sunnydale. I even know that wasn't really you. You were scared. I get that. But, this isn't like that. You don't start quitting when things get tough, when things are change. You work to deal with it. But that's not what's really going on here, is it?"

"What do you mean?"

" This isn't about changes your going through. Life is always about changes, Faith. We're always changing, as things change. Nope. This is about just one little change. Or maybe not a change at all."

" You're losing me, Red. I told you things are different now." Faith is feeling herself get angry, and tries to tamp it back down.

" Really? Are they? Or is it, you just don't want to deal with the fact that maybe, just maybe, you don't' really love me."

" WHA—AAT?" Faith exclaims, surprised.

"That's what this is really all about, isn't it? You trying to make it sound all noble and self-sacrifice-y, but when it comes right down to it, you …" Willow's voice cracks, " Y-You don't love m-me." She turns away, not wanting to show her hurt.

Faith stares at Willow's back, her expression incredulous. " How… can you even THINK that?"

Willow sniffles, " Admit it, Faith, it's the truth. I know that. You don't love me"

" That's got to be the stupidest thing I've ever heard, " Faith says, approaching Willow. She puts her hands on Willow's shoulders, but they're shrugged off.

" It's not stupid, it's the truth. If you loved me, why did you run away from me? Why didn't you come to me, believe enough in me to trust me with what's going on? Why didn't you at least tell me why you did what you did? All you could think about was getting away… I looked all over for you, but you got so lost, you lost me too. I couldn't find you, and I was scared to death you were… god, you were hurt or dying or something… it's stupid, I know. But that's what you think when your lover just disappears on you, without any word. Oh yeah, that note. That was so helpful. Yeah right. You just… you just couldn't look at me, because if you did, I'd know. I saw it today, on the porch. They way you looked at me… all sad like… like you pitied me. Well, I don't NEED your pity. Damn you, Faith, why? What did I do wrong???"

" Willow, please," Faith says, quietly, " listen to me."

" No, no listening. Not listening, " Willow says, covering her ears, " you'll just come up with some fancy reason why you can't be with me… but I know the reason already."

" No, you don't Willow" Faith gently pulls Willow's hand away from her ears, " you're so wrong."

" I'm not wrong, " Willow stands, arms at side, not resisting, " I'm not blaming you. I think… I think you thought you loved me. I'm not saying you were like… playing me. I… I just … think you don't know your own heart. You don't know who to love, because you don't… think you can be loved. You think you don't deserve to be loved… that you're betraying your love…"

" Are we talking about me, or you, Willow?" Faith pulls Willow close, and Willow clings to her.

" I … I … don't know, " Willow sobs, holding tight to Faith. Faith holds her, letting her cry. Tenderly, Faith soothes her, holding her, caressing her hair, letting her get her grief out. After awhile, Willow recovers herself, and pulls away. She walks a little away hugging herself.

" I feel like an idiot, " Willow says, more to the bush she's facing than Faith, " you came here to break up with me, and end up comforting me. How weird is that?"

" Pretty weird, " Faith agrees, but she doesn't approach Willow. She stands by herself, a bit off.

" You're telling me we can't be together, why is that?" Willow turns towards Faith, " I don't understand"

" I can't be with anyone right now, Red. Especially someone I care about" Faith says, not looking at her, " What I found out about myself… it disgusts me, it… sickens me… but … I can't do anything about it. It's part of me."

" Faith, that's what it's about. Ok, I know you've got some darkness… ok, me too… but we fight against it… together."

" I've learned the source of my darkness, Willow. that's the point. I have to show you something. Please, come here," Faith waves Willow over. Willow, puzzled, complies.

Faith pulls her hair off her right ear, and points to a spot behind her ear. " Do you see it?"

" Your birthmark? Yes, I've seen it before. So?" Willow is still confused.

" It's more than that, Willow… much more. Do you know what it means?"

" Ummm… no, not really."

" It's the mark of the demon, Willow. Specifically, a demon of the M'skela clan … a particularly brutal type, from what I've researched."

Willow backs away, still looking puzzled.

" See, thing is, Red, my darkness? It's not like yours. Yours is born out of grief, and rage, and other emotional stuff. Hopefully, it'll fade over time, as your pain heals. Mine… it's with me all my life. It's part of my nature, part of who I am, like my foot, or my hair."

" You're not evil, though, Faith. You don't want to be evil. So, we fight it…"

" No, I fight it. Every day, Red. Cuz, it's right there; it's always there… pulsing in me, pushing at me. Sometimes, it breaks out…"

" Then we deal… "

" No, I deal…."

Before Willow can react, Faith is behind her, her arm around her neck.

" Faith, what're you doing?" Willow says, sounding a little strangled.

" That quick, Red. I could've snapped your neck by now. Before you can even react." Faith releases Willow, who stumbles away, rubbing her neck. She looks at Faith, a tiny glint of fear in her eye.

" And there it is ," Faith says, seeing the look in Willow's eye. " that's why we can't be together. Not now. "

" But, Faith, there has to be a way… some way to control it. To deal with this." Willow says, " It must've happened before. Somewhere there's got to be a solution."

" Maybe. I hope so. I plan on looking for a way. But until I find a way, I can't do this. I can't live in the shadow that I might lose control, that the demon part within me manifests itself. That I might hurt you, " Faith says, her tone resigned, " I can't live with the idea of looking at you, seeing you look at me. Wondering " Will something happen today? Will she lose control today? I can bear to see you be afraid of me, even for a brief time. That's no way to live. This… this can't happen."

" What about me, Faith?" Willow says, her tone aggrieved, " This is my life, too. Don't I get a say? Don't we discuss this, even?"

" No," Faith is definite, " not when it means that your life is at risk. You don't. Even the smallest chance, I can't risk it. I can't live with the idea that in a moment of rage, losing control, I could…" Faith feels her fists tensing up. She raises her hands and looks at them. " No, there's no choice here, Willow. None."

" So, that's it then?" Willow, her tone flat, asks, " You're afraid of your … temper, and you decide our lives because of it?"

" It's not what I want, Willow. It's what's right"

Willow shakes her head, " No, I'm sorry. I won't let you use me as an excuse. If you want to go, then go. I can't stop you, Faith, and I won't try. If you don't want to be with me, ok, then. Be honest. But don't you use me as an excuse." Willow turns, and starts to walk away.

" Willow, please… try to understand…"

" There's nothing to understand, Faith. You've made it clear, it's over. I get that. Just, I'm not letting you use me as an excuse. Be honest, at least with yourself." Willow continues to walk back to her grandmother's house. Alone.

Faith watches her leave, fighting herself to keep from running after her, begging her forgiveness. Be honest, Faith. What did you expect? Kisses? How'd you think she'd react? Just accept it, girl. This is what has to be. Let her go. She deserves more. She deserves to be happy.

Faith walks back towards Willow's grandmother's house, to retrieve her bike. Night has fallen, and she looks up at the sky. She stops, and stares. No stars. I can't see any stars. I guess it's just the city lights… to bright. She remembers that night, not so long ago, when she watched Willow dance under the stars. How happy she was, how joyous and utterly beautiful as she danced under the starlight. Her eyes start to sting, and she impatiently wipes at them, cursing herself for being so damned weak.

She hops on her bike, and starts the engine. Looking over, she takes one last at the Willow's red bike. Turning away, she steers her bike out of the driveway, and into the night.

**Los Angeles, California**

**Now**

Until a week ago, we hadn't spoken since that night. Doesn't mean I haven't thought about her. A lot. Still missing her, like it was yesterday. Does it get easier? I tried to put her out of my mind, think about what I had to do. Yeah, that really worked…

**Boston, MA.**

**One month ago**

Faith is feeling restless. Something's been itching at her for a week, and she can't quite put her finger on it. I just know something's off, and I can't figure what. It wasn't the business; ever since she'd taken over, the business seems to have taken new life. She's managed to increase profits exponentially, increasing 10 fold the previous holdings. She even managed to set some aside to contribute to the watcher's council. Buffy and Giles have been laboring mightily(Well, ok, a bit over the top there) to get the council reorganized, but since it's destruction by the First, its former assets had dwindled. Though she had no desire to 'join' that august body of tweed and stuffed shirts, she knew it had a place in the fight against the darkness. So she funneled some funds through a dummy foundation… at least, until it can get back on its feet.

She had some other things going. Some charities, some fundraisers for victims of demon attack, this and that, to keep her occupied. When she wasn't patrolling at night. She chuckled a little. The first time Jeffries…damn it, grandfather… saw me dressed for patrol, I thought he was going to have a heart attack. He wanted to know why I was carrying an axe under my coat in the Greater Boston area.

" We don't do things like that in Boston, " Henry said, looking disapprovingly at Faith.

" Yeah you do, if you want to live while fighting vamps, " Faith grinned at him, and walked out the door.

Poor grandpa, never gonna get used to me doin' the slayer thing. I'm betting he gets out the rosary beads every night and does a couple of Hail Mary's to keep me safe. Gotta love the guy. Faith stands up from her office desk and walks to the window, looking out. She can't shake this feeling she has… that something's going to happen… something bad. Maybe I'll go work out, that always makes me feel better. She shrugs, and starts pacing around the room. The feeling just won't go away.

" Jackson, do you have those reports ready for me yet?" Faith yells out, figuring she'll distract her mind. She wishes this nagging feeling would go away; it's irritating her, making her short. She walks over to her desk and sits down, flipping on her computer.

A tall man, in his mid sixties, impeccably dressed, with gray hair and distinguished bearing, comes in bearing a file folder. He walks to the desk, and waits patiently for Faith to look up.

Faith, busy looking at her computer screen, just waves vaguely towards the desk, not bothering to look up.

" Just put them on the desk, I'll get to them in a moment, " Faith says, reading the electronic document on the screen.

" Very good, Miss Faith"

The voice makes her look up.

" Grandfather, what're you doing? Where's Jackson? He's supposed to do this. YOU'RE supposed to be getting ready for that trip with Mrs. J. " Faith says, a slightly exasperated expression on her face matching the tone of her voice." Why're you dressed like that, anyway. Not that I mind you looking spiff " Faith smiles, rising and patting him affectionately on the chest. " You do get it… you're not part of the staff here anymore, Grandfather. You're family…right?"

" Of course, Faith… I know that. But… I've done this job for so many years, good years for me… that I don't like not doing it." Henry shrugs his shoulders, " Old habits, you know."

Faith smiles at him affectionately, " Well, you're just going to have to get used to being a man of leisure, grandfather. I mean, you're taking over this house after you return from vacation. As the owner. It won't do for you to be … whatever it is that butlers do. Opening doors and stuff. You'll have staff to do that."

" Yes, I'm aware of that, " Henry says. " I really wish you'd reconsider your decision Miss… sorry, Faith. This house is going to be awfully empty without a Delano in it."

" We've talked this over what? A million million times? If I consider it anymore, my hair'll fall out. I … just can't live here, Grandfather. It doesn't have good memories for me. Not like for you, anyway. I need… my own place… and something not quite so … cavernous."

" Mrs. Jeffries and myself are going to miss you terribly, Faith, " Henry says, a sad note in his voice.

" Grandfather, I'm really NOT moving to Alaska, or Fiji or something. I'm just finding an apartment… not all that far. It's not like I'm not going to come and visit… I just get the wiggins living here, is all."

" I know, I know, " Henry says, " it's just that we've… I've had so little time to get to know you… as my granddaughter. And Mrs. J thinks of you as a granddaughter. We… just love having you here."

" You guys… really good at the pulling the heart strings stuff, aren't you?" Faith teases him. She goes over, and on tip toes, kisses his cheek. " Honest, it'll be almost like I'm here… you DON'T think I'm going to start missing out on Mrs. J's cooking, do you?"

" You better not. She'd be quite put out." Henry smiles at her.

" Now, go get packed, and do that stuff that world travelers do to … world travel." Faith says, tripping over her own tongue. She walks back to her desk, and sits. She picks up a report and is about to look it over when she notices Henry is still standing in front of her. " What? Is there something else, grandfather?"

Henry just stands smiling at her. She gives him a sidelong glance.

" Ok, I recognize that look… what's up?"

" I was just wondering, Faith, " Henry says quietly, " If you've heard anything from Miss Willow?"

Faith's expression is blank. She looks at her grandfather impassively.

" That's ancient history, grandfather. You know that, " Faith says, her tone cool.

" Not so ancient, I think, that there isn't some spark left?"

" Is this 'pick on Faith' day? Is this ' make her feel like crap' day? Cuz, it's sure seeming like it, " Faith says, a slightly sarcastic tone creeping into her voice.

" Then I'm not incorrect?" Henry asks, patiently.

Faith makes an exasperated noise. " Grandfather, even if your dead on, doesn't matter. I broke up with her for a good reason, and that's just that." She turns away to look at her computer screen.

" Yes, I know. You told us. You did it because you wanted to protect her from your 'demon' self," Henry says, not letting it go. " I just wonder…" he trails off.

Faith turns to him, her expression clearly irritated now, " You just wonder? What, grandfather? What?" She stands up. " You too? Are you getting on the Willow wagon that says I'm using her as an excuse to break it off? What?"

" Faith, calm down, dear, " Henry says, quietly but resolved, " there's no need to lose your temper."

" Geeze, grandfather. How'd you feel if everybody was dissing you about something like this. Am I so damned wrong to want to protect someone I care about from … harm… especially harm ' I ' might do to her?" Faith feels her neck flush, and turns away, not wanting her grandfather to see how much he got to her.

" Of course not, Faith. That's a very good thing to do, " Henry says, walking over to her and putting his hands on her shoulders," if that's the real reason. But, Faith, I've been in this house with you for the last 7 months, and frankly, I haven't seen any evidence of any temper… at least, not something that makes me afraid you're going to hurt me. I have to admit you do have your grandmother's Irish temper, though."

"There's no telling when it might manifest itself, grandfather. I'm not putting someone I love at risk, not for my own desires, " Faith says, firmly.

" I understand that, Faith, and I accept it…as far as it goes. I know that's another reason you're moving away… because you fear for me and Mrs. Jeffries."

" I told you I just need my own…" Faith trails off, seeing her grandfather's expression, " Ok, so what? That's so wrong?"

" No, again, if that's the real reason. But I believe there's more to it… and you should at least be honest with yourself about it." Henry looks disconcerted a little when he hears Faith laugh. He looks at her questioningly.

" That's exactly what she said, ' be honest with yourself at least'. " Faith chuckles, self deprecatingly. Her expression changes, hardens, " Look, grandfather? I really don't want to talk about it anymore. I've got a lot work to do…"

" Faith. Work will always be there. Margaret was almost as stubborn as you are," Henry says, " I'm not saying that what you say is not part of the reason why you broke up with Miss Willow, but I do believe that… there is more to it. That you should really think about it. I don't want to see you wind up like your grandmother, Faith."

" She did ok, " Faith says, a little lamely.

" She was lonely, Faith. She cut herself off, because…" Henry trails off, " I don't say you have to be with Miss Willow. I'm just saying, don't cut yourself off from everybody."

"Ok, ok, I get it, ok?" Faith says, her impatience rising again, " don't get all hermit-y. got it!" Signaling an end to the conversation, she turns to her computer.

Henry looks at her sadly, as if he's seen this before. I just hope you do, dear. I just hope you do. He leaves the study quietly.

She's looking over an electronic document, making some changes when her phone rings. Sighing, she reaches over to pick it up. God, how'm I gonna get any work done today? She thinks, irritably.

" Hello, Faith here." Her expression immediately brightens when she hears a familiar English voice on the other end of the line. " G! well, get out! How are you, tweed man?" her expression changes a little, becoming more serious. " no, I haven't seen the papers yet today. Which, did you say? The Los Angeles Times? Yeah, I can pull it up on the computer… sure… yes, I know you love the crinkly crackly sound of paper, but… ok, I'm checking it…." She looks at her monitor, noting the above the fold headline. Her gaze is locked on the story… she reads it… then rereads it… her expression grows dark…" I … do you think? Angel… and Wes? And Gunn… oh… oh damn… oh… no… when… who told you? It can't be… no way… no WAY!" Faith, angrily, hangs up the phone. She looks again at the article, and then goes to the next page.

" … **among the missing, and presumed dead, are Angel O'Connor, acting CEO of Wolfram and Hart, along with Charles Gunn, head of Legal affairs , and Wesley Wyndham-Price, director of research. The entire Wolfram and Hart Building was destroyed in a mysterious blast**…"

Faith feels her temper rising, and before she can stop herself, she lashes out, punching her computer monitor, breaking the glass screen and sending it flying. She's cut her hand, but she doesn't even notice. She leans on her other hand, her head hanging down. For what seems an eternity, at least to her, she sits there, doing nothing, in shock.

Then, her body starts to shake with sobs.

**San Francisco, CA.**

** Three and a half weeks ago.**

They stood under the porch light, kissing.

" Thank you for a wonderful evening, " Willow says, softly. She lightly kissed her date's lips again.

" It doesn't have to end…" Jana replied. She smiled an invitation to Willow.

" I'm afraid it does, sweetie. Work tomorrow… got an early meeting," Willow said. She slides her fingertips down Jana's arms, taking her hands." It's been …" Willow smiles, and leans in, giving Jana another kiss.

Jana breaks the kiss, and looks at Willow, her head cocked to the side. A small self-deprecating grin tugs at her lips.

" Why do you always do that?" Jana asks, giving her a sidelong glance.

"Do what? Kiss you?" Willow smiles, " I dunno…it's yummy?"

" No, that's not what I mean. You always get this close… then pull back. Why?" Jana asks, her brow furrowed.

" You know, doing the furrow thing with the brow? Gonna give you wrinkles, " Willow teases, leaning in to kiss her brow. But Jana pulls back.

" No, I'm serious, Will," Jana says, her grin morphing to a little frown, " We've been dating for a month, at least. And, I dunno, maybe it's just me, but I feeling things, and I think you're feeling things. Seems that way, anyway. I know I want to … " She nods her head toward the house, " … but every time I hint… or drop bricks, even, you pull away… why?"

"Jana, baby, no, " Willow reaches up and brushes Jana's cheek with her fingertips, " it's not like that at all… I'm building a business, honey. You know that. It takes a lot of my energy and concentration. Now, if I were to follow you upstairs, love, and, well, we got busy, I know I wouldn't be concentrating on business… matter of fact, the only thing I'd probably be concentrating on is…" Willow leans in, and whispers in Jana's ear. Jana turns bright pink, but doesn't look at all angry. More pleased. She smiles shyly. " So, you see, I'm really … conflicted here, but … I gotta do what I gotta do, honey."

Jana looks at her, then she shakes her head, and her tone is irritated. " There you go again. Trying to distract me with those wily Willow charms… but I'm serious here, " Jana's tone softens, and she moves closer to Willow, sliding one arm around her waist, the other on her shoulder. She moves in close… so close a piece of paper wouldn't fit between them. She smiles, and licks her lips, " what's the deal, Willow? Are you feeling a little shy?" She leans in so her nose is a bare inch from Willow's.

" Boy, you're not making this easy, are you?" Willow says, her voice sounding husky, " It's not that I don't want to … "

" Then why?" Jana whispers huskily, " Don't you like me?" She strokes her finger along the curve of Willow's neck. Willow closes her eyes, and her breathing deepens, " Don't you find me sexy?" She whispers it directly into Willow's ear.

" If you mean by sexy, do you make me all shivery and wiggly and out of breathy, oh, yeah…" Willow whispers.

" Then, " Jana says, reaching over, and unbuttoning the top button of Willow's blouse,"… you think…" She unbuttons the next button, " … you should…" and the next, " … do something about it?" She lightly stokes her fingertip over Willow's chest.

Willow is one huge tingle. There isn't a part of her that isn't tingling. Her breath is short and panting. But she bites her lip, and pulls herself together.

" Jana, baby, please… this is important, I really can't duck out on it, " Willow pleads.

Jana sighs, and pulls back. She smiles ruefully at Willow, and shakes her head.

" Willow, honey, you know I care about you. Lots. But I'm really not into hopeless cases. I'm going to cut you a whole lotta slack because…" Jana smiles, her eyes twinkling, "… well, you're just so darned cute. But sweet pea, much as I think you're adorable, and definitely munchable, I'm not waiting forever. Figure it out, whatever's really holding you back, and deal. Or… I just gotta move on…"

" Jana, love, I promise… once things settle down a bit, I'm definitely going for the Jana goodness, " Willow looks at her, eyes bright.

" Ok, babe, but don't wait too long, " Jana says, turning, and entering her house. She looks over her shoulder, and give Willow the once over, " I'd really hate for you to miss out on something really beautiful," She smiles, and turns, shutting the door behind her.

Willow stands staring at the door for a minute, her mind screaming at her " ARE YOU A MORON???". She turns, and walks toward her car, appearing to be lost in thought. So lost, in fact, she nearly passes her car before she realizes it. Shaking her head, she turns back and gets in, closing the door. She proceeds to sit there, staring out at the night.

_What the heck is my problem? The girl is practically throwing herself at me. Practically? Hell, if she throws herself any more at me, I'll be lying flat on my back. Never mind the three colored neon sign over her head that says " Eat Me!". Cripes, am I dead? I mean, what's wrong with her. Let's think. She's gorgeous, she's smart, she's witty, she laughs at my stupid jokes, and I get the distinct impression she thinks I'm sexy. Ok, now. I get it now. Run, Willow, run! She's perfect! How horrible is that, huh? Oh, my god, she might make you happy… the horror of it!_

_So, oh brilliant one, what is your problem? Are you a moron? Why are you sitting out here, staring into space, instead of in there, in her arms, kissing and getting the snugglies and all the good stuff? Are you that much of an idiot? What's your problem? You're single, no ties, no commitments, what's your deal?_

_Do you think Faith is sitting around, all dressed like a nun and wearing a chastity belt and holding prayer beads, being all pure and holy?_(Willow contemplates the image for a second, and shivers). _God, you're a perv, Willow. Even that's giving you the hots. What is it about her that does that… aw, screw it. You know she's not sitting all alone waiting for you, dim bulb . She's probably out every night, partying and dancing and getting into the nasty… So why should you play the little Jewish nun? Think she cares? Are you nuts? Of course she doesn't. So why're you … Aaaah!!!_

Willow starts her car, and drives off. Frustrated, horny, angry at Faith, and… really angry with herself. She knows she's being a fool. She and Faith? Finito, done, kaput. She's particularly angry with herself because she lied to Jana… there's no early meeting tomorrow. Just another day of building the business. _At least, that's going good_, she thinks, as she drives. Her networking business is really taking off. With the help of some talented people(herself included), they've managed to land a few juicy contracts, and there are more on the horizon. Things are going well, she's managing to make payments to creditors and investors in a timely manner… it's going great. So great, sometimes, so smoothly, she wonders if maybe … she should be doing something more.

She hasn't forgotten what she told Buffy those many years ago. She wants to help people, and she wants to fight evil. Ok, admitting that after the first? Really was looking for a vacation. Needing some serious not fighting bad guys time. But in the back of her mind, in her heart, what she wanted long ago… is still what she wants. She misses the gang… Buffy, and Xander, and Giles, they all hanging out, doing the research, fighting the evil. She misses the feelings of camaraderie , the working towards a common purpose. She even misses, oddly, the stressing out, the fights, and wounded feelings. Because, it was all part of it, the thing that gave purpose and meaning to her life. She misses those feelings, most of all.

_Most of all, really? Or is it Faith? You miss her, most of all, don't ya, you moron! You gotta let it go, get past her, move on. Right, that's so easy. For all the insanity, for as much as she made me crazy? She touched me like… no one else. Even Tara didn't touch me, the me deep inside, like Faith did. I hate it, and I hate her for it. Because why did she have to leave me? Face it, Will. She wasn't looking for long term. She… had other needs. Needs that you can't take care of, evidently. She needed her space, her independence. She made up a pretty fairy story, but what she really needed was to move on. And that, baby, is what you need to do to. Yeah. Move on. That's what I'm gonna do. Move on._

_One of these days._

Willow pulls her car up in front of her house, parking it by the curb. She gets out, and walks up the walk, and something inside her shivers. She's felt that something was off or wrong for a couple of days now. Something was out of whack. The feeling was stronger now, tonight. She looks around, trying to see if someone or something is lurking around her house, but she doesn't see anything. She shakes it off, feeling stupid. Still, she's cautious approaching her house. Too many damned stories about women getting mugged… or worse, at their own homes. She listens carefully at her door before inserting her key. Hearing nothing, she laughs at herself._ Think you better watch thinking about old times… next you'll be seeing vampires in the closets_. She flips on the lights, and notices the red message light is lit on her answering machine. She goes over and presses the replay button.

" Willow? Willow, are you there?" Faith's voice comes over the speaker, and Willow's face tightens. She reaches out to hit the 'erase' button, but stops herself. " Willow? If you're there, please pick up." there's a slight pause, " Ok, I guess you're not there, then. Look, I know I'm probably the last person in the world you want to talk to, ever. But something's happened, and … I need to talk to you… please call me at 617-555-7789 when you get this message. At any time, it's important."

_Why is she calling me? I thought we agreed… Damn, I'm gonna have to change my number. Make sure it's unlisted. Damn her, why doesn't she let me alone? Ok, she wants to talk, fine. We'll talk… and I rip an ear off her in the bargain._

Willow, feeling angry, dials the phone number. It rings a few times, and she's about to hang up when she hears Faith's voice on the line.

" Ok, Faith, what's going on? I thought we weren't going to do this anymore…" Willow stares out in space, listening, then says, "sitting down? Why should I be sitting…" It hits her that this isn't like before." What the…what's going on, Faith?" she pauses… and listens… and goes pale… " No, no, no… that can't be… there's got to be a mistake…" She listens some more, and finds herself leaning against phone table. " When… how?" As Willow listens, a tear starts rolling down her cheek. " No, I didn't… no… What about Buffy… does she know?" She wipes at the tear, " How… how she … how's she holding up? I bet… yeah… she never really… I know… all of them, you're sure?" she listens, and then asks. " Faith… are you ok? I know how close…" her face gets an anxious look on it. " It's ok… no… don't apologize…" her tone softens, " Look, Faith, if there's anything you need…?" she sighs, " Yes, I know… Memorial? When?… oh… alright… yes, … I'll be there, yes… just let me know when, ok? What?" She listens " No, I understand… yeah, it's ok. Yeah… ok, you take care … promise? Ok … bye … bye " She hears Faith say something softly, but can't respond before the connection is cut off.

Willow stands looking at the phone, " I miss you too, " she whispers.

She places the phone on the cradle, and leaves the room.

**Los Angeles, California.**

**Now.**

Faith sits in the garden, watching as the sun starts to disappear on the horizon. She remembers back to the conversation she had here with Willow, trying to wriggle out of going to Sunnydale. _Guess that didn't work, did it? Somehow Red managed to pull my strings and got me to go. Considering what's happened? Not sure yet if that was a good thing or not. Ok, saving the world? Good thing, I guess. Getting to know Willow better? Yeah, good thing. Kinda sorta not having B putting up wanted posters with my name on 'em? Good thing. Falling in love with Willow… Faith sighs. Does it matter, really? I kinda fucked that up._

Faith remembers another conversation she had here. With Angel. It was just before she 'reappeared' after being AWOL for 4 days. She was scared, about almost everything. She didn't know what to do, and she needed someone to talk to. So she called Angel, begging him not to tell Buffy or Willow or anyone, and asked him to meet her. He did. Here.

**Los Angeles, California**

**One year ago**

Faith sits in the garden, looking up at the moon. She's nervous, knowing she has more than one person ready to hang her out to dry. Ok, I couldn't deal. Fuck this crap, not like I asked for any of it. All I want is to be left the fuck alone. Is that so hard for Buffy & Co. to understand? Why do they think they gotta fix everything? What's their deal, anyway? Not like they're doing so great in their own lives. She knows she's just blowing smoke. The real reason she booked was she couldn't deal with what was happening to her… what she was feeling for Willow. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, this shouldn't be happening. I'm too smart to get sucked in. I know the deal. Get in, get some, and get out. So, why'm I … back here? Shit, I can't … she won't go away. I can't get her to get the hell outta my mind. I know she did some spell on me… never felt like this with anybody before. I swear I'm gonna grab that witch and…

" Faith?" Angel comes up and stands next to her.

"SHIIIITTTT!!!" Faith yells out, jumping a foot. Instinctively she falls into a fighting pose, until she sees that it's Angel. She hits him anyway.

"Ok, well," Angel rubs his arm, " what was that for?"

" Don't you know not to go sneaking up on people, Fang? God, I nearly had a fucking cow!" Faith growls. " Ya know, make a noise, let me know you're here. Don't just … " She makes an angry noise.

" You knew I was going to be here, Faith. Anyway, after the little stunt you pulled, and worrying everybody half to death, not really feeling too guilty about startling you."

" Is that why you agreed to meet me, Fang? So you can rag on me?" Faith says, sounding bitter. " Ya know what? Just forget it, Angel. I thought you were a friend…" Faith starts to walk off, but Angel just moves in front of her, blocking her way. " Hey, Angel, get the fuck outta my way. I still know how to use a stake. Not allergic to killing vamps, either!"

" Go ahead, Faith, give it your best shot, " Angel says.

Faster than thought, Faith pulls the stake out, aiming for Angel's heart. Just a little faster, Angel blocks her hand, holding it just inches from his chest. They glare at each other for a moment, then Faith lowers her hand, putting her stake away.

" So, you wanna tell me what's got you all cranky, Faith?" Angel asks, " Or maybe that's your version of foreplay?"

" Get over yourself, Fang. Any kinda sexual thing we might've had? So over" Faith says, smirking.

" Yeah… kind of figured that. Especially since I'm not red haired, a witch or female…" Angel smirks back.

" Crap!! That obvious?"

" Naw. Not if you're blind and deaf and been living in a cave the last 4 years, " Angel chuckles, " even Buffy got it. What does that tell you?"

Faith just sighs and shakes her head.

" So, Faith. What's going on. Why'd you pull the Houdini, anyway?"

" Look, Angel, I didn't call you to play 20 questions with you, ok?" Faith takes a bag out and hands it to Angel, " could you see that Red gets this?" She hands Angel a package. He looks at it briefly, then hands it back.

" Sorry, Faith, I don't do delivery service. If you want Willow to get this, you're going to have to give it to her yourself."

Faith looks pained. " C'mon, Angel. Help me out here. Don't want to see her, ya know? Too much…" she trails off, not wanting to get into it. She tries to give him the package again.

" Sorry, Faith, " Angel says, smiling apologetically but putting up his hands, refusing to take it. " Not going to do this for you."

" God, Angel, why're you being such an asshole? Didn't I just pull your butt outta some bad stuff a few months ago, nearly got myself killed doing it… kinda lame, not helping me here!"

" Maybe, but not as lame as you trying to get me to do your dirty work. I know what you're doing, and I'm not gonna be part of it."

"What're you babbling about, Angel? " Faith looks at him disgustedly, " All I'm asking you is to give this to Red. Not like it's gonna blow up or nothin'."

" Faith, you made a big deal out of me coming here. Somehow I'm not convinced it's because you want me to deliver this package. You're spooked. What's up… why'd you run away?"

"Gee, surprised Red didn't tell you, "Faith says, harshly, but she's genuinely surprised. She expected Red to tell Buffy and Angel and anyone else she knew what kind of psycho Faith was.

" Willow wouldn't talk about it. She … when she came back, she was upset, but said she'd talked with you, and that you needed some time to figure things out. I admit, we weren't really buying that, but we didn't want to confront her on it. She was pretty upset," Angel bends the truth some, figuring that Faith is freaked enough, " thing is, when you stayed away, she got more and more upset. Then Kennedy left, and that upset her. She still won't talk about it, but I can see she's near panic." Angel gives Faith a hard look, " If you're trying to scare her, good work. She's freaked."

" Oh, shit. I didn't mean… damn, " Faith says, getting up. She starts pacing, not wanting to look at Angel. " I can't just go back… not after what I did…"

" What you did?"

"She really didn't tell you?"

Angel shakes his head, and Faith tells him, briefly, what happened in that bar four nights ago. She doesn't sugar coat it to make herself look better; if anything, she paints herself the villain of the piece. When she's done, she glances at Angel, trying to read his expression, but his face is impassive. That freaks her more than anything else would have.

"What'm I gonna do, Angel?"

" I dunno, Faith, " Angel shrugs, " What do you want?"

Faith looks at him, puzzled. Angel gets up and goes to her. He holds her by the shoulders, and looks directly at her.

" Faith, unless you got an idea of what you want, this is pointless. You're making everybody crazy, including yourself."

" Look ,what does it matter what I want? After what I did? Think she's gonna want… anyway, she's got a girlfriend…"

" What do you think?" Angel asks her, watching for her reaction.

"What the hell? Are you playing psychologist now? ' What do you want?' ' What do you think?'. Shit, Angel, just give me a fucking answer!"

" If you think about it, you've already got your answer!"

" Huh?"

" Have you been listening to me at all? Did you hear the part where I said she's been half out of her mind with worry. Not something you want to do with a witch that could probably blow up L.A. I might add, " Angel grins at her, " Oh, and that Kennedy left… if she wanted to be with Kennedy, why didn't she follow her… why is she still here?"

" All very pretty, Angel," Faith says, defensively, " but that means squat. I mean, so she stayed here. Maybe she and Ken-doll just had a big row. She might follow her back, anyway. And, if I go, what's to say she won't just slap me or tell me to get lost, or to drop dead…and that might be fatal, considering."

" Uh-huh… maybe. Or maybe not. But, you're never going to know, " Angel says, " unless you risk it."

" Why should I? Why should I set myself up, just to get punched down?"

" No reason… if you like being alone." Angel looks at her, " Trust me, Faith, from someone who knows alone. It's not all that great."

" Yeah, and look how great it worked out for you when you …" Faith trails off, realizing she might have crossed a line.

" I wouldn't trade a second of it, Faith. Well, ok, the bad stuff, Evil Angelus, that I could live without… but the rest? Even the pain when we broke up… no, I wouldn't change any of it. Not for anything."

"What if she hates me?" Faith says, her tone sounding a little desperate, " What if she… what if she doesn't want me? I don't know if I could deal with that…" Faith looks at him, pleading for an answer, " better to walk away, not know… then to… crap… I can't… I don't want to be hurt, Angel. Why should I trust you? or her? or anybody?"

" No guarantees, Faith. But I know this… unless you like being alone, you gotta trust somebody…"

**Los Angeles, California.**

**Now.**

… _so, why didn't I listen? Why didn't I trust her just a little bit more? Let's face the facts, Faith. She called you on it, and you blew it off. Nice and noble, you convinced yourself, didn't you? You broke up with her, broke her heart and your heart, because… you wanted to protect her… from yourself. Yeah, but maybe… just maybe… you were afraid she'd break your heart first…once she knew. Didn't want to hurt, so you hurt her first. Aw, fuck, what does it matter? It's too late now, anyway…_

Faith, lost in her thoughts, doesn't notice at first that she's no longer alone in the hotel garden. It takes awhile, but she senses something, and looks up. A slow smile spreads over her face.

" Hey "

" Hey "

* * *

To be continued 


	15. Part 15

Independence

By Norwalker

Part 15 of

Summary: What did Willow and Faith discuss in that little car trip from L.A. to Sunnydale in season 7? And what were the consequences? A Willow/ Faith story

Rating: R, Very R

Category: romance/drama/angst

Spoilers: Possible season 7 spoilers. Possible season 4 Angel spoilers. C'mon, you must have seen 'em by now!

Time Line: Mid season 7(after the return of Faith) and beyond

Disclaimer: Joss Whedon , Mutant Enemy and Fox own them.

Warnings: Adult themes, violence, sexual situations between members of the same gender. Please be aware, character death is always a distinct possibility. It can happen here, so don't say I didn't warn you!!! Any racist remarks are spoken by the characters, and are in no way shared by the author. This story is not meant for children.

Los Angeles, California

Now

Cookie Dough 

She stands on the sidewalk, watching the workmen putting the final touches on the old hotel, and a small grin pulls at her lips.

_Cookie Dough._ She shakes her head in wonder at that whole little speech she gave Angel just before she and the others took on The First._ I'm not done baking yet? Ok, I've said some silly things in my lifetime, but that one's really gotta qualify right up there with the worst. What the HELL was I thinking?_

Buffy has been doing a lot of soul searching since she got the news of Angel's death. Their on again/ off again/ on and off and sideways upside relationship has been the nexus of her thoughts in the past month._ Maybe it would've been easier if we'd never seen each other after defeating Mayor Wilkins. But that didn't quite happen; things seem to throw us together again, however briefly, at the oddest times._ For all she tried to put it behind her, her relationship with Angel, her first ' true' love, had colored every other relationship she'd had. _Do you ever really get over your first love?_ She smiles self mockingly. _Now you're going to have to get over it, Buffy. No second chances to fix this one. Ever going to figure out what you really want?_ Sighing, she walks through the gate leading to the front lobby of the hotel. She notes a considerable amount of work has been done in the front; the garden has been put in shape, the paint on the outside looks new, the portico looks refurbished. _Lot of work has been put in here._ She's just about to enter the lobby when she spots someone over in the side garden._ Faith?_ It's hard to tell who it is , so she decides to go through the lobby to the garden entrance off the lobby.

The inside looks much like the outside, restored and polished up. She notes that a number of chairs have been placed in the main lobby._ Probably planning to hold the memorial right here._ She also sees a woman leaning on the reception desk, hunching over a laptop, on the phone. From what she can tell, she's an older woman, probably in her mid thirties or so, thin, on the tallish side. As Buffy approaches her, She notices she has shoulder length light brown hair, intense gray eyes, and a pleasantly attractive face. But at the moment, she seems more than a little harried. She's reading information on her laptop at the same time she's talking on the phone; from what Buffy can determine, she's not liking what she's hearing. As Buffy approaches, the woman looks up at her, her eyebrow shooting up in a " Well, what do you want?" kind of way. Buffy mouths " Faith?" and the woman, with an impatient look, vaguely waves over towards the garden. Buffy mouths " thanks" but the woman just looks at her; more, she look through her. Buffy is nearly taken aback at the power of her eyes. She smiles uncertainly, and makes her way towards the garden.

She walks out and notices Faith sitting on one of the stone benches, half turned away from her. Buffy observes that she seems to be in her own little thought world, and quietly waits a bit away, looking her over. Buffy senses a change about her, but can't quite put her finger on it. She looks pretty much the same; Buffy can't pin it to one or two things that might be different. Just something is … off. _Paranoid much, Buffy? She's lost in thought…not likely to be herself that way. This thing with Angel has hit her deeply, too._ Buffy watches as Faith seems to break out of her spell, sitting up and looking around. She notices Buffy, and a small smile crosses over her face.

" Hey" Faith half waves to Buffy, inviting her to come over.

" Hey" Buffy walks to Faith, and sits, turned so she can look at Faith.

" Well, aint this a bitch, " Faith says, shrugging, "never expected to be…" she trails off, bemused.

" Yeah, always expected he would be… shit, I still can't take it in, " Buffy says, " what happened? Do you know?"

" Only rumors. No one's alive to talk about it… at least, no one that's going to talk to us about it… heard he… they… pissed off the Senior partners, somehow. Something about black thorn, whatever the hell that is… maybe you can have Giles look it up…"

" Dunno about that. The First and Caleb did a real number on the Watcher's council. Destroyed the main depository of their resources. Frankly, don't know if they'll ever be what they were." Buffy shakes her head.

" Well, I'm sure Giles and Company will do their best to make it just as stuffy as it's always been, " Faith mocks, and then catches Buffy's expression, " Ok, cheap shot. I know Giles is trying to make things different… better… but frankly, if they're like I remember, he's having an uphill battle of it… not entirely convinced their destruction was 100 a bad thing…"

" Really, Faith, we're trying to make it different…" Buffy looks pained, " And a lot of good people died…"

" I know, I'm not being fair… right? But then, hard to get the warm fuzzies for an organization that does it's best to kill you…"

" I remember… since they tried to kill me when you switched bodies with me." Buffy arches her brow.

" Ok, alright, B. I had a few little problems… not like I haven't paid for them…" Faith starts to get a little bristly.

" Guess we're always going to do this, huh?"

" Seems like… we always get into this territorial thing whenever we get together…" Faith remarks, " kinda hoping that would end when we went our separate ways, neither of us being slayers. Doesn't seem like."

"No, it doesn't, " Buffy says.

They're quiet for a little while, then Buffy starts up again.

" You've done a nice job with the place, " Buffy says, gesturing towards the hotel, " looks really good."

" The workmen did the job, I just saw it got done, " Faith replies." It's no big."

" I meant, it was good you did the whole thing… planning a memorial" Buffy says, " Took time and money and stuff. What does Will think of it all."

" Geeze, Buffy, just plunge in the knife already, and get it done, ok?" Faith says, angry. She stands up and walks off.

"What? What'd I say?" Buffy, confused, follows Faith.

" Oh, c'mon Buffy, Willow didn't tell you? Her ' bestest ' friend in the whole world?" Faith looks at her suspiciously.

" Willow … didn't tell me anything, Faith, " Buffy says, genuinely not getting it, " What's to tell?"

" You expect me to believe that, Buffy? I mean, she said nothing all the times I'm sure you called her? Nothing, nada, not a thing? Puh-lease, do I look like a dope?"

" Faith, you're not making sense. The times I called Willow, we talked about this and that… what was she supposed to tell me?"

" That we're split up, " Faith says, looking at Buffy intently. _What the hell kinda game is she playing here, anyway?_

" What? When? What happened?" Buffy asks, not believe Faith. _What kinda game is she playing here? Will would've told me if they split… wouldn't she?_

"What's going on here, B? I mean, surely when you called her, and asked her " How're things?" She mentioned this? It must rate over the latest flavor at Starbucks or something."

" Look, Faith, I'll be honest here, " Buffy says.

" That'll be a switch," Faith intercedes.

" Sarcasm? Not helping, Faith. Ever since You and Will went on that ' mission' for Angel, way back when, I… well, once I went to Europe, haven't been in touch much with anyone in the old gang. With rebuilding the council and all, and whatever was going on here, not much talking got done. The times I would remember to call, just to check in? Lots of times, she ' wasn't available'. When I did catch her, conversations were on the short side, and she seemed to not want to talk too much about her life. I'm getting why now."

" Didn't that kinda make you a bit suspicious?"

" Yeah, I guess. But her tone said ' don't push it, Buffy' , so I didn't. And, frankly I was busy myself, with the council and Dawn and everything. I was kind of hoping to catch up some … another reason I came early…" She frowns, " I'm guessing that's not going to be happening."

"Well, what about when she called you about Angel, and the memorial… and …"

" She didn't, Faith. I learned about Angel from Giles… and then… ok, I kinda just went AWOL, Faith. I've been 'gone ' from the council for like a month or so… couldn't deal with the fucking bullshit… I guess she called Giles … and I called him, after… that's how I found out about the memorial…"

" No, I called Giles. I called her to tell her, but … she wouldn't talk to me, so I left her a message. I just figured she call you…"

"Well, now I guess I know why she wouldn't talk to me much. Didn't want to tell me about…" Buffy looks bemused. " What happened? Why'd you split?"

" Really none of your business, B, " Faith moves towards the door, " best just to forget about it, ok?"

" Is that what you're doing? Forgetting about it?" Buffy asks, sarcastically, " What'd you do?"

" Why do you automatically think I did something?" Faith turns on her, " How do you know she didn't do something?"

" Because I know her, better than anyone," Buffy says.

" Really? You know her, right? How come when she needed you most you weren't there for her then, huh?"

" What're you talking about?"

" After Tara… after she went psycho… why weren't you there for her? When she came back? She needed her friends… and where were you?"

" I was there…" Buffy says defensively

" Yeah, so much so she didn't even feel like she belonged. She sure saw you needed help… what? You think I came to Sunnyhell out of the goodness of my heart? She pleaded with me to come, because you were losing it… over some vampire, yet. God, how original "

" That's so not fair…!" Buffy starts turning red.

" But it's fair the way you treated her, is it? You and Xander and Dawn? You wonder why she doesn't want to talk to you ? Maybe because she doesn't believe in you anymore!"

" That's such a lie… I don't believe you…" Buffy looks at Faith, and she calms down. A smirk comes on her face. " Oh, you're good. Nice try, Faith. But this isn't the deal. We were talking about you and Will. What'd you do?"

" As I said, it's not your business, B. What do you care?"

" Don't want to see Willow hurt, " Buffy growls, " not by anyone."

" What you gonna do, Buffy? Kick my ass? Real mature. Is that your solution to everything?" Faith gives her a disgusted look, " when're you gonna grow up, B? Sometimes things just don't work out."

" Maturity lessons? From you, Faith? That's rich, " Buffy repeats, " What did you do?"

" Look, Buffy, I didn't 'do' anything. I found out stuff about me, and what I've got to do… and what I am… and I … broke it off with her, ok? There, happy? If you want, you can kick my ass now."

" Why? You're doing such a good job of it yourself, Faith."

Faith looks at her, puzzled and suspicious.

" Oh, please, Faith. I know you think I'm an idiot. But even I can see you're still busted up over it… god, you about tore my head off there, trying to protect Will. That doesn't sound like a woman that doesn't care. Why kick your ass for being stupid? You're doing just fine yourself, " Buffy shakes her head, " Anyway, IF you ass needed kicking, Willow doesn't need my help to do it. She can pretty much hurt you any way she wants to."

" Yeah, well, if you think I'm mourning over it, you don't know shit, B. But then, that's typical. It's over, past history, you know? I moved on, pretty sure Willow has too." Faith is all business. " If we're done here…"

" Liar, Faith. You're such a liar, " Buffy says, not trying to be mean.

" Believe what you want, B. You always do." Faith shrugs as she heads for the lobby door.

" Faith?" Buffy calls out. Faith stops, and turns back.

"What?"

" I get it, Faith. I do."

" Great. I don't get what the hell you're talking about, but great."

" Look, Faith. I don't know what happened between you and Will. Not my business, ok. But I get what it's like when you can't be with the one you want to be with. I really do."

Faith looks at Buffy's face, and finally gets it herself. Grinning ruefully, she sits on the step, across from Buffy.

" I guess you do, Buffy, " Faith says, quietly. " How do you do it? How do you get through it?"

" Oh, yeah, I'm the one to ask. I ran away, and went to hell… and it didn't help," Buffy says, "Look, Faith, there are no formulas, no magic spells. You just wake up today, hoping you don't think too much about 'em, and get through the day, hoping that you don't get too many reminders of 'em. At the end of the day, if you're not feeling like crap, you're doing ok. If you're half way happy, it's a good day. "

" Good days, " Faith muses, " I think I'm still working up to not really crappy."

They both sit silently for awhile.

" Who's the scary suit?" Buffy finally asks.

" Scary suit?" Faith asks, puzzled. Then a slow smile tugs at her lips, " Oh, you mean inside? Kinda tall, gray eyes, brown hair? Looks like she has a cell phone surgically attached to her ear?" Buffy nods. " You met Kira, then."

" Met is kinda strong for what we did, " Buffy says, " I'd say more like, we did a Marcel Marceau when I asked about you."

Knowing Kira, Faith chuckles at the image. Buffy shrugs.

" She looked kinda mad," Buffy grins, "very intense and businessy."

" I'm going to guess she was talking on the cell with one hand, and looking at her laptop and typing with her other?"

" Yeah… that's it."

" You caught her while she was in her 'zone'. She hates being interrupted when she's in her zone. Kira can be a little fussy about things."

" Ok, great… but…who is she?"

" Ah, I'll let her tell you that, " Faith says, getting up. She walks over and grabs Buffy's hand. " C'mon, B, I want you to meet her. She's a hoot." She pulls on Buffy's hand, but Buffy stays sitting.

" Don't want to bother her, " Buffy says, clearly not thrilled with the idea.

" Ahhh, don't sweat it, B. Kira's had enough 'zone' time for now. If I let her, she'll stay like that all the time, then she starts taking herself way too seriously… not a good thing, let me tell you." Faith pulls on Buffy's hand again, and Buffy stands, reluctantly.

" Why can't you just tell me who she is?" Buffy says.

" What's the fun in that?" Faith grins at her.

Pulling Buffy along after her like a reluctant child, Faith makes her way inside the lobby.

San Francisco, CA.

Now

" Are you sure about this?" Jana asks Willow for the third time.

Jana watches as Willow packs for her trip to L.A. Knowing Willow has been an interesting, sometimes exciting, and often frustrating experience for Jana. The Wicca group she belonged to had discussed Willow at length. When Willow actually later joined the group, it was like having a celebrity member. In Jana's opinion, if there was anyone that was the antithesis of celebrity, that was Willow Rosenberg. She was modest to the point of shyness, very quiet, but on the other hand extremely approachable. You couldn't guess by her demeanor or her actions that she was probably one of the most powerful witches in the world.

Jana's interest has gone deeper than celebrity, however. Everyone, including herself, had been a bit leery of approaching her; _hell, who knows what kind of chip she had on her shoulder, you know what I mean?_ But Jana had taken the initiative, and was glad she had. She'd discovered a warm, caring woman with no pretensions. She has one of those smiles that are infectious, a soft, kind voice and a totally unique(some would say weird) way of talking that was charming and confusing at the same time. Then there were those clear, olive colored eyes that could run a myriad of emotions from merriment to downright anger. Jana feels lucky so far she hasn't seen the latter.

Jana has to admit her interest in Willow Rosenberg has taken a more personal interest. Over the months she's known her, Jana has found a growing attraction for the red-headed Wiccan. She found herself making excuses to spend more time with Willow, and has even boldly asked her on a few dates. She could tell by Willows small knowing grin that she was catching on to Jana's game, but she played innocent, and didn't try to push herself on Willow. _Not that I'm exactly dog food, mind you!_ Actually, at 5'7", long raven hair, deep blue eyes, cute little smile dimples, and a trim figure, Jana was far from, as she puts it, dog food. A little older than Willow(_Ok, pushing 30, don't make a deal of it_), she had an even temperament and a mischievous streak. She loved to prank on people. Thing was, Willow was sharp enough to turn the prank back on her, so she had to be careful with her. _She's so cool about it though, as if she didn't even know about it. Gotta love her for it._

That was another thing. Jana's afraid she is loving her for it… and other things. And despite Willow's casual friendliness, Jana senses a huge wall built around her heart._ She's been hurt, and she's totally doing the avoidy thing about anything serious. Shit, Jana, now she's got you talking like she does._ Jana can also sense something deeper. Some secret she's hiding away…something that scares her badly. Jana feels all her instincts kicking in, wanting to reach out and comfort the younger woman._ Sigh. Looks like I'm getting it bad._ She realizes that Willow is no where near ready for anything nearing commitment, so she has to put her own feelings on a low burner way in the back. _For now, it's gotta be friends. Maybe… goddess, I hope so, more later._

Willow looks up from her packing, and smiles. " Jana, sweetie, thank you. But really, I'm ok about this. I'm going to be totally to the good there."

" Uh-huh, " Jana stalls, taking a second to translate Willow-speak," I'm not saying you need someone along… just thought it'd be nice and all… and in case you get oh, needing to talk…"

"Jana, you're so cute sometimes, " Willow chuckles, " I'm going to have friends there, and I'm pretty sure they'll be checking weapons at the door…"

" Ok, ok, I'm being a little over protective, I get it, " Jana smiles, " but still, I know it's going to be difficult, and you're ex is gonna be there, and … I don't like you being all alone without anyone to like… you know."

" Yeah, I know, " Willow says, detecting the tiniest little note of jealousy in Jana's voice._ She's so sweet, but I never … gosh, girl, don't get all tied up in me, trust me, not worth it._" Don't worry, Jana. It's all ancient history, and I know Faith has moved on to other things." Willow sighs internally, wishing now she'd never spilled the beans about Faith._ Well, maybe if you hadn't gotten a little drunk and weepy, Will. Goddess, you're hopeless sometimes. I'm gonna have to be real careful here. Don't want Jana to get too serious… I so not ready for serious._

"Look, Will, if it's because you don't want to share a room, we can like have separate rooms and stuff. I won't get in the way, promise, and hey, we could do the tourist stuff , you know? It'd be a blast, don't you think?" Jana tries to sound casual, but her tone is hopeful. Inside her head she's screaming at herself._ Damn, damn, don't push. Man, she's gonna know your doing the pleading thing here. Just cool it, girl. She doesn't want to be pushed, ok? God, don't blow this before it even starts, you moron!_ " It's been forever since I've been to L.A." Jana says, offhandedly.

" Think that might be because you think L.A. is like the cultural wasteland of California?" Willow smiles. But she's sighing inside. _Oh, man._ She gets up and walks over to Jana. " Jana, you know I like you, right?"

Jana nods, silently kicking herself. _Oh, man, I blew it. She's upset. Here it comes!_

" You know I like spending time with you, right?" Willow looks at her, trying to gauge her reaction. Again, Jana nods.

" Ok, then. I'm not trying to keep you out, Jana. I want you to know that. But this is something from my old life, my life before I came here. It's really personal to me, and I need to do this by myself," Willow reaches over, and lifts Jana's chin, which seems to have sunk to her chest. " I love that you want to be with me, and support me. That's really so sweet, " Willow smiles at her, and Jana smiles back. " I'm fond of you, Jana. But you've got to remember what I told you before. I'm really not ready to go to the 'next' place yet. I'm not ready for anything serious, ok?"

" You think I want serious?" Jana says, lightly, covering her feelings , " No way, Will. I just thought well, since you were going anyway, we could ….well, you know, have some fun, too. No big deal." _Shit, shit, shit, shit. Stupid, so stupid, really stupid, Jana!_

Willow looks at the woman seated across from her. _Why'm I being such a dope? It's obvious she likes me… and I'm finding I like her. Why'm I being such a stupid , and doing this. I gotta let the past go, and start living for now. This is stupid, Willow. Really stupid. What? You think she's gonna wait forever?_

" Jana, don't think I'm not caring about you. That I'm not enjoying being with you. Just, I told you, my last two relationships? I rushed into them, and it was a total disaster. Both counts. I don't… I want better for us, if there's gonna be an ' Us '. Ok? I just need more time. Please, try to understand that."

"Will, why're you getting all serious, huh?" Jana says, standing up, " It's like you said, you know? It's casual, things are cool. We're buds, right?" Jana walks to the door of Will's bedroom, and turns, " I just thought we could have a couple of laughs together in L.A. But I get it. It's a serious thing, and personal. Like I said, no big. So, ummm, I'll see you when you get back then, right?"

" Jana, I'm not leaving til tomorrow night. I thought maybe, after I got packed, we could go down to that little café on 7th street, you know, and get dinner?" Willow knows she's blown it already, but hoping she can repair the damage she's done.

" Man, I'd love to, Will," Jana says, " but I'm kinda behind on my project for work, and I really gotta buckle down so I can get it done by deadline, you know?" _Aw, shit, she's gonna see right through that one!_

"Oh," Willow does see through it, but is afraid to challenge her on it. " Ok, well… I guess when I get back then?"

" Yeah, cool, that'll be cool, " Jana says, opening the door. " Man, what was I smokin', anyway, girl? Go to L.A. ? McDonalds by the sea? Gimme a break, ya know? I musta been high," Jana laughs, and walks out the door. " Seeya later, Will" She calls out over her shoulder.

Willow sits for a second, her brow furrowed. Then she gets up and crosses to her dresser, to get more stuff to pack. She catches a glance of her reflection in the mirror over the dresser.

I swear, Willow Rosenberg! For being so smart, you're pretty much a dufus!!

Los Angeles, California

Now

" No, no, and NO!" Kira Hearne growls into her cell," I told you last week what I was expecting from the Robertson account, Darren. There is no way the client is going to accept those numbers, and then he's going to drop his account with us, costing us…oh, what? 5 million in commissions per quarter. Do you think we can afford that kind of hit, Darren?" Kira stands impatiently listening to the caller on the other end. " yes, I'm aware of that. And if you remember, I told you how to work around that… twice! What do you mean, that can't be done? Excuse me, but I'm not an idiot, Darren. I checked it out for myself. Not only can it be done, but it can be done, my way, at a cost savings of 6 . Yes. I sent you the projections, and the costs ratios. What do you mean, you didn't get them? I sent them 3 days ago. I'm really not liking what I'm hearing here…"

At this point, she stops, and looks up surprised. Faith has snatched the cell from her hand, and starts speaking into it.

" Hi, Darren? Yes, it's me, Faith. Yes, I know, I know. But be nice, and do what Kira told you to do… Yes, I'll expect the first draft in her email box in oh… what say? 5 hours? Good… yes…ok, goodbye, Darren." Faith closes the phone, ending the call.

Kira looks at Faith, her expression angry. " Why'd you do that? I had it handled. You know as well as I do that Darren is just a stubborn…" it's then she notices the petite blond woman standing a little off from her and Faith, and she modulates her remark " … guy. It really doesn't help when you cut in like that, you know."

" I know. Darren can be a Jackass… a total fuck, " Faith watches as Kira blushes," Oh, c'mon, you know you were thinking the same thing. Don't worry about B. She's used to my language, she won't faint. Anyway, Darren's an asshole, but he's a smart asshole, and he knows his biz, too. Sometimes, love you forget that. Sometimes sugar works better with stubborn asses, better than the lash."

Kira still looks peeved, "Faith, you can't just do that. I mean, it undercuts my authority. You know as well as I do how hard it's been for a woman to get respect in the business world. I need these guys to respect me."

" And they do, Kira. All except Darren, who's an asshole, and doesn't respect anyone. Except me, cuz he knows I can beat the hell outta him." Faith smirks. "Oh, stop pouting, Kira. You're just mad cuz I took your toy away, " Faith hold up the cell phone, " you'll get it back soon enough. I want you to meet someone, is all." Kira looks at Faith, her mouth pulled down into a frown." Oh, c'mon, Kira. Stop being that way. You know I respect you. You're one of the most brilliant business people I know. I couldn't do this without you, you know that." Kira tries to keep her expression grim, but basking in Faith's praise, soon finds herself smiling. " Now, that's better. Don't want you all frowny face when you meet Buffy."

Buffy, watching this, is somewhat amazed. _Whoa. Never would've thought it. Faith? As the peacemaker? The build up the troops girl? I gotta admit, she's smooth. A lot better leader than I'd give her credit being. Hell, better than I am . Ok, Buffy, don't go overboard… still…_

Kira turns to Buffy, and looks at her intently. " Hey, haven't we met before?"

" Don't know if you'd call it meeting. But we did mouth a few sweet nothings about Faith a few minutes ago," Buffy says, smiling. " Hi, I'm Buffy."

" Oh…gee… was that you? So sorry… didn't know you were Faith's friend." Kira blushes a little, " I was kind of rude. But I was in the middle of something, and that jerk I was talking to can be so rude…"

" No big. Believe me, I know how rude guys can be, " Buffy laughs, " pleased to meet you…ummm.. didn't catch your name."

" Well, color me rude, now. Buffy Summers, this is Kira Hearne. Kira, this is Buffy Summers."

" Hey, Kira," Buffy sticks out her hand.

" Hi, Buffy, " Kira says, taking her hand. " Buffy… odd name, but I've heard it before… wait, I know this… Faith… didn't you tell me you worked with a Buffy… another slayer like you, right?"

" That's the one," Faith says, nodding her head towards Buffy.

" Really?" Kira looks at Buffy, somewhat surprised. " Her? You're not kidding?"

" No, not kidding, Kira."

" But… she's so… tiny." Kira looks at Buffy again.

" Umm… guys? Standing right here. Can hear you, you know." Buffy protests . _Tiny? God I'm NOT tiny!_

"Oh god, I'm sorry, " Kira blushes, " Just surprised. You're so… little."

"Faith…" Buffy's voice takes on a slightly irritated note.

Faith is enjoying this all too much. She's doing her best not to break out laughing.

" Oh, I'm sorry, so sorry," Kira stumbles over herself, trying to make it right, " I didn't mean anything by it. It's just the way Faith described you? I expected someone… bigger. More like a 6 foot Amazon woman or something. Taking on groups of demons, and vampires, and a --- what was that Faith? A 20 foot snake monster demon thingie?"

" Faith???" Buffy feels her temper rising, " You told her I was a 6 foot tall AMAZON?"

Faith puts up her hands and grins sheepishly." Nooo, not me, B. "

Buffy looks at Kira, puzzled and annoyed.

" Umm… ummm… look, it's my fault, ok? I mean, I just assumed, from what Faith told me about you…" Kira is beginning to blush furiously. Faith is just having a good time with this. Buffy looks annoyed, but not really mad. " Ummm… can we start again, please? Hi, I'm Kira, and you're Buffy, right?" Kira sticks out her hand.

" Hi, " Buffy says, starting to chuckle, " good to meet you, I think."

" So sorry about the mix-up… I just was going by what Faith said…"

" Kira? Word of advice, from someone's who's been there? Take Faith's word with oh, a pound of salt, ok?" Buffy grins, giving it to Faith.

" Hey!"

" Don't believe everything she tells you, trust me, you'll be happier."

" Hey!" Faith protests, " Don't be going and making Kira think I'm a liar, B."

" So, Kira," Buffy goes on, ignoring Faith, " Faith hasn't told me anything about you. I'm guessing you… work with Faith? What exactly do you do?"

Kira, not used to the spotlight shining on her, blushes. "Oh, I…" She looks at Faith for the ok to tell. Faith nods, " I'm the CEO of the Lehane Group. You might say we're a worldwide financial concern. Actually, I'm CEO of the North American operations."

" The wha - who - huh?" Buffy says, lost.

" The Lehane Group, Buffy. My grandmother's family business. Don't bust a brain cell over it, nothing you've ever heard of, " Faith says, lightly, " I just wanted you to meet Kira, since you almost ran into her earlier."

" Ok, no busting brain cells here, " Buffy says," just wondering why Kira is acting like you're the boss?"

" Well, she is, Buffy," Kira looks at Faith, confused. " She's the chair of the board of Lehane International, the parent company."

Buffy is beyond stunned. She stands there, looking at Faith as if she just came in on the shuttle from Venus. Faith chuckles at Buffy's reaction.

" Man, this is so … I wish I had a camera, just so I could get a shot of your face, B. Too rich, " Faith is laughing.

" This is a joke, right?" Buffy can't believe what she's hearing.

" No joke, B. What? You thought I was gonna be party girl forever?"

" Well… no, of course not… but… geeze, Faith, you've gotta admit, it's kinda… ok, it's totally unbelievable!" Buffy looks at Faith, then Kira, then back to Faith.

" That's my B." Faith laughs, " Well, don't strain those blonde hairs of yours too much. I'm not gonna be the chair much longer."

" Huh?"

" Faith, I still think you should reconsider…" Kira isn't in favor of this move, obviously.

" Kira, you know I'm not happy doing this. And there's plenty of talent to keep Lehane running just fine. I need…" Faith turns serious, " I need something more active in what I supposed to do… "

" You're making a mistake, Faith. You're doing good things now, why do you have to …?" Kira looks unhappy.

" Ah, Kira, don't get all pouty again. You know the company's financing it. The rest of the board agrees with me on this… and they said you're welcome to come along, if you want."

" Faith, you know I'd follow you …" Kira says, " but this isn't my kind of thing…I'm good at what I do."

" I know that, too, Kira. And I'm gonna need someone like you to keep things running smoothly… and keep the board off my back."

" What're you two talking about, anyway?" Buffy says, trying to follow along, but feeling like she's at a tennis match, blindfolded.

" Look, B… I really can't get into too much now. But I'm planning something… something I'm hoping you want to be a part of… but, later, after the memorial." Faith shoots a look at Kira. " When everybody's already here."

" Ok, sure," Buffy replies. She's feeling more than a bit dense, a little lost, and more than a little annoyed.

" So, since we're all such great buds now, can I buy you guys a drink… or 12?" Faith grins.

" Faith, I really got more work to do…" Kira says, looking to back out of this. She's not the party type.

Faith looks out the hotel lobby, into the now darkened garden.

" Workday's over, Kira. Time to unwind a bit." Faith turns to Buffy, and grins, " See why I like her? She reminds me of you… a bit too tightly wound." Faith winks.

" Hey, I didn't turn down the drink, girlfriend, " Buffy says, " long as you're buying."

" That's the spirit, Blondie. We'll drink to old friends, lost loves, and good times… whattya say?"

" Really… thanks, Faith, Buffy. But I really should get back to my hotel room and finish…."

Faith looks at Buffy. Buffy looks at Faith. Before she can protest, each slayer has taken Kira by an arm, lifted her and started carrying her out of the hotel.

" No… please… really… I've got to get this …"

" Lead on, Faith," Buffy says, grinning.

" You betcha, B." Faith grins, evilly. " You're gonna have fun, Kira, if we've gotta kill everybody in L.A. to do it."

Kira, looking a little scared, just rolls her eyes.

" Ummm… now what?"

Kira Hearne stares intently at her empty glass. She gives it her full attention and concentration, as if afraid it will disappear or change if she doesn't keep watch over it.

"Well, generally, Kira?" Faith says, just the tiniest slur to her voice, " When it gets empty? You order another one." Faith lifts her glass, and drinks from it, then notices her too is empty. " Oh, dear, this'll never do." Faith raises her hand, signally for the waitress to come take an order. She looks up, sees her hand waving, and stares at it, briefly fascinated.

" You know what I think?" Buffy asks, with the concentration only commanded by one who's drunk, and not used to being drunk.

" No, Tinkerbell, what do you think?" Kira grins at her own joke.

" Well, first of all, I really think you should knock off the short jokes, ok? Gets old fast… ya know?" Buffy says, a bit sloppily, " I mean, how'd you like it I start calling you stretch, stretch?"

" Ah, lighten up, B. I mean, you gotta admit, you're kinda on the diminyoo… er… short side" Faith grins at her.

"Oh yeah? Big enough to whip your ass, Faith. So, wanna make somethin' of it, slayer?" Buffy chortles, suddenly finding the whole idea hilarious.

" Boy, somebody gets hostile when she's smashed," Kira looks at Buffy owlishly.

" Drunk? I'm not drunk… and hey, I'm not hostile, either!" Buffy protests, " just I got a great idea, and no one wants to listen to it."

" Go ahead, Buffy. I'm listening, " Kira says, all ears.

" 'K…ummm… what was I saying… ah crap… wait… ok… I got it. Yeah, know what I think?"

" kinda did that already, B. But, hey, whatta ya think?"

" I think, it blows that you gotta go and get the glass refilled every time it gets empty, you know?" Buffy stares at her empty glass, " or wait til like your 80 for the waitress to show up…know what I mean?"

"Well, yeah, ok, but you know, thing is? you drink the drink, the glass gets empty. Law of… hmmm… I dunno, some law" Kira smiles.

" Yeah I know… not dumb, you know? But… what if you … I dunno, enchant the glass? So it like never empties? That'd be totally cool."

" And totally dumb for the bar. Pay for one drink, and never get paid for another. Be outta bizness in a week."

" No… you're not getting it. See, you charge a hefty price for the first drink… way big price. Then , it covers the costs of lots and lots of drinks, you know? And hey, save on labor… don't need waitresses. Cool, huh?"

" Who… I mean, where'd you get the glass? I mean, not like they just enchant glasses all willy-nilly," Kira giggles, " Willy-nilly… sounds like a band."

Buffy looks intently at Kira. Faith grabs Kira's face, and turns it towards herself, looking closely at her.

" You're plastered" Buffy and Faith say together.

" I'm not plastered. Not even really buzzed. Ok, maybe a little buzzed, but light years from plastered!" Kira looks at her glass, turns it over, and slams it on the table. " I need another drink!"

"Where the hell is that waitress, anyway?" Faith growls, " What, do I need to like send up a flare or somethin? Shit, I'm going to the bar." Faith stands up, a little woozily, and heads towards the bar.

" Hmmm… she should make a Navaho rug with that weave, " Buffy comments on Faith's progress to the bar.

" Are you two always like this? I mean… so competitive?" Kira asks.

" Yeah, I guess we are. It's always been that way, you know?".

" But who's the better slayer?" Kira asks," I'm putting my money on Faith."

" Why doesn't that surprise me?" Buffy smiles, a little knowingly, " What if I said I was the better slayer?"

" I'd say you're rather full of yourself " Kira says

" Naw, trust me. Ask Faith the same thing, and she'll say she's the better slayer. Thing is," Buffy says, low and confidential, " it's not all that easy to suss out anymore. I used to be pretty sure I was the better slayer. Pretty much had a lock on it. But … it's different now. Faith's changed… in a good way. Her attitude, her confidence? All up there, way up there," Buffy leans in a little, " Don't say I said so, cuz I'll say you're lying, but she's ahead of me right now, I'm thinking."

" Really, Blondie? Hey, I'm touched," Faith grins down at her. She's standing behind Buffy, holding their drinks.

Buffy gets a sourly rueful look on her face. She half covers her face with her hand and looks away. Kira, catching the dynamic going on( _The Chosen Two? NEVER PRAISE EACH OTHER… not in the other's presence, anyway_), smiles at Buffy's embarrassment. Faith puts a drink by Buffy, and does the same for Kira, then sits herself.

" Hey, don't stop now, Buffy. I mean, gotta love hearing praise from you. It's rare… hell, it's practically non-existent."

Buffy just stares down at her drink, feeling she's already said too much. _Oh, yeah, I need Faith getting a swelled head over this. Uh-huh._ She looks up at Kira, as if she set her up, then at Faith, with a frown on her face. Then she looks back at her drink. A rather uncomfortable silence falls over the table. Finally Kira stands up.

" Hey, ummm… I still have lot of work to do back at the hotel, and if I drink any more it's never going to get done." She collects her coat and purse, " I'll see you guys later, ok?"

" No… don't go, Kira," Buffy says, standing up, " frankly, I'm kinda out of the party mood. I think I could use some air."

" What' going on? I go to the bar for 5 minutes, and all of a sudden, everybody's ready to motor. What did you two talk about, anyway?" Faith looks from one to the other, trying to suss out the sudden tension at the table, "we were having a pretty good time, last time I checked."

" Faith, I've really got work to do, and I don't want to be up all night trying to figure it out, especially after drinking. Besides, I think there's stuff you two need to talk about. And it's not going to get done, not if I'm sitting here, " She turns to Faith, " I'll see you back at the hotel, ok?" She brushes her fingers over Faith's shoulders.

" Well, at least take a cab, ok? Not safe out there, you know?" Faith looks up at her, and covers Kira's hand with her own, " charge it back to the company." She gives her hand a gentle squeeze.

"Count on it," Kira smiles, returning the squeeze. She extracts her hand and turns to Buffy, " it's been fun, ya know?" She turns and walks off, heading for the exit. Faith watches her briefly.

" She gonna be ok?" Buffy asks

" Yeah, Kira's pretty savvy. She knows how to take care of herself, and I taught her a few things."

It grows quiet at the table again, neither knowing exactly how to start this little chat. Buffy fiddle with her drink, distracting herself. Faith looks over at Buffy, finally, and sighs.

" Well, this is kind of stupid. I mean, what've we got to talk about, anyway?" Faith shakes her head, sipping at her beer, " Kira gets some strange ideas, sometimes."

" Look, Faith, Kira's right. There's some things I need to talk to you about, to kinda clear the air, you know?" Buffy shifts uncomfortably in her chair, " I just don't know where to start."

" Don't look at me, B. I don't have a clue what you want to say, " Faith leans back in her chair, " it's not like we're lifelong friends you know. We worked together a couple of times, and we both knew Angel. That's the only reason we're even here, together."

" Yeah, I know. We've always been at each other, trying to top dog each other, and it's all been bullshit, " Buffy says, " it was stupid, and frankly, a lot of it was my fault."

Faith cocks her head, a small grin on her face.

" Ok, ok, most of it, don't be so…" Buffy exhales noisily, " look, do you have to make this harder than it already is? Think it's easy for me to say this?"

" No, I guess it's not, " Faith nods her acknowledgement, " Sorry, not trying to crank you or anything. It's just a little unexpected."

" Yeah, I know. I haven't exactly been open – arms girl when it came to you, Faith. I know that, " Buffy takes a drink, " but I've had a lot of time to think over this last year, about what's important to me and what's not. Not having the weight of the world on your shoulders does that for you. Frees up your mind, a whole bunch."

" Buffy, is there a point here? I mean, anytime in the near future?"

" The point is, Faith, that I thought about what happened between us, and why, and I know that it could've… should've been better. I was totally insecure, though. With Angel, and all the other stuff I was going through, I couldn't deal with another slayer right then. I didn't know if my friends really were my friends, after I ran off to L.A. My mom, she still didn't trust me not to hop another bus off to who knows where. Giles was angry, even if he hid it, because I left him in the lurch. And, then there was Angel, I thought that was over and gone, and he reappears from who knows where? I can't tell anybody about it, because they wouldn't get it. They would've thought he was still evil. Hell, I didn't know he wasn't evil… not until he killed the beast Pete had become. I was all confused, and you show up, and now I've got you to deal with…and I didn't. I put you aside, made you feel like nothing. But I know … I wish I hadn't. Because you know what I was going through, being a slayer, you could've … shit. I was wrong. I didn't see you as an equal, I saw you as a burden, and I made you feel that way. I was stupid, so stupid."

Faith sits with a poker face, absorbing what Buffy's saying. _Well, never thought I'd live to see this. Buffy? Admitting she's wrong? What's the catch?_

" Why're you doing this, Buff? I mean, ok I know all this, sort of. Rehashing the past is kinda pointless. We aren't that close, and not sure we can ever be that close. Sometimes that's just the breaks."

" Well, I guess that's your choice, but I wanted you to know. It's important that you know."

"That's where you're wrong, B. It wasn't my choice. It was your choice. You had the power. You could've been my friend, but you decided you didn't want that. Now, you're sitting here and saying ' lets be all friendly like' ? What're you thinking, anyway? I moved on, Buffy. I don't know why you're stuck in this groove, but maybe you should think about moving on too."

" I'm asking for a second chance, Faith. I know we've got history, bad blood between us. But isn't there some way we can get past that?"

" I'm still not hearing the why, Buffy. I hear you want to be friends, but why? Why now? Why is it so important now?"

" Maybe it's loss, Faith. Losing Angel, this way. I'll never get another chance with him, you know? Hell, you've been closer to him than me, lately. I lost him, and he's a big part of my life. I lost Riley, because I wasn't paying attention, I didn't clue into the fact that I needed him, really needed him, as much … more… than he needed me. Then there's Spike…"

" Yeah, ok, I really have to know about that one… Spike. You let him run around the house in Sunnydale, despite the fact he was chipless, and he had been influenced by the First. He could've easily killed the potentials. Why is that, Buffy? What was the deal with you and Spike? I can't … no, I know there wasn't anyone you gave that kind of pass to, besides him. Why?"

" I needed him, Faith. I needed someone who was on my side. I was fighting for my life, and all the lives in that house, don't you get that?"

" I get that, Buffy. But think about it. You needed someone on your side. Well, why didn't you try reaching out to your friends? No, instead you come on like the little dictator, not brooking any discussion about anything. It was your way or the highway, Buffy. What did you expect to happen?"

" We were in the fight for our lives. There wasn't time to have a democracy, Faith. Sure, it sounds nice, but in the end, someone had to make those hard decisions. The ones nobody else could or would make. You know that, you led them for awhile."

" Yeah, I got that. But even so, I listened. I might've shut them down, but I listened." Faith shakes her head, " God, we've done this enough. Can we not do this anymore? it's done, over, and we're past it."

" Yeah, you're right. We're past it." Buffy takes a drink. " There were other reasons, too, Faith."

" Huh?… Oh, Spike, right. Other reasons…ok, go ahead, lay it out for me."

" Look, Faith, when Willow brought me back, I was lost. I'd been somewhere wonderful. Being back here was like being in hell. It was bright and harsh and angry. I hated it. I felt more dead here, than there. Everybody, my friends, expected me to just ' get over it'. Be happy, be grateful for being ripped out of heaven… if that's what it was. Everybody, but Spike. He got it. He knew what I felt. He didn't expect me to be ' perky and happy'. He just accepted what I was," Buffy sees the look on Faith's face, and nods, " Ok, I get the irony. I wanted to be accepted as I was, but I didn't do that for you. Ok. But, I'm explaining why… I felt what I did for Spike. It was weird, but I couldn't feel anything… I was empty inside. It was like someone else was living my life, and I was just looking over their shoulder. I hated it, and I wanted to feel something. Spike made me feel something, even if only for a little while. Even if it was perverse, I felt something. I wasn't empty… not for those moments. Can you understand that?"

" Yeah, I get it, " Faith replies. _I get it all too well._

" He did that for me. Made me feel again," Buffy's face goes wistful, " he took care of Dawn. When I was dead… god, that's so weird, thinking about that. But he watched over her, protected her. He didn't have to, he could've walked away, but he didn't. He stayed with her."

" Yeah, sounds like a peach, " Faith mutters, " yet, he tried to rape you, too."

" I remember, Faith, " Buffy says acerbically, " I was there, remember? Scared the shit out of me. If I hadn't stopped him…" Buffy's face goes bleak, " but I did stop him, and he left. He left town, left the country, I learned later, and got a soul… went through hell to get it, and more hell after he had it."

Faith doesn't say a word, she just stares at her.

"Why are you looking at me like that? Don't you realize what he did? He bought into a lifetime… hundreds and thousands of lifetimes, of torture for what he'd done. He remembered everyone he killed, saw every face, regretted each kill. You didn't see him in the basement, Faith. It drove him to the edge of insanity."

" Oh, really? I wouldn't know anything about that, " Faith says, ironically. Buffy looks down at her drink.

"He did it for me, Faith. Because he thought that's what I needed to love him. He went, and went through that for me," Buffy looks up, straight into Faith's eyes," it wasn't one thing, it was a combination of things, over time, Faith. Spike once said that I needed some monster in my men… I guess, in a way, he was right."

Faith grins, but it's not a pleasant grin. " Yeah, see that's what bugs me, B. You give Spike all this benefit of the doubt, but if you remember, he came to Sunnydale originally to kill you. He tried to kill you on a lot of occasions. He would've still been trying to kill you if the government hadn't put that chip in his head. It acted like a leash, and you seemed to forget what was behind that muzzle. But when I came here, I was on your side. I wanted to work with you, do the slayer thing. But you… " Faith makes an impatient gesture, " you acted like I was here to kill you. You never accepted me, never, B. I was always the outsider, the junior partner. Even though I could hold my own with you… I was at least as good as you, but you wouldn't admit it. Never. Then when the shit hit the fan, and Alan Finch died, did you stand by me? Don't think so… you were ready to turn me over to the police, right?"

" That's not true, Faith. I wanted to help you, but you were in Denial land."

" Bullshit, Buffy. I was in protecting my ass land, because surely no one else was watching my back. You had all the support, Buffy, but you wouldn't even toss me a crumb. You wanted to help me, alright, right into a jail cell or into the watcher's council equivalent," Faith glares at Buffy, " dammit, I was 17, alone and scared. Do you really think I didn't remember Alan Finches' face when I staked him?"

" Yet, when I tried to get you to look at it, face the fact that you killed him, you remember what was said?" You don't get it , Faith, you killed a man." And you're reply? " No, you don't get it, B. I don't care!"

" And you believed that? You bought that? "

" What was I supposed to believe, Faith? Tell me!"

" Maybe I was a human being, with feelings. Not some kind of monster, " Faith says, quietly." Maybe that I was frightened, and cornered, and needed you to keep trying."

Buffy stares down at the table. " I screwed up Faith, badly. I should've welcomed you, treated you like an equal. I didn't. I had lots of crap going on. Lots. I had to hold it together, and it kept falling apart on me," Buffy looks up at Faith, " I was afraid, Faith. I… before you came, another slayer, Kendra came. We didn't get along so well at first, either," Buffy looks away, " but we finally kind of got it together. She came back to help me with Angel… and… Drusilla killed her… it was my fault, because I went looking for Angel, when I should've stayed there to fight. I was tricked, and I lost her, and nearly lost Willow. I never forgave myself that stupidity. All that stupidity. When you came to town, I didn't want to get close to another slayer again. Didn't want to feel that again…"

They sit quietly for awhile, neither one wanting to break the silence. Finally, Buffy stands and grabs her glass. " I need another beer. What about you?"

Faith looks at her glass, then shakes her head, " Naw, I'm ok"

As Buffy goes to the bar, Faith leans back in her chair, thinking over their conversation. _What the hell happened to her? The Buffy I knew was on top of it, or at least, tried to be. But… she's different now. Something really whacked her around. Why is she trying to make nice now? Not like she needs me, not as a friend, anyway. Yet, she's trying. She's reaching out. Maybe I should reach back…_

" Faith?" Buffy says, approaching the table. She puts a beer down in front of Faith. She sits down.

" Hey, I said I was ok, B." Faith protests.

" I really hate drinking alone, ok?" Buffy looks almost desperate.

" ' K… thanks" Faith tilts the beer up and takes a good swallow. She looks over, seeing Buffy looking at her, fiddling with her beer bottle, seeming afraid to speak. " What?" Faith asks, a little impatiently.

" Nothing, " Buffy says, catching her tone. She lifts her bottle and takes a swallow.

" Buffy, what is it?" Faith says, more gently.

" What's wrong with me? I used to think I had it all together, I knew where I was going , what I was going to do. At least, I thought I did. Now I just seem to be drifting along, not even a clue where I'm going." She shakes her head in disgust, " I'm just wasting my life."

" Buffy, that's stupid talk, " Faith says, " you're on the Watcher's council. You're doing important stuff."

" That's bogus, Faith. It's a sham, " Buffy leans back in her chair, " only reason I'm there is because Giles insisted I be there. They don't want me there. I've tried to institute some changes, and I've managed a few things. But it's still so chaotic. Caleb did a real good job on them. Most of their resources are pfffft. Gone. Stuff that can't be replaced, at least… not with the resources they have. It's been a struggle. All the records of their holdings? Blow to bits. For awhile there? Looked like it was over," Buffy rubs her thumb over the top of her beer bottle. " Then something strange happened. Well, strange in a good way. Some foundation… the Samaritan Foundation, I think… suddenly came through with a very generous donation. I'm talking millions here, Faith. Enough to get us back in the game, so to speak. We were able to start recruiting slayers, even start a small training academy. Offer counseling to the families…so they'd understand what was happening to their daughters. If not for that grant…" Buffy eyes her surreptitiously, but Faith's face reveals nothing. " Still and all, I don't know what I'm doing there. I mean, what I can contribute? I've done. I really think I need to get out of there, but I don't have a clue what to do," Buffy frowns, " I just can't go back to being a civilian, Faith. I know too much, been through too much. " Buffy leans her face on her palms, " maybe I should just go somewhere, become a slayer again. I've never been much of the organization girl."

" C'mon, Buff. You're just going through a bad time. You'll figure it out, you always do."

"No, it's deeper than that. I just don't seem to care anymore. I wake up in the morning wondering why I'm even there. And then Angel dying… just blew me away. I just packed my bag, left a note for Giles, and took off. I've been AWOL for like the last 6 weeks or so. I called Giles, just to see how he's doing. That's how I knew about the memorial. I haven't talked to anybody else, not even Dawn. I just needed… to not be there. Do you get it?"

Faith nods. She's been down that road all too recently.

" The PtB? They gotta be laughing at me really good right now. Look at us, Faith. Think back to a year ago. Who would've thought we'd be here, like this? I've been hearing lots of good stuff about you, Faith. I knew you were involved in something important… I just didn't know how important til today. What? Don't look at me like that! I try to keep tabs on people I care…" Buffy trails off. She sees Faith's look, and gets a little defensive, " hey, I care about you… believe it or not. You and Willow…" She sees Faith's grimace, " sorry."

Faith shrugs, " don't be. Moved on, it's over." She doesn't want to talk about it. She moves closer to her, and puts her hand on Buffy's. " Look, Buffy, you're gonna be ok. You'll find your purpose, what your meant to do, that's all you need. I know."

" I dunno, Faith. So many things I wish I'd done differently. You, Angel… I dunno. I look at you, and I wish I had what you've got. I don't know what happened, Faith, but you've got it all together. I see you in action, just little things… and you're so on top of it all. I used to feel like that, but you're living it. That's why I said what I said to Kira earlier. You're way ahead of me in everything…"

_Not everything, Buffy._ " Look, do we have to like have this competition thing going all the time? Can't we get past that?"

" I'd like to. I'd like to get past all the past crap. You know? Start again, maybe?"

" Cool. I'd like that."

They look at each other briefly.

" Do we hug now?" Buffy asks.

They look at each other again.

" NAW!" they answer at the same time. They're both buzzed enough to laugh at that.

" So what's the deal with you and Kira?"

" Me and Kira?" Faith asks. "No 'deal' Buffy. We're just co-workers… well, ok, I'm her boss, but we're just … well, friends."

"Really? Gee, I thought… "

" You thought… what?"

" I dunno… I … it seemed to be more than just friends. At least, that's the impression I got off her…"

"Your nuts, B."

Buffy mumbles something into her beer.

" Little louder, Buffy. I can't hear you through the bottle."

"I said, I can understand it"

"Well, despite what you can understand, Buffy, there's nothing going on between me and Kira."

" Maybe… from your end, anyway."

" Ok, vague that up a little more for me, B. I'd hate to understand what the hell you're talking about."

" Ok, well, I'm drunk enough so I can deny it tomorrow, saying the beer was doing the talking."

" Huh?"

" She isn't your first co-worker to have a crush on you, and not say anything to you about it." Buffy looks away.

" Ok, again I say… huh?"

" Oh, c'mon, Faith. Don't' even tell me you didn't…" Buffy stares at her in disbelief.

" What the hell are you…." the light bulb goes on. Faith stares back at her. " You?"

" No, that other slayer you worked with in Sunnydale." Buffy's tone is a bit edgy.

" Oh, please. You barely tolerated me. You were always acting so …." The other light bulb goes on. " Oh, shit"

"Remember that day you came and pulled me outta class? I was taking a test, and you came to the window, and blew on it… then drew the heart? For a split second… well, I nearly peed my pants… til I got what you really meant…"

Faith shakes her head, " Naw, quit it Buffy. Fun's fun, but hey… it was all business with you. Don't be even trying to pull my leg here…"

" All business, huh? How 'bout that dance in the bronze, after we took out that nest? That was business?"

"Fuck, Buffy. That was just a dance."

" For you, maybe." Buffy says quietly.

" Get out"

Buffy just sighs. She takes another pull off her beer.

" Well, why didn't you say something?" Faith pushes her a little, playfully. Unfortunately, Buffy's a bit unsteady, and her beer spills… all over her. Faith laughs.

" Aw, crap…" Buffy exclaims," I'm gonna smell like a brewery now. Really not funny, Faith."

" Don't get your panties in a bunch, B, " Faith says, " We'll get you back to the hotel, and you can change into something a little less eau d' Heineken."

"Not staying at the hotel, Faith. Got a room at the Marriott downtown."

"Really? Gee, guess I shouldn't have had Kira check you out and your stuff moved over then…" Faith grins at her.

"WHAT? Hey… what's that about?"

" C'mon, B. I renovated the old Hotel. Thought it'd be good idea if all of Angel's friends stayed there… you know, kind of catch up, swap war stories… that kinda stuff. Don't be a party poop, now."

Buffy shrugs. "What the hell. Marriott wasn't all that great, anyway."

"So ummm… before we get you home, and you get all dried up and showered and pretending to be sober again, gonna answer my question?"

"What question?"

" Why didn't you say something."

_Shit, thought I dodged that bullet. _" Hey, I was still in high school, Faith. My sexuality… didn't extend to women, you know? Not then, anyway. I was kinda afraid of what I was feeling, so I just kinda pushed it away."

" That's too bad, B. We coulda had some fun." Faith grins at her, " So, ummm… when did you change your mind… about women that is?"

Buffy shrugs, " I dunno… just know the idea doesn't wig me out." She meets Faith's gaze, " I'm over the crush, Faith."

" Really?" Faith arches a brow, and leans in, just inches from Buffy. " When?"

" Oh, I guess around the time you started threatening my friends."

Faith grins and stands up. " Alright then. We better get you back to the hotel before you start stinking up the place."

"Well, thanks, " Buffy stands up.

As they make their way to the exit, Faith turns to Buffy.

" You know, you could've avoided the whole Spike thing"

"What're you babbling about now?"

" Well, they do allow conjugal visits at the prison. And, seeing as you need a little monster in your lovers…" Faith lets the suggestion trail off.

" I knew I shouldn't have told you," Buffy groans, " you're hopeless, Faith." She rolls her eyes.

" Yeah, but that's why you love me, B." Faith says

To be continued.


	16. Part 16

Independence

By Norwalker

Part 16 of

Summary: What did Willow and Faith discuss in that little car trip from L.A. to Sunnydale in season 7? And what were the consequences? A Willow/ Faith story

Rating: R, Very R

Category: romance/drama/angst

Spoilers: Possible season 7 spoilers. Possible season 4 Angel spoilers. C'mon, you must have seen 'em by now!

Time Line: Mid season 7(after the return of Faith) and beyond

Disclaimer: Joss Whedon , Mutant Enemy and Fox own them.

Warnings: Adult themes, violence, sexual situations between members of the same gender. Please be aware, character death is always a distinct possibility. It can happen here, so don't say I didn't warn you!!! Any racist remarks are spoken by the characters, and are in no way shared by the author. This story is not meant for children.

* * *

Willow sits in the airport terminal, slouched over, carryon at her feet, hands clasped before her. She shifts around in the chair, feeling uncomfortable. For the 5th time in the last 15 minutes, she checks her watch.

_- I wonder why they make these chairs so darned uncomfy? Is it some rule? Maybe airports don't want you to get too comfortable. Or maybe it's someone who hates airports and travelers and wants them to be uncomfortable. I mean, would it hurt to put a little padding in them? Are they afraid that a horde of transient travelers will just sit here, never boarding the planes.-_ Willow looks at her watch yet again.- _Where are they? I swear I told Faith I was coming by plane… she said she'd have someone meet me. Geeze, is this like some kind of revenge? Let me sit here, all worried and stuff? Kinda childish, I think. Was she always like this? I thought she was more mature than just playing little games with me. God, what did I see in her again? Maybe it was a good thing being the dumpee back in Indiana. I mean, geeze, if she is like this…now, after all that time…what would she be like in the middle of an argument? Boy, I'll bet she's just sitting wherever she is, having a big old laugh. " That dumb red head…just sitting there, thinking I'm gonna meet her at the airport? What a hoot… making her wait around for nothing." Geeze. What if she just leaves me here, and I miss the memorial? Is that her plan? All of Angel's friends are there, with one big exception… me… and I can hear her saying, " Well, look at that. Red couldn't make it. Must be too busy to remember her friend. Kinda cold, don't you think?" God, I'm an idiot, trusting her!-_

_- _Willow stands up, and grabs her bag. -_ Well, I'll show HER! I'll rent a car, and go myself… but… where is she having it again? Damn, she didn't tell me! Crap! -_ Willow sits back down, frustrated.- _I'm so going to find her, if this is her game. I'll find her, and …_

" Willow? WILL?!!! God, I'm so sorry. God, Faith is gonna be so pissed at me!" Buffy runs up to where Willow's sitting. " God, how long have you been waiting? Traffic was murder, and I left late… don't be mad, ok?"

"Buffy?" Willow looks up, " Buffy?" she repeats, not believing her eyes," Faith sent you to pick me up?"

" Yeah… god, I'm so sorry. I meant to get here before your plane landed. But I got a late start, and I … damn… no excuse, I just blew it. But, it wasn't Faith's fault, ok? It was me… ummmph" Buffy is cut off when Willow runs at her, hitting her full force with a huge hug.

" Buffy!" Willow cries out, smiling a huge smile, " Goddess, it's been forever since I've seen you!" She kisses Buffy's cheek, and hugs her tightly, " Boy, I've missed you!"

" Missed you too, Will !" Buffy says, hugging her tightly, but not slayer tightly( she's learned to control that). She breaks the hug, and takes a good look at Willow. " Cute as ever, I see… but boy, look at your clothes. So businessy and power tie friendly. Gosh, I guess all that stuff I've been hearing about "WillNet" is true then. Heard you got a write up in some big business magazine!" Buffy beams at her.

" Not a write up, really. Just a blurb in the " Up and Coming" column, " Willow says, modestly.

"Still, pretty cool, Will. I'm so proud of you! I always knew you'd be like the super duper business woman or something… knew whatever you did, you'd be great at it!"

" Aw, Buff, " Willow smiles, and blushes, pleased at Buffy's praise. Then she remembers. " HEY! I should be so mad at you!" She punches Buffy's arm, " you haven't called me in like… forever! I was worried about you!"

" Boy, can't get anything past you, can I?" Buffy smiles. Her smile slips a little as she continues, "it's been kinda weird for me lately, Will. Hearing about Angel kinda threw me…I've been kinda… out of touch with everybody."

" Oh, Buffy!" Willow turns to her friend and catches her arm, " Goddess, I'm such a dope sometimes. Of course this is hard on you… what was I thinking?" Willow takes Buffy into another hug." Sometimes I swear my mind goes on vacation or something. I'm all scatter-brained"

" Don't be silly, Will," Buffy says, returning the hug, then breaking away," I'm ok. It was over with us a long time ago, you know? I'm just a little out of it, you know? Not to worry, I'm good, really." She puts on a smile for Willow." See? All's good!" She takes Willow's arm, and together they start down the concourse to the baggage carousel.

Willow glances time to time at Buffy, her brow slightly furrowed. She can sense something's not right with Buffy, but she can't put her finger on it. -_Whatever she says, it's got to have something to do with Angel. I know she still loves … loved him… but she's not coming clean on that. Is it more? Something else? Goddess, I wish I could read minds sometimes. It surely would make things easier. Like with Jana. I told her, ' I'm not ready for serious' but she's acting serious… god, I don't know what to do there. I care about her, I really do. I know she cares about me. So, what's my problem? Why don't I … I can't… dammit Faith, what in hell have you done to me? I gave you my heart, and you threw it back at me. How could you do that? Goddess, didn't you get I loved you? Loved? Damn, I wish it were loved. I don't know, this is driving me crazy. Seeing her again. Goddess, how much is this going to hurt? What if she… aw, crap… who cares, anyway? She can't… not and left me like that. God, that excuse… " Oh, I might go bad and hurt you." Well, that's really bogus, Faith. Do you really think, with all your strength, you could even get close to me if I didn't want you to? Shit. C'mon, Willow, she's not the bad guy here. She broke it off so she wouldn't hurt you anymore… how'd she know you'd break your heart all over her because you didn't get it? Can't you try and let the hurt go? Maybe see her side of it? Well, why should I? She HURT me. That hurt. What? Did she really think that breaking it off would just be easy for me? Did she think I was heartless… Goddess, I hate this. I shouldn't have come… What's Buffy saying?-_

"Will? Earth calling Willow. You there?" Buffy looks at her, trying to get her attention." Hey, girl, I need you to identify your bags."

" Sorry, Buffy. Just kinda doing the daydream thing, not here, I guess," Willow laughs, embarrassed." You know me, Buffy. My heads always busy, busy, busy. Sometimes I lose track of where I am. "

"Well, genius girl, we're in the airport getting your luggage, so stay with me, ok?" Buffy looks at her, " You sure you're ok, Will? I know this has gotta be hard… seeing Faith again."

"Oh, let's not let old Poopy-head ruin things for us, Buffy, " Willow smiles brightly at Buffy, hiding her doubts, " I mean, she had the Willow, and gave it away, you know? Maybe it was for the best, anyway. We're so different. Gosh, see? Even when trying to dismiss her, she just kinda plops in the middle of things. This time, it's about you and me, ok?" Willow looks at the carousel, and points at a couple of bags. Buffy lifts them off the carousel, and holds them up, for confirmation. Willow nods. They start to walk towards the Terminal exits.

" I'll tell you Willow, it's been hard not seeing you all the time. I know, we got our lives and things, but I miss being able to just drop in my best bud and talk things over, " Buffy's mood changes, grows wistful," I missed it a lot." For a moment, she seems lost, then she shakes it off, smiling," God, listen to me, getting all nostalgicky. Boy, I didn't think that'd start happening until I was at least 30."

" Buffy, are you sure you're ok?" Willow probes a little. She's feeling a little uneasy about Buffy.

"Will, Will, Will, you're such a worry wart, " Buffy smiles brightly," Guess that's why I love you so much. But honest, I'm great. Yeah, I'm not gonna say Angel's death didn't freak me. It did. But life goes on, Willow. I'm gonna miss him, sure, but hey, we can't live in the past. You know me, live for the now, seize the day… Carpe per Diem, all that stuff. Now, get that frowny face off you, and lets have the gossip, ok? Are you dating? Seeing someone…"

The two women walk out the Airport exit.

* * *

Faith sits in her room, half dressed, by the full length mirror. She seems to be lost for the moment, not exactly sure what she's doing. She looks in the mirror, not entirely recognizing the person staring back at her.

She's back in that night. The night she tortured Wesley, and tried to kill Angel. In the alley, her tears of rage and frustration and sorrow masked by the falling rain. They're fighting , and she's beating on him, yelling at him…

" … I'm evil! Don't you get it? I'm bad, bad… bad…" Faith screams at him, hitting him, trying to anger Angel

" Faith, " Angel says quietly, taking her in his arms, trying to calm her. She collapses, and he lets her down gently.

" God, just kill me… just kill me, " She cries, helpless, confused… all the pain overwhelming her…

She feels the tears stinging her eyes. God, she misses him. She can't believe how much she misses him. He was like a touchstone for her, something she thought she could count on when things got bad. She always expected he would live forever. -_He was supposed to live forever. Isn't that what immortal means? Damn you, Angel, how could you just go and get yourself killed and leave me here? Alone… it's so tough, holding on, being this new person. Did you even see this new person? Did I make you proud of me? Were you proud of me, finally? It isn't fair, Angel. You can't just walk out on me now. I need you, I still need you. Don't you get that? Why'd you go and be stupid.. and brave. Damn you, how can I be mad at you when you were so damned foolishly brave??? I'm scared, Angel. I know, I know I'm supposed to be tough and strong. I'm strong. I am!!! But I'm still scared, don't you get that? You know what's inside me. What I'm fighting here. I want, no I got to be good. I can't… God, it's just there, laughing at me, don't you hear it? Waiting, waiting for me to slip up, let it out. I won't. I promise. Wherever you are, I promise!!! I'm gonna make you proud. I'll show you that you didn't make a mistake. You'll see, I swear to you. You'll see!!!!-_

She looks in the mirror, and sees her face wet and black with running mascara. _Aw crap, now I gotta start over.. again.- Shit, I oughta just have my tear ducts removed. What good does crying do , anyway? Bring someone back? Oh yeah, that so works. How many nights did I cry after…Oh, stop it, Faith. You decided to leave her, not visa versa! You got no right to complain. It's what you wanted, right? What you needed to do? So stop acting like a baby. Be an adult for once, ok? It never would've worked, you know that. You and her, too damned different.-_ Faith stands up, and walks over to the bathroom, to clean her face. She stubs her toe on the little table by the bed, and her temper snaps. She brings her fist down, hard, smashing the table. She stands there, looking at the mess she made. –_Mature, Faith, really mature! Hit your toe, destroy the table. Damn. God, how the hell am I gonna face her tonight? Been hiding out all day, avoiding her. Can't do that tonight. She's going to be there… what'm I gonna do? What do I say? Shit, why can't I just let her go? Why does it have to be like this? And hey, stop blaming HER. You pushed her away, you didn't give her a chance, did you? You said you wanted to protect her, but was it her you wanted to protect? Or was it that you just were too scared? Too scared she'd see what you really are… some fucking demon, and hate you. She would've known, or figured it out. Then she would've been repulsed by you, right? Except, did you even give her a chance? Don't think so, I think you ran… just like you did when you couldn't deal with your feelings for her. You ran, and now she's… Shit! Stop it. I'm so tired of your whining I wanna puke!!!! You made your choice, now live with it! _

She flashes on Angel's apartment in the Hyperion Hotel

" … I don't think I'm gonna make it through the next ten minutes" Faith is visibly shaken by her pain.

" Then, make it through the next five. The next minute."

" I don't think I can"

" Yes you can"

" God, it hurts! I hate that it hurts like this." She moves away, trying to escape what she's feeling

Angel won't let her escape." Oh, well, it's supposed to hurt. All that pain, all that suffering you caused is coming back on you. Feel it! Deal with it… then maybe you can be free."

Faith enters the bathroom, and about 20 minutes, reemerges. Her face is scrubbed clean , she's just wearing base and a light lip color.-_ Don't know if the tears are coming again, but that raccoon look really doesn't help-._ She goes to the closet, and selects a simple black frock. She quickly pulls it on, then goes to the mirror and adjusts and buttons it. She runs a brush through her hair, and ties it back. Finishing off with a pair of low heeled black pumps, she checks herself out in the mirror one final time.- _It'll do. Ok, Faith, it's showtime. This is your party… get it done-._ She turns, and with a determined look on her face, exits the room.

* * *

Willow stands in front of her mirror, doing a final check on herself. Like Faith, she's wearing a simple black frock, no frills. She appears to be staring intently in the mirror, but she's not really seeing herself. She's back in time, several months ago, in Angel's office. Back when she was still trying to get answers to the big question : Why?

" Why didn't you tell me?" Willow's tone is furious. She's pacing in front of Angel's desk, " How could you just throw her into that, and not tell me?"

" You couldn't have helped," Angel says quietly, sitting behind his desk.

"What do you mean, I couldn't have helped?" Willow turns on him, " I'm not the nerd you knew in Sunnydale, Angel. I'm a pretty powerful witch."

" All your power wouldn't do what needed to be done. She had to do this, Willow," Angel rises from his desk, crossing to the window, looking out.

" I could've helped her…" Willow repeats, insistently.

" No, you don't get it. This was her test, Willow. Her final redemption," Angel turns to Willow, " She had to do this, alone. She needed to kill the demon, Willow. Alone. There was no other way. Not to fulfill her destiny."

" Her destiny? You mean as a slayer?" Willow shakes her head, " I still don't see why you couldn't tell me. Even if I couldn't help with magic, I could've supported her, encouraged her…"

" Willow, you're not seeing the whole picture. She had to choose. Without encouragement or enticements. It had to be her choice. Yes, I gave her the mission, and didn't tell her why. I couldn't. She could've backed out at the last second. I had other contingencies in place. But for her to go on, to do what she needs to do, she had to take that step. You knowing would've only complicated things. Because you couldn't have told her you knew, you couldn't let her know why she was doing it. Could you really watch her go through that agony, and not try to ease it?"

Willow just stares angrily at him. She curtly shakes her head. It's clear she doesn't understand.

" I didn't think so, " Angel says. He sees Willow's expression, and sighs, " I know you're made at me. I'm sorry, but that's just the way it had to be."

" She left me. Did you know that?" Willow's voice is low, and artic.

" No, I didn't, " Angel says, genuinely surprised, " I wish she hadn't. You two… you belong together. You're stronger together."

"Well, she obviously doesn't see it your way, Angel. She thinks because of her heritage, she might hurt me… or at least, that's what she's convinced herself to believe."

Angel looks at her bewildered.

" She's using that as an excuse, but I know there's other things going on. Things she's not telling me," Willow turns away, " Damn you, Angel. I don't know who I'm madder at right now. You for not telling me, or her for lying to me…"

"Or yourself, for deserting her?" Angel punctures through her wall.

" That's not fair, Angel !"

" No, it's not fair, and it's not true, but that doesn't mean you don't believe it."

" Shut up, Angel!" Willow says, her voice growing more strident, " I know I didn't desert her. She left me!"

" Yet somewhere in your gut, a little voice is screaming at you, saying you ran out on her, left her when she needed you the most. Isn't that true? Isn't that what you believe?"

" SHUT. UP!" Willow screams at him. She turns back to him, and her eyes have turned black. " It really doesn't matter what I believe, or what she believes, now does it? What happened is you put her there, and now she's suffering, and so am I. So, I'm thinking, you should suffer too!"

" Willow, calm down," Angel says, his voice having the tiniest note of fear, " This isn't going to change things. It won't help."

" Maybe not, Angel, "Willow says, her hair flying as if in the wind, " but it's going to make me feel a whole lot better!"

Willow raises her arms, and her voice.

By Hecate, I invoke thee 

**_Show this unbeliever your power_**

**_Bring down the winds upon him,_**

**_so he might ken your might!_**

Suddenly, it's as if a hurricane is blowing in Angel's office. Things are flying everywhere, and high, piercing alarms go off.

" Oh, great, just great. I'm going to have the goon squad up here, wondering what the hell is going on!" Angel, nearly clobbered by a flying statue, ducks behind his desk.

Willow, in the middle of it, is protected by her spell. She just looks at Angel, cowering behind his desk.

"Well, what can I say, Angel?" She starts to rise, her teleportation spell going into effect, " That's just the way it has to be." She teleports out of the office, leaving Angel to deal with her spell.

Back in the now, Willow smiles a little ruefully in the mirror. That was the last time she saw Angel alive. Once she cooled down, she regretted her little trick, and went back to Wolfram and Hart to apologize to him. But there were strict instructions at the front desk that under no circumstances were they to allow her to come up. She finally got him on the phone, not long before his death, and they made peace. But she regrets that their last meeting ended like that.

So now what, Will? You're here to say goodbye. Is it just to Angel, or is it to Faith, too? You know her destiny, from what Angel told you, and what you learned on your own. You know what she has to do, and can you accept that? Can you be a part of her life? Maybe she doesn't even want you to be part of her life anymore. That little voice, the one Angel so sussed in you, is still nagging you, telling you bolted on her when she needed you to stay. Angel said it wasn't true, but you know, don't you? You know it's true. You didn't believe enough in her, you were so ready to believe she went back to her old ways. Where was your faith in her, when she needed it? She's been avoiding me, and I know why. She's still upset with me. Can you blame her for her rancor?

_Maybe it's time I quit kidding myself, and face the fact that It's really over. Let her go, find some kind of happiness. If what I read is true, she'll need it. And Jana. I can't just let her twist in the wind. I gotta figure out what I feel for her, and if there's more than friendship, it's time I start committing to her. It's not fair to anyone, especially her, to let her hang on._

_This was a dumb idea. I never should've come. IT would've been better all around if I'd just stayed away, no matter what the others think. Me being here is only going to make old wounds hurt again._ Willow sighs, and picks up her purse._ Nothing to be done about it now. Just get through it, and get gone._

Willow, with a sad expression on her face, leaves her room, making her way downstairs.

* * *

Buffy sits on her bed, facing away from the mirror in her room. She isn't looking in the mirror for herself, but within herself.

She lied to Willow. Things aren't fine. She isn't fine. She hasn't been fine for awhile.

Nothing in her life seemed to be 'fine' anymore. Ever since Sunnydale was destroyed, she hasn't been able to find a niche for herself, somewhere she belonged. She had worked to rebuild the council, but what did that mean to her, really? And frankly? It was just Giles trying to keep her included. They didn't need her there, she wasn't doing anything important there. She felt like Giles' PA, nothing more. It wasn't anything Giles did; it was just her own perceptions.

Dawn didn't need her anymore. –_ Oh, she says she needs me, but it's bogus… no, it's charity. She's just trying to keep me feeling needed, but hell, she's in college now; has her friends, her life, her stuff. Doesn't need big sis for anything except to sign the checks. I don't blame her; when I was in college, I didn't _need _mom like before. Not saying like she doesn't love me and all that stuff. She does, I know she does. But, she's got to live her life now, not worry about where sis's mind is. God, did I ever think I'd see the day that I missed Dawn's whining and trying to do my stuff and be part of my circle?_- Buffy sighs heavily.

_-All gone. Everything I thought I had, I thought I was, gone. I always bitched about my life, how I wish I could ' just be normal'. No more monsters, no more apocalypses, no more life as a slayer. Just a normal girl, normal life. Well, here it is … and guess what? I … can't… deal! I don't belong anywhere, I'm not part of anything… it's just all useless, hell… I'm useless.-_ A small, sad smile pulls at her lips.

_I remember when Giles gave me those drugs and I lost my powers. How I felt then… like now, I felt what do I do when my calling is gone? I complained to Angel how shallow I was, what did I have to offer if I weren't THE Slayer?- _Her smile becomes wistful. _– He told me how he saw me, and loved me from the first minute. How he saw my heart, and he wanted to protect me. He didn't exactly come out and say it, but he let me know I was precious to him. I knew at the moment, if I died right then, I'd be happy. Oh, Angel, I miss you so much. Why'd you have to go and die? Was the loneliness so much that you couldn't take it anymore? Did you have so much guilt, that you had to sacrifice your life? Wasn't there another way? Did you have to leave me all alone? You're so stupid! You thought I moved on… but I never moved on. I tried normal guy… Riley. But I never opened up to him, Angel. Not like you. I tried a monster wearing the face of a man… Spike. But that was so twisted, so confused… and in the end, even with a soul… I couldn't love him, not like you. When I told you about Riley, you got all …EEEEE… and said great, fine you moved on… but you couldn't … damn you, couldn't you see the truth? I told you about Riley because the last time we talked, really talked in Sunnydale…you remember… when YOU broke up with me? You said you wanted me to have " a guy who could take me out in the sun …" . You didn't want this " Freak show" anymore. Well… damn you, it was never a freak show to me. Never!!!!!-_

Buffy sits, gripping her hands together tightly, to keep them from trembling. She feels her eyes burning with tears, but she can't, won't, shed them.-_ If I start crying now, I won't stop. I won't leave this room. They find me, huddled in a ball, shaking and crying and going crazy. I gotta hold on, can't let myself feel… not now, not ever.. _-.She closes her eyes tightly, forcing herself to not feel, to calm down, to just hang on. She opens her eyes, and nearly screams. In the mirror, she sees Angel, standing as he always does, hand clasped in front of him. He's looking at her, with a sad expression. He says nothing, does nothing but turn away, and seemingly walk away from her deeper into the mirror, until he disappears. For a moment, she can do nothing but watch. She finally gets up, and walks to the mirror.

" Angel?" She whispers into the mirror, " Angel?"

She feels her knees give out under her, and she slides slowly down to the ground, all the while murmuring "Angel, Angel… Angel." Try as she might, she can't keep the tears back, and she sits, leaning against the mirror, crying softly.

But the tears don't seem to help the pain, the feeling of loss and disconnection she feels. After a brief time, she pulls herself together, but her eyes seem empty, as if nothing is home behind them. She stands up, and walks into the bathroom. When she emerges, her makeup is back in place, she's straightened up, and she looks normal to the casual observer. She is neither frowning nor smiling. Her whole attitude seems to be one of quiet acceptance. It's only the façade she's wearing to keep away the questions, the looks. Inside, she feels broken. She can't show that. She can never show that. She makes one final check in the mirror, and sees a stranger looking back at her. –_Good, real good._-

She leaves the room to go downstairs.

* * *

Faith finds herself moving around the lobby, going from group to group, greeting people. Her sense of irony at the whole situation is running overtime. _– Look at me. Playing hostess to this group of strangers. What's that about? Pretty much not the way I saw my life a year ago. Who are all these people, anyway? I don't know most of them… but they must've known Angel. Kinda funny. Mr. Broody boy, Mr. King of Pain loner… having like what? 100 or more people hanging around, talking about him, memorializing him._ She shakes her head in disbelief. _Hope the big guy is catchin' some of this. Who woulda thunk it?-_

Faith looks around for familiar faces, but mostly sees strangers. She does see Kate Lockley… - _Detective Lockley, that is… who had such a hard on for busting me… and maybe a little bit of a thing on Angel… though who could tell? They acted so weird around each other… hot and cold. Well, she looks almost as friendly as usual… not.-_ Faith walks over to Kate.

" Hello, Kate, it's been… forever."

"Do I know you?" Kate Lockley looks at Faith suspiciously." You look familiar…"

" Yeah, you busted me once… remember? "

" I've arrested a lot of people… so?"

" Yeah, but you threatened jail for Angel because he wouldn't give me up… he said something about you arranging a nice eastern exposure for him…"

Kate looks at Faith intently, trying to puzzle it out. Then as if the sun breaking through the clouds, she knows.

" Faith. Oh, yeah, I remember you." Her expression goes a little sour, " assault anybody lately?"

Faith smiles enigmatically, " I see you're still a bit of a hard-ass, Kate."

" Let's say criminals bring out my cranky side. So, how come you're here, anyway? Thought you'd be in a nice cozy cell, being some Bertha's girlfriend, or something."

" Guess prison didn't agree with me. Got a pardon, Kate. Sorry to disappoint you, knowing how you love putting handcuffs on me… rather kinky, I think."

Kate doesn't get, or doesn't like the joke, " So how come you're here, anyway? Figured you to be not the sentimental type, Faith. More the punch and kill type. Figured you would've blown town by now… not hang around for a memorial."

" Be kinda rude of me, since I'm the one who put this together…"

Kate gives her an ' yeah, tell me another one ' look.

" I owe… owed Angel a lot. When I heard he died, I figured…" Faith trails off, gesturing around.

" Yeah- huh. Right. Not exactly your M.O., Faith. Where'd you get the money for it, anyway?" Kate interrogates, " Prison isn't exactly a high paying profession."

" Don't sweat it, Blondie, " Faith retorts, getting irritated, " it's legal, if that's your worry."

" Not my worry. I'm more worried why they'd let a violent criminal back on the streets, " Kate shakes her head, " Stupid liberal governor."

" Things change, Kate, " Faith says. She stares intently at Kate, who returns the stare. It becomes a contest of wills, with Kate finally looking away." But then you'd know that, wouldn't you? Not exactly the by the book cop anymore, are you?"

Kate starts in surprise.

" I've got my sources too, Kate. You seem to have become the Mulder of the LAPD. Always looking into the weirdo stuff."

" Guess your sources are a little out of date then, Faith. Not with the LAPD anymore," Kate can't hide the bitterness in her voice, " guess they don't want the ' weirdo stuff ' looked into too closely."

"Really? The police, doing cover up? How odd," Faith smirks. " So what're you doing now?"

Kate just looks at her, suspiciously.

"Ashamed, Kate? What, doing the security guard thing?"

" Really none of your business, Faith" Kate looks as if to move away.

" It's really is, especially since you're working for Lehane Security. Since I own it."

Kate's eyes go wide.

" Isn't life just full of surprises, Kate? Like how I got you assigned here tonight, because I knew you needed to come. How I know you hate doing what you're doing, and I have something to offer… something better?"

" Get real, Faith. Me, work for you? That's a laugh. Didn't know you owned the company, or I never would've applied. I guess this is where I quit."

" That's up to you, Kate. Can't stop you, " Faith says, " too bad, though. Could use someone like you. Tough, smart, knows how to handle herself. Someone with good investigative instincts. Someone who's itching to use those talents, especially since no police force will touch her… not with her rep."

"What's the scam, Faith?"

" No scam, Kate. Just something that I think needs to be done. Something to maybe counter the influence Wolfram and Hart has in this town." Faith sees Kate's expression, " What's wrong, something go down wrong?"

" Nothing," Kate mutters.

" So, you're not still pissed because they got you fired, then?"

" How'd you know that?"

" Told you, Kate. I've got my sources." Faith sticks out her hand, " So, stick around after? Find out what's the what?"

Kate looks at Faith's hand like it's diseased. " And if I don't?"

" Then you don't" Faith shrugs, withdrawing her hand, " it's up to you."

Without another word, Faith walks away, leaving a thoughtful and slightly bemused Kate behind.

Faith continues to walk around, meeting some other interesting characters from Angel's past. Nina, the werewolf girl, whom he helped find some kind of normal life with her family.-_ Seems to have a bit of a crush on Angel, too, even now. Fang always did have that effect on women… some women… ok, me too, shit._- David Nabbit, Game software billionaire. Evidently helped Angel finance the Hyperion Hotel for his offices, after W&H blew up their old offices. She chatted a little while with him, finding most of what he said somewhat opaque.- _God, vague it up some more for me, I almost understood that._-

Her interest was piqued by a woman wearing opera length gloves and leather.- _Well, well. Wonder what Angel did for her? A little kinky, Angel.-_ She gives the woman the once over, and walks over to her. As she approaches, the woman turns, giving Faith the once over.

" Who're you?" They both say together. They share a nervous laugh.

" My name's Faith… and yours?"

" Faith… where've I heard that name… oh… you're the one throwing this wake?"

" Not exactly a wake, " Faith corrects, " more a memorial."

"Whatever. Are you that Faith?"

" Yeah… so?"

" Glad to meet you. My names Gwen. Gwen Raiden." Faith notes she doesn't offer her hand in greeting.

_- Where've I heard that name before? – _Faith asks herself

" So how did you know Angel, Gwen?" Faith asks.

" You might say he got in my way." She thinks about it, " Actually, all of them, but mostly him and Gunn."

" Not making much sense there, Gwen. How did they 'get in your way' ?"

"Does it really matter? " Gwen asks," I mean, it's all over now, right?"

" Well, it's just kind of puzzling. Wondering why you'd come to a memorial for someone who got in your way," Faith queries.

" Maybe they helped me, getting in my way… never been really close to anyone. Couldn't be, because of … my talent, I'm guessing you'd call it. Anyway, when I was trying to steal the Axis of Pythia…"

"Electro-girl? That's YOU?" Faith looks at her, finally realizing who she is. Now she understands why Gwen has been avoiding any contact.

" Yeah. Shocking, isn't it?" Gwen jokes a little bitterly. She changes her mood quickly, " Gunn, and Angel, changed my perspective, I guess. Gave me something like a normal life…" she smiles ruefully, "though old habits are hard to break."

" So, it's still working… the LISA device?" Faith asks, remembering what Angel and Gunn told her about it.

" Yeah, " Gwen nods, then holds up her gloved hands, " but I still don't trust it." She changes the subject. " So what's your story, Faith? Why the whole thing?" She gestures around.

" I guess Angel kind of got in my way too," Faith says, " kept me from doing things I guess I didn't really want to do." Faith sees Gwen's questioning look, but waves it off, " too complicated to go into now. I just owed him a lot."

Gwen, sensing Faith's reluctance to go on, starts to move off, " Well, nice meeting you Faith…"

" Actually, if your not busy after, I'd like if you hung around. Want to talk to you."

" I dunno, kinda busy …" Gwen is trying to suss out what Faith wants.

" It could be profitable for you."

" I don't steal anymore…"

" Don't want you to, " Faith says," but it could still be profitable."

" Alright, guess I'm not that busy…" Gwen is intrigued.

Faith smiles enigmatically and departs. Gwen watches her go, feeling a little confused over the whole conversation. –_ Strange girl._- she shrugs, and moves off.

Faith wanders towards a corner, kind of talked out. She knows soon she's going to have to make some kind of address… not exactly her favorite thing, public speaking. She's avoiding more contact, just trying to get herself together for the speech she knows she's going to have to make. She starts to hum to herself; she finds it calms her some.

" I think he'd like that, " a familiar voice floats over to her. Startled, Faith looks up and sees a tall figure leaning next to her. He removes his hat and shades, and a shock of reddish hair, green skin and red eyes are revealed. Faith looks as if she's seen a ghost.

" Lorne?" Faith impulsively hugs him.

" Hey, careful, sweet cheeks, you could crush the Lorne-man with that grip," Lorne smiles, but groans at Faith's strength.

" Is it really you?" Faith asks, " how can it be you? I thought you died in the final battle…"

" I wasn't there, cutie," Lorne says, almost wistfully, " I was taking care of another little errand Angel sent me on."

" Doesn't matter, you're alive, " She hugs him again… then pushes him away, " Hey! You're alive. And you didn't tell me?"

Lorne looks at her, a sad expression on her face. " Sorry baby cakes, but I needed to get away from all this" Lorne gestures around the Hyperion lobby, " I told Angel that… I didn't know he would be … " he trails off.

She smiles at him, " Doesn't matter, you came. That's what's important," She looks around at the crowd, " can you believe the turn out? I mean, Angel was always dark broody and alone guy."

" That was his choice, though. Doesn't mean others didn't notice what he did, " Lorne looks around at the crowd, " also, some curiosity. Not every day a Slayer memorializes a vampire."

" Ex-slayer, " Faith corrects, " and Angel wasn't exactly your typical blood sucker, either."

" True enough, " Lorne agrees. He turns to Faith, " I think he'd be proud of you, kiddo. Fulfilling your destiny."

"Am I?" Faith says, having a moment of doubt, " Am I really? Sometimes, I just don't know." She gets pensive, " I miss him… silly, huh? A Slayer missing a vampire."

" Is that all you miss?" Lorne looks down at her. Faith blushes, realizing Lorne has read more than she wanted him to know.

" That really sucks sometimes, Lorne, that you can do that, " Faith says, not wanting to go there, " Anyway, that's over and gone."

Is it, sweetie?" Lorne asks, " I wouldn't count it out entirely quite yet."

Faith notices he's not looking at her any longer, but rather over her shoulder. She turns, and Willow is standing there, a little ways off, facing her. She isn't ready for this. Her cool deserts her. She turns back to Lorne, but he just smiles and gently pushes her towards Willow.

" I think you two need to talk," Lorne says before he quietly fades into the crowd.

* * *

Buffy stands quietly in the garden outside the hotel, looking in on the crowd of people.

Somehow she feels safer out here. She looks in, watching Faith move around the crowd with a practiced ease she has to envy. She can't remember the last time she's felt comfortable with so many people. Or with people, period.

But it's just one more example of how much things have changed. How much Faith has moved ahead of her, leaving her in the dust. She's off her game, and she doesn't know how to get back. She doesn't feel a part of this, any of this.

_The worst part of it? I'm a fraud.- Memorialize Angel? Hell, I drove him away. Or, he walked away, 5 years ago. How do I recall his life, when I haven't been part of it for so long? Look at all these people. Who are they? They're strangers to me. Yet they all have some kind of connection to Angel. Frankly, what connection do I have? All these people were a part of Angel's life here… 'his town' … as he called it. Even Willow, more a part of this than I am. She fits here. How do I fit here? Do I even fit here?-_

Sighing to herself, she turns to find a bench, to sit down and consider her situation. She runs right into a tall young man, standing almost directly behind her. She's starts… she didn't even sense him there.-_That's weird, I usually sense someone that close._- She backs off a step, looking him over. He's tall, and thin, and has a mop of longish brown hair. He has a smile on his face, but it's his eyes that hold her attention. –_ So intense, almost as if they belong in the head of someone much older. God, they make me feel like he's looking right into me, as if he can read my soul… I don't… only Angel seemed to be able…_ - . She stands confused, not able to understand what's going on.

"Hi, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to crowd you. I just wanted to get a look inside, see what was happening," the young man says, by way of apology.

" Who are you?" Buffy manages to get out. She's still feeling somewhat at sea, the young man's gaze giving her some feeling of uneasiness.-_Why didn't I sense him behind me?_-

" My name's Connor. I'm Angel's son." Connor says simply and directly, his usual style.

Buffy stands in shock, looking at the young man with an open mouth. She feels as if she's been caught between two giant cymbals, and they just crashed together on her head –_Angel's son? But… that's impossible! Angel can't have…_- but she remembers hearing rumors about Angel having a son, rumors only started a couple of months ago. But she just dismissed them, figuring they were just that… rumors. But now, this young man is claiming…-_Wait a minute. No way he could be Angel's son, even if he had a child. He's too old… way too old._

" Excuse me? Angel's son? How's that possible? I knew Angel a few years back, and he didn't have a son then… you're way too old to be his son."

Connor smiles, reciting an explanation he's had to repeat numerous times, " I was only born two years ago, here on earth. But I was raised in a hell dimension… Quortoth. Time passes much faster there, and while I was only gone a few weeks here, 17 years had passed over there." He looks at her, bracing for her reaction. He knows how fantastic it sounds( it's even fantastic still to him, since his memories of Quortoth are now rather vague). He's quite surprised when she nods as if understanding. " You believe me? Most of the time people tend to be … well, skeptical."

" I know a little something of Hell dimensions, " Buffy says, remembering her own brief sojourn in a hell dimension back when she hid under the name of Anne.

" Really?" Connor says, his suspicions aroused, " Who are you, exactly?"

Buffy, still feeling uncomfortable about the whole situation, decides to use her middle name in identifying herself. – _I don't know what he knows about me, but maybe best to not reveal everything just yet_-.

" My name is Anne." Buffy says, quietly.

Connor frowns, " No you're not. I know Anne. She's inside right now."

" I so am Anne, " Buffy says, defensively, " I've been Anne longer than you've been 'Connor' ".

" You're lying…" Connor says, but he's cut off by a voice from the doorway.

" It's ok, Connor. This is Anne… the real Anne, " A woman steps closer. She's thin and blonde, like Buffy. But that's where the resemblance stops. Unlike Buffy, she's tall, standing at least a head taller than the diminutive slayer. Buffy turns, hearing the familiar voice, and smiles in recognition.

" Lilly!" Buffy says, going over and hugging the other blonde woman. The woman, a little startled, still smiles and returns the hug.

" I go by Anne now, Anne. Well, that's weird, " She laughs.

Buffy steps back, and she takes a look at the girl formerly known as Sister Sunshine, Chanterelle , Lilly… and now Anne. Instead of the self –effacing, somewhat spacey girl she knew in L.A. back… oh, goodness, almost 6 years ago, she sees a self confident woman who knows exactly who she is, and what she wants. It's all there in her stance, her smile, her aura of confidence she projects.

"Well, look at you, " Buffy smiles, feeling a genuine warmth and pride. It's almost as if seeing your daughter grow up into someone special. " How are you? It's been so long. What've you been doing with yourself?"

"Later, Anne, we can sit and catch up after the memorial? Aren't you coming in?" Anne asks.

"Wait a minute. Which of you is the real Anne?" Connor asks, growing more confused by the moment.

Both point at the other woman. " She is" they say together, and laugh.

" We both are, I guess, Connor, " Anne, formerly Lilly says, " I met Anne a long time ago, in L.A. She let me take her name… it's a long story. I'll tell you about it sometime." Connor still looks bewildered.

" Maybe we should end the poor guy's confusion. I'm also known as Buffy, " Buffy says, clearing things up a little.

Connor looks at her intently. " Buffy? Dad's Buffy?" Connor asks in disbelief. " Is that you?"

" Guilty, " Buffy replies. She braces herself for his reaction.-_ I have no idea what Angel said to Connor about me._-

She's quite unprepared for Connor's reaction. In a blink, he's moved to her and hugging her, quite tightly. He pulls back, and holds her at arm's length.

" I've wanted to meet you for a long time, " Connor exclaims, " Cordelia told me all about you and Dad."

" Ummm… don't believe EVERYTHING Cordelia told you, " Buffy says. –_Oh, great. He probably wants to kill me now. So, why the hug?_-

" No, nothing bad… well, not really. Mostly though, just how you and Dad were very close. I was hoping…" Connor trails off, his natural reserve and shyness kicking in.

" What, Connor?"

" I was hoping you could tell me about him. I … I never got to know him real well."

" I'm sure there're others that can tell you about Angel, " Buffy feels inadequate on the Angel knowledge score.

" Not like you," Connor says, quietly, " Cordy told me you and Angel… well, you knew him better than anybody."

" I'll tell you whatever I can, Connor," Buffy says, noting the hint of desperation in his voice. She's come to accept the strange fact that this young man standing in front of her is indeed Angel's son. –_ It's so weird… he's Dawnie's age.-_ Thinking about Dawn, Buffy smiles. –_ I guess no weirder than me getting a sister all of a sudden._- " Maybe we should go in now… I'm sure things will be starting soon."

Connor, flanked by Buffy and Anne, heads towards the Lobby door.

" You know, I expected you to be a lot taller, " He says, turning to Buffy as they reach the doors.

Buffy just sighs and shakes her head. –_ Why does everybody expect me to be some kind of Amazon, anyway?-_

The three enter the lobby together.

* * *

Willow stands quietly watching as Faith talks to Lorne.

She's actually been watching Faith all evening. Even though she's been hiding out from Faith since she arrived, Willow is curious about her, how she's been doing. –_Even if she doesn't want me anymore, doesn't mean I've stopped caring about her._- She came down early, hoping to avoid Faith on the stairs, looking for a nice corner to blend into until the service began. She contemplated the garden, but saw Buffy standing out there. Her body language and expression screamed out " I want to be alone right now" , so Willow stayed in the lobby. Besides, despite whatever Buffy had said at the airport, Willow felt something was bothering Buffy. She wanted to know about that also, but felt Buffy didn't want to talk about it.- _Just have to wait 'til she's ready to talk about it, I guess. Goddess, what is it about slayers and expressing their feelings, anyway?._-

Willow watched Faith make her entrance as the lobby was filling up with people. She saw her hesitate for a second, then she started going around, talking to various groupings. Surreptitiously, keeping out of Faith's line of sight, Willow followed her around, watching her deal with the crowd. What she saw surprised her; this wasn't the Faith she knew. This woman had poise, she was confident, and talked easily to people. –_ Goddess, what happened to her? She seems so… together. What happened to her? When did this happen? Where was this girl when we were together?… was it me? Did I make her… crazy? No, that… she was already… but … oh, crap… what if it was me? What if I was the one making her so… but…_ Willow shook her head. She just followed her, growing more and more amazed. Then she saw Faith moving to a corner, seeming to want to fade out for a bit… and then Lorne seemed to appear from no where… and they started talking…

Willow comes out of her reverie to realize that Lorne is looking straight at her. So is Faith.- _Oh, goddess, how long have I been standing there like an idiot, probably drooling on myself?-_ Willow chides herself, straightening up and returning Faith's gaze.

They're eyes lock, and for a brief time the world drops away for the two of them; only they seem to exist. The old needs, longings and desires seem to readily come to the surface, overwhelming both women. Yet the fears, the hurt both felt, the tears both cried, are there too, keeping them at a distance. It's as if both are shackled to the spot, both straining to move closer, but unable to free themselves.

Willow seems to break the spell first, moving towards Faith slowly. She sees the emotions playing havoc in Faith, love, desire, need, and a small element of fear.-_ Is she afraid of me? Does she think I would hurt her? Goddess, what's happened to us?-_ Willow struggles to keep her own emotions in check, attempting to adopt a friendly, non-threatening casual attitude. She's only partly successful.

" Hey, Faith, " Willow says calmly, but there's a hint of strain in her voice.

" Hey, " Faith returns, feeling all of 6 years old, naked and exposed. Her instincts are screaming at her to run, run now, before she sees you as you really are. But Faith holds steady, pushing down her fears, trying to keep a semblance of the cool poise she's developed over the last year.

" You're looking good, " Willow says, honestly.-_ Downright edible, I'd say. WILLOW, god, get it in control, girl.-_

"So are you, Red, " Faith says, her own heart hammering in her chest.­ She catches a whiff of Willow's scent, and feels a little intoxicated. – _God, I'm hopeless. I can't even stand close to her without wanting to… keep it cool, Faith. Just keep it cool. Damned raging hormones._

" How are things with you, Faith? I hear you've quite become the business woman. I think I read about you in Business week last month."

" That was nothing, trust me. It was a puff piece for the company. If Bobo the cymbal playing chimp had been there, they would've interviewed him. Nothing." Faith trails off. She looks at Willow and starts to say something, the switches at the last second, " So, I hear you've got your own business now? A networking company?"

" Yeah, we do networking security. No big," Willow dares to traverse the personal, asking, " So, are you seeing anyone?"

" No. Been too busy, trying to learn the ropes, I guess, to date or anything," Faith says, not saying she had no desire to see anyone else. Not now, not ever. She tries to brace herself. " You? You seeing anyone?"

The question hangs in the air for the briefest second, Willow trying to decide how to respond.

" Yeah, " She answers, deciding on the truth, " I'm seeing someone. Kinda. It's not serious or anything…"

"Well.. that's… that's great Red, " Faith smiles, a little too broadly, " that's … really great." She reaches out and pats Willow's shoulder, in a friendly way." It's good that you're … uhhh.. getting out there, you know? I'm really happy for you, you know that, right?"

" Look, Faith… I…" Willow starts, but Faith interrupts her.

" No, it's really cool, Red. I just…" Faith looks around, a little desperately, " I just… well, you know, I just better get this thing started before everybody gets restless. You know how people are, " She smiles, " Hey, do me a favor? If you're not in a big hurry to leave, I mean… ummm… I've … I need to talk to you about something… so if you could stick around?"

" Yeah, sure Faith, I'll stay, " Willow feels puzzled.

" Good, real good. Well, I better go… it's been great talking to you again, Red. I'll see you after…" Faith turns and almost seems to trip over herself trying to get away. She heads towards the speaker's platform set up in the middle of the lobby.

Willow watches her go, feeling all of 1" tall. ­–_ Damn, stupid. Stupid, stupid and stupid. That so totally sucked.-_

Faith, moving towards the center of the lobby, is scolding herself. - _Well, could you be any more stupid, Faith? That totally sucked!-_

_

* * *

_

Faith is climbing the steps to the little speaker's platform she had set up in the middle of the lobby. She's still trying to figure out what she wants to say when she hears the doors to the lobby slam open. Startled, she looks over and sees a group of figures enter, led by a woman in a long, dark burgundy dress.

" Look, my lovelies. A celebration for Daddy. How sweet. Daddy did so love parties. Cakes and games, cakes and games. I'm so thrilled!" Drusilla claps her hands excitedly, " And, oh, look at all the pretty blossoms… all red and white and gold. So pretty. Now my dears," She says, grabbing one of the figures and pulling him to her, " You be careful, when you're snacking on all the delicious treats, that you don't go spilling on the lovely flowers!"

Faith is immediately alert. She looks for Buffy, and sees her moving off towards the side door.-_Good, get the civilians out.­-_ She also sees Willow breaking off from the crowd, moving towards Faith. She turns around to confront Drusilla.

" Well, looky who's here. Drusilla. Funny, I don't remember adding you to the guest list." Faith says, looking across to the dark haired vampire.

" Did you think you could have a party for Daddy without me showing up, dear? Tsk, tsk, tsk." Drusilla wags her finger at Faith.

Meanwhile, Buffy, along with some of the other guests, is attempting to herd the main body of guests out the side door. They're stopped by a contingent of vampires.

" Now, now, don't be leaving the party before refreshments are served, " She scolds the crowd, " After all, that's just rude."

" So, Dru, how's that insanity thing working out for you? Still have the creepy crawlers slithering through your brains? I mean, you'd have to be crazy if you think you could take us with that group of vamps, " Fait mocks her.

" Oh, no, dearie. These are just my favorite children," Drusilla moves, allowing a large contingent of vampires to pour into the lobby. " These are my other babies." Drusilla smiles her slightly out of focus smile at Faith. She turns to her companions, " Well, what are you waiting for? Daddy's party has begun." She waves her coterie on, and the vampires begin to move in for the attack.

Willow, in the meantime, has been chanting a barrier spell. She reaches the final phrase, and the vampires run into a solid wall. Buffy, getting her cue, starts attacking the contingent of vampires blocking the garden exit. Clearing them, she starts to herd the guests out of the building. Drusilla turns to Faith.

"What good is that? My babies will just eat them as they're leaving. Inside, outside, it's all the same to me" She smiles.

" Oh, now I'm being a rude hostess, " Faith returns, " I forgot to introduce you to my girls" The lobby is mostly cleared out. Faith raises an air horn, and triggers it. A group of women appear at the top of the stairs. " You see, Dru, I figured you might decide to show up. I didn't want it to get dull for you, so I invited some of my friends. Girls?" Faith calls out, and the women start to descend the staircase to the lobby. About 2 dozen strong, a contingent of six break off and head for the garden. The lobby is pretty much cleared except for the vampires and the women. Also present is Gwen and Kate. They're assisting Buffy move the guests out of the hotel.

"What's this? A group of little girls to go up against us? Are YOU insane, dear?" Drusilla laughs.

Faith just smiles. " About got that barrier down, Willow?" Willow nods, and suddenly the barrier drops. The vampires move in for the slaughter. Faith continues. " Times change, Drusilla. Not just 'girls', they're my warriors. My slayers." The women move in time, pulling out weapons, and start attacking the vampires. Faith jumps off the platform, and joins the fight.

Outside in the garden, the slayers that joined up with Buffy are attacking the vampires that were stationed there to keep the crowd in. They punch a hole in the line of the vampires, and start to move the crowd out of the garden, into the street, and to safety. Though outnumbered 3 to 1, their training shows, and soon the vampires start to either fall or run away. Buffy addresses the slayers.

" Ok, you guys, go and escort the guest out to their cars, and see them safely off. I think the memorial is over for now. I'm going back in to help out in the lobby." The leader of the squad, a tall redhead, nods, and leads her slayers out to escort the civilians. Buffy runs back into the lobby.

Inside, the lobby has become a war zone. Drusilla has brought a small army of vampires, and the slayers are engaged in a tight battle. Willow is creating fireballs, incinerating vampires right and left. The slayers have grouped in pairs, back to back, working in co-ordination to take out the vampire horde. Gwen, using her power, stuns the vampires, making taking them out easier. Kate, carrying a crossbow, is firing and dusting vampires.

Drusilla, off to the side, is directing her vamps. She notices Faith is alone, and beelines for her, wanting to kill her personally. She brings her select group of vampires with her.

" Faith, watch out!" Buffy calls, seeing Drusilla and her group moving towards Faith. Faith turns, and is surrounded by Drusilla's 'boys'. Four of them hold a struggling Faith, as Drusilla comes up to mock her.

" So, dearie, we're not so cocky now, are we?" Drusilla purrs, as an angry Faith struggles against her captors. Faith looks up at her, and spits on Drusilla. Drusilla wipes her face, and backhands Faith. " Rrrr - ruff. Bad girl!" Drusilla starts to weave back and forth, trying to get Faith's attention. " Look at me, luv. Look at my eyes… be in me" Faith struggles some more, but slowly her struggles lessen , then cease. " That's it, dear. Look at me. Shhh… it's ok, it's ok…"

" I don't think so, bitch," A fist slams into Drusilla's face. She's knocked off her feet. Buffy is standing there, smiling. The spell broken, Faith breaks free of her attackers, and starts to dust them. Buffy stakes one, and then turns towards Drusilla.

Drusilla is back on her feet, and shaking with anger and frustration. " ooooo… you! You ruined my perfect boy for me, you ruined my Daddy for me…." Losing control, she launches herself at Buffy, attacking Buffy head on.

Buffy sidesteps her, then uses her own momentum to slam her into the ground. Buffy is on her in a heartbeat, but Drusilla manages to buck her off, and gets back on her feet. Buffy flips mid air, landing squarely on her feet, facing Dru. Drusilla advances on her.

" It's your fault, you know," Drusilla screams at her, " If not for you, they wouldn't be gone. You… you messed with them, weakened them… and now they're gone. You killed them!" Again, Drusilla lunges at her, claws out.

Buffy, already feeling guilt over the death of Angel and Spike, snaps. Her rage boils over, and she grabs Drusilla, slamming her hard into the ground, head first. Jumping on her back, she starts beating Drusilla about the face and head.

" Not my fault, it's NOT MY FAULT," She screams at the weakened, stunned vampire. Losing control, she starts to beat her head to a bloody pulp, ignoring everything around her. " NOT MY FAULT!"

" Buffy! BUFFY! " Faith yells at her, having taken care of the other vamps holding her." Stop… just stake her and move on… we need help!"

Buffy ignores her, whaling hard on the unconscious vampire, still screaming " NOT ME. NOT MY FAULT. IT'S NOT MY FAULT!" She's out of control, slamming her fists into Drusilla.

Faith, out of patience, runs over to Buffy and hauls her off of Drusilla, throwing her to the side. Faith raises her stake over the now near-dead vampire and finishes it.

"Noooooooo! She was MINE!" Buffy screams, doing a body slam into Faith. " SHE WAS MINE!"

Faith is nearly knocked off her feet, but recovers herself and grabs Buffy. She slaps her across the face.

" I don't have time for this, B. I need you fighting. We're not done yet, " Faith points at the battle still going on, "If you want to fight, fight them. Take your crap out on them." She throws Buffy back, and moves to join the other slayers. Buffy, red faced, but sober again, runs to join her.

Slowly, the tide of the battle turns. The vampires, their leader gone, lose heart. Still they attack, having the superior numbers. But the squad of slayers sent to escort the guests joins the battle , attacking them from the rear. The vampires, outflanked, their numbers dwindling, seeing the writing on the wall, break and run. Some make it; most are surrounded and dusted by the slayers. Soon the battle is over, and the slayers, exhausted from battle, some of them wounded, sit where they stand, trying to catch their breath.

Faith makes the rounds, checking on her 'girls'. Seeing a few have serious wounds, she heads in towards the lobby to call an ambulance.

The lobby is beyond a mess. Most of the furniture is broken. Some of the windows have been smashed, and glass seems to be everywhere. Some of the potted plants have been overturned and broken, dirt scattered all over the floor.

Gwen is sprawled on one of the remaining undamaged couches, a silly grin on her face. " That was cool" she utters, to no one in particular.

Kate is leaning over the reception desk, her expression grim but satisfied. She has a cut on her forehead, and some bruises are appearing on her face. She nods acknowledgement when she sees Faith enter.

Willow is next to her, sitting on the floor, leaning against the reception desk. Her eyes are closed, and she seems asleep. Her hands are held out away from her, and are still crackling from mystic energy.

" Is everybody ok in here? Anyone hurt?"

" I'm good, " Kate answers, stoically. Faith walks over and checks her out.

" I want you to get checked out when the ambulance arrives," Faith says, seeing her cuts and bruising.

" I'm good, I told you, " Kate responds. Faith just stares at her. " Ok, ok, I'll get checked. Crap, don't make a deal about it."

" That was so… fine" Gwen pipes up from the couch.

" You ok?" Faith asks.

" I'm great!" Gwen replies, laughing.

Faith shakes her head.- _God, she's nuts, too. Great, just great. I need another nutcase onboard.-_

" How 'bout you, Red? You ok?" Faith asks, making her way behind the desk. She picks up the phone, and dials.

Willow doesn't answer, she just sits quietly, leaning against the desk. Faith finishes her call, and looks over the desk, worried.

" Hey, Red… are you ok?" She asks, concern plain in her voice.

Willow opens her eyes… they are black. She speaks, but her voice is an octave lower than normal, and distorted.

" I'm ok, Faith. But I need to meditate. Please, just be quiet." Willow closes her eyes again.

-_ Aw, crap, I pissed her off… again. I can't win with her. Why do I even try? _-

Faith moves back out into the front, checking on the girls again, and waiting for the ambulance. Something nags at her… she's forgotten something. She looks around, but can't see anything out of place. But she knows she's forgotten something…

Or someone.

_- Buffy! Where the hell is Buffy? -_

She looks around, but there's no sign of the blonde slayer.

" Hey, has anyone seen Buffy?" Faith calls out.

" Is that the short little blonde ?" Jane, the tall redhead asks.

" Yeah… that's her."

" She took off right after the fight ended. She was with some kid. Thought they might be chasing some of the vamps."

Faith feels her fists balling up, and she sighs heavily.

" Kid? Kinda tall, longish brown hair, attitude?"

" Yeah, that's him. Who is he?"

" Connor… Angel's son" Faith replies. She shakes her head. –_ Swell. Put one pissed off slayer with a kid with a vampire's strength and attitude, and what do you get? Disaster!-_

­- _Great. Just fucking great! –_

_

* * *

_

To be continued.


	17. Part 17

Independence

By Norwalker

Part 17 of

Summary: What did Willow and Faith discuss in that little car trip from L.A. to Sunnydale in season 7? And what were the consequences? A Willow/ Faith story

Rating: R, Very R

Category: romance/drama/angst

Spoilers: Possible season 7 spoilers. Possible season 4 Angel spoilers. C'mon, you must have seen 'em by now!

Time Line: Mid season 7(after the return of Faith) and beyond

Disclaimer: Joss Whedon , Mutant Enemy and Fox own them.

Warnings: Adult themes, violence, sexual situations between members of the same gender. Please be aware, character death is always a distinct possibility. It can happen here, so don't say I didn't warn you!!! Any racist remarks are spoken by the characters, and are in no way shared by the author. This story is not meant for children.

* * *

They're running down an alley, Connor in the lead. It seems like they'd been running for hours, but Buffy knows it hasn't been that long. She felt the sweat on her brow; it was a humid night. Connor doesn't even seem to notice it. ­–_God, doesn't he ever tire?_- Buffy wonders to herself.-_ You're just getting old, grandma. C'mon, move it._

" Do you see them?" Buffy calls out to Connor. She's been following him since he came to her back at the hotel. He said he'd seen where some of the vamps had gone, did she want to come along. She was still in a mood to kill; still smarting from Faith's reprimand. She followed eagerly.

But she hasn't seen any vampires, and they keep twisting and turning in alleys.- _Where are they? Should've seen something by now.­-_ But all she saw was Connor, running ahead, seeming to be following some internal instinct or invisible guide all his own.

" They went this way, "Connor calls back, still running.

" Where? I don't see them…" Buffy is beginning to think this is a wild goose chase.

" I can hear them, " Connor says, " They're up ahead, I know they are. " He puts on a burst of speed, and Buffy does her best to keep up. He rounds a corner up ahead, and for a second Buffy loses sight of him. She comes around the corner, and he's standing there, looking at a brick wall blocking the way. They've reached a dead end.

" Well, I'm pretty sure they're not here, " Buffy says, sounding sarcastic and a little disappointed. She looks at the wall blocking the alley… too high to jump over." I think they got lost, like us."

" I don't get it, " Connor says, " I heard them come this way. I can still hear them."

" Well, unless they can turn into bats like in the movies…" Buffy looks around, and then sees it. Using gestures, she points to a window fronting the alley, on the second floor. It's broken out. It's accessible by an old rusted out fire escape. Putting her finger to her lips, she gestures to Connor to follow her.

Slowly, quietly she climbs the fire escape. Connor follows after her, instinctively placing his steps to keep quiet. They reach the broken window, and hunker down below the sill. Buffy raises her head slowly to look inside.

At first, it's too dark to see inside. As her eyes adjust, she can make out some figures in the light coming through the windows in front. Gripping Connor's hand to get his attention, she indicates she's going in, and he should follow. She slip through the broken pane, and drops quietly to the floor.

"Where are they?" Connors whispers into her ear, nearly causing her to have a heart attack. She didn't even hear him come in. She turns and puts her finger to his lips, then points with her other hand. She waves that he should go left, and she'll go right. They start toward where the silhouettes of the figures are bunched.

When they've made it halfway across, a dim light appears by where the group is gathered. Buffy stops, trying to figure out the situation. –_They're all bunched up. That's weird… shit, they must be feeding. Nothing crankier than a hungry vamp interrupted at the dinner bell._- Buffy glances around, and sees Connor off to the side, standing and watching. –_ Why's he standing there? Is he waiting for an engraved invite?-_ Buffy's seen enough. She pulls out a stake –_ don't leave home without it_- and starts to charge the vampires.

" Hey, fangoria, hate to break up the little party. No, wait, you broke up mine. Not hating it" Buffy rushes in, ready to kill, smash, and generally dish some mayhem.

" No, Buffy, wait!" Connor calls out, but it's too late. Buffy lays into the first figure, hitting it with a punch… and it falls over, and just lays there. Buffy stops, puzzled… especially since the other figures don't react… except the one on the floor, which leaps to his feet.

At that moment, the lights come up in the warehouse, and a security guard has a gun pointed at Buffy…

Buffy looks, and sees she's kicked… a mannequin. It's lying over on its side. It's fall knocked over a couple of other mannequins, the rest are surrounding them, formed into various poses. –_ Dummies? I'm fighting DUMMIES?- _She looks over to where Connor is standing, looking a little sheepish. The 'victim' is a homeless guy. His 'stuff' is lying on the floor by the dummies; obviously he nests here to get out of the night.

" What the hell is going on in here?" the security guard, holding the gun on Buffy, looks nervous." Christ, lady, what're you doing, anyway?"

" The woman's nuts. I was just lying here, minding my own business, and she goes all psycho and starts kicking the dummies," the homeless guy, looking scared, plasters himself against the wall.

" Hey, you're not supposed to be in here…" the guard briefly turns to the homeless man, and that gives Buffy her opening. Before he can react, she twirls and around and kicks him, knocking him to the ground. She punches him, knocking him unconscious. His gun goes flying off along the wall.

" Buffy?" Connor says, moving a little closer, "Well, you decked him pretty good."

" Connor" Buffy isn't looking at him, but at the homeless guy cowering against the wall. " What the hell's going on?"

" My names not Connor… it's Beau, " The homeless guy says, trembling, " please, don't hurt me, ok?"

" Not talking to you," Buffy says, and turns to Connor. " I thought you said there were vamps in here."

" I saw them come in here… I think. I heard them, I swear I did!"

" Well, I killed some mannequins. I think the world's safe now, " Buffy says, grinning ruefully. She hears the guard groan. " Shoot, we gotta get outta here before he wakes up."

" What about him?" Connor says, nodding towards the homeless guy, " He could identify us."

Buffy looks intently at the homeless guy, who sidles away from her. " I didn't see nothing… honest. I don't know nothing…"

" Leave him, lets get outta here," Buffy says, as the guard begins to stir. She grabs Connor's arm, and runs towards the window they popped in through.

" Hold it! Stop" the guard yells out, " Stop or I'll… shoot, where's my gun? Dammit it, where's my gun?" He gets up, trying to find his missing gun.

Buffy and Connor crash through the window, overshooting the fire escape and landing on their feet in the alley.

" You ok?" Connor asks, going to Buffy, who's still kneeling on the ground where she landed.

" Yeah, Fine, I'm peachy, " She says, sarcastically. " Lets went, already." She takes off down the way they came, Connor following close behind. They wind down the maze of alleys they came through to get where they were, and finally make it back to the street. Buffy exits the alley first, and leans against a building. Connor follows, and stands watching her.

" What happened to the vampires, Connor?" Buffy says, panting a little.

" I don't know. I followed them, but when we came to the dead end, I didn't see them. I thought I heard them…"

" Connor, don't lie to me," Buffy says, firmly.

" I'm not lying … I saw some vampires getting away, and I came for you, and we…"

" Really? Why'm I having such a hard time believing that? I never saw any vamps, or sensed any vamps… I just followed you, because I …"

"What?"

" Never mind, " Buffy says, covering, " look, there never were any vamps, was there?"

" There were vampires. I saw them. I'm sorry you didn't, but then you don't have …."

" I don't have what?" Buffy stares at him

" I'm … my parents were vampires. I have some of their … abilities"

" Connor, I'm the… a slayer. I can sense vampires, even when I can't see them. There weren't any vamps."

"Uh-huh… that's why you attacked those mannequins then? Because they were evil? I mean if you can sense vampires, why…"

" Not the point, Connor. Why'd you lead me on a wild goose chase for some vampires that … weren't?"

Connor just stares at her, stubbornly refusing to acknowledge he might be wrong. She sighs, and straightens up.

" Why don't you just go home, Connor?" Buffy starts to walk towards the Hyperion, " it's been a long night, weird night. Everybody's kinda off." She starts to walk away.

" Why?" Connor asks suddenly. Buffy stops.

" Why?" She asks, really not understanding what he is asking.

" Why do you love him? Dad … Angel?"

" Loved, Connor. I loved Angel. We haven't been together… in a long time."

" Love. I can see it written all over your face. Whatever you felt… well, you're feeling now."

" My feelings are personal, Connor, and not really explainable."

" It doesn't make sense, though. You're the slayer. He was a vampire. You were supposed to kill him, not love him."

" Look, Connor, when I met him, I didn't know he was a vampire. I fell for him, before I knew it. When I found out, I was … freaked, believe me, " Buffy looks thoughtful," whatever I'm feeling now about Angel? It's because of all we've been through. Angel wasn't just a vampire, you know that, Connor. He had a soul. He was different."

Connor looks as if he's decided something. " Buffy, I want to show you something, ok?"

"I dunno, Connor. It's been a long night. I just want to …"

"Please, it's important."

"Connor, "Buffy starts, but sees the look on his face," Alright. I must be nuts, but alright."

Connor, smiling, takes her hand, and leads her off.

* * *

Faith enters the lobby of the Hyperion with a frown, slumped shoulders and a feeling of frustration. Looking at the wrecked lobby only added to her sense of dark humor

-_ So, my little get together went boom. How typical, don't ya think? B running off, with Connor, just making things so much sparklier? Bonus!_

She surveys the wreckage with an accepting sigh, then finds a place not too damaged to sit and contemplate what to do now.

-_ I suppose I should go out and look for them some more, but it seems kinda pointless. Wherever they've gotten to, it's not where I'm thinking. Shit. I can only hope they don't get thrown in jail or hurt themselves, or somebody else. I guess I should've kept a closer eye on B after she went postal on Dru, but with the fight and all… crap. Now she's got Connor with her, and that could be… interesting? _Faith looks around at the lobby again, and the irony hits her. _– Gee, aren't I supposed to be the wild one? And B, the mature one? There's a hoot for ya._

Faith doesn't realize she isn't exactly alone in the lobby. Well, that is, if you count the stairs. For at the head of the stairs stands Willow, looking down at her. On her face is one worried expression. She's heard Buffy has run off with Connor, somewhere, and that's one worry. Then she heard Faith was going out to find them, and that was a whole new set of worries. She's been back and forth checking out the lobby, hoping Buffy or Faith or someone would show up. That things would work out ok, and no one would be hurt… or worse.

She watches as Faith sits down. Faith looks a little lost, and Willow's heart goes out to her.- _Poor baby, she look so sad… like her last friend just spit in her face.-_ Willow starts down to comfort her, but hesitates. –_ Maybe not wanting my comfort.-_ She's just decided to go down, anyway, when someone emerges from the office. Kira. She watches as the Kira walks over to Faith, wondering what exactly she's doing up so late.-_ I wonder if there's more to their relationship than employer, employee? Or just friends, even?-_

" Hey, Faith, not looking too good, huh?" Kira looks around at the damage, with a practiced eye at what it's going to cost to get repaired.

" Yeah, looks like my big idea went poof again… nothing new, huh?" Faith says, self deprecatingly.

" Hey, don't be so hard on yourself, Faith," Kira says, coming over and putting her hands on Faith's shoulders, " wasn't your fault that the vampire brigade showed up and crashed the party."

"Yeah, well, I should've planned it better. Had my girls outside, keeping the bloodsuckers out of the place. Sometimes I swear I'm an idiot."

" Hey, stop that. You're not an idiot. It was going great, even though there were a lot more people here than expected. No one can think of everything. It's cool."

" Yeah, but look at the place. It was supposed to be ready tomorrow morning. Now it's trashed. Don't have a clue what it's going to cost to get it fixed back on time, or close to time." Faith says, a little unhappily. " made a promise, now I'm gonna have to break it."

" Naw, not really. I already contacted some people. Not going to be cheap, but I can get some guys to fix this up in the morning. No sweat."

Faith gets up, " I better get back out there. Buffy and Connor are on the loose, getting up to who knows what. I better find them before they do too much damage." She starts to walk away, but Kira grabs her arm to stop her.

" Faith, let them go. Buffy's an adult, " Kira says, and then sees Faith's expression, " well, chronologically, at least. And Connor's 18. Buffy might be a little off, but I don't think she'll let him get hurt, or anything serious. Let 'em blow off some steam, girl. They're both kinda wound tight. I mean, they both had a special relationship with Angel, too. This must've been kind hard for them."

" I know that. That's why I gotta find them. You've got two people out grieving over a loss. No big until you consider how strong they are, and what damage they can do. I…"

" Faith. When did you become Buffy's keeper?"

Faith gives Kira a look.

" You're acting like you are responsible for Buffy and what she does. Same with Connor. When did you get to be mother hen, anyway?"

"So not being a mother hen. I don't want to deal with the crap they'll pull, is all. And Connor? Ok, 18, but he still has his adoptive parents. What're they gonna do if he gets into trouble? They weren't so happy to have him coming to the memorial, anyway. They figure we're a bad influence. If he winds up in trouble, well, duh, what're you thinking they're gonna do? Throw roses at us?"

" You know Faith, you're a really terrible liar. We should play poker sometime, I can use the money." Kira grins.

" What're you babbling? I'm not wanting any legal trouble because of a hormonal teenage boy and a looney tunes slayer, is all."

" Uh-huh. Like you don't know I already got it covered, and that I've already put a couple of the girls from the squad… ones not hurt, out looking for them. Don't sweat it , Faith. It's handled, " Kira says, with her usual clipped tone," except, of course, you're gonna sweat it. That's you. You can't fool me Faith."

Faith looks askance at her.

" Oh, c'mon, Faith. Not dumb here, thought you'd get that by now. You're not worried about Buffy or Connor because of what they might do, but because of what might happen to them. Knowing how you feel about Angel, I can understand Connor. He's a kid, lost his father, going through a rough time, even IF he doesn't show it. Not getting the Buffy angle, however."

" It's complicated…" Faith, admitting her true feelings in the bargain.

" Yeah, when is something concerning you not?" Kira smiles. She grabs Faith's arm and tugs on it, " c'mon. There's really nothing you can do that isn't being done, you know? I don't need something else to worry about. Buy you a drink… looks like you could use it."

" I guess you're right, " Faith says, hating to admit defeat, " I guess there's nothing more I can do right now. Dammit, I hate this. Why does she have to … " she trails off, feeling the anger build in her. The anger she doesn't need and doesn't really want. She's not really angry at Buffy. She knows she's been going through a hard time. She wants to help…if she could figure out what's bugging her. She sees a lot of what she felt not so long ago in Buffy, and she knows where that can go. She's worried about Connor too. But she also knows that he'll be ok. She has a lot more confidence that Connor is going to straighten himself out. –_ His parents aren't gonna let him stray too far._- What worries her most about him is whether his adoptive folks are going to let him be a part of what's going to come. –_ No real choice there. He's part of the prophecy. But they could make it difficult for him. This isn't going to help.-_ Faith wonders, somewhat ironically, why she became the responsible one all of a sudden.

" Faith, you ok? Looking a bit lost there, " Kira pokes her arm.

" Yeah, fine. Look, think I'm gonna skip the drink…"

" My god, is the world going to end tomorrow? Faith Delano Lehane, skipping a drink? God, what next?"

Faith gives her a poke back. Kira makes a little yelp, and rubs her arm.

" You're loving this, aren't you?," Faith grins despite herself, " I'm just feeling a little tired. Think I'll try to get some rest."

" Yeah, that's probably a good idea… hate to have to carry you back here, half drunk."

" Don't push it, Kira."

" I'll let you know if I hear anything, ok?" Kira starts to walk to the office, then turns back to Faith, who's heading towards the stairs. " Hey"

" What?" Faith turns around, maybe a little irritated. Not sure if she wants any more of Kira's humor tonight.

" You gotta stop trying to carry the world on your shoulders, girl, " Kira says, her tone soft but full of empathy, " You gotta remember that others like you, and care about you, and want to help."

Faith looks at her a minute, and a smile, a genuine full- face- reach-to-the-eyes smile breaks out on her face. "You're something else, Kiddo. I don't know what I'd do without you." She turns and climbs the stairs.

Willow, eavesdropping on the conversation, quickly retreats back to her room. As she closes the door softly behind her, she feels all sorts of emotions going through her.

-_Well, what'd you expect, Dummy? She obviously moved on with her life. Did you expect her to sit around, mooning for you? Pretty clear that she and Kira got something going. You know it was going to happen, why're you so surprised, anyway? I mean, they work together, thrown together a lot. And I guess Kira is kinda cute, in a too tall model thin drop dead gorgeous kind of way. Who wouldn't like that? Not like you haven't been dating. Why did you expect Faith to become a nun, huh?_-

Willow walks over to the bed, and plops down on it, her otherwise sweet face creased with a frown. She bites her lower lip to keep it from trembling, and pounds her fists on the bed in anger.­-_ So, why does it so hurt to see that, anyway? I mean… shouldn't I be so over her by now? When does it stop hurting so damned much? Why am I so jealous? I hate this, I hate feeling like this!- _Despite that, she feels the tears coming.- _Why can she make me feel so damned bad?_- Cursing herself and Faith, she nevertheless falls over onto her pillow, sobbing in pain.

Willow never wanted to break it off with Faith. That had been Faith's choice. She accepted it, because she didn't have a choice. That doesn't mean it makes it easier for her, and seeing her like this, with somebody else, really tears her up.- _Why wouldn't she trust me? Why didn't she let me try to be there for her. I wanted to be there for her, but she shoved me away? Why? " I don't want to hurt you" Oh yeah, this doesn't hurt. Oh no, I'm dancing through the daffodils with puppies here. Yeah, sure. This is so great. I can't even get on with my life because you won't get out of my heart!!!! Damn you Faith whatever the hell your name is! Don't you know I'm crazy about you? No, you don't. You can't , or you wouldn't do this to me. Would you? Is this some kind of scheme to make me hurt. Well, good one, Faith. I'm hurting. I'm hurting real bad. You turn to some stranger for comfort, but not me. Oh no, not Red. No way. She's Buffy's friend. And we know how evil that is. You don't trust me, you never did. God, I'm so fucking blind. You never loved me, did you? Shit, shit, shit. You were just using me to get to Buffy. Well, it backfired real good, Faith. Because I love you, and … aw, crap. What do you care, anyway? I hope you're happy, Faith. Cuz I'm miserable. I bet your laughing your ass off at me. Damn you to hell! -  
_

In her anger and grief, Willow almost doesn't hear the soft knock at her door. – _Oh, fine, now what? Who the hell wants me at this time of night?-_ Getting up, wiping her face of tears, she goes to her door and opens it.

Faith is standing there, looking a little lost.

" Hey, Willow. I was wondering…"

" What do you want, Faith?" Willow says, harshly. She tries to hide the evidence of her crying.

Faith, however, notices it, and her expression turns to concern.

"What's wrong? You've been crying. Are you ok?" She starts to move into the room, but Willow puts up her hand.

" Stop right there. I haven't been crying, " Willow lies, " anyway, what biz is it of yours? What do you want?"

" Willow…" Faith starts, trying to figure out what's upsetting Willow so much. Again, she tries to come into the room, and again, Willow blocks her.

" I'm kinda tired Faith. So get to it, what do you want?" Willow says, coldly.

"Ok," Faith says, not getting Willow's mood, " Buffy's kinda… lost. I've been looking for her, but I can't find her anywhere…I was hoping maybe…well, you being big in the magicks, maybe you could do a spell or something to find her?"

" Buffy's lost?"

" Yeah, she took out after some vampires… some that attacked us… and she's still gone. Kinda worried. She's been a little… off … afraid she might get into trouble, or something."

" You… Faith… you care about what happens to Buffy? This is new, " Willow says, not able to keep the edge of sarcasm out of her voice.

" Ok, I guess I've got that coming, " Faith says, her hackles rising, " but she is your friend. I thought you'd want to help find her."

Willow stares at her.- _Why don't you get your girlfriend to help?_- " Whatever," Willow sighs, " I got most of what I need for a locator spell. But I need a map of the area. Got one?"

" Yes," Faith is still trying to figure out Willow's mood. " In the office, I think." She doesn't move.

" Today would be good, " Willow says, again sarcasm coloring her voice.

Faith, not understanding why Willow is being so mean, is stung. She turns, and without another word, leaves the room.

Willow watches her leave, hands clenched. Her tears start to flow again, but she bites her lip hard to stop crying.

- _Gotta do this. It's for Buffy. Just remember that. It's for Buffy_.-

* * *

" Here"

Buffy follows Connor into the non-descript alley, and sees him kneeling by a spot. He's touching his fingers to the pavement, and looks up at Buffy, his expression unreadable.

" I don't understand, Connor. Why're we here?" Buffy moves closer to Connor, looking where he's touching. " What's here?"

" This is where I was born, " Connor says, quietly. " At least, that's what Dad told me."

"What?" Buffy looks around at the alley, her face puzzled. " You were born in an alley?"

" It was a rainy night, at least that's what Angel said, " Connor continues, " Fath… Holtz had just attacked Caritas, which is over there" Connor points to a wall close by. You can see that parts of it have been patched, " and Angel and my mother, and the rest, came out this way to escape. But Holtz was already here. My mother was in labor, and Angel laid her down here, to protect her… and me, I guess. She died here, giving me birth." He stares at the spot.

Buffy hunkers down by Connor, putting her hand on his shoulder. " I'm sorry, Connor. I didn't know."

" It doesn't matter, really. I just thought you might want to know, " Connor says, standing up. " My life started here, but it … never was about this. Not really. I didn't know her…" Connor turns away. " I was raised in a hell dimension, you know?"

" I really don't know much about it," Buffy says, regretfully.- Just another part of Angel's life I didn't share.-

" Quortoth," Connor says, " that's why I'm not like… three years old, I guess. Time moves differently in hell dimensions. That's what they tell me, anyway."

" Yeah, I know about that one, " Buffy says, remembering her own trip to a hell dimension. She explains when Connor looks at her with a strange expression, " I was imprisoned in a hell dimension for awhile."

" When I came back here, I was 16 years old. It'd only been a few weeks on this side, " Connor says, " I came back not knowing what to do, what was real. All I knew was that I hated him. Angel. I thought he was to blame for everything. That's what Holtz told me. That Angel had killed his family, and drove us into that dimension, as some kind of torture. I didn't know any better. When I found a way out, I took it… and there I was, confronted with Angel. I tried to kill him, you know."

Buffy didn't know, and made a gesture indicating that.

" I was confused by him. Father… Holtz told me that Angel murdered his family, all of them, and that he was evil. But he didn't act evil. Not towards me, or what I saw him do. I couldn't get a handle on him. While I was trying to figure him out, Holtz died. Was killed. I thought it was Angel that did it. There were two puncture wounds in his neck… looked like a vampire bite to me. I thought Angel killed him, and I took revenge. I cornered Angel on the beach, fought him, and then entombed him in a capsule under the sea. He was there 3 months or so until Wesley found him, and brought him back."

Connor sees Buffy's expression, and flinches.

" I thought he was evil. Like Holtz said. I was punishing him…" he trails off. Buffy remains silent, tight lipped. " I guess you aren't very happy with me right now. There's more."

" Not so sure I'm wanting to hear it, " Buffy says, tightly, " Does it involve you trying to kill Angel?"

" Not really… not directly," Connor says. He as briefly as he can, explains what happened after. About his relationship with the 'returned' Cordelia, how they became lovers, and out of their union came Jasmine. How, before Jasmine was born, Angel gave up his soul, trying to discover what he knew about the Beast, who came and started general havoc in L.A. , which culminated in the loss of the sun. How they imprisoned Angel, and he escaped, and how Faith figured in bringing him back. It was suspected that the Beast was working for a higher power… they just didn't know whom. They found out.

Jasmine was born, fully grown, from Cordelia. She instantly had everyone in her thrall. She was considered a goddess, come to fix the wrongs of the world. She was universally adored and revered. Until somehow Fred broke the spell… and saw her for what she truly was. She freed the others, except Connor. And Angel finally brought about her downfall when he managed to break the mental spell Jasmine had on the people.

In the end, it was Connor that killed Jasmine. After her spell had been broken, he broke her neck, destroying her physical form. But he didn't do it out of anger or betrayal. He'd stopped believing in her before the spell was broken. He didn't believe in her, or anything anymore.

" It was the lowest point in my life. I didn't believe in anything, or anybody anymore. Everything I'd invested my trust into had betrayed me. I just wanted to run, to kill or die. I didn't care anymore"

Buffy looks at him with empathy. She knows what he went through. She walks over, and puts her hand on his shoulder, looking directly in his eyes. She sees a sense of self awareness and self acceptance she envies. What Connors sees in her eyes disturbs him. It's the same look he saw in the mirror too many times in the past.

" Then he did something for me I can never repay, " Connor says quietly, " he gave me up. He made a deal with the devil, or Wolfram and Hart, to take over their L.A. offices, effectively ending the war between them. In exchange, they used their mystics to bend time, to change things so I never was Angel's son. Or at least, I never knew I was his son. No one did… except, I found out later, himself. Someone had to remember how things were. That was part of the deal. He remembered me, but couldn't see me. Or speak with me, or be with me. The Riley's became my parents. They still believe they're my parents. It wasn't until Cyvus Vail wanted to eliminate old enemies, Sahjhan to be specific, that things changed. It was prophesied that I would kill Sahjhan, and the old demon wizard kidnapped my parents to force me to do it. Angel trained me again, but I wasn't skilled enough to fight Sahjhan… not until Wesley broke the Orlon Window, and my skills at fighting returned to me. My skills, and my memories…" he pauses briefly, the dichotomy in his head making this part most difficult. " Thing was, I retained both sets of memories, the new ones, the ones manufactured by Cyvus, most real. Do you get that? I remembered my other life, too, but it wasn't as … hurtful as before. They seemed more like a bad dream, rather than real. I knew Angel was my father, and I learned from Wesley what he'd done. But it didn't consume me like before. I knew I had my own destiny now. Do you get that?"

" Not all of it, not all the oogly-boogly stuff. But yeah, I get the gist of it, " Buffy says, pensively." He loved you very much. He gave up any claim to you, so you could have a normal, happy life."

" He wanted me to live, Buffy. To have my own life. I think that's what it was all about, " Connor looks at her intently, " The day before he died, I asked him his greatest regret. He said his greatest regret was that he never could give you the life he wanted you to have. He loved you very much too, Buffy."

Buffy stands silent, biting her lip. Her eyes are shiny with tears. She's doing her best not to cry.

" I know you think I'm just a kid, Buffy. But even I know you have to find peace with yourself. Find your purpose and go for it. Otherwise, you're going to be miserable."

" You're pretty smart for a kid, " Buffy says, smiling through her tears. " We better get you home before your parents sic the police on me."

Taking his hand, they walk, hand in hand, out of the dark alley into the lighted street.

* * *

" That can't be right. Do it again!"

" Faith, I've done the spell four times. It's always the same. This is where she's at." Willow, already upset by the night's events, and what she saw downstairs a little earlier, isn't in the mood to be questioned.

" But that puts her right here… in the hotel. That can't be right, " Faith is adamant. " She went missing hours ago. No one saw her come in. She's not here. Your spell is wonky."

" My spell is so not wonky, " Willow retorts, angrily, " You're being a stupid, stubborn jackass, Faith. Have you even checked to see if she might be here? Checked her room? Checked the garden? There's like a hundred places she could be hiding out around here. My spell isn't the wonky thing around here!"

" Well, geeze, you don't need to get so pissy about it…" Faith sounds wounded, and is pouting just a little bit.

" I don't need to…" Willow chokes off her anger, her voice going calm , " … you come up here, asking for my help to find Buffy. Even though you've been avoiding me the entire time I've been here. You haven't said 10 words to me before tonight. Fine. But when I help you, I locate Buffy for you, you tell me I'm doing it wrong. I'm NOT doing it wrong, Faith. Buffy is in this hotel, somewhere, and if you quit being an ass and look for her, you'll find her. Now… get out of my room."

" Gee, Red, don't sugar coat it, " Faith says sarcastically, her irritation rising, " just say what you think, ok?"

" You don't want to know what I think, " Willow mutters, " Just go, ok?"

" No, I won't go. Not until you tell me what your thinking" Faith crosses her arms. She's not moving.

Willow feels the flush creeping up her neck. – Don't do this, just let it go. You'll be gone in a day or so, so just let it go… don't do this!- But Willow's had too much tonight. Between the fight, and the thing downstairs, and Faith virtually ignoring her since she got here, and with Jana and all the rest, she's hit a wall. She turns, her face flushed in anger.

" Fine, you want to know what I think? I'll tell you what I think. I think you're the biggest coward I ever met, Faith Demarco or Delano or whatEVER THE HELL YOUR NAME IS THIS WEEK!"

Faith's face tightens, her anger swelling inside." Lehane. My name's Lehane, " Faith mutters.

"Whatever," Willow turns away, and starts to pace. " You walk around here all cocky and bold and like nothing fazes you, like you own the place…"

" I do own the place."

" Will you shut up and listen? … yet, when it comes to anything beneath the skin, the stuff that matters? You run like your butt's on fire. You can't deal with someone who may care about you, it scares you silly. So you run away. That's your grand plan, Faith. If things get rough, run like hell."

" That's not true, " Faith says firmly and quietly.

" ' That's not true' , " Willow mocks, " You can't deal, Faith. If anyone gets too close to you, you shove them away. I know for a fact that's true, Faith."

" You know why I left… " Faith starts, but Willow's out of patience with her.

" Did you even give me a chance, Faith? Did you even try to include me in the decision? No, you just left because, and I quote, " I might lose control and hurt you." Willow turns back to Faith, her eyes black, " I'm not some weak kitten, Faith. I'm not defenseless." She utters a word, and gestures, and suddenly Faith finds herself pinned to the ceiling. Willow looks up at her, frowning, " I can take care of myself, Faith. Trust me. I could tear you to pieces, if I wanted to. Want me to show you how?"

Faith feels her heart beating fast in her chest. " N-N- No" She whispers.

Willow makes a gesture, like she's going to let Faith drop from the ceiling. But she just floats her down, back on her feet. She gives Faith the once over, and shakes her head.

" I know what it's like to be out of control, Faith. I know as much as you do, " Willow says, her eyes returning to normal, her voice quiet, but firm." You think the power I have doesn't scare me? That I'm not afraid of losing myself to it, doing something incredibly bad? I know what it's like Faith, having something dark and terrible inside. I know, and I deal with it. Every day. So, you're noble sacrifice? Just doesn't wash. That's not what you're afraid of, Faith, not at all. Good excuse, if I were an idiot. But I'm not, and I'm tired of you insulting my intelligence." Willow turns her back on Faith. " Get out."

" How does that make me a coward, Red? Not making too much sense here…"

" I never thought you were an idiot, Faith, but now I'm beginning to wonder, " Willow turns around, " Do you really think I'm THAT stupid? That I bought your excuse that night? Remember what I told you? ' Don't make me your excuse.' Remember? I guess not. Well, Faith whoeverthehellyouare, here's the deal. I'll keep it really simple, so you can get it. You can't deal with someone loving you. You're afraid everybody's gonna leave you, throw you away. I'm sorry you had such a crappy life, but honey, you never EVEN gave me a chance to be different. You didn't let me in, you didn't let me try to help. You kept me apart. Fine. But don't think I'm gonna take it when you use me as a reason to break up with me. THAT MAKES YOU A COWARD , FAITH!!! DO YOU GET IT NOW?"

Faith is stunned by Willow's vehemence. She stands silently, tight lipped.

Willow squeezes her eyes shut, as if looking at Faith hurts too much. " I'm tired, I want to sleep. I told you where Buffy is. Now go, please, just go."

" Red… Willow…I'm sorry…"

" Too late for sorry, Faith. Way too late." Willow, still not looking at Faith, gestures her hand. Faith finds herself gently but irresistibly pushed out the door, which then slams in her face. She stares at the door for what seems to her like forever, but is really less than a minute. Then she turns, and her body slumped, walks away.

Willow, her strength to hold back the tears gone, throws herself on the bed, and cries. She clutches at the bedclothes, trying to find some way to hide from her pain. But it's no good; she can feel her heart breaking all over again.

She vows to herself this is the last time.

She'll never let Faith hurt her like this again.

* * *

Buffy's in her room, the only light a nightlight close at hand. She's lying in bed, half clothed, her only companion a half empty bottle of scotch. She grabs the bottle, tilting it up and taking a pull off it. She puts it down, and makes a face, her tongue out, making a disgusted noise. She's more than plastered. She's approaching blotto.

-

- _God, there's gotta be an easier way to get drunk_,-she thinks, as she takes another pull, the taste disgusting her. –_What did mom use to drink? Oh yeah… peppermint Schnapps. Maybe that'd be better._- She grimaces at the bottle, but takes another pull anyway.- _Naw… too wussy._- She giggles. – _Oh, oh, Slayer, better be careful. You almost said a bad word back there. Wussy. Hee hee hee _.- Buffy takes another pull on the bottle, then sets it back on the nightstand… almost missing and dropping it. – _Shit. Almost lost it. God, you're drunk, Buffy. No, I'm not… I can still think, so I'm so not drunk! Not drunk enough, anyway!_- Buffy leans back in the bed, and stares at the ceiling. – _God, even a kid's got it so much more together than I do. How fucking fair is that? Hmmm … wonder how fair he is at fucking? He is kinda cute… oh, God, Buffy, that's disgusting on so many levels, I wanna puke! You're disgusting, Buffy, and disgustingly drunk. I'm cutting you off! Right after this drink. Now, don't argue with me, you've had too much already. No, no, I'm firm about this! After this drink? You're so cut off. No, no, no don't beg. Won't do any good!_- Buffy grabs the bottle, and drinks, spilling some of it on herself. - _Aw, shit, you're a slob Buffy. Disgusting, and a slob. A disgusting slob! I mean, really, do you reeeaaallly want him after where he's been? I mean, really? Cordelia? Ewww times one thousand! Not enough booze in the world to make that palat… palata…crap, make that ok. Never mind he's Angel's son. More Ewww. That's it, right after this drink, you're cut off. Even thinking like that is totally gross_.- Buffy takes another drink, and slams the bottle back down on the table.

- _Well, you sure tole it, didn't you, Buffy ole girl? Who says you're a waste of space, huh? Tough as nails, that's you, slayer! You betcha. I think that calls for another drink, don't you? Right!-_ Buffy picks up the bottle, and takes another drink.- _Gaaah!!! That's stuff's disgusting! How's Giles stand it, anyway? Gaaah_.- Buffy shivers. – _You're drunk slayer. I'm not drunk! You so are drunk, you disgusting slobby drunk. You smell bad, too! Know what else? You're horny. You're drunk, you're a slob, and you're horny. Hey…when did you change into a guy, huh?_- Buffy giggles.- _God, I can't remember when I had sex last. What the fuck was sex again? Oh, yeah, that's when you fuck the what, right?_- More giggles.- _Aw, fuck that, slayer. Who'd want a slobby, disgusting smelly drunk like you, anyway? Whaz wrong, slayer? Feelin' sorry for yourself? Time for Pity Party, Buffy style? Well , less have another drinkie then , don't ya think?_- Buffy picks up the bottle, and takes another pull. - _Aw, now look, almost gone. Thaz no good! Knew I shoulda snagged another bottle from downstairs. Gonna have to go get refills, I guess. Right, refills. Got it. Right after this drink._ - She upends the bottle and drains it.- _Ya know? That stuff don't taste so bad once you get used to it! Ok, Buffy. Up we go, time to get reinforcements_.- She giggles hysterically. – _Reinforcements my ass. Refills. Hmmm… wait… maybe my ass needs reinforcements. Getting a bit lumpy, I thinks. Gotta start doin' more workouts, ya know?_- Buffy tries to lift herself off the bed, then falls back. – _Wheee… look at the room go! Shit, that's no good. Can't get up if the rooms all gonna be spinney and stuff. What kinda joint is this? With rooms that spin? A circus? A carnival? Shit O'Leary, didn't want to go to no carnival. Hate 'em. Yeah, that's it. Hate 'em. Buffy wants a drink, not a ring toss! Ok once again. Upsy dupsy!_ – Buffy makes another attempt, and actually gets sitting up… but grips tightly to the edges of the bed. – _Man, ok, just gonna sit here til the room stops twirling…-_

At that moment, the light in Buffy's room snaps on. She cries out, startled, and covers her eyes with her hand.

"Whattafuck you doin'? Turn out the lights, " she slurs, trying to block the harsh light from her eyes.

"Where the hell have you been?" A very pissed off Faith asks her, seeing her sitting on the bed.- _Oh, fucking swell. Red was right after all. She's been here who knows how long, and I've been going crazy worrying about her. What a waste of time!_- " You've had us half crazy with worry. And where's Connor?"

" Connor? Connor… I know that name, give me a sec here… Connor, " Buffy muses seriously, then giggles, " Oh yeah, Angel's son. Cute kid. Got him home… took him home. Kinda cute, you know? Wonder what he's like in the sack…? Oh, shit, did I say that out loud?" Buffy giggles, weaving a little.

Faith looks at her intently, and then sees the empty bottle on the floor. " You're drunk!"

"So not drunk, " Buffy slurs convincingly, " I… I been out doin' the slayer duty thing. Keepin' the world safe from the baddies. Broke in and broke up a ring of evil manne… manne … ah, shit, dummies. Killed em all I did!" Buffy giggles. " Aren't ya proud of me? Made the world safe from dummies!" Buffy lurches left, then right. " Hey, no fair, hold still!" She squeezes her eyes shut. " God, can this room stop spinning, already? Don't feel so good."

" Crap. How much did you have to drink?" Faith rushes over to Buffy, picking up the bottle , " Did you drink all of this?" She holds it in Buffy's face.

Buffy opens her eyes, which are slightly crossed, and looks at the bottle, " Hell, no, I only drank one. I didn't drink the other one, honest, your honor!" She giggles, then make an 'urpping' noise. Her face blanches.

" Oh, man, " Faith says, putting her arm around Buffy's waist. " Don't hurl, Buffy. Please, don't hurl… not til we…"

But it's beyond too late. Buffy lurches over, and the content of her stomach hits the floor. Faith, tired, upset and angry, almost hurls just smelling it. She holds on, and rushes Buffy into the bathroom before she can toss her cookies again. Buffy leans over the toilet, and Faith holds her head as more of the scotch comes back up the way it went down. Buffy chokes, then vomits again, Faith quietly holding her, trying to keep the spew in the toilet. She feels her own stomach rebelling at the stench.- _That'd be just lovely, me hurling on top of Buffy. Right now, thinking she deserves it! Damn her, never mind worrying me to death, she managed to get me and Red fighting again_.- Realizing Buffy seems to be done vomiting, she lifts her, and struggling a bit, starts to strip off her clothing.

" Hey… hey. Whatcha doin? Getting a little personal, aren't we?" Buffy giggles, " you trying to seduce me, Faith? Gee, didn't know you cared. It's alright, ya know. You're really kinda cute… and I'm really kinda horny."

" Yeah, and really kinda drunk, B." Faith makes a disgusted face. She pushes Buffy towards the shower.

"What're you doin', Faithy Waithy? Oooo… faithy waithy" Buffy giggles, " you're so cute!"

" And you smell like a brewery. In you go!" Faith , not too gently, pushes Buffy into the shower.

"Yeah, kinda stinky, I guess, " Buffy slurs agreeably. She grins, "Wanna join me? Could be fun!"

Faith just rolls her eyes, and holding Buffy up, reaches over and turns on the cold tap…full blast.

"WHATTDAFUCKYOUDOING!" Buffy yells as the cold water hits her" SHITSHITSHITSHITSHIT!!!"

Faith, getting soaked , hold Buffy up as the needle like spray washes over her. Buffy is cursing up a storm, and struggling with her. Faith holds her arms, and presses her to the wall, letting the spray wash over both of them, but mostly trying to let it wash over Buffy.

" Lemme go , dammit Faith lemme go. Shit it hurts, stop it you fucking bitch let me go. I'm so gonna deck you , you fucking whore let me go dammit lemme go!" She flails at Faith, who manages to duck her blows.

" Shut up, Buffy" Faith growls, already pissed to the max.

"What the hell is going on in here?" Willow is standing in the bathroom doorway, hands on hips.

-_Oh, fuck, just what I need. Another country heard from _!-

" She's tryin' to kill me, Will.. help!" Buffy cries, trying to beat on Faith.

" She's drunk, Red. Didn't ya notice the empty bottle and steaming pile of puke when you walked in? She drank a whole bottle of scotch, and I'm trying to sober her up enough so she doesn't choke on her own puke!" Faith is struggling to keep the drunken Buffy contained under the shower.

" She's lyin', Will. She's trying to drown me!" Buffy screams, " let me go, you fucking bitch!"

" Faith, that's enough. Let her go" Willow says quietly.

" Red, you back off. I got this handled. Go back to bed."

" She's my friend, Faith. I'll take care of her, " Willow says, making a small hand gesture. Faith is pushed slightly back, but slips on water spilled over from the shower, and falls hard on her butt. She yelps, and then glares at Willow.

" I had this in control until you came in!" Faith mutters, standing up and rubbing her butt.

" Yeah you did. That's why she's screaming, scared to death, huh?" Willow says, going over and covering Buffy with a towel. She starts to dry Buffy off.

" She was drunk outta her mind. She didn't like the cold water, " Faith mutters, " and she's more than a little spoiled, to boot."

" Just go. I'll take care of this, " Willow says, helping Buffy towards the bed.

Faith has had it. - _They deserve each other_ – She thinks, as she leaves the bathroom.

" Screw you, " Faith says, angry, " screw you both." She storms out, slamming the door after her.

Willow sits Buffy on the bed, who, after her rather icy shower, is wide awake, and beginning to shake the effects of the scotch. She's leaning over, clutching her head.

" Ooooo crap, what'd I do now?" she moans, the beginnings of a hangover hitting her.

" You mean, other than get drunk, puke on the carpeting, and accuse Faith of trying to murder you? Not much, dummy!" Willow says, plainly irritated with her friend. And herself, for giving Faith more grief this evening. – _Why'd I attack her, anyway? She was just trying to help Buffy. A little more than petty, don't you think, Will? Really stupid, don't you think… like on a mega scale?_-

" I so screwed up, " Buffy moans, contritely, " Where's Faith? I know she was here… she tried to help me… is she mad at me?"

" She left. I think she's pretty mad at both of us, " Willow says. " Get some sleep, we'll talk about this in the morning."

" I'm sorry, Will, " Buffy says, " god, Faith is so gonna kick my ass in the morning, I know it. I screwed up badly here."

" Shhh. Don't you get upset. She'll chill out," Willow reassures her. – _At least, she'll chill out with you_.-

" Mad at you?" That part finally sinks into Buffy's fogged out mind, " Why should she be mad at you? She loves you!"

" I don't think so, Buffy," Willow stands up, " Get some sleep, we'll talk tomorrow."

" No… no, you don't get it Will ! She's.. she's nuts about you. God, she's like carrying a torch the size of… I dunno, but it's really big, you know?"

" Buffy, don't be a dope, ok? You've had way too much to drink. Whatever Faith and I had … that's way over. You'll remember that in the morning, when your sober."

" 'K, admit I'm drunk, Will, but not that drunk. She's … god, ever since you were due to arrive, she's been like a cat in the dog pound. She's been so scared she'd screw things up. With you, I mean. She's been all… shit, she's all broken up over you, still ,Willow. Don't you know that?"

Willow smiles down at Buffy, " You're sweet, Buffy. Drunk, but sweet. Me and Faith, we're over, ok? Quit playing cupid," Willow says, tightly, " anyway, I think Faith's moved on."

"What're you talking about?" Buffy asks.

" She likes that what… model-cum-assistant of hers? What's her name?"

"Kira? Tall, skinny, really intense eyes? Kira? Is that who you mean?"

" Yeah, I guess so. Anyway, I saw them downstairs tonight. They looked pretty chummy…"

" Well, of course they're chummy, you moron. They're friends. Like you and me are friends. Shit, girl, we've palled around like forever. Doesn't mean we're googly for each other. They're just like that. They're just buds, is all."

" I think you're seeing what you want to see, Buffy, you goof. I know you want me to be happy, but let's face facts. Faith's moved on, and it's time I did too."

" Know what I think? I think you're seeing things with green eyes… I mean, you're jealous!"

"Well, that's stupid, Buffy. You gotta care to be jealous, you know."

" Oh, I see… and you don't care about Faith, is that it?"

" Well… yeah!"

" Liar!"

" You're bent, Buffy, and drunk. You don't know anything about it. I don't care about Faith, not a whit."

" Then why're your ears red, Willow?"

"What? What're you talking about?" Willow claps her hands over her ears.

" God, Will, you've never been a good liar, and you're ears always give you away. They turn red when you lie. You know that. " Buffy shakes her head, " I told ya I wasn't that drunk," Buffy mutters.

" Ok, suppose , just suppose, cuz I'm not admitting anything, but just pretend you're right, ok? So what? Faith doesn't want me. That's pretty damned clear, you know?" Willow flushes," she dumped me, Buffy, not the other way 'round. Do you know how much that hurt?"

" I gotcha. So, because Faith was a dope, you're gonna be one, too?"

" Buffy, it's not that easy…"

" I'm sorry, and god, I never ever wanted to sound like Xander, but it IS that easy, Will. So Faith is a moron when it comes to the love stuff, " Buffy pauses, and rolls her eyes, " God, we're all morons when it comes to the love stuff, if you wanna be honest here. But does that make her feelings any less real? Or yours, for that matter?" Buffy groans.

"What? What's wrong?" Willow asks, looking concerned.

" I think I'm sobering up… and it really, really hurts." Buffy groans again." Never ever let me drink again, promise?"

" Buffy, you need to sleep. We'll talk in the morning, ok?" Willow starts to move away, but her arm is grabbed by an amazingly strong hand. " Buffy? Let me go, please!"

" No way, Will. Don't make me chase you, not with my head feeling like a balloon ready to pop. Sit you're butt down, we're not done here! "

" Buffy…"

" SIT!"

Willow sits.

" Ok, and god, here I am, channeling Xander again, but you love her, and she loves you, and love is hard, and messy. God, do I know that one. Look how I messed up everyone I loved, huh? Anyway, oh and thank you for bringing me back to sober-land," Buffy grabs her head again, moaning, " anyway, if she's not the one you want to be with, if she's not the one that makes your heart go crazy when you enter a room, if she's just the one you were getting over Tara with? Ok, not over, but getting on with life without Tara with… I know that makes sense in some universe… then, yeah, cut it off, and let her go, and yes, get on with your life. I hate seeing you hurt, Will O Mine. So if it's not her, let her go, and you go on, too. But if she's the one, the one you want… then don't, please, don't pull a Buffy, ok?" Buffy pats Will's hand, and lets her go, " I kinda want to see you happy, Will, you know?"

- Aw crap, more tears.- Willow wipes surreptitiously at her eyes, trying to hide it from Buffy.

" Did I mention I kinda love you?" Willow asks, her voice betraying her when it cracks, just a little.

" You did now, but I kinda beat you by a few years," Buffy grins. Willow goes to hug her, but Buffy puts up her hands. " No… please, no hugs. I'm kinda feeling crappy again, and not wanting to ralf on you." Buffy lays down, and sliding under the covers, rolls onto her side, " thinking I'm gonna sleep now." almost as soon as her head hits the pillow, Buffy is gently snoring.

Willow sits and watches Buffy sleep for awhile. She smoothes out the sleeping girl's hair, and smiles sadly at her. – _That's my Buffy. Sweet, not too bright. I wish it were as easy as you make it out to be, sweetie. I really do_.- She stands up , and leans over, kissing Buffy on the cheek. She turns out the light, and makes her way to the door. She looks back at Buffy one last time, and a sad smile comes on her face.

- _God, Buffy, I hope you find some happiness, too. I think you really need it_. –

She slips out the door, closing it quietly behind her.

* * *

To be continued. 


	18. Part 18

Independence

By Norwalker

Part 18 of

Summary: What did Willow and Faith discuss in that little car trip from L.A. to Sunnydale in season 7? And what were the consequences? A Willow/ Faith story

Rating: R, Very R

Category: romance/drama/angst

Spoilers: Possible season 7 spoilers. Possible season 4 Angel spoilers. C'mon, you must have seen 'em by now!

Time Line: Mid season 7(after the return of Faith) and beyond

Disclaimer: Joss Whedon , Mutant Enemy and Fox own them.

Warnings: Adult themes, violence, sexual situations between members of the same gender. Please be aware, character death is always a distinct possibility. It can happen here, so don't say I didn't warn you!!! Any racist remarks are spoken by the characters, and are in no way shared by the author. This story is not meant for children.

* * *

6 AM, the next morning.

Faith sits on the staircase, watching as the clean up crew begins to haul out the mess that covers the lobby. She's been up since 5, when she let the crew in to begin work. Bleary eyed from lack of sleep, she's feeling in none too generous a mood.

In fact, she's furious.

- _Well, it's true. No good deed ever goes unpunished. I try my best to find Buffy last night and what do I get? A ration of crappola. First I'm out looking everywhere with no luck, but hey, that's just my job, right? Finding dysfunctional slayers is my real calling. Right? Ok, then I come back, and I ask Willow to help with a locator spell, and she acts like I'm asking her to haul shit to the dump. And when I find it just a little hard to believe Buffy is hiding in plain sight in the hotel, Willow goes ballistic on me. Ok, I was wrong about that, but did I deserve being called a coward? No, I'm thinking not. Yeah, ok, I left her. Ok, I was stupid, and been kicking myself like every day since, ok. But does she consider that, maybe? Oh, no. I'm the heartless bitch that dumped her. Maybe like she might give me the benefits, and figure I WASN'T LYING TO HER! I was scared I would hurt her. I didn't know if I could control my nature. Gee, Willow, I just learned what I was. Think it's easy to know I'm not entirely human, girl? You think that leaving you wasn't the hardest thing I ever done? Oh, but I'm heartless, remember? I probably went skipping through the posies, kicking puppies in my path I was so happy, right? You think I don't know I hurt you? You think I didn't hurt, too? I guess you must, after what you said. Oh yeah, you're pretty powerful, Willow. But I'm pretty powerful, too, and damned fast. Who's to say that I couldn't snap your neck before you even moved a muscle? Think I could live with the idea that I killed you? Think I don't worry about that, even now? Shit, you don't think much, do you?_-

- _Ok, so what if what you said might be true. So what if maybe I'm just a little scared of loving you, Willow? So the fuck what? You're right, you didn't have my life, you don't know what it's about, wanting to love and no one… NO ONE… returning it. See if you don't get just a wee bit scared if that happened to you. But it never did, did it, Willow? Everybody loves you. Everybody thinks your sweet and loving and kind. But hey, you got a pretty cruel mean streak in you, girl. Don't you think you don't! You're pretty damned willing to use your claws on me, aren't you sweetie? But then, I'm the cold hearted bitch, so I got it coming. Isn't that right? Right?_-

- _Oh, and Buffy? Thanks so much for acting so mature as to disappear, so I gotta go looking for you half the night. And thanks for getting Connor's adoptive parents so mad at me, they're threatening legal action. And, did I thank you for puking on me, and the floor, after getting so drunk I was afraid you'd choke on your own vomit? Did I thank you for that? Oh, yes, and the shower scene? So not sexy, girl. Just a tip, ok? And, then, you acting like a brat when I tried to sober you up enough to not die. Gotta love that. Especially when it brings Willow running to your defense. Never mind I was trying to help you. What do you do? Scream bloody murder, and of course, who does she believe? You, the drunken psycho…that's who. Because you're Buffy, and I'm just Faith. You know, Faith the previous psycho girl, who everyone remembers that way, but does anyone kinda remember I've changed? Not on your life, uh-uh. Buffy's the good slayer. Faith's the BAD slayer. That's just the way it's always gonna be, right? RIGHT?-_

Faith, in anger, kicks her foot out, breaking a post in the banister. The noise attracts the attention of one of the workers, who looks up at Faith in surprise. Faith, on the other hand, is wearing a sheepish expression.

" Hey, ma'am? I mean, It's great you brought us out here on triple time to clean up the mess. Gotta love the money, you know? But you did kinda give us a deadline, and if you're gonna keep breaking stuff, we'll never make it, ok?"

-_Aw, crap, now I'm getting blamed for the destruction, too. Just swell!_ –

" Sorry, " Faith blushes and waves her hands apologetically. " Sorry!" Feeling even more stupid, Faith runs downstairs and scurries into the office behind the reception desk… a good hiding place, at the moment.

Unfortunately, she's not alone. Kira is already in residence, looking over some paperwork on the desk. –God, does she ever take a break?- Faith, seeing the desk occupied, plops down in one of the chairs fronting the desk. Kira looks up, and half smiles.

" Well, good morning sunshine," then, noticing Faith's glower, says, " I retract that… good morning, dark clouds of doom." She peers at Faith and frowns, " you look like hell."

" Slept like crap, " Faith grumbles, needing coffee." Figured I get up and see the work gets done this morning… and surprise, you're awake, too." -_Damn, she looks like a picture, how the hell does she do it, anyway?_-

" Yeah, slept like a baby, " Kira says, looking down at the papers in front of her. She gets an impatient expression on her face.

" Babies sleep like shit, ya know. Up every two hours, either needing a bottle or a change," Faith says, in passing.

" Didn't say it was a great sleep," Kira smiles to herself, " So, oh grumbly one, coffee? To soothe the savage beast?"

" The quote is ' to soothe the savage breast' , you know," Faith corrects her, hauling herself up to get a cup of coffee. Kira waves her down, and turns , sliding her chair to the coffee pot. She pours a cup of coffee, grabs a few packets of sugar, a stirrer and slides the chair back behind the desk.

" C'mon, baby, you know well as I do that until you get coffee in the morning, you're a real beast. Don't know about your breasts." Kira giggles, handing Faith the coffee, sugar and stirrer. Faith prepares the coffee, and sips, giving out an audible sigh of happiness.

" Heaven," Faith sips her coffee. She leans back in the chair, getting comfortable. She yawns.

" You look beat, " Kira says, her voice reflecting her concern, " I was already up… I could've let the crew in."

" Mmm, yeah I guess," Faith stretches a little, " but I wanted to make sure the job got done, It's kinda important."

" Faith, with you, everything is important. You've gotta learn to ease up a little, relax, delegate, you know?"

Faith almost spits out the coffee she just drank. " Oh, my god, this, from you? Puh-lease, Ms. Kira' Get- up- early- not- happy- til- I've- done- 5- projects- before- 8 am- don't- take- vacations-unless –forced-to' Hearne? Someone's doing a little ' do as I say, not as I do' around here, isn't she?"

" Totally different thing, Faith. Sure, I work hard, it's my job, and I love it. And, of course, I'm worth every penny you pay me, and more, " Kira's not too subtle with the hints, " but when I'm done, end of day? I let it go. I don't spend my 'off' time worrying about every little thing. I mean, if there's a crisis, different, but I find they'll find me no matter. You, sweetie, on the other hand, take every little bit and worry it to death. You're 'on' 24/7, never give yourself some off time, and feel ever little detail is your responsibility. You've got to let go, learn some way to not let everything bother you, or I'm gonna be visiting you in the padded room. And not too far off, either. Get me, Ms. Boss lady?"

" Please, Kira? No lectures this morning, " Faith grumbles into her cup, " had enough lectures for awhile."

" Yeah, kinda heard the commotion last night."

Faith shakes her head. –_God was it broadcast over the PA system or something?_- Faith retreats into her coffee, a sure sign she doesn't want to talk about it.

Not that it ever stops Kira.

" Look Faith, I know it's not my business, " Kira starts.

" You're right there, Kira," Faith agrees. – _As if that'll stop her_.-

It doesn't

" … But, ummm… now, don't go all ballistic on me, but maybe… could she have a… well, could she be right?" Kira hopes she can clamber under the desk quickly, in case.

" What? You too? You think I'm some kinda coward, too?" Faith feels the flush creeping up her neck.

" No, of course not, " Kira smoothes it over, " I'm just saying… could you be a little … scared about … well, being in a relationship?" – I'm so applying for combat pay, I swear.-

" Or maybe," Faith's tone is heavy on the sarcasm, " just maybe what I said is true? That I'm afraid I'm gonna hurt her? Think that maybe that's a possibility?"

" Don't you think this is hurting her?"

" Dammit!" Faith explodes out of her chair. Forgetting she has coffee, she nearly spills it on herself, just getting her angrier. " Isn't anyone like, on my side in this?" She starts pacing in the not overly roomy office.

" Is this really about sides, Faith?" Kira says gently.

" I'm thinking it is , at least for her, " Faith mutters, " I mean, it's I'm wrong, and she's right… right? What do you call that?"

" I don't think it's that at all, Faith," Kira says, quietly.

" Oh, really? Then what IS it about, oh wise one?"

" Well, if you're gonna start getting nasty with me ..." Kira trails off.

"I'm sorry…sorry, sorry, sorry, " Faith gestures impatiently, and turns away.

" You know Faith, when you made me your number 2 in the company, no one expected that. They figured you would go with one of the senior execs, the ones with all the time and experience. But you interviewed me, and saw something you liked, I think, cuz you gave me the job. That took some real guts, to show me that kind of trust, you know." Kira stands up, and walks over to where Faith is standing, putting her hand on Faith's shoulder, " you're probably the gutsiest woman I've ever seen in business, know what I mean?" Faith nods her head. " But when it comes to personal stuff, you… well, baby, don't get all mad, but you kinda fade out, you know? I've never ever seen you date anyone, even though I've seen you attract a lot of interest at work, and away from work…" – _Even me, you dope…if you'd only asked once_… -

" Not really into dating, Kira" Faith stands quietly, looking out through the window at the work going on.

- _Yeah, kinda noticed that, goof_ – " So, when I see you look at Ms. Rosenberg, I can see like you carrying this big thing for her around, you know?"

Faith shrugs.

"And, I see how she looks at you… total sparkage there. But I also see hurt there, honey. After last night, kinda getting the idea that she's hurt, cuz you maybe didn't trust her very much."

" I trust her with my life, Kira"

" Really? Sorry, honey, I'm really not buying that one. I know you're not trusting her with your heart, " Kira rubs her hand gently along Faith's shoulder. " I think she thinks that you think she's going to bolt at the first sign of badness. Know what I mean? I think she needs to know that you understand she'll be there for you, no matter… don't you get that?"

" Shit, " Faith breaks away from Kira, her emotions all confused, " Dammit, don't sugar coat it, Kira. I'm a fucking monster… I'm a freak, you know? How can she love a freak like me? How can she ever feel safe with me? How can I protect her if I go bad? HOW?"

" I think she's willing to take that risk. Question is, are you?"

" How could I live with myself if I killed her? I wouldn't want to live with myself without her…"

" Yet here you are, living without her."

" That's different… I've got to protect her from me, even if it means I can't be with her!"

" I'm not saying you're not concerned with her safety, though I think you're all screwed up on that one…"

"What do you know about it? I could go bad any second, be a monster or …"

" Oh, c'mon, Faith. I've been working with you for a year. God, I've seen you in all kinds of situations. Things that would make others go nuts… and you keep yourself collected and calm. I'm really not thinking that whatever you carry inside you is gonna just pop out suddenly… and you know what? I don't think YOU really believe that, either!"

"What do you know, anyway?" Faith turns away from her, fists clenched.

" I know this, Faith Lehane, I know that what you told me about that night that you … executed the monster that was your father. I know that…" Kira goes over to Faith again, and turns her towards her, looking directly in the eyes, " I know you saw something in her eyes that night that scared you to death. You saw fear and revulsion. And now, you're afraid that you'll see that again. You're afraid that she'll be disgusted with you, and fear you, and that'll break your heart into a million billion pieces. And that, Faith, is what you fear most!!!!"

Kira found the chink in Faith's armor. Faith stands there, shocked by her greatest fear being exposed. Her normally cool and collected exterior, already wobbling, collapses. Her face seems to crumple and she starts to shake, the hurt and pain causing deep sobs to rock through her. Her chin falls to her chest, and the tears start to fall from her face to the floor.

Kira feels her own eyes get wet as she gathers Faith into her arms, holding her as she cries from a place deep inside and so long ago. She holds her gently, like a child, rubbing and patting her back, doing what she can to soothe the pain she feels.

" Shhh, there, there honey, just let it out, it's ok… let it go, that's right honey, let it go," Kira tries to comfort Faith in some small way, tries to let her know it's ok to let someone share the hurt, and to share it.

Neither one sees Willow standing at the reception desk, looking in the window. Her face seems pale, and drawn, her mouth turned down into a frown. She turns quietly away from the desk, and walks upstairs.

It takes awhile, but Faith finally cries out her tears; the pain, while not gone, is lessened. She realizes someone is holding her, and looks up to see Kira smiling at her, some little tears staining her cheeks. She grins self-deprecatingly, and gently breaks out of Kira's embrace, backing off a few steps.

"Well, that was kinda … embarrassing," Faith says, trying to downplay what happened.

" Oh yeah, being human. Needing comfort. Yeah, that's truly dreadful. Uh-huh, " Kira says with a healthy dose of irony laden in her words.

" Ok, ok, I get it. I've been pretty stupid, I get that." Faith is already trying to throw back up the armor. She doesn't like being this exposed, this vulnerable.

" You know, Faith, true strength doesn't come from not needing anybody. It comes from knowing when you need help, and knowing how to ask for it."

" Ok, so, you got the job."

" Oh, no. I do enough around here. Nope, there's someone else I think that should fill this position, don't you?" Kira gives her a knowing glance.

" Oh, god, I'm so screwed, " Faith moans, " I've been so wrong here, and I don't have a clue how to fix it. She'll never want me again, don't you see, Kira? She's gotta so hate me! What do I say to her? How do I make her know I…" Faith hesitates, this is the hardest thing she's ever had to admit, " … how do I make her know I love her, really love her? Make her know I trust her? How? You really gotta help me, Kira."

" Hey, don't even look at me, Faith. I'm no expert, and frankly? I don't know this woman. I haven't a clue what to say to her, what to do to make it right with her."

" Shit. Then it's over. It's really over. I don't have a chance here," Faith, discouraged, plops down in a chair." I've lost her, because I'm a total moron. An idiot. A true dope!"

" Well, duh. If you think that way, you really are," Kira prods her.

"What are you giving me grief about now, Kira?" Faith growls at her.

" You want to know Willow, right?" Kira asks the obvious.

" Well, duh, to quote you," Faith rejoins.

" You have probably the best Willow expert right here, living in the hotel. And, she needs help, help probably only you can really provide, you know? Is the light bulb going on yet?"

" Oh, of course… huh?" Faith says, a little annoyed at the game. Thinking right now is not her best suit.

" Ok, are you being deliberately dense? Blonde, kinda short, really soft eyes, kinda not all clued in? Getting the picture now, Miss Marple?"

" You mean Buffy?" Faith asks.- Oh, yeah, she's so gonna help me. Right. Uh-huh.-

Kira touches her nose with one finger, and points at Faith with the other. " There you go, now that's the girl I know, using her noggin, at last!"

Faith chuckles, nervously, " You're nuts, Kira. Buffy wouldn't help me. Never mind she skating with one skate right now, it's rusty and dull, and the ice is reaaaallly thin. Buffy doesn't really approve of me and Willow, I'm pretty sure." Faith thinks back to that time when they were at the safe house after Sunnydale. How Buffy nearly had a cow being disturbed by Faith's and Willow's problems.- Yeah, sure. She's gonna play cupid now. Like, when pigs do airshows.-

" Ok, well, you know well as I do that Buffy's in a bad way. I'm thinking, and it's only a guess, that she's kinda feeling adrift. Not feeling part of anything. Not having any real purpose. You know, kinda how you felt?"

" Ok, … ummm… how come you think that?" Faith asks.

" Because she has that same kinda dull, out of it look you had. Until you figured out what you really wanted to do." Kira smiles at her, " Why do you even think I'd be crazy enough to go along with his harebrained scheme of yours, anyway? Except I see how charged you are now?"

" It's not harebrained! It's at least… cat-brained!"

" Faith, Buffy needs something to believe in again. She's so… look, I took the liberty of calling Mr. Giles, and talking to him."

" You what?"

" I wanted the skinny on Buffy. I figured she was hurting, and that you'd need some help figuring it out. She's been working with him for the last year, and I figured if anybody knew what was going on with her, he would. Well, dear, it's been kinda dicey for the shrimp lately."

" Ummm… just a suggestion, Kira? Don't ever let her hear you call her that. She might be small, but she's strong … trust me, I know. And she really doesn't like being reminded of her stature… especially being compared to sea food. Got it?"

"Whatever. Anyway, blondette has been getting more and more withdrawn from things. She's been kind acting wacky, and when she heard Angel died? She kinda went AWOL. Giles was relieved, actually, to hear she was here. Seems she kind of returning to the mode she was in back when you're girlfriend raised her from the dead, " Kira shivers, " Uhhh… about that? Exactly how weird is that, anyway?"

Faith breaks out laughing. " Kira, sweetie? You better get used to weird. That's only the beginning of weird!"

Kira shrugs. " Anyway, we talked about it awhile, and Giles and I came to the same conclusion. Buffy needs to be needed. You know what I mean. Well, I guess we all need that to some extent. But she's been like carrying the weight of the world on her shoulders for a long time. Since she was seventeen. She needs to feel like she's part of something vital, important. She's very active girl, needs the physical stimulation of fighting or something like that. The council? Well, despite Buffy's and Giles' efforts, is beginning to slide back into its old, bureaucratic ways. Buffy's been getting more and more frustrated, and feeling less and less useful. That, along with learning about Angel, and some other stuff, seems to have pushed her close to the edge. She needs help. Help from someone who can understand where she's at, mentally and emotionally. Someone oh… like you?"

"What'm I supposed to do?" Faith shakes her head, " I'm no shrink."

" She doesn't need a therapist… well, ok, maybe a little. But mostly, she needs someone who can understand what she's feeling, what she's going through. Someone who can give her a help up. Not like charity… maybe more a kick in the ass to get back on track. Get it?"

" And that would do it? That'd help Buffy? Kicking her ass?" Faith grins, " Yeah, I could do that… ok, ok, I know. It's gotta be for the right reasons. She bugs the hell out of me, most of the time. But like it or not, she's been part of my life for a long time now. Even if she's a tight ass wound too tight prigette, I still kinda like her. Don't wanna see her go Looney tunes, ya know."

" Good, that's good. I think it's the right thing to do, don't you?"

" Yeah, I guess so," Faith shrugs, " Yeah, ok, it's the right thing to do." –_ So, why do I think I'm going to regret this?-_

Ok, well, bonus. You gain a friend, " Kira adds, " Double bonus. Even if Buffy doesn't want to help with you and Willow, which I think she will, but even if not… don't you think it'll touch Willow's heart that you helped out Buffy?"

" Yeah… I can see that, " Faith says, " but that's not why I'm helping Buffy. I'm helping Buffy for her own sake."

" I said it was a bonus. Not the reason."

" 'K, just as long as we're clear here, " Faith says, " Ummm… so what do you think I should do?"

" Hey. Not the expert on Slayers, especially the itty-bitty variety. That's your department. You gotta figure it out, ya know?" Kira checks her watch, " Oh, will you look at the time? Gotta go. Gonna check on the workmen, then gotta few errands to run. Hey, good luck with Buffy!" Kira runs out of the office, leaving Faith alone, staring after her.

Faith stands in the office, for all the world feeling like she's been bamboozled. Again.

-_ God. Am I ever gonna learn?-_

_

* * *

_

Buffy sits on her bed, squeezing her eyes shut, hoping the throbber of a headache she's got will just go away.

-_Stupid, Buffy. Stupid, stupid, oh, and did I mention? Stupid! Drinking never helps. Things are still shitty, and now I got this killer headache on top of it. God, why'd I even start last night?-_

Buffy gets up, and goes to the mirror, checking out her face. ­– _Ooo. Pretty. NOT! God, I look like I've been in a bar fight or something. Crap… I wasn't in a bar fight, was I? I can't remember much about last night after dropping off Connor. I know I was feeling pretty down, so I stopped for a drink or two.. or three. Anyway, after that I know I kinda made my way back here… oh yeah, raided the liquor cabinet. Stole a bottle of Scotch. God, did I finish that bottle? Shit! … No wonder my mouth feels like it's been invaded by demons…with really smelly feet. Gargled twice already, still taste it. Crap, how does Giles get that stuff down? Dunno, guess I did pretty good last night. God, look at my eyes. I've seen city road maps with fewer arteries running through them. And puffy? Crap, Puffy Buffy, that's me! This is not good, not at all good. Gotta lay off the booze, really. I mean it. Gotta do it._

Buffy walks back to the bed, and sits down. She resists the temptation to lay down. – _Crap, never get up that way. Anyway, kinda useless. Who the hell decided to bring workmen in here at 5 am this morning? Where's the demon that's that cruel, huh? Gonna so chop off its head, and pound it into tiny bitty little pieces. You betcha I'm gonna do it. God, who the hell can sleep through that racket? Never mind it felt like every nail was being driven straight into my brain. Shit and shit howdy. Well, stupid, if you hadn't drunk yourself stupid last night, you wouldn't be so miserable today, would you?-_

_­- I guess just hearing about Connor and Angel, what happened, just kinda bummed me out. Ok, is that really petty or what? But, I mean, I'm not like resentful. I just wish I could've been part of it. C'mon, Buffy, that's just stupid. He had his stuff to do, you had your stuff to do. Yeah, what stuff? Fighting the fight, Buffy, that's what you do. That's what he did. But why couldn't we've fought together? Why'd I send him away? Yeah, I know. Cookie dough. Not done baking. Blah, blah, oh so blah. Well, babe, done or not, it's over. He's gone. It's just not fair, you know? How long am I supposed to go on like this? What am I doing that's so fucking important, anyway? Rebuilding the council? Well, shoot howdy, like they really need me! It's all bureaucrats and bullshit. They don't listen to me, not really. If it weren't for Giles? They'd boot my ass faster than you can say" Watcher's Council".-_

_- Well, Buffy, you better figure it out. Connor's right. Not gonna be good for nothing or no one til I figure out what I want to do. God, I wish Angel were here. Even if he couldn't help me, he could hold me awhile. Make me feel safer… or something. That's no good, though. Not really. He can't hold you forever. You can't hide forever. Can I? Can't I hide like for a little while, even? I just wish I could…-_

Buffy hears the door across the hall slam shut.- _Will's room. What's going on there? Why the slamming… god, I don't need more slamming doors… or any noise!-_ Still, curious, Buffy gets up, and looks across the hall, and yeah, Willow's door is closed tight. Shrugging, she turns to go back in her room, but she hears something from the room. She pads over to the door, and knocks quietly. She waits, but gets no response. So, she knocks louder.

" Yeah…what is it? Kinda busy right now, " Willow's voice, sounding muffled, comes through the door.

" Hey, Will, it's me, Buffy. What's up? You ok?"

" Oh , hey, Buffy. Yeah, I'm fine, " Willow says, her voice sounding strange, "kinda busy right now."

" Can I come in, Will? Kinda jonesing to talk. I promise, won't get in your way, ok?"

" Buffy, really, it's not a good time. Come back later, ok?"

" Will, not ok. Something's up…what's going on?"

" Buffy, go away!"

" Sorry, Will." Buffy puts a little slayer strength on the door lock, and breaks it. She pushes open the door, and receives a little shock. Willow's room looks like a hurricane hit it. Things are everywhere. Her clothes seem to be in the general direction of the bed, where her suitcase is standing open. Willow is sitting on the bed, back to Buffy, hunched over. " Geeze, Will. What the heck happened in here?"

" Buffy? Are you deliberately being a moron?" Willow's voice is angry, and she's not turning around, " do the words, ' Go away ' escape your mental capacity?"

" Yeah guess they do when my friends are in trouble. Guess I'm stupid that way, you know?"

Willow raises her hand, as if to cast a spell. "Go away, Buffy, please…"

" No, don't use magic, Willow. If you want me to go, turn around and tell me to go, but don't just shove me away."

" Fine!" Willow stands up, and turns around. Her eyes are black. Buffy feels a little chill in her heart." Buffy? Go away!"

" Willow, what's up. Why're you so upset?" Buffy avoids mentioning the black eye issue." What can I do to help?"

" Buffy, you can't help, ok? I'm kind of tired, didn't get much sleep last night. Think you might know a reason for that?"

Buffy blushes, and hangs her head,

" Anyway, I'm trying to get packed, so I can catch my flight back to San Francisco."

" You're leaving? Now?" Buffy asks, puzzled, " I thought… well…"

"What? What'd you think, Buffy?" Willow says, impatiently.

" I just thought maybe we'd hang out for a couple of days. You know, like old times? Get in a little girl time…"

" Buffy, we're not in school anymore, you know. I can't just take time off to hang out. I've got a business to run. Some of us have responsibilities, you know." As soon as the words are out of her mouth, Willow realizes what she's said, and wishes she could take them back.

But it's too late. Buffy goes white, her expression going blank. She starts to back out of the room.

" Oh, god.. Buffy, I didn't mean…" Willow is all apologetic, trying to fix it.- _Goddess, Will. Just stick the knife in her, ok?_-

" No… no, I'm sorry, Will. Stupid me, I… yeah, I get it. You got important things to do. Gotcha. Hey, well…bye" Buffy turns and walks out.

" Buffy… Buffy!" Willow goes around the bed, following Buffy out. " Buffy…c'mon, I'm sorry…"

But Buffy is already back in her room, and the door is closed.- _Aw, shoot. Willow? Who ever said you were smart? God, you can be so incredibly stupid sometimes!-_ Willow knocks on the door, but there's no response.

" Aw, c'mon, Buffy. I'm sorry, I didn't mean anything, really… please, open up!" Willow calls out through the door. She almost falls through the door when it opens suddenly, Buffy looking askance at her.

" Look, I got it, Will. You're busy, I understand. We'll catch up some other time. Don't sweat it, ok?" Buffy starts to close the door, but Willow pushes back on it.

"Buffy, please. I'm really sorry. I said something stupid, and I didn't mean it. Please, don't be mad at me… I don't want to lose all my friends." Her voice cracks.

" You sounded like you meant it," Buffy says softly, " I mean, I know I'm not like successful like you and Faith. I'm not doing anything important. Oh hell, I'm not doing anything, period. So, I get it, ok. You got stuff to do, so go ahead and do it. No big, ok?"

" Buffy… I was upset and I took it out on you. Not because I was upset with you. You just happened to be there. I love you, Buffy. You're my bestest friend. I don't want to lose you!"

"Well, I love you too, goof!" Buffy opens the door more, inviting Willow in, " just … well, ok, maybe I've been a little off lately. Ok, a lot off. But that doesn't change the fact that I care about you, and when you hurt, I'm hurting too. I wish you'd trust me enough to talk to me when you hurt, and not try to shut me out."

Willow, hit by the irony of the situation, starts to laugh. It's a sad, acknowledging laugh.

"What? What's so funny?" Buffy doesn't understand why Willow's laughing.

" Last night… we had a fight… Faith and I. We… well, we were looking for you, and I was doing a locating spell. But Faith didn't believe I was doing it right, because it kept showing you to be here. Then all the old stuff came back up, and…" Willow shakes her head, " I kinda said exactly what you just said to me. Well, not exactly, but pretty much the same meaning…" Willow grins ruefully, " guess sometimes, I should follow my own advice, huh?"

" Oh, Will. I didn't know you and Faith fought… crap… and I was the reason. God, I'm so sorry…"

" No, Buffy. You're not the reason. Don't think that. We would've fought if it had been over what time it was, you know? No, don't think you're responsible. You weren't"

"Is that why you're leaving? Because you fought?" Buffy asks, " because if it's the reason? Not good. I mean, you can make up over a fight. Don't let a fight like drive you apart, ok?" Buffy remembers Riley… and the fight that broke them up. How she wished she could take everything back.-_ Damn, and then he had to marry the perfect woman, whom even I kinda loved. DAMN!-_

" No, Buffy, that's not it. I … I thought about what you said last night…"

" What I said?" Buffy strains to remember what she said. " Oh… oh… yeah, about Faith. Yeah. Ok, right, I got that part right… I know that!"

Willow smiles at Buffy's eagerness. " I did think a lot about it. Didn't sleep much, but did lots of thinking. So, earlier this morning? Went down to apologize to Faith. Maybe see if we couldn't at least talk. But, I'm sorry, Buffy. You really got it wrong." Willow's face falls a little.

" Huh?"

" Buffy, when I went down there… I saw Faith and that girl… Kira… yeah, her… I saw them … and the looked pretty intimate… they were in a clinch…" Willow's eyes start to tear up. She wipes at them, impatiently. " Dammit. I swore last night I wouldn't let it hurt anymore. I swore…" She shakes her head impatiently, and looks away.

" No…NO… that can't … that can't be right… they swore… they swore to me, they're just friends. I made them take a blood oath, and pinkie swear, and everything… they're just friends, I know it, Willow."

"Yeah, well, they were looking pretty friendly to me. Maybe a little too friendly, I'm thinking," Willow's lip begins to tremble. "Shit…dammit… I'm sorry, Buff… I gotta go." Willow rushes out, into her own room. The door slams after her.

Buffy sits there, stewing. Her expression hardens.

-_ No one fucks with my friends. Uh-uh. No way. No how.-_

_- Not while I'm breathing, they don't!-_

Buffy stands, her aches and pains forgotten.

She marches out of her room towards the stairs.

* * *

Kira Hearne is standing in the middle of the construction area, looking angry and frustrated. She's arguing with the construction foreman.

" You promised me. You told me on the phone that you could get the job done, on time, at the price we agreed to. Now you're telling me you can't do it? What's going on here?" Kira looks close to hitting the foreman.

"Look, lady. On the phone you told me minor damage. Minor damage, do you know what that means? Some broken pieces, maybe some repainting. Maybe a couple of holes in the wall. This isn't minor damage." The foreman waves his arms around at the lobby. " Some of the damage here is structural, on load bearing walls and beams. I can't rush that. I can't do a Mickey Mouse job on it. Not and meet code. I'm sorry, but there's no way I can meet that deadline, and do it right. Nobody can… nobody legit, anyway. So, you decide. I mean, we can quit now… it's up to you. We'll just bill you for the work we've done." He folds his arms over his chest. He's done.

" No way. No way you're gonna stop now. Uh-uh. You're finishing this job, at the price we agreed." Kira gets right into his face, " and brother, you better have good lawyers. Hear? You got no idea who you're dealing with. You haven't heard the last of this!" Kira stalks off a little, turns and faces the foreman, her arms folded over her chest. She's done, too. They stand there, glaring at each other.

At that moment, a very angry looking Buffy Summers storms down the stairs, and walks up to Kira.

" You , me. We gotta talk. NOW!" She stands in front of Kira, arms folded across her chest. Glaring at Kira.

Kira, looking irritated at the interruption, looks down at Buffy.

" Buffy, I really don't have time right now. I'm busy" She resumes her glare at the Foreman, who returns it.

" Make time." Buffy growls.

Kira ignores her, figuring she's off on some tangent, and she doesn't need to be distracted. Buffy, not cottoning to being ignored, goes over, and grabs Kira's arm. She hooks it through her own, and turns toward the foreman.

" Would you excuse us, please? We need to talk. Why don't you go do what you're supposed to do, rather than standing around looking like an idiot?" Buffy glares at him, her jaw set.

The foreman, being glared at by both women, finally just turns, and walks back towards the crew. He makes some remark that ends with " women" , but he gets his men back to work.

" Just what the hell do you think you're doing, Buffy? I've got important things to do. I don't have time for your … ow… ow… OUCH". Buffy has grabbed Kira's hand, and has squeezed just enough to let her know who's steering the ship at the moment. She drags a protesting Kira out into the garden.

Kira, rubbing her hand, glares at the diminutive slayer. Her face is all frowns.

" Ok, Buffy, you got me out here. Now, this better be damned good, or I'm going to…"

"What? What're you going to do, Kira? Beat me up?" Buffy thrusts out her jaw. " Think you can, Kira?"

" Oh, right, itty-bitty. Start with the threats. "

" Listen, you overweight bean pole, I didn't start the threatening around here. Now shut up, and listen." Buffy walks towards and hops on top of the bench surrounding the fountain in the center of the garden. Now she's looking down on Kira. " What the hell exactly is going on between you and Faith, anyway?"

Kira looks beyond puzzled. "What the hell are you talking about, shrimp-o? There's nothing going on between me and Faith. We told you that, two days ago."

"Yuh- huh. That's what you told me, "Buffy nods affirmation, " Yet, my friend keeps catching you two acting all sweet on each other. So, I'm wondering, exactly what are you two up to, anyway? Oh, and by the way, don't like being made a fool of ! " Buffy glares down at her from her perch.

" Are you nuts, or just insane?" Kira looks at Buffy like both fit. "Faith and I are just friends. I know maybe friendship is a hard concept for you, but it doesn't involve ' acting sweet on each other' . So, either _your _friend is lying, or… well…"

" Don't even go there. She caught you two this morning, in the office, looking pretty damned friendly, " Buffy spits back at her, " so, wanna explain that one?"

" Friendly? What in hell are you babbling about?" Kira looks confused… then the light bulb goes on. " Oh my god… the hug? Do you mean the hug? Oh… did … was… did Willow see that?"

"Well, duh! Yeah, she saw it. She got really upset over it. Looked pretty darn clinchy to her. She's about ready to bolt. And I'm about ready to start knocking heads around. I don't like my friends, or me, being made the butt of a joke!"

Kira starts laughing. Not at Buffy, but at the absurdity of the whole situation. However, Buffy doesn't know that.

" Umm… what the hell is so funny?" Buffy glares at her.

" Huh? Oh, god, no… I'm not laughing at you, or Willow, Buffy…" Kira is still laughing a little bit." No…I'm laughing because it's so absurd. My god, I don't… look, I like Faith. I even love her… like a sister. But not like, in a romantic way. Ok, maybe early on, way back when, there was some interest, but frankly, I don't think of Faith that way. She's really not my type, if you catch my drift."

"Well, who died and made you goddess, huh, Kira? What's wrong with Faith? She's a very attractive woman."

" God, you're an odd duck, Buffy, " Kira laughs, " First you're down here, ready to rip me a new one if I'm messing with Faith. Now you're ready to rip me a knew one for NOT messing with Faith." Kira shakes her head, " Listen, Buffy, Willow got it all wrong. Me and Faith? Never happen. What DID happen is, and I don't know if it was because Faith was tired, or what, but she finally broke down and admitted why she broke with Willow. Or, let's say, I guessed pretty good at what the reason was. She started crying, and I comforted her. That's all."

" Faith, cry? Oh, come on. How dumb do I look, " Buffy says, " I've known Faith for a long time, and I've never seen her cry once. Get pissed, oh you bet. But cry… no way!"

" Buffy, exactly how well do you know Faith? You've never seen anything but the " Tough as nails, never give an inch, never admit anything bothers me" Faith. Isn't that so? But, Faith is human, too, and she can hurt, too. She just doesn't show it very much. Matter of fact, I've never seen her break like she did this morning. I must've hit something really painful inside, because she was crying like she lost her last friend. It was really, really heart wrenching to watch." Kira starts to tear up, thinking about it, " I've never seen that before, believe me."

Buffy sits stunned. The concept of Faith crying is like the sun turning green. It's just beyond belief. But, on the other hand, it's rather humanizing, too. To think that Faith, tough old Faith, could weep, just like the rest. She shakes her head, finding it hard to process.

" So, uhhh… there's no like…" Buffy waves her hand, " going on between you two?"

" No… God, no, Buffy." Kira swears," It's like I told you. I love her like a sister… nothing more."

Buffy's anger has dissipated. All that's left is a feeling of sadness. " God, Kira, what're we gonna do? I mean, about them? They're so obviously crazy about each other, but both are too stubborn and too damned proud to make the first move. It's going to be like pushing rocks through cement to get them together."

" I don't know. I know Faith can be stubborn. Does donkey ring a bell for you? But we got to try, you know? I mean, those two? They're like… two halves of the same whole. They belong together."

" Yeah, well, frankly, Kira. I don't have a clue. I mean, I can keep trying to bring Will around, but … " Buffy sighs, " She's got this idée fixe that you and Faith are an item. Don't even know how I'm gonna get her around that corner."

" Faith's just scared. Scared Willow's going to reject her. She's so fragile in the relationship department, that rejection to her is like death. She just can't deal. Real big trust issues going on there."

"I'm not even sure I should be messing around in here. I mean, me and relationships? Now, there's a joke for you. I've had like 3… no, ok 4 relationships in my time? Every one of them, the guy has left me. Boom. Like, left town left me… know what I mean? Ok, not exactly fair. The last guy died, helping to save the world. Guess I can't really say he left me… but still, when it comes to love? I so suck. Why'm I trying to fix their lives, when I only make a mess of my own. You know what I'm saying?"

Kira nods knowingly. " Well, at least, you didn't turn them gay."

Buffy's head swivels towards Kira. " Huh?"

"I was married for awhile. A short while. He was tall, handsome, really nice dresser… maybe I should've gotten suspicious there. It was ok at first. But then things got … well, strange. He got odd phone calls, he was working late. You know, classic stuff. I finally caught him one day when I came home early. He was in bed with his P.A. … his _MALE_ P.A. It was then he told me that he'd discovered he was gay. Well, needless to say… that kinda ended the marriage." Kira has a rueful half-grin on her face.

" God, Kira… I don't know what to say. That's… that's…"

" Funny?" Kira deadpans… then bursts out laughing. " I can laugh now, " She chuckles, " it hurt pretty bad then. But God, why didn't I get a clue? Had a better fashion sense than I did… really good with colors… and those muscle mags he had around. I mean, he was really into fitness, so I didn't think about it… 'til later."

" Ok. I gotta admit, you beat me, " Buffy's laughing along with her, " Don't think any of my guys went gay."

Kira, relaxing after a nice laugh, pats Buffy on the shoulder," We're a pair, huh? Going to fix their lives, and we're sitting here like a couple bumps without a clue how to fix our own. Well, I can tell you one thing… for now, I'm off men."

"Off men? I mean, ok, I get the embarrassment of your … uhhh… husband… but off men? I mean… what're you gonna do when you get…itchy?"

" Scratch, baby, scratch. I mean, doesn't take a guy to scratch, you know." Kira arches a brow.

Buffy thinks about it a second, gets it, and immediately turns a lovely shade of red. Kira looks at her, amazement on her face.

" C'mon, Buffy… don't tell me you never… scratched before."

" Well, yeah, of course. But I mean… geeze … " Buffy feels her cheeks burning, " I mean, don't you miss the other stuff?"

" The other stuff? You mean like the grunting? Or the farting? Or… when they have the heavy beards, and don't shave before slap and tickle? Or when they don't gargle? Or all the hair? That looks like their wearing a fur coat to bed? No… well…ok… I'm being just a tad bitchy, grant you that. But right now, can really do without it. I got my little… helpers, and that's enough… for now."

" Helpers?" Buffy looks puzzled.

" You know… toys?" Kira gives her a sidelong glance.

" Oh." Buffy goes a little quiet, cheeks a bright cherry color now.

" Oh. My. God." Kira's barely able to keep from laughing, " You don't have any … anything?"

" Uhhh… no." Buffy replies, tiny wee little voice.

" My god… I didn't really believe it, but Faith was right about you!" Kira stares at Buffy like she's some exotic museum exhibit.

" Huh? Faith?" Buffy's brows furrow. " Exactly _what_ did Faith say about me?"

" Oh. Uhhh… nothing, nothing really." Kira realizes she's crossed a line she shouldn't have even gotten close to.

Buffy stands up, walks in front of Kira, and glares down at her. Her mouth's corners have turned down.

" Oh, no. You don't start saying Faith's right about me, then not tell me what Faith said. C'mon, spill it!"

" Uhhh, " Kira stalls, knowing she's messed up, " Uhhh… well, she just said you were kinda… well, wound up too tight, and that you need … " She trails off.

" Oh, please, don't stop now. I gotta know what Dr. Faith figures - I – need ! "

" … oh… god… that someone needs to pull that cork outta you, and give you a really good…" Kira almost whispers the last word " … fuck". She suddenly realizes she hasn't inspected her shoes lately. She looks up surprised when she hears Buffy laughing.

" That's … Faith… for ya…" Buffy gasps out between guffaws, " figures everything can be… cured … with a good fuck." She's holding her stomach, she's laughing so hard.

" You're… you're not angry?" Kira asks.

" Oh, hell no, " Buffy sits down next to Kira, and leans against her. " God, it's not like the first time I've ever heard what Faith thinks I need. I just figured she would've come up with something else by now."

Kira starts laughing, catching it from Buffy, and soon the two of them are sitting there, leaning against each other, laughing like loonies. They're so caught up in it they don't realize they're not alone anymore.

" Hey, what're you two laughing about?" Faith asks, seeing Kira and Buffy nearly rolling on the ground.

They both look at Faith, and start laughing harder. They point at Faith, and nudge each other, and start laughing nearly hysterically. Faith, not at all understanding what's going on, just watches as Buffy and Kira laugh. -_ Oh, crap. Whatever Buffy's got is catching. She's turning Kira into a loon now, too. –_ She shakes her head in wonder at the two of them.

" Hey? Giggle twins? When you're done with your NutsoFest , think you could come in the lobby? Need a little help in here!" Faith, making a dismissive noise, turns and walks back inside.

It takes a while longer, but Kira and Buffy finally get it back under control, getting down to just the occasional giggle now and then. They avoid looking at each other, however, afraid another burst of laughter is likely if they do.

" So.. ummm… what's Faith talking about, needing help? I mean… I'm hoping she doesn't expect me to pick up a hammer and start doing construction. That didn't work out so well last time I tried it."

The two get up, and start for the lobby doors.

" Oh, no… nothing like that. It's just… well, I guess our guests have arrived," Kira says over her shoulder, as she enters the lobby ahead of Buffy.

" Guests?" Buffy replies, confused. –_ Guests? I didn't know Faith had more people coming.­­­-_ Buffy follows Kira into the lobby.

A tall man stands at the lobby entrance, looking around at the construction going on. He's closing fast on 50, but looks younger. He has a full head of hair, though it's beginning to recede somewhat from his temples, and the dark hair is not shot through with some silver. He wears wire rimmed spectacles, and his trademark tweed suit.

It's been awhile since Rupert Giles has stood in the lobby of the Hyperion Hotel. He looks around, noting the changes that have taken place. - _I have to admit, it seems Faith has indeed done a spectacular job renovating the old place. Wonder why the construction, however? Last time I talked with her, she said it was ready to go.- _He steps down from the doorway, and makes his way toward the center of the lobby.

Buffy stands frozen at the doors leading to the garden. - _Giles? What is HE doing here? He's supposed to be back in England, leading the council through some silly bureaucratic nonsense. Why's he here? Did Faith tell him I'm here?- _Buffy eyes him warily. Ever since their falling out during the fight with the First, their relationship, while cordial, had definitely cooled off somewhat. She was no longer the student, eager to learn what knowledge he could impart, nor the surrogate daughter she'd once been. Giles, for his part, had retreated into his normal British reserve. Both had felt that wall that had popped up between them. Both had been unable to find away to get around that barrier.

Giles turns and sees Buffy standing at the garden door, and a small smile pulls at his lips. Despite their… rift… he nonetheless had been very worried when Buffy went AWOL 6 weeks ago. She'd called several times, so he was relieved she was alive, and ok… at least, mostly ok. But he'd spent more than one sleepless night worrying about her.

Buffy for her part, is torn. On the one hand, she has a strong impulse to run over and hug him tightly. She's missed him these past few weeks. She can't help feeling a strong affection for him, they've been through too much together not to. On the other hand, she's still harbors some resentment with his actions during and after the fight with The First. – _He just can't accept that I've grown up. That I make my own decisions now, and that I need some freedom to do so without his 'advice', which strangely sound like lectures.- _So, she stands at the doorway, not moving, unable to decide exactly how to react.

" Buffy, " Giles says, in his usual quiet way.

" Giles," Buffy replies, also softly.

It's then that things take an unexpected turn. Through the Lobby entrance a troop of girls appear, holding a variety of luggage. They look around, and all seem to start talking at once.

" So, is this our new place? I mean, is this the place we're going to live now?"

" Hey, it's not so bad. It's certainly better than that last dump we stayed in."

" I'm wondering, are we going to have to share again? If we have to share again, I'm not sleeping with Angela. I don't care what you all say, that girl sounds like a lumber mill when she snores… "

" Hey, what's going on? What're they building?"

" Is that the slayer? I mean… is that … what's her name? Buffy? Gee never thought I'd actually see her."

" Whoa. I'm tired of hotels, I'm telling you. I thought we were going to get a house this time…"

Buffy sees the girls trooping in, and all sorts of bad associations start up in her mind.

" Oh, no… no, no, no. Not again. Giles, tell me, not again! What the hell is going on around here?" Buffy looks panicked, and she starts to back towards the garden door. " Please, tell me this isn't happening!!!"

But before anyone can say anything, Buffy is out the door, and gone.

Giles, looking worried, starts after her. He's stopped before he can follow her , by Kira.

" What's up. What's gotten into her?" Kira asks, looking bewildered.

" The last time I showed up with a gaggle of girls in tow? We had an apocalypse." Giles says, as he makes his way out the garden door.

Kira, not understanding it at all, stands there, looking puzzled.

* * *

To be continued. 


	19. Part 19

Independence

By Norwalker

Part 19 of

Summary: What did Willow and Faith discuss in that little car trip from L.A. to Sunnydale in season 7? And what were the consequences? A Willow/ Faith story

Rating: R, Very R

Category: romance/drama/angst

Spoilers: Possible season 7 spoilers. Possible season 4 Angel spoilers. C'mon, you must have seen 'em by now!

Time Line: Mid season 7(after the return of Faith) and beyond

Disclaimer: Joss Whedon , Mutant Enemy and Fox own them.

Warnings: Adult themes, violence, sexual situations between members of the same gender. Please be aware, character death is always a distinct possibility. It can happen here, so don't say I didn't warn you!!! Any racist remarks are spoken by the characters, and are in no way shared by the author. This story is not meant for children.

* * *

Willow pushes herself up off the bed, into a sitting position, trying to gain control of her emotions. Wiping her face of tears, she looks around at the room, and sighs. _– Well, Will, I see you've got that control down really good. Boy, wouldn't Giles be proud of how you manage your emotions?- _She hops off the bed, and begins to pick up the scattered clothing, bric-a-brac and furniture she tossed around in her little temper tantrum earlier this morning.

Picking up the suitcase she shoved off the bed when she ran in here earlier, she opens it, planning to start packing her clothes. –_ It's really pointless to hang around here any longer. Don't even know why I stayed overnight, really. Should've just left after that fiasco of a memorial last night. No, couldn't do that. Buffy had gone missing. Yeah, uh-huh, started lying to yourself again, Will? You know you didn't know about Buffy until Faith came up and told you Buffy was AWOL. No, c'mon, at least, be honest with yourself. You were hoping maybe you could talk to Faith, maybe… what am I thinking? Talk to her? That's kinda pointless. She's made a new life for herself, evidently with that tall, come-hither, over pretty model type she works with. God, never knew she was into that type.-_ Willow purses her lips. – _Yuh-huh, and exactly what type did you think Faith would go for, huh, Willow? May your type? You're so the hypocrite. You tell everybody you're over her, you act as if it's all so doesn't matter that she has her own life, a life that doesn't include you, yet you get all petty about her being with someone. I mean, Will, did you really live the nun's life in San Fran? Don't think so. You were out dating… one Jana, as I recall. The only reason you haven't gone to bed with her is the thing about getting too serious. So, how come it's ok for you to date, for you to contemplate going a little further than dating, and it's not ok for Faith?-_

Willow hates that she has to be fair.-_ So how come I gotta be all fair, anyway? Was it fair that she dumped me? Did I ask to be dumped? Did I say, "Gee, Faith, why don't you just drop me and go off and live your own life and get some gorgeous girlfriend and you know, forget about me?"-_ Willow stops and thinks about that thought, and even she realizes exactly how twisted that is._- Jealous much, Will? If you're eyes get any greener, they're gonna glow. Do you think maybe all these tantrums, and all this stupid thinking, might be just jealousy? That you want to see her miserable, and suffering, and pining like mad over you… instead of being all confident and strong and … GAAAH, I can't even stand it, it's so petty, Willow. You're better than this, you know that. Ok, sure, it hurts, but you know what? I think it's time you show her exactly what kind of girl she lost. Go down there, make nice, or peace, or whatever, and let her know you're happy for her, and that you hope she's … well, happy. She may be squiring 'round some model or something, but hey, I'll just show her that I'm cool, I'm together, I don't need anyone to make me strong. Yeah… Yeah! First though, I should go over and tell Buffy. Poor baby, all worried about me, and it's her that needs some support here, you know? Yeah, this is good, this is really good. I'm gonna do it… yeah, gonna do it right now…-_

_-Wait, wait. Get packed first. Gotta get myself ready to go.-_ Willow begins to buzz about the room, picking things up to pack _. - I mean… really, what'm I sticking around here for, anyway? Just so I can see Faith? Why? Pointless. Ex stuff. I mean, really, it's history, right? Damn, but what about Buffy? I mean… I'm really thinking she needs a friend right now. Someone to get her out of her funk. She's acting so not like Buffy.-_ Willow stops moving for a moment.-_ I mean, I just can't leave her to twist in the wind. She needs me. I can't just leave her here alone to face whatever demons she's battling. That'd be wrong. No, no, I better stay, you know?-_ Willow starts grabbing the clothes she put into the suitcases and moves to the dresser to put them away. –_ I mean, Buffy's my best friend. She needs me now, and I gotta be with her, right? No, I gotta stay, that's the thing. I gotta stay for Buffy.- _Willow puts the clothes in the dresser, and turns back towards the suitcase to grab more. She makes it halfway and stops. –_ Wait, my business. I just can't not be there. I've got a business to run. I can't do that from here. Oh, sure, they can handle it for awhile when I'm away, like now… but I can't take months off. I mean, who knows how long this'll take? No, I can't stay. But I can't desert Buffy, either. Goddess, what'm I gonna do?-_ Willow stands, thinking about it for a minute, then a big grin breaks over her face.-_ Well, duh. She comes back to San Francisco with me. Geeze, Will, you're supposed to be smart, why didn't you think about that. Hey, I got that house, plenty of room for two. Yeah, It'll be cool… just like old times back in Sunnydale. The slayer and the witch, together again. Yeah. Not like she'd get too bored, plenty of weirdness in San Fran. And hey, that'll give us a chance to talk, maybe I can suss out what's the what with her, help her find a solution, you know? Be the best friend I'm supposed to be. Yeah, this is good. Oh Will, you're just too good._- Making up her mind, Willow turns back to the dresser to get her stuff to pack.

-_ This is gonna be so good! Yeah, me and Buff, in San Fran. Too cool.-_ Willow makes it to the dresser, then stops. - _Whoa… hold on, Will. What if Buffy doesn't wanna go to San Francisco with you? I mean, she's from L.A., maybe she wants to stay here. Ever think of that? I mean, maybe she wants to be close to where Angel was. Oh, goddess, what about Jana? She's already upset me coming here without her. What'll she think if I bring someone "home". Never mind I told her it wasn't supposed to be serious, never mind that Buffy and I are just friends. It could get so weird. I mean, what she gonna think ? Well, heck. If she wants to be a major poop head about it, let her. I mean, I said time after time, not serious. If she can't deal with me helping my best friend, what does that say about her? I mean, I like her… I like her a lot. But she's just gotta accept that I have friends.. girlfriends… ok, friends that're girls, and there's nothing more to it. I mean, geeze, does she have to be a child about it?-_ Willow stops, half way to the suitcase, and realizes what she's been doing. - _WILLOW, STOP!!! WILLOW, STOP!!! God, you're way beyond over-thinking this. God, just stop! You're way beyond over-thinking this. First thing to do is talk to Buffy. Then talk to Faith, maybe. Then figure this all out. You're making yourself crazy, here. Go talk to Buffy.­ That's the ticket!_- Willow finds herself halfway between the bed and dresser, clutching some clothing she picked up earlier from the floor. She looks at the dresser, then the bed. Then she shrugs, and lets the clothing drop back on the floor. ­–_ I'll deal with this later. Got other more important things to do.­-_ Carefully stepping over the clothing she just dropped, and the other little piles of clothing in the room, she heads towards the door.

Willow crosses the hall, noticing Buffy's door is ajar. Not wanting to just barge in on her, she stops and knocks on the door jamb.

" Hey, Buffy, can we talk?"

No answer. –_ Well, maybe she's napping. She looked a little ragged._

" Buffy?" Willow calls out , not too loudly. –_ No use to wake her if she's sleeping. I mean, we can talk later.-_

Still no reply. Curious, Willow carefully pushes the door open wider.- _Just peek in, be sure she's ok-_ She looks around, but no Buffy in sight.- _Hmmm… wonder where she got to?-_ Willow shrugs. –_ Oh, well, maybe she's downstairs. She couldn't have gotten too far._-

Willow heads for the staircase.

* * *

Giles barrels through the doorway leading to the garden, expecting to have to give chase to Buffy.-_ I really am getting too old to be chasing after young women… alright, Rupert, that truly sounds wrong!!- _

He's more than a little surprised when he nearly trips over Buffy, who's sitting on the garden fountain, staring at the ground. Stopping himself, and panting a little because the adrenaline is still pumping through him, he looks at Buffy, who seems to look a bit lost. And more than a little embarrassed.

" Sorry for the freak out, Giles, " Buffy says, staring at the ground, not really wanting to look at him, " but that scene in there was just a little too déjà vu-ey ."

" I quite understand, Buffy. Though, I promise you, there is no apocalypse coming. At least, none that I've heard of." Breaking through his normal British reserve, Giles reaches down and chucks Buffy under her chin, raising her face to look at him, " are you quite sure you're ok?"

" I think we both know the answer to that one, don't we, Giles?" Buffy grins ruefully at him. " I think it's time, Giles."

" Time?" inquires Giles, not following.

" To fire me from the council? Way past time, actually."

" Buffy! Really, I don't see any need for you to leave the council!"

" Oh, come on, Giles. It's been way past time for a long time. I haven't exactly been contributing there, not in some time."

" Well, I understand, with Angel's passing and all…"

" No, Giles, even before that… you know that. Only reason I've remained as long as I have is because you're on the council. If you weren't there, I would've been booted long before."

" Buffy, that's simply not true!"

" Giles, please. I know you respect me and all, but let's face it. In the intellectual department, I'm not exactly amongst the heavy lifters. Kinda hard to even get in the 5 pound barbell division. And I so suck at politics, and bureaucracy makes me itchy. All kind of saying, " So not Council material." Wouldn't you say? I mean, if it were anyone but me?"

" I'd say that was a rather percipient observation, Buffy… which rather speaks against your own argument. But, I can understand your disenchantment with the council… believe me, I do so heartily understand it" his own tone reflects a certain bitterness." Bloody sodding burkes."

" Giles!" Buffy smiles for the first time, " for you, that's nearly swearing like a sailor." She gently tweaks him.

Giles smiles, a little color coming to his cheeks.

" Let's face it, Giles. We haven't totally failed, I don't think. I mean, we've gotten some reforms passed. But in the over all picture? I'm not making any difference there…"

" Well then, Buffy, what do you plan to do?" Giles asks, gently.

" I don't know, Giles, I … I'll have to find something…" Buffy looks up at Giles, her face reflective, " It used to be simple, Giles. I knew what I was, what my destiny was. No choice, it was what it was. But I had this feeling... of being part of something, a purpose. Now…" She shrugs.

" Do you regret what you did in Sunnydale? Making all the potentials into slayers?" Giles asks

" No, no… it was right. The right thing to do. The rules had to change… it was wrong the way it was, and frankly? No real choice, not if we wanted to defeat the First." Buffy sighs, " but like everything else, there was a cost. This is mine…"

"Buffy, perhaps now is the time to pursue that ' normal life ' you've always wanted," Giles says, "After all, you've earned it."

Buffy chuckles, not at Giles but at circumstance, " I wish, Giles. Thing is, I've seen too much, I know what's out there… I can't just turn my back on it, much as I wish I could. And…"

" And?"

" Angel's death really brought me up short, Giles. I always thought… he'd be here. I hoped that somehow the Shanshu Prophecy would be fulfilled… sometime before I hit 50, since it would look odd me , 50, being with a man 250 years old who looked in his mid 20's… know what I mean? But, there was a hope of a life with Angel, and all the stuff we couldn't have together. Like kids, and picnics, and days at the beach…" Buffy seems to shrink into herself, and she looks down at the hands in her lap. " But he's gone, Giles. Gone. That's never going to happen."

" Buffy…."

" No, Giles… it's ok, I'll deal. It's just left this huge canyon in my heart, you know? And… I feel like I'm drifting…"

" Buffy… what can I do to help?"

" No one can help, Giles. Listening helps, " She looks up, with a crooked grin on her face, " Giles, you know I love you, don't you? That's never changed. Even if I've built this big wall between us… so we've been kind of awkward lately…"

" I know, Buffy. I love you also, " Giles says, " I did my part to build the wall."

" Do you think we could like… build a gate in the wall then? I really could use a hug right now."

Giles smiles, and holds out his arms. Buffy slips into them comfortably. It's not a new place for her, but right now, it certainly feels wonderfully refreshing. They hold the hug for awhile, Buffy leaning her head on Giles' chest. Then she notices a change in Giles, and looks up. She sees him peering over her head, looking inside the hotel lobby.

"What is it, Giles?" Buffy asks.

" There's something going on inside, Buffy."

* * *

Willow hears voices downstairs… a lot of voices.

Curiosity piqued, she looks down to see a crowd of young girls milling around the lobby.-_ What's this about?-_ She begins to descend the stairs, and sees that woman… Kira … standing looking out through the garden doors.-_ Oh, swell, just who I need. Oh, chill Will. At least maybe she'll know what's going on.-_ As she hits mid stairs, she can start to pick out snatches of conversations.

" Well, did you see her bugger out?"

" She did look freaked. What's her deal?"

" Man, she looked like she seen a ghost or something."

" It's these celebrity types. They're always a little spooky, ya know?"

" Excuse me, " Willow calls out. Kira hears her voice and turns around, " Exactly who are you, and what do you want here?"

" Oh, hey. Are you in charge here?" One of the girls calls up.

" Are you Faith?" Another one asks.

" Don't be a nitwit. That's not Faith. Mr. Giles says Faith's a brunette. Does she look like a brunette to you?"

" Well, excuse ME, Ms. Authority!"

" Mr. Giles?" Willow asks, puzzled. " Is Giles here?" Willow looks around, but doesn't see him.

" Actually, I think you girls are looking for me, " Faith, leaning on the reception desk, calls out." I'm Faith. If you'll move your butts over here, we'll get you assigned to rooms." She goes around the desk and pulls out a clipboard.

Kira turns back to looking out the lobby windows.

The girls, relieved to finally have somebody back in charge, gather around the reception desk. That doesn't stop them from all jabbering at once, however, trying to jockey for best rooms, asking questions and complaining in general. Faith at first tries to put up with the general chaos, but finds it nearly impossible to hear herself think, much less get things organized.

" Ok…OK… SHUT UP!" Faith finally yells out. The lobby goes quiet, and Faith smiles." Better. Ok, listen up. You girls are doubling up. This isn't the Hilton, girls, it's school. I've spoken to Mr. Giles, and we've set up room assignments based on that conversation. Don't be bitching about who you're assigned with, for now it sticks. If, later on, you absolutely can't stand each other, we'll see if we can't make some changes, but for now, things are set. Is that clear?"

There is some of the usual grumbling, but it subsides quickly, and Faith continues.

" Ok, then. Now, before we give out the room assignments, we're going to go over the house rules. First of all, there is a definite curfew. 10 pm during the week, Midnight Fridays and Saturdays. No exceptions! If for some reason you're going to be late, call. You've all been given cell phones, so there's no excuse for not calling. Don't make the house proctor come looking for you, or you're going to be in a whole world of hurt. Questions?"

" What happens if you're late?" One of the girls pipes up.

" Well, it's simple. One late, and you're warned. Two, and you're on probation. Three times late during training, and you're going home."

" That's not fair, " Another girl grumbles.

" Fair? Who said anything about fair? This is slayer training. Not private school. Your life depends on your training, and being disciplined enough to follow that training. We don't have time to coddle you, you're lives can and will be on the line. So, everything depends on you being here, and being rested. The training is intense, tough and highly physical. A tired slayer doesn't do us jack. Understood?"

More grumbles.

" Good, ok then. Next. As you know, the actual training facility is located separate from housing. That means you'll all go by bus to training. Training lasts from 9 am to 5 pm, Monday through Friday. The bus will be here at 8 am to pick you up. Breakfast will be served at 7 am. So you can get used to it, some slack will be cut on the first week. After the first week, if you're more than 10 minutes late to breakfast, you'll be training on an empty stomach 'til lunch. So make sure you get up in time to do what you need to do so you're on time. Oh, a tip? Whining won't help, so don't try it, ok? Clear?"

Nods, moans and some chatter signify everything's understood.

Willow turns away. Despite what's happened, and how she's feeling, she can't help the small smile that's on her face. The irony is just too delicious. – _Is this the same Faith that was a rebel? The girl didn't know rules, didn't _want_ to know them, and resented it if you tried to introduce her to them? Man, things have changed in a year.-_ Willow sighs, -_ Changed too much. I wouldn't take away what she has now; she's confident, she believes in herself… I love seeing that in her. But I'd change that night at my Grammy's house. Why didn't I just see?-_ Looking up, Willow notices that Kira is staring out the windows to the garden. ­–_ What's up. Why's she so focused on what's going on out there? Why isn't Ms. Perfect with her honey, helping out with the girls?-_ Curious, Willow walks over to where Kira is , and sees Giles and Buffy in the garden, talking. Well, actually, it's Buffy that appears to be talking; Giles is standing, listening. Moving past Kira, Willow starts towards the door, when a hand reaches out to restrain her.

" Don't," Kira says, quietly, " I think they need some time."

Willow turns around, frowning. " Get your hand off me, please, " She says, shaking Kira off.

" Look, I know why you're angry at me, ok?"

" Well, isn't that special?" Willow replies, her voice dripping acid. " I can see why Faith likes you. You're just right on top of it, aren't you?"

" It's not what you think…"

" Oh, you know what I think now? Gee, good talent, mind reading. Been doing it long?"

Kira feels the impulse to reach out and slap Willow, but lets it slide, " Buffy came down to tear me a new one, when she was convinced by _someone_ that Faith and I were … well, more than friends. Got any ideas who that might be?"

" Hey, I didn't ask her to. Frankly I didn't want her to. Less I have to think about you, the better."

" She's very loyal to you. You're lucky, you know, " Kira looks out to where Buffy and Giles are talking.

" Yeah, well, that's what friends do. Sorry if in your limited experience you don't know that. Maybe because you don't have any friends?"

" Faith is my friend."

" Oh, yeah, you two were getting real friendly, I know," Willow smirks.

" What is your problem, anyway? Yeah, we're friendly. Friends, remember? Buffy told me you saw us hug. So? I was comforting her…"

" I bet you were."

Kira, seeing it's pointless talking to Willow, diverts the subject, " You're friend is… in trouble, isn't she." She nods towards the garden. " She really lost it when Mr. Giles came in with the girls. But even before that, she's been acting… weird."

" What business is that of yours, anyway? What do you care? She's my friend, not yours." Willow has moved in front of her, as if the block her off.

" I'd like to be her friend, Willow. I'd like to be your friend, if you'd let me."

Willow sizes her up. " You're good, you're real good, " Willow's tone is slightly bitter, " sure, you can be her friend. Why not? You can afford to be generous, right? You've got Faith, right? Now you want to be Buffy's 'friend' too. Sure, why not take _her_ from me too?"

Kira tilts her head, staring at Willow. " That's what this is all about, isn't it? You think I've 'taken' Faith from you. If that wasn't so utterly stupid, I might almost laugh. I didn't take Faith from you, you moron. Faith doesn't look at me that way, and I don't want Faith that way. Oh, and a tip? I can't 'take' something from you when you don't have it!"

" Do you think I'm blind, or stupid? I saw you this morning, touching her, holding her. You can call it anything you want, but it sure looked pretty cozy to me!"

" Do you want to know why I was holding her?" Kira feels her temper rising, and her voice with it, but she's beyond caring." Over you, you nitwit. She was grieving, again, over you!!! She scared, but you never even wanted to know that, did you? She's so scared of losing you, it's tearing her apart. But do you care? I really gotta wonder!"

" Losing me?" Willow feels her own temper rising," For god's sake, maybe she didn't tell you, but she dumped ME, Kira, not the other way around. She walked away from me! I didn't want that!!!"

" Did you even bother to find out why? Did you?"

" She told me a b.s. story about not wanting to hurt me. Oh, and dumping me didn't hurt?" Willow turns away, " Oh yeah, I know she's part demon. I know that. But did she even give me a chance? No. Just walked away. I'm sorry, but that doesn't wash."

" You don't have a clue, do you?" Kira turns Willow back around, " You don't get it, do you?"

" What… what the hell are you talking about?"

" Why she really … god, you're so dense, it's unbelievable. But I guess I shouldn't expect more. I mean, you're so damned selfish and self-involved, why should I think you'd see beyond your own feelings, and try to understand why Faith left you."

" Ok, I'll repeat. What the hell are you talking about?"

" Don't you think Faith talks to me? I'm her friend, whether you want to believe it or not. We talk, a lot. Remember that night, that night she killed that thing that was her father, remember that night at all, Ms. Rosenberg. Do you? DO YOU?"

" How can I forget it?" Willow hisses, " I was there. I saw it."

" Yeah, and do you remember your reaction? Because, Faith does."

" I was scared, yeah… I ran out… I didn't know what to think…"

" Did you think maybe Faith didn't notice? Maybe she just blanked out? She saw fear and revulsion on your face, in your eyes. And you left her there, alone, to deal. Remember that? Did you know why you were there? Because her … that monster… had you there. He wanted you to do exactly what you did. He set it up, to show Faith that she was a monster. That no one could believe her, love her. and you… you did exactly what he wanted, as if you had a script. You didn't think to believe in Faith, to trust her. No, you thought she was some kind of killer. Not like you're exactly powerless, is it Willow? Not from what Faith tells me. You could've stopped her if she acted crazy. But you didn't even give her a chance, did you? You ran out on her. After having a lifetime of people run out on her, throw her away, how do you think that made her feel? But you didn't think of that, did you?"

" No… I panicked, ok, I'm human" Willow says, defensively.

" I'm glad you remember that… too bad you didn't think to remember that about Faith. She knows you were scared, but she was scared too. She saw you run away, afraid of her. She dealt with what she'd done, but when you didn't come back… she knew she'd lost you. No matter what, it'd always be there. That fear, that doubt. That revulsion."

" But I figured it out, I did come back, but she was gone…" Willow says, " I looked for her, I even went to her grandmother's house, looking for her. But I didn't find her!"

" You looked for her? How hard? You're a witch, right? Pretty powerful, right? Isn't there some kind of spell or something you could've done to locate her, if you really wanted to?"

" Yes," Willow says, softly.

" But you didn't think to do that, did you? Because, I really don't think you wanted to find her."

" That's just stupid!"

" Is it? I don't think so. Why did you wait for Faith to come to you, then? If you really wanted to find her? Why didn't you try to locate her? Let her know that you loved her? Don't you think she maybe needed that?"

" Henry… her grandfather, he said… she needed time alone." Willow says, realizing how lame that sounds as it leaves her mouth.

" And you bought that. But it fits. Do you want to know why?"

" No, I really don't want to know why. Because I don't think you've got a clue."

" Too bad, going to tell you anyway. I think you like being the 'tragic victim'."

"What the hell are you talking about?" Willow's voice goes up an octave.

" Faith told me about your last girlfriend… I can't remember her name…"

" Tara." Willow says quietly.

" Yes, Tara. I know how she died. How awful it was, and I'm sorry, " Kira says softly, but then her voice rises, " but you're using her as an excuse. You don't want to open up, so you shove anyone that tries to get too close away. Look at Kennedy. She got too close, and you dropped her for Faith. When Faith got too close, you let her dump you. And now you're the ' tragic victim' again. You don't have to deal, because everybody knows you're 'suffering'."

" You don't know anything about it!" Willow yells at her, " You're full of shit!"

"Am I, really? Then what's the deal? Why'd you give up on her way before she left you, Willow? WHY?"

" I didn't! I DIDN'T!!!"

" Then why didn't you try to find her, let her know you loved her, no matter what? WHY?"

" Leave me alone, just leave me the hell alone!" Willow tries to get away, but Kira blocks her. " Get out of my way!"

" No. Not until you give me the truth… or did I hit it? Is that it, Willow? Is it? Everyone thinks of you as ' Poor Willow, never gets a break. Always the poor victim.' "

" GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY WAY!" Willow screams, raising her hands to start a spell.

" No… not until you tell me… why? Why did you let her go?"

" BECAUSE I CAN'T WATCH HER DIE!!!! NOT LIKE TARA!!!! I CAN'T LET HER DIE! NOT BECAUSE OF ME!! IF SHE DIED,IT'D BE MY FAULT, JUST LIKE TARA. I CAN'T DO IT. I CAN'T. IF SHE DIED… if she died…I …I'd want to kill again, I'd go evil again… no coming back … no coming back… I can't let her die… not because me … no, not again… not again…"

Suddenly Willow remembers they're not alone. The entire place is quiet, looking at her and Kira. Faith is by the reception desk, her mouth hung open. Willow, wrecked, embarrassed, runs up the stairs, trying to get away. Kira starts after her.

" No, leave her alone!" Faith calls out. It's not a request

" She needs…"

" You've done enough, Kira. Leave her alone!" Faith barks. She moves to the staircase, and says more quietly, "Get down here, I need you to finish this."

Kira comes downstairs, crossing Faith's path as she does.

" I'm sorry… I'm really sorry, " Kira says, remorsefully

" Never mind. Just get the room assignments done. I'll take care of this." Faith starts up the stairs.

-_ God, If I only had a clue as to how-_

_

* * *

_

"What's going on in here?" Rupert Giles asks as he and Buffy re-enter the lobby.

The baby slayers are gathered around the reception desk and Kira behind it, handing out room assignments. But that seems to be the secondary activity to the hum and buzz going on.

" Oh, Mr. Giles. It was something" one of the baby slayers calls out to Giles, " They had a heck of a fight, and then the red headed woman took off up the stairs. Faith followed her up, trying to catch her I think."

" Fight? Faith and Willow had a fight?" Buffy asks, moving towards the stairs.

" No, not Faith and … Willow?…. her and Willow !" The slayer to be points at Kira.

" Yeah, they were fighting about Faith and Willow though, I think. And some third woman… Tara? Was that the name?"

" I think so, yes, that's it" the first one says.

-_ Tara?! Oh, god, that's like rubbing salt in the wound. Why the hell did she…?_-

" Tara? You brought up Tara? To Will? Why would you do that? Do you even KNOW Tara, Kira?"

" I didn't bring her up… well, not really. I just …" Kira trails off.

" Not really? How… not really?" Buffy barks.

" I was just trying to get her to admit that she was … well, she held some fault in the … I didn't mean…" Kira stumbles over her words, seeing the look on Buffy's face.

" Held fault in what?" Buffy's voice is low… dangerously low.

" In her and Faith's break up … that she used Tara's death as an excuse to …" But that's as far as she gets. There's a sharp cracking sound. Everybody looks, and Buffy is holding what's left of the rounded top of the first stile on the staircase. The rest of it is in pieces.

" You. utter. moron." Buffy growls at Kira. " Do you have any idea… how much of an idiot you are?"

" Buffy!" Giles calls out.

" No, Giles, don't even try to defend her. She wasn't there when it came down. You were there, remember? You nearly died… " Buffy turns to Kira, a look of angry disgust on her face. " Do you even know what happened? That Willow as in the room when Tara was shot? Right in front of her eyes? Did you know she was splattered with her dying lover's blood? The woman she loved so much…. but you wouldn't know jack about that, would you, KIRA? "

Kira blanches, and her eyes go wide. She flinches for a minute when it looks like Buffy's going to throw the remaining piece of the stile at her head, but at the last second Buffy throws it at the wall, putting a hole in it.

" Buffy, for God's sake, calm down!" Giles tries to come to her, but she puts her hand up.

" I'm not going to hurt her, Giles." Buffy turns to Kira, " I don't kill humans. Lucky you. Maybe next time you'll think before you open your goddamn mouth." With that, Buffy runs up the stairs.

" What the hell is her problem, anyway?" A scared, and therefore somewhat belligerent Kira asks.

" Her problem, Kira, is that Buffy has this funny habit of protecting those she cares about. Willow is like a sister to her, and you did something to hurt her. Not intentionally, I know… but to Buffy, that doesn't always make a difference." Giles comes behind the counter, and helps Kira pass out the room assignments. With the buzz going on, and the excitement, it takes awhile, but finally the lobby is cleared out. He turns to Kira, and speaks. "Exactly what do you know about Willow, Kira?" he asks gently.

" Not a lot, really. Just what Faith says about her. She talks all the time about her, but not really much about her past. I did get that she was a powerful witch, and that her lover, before Faith, had been killed by accident, by a stray bullet. That she… well, she broken up about it… but not really much more than that."

" Did you know that two years ago, she came within inches of destroying the world?" Giles asks, quietly.

" What? I… oh my god, Mr. Giles, what're you talking about?"

Giles patiently explains what happened to Willow in the aftermath of Tara's death. How she ' went to a place of rage and pain and vengeance', and literally absorbed the dark art's books, how her power corrupted her, and how she killed Warren, and how she nearly killed her friends, himself included. How her pain was so great, so consuming, she nearly destroyed the world. Kira shakes her head, finding this all hard to process. She looks up the stairs, then back at Giles.

" I … I had no idea… " Kira looks humbled.

" I know, Kira. You meant well," Giles reassures her, " but magic to Willow is like a drug. She's been recovering for over 2 years, and she's … still hurting, some. Certain things … still bring up the bad memories for her. Tara is one." Giles looks at Kira sympathetically, " You were just trying to help Faith. I know that… Buffy will too, once she calms down."

" She's something, isn't she?" Kira asks, then clarifies, " Buffy, I mean. She'll fool you. She's kind of … peculiar." Kira's brow furrows.

" She is something," Giles agrees. " Though, I think I prefer special."

* * *

Willow sits quietly on her bed, staring at the floor. There are no tears in her eyes; she's not crying. She's more in the shock that happens when you're forced to face a fundamental truth about yourself. A truth that isn't reassuring or pleasant.

She spent a long time trying to find answers to why she and Faith broke up. She blamed Faith, since on the surface, it was Faith that left her. But how much responsibility belonged to her? Because much as she hated to admit it, Kira was right. She could've… should've… done more to find Faith, to reassure her that she loved her, that it was alright. Why hadn't she? Why had she just gone passive, waiting for Faith to come and decide their life together, or as it went, not together?

Because she was guilty of the very thing she blamed Faith for: she was afraid of getting to close, becoming too involved with Faith, or anyone. Because she still blamed herself for Tara's death, and wouldn't allow herself to even get close to it happening again. She was the coward she blamed of being. She helped torpedo their relationship , sharing at least equal blame with Faith. The difference being, Faith had accepted responsibility for it coming apart, she hadn't. She didn't like what that implied about her.

-_ Even if Faith hadn't broken it off, how long would it have lasted? I mean, before I managed to let my fears sabotage it? There I was, always screaming at her, " Trust me, trust me!" But was I trusting her? I hate this, really hate this, because I hurt her… I really did… and shit…-_

She breaks off that line of thought, because it really is just self defeating. It's already fait accompli, no matter how much she blames herself. The questions she has to ask herself are:

Can you make it right?

What do you want? Really want?

Can you finally face your fears, and get past them?

Does it really matter, because, will Faith really ever want you back, anyway?

That last is the hardest. –_ It may be too late. Too much time, too much distance, may have killed whatever we once had. At least for her. After what I did, I can't expect her to really trust me, can I? Much less, forgive me, or want me. How can I be so damned stupid, anyway? I'm smarter than that. I'm supposed to be the smart one. But hey, when it comes to the important stuff, the stuff that make life worth living, I'm a total 'tard. Mega Moron. Incredible idiot. And, hey, this is really helping, too, isn't it? Beating the dead horse?-_

Willow gets up, and opens her suitcase.-_Time to pack, and get out of here. Can't think here, can't really be here anymore_-. Watching Faith, knowing what she does, knowing that chances are, somewhere around nil, it's more torture than she can really handle.- _Maybe at least I've learned something. Maybe, if someday I get a chance to be with someone again, I won't fuck it up again.-_ Willow crosses to the dresser to get her clothing when she hears a light knock at her door.

" Go away, please. I really don't feel like talking to anyone."

Faith stands staring at the door. –_ Now what? Brilliant, Faith. Come up here, without a clue of what to say. Totally brilliant.-_ She starts to knock again, but realizes it'll be futile unless she speaks up. That's what's killing her… trying to find the courage to actually say what's in her heart. To open herself up, to show Willow that she's willing to risk it. –_ Maybe if she sees I'll put it on the line, she'll try too. Maybe. Damn. Ah, fuck this. Stupid idea, anyway.-_ She starts to turn away, when it hits her. –_ Do you really want to live your life without her? Cuz, if you let her go now, it's over. It's really over. Is that what you want, Faith? Can you live with that?-_ Faith knows the answer to that one. She turns back to the door, and calls out.

" C'mon, Red, we gotta talk. We gotta talk about this."

There's a long pause. So long in fact, that Faith figures that Willow isn't going to reply. She's ready to turn away again, when the door opens, and Willow is standing there, looking at her. She doesn't look happy to see her.

"What's the point, Faith? What's to talk about?"

" For one thing, that Kira was way outta line. She never should've said those things to you."

" Kira was right, Faith. I didn't do everything I could to find you. I didn't try as hard as I should've, not nearly as hard. Oh, and … I'm scared, Faith, scared to love you… or anybody."

" And you think you're the only scared one in this hallway, Red? You think I'm not scared? The way you looked at me that night was like a knife to my heart. I saw fear and revulsion in your eyes. I'm…no… I'm not saying it wasn't right for you to feel that way. Not after what you saw. But it didn't make it any better… and when you didn't come back, I was afraid you hated me. I… I couldn't face you . That's why I didn't wait longer. I …"

"Stop, don't, " Willow puts her fingers to Faith's lips. " Don't do this to yourself. You didn't fail me that night, I failed you. I should've believed in you, gave you the benefit of the doubt, no matter. But I didn't…." Willow retracts her hand. " I can't stand here Faith. It hurts too much to stand here. I can't look at you in the eyes. I'm so ashamed of myself. What I've done to you…" She trails off, and starts to close the door. Faith puts her foot in the door.

" That's it? You're giving up? You don't want to try? It's over?" Faith's voice cracks.

" Faith, please… don't make this harder than it already is. I don't know if I can try. I don't know… and I can't hurt you again, not again. Please, don't ask me to." Willow looks at the floor, not able to meet Faith's gaze. " how can you even stand to be near me? I let you down so badly, I let you take all the blame. How can …" she shakes her head "… please, just go."

" Not until you say it."

" Say what, Faith? What do you want me to say?" Willow is nearly pleading with her.

" Look at me, look me in the eye, and tell me you don't love me."

" I don't. I don't love you," Willow says, looking at the floor.

" NO! In the eye. Look me in the eyes and say it." Faith reaches out, grabs Willow's chin, and pulls her head up.

" Ow! Dammit… ok…I don't…. I don't… oh shit…" Willow starts to cry. " not now, I don't want to cry now." But the tears won't listen to her.

" Tell me"

" Let go of me, dammit. Goddamn you Faith, let go of me!" Willow struggles to loosen Faith's grip, but Faith won't let go. " Ok, ok, DAMMIT I LOVE YOU HAPPY NOW?" She shoves Faith hard, and slams the door on her.

Faith hears Willow slide down the door, her muffled sobs coming through the door. She crouches down, leaning against the door.

" I love you too, Red. I don't want to. I try not to. I try to get you out of my mind, my thoughts. But I can't do it. I haven't been able to do it." Faith rubs her hand against the door, as if trying to touch Willow through the wood. " My heart won't let go of you. I'm sorry."

Faith hears Willow through the door. Her sobs are keening, as if her very breath were burning her, as if her heart were breaking into pieces. Faith feels her own eyes tearing up, her tears starting to fall.

" I… I … can't love…you… like I… want to… love you, Faith…I'm sooo … scared… I …it …hurts so much…"

Faith tries to control herself, keep herself calm. It almost works.

" Please, baby, please… just open the door… just let me in." Faith's voice betrays her, cracking at the end.

" Don't… pleeeaaaseee don't do this, Faith. Just go, please."

" I won't hurt you, baby," Faith nearly whispers it at the door, " just let me in."

Faith nearly falls into the room when the door opens. Like Faith, Willow is kneeling by the door, her face wet with tears.

" You will, I know you will. You'll hurt me. You'll leave me, just like Tara left me. You'll go, and I'll be alone… all alone… all alone…"

Faith pulls her into her arms, laying Willow's head on her chest. She holds her, gently stroking her hair.

" Shhh, shhh… it's ok, I'm here, I'm here" Faith softly croons to her, holding the broken woman in her arms.

From the shadows, Buffy bites her lip to keep from crying. She watches as Faith holds Willow, soothing her. She feels the tears flowing down her face, a combination of sad and happy tears.

-_ And so, once again, Buffy rides to the rescue,- _she thinks to herself. Quietly, she turns to the stairs, to leave them the privacy they need. _Useless again, huh, Buffy? You really were needed here, weren't you?-_ She reaches the stairs, and sees Kira and Giles in serious conversation. She's never felt more isolated in her life.-_ I need a drink. No, I need lots of drinks.-_

She starts downstairs, each step seeming to sink her deeper and deeper in her funk. She hits ground level, and Giles and Kira look at her, expectantly.

" What're you looking at me for? I mean, it's Kira that's on top of it. You were right, Kira. Good job, really good job" Buffy tries to hide the bitter tone in her voice, " Great you could figure out my best friend better than me. Really great, Kira. Yeah, great." She shrugs," Well, another happy ending, huh? Me? I'm outta here!" Buffy starts to walk toward the lobby entrance.

" What happened?" Kira calls out.

" They're upstairs making nice, don't ya know?" Buffy says over her shoulder.

" Where you going?" Giles asks, worried about Buffy's attitude.

" Out!"

" Where?" Kira puts in.

" Anywhere but here!"

Before anymore questions can be put to her, Buffy is out the door.

* * *

A while later, Faith and Willow walk downstairs. They're not arm in arm, or anything. Nothing seems changed, except they're walking side by side, and their fingers, while not interlaced, touch now and then, as if they need the contact to face what's coming. They're not all smiles and giggles and puppies, but the black clouds seem to have at least for now receded.

" So, what does this mean?" Kira asks, quickly smiling.

" It doesn't 'mean' anything, Kira, " Faith says. She sees Kira's disappointment. " It means, for now, we're going to stop hurting each other. Too soon for anything else, Kira."

"Good, well, that's good, right?" Kira says, not regaining her smile, " I mean, that's a start, right?"

" Yeah, " Faith says, her tone suspicious. She looks at Kira, then Giles. Her brow furrows. " Ok, why the grimmage?"

" Nothing, nothing, " Giles puts in, quickly. Too quickly.

" Uh-huh, and I just fell off that beet truck last week. What's the what?"

Willow looks around the lobby. " Where's Buffy?"

Kira and Giles look at each other, then face forward, tight lipped.

" Buffy," Faith's face becomes grim, also. And tight lipped.

" She's out… she went out, " Kira says, trying to cover. Just a beat or so too late.

" What happened?" Faith's voice is low and calm, belying the churning she feels in her tummy.

" Nothing… really, nothing, " Kira says, " She was upstairs, then she came down, and went out."

" Upstairs?" Willow says, surprised. She looks at Faith, who shrugs. " We didn't see her up there."

" She went up all full of fire and stuff, right after…" Kira turns away, blushing.

" After?" Faith queries, beginning really not to like this.

" After Kira's tussle with Willow… after she learned about it, anyway" Giles puts in.

" But she… we… I don't get it. Why didn't we…?" Willow looks confused.

" She must've hid back in the shadows, watching," Faith figures it out. Despite herself, her mouth struggles with a grin, " She must've been rushing up to protect you from the big bad me, Red."

" Then she saw what happened…" Willow starts.

" And realized she was … not needed, " Kira finishes.

Faith sighs loudly. " Not good."

" Where'd she go?" Willow asks.

" She wouldn't say, " Giles replies, " but she didn't sound like herself."

" What did she say, exactly?" Willow asks.

" Just that she said you two were making nice, and that she was going out, " Kira replies.

" No, exactly… what did she say?" Willow repeats.

" She said something weird…what was it Giles? Oh… yeah… anywhere but here."

Willow frowns.

"What?" Faith asks, seeing Willow's expression.

" Back in Sunnydale, when thing's got bad, we used to play a game called " Anywhere but here." We'd pretend we were somewhere else, our dream place, with our dream person. It helped take the edge off, sometimes, let us blow off steam without actually…" Willow pauses, " … but somehow, I don't think she's going to play that game. I think she's going somewhere to blow off some steam."

" That's good, though, right?" Kira says, hopefully, " I mean, she'll blow off some steam, come back feeling better?"

" Ever see a slayer blow off steam?" Faith asks, knowing the answer, " It might not be pretty."

" Any ideas where she might go?" Willow asks, " Maybe I should do a locator spell." She starts towards the stairs to get supplies.

" I think I might know." Kira says, grabbing her purse. " I'll get her." She exchanges a look with Faith.

" Uh, excuse me? You figure you can handle Buffy?" Faith looks at her friend with doubtfully. " I'll get her."

" No," Kira stops Faith by grabbing her arm. " I made the mess, I'll clean it up. Anyway, don't you have other things to … take care of?" She nods significantly in Willow's general direction.

" Kira, there's no way you can handle Buffy alone, " Faith says, shaking her off.

" She hasn't been gone that long. She can't be that… I'll scout her out, talk to her." She reaches in her phone, producing her cell. " If I can't handle it, I'll call you, ok?"

" I'll go with her," Giles says, moving around the desk.

" No!" All three chime in at once.

Giles looks hurt. Willow goes to him, patting his arm. " Trust me Giles, it…it'll go better if you're not there, ok?"

" Kira, stay here with Willow, I won't be long." Faith starts towards the lobby exit, but Kira runs and blocks her.

" Please, Faith. Please. Let me do this, ok?" She's almost pleading with Faith. " I promise, I won't mess it up."

" Kira, you can't…" she sees the look in Kira's eyes.- _Damn-_ . She looks at the other two, who are shaking their heads ' No, no, don't do this.' But Kira is a friend, and … she relents." Ok, but any trouble… ANY trouble, and you call me… got it?" Kira nods, and slips out quickly before Faith can come to her senses.

" Faith, what're you doing?" Giles demands, " Kira isn't equipped to handle Buffy if she's… belligerent."

" Faith?" Willow looks questioningly at Faith.

" I … had to let her try." Faith says, " I know that look she had. " Faith walks back towards the reception desk.

" What look, Faith?" Giles asks

" The look saying I need to fix this, to make amends."

* * *

Kira notices two things as she approaches the club.

It's loud. And it's busy. There's a line at the door, a bouncer with a rope keeping them out until there's room inside. She quickly scans the line, and seeing that Buffy isn't in it, she makes her way towards the bouncer.

" HEY," Kira shouts, trying to be heard over the music coming out of the door. " Did you see a girl go in here this evening?"

" I've seen lots of girls go in here this evening," The bouncer says, bored.

" She's kinda short… blonde, sorta pretty, sorta crazy?"

"Well, that describes about half of them."

"Damn," Kira mutters, and digs in her purse. She knows she has that picture somewhere. She finds it, a Polaroid of herself, Faith and Buffy they took at this club a few nights ago when they came for a drink… and got a little tanked.

" This girl, " Kira says, pointing at Buffy, who's in center, " Did she come in tonight?"

The bouncer looks at the picture, and nods, " Oh yeah, but you got it wrong. She's a lot crazy." He smiles.

" What do you mean?"

" She gave me 50 bucks to cut in line."

"Really? Must be your lucky night, " Kira fishes in her purse, and pulls out some twenties. " Let me in."

"What's the deal?" The bouncer asks, seeing 80 dollars stuffed in his fist.

" The deal is? I want to get in."

"Whatever," he shrugs, lifting the rope to let her pass. A chorus of protests and groans go up. " Shut UP!" he yells, as Kira passes through and into the club.

-_Crazy rich broads. Gotta love 'em-_

Kira enters the club, and the heat and noise hits her like a wall. The place is packed. The bar looks to be three deep, and the dance floor should be called the sardine floor, the dancers are so tightly jammed. The band is playing so loud, the walls seem to be shaking( or is that the dancers just slamming against them? ). Kira sighs, realizing this isn't going to be easy.

She surveys the club, and notices a particularly large knot of dancers on one side, all seeming to be crowded around one person. Playing a hunch, Kira weaves her way through the crowd towards that group.

Buffy's having a blast. Tequila shooter in each hand, she's balancing them while shaking it down for the wall of people around her. She downs one, and then wriggles up to a particularly fine looking wall of beef, shaking her self up against him, doing a dance so hot the floor's sweating. She grins up at him, and when he makes to grab her, she slips off, shaking a ' no, no, no' finger at him, blowing a kiss, and moving to the next hunk o' beef. Catcalls, whistles and shouts encourage her on, and she downs the other shot, wiggling her fanny into the next lucky 'cake.

She dance awhile, shimmying and shaking, getting her target all hot and bothered, and moving off. She teases and pleases, and then looks questioningly at the shot glasses in her hand.

" Oh, oh, Buffy's dry. Who's gonna be a sweetie and refill?" She smiles at the crowd of men, and before she can blink, two more shooters are in her hands. Laughing, she downs one, and begins her little dance. She's moving around, getting the testosterone levels rising off the charts when a hand reaches out and grabs her.

" Hey! No touchy the merchandise, unless it gives permission!" Buffy shouts.

" C'mon, Buffy, we're going home!" Kira says, pulling on the diminutive slayer.

" Oh, poop!" Buffy pouts, " Mommy's here. Drag!"

" Let's go home, Buffy, " Kira says, trying to pull Buffy out of the ring formed around her.

" Uh- uh. Buffy wants to dance!" She shouts, to cheers from her spectators. " YEAH!" another shout goes up. " C'mon mommy, dance with me!" Before she can dig in, Kira's pulled into the center of the circle. Buffy drops her hand, and Kira turns to make her escape, only to find herself surrounded by a solid wall of bodies.- _Aw, crap!-_ She thinks, knowing she's not getting out of here.

A new song starts, and all of a sudden Buffy grabs her, starting to dance with her. But the dance Buffy's doing makes dirty dancing look like Sunday school. There isn't one square inch of Kira that Buffy doesn't manage to rub up against. Kira, nervous, already dizzy from the heat of the bodies and feeling somewhat sweaty( and tingly?), is frozen like a stick, while Buffy nearly slithers into her clothing. Kira feels dizzy, but tries to remain calm and dignified.

"What's wrong, baby? Why so stiff?" Buffy shimmies up to Kira, rubbing herself against Kira, reaching around to grab her butt. Kira squeals. " Oh, what's the matter? Lose your corkscrew? Not able to adjust that cork in your butt?" Buffy shouts the last, the crowd laughing. " Don't worry, Buffy knows what you need. A drink." She raises her hand and snaps her fingers, and a shot appears in her hand.

" I don't want a drink, Buffy, " Kira hisses, " I want to go home… and you with me!"

" Ooo, baby, " Buffy purrs, rubbing her chest against Kira, " I didn't know you cared!" Buffy shoves the drink at Kira's lips. Kira keeps her mouth firmly closed." C'mon, Kira, open up. Drink it down"

"I.don't. want.a.drink." Kira says, between tight lips.

"What's wrong?" Buffy glares at her, " You too good to drink with me, you uptight anal retentive bitch?"

"No…not at…" Kira forgets herself, and opens her mouth to reply. Buffy upends the shot, pouring the fiery liquid into Kira's mouth without warning. Part of it runs out her mouth, but Kira reflexively gulps, and the rest goes down, burning .

She coughs and chokes a little, eyes tearing up. " Damn you, you nearly choked me."

"Ahhh… poor baby, " Buffy giggles, " I think you need another drink!" She raises her hand, and another shot appears.

" No…no more!" Kira says, closing her mouth. But Buffy pinches her nostrils closed. Kira holds her breath as long as she can, but a girl's gotta breathe. She gasps, and another shot is poured down her throat. She coughs and gags, but it's not as bad this time.

" There, that's better. Let's dance!" Buffy says. She grabs Kira around the waist, and starts to move with her, her body making sweet rhythm against Kira.

Kira still resists her, not cooperating with Buffy's antics.-_ I gotta get her outta here. This is nuts. How'd she get so plastered so quick?-_ Kira again tries to pull Buffy away, but Buffy just hauls her back in, dancing against her.

" C'mon, Kira, loosen up just a little, 'K?" Buffy actually sounds sincere, " Look, just have one more drink, and dance a little with me, and I'll go nice like, ok?" She turns on the charm full blast.

" Ok… one drink, one dance, and we're gone, right?" Kira bargains.- _Maybe this won't be so bad, after all.-_

" Sure, Kira, that's what I said, right?" Buffy smile sweetly. She holds up her hand… yeah, you know. She offers the drink to Kira. " C'mon, now don't make me pour it down your throat again, ok?"

Kira looks reluctantly at the shot glass, and remembers her recent experience with the flaming liquid. – _Better I control it, at least-_ . She accepts the shot from Buffy, and tosses it back in one. The crowd shows its appreciation. The liquid goes down, still fiery, but a lot smoother now.-_ Hmmm… that's not so bad!-_

Kira doesn't know if it's the heat, or the alcohol, or the fact she didn't have lunch, but she's getting a little dizzy. And really warm. Never mind Buffy is rubbing up against her. That's just giving her major tingles. Whatever the deal, she begins to loosen up, and starts to really dance with Buffy. The crowd blurs out around her, and all she sees is Buffy. They dance something between a tango and dirty dancing, and the floor, which previously was just sweating, is now beginning to melt beneath them. To say their dance is hot, is like saying a blast furnace is kind of warm.

After that, Kira no longer needs 'encouragement'. Both their hands go up, and are immediately filled with shooters. They separate, and being doing the shimmy-shimmy rub- rub against the crowd surrounding them. The beef has been filled in with some cheesecake, and the little circle is getting really , really steamy. They are giggling and laughing, having a sweet, sweet time of it.

All good things must end, however, and after awhile, both girls begin to flag. Buffy grabs Kira's hand, and starts to lead her out of the crowd.

"Where we goin'? Kira protests, tugging back on Buffy. Even though she's feeling pretty tired, she's having a lot of fun, and doesn't want to end it.

" Don't sweat it, baby, " Buffy, the drunker of the two, but holding it better, leads her out," We're so not leaving. Just wanna sit my tired butt down for awhile."

" 'k" Kira responds, alcohol making her all docile now, " that was… hot!" She giggles.

" Yeah, it was pretty cool, " Buffy agrees, " You're not half bad once you loosen up a little."

" Hey, I was doin' great out there!" Kira exclaims, " I was pretty damned hot, girlfriend!"

" Oh, yeah, you were a blowtorch, Ms. Hottie, " Buffy giggles, giving Kira's hand a squeeze.

Buffy leads Kira to the bar.

" I thought we were gonna get a table," Kira complains.

"We are, we are. Just getting refreshments. I'm thinking… something tall and cool?" Buffy arches a brow.

" Mmmm… yeah, nice. Good after the heat," Kira giggles. Buffy orders from the bar.

Buffy hands Kira a tall dark drink with a straw and umbrella. Kira looks at it, questioningly.

"What's this?" She slurs, slightly.

" Long Island ice tea"

" Really?" Kira smiles, " Good. You've had waaay too much to drink, you know!" She sips the tea, as Buffy leads her into the crowd again.

" Uh-huh," Buffy nods seriously, trying to hide the smirk on her face.

Buffy finds a table, and after only a minute of glaring down at the occupants, they get up and leave. Kira and Buffy both plop down heavily on the chairs.

" So, girlfriend, " Buffy looks over her drink, " Why'd you come here, anyway? I mean, not that it hasn't been fun, but really, you're not exactly what I think of when I think, 'bar girl'. Of course, don't really think too often about ' bar girl'."

Kira straightens up in her chair, trying to look businesslike and serious.

" Well, I'll tell you Buffy," She says.

Buffy waits for a bit, but when nothing is forthcoming, she speaks.

" Ummm… Kira? What're you going to tell me?"

" Was I speaking?" Kira giggles, then her face gets all serious, " Sorry. I… Well, I'll tell you Buffy." She nods, and takes a sip of her tea.

Buffy leans back in her chair, fingers steepled under her chin. She smiles, waiting for Kira to continue. She doesn't, so Buffy prompts her again.

" Kiiiirrrraaaa, why are you here, Kira?"

" Oh god, I did it again, didn't I?" Kira blushes. " Ok, well…ummm… why'm I here. Wait… wait, I know this one, I do! Ok. Ummm…. Ok, I remember. I'm supposed to retrieve you and bring you back to the hotel." She grins triumphantly.

" I see. You were sent to bring me back to the hotel. Ok, who sent you, Kira?"

" Well, Faith of course, silly." Kira slaps at Buffy's hand…and misses. " You know that!"

" Really? So, Faith decided I needed retrieving, is that it? I mean, I thought she was busy with Willow. I mean, I thought they'd be busy for awhile, " Buffy smirks.

" What? Busy…? Oh… you mean, doing the humpity bumpity? Naw, I think they just did the hug and cry thingie. Ya know? I mean… they came down pretty quickly after you did. Unless they did the humpity bumpity in like, overdrive, " Kira laughs.

" I get it. Faith gets like, Willow. And you, well you get to do whatever's fun for you. I dunno, maybe rearrange your cell phone numbers, or color code the post-it notepads, or whatever, but if I wanna have a tiny wee bit of fun, well, heck no. It's like I'm some kinda kid…gotta go get Buffy, right?" Buffy's tone has gotten a little hostile.

" Hey, don't all mad, now. I tole 'em they should just let you blow off some steam, but they were all like.. well, you know…"

" Aw sure, I know. I'm like the 'problem child', right? Buffy's sicko, right? That's what they're saying, right? Sure, I mean, hell, why have fun, anyway, right? That's just wrong, right?"

" Buffy?" Kira is starting to get nervous.

" I mean, what the hell's the difference, anyway? Who the fuck cares? What's the point, you know? I mean, not like I count for shit anywhere, you know? So why do they fucking even bother?"

" Buffee? Why're you getting mad? I mean," Kira reaches out and tries to take Buffy's hand, " aren't we having fun, honey?"

"Fun? Oh yeah. It's loads of fun to have your friends think you're such a waste, they have a babysitter to watch you. Uh-huh, it's great, Kira, just damned great."

" Buffy, don't, please, don't be mad. I…I know it's my fault you're upset. Please, don't be mad at me, please?"

"Silly girl, " Buffy reaches out, and gently caresses Kira's cheek," Why would I be mad at you? Hell, no, girl. I know your just Faith's faithful lap dog. Get it? Faith's faithful. Ok, you don't get it. But, hey, I'm not mad at you, " Buffy smiles, but it's a chilling smile, " Just go back to your mistress, and tell her to go fuck herself. A little love letter from her dear friend, Buffy, 'k?"

" Gee, B, why don't ya just tell me that yourself?"

Buffy, a little surprised, looks up and sees Faith, along with Willow and Giles, standing over Kira's chair.

" Well, well, if it aint my old bud, " F ". Hey, Kira, lookee what the cat vomited up!"

Faith glares down at Kira, who realizing that Faith's here, hangs her head. " Sorry, Faith. Guess I fucked up."

"Aw, puppy, don't be so hard on yourself, " Buffy says, patting Kira's hand. She looks up at Faith. " See? Faithful lap dog. Get it? Faithful?" She sees Faith isn't amused. " God, tough room, ya know?"

Faith grabs Kira and lifts her out of her chair. Still holding her, she turns to Willow and Giles. " Would you guys kindly see that Kira gets back to the hotel ok?" She hands over the inebriated Kira to Willow and Giles, and turns back to Buffy. " Seems me and B need to have a little chat." She sits down in Kira's seat.

" Chat my ass, " Buffy smiles coldly, " or maybe, kick my ass? Isn't that it, Faith? I know your jonesing for it. Go ahead, do it. If you can."

"Well, we can't have a battle of wits, cuz you're unarmed," Faith mocks her.

" Think that up all by yourself, Faith? Or did Willow help you with that?"

" Buffy, what're you doing? Faith doesn't want to fight with you. Why're being so…" Willow trails off.

" Aw, go ahead and say it, Will. Why'm I being such a bitch?" Buffy stares at her, " Isn't that what you wanted to say?"

" No, actually I was going to say, mean. But hey, bitch works," Willow says.

" Whoa ho, lookee here. What happened, Faith? Give Will a gut transplant? The mouse roars, " Buffy smirks.

" Faith, I'm going to go, before I do something I _MAY _regret later, " Willow turns, and with Giles, starts to help Kira out.

" Oh, c'mon Will. Didn't you tell me once that my ass needed ever square inch of it kicked? Well, go for it, witch!" Buffy yells at her.

" Why bother?" Willow says. She makes a hand gesture, and whispers " Jab". Buffy yells, and shoots out of her chair.

"What the hell did you do?" She looks at the chair for the pins that just jabbed her in the butt.

" Kicked every square inch of your ass, Buffy, " Willow says, walking away.

Faith laughs.

" What're you laughing at, moron?" Buffy growls at her.

" You, moron!" Faith laughs.

" Yeah? Well, laugh at this," Buffy kicks the table over onto Faith. It's unexpected, so Faith goes over backwards, table on top of her. Faith shoves the table off of her, and jumps up.

" Ok, now I'm pissed." Faith sets herself for a fight. Buffy feints with a left kick. When Faith responds, hits her with a right kick, knocking her back down.

"Well, glad to see you haven't forgotten how, B, " Faith smirks, and stands up. Buffy moves towards Faith, feinting with a right cross, and she hits her in the face, with a left hook. Faith rubs her jaw, ruefully.

" You know what, Buffy? I'm real sick of you hitting me in the face." She gives Buffy a combination punch, hard, and knocks her down. She swings her foot across, catching Buffy in the head, knocking her out. She comes over, and stands over the now unconscious slayer. She looks down, a disgusted expression on her face.

" Matter of fact, B? Getting real tired of all of this!" Faith bends over, and picks Buffy up, slinging her over her shoulder in a fireman's carry.

" Real damned tired."

Faith, carrying Buffy, leaves the club.

* * *

To be continued. 


	20. Part 20

Independence

By Norwalker

Part 20 of

Summary: What did Willow and Faith discuss in that little car trip from L.A. to Sunnydale in season 7? And what

were the consequences? A Willow/ Faith story

Rating: R, Very R

Category: romance/drama/angst

Spoilers: Possible season 7 spoilers. Possible season 4 Angel spoilers. C'mon, you must have seen 'em by now!

Time Line: Mid season 7(after the return of Faith) and beyond

Disclaimer: Joss Whedon , Mutant Enemy and Fox own them.

Warnings: Adult themes, violence, sexual situations between members of the same gender. Please be aware,

character death is always a distinct possibility. It can happen here, so don't say I didn't warn you!!! Any racist

remarks are spoken by the characters, and are in no way shared by the author. This story is not meant for children.

* * *

" I'm really not getting you. I'm not getting you at all!"

Faith is pacing back and forth, unable to stay still. It's obvious she's upset and angry, but what's driving her is more than that. There's worry too, and plain perplexity, sadness and regret it's come to this. But it's come to this.

" I'd really love to get inside that head of yours, B. I really, really would. It must be fascinating in there, what with all those demons playing games in your mind. I'm hoping that's what this is. Some inner demons doing badness on you, because frankly, it's not making sense to me. You're acting like a child, you _do_ know that, don't' you? A spoiled, really bratty child, I gotta say here. I know, I know, Angel's death really did a number on you. Well, me too. Willow too, lots of people, too. How 'bout Connor? Don't you think he's a bit bummed? At least _he's_ not acting like a teenager about it, even though, he IS a teenager! But no, you're the only one acting like it's playtime here, and I'm simply tired of it. Get it? Tired of it. I want to be your friend, B. I want to try to understand you, but you're really making it hard. You know what I mean? It's like your smiling in my face and giving me the finger when my back's turned. What's bugging you? That I'm finally doing something with my life? Does that make you crazy? Shit, B, don't you think I should do something with my life? Wait… this isn't about me, though, is it? It's about you. You, you and you. God, I'm so damned tired of hearing about YOU! Get this, B, I'm about a millimeter away from pounding you into the ground. You can call me whatever, do whatever you want to me. Don't care, get it? But now you screwing around with Kira, and Willow… and we still have that little matter of Connor to deal with. Oh, yeah, I remember that too, got it? God, I so want to wipe that smirk off your face with my fist, B. What do you think of that?"

Willow sits look at Faith, hands in her lap, head cocked to one side. She has a concerned expression on her face. " Maybe a little harsh?"

Faith sighs, walking over to Willow, sitting on the bench next to her. She takes one of Willow's hands and holds it tightly, as if trying to find some kind of anchor. They're in the garden, it's early morning, and Buffy is still sleeping off last night's hangover. It's a week after the incident in the club, and Faith has had to 'rescue' Buffy from herself three times. Last night was the worst. After harassing some people, she went nuts and trashed the bar. The only way Faith was able to keep Buffy from being busted and doing jail time was to go and pay for the damages, and smooth things over. It wasn't easy, but it was expensive. Faith was reaching the end of her tether.

" I know, Red, I know it's harsh. But honey, I'm getting crazy here. I don't _want_ to be the bitch here. But Buffy's out of control. During the day, she seems ok, goes along and does … well, whatever, but come sundown, it's like bad Buffy comes out to play. It's like she's two people, and I'm beginning to not like either one. What's really pissing me is she's dragging Kira along with her on these little adventures. I'm just glad Kira wasn't there last night. I'm really beginning to worry about her too. And, I don't need that! Not now, not when things are starting to come together. Kira needs to be focused on her job, not out playing bad girl with Buffy in the lead." Faith looks heavenwards for inspiration, anything would be welcome right now. She's fast running out of patience and ideas."I just don't know what to do here, Red. I feel helpless, watching her do this to herself, and not being able to get through to her. I stumped."

" I think, maybe, you're not seeing the whole picture here, Faith. I think you're focused on your own point of view, and not stepping back and looking at what's happening." Willow gently squeezes Faith's hand to emphasize.

" I'm not getting you, Red." Faith turns to Willow and searches her face for a clue." What're you trying to tell me?"

" Think about it, Faith. When you first came to Sunnydale, Buffy was at the top of her game, it was her show, and you were the outsider. You cast about for a way to fit into the 'gang', so to speak, something that would distinguish you, but still make you a part of it." Willow brings her hand up to Faith's face, and touches her, " Remember how that felt? How alone you felt, being on the outside, trying to get in?" Willow smiles ruefully," I sure wasn't much help. I was jealous of you."

" Jealous?" Faith grins, " Really? You were B's best bud."

" I thought you were trying to take that away from me. I didn't get that you just wanted to be part of things, I … I'm really kinda ashamed. Of course, when you slept with Xander, I was royally pissed. I was still…"

" Huh? Xander? What's he…" then she gets it. " You? Xander? Oh… god, I…" She starts to laugh. Willow's brows frown along with her mouth.

"What's so funny? I … I really had a thing for Xander!" Willow sounds a little huffy.

" Oh, god, no, I wasn't laughing at you… God, Red, Xander? Was just a boink … it meant nothing, absolutely nothing… I probably wouldn't have, but he was there, and I was horny… and the poor guy looked so desperate . Don't tell him that, ok? More a pity fuck, than anything." She sees that Willow isn't mollified. " Red… I'm sorry, I wouldn't have… ok, wrong, I would've because that's where I was then… but now…"

" Over Xander long time ago, ok? Gay now, remember?" Willow sounds a little strange," but Xander's a friend, don't like it when someone starts to put him down…" she mutters.

" Look, I really stepped in it, didn't I? I wasn't laughing at anyone, I was laughing at the irony of the situation. No matter what I did, no one liked it, they thought I was trying to hurt everyone on purpose, and that so wasn't what I was trying to do. I just… didn't think, because I felt all alone and not wanted… and oh god, that's what you're trying to tell me about Buffy, isn't it?"

Willow's still frowning, but the corners of her mouth are twitching. She's desperately trying not to smile, but she almost can't help it. –_ Beautiful and smart. God, no wonder I love her. Hey, I do love her, don't I?- _She grins internally… and it breaks out on her face. Faith looks relieved.

" I got it right, then?" She says, looking as pleased with herself as a child that figures out something new all by herself. She almost preens with satisfaction.

Willow can't help being charmed by her innocent adorableness. To her, it's like seeing a whole new side of Faith she's never experienced before, a happy, confident Faith that isn't afraid of making a mistake in front of someone. She keeps that to herself , however.

" Yeah, I think you hit it , Faith. She's feeling a lot like you felt, back then. It's your show, now. She's on the outside, looking in. You got it all, and she feels like she's got nothing."

" Nothing? That's stupid. She's got you!" Faith declares.

" Really? From her point of view, in light of recent events?" Willow arches a brow, " You really think she thinks she's got me still?"

" Not getting you again, Red."

" If push came to shove, where do you think my loyalties would lie? At least, from her POV?"

" Oh," Faith gets it. All of it. It all fits together for her now." I really wasn't trying to make her feel that way, you know. You do know that, don't you?"

" Well, of course I know that, silly, " Willow takes Faith's hand back, giving it a reassuring squeeze." But, you gotta see that only you can really help her now. I'll do whatever I can to help, but it's really got to come from you."

Faith gets a funny expression on her face.

"What?" Willow asks, not understanding.

" That's a lot like what Kira told me."

" Well, I guess. I mean, Kira and I talked about it, and …"

" You and Kira?" Faith looks a little surprised, " I mean, that's good, but, you and Kira?"

" Oh yeah, she's really great when you get to know her, and well, she's pretty smart… and she's easy to talk to when you're not getting all jealous of her…" Willow trails off.

Faith puts her arm around Willow's shoulders, and draws her close. Willow doesn't really look at her, feeling somewhat( or totally) embarrassed for being such a jackass about Kira. Faith gently chucks her under the chin, and smiles at her.

" Did I mention how adorable you are?" Faith leans in close to Willow. " Really, just too adorable"

Willow blushes prettily, and starts to say " No" when Faith leans in and kisses her.

The kiss is soft, warm and affectionate, with a small promise of the passion that underlies it all. But Faith doesn't force it, just letting it happen. She knows that both she and Willow have a lot to go before they can get too intimate. They need to really find each other, know each other this time. She wants it to go slower this time, and last. For now kisses and hugs are good. For now.

* * *

From up high in her apartment overlooking the garden, the 'sleeping' Buffy is watching the two lovers. She smiles gently.-_ That's so sweet­-_ she thinks to herself, feeling a warm little gush of happiness for them. She even ignores the small pang she feels.- _Ok, just a tiny bit jealous, ok? I mean… nice to be … aw, screw it. With my track record, best not to be…-_ . She turns away from the window, walking back to the dresser and opens it. She pulls out a stack of underwear, and walks to the bed, where she neatly places it in the open suitcase lying there. She's walking back to the dresser when she hears a knock at her door.

She opens the door a little, and sees Kira standing there, holding two coffees and a bag. She smiles at Buffy.

" Hey, good morning, sleepy. Thought maybe we could have breakfast, you know?" She shakes the bag. " Doughnuts and everything. Mmm… yummy goodness!"

Buffy cracks a grin.- _The girl's probably eaten 3 doughnuts in her life.- _" Better be careful there, Kira. You're beginning to sound like me now."

" Naw, nobody can twist English like you can, Buffy," Kira returns the salvo.

" Really? Ever listen to Willow talk?" Buffy rejoins. She shakes her head, " Look, thanks for the offer, but I'm kinda busy right now, you know?" She starts to turn away, closing the door.

"Hey? Busy? What's up? What're you doing?"

Buffy stares at her for a second then shrugs.- _She's gotta know sometime.-_ She opens the door wide, letting Kira in.

Kira immediately notes the suitcase and open drawer in the dresser. " What? You're packing? You're leaving? Why?"

" Thought it was time, " Buffy shrugs, getting some clothes from the dresser to put in the suitcase.

" But… what about Faith and Willow? You said… you promised you'd help get them together with me. I mean, we didn't do pinkie swear, or a blood oath, but still…"

Buffy chuckles," Pinkie swears? Blood oaths? What are we, like 11?" She shakes her head, then kind of nods towards the window, " go take a look."

Kira goes to the window, and looks out. She sees Faith and Willow sitting on the fountain, making out.

" Wow! Wow! It's … so cute!" She exclaims, turning to Buffy. " When did this happen?"

" What? Do I look like Dear Abby?" Buffy says, " I dunno. I just saw them out there this morning. They were talking, and started kissing and getting all mushy. I thought hey, looks good to me, you know?"

Kira takes another look down, and smiles. " They're so adorable. Come here," she waves Buffy over. Buffy comes over, and looks down.

" They should get a room," Buffy grouses a little, then turns away from the window." Not like there's a shortage or anything."

" What's wrong, Buffy? Jealous?" Kira smirks, noting Buffy's ambivalence.

" Of them? Please! They're acting like school kids." Buffy makes an impatient noise. She starts back towards the dresser.

" You still didn't tell me why you're leaving. Oh, and why you're in such a rush you can't share coffee and doughnuts with me… did you?"

" I did tell you, " Buffy says, " And not really hungry, you know. Maybe a little hung over… ok, coffee sounds good." She walks over to the coffee, pick up a cup and pries back the lid, looking at it. " Cream? Sugar?" She inquires

" In the bag, Buffy, " Kira says, walking over to join her.

Buffy digs through the bag, and snags a doughnut at the same time.

" Ok, maybe a little hungry. Thanks." She takes her coffee and doughnut, and sits on the bed, shoving the suitcase over a little to make room. She takes a bite of the doughnut.

Kira stands by the dresser, and takes out a doughnut and looks at it like it's an alien being. She turns it over in her hand, then tentatively bites on it. She smiles hugely, and wolfs another, larger bite.

Buffy can't help but laugh.

" You look like you've never eaten a doughnut before, " She giggles.

" I haven't " Kira admits, wolfing another bite. She has a little jelly at the corners of her mouth.

" Huh?" Buffy can't even conceive of the notion. " never had a doughnut? What? Where've you been living? In a cave in Tibet?"

" I was raised in a family that was very strict about eating healthy, " Kira explains, " doughnuts and such were a big no-no. ' They're all grease and starch and sugar' ", Kira imitates her mother, " ' They'll kill you quicker than a bullet.' "

" You're kidding, right?" Buffy looks at her like Kira's from another planet. " No doughnuts? What about chocolate? Chips?"

Kira shakes her head." I had carob bars… they were ok."

Buffy makes a face.

" Ice cream?"

" Vegans, Buffy. My parents were strictly vegetarians. No animal products at all…including milk or cream."

" No… ice cream?"

" No."

" No cheeseburgers?"

Kira shakes her head.

" No chocolate?" Again, Kira shakes her head

BLASPHEMY!

" Oh, this is so not good… not at all good, " Buffy shakes her head, " No wonder."

" No wonder what?" Kira looks at her suspiciously.

" I understand now, " Buffy nods her head, looking serious.

" What? WHAT?" Kira is getting nervous. –_What the hell is she talking about?-_

" It's pretty serious. Not too sure it's not to late…" Buffy clucks her tongue solicitously.

" WHAT IN HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT??" Kira is fully panicking now.

"Well, " Buffy comes over and puts a hand on Kira's shoulder, her face grave, " I really hope we're not too late. But you have a serious case of Nofunitis." Buffy shakes her head. Her expression is grim.

" Nofunitis? What's that…" Kira thinks a minute, then gets a wee bit irritated. " Cute, real cute. I have fun."

" Oh yeah, I know that, Kira. No doubt you get great giggles out of organizing those spread sheets by name, date and content. I bet you're a hoot at parties when you can make stock quotes from memory for the last 3 months. OH, and don't forget filing not only by name, but by color code for priority. Yup, that's chuckle filled."

" At least I don't have to find my fun at the bottom of a shot glass," Kira says in a sing-song tone.

" Yeah, right," Buffy mocks her, " You've been downing them pretty good last few times I 'dragged' you to a club or bar, " Buffy smiles wickedly, " funny how once you get there, not much dragging having to be done. More like, having to hold you down so you don't… oh, say… go doing table dances."

The color drains from Kira's face, and she turns away from Buffy. " That's so unfair, I mean… I was drunk, " Kira turns on her, " you got me drunk!!!"

" Oh, yeah… I remember now, " Buffy says, in mock sympathy, "that's the night I held that gun to your head and said drink or die… right?"

" You didn't tell me about Long Island ice tea!" Kira accuses Buffy.

" Oh, c'mon, everybody and their grandmother knows that Long Island ice tea is spiked ! God." Buffy shakes her head at that weak defense.

" I didn't!" Kira says defensively. She sees Buffy's expression, " Well, I didn't"

" Ok, how about the tequila shooters you were downing between the 'teas?" Buffy arches a brow.

" But… but they're so … yummy, " Kira trails off, blushing.

Buffy can't help it. She can't stay 'stern' at Kira.-_ She's so much a kid in some ways.-_ Despite herself, she breaks out in a chuckle.

" What's so funny?" Kira says, sounding annoyed.

" You are, you big dope, " Buffy laughs. She grabs Kira's arm, and starts to pull her after.

" What… what're you doing now?" Kira says, nervously.

" Well, if I'm going to 'corrupt' you, Kira, let's do it right, " Buffy says, pulling her out into the hall.

" Buffy, god, it's way too early to go to a club…" Kira is getting panicked. With Buffy, she's never sure what's going to happen.

" Ok, are you losing it, or what? Of course it's too early. We're not going drinking, dopey. We're going for ice cream. Chocolate mocha fudge ripple." Buffy gets a wave of sensual pleasure just thinking about it.

" Ice cream? For breakfast? You're nuts. It's not the right time for …"

" There is no wrong time for ice cream. Not for chocolate ice cream. Nor chocolate! Never!" Buffy pulls her along.

" But… what about your packing? Don't you think…?"

" Later. It'll wait. Not like I'm on a schedule." She closes the door to her room, and locks it.

" But I'm on a schedule, Buffy. I can't take off in the middle of the day…"

" It's morning, for Christ's sake. Don't even start that."

" But I'm working, Buffy… Faith'll be pissed if I disappear."

" It looked to me that Faith is way too busy to notice." Buffy grins wickedly.

" But, I'm vegan, Buffy. Eating animals is wrong."

" Ok, next animal we eat, I'll apologize!"

" You know what I mean. Animal products, like cream! It's wrong!"

" Too late, Kira. I saw you with that doughnut. You nearly had an orgasm eating it." Buffy looks at her, and notices something. " Wait!" She pulls Kira to a stop.

" What?"

Buffy licks her fingers, then wipes the bits of jelly from the corners of Kira's mouth. Kira nearly dies right there from embarrassment. Yet, there is a strange tingly quality to her embarrassment, too.

" Can't have Ms. Executive going out with jelly doughnut mouth, can we?" Buffy smiles. Almost unconsciously, Buffy licks the tips of her fingers, then wipes them on her jeans. For some reason, Kira feels a little shiver. Buffy grabs her wrist again, and begins to drag her along.

They reach the stair, and Buffy is leading the way when Kira pulls her up short.

" Buffy, no! I've got work to do, I can't just go out with you at any time on one of your whims. It's just wrong!"

Buffy stops a step below Kira, and drops her wrist. She stands, back to Kira, looking down the stairs, as if something interesting is in the lobby. When she turns back to Kira, she's frowning. Her shoulders are slumped, and she looks incredibly tired.

" Yeah, you're right, "Buffy says, softly and tonelessly, " it really is a dumb idea." She starts up the stairs, and then turns back to Kira when she's on the top step. " Thing is, when I saw that look of happy pleasure on your face, when you were eating that doughnut… I just wanted to give you that again, you know? I mean… you've been really neat to me, Kira. I was kinda… oh, never mind. Go work, ok? Sorry, I was all wrong here." She smiles, but it's obviously forced. She starts to walk back to her room.

Kira feels like she's one inch tall.

" Buffy!" She calls out.

" Kira, it's no big. Anyway, I got stuff to do, ok?" She calls over her shoulder. She continues to walk away.

" Buffy!! Is it… is it really good?"

Buffy stops and turns around. There's a smile on her face, and even from this distance, Kira can see the difference from the other smile. Buffy's face is all lit up. Kira feels a happy warm feeling in her tummy, but doesn't really understand it.

" Kira, it's like nothing you've ever tasted. Especially chocolate mocha fudge ripple". She beams." It's heaven in your mouth."

" Ummm… ok. If we do this, is it going to take long? I mean, I'm kinda already in trouble with Faith, you know? I don't want to get her pissed off at me again."

" Don't worry, there's a place right around the corner. I checked it out…" Buffy grins, " I mean, I can't live without my ice cream fix."

Kira stands undecided. On one hand, it sounds fun. –_How does she do that? Make everything sound like fun?-_ However, she really is in Dutch with Faith, and the last thing she wants is Faith to have to come looking for her… again.- _Faith looked ready to explode the last time she had to 'bail' me out of a situation. On the _other_ hand, Faith DID look pretty busy at the moment… which was a good thing, since it was with Willow, and that's a good thing, right? That's what me and Buffy wanted to happen, right? I mean, this calls for a celebration, right? Not like we're going to go get into mischief… right?_ That last part? Never a sure thing with Buffy.

Buffy, in the meantime, sees Kira going through a major stress moment over this. She speaks up.

" Look, Kira, I don't want to force you to do something that you really don't want to do," Buffy says, quietly.

" No, it's not that. Really, it's not. It's just that with everything going on, Faith's kind of… well, her patience is at a low ebb right now. And, it seems when we get together, somehow trouble seems to follow. You know, like a dog and it's bone."

" Are you calling me a dog, Kira?" Buffy pretends to growl at her.

" No…no, I meant…"

" Cause you're certainly the bone." Buffy grins at her.

" That's… just mean. Just because I'm kind of trim…"

" Oh, now you're saying I'm fat, " Buffy smirks.

" No… god, why do you do this?" Kira almost whines.

" Ummm… cuz you make it so much fun?" Buffy giggles.

" You're mean!" Kira punches her on the arm.

" Ow, " Buffy rubs her arm, "Nice punch, there, beanpole." Buffy grins wickedly, " You're right, I guess I'm mean… but you're easy."

" Hey!" Kira blushes.

"Well, look at the evidence. First I get you to break you're vegan diet with … doughnuts. Now, I'm getting you to eat… animal products… Ooooo… you're bad, Kira, just bad!"

"I'm not bad!" Kira protests, getting a little worked up. " I'm not! Anyway, it's … I'm only going to taste yours."

" Uh-huh," Buffy says agreeably, but has a knowing grin. She knows the effects of the wonderfulness of chocolate. Kira's doomed.

They stop at the lobby doors, and Kira turns to her.

" Anyway, I've had like popsicles before. Homemade, of course. All natural."

" Yeah, I bet. Carob, I suppose, " Buffy makes a face.

" No, silly, fruit flavors. Geeze," Kira shakes her head at her ignorance.

Buffy looks at her pityingly.

" Kira, sweetie. Popsicles are like… masturbation. They're ok in a pinch, but ice cream? Ice cream is like…" she waves Kira closer, and whispers in her ear. Kira blushes bright red to her shoulders." … only, better!"

" No way!" Kira exclaims, still red.

" Way!" Buffy laughs, and leads Kira out the lobby doors.

* * *

Willow is feeling very woozily. Extremely, totally woozily, as a matter of fact.

She and Faith have been making out for awhile, more than she'd really anticipated when they kissed. This was getting a bit out of control, especially with Faith's warm breath and soft lips on her neck, and her warm, slightly stake roughened hand sliding under her blouse and making it's way up to her … _oh, not good, not good at all. Gotta stop this… now!_

Somehow, she finds the will to clamp her hand on Faith's, stopping its upward progress. Faith pulls away from her neck, and looks at her, questioningly.

" Maybe, " Willow says, slightly breathless, "we should stop now, Faith."

Faith gets a pained expression.

" Aw, c'mon Red. We're adults here, right? We can handle this… I know we can," Faith insists. However, her own breathlessness kind of belies her words." I mean, we're in control here, " Faith lies.

" Ummm… hummm… you maybe," Willow says diplomatically, " but I'm … we just can't, ok, Faith? We talked about this. We gotta go slower." All the while Willow is making this pretty speech, her body is screaming at her. _" Are you nuts, girl? You haven't been feeling this good in… over a year!"_

Faith pulls away reluctantly, her own breathing rather heavy because despite Willow's words, Willow's hands haven't exactly been innocently sitting in her lap, nor have Willow's lips been confined to tiny pecks on the cheek,.- _Dammit, Red, do you want me to pop, or what?-_ She scoots away a little from Willow, and crosses her arms over her chest.

"Faith?" Willow tries to move closer, but Faith holds her off by moving further away. " C'mon, honey, don't be that way. We both agreed to this."

" I know that, Willow," Faith says, her frustration clear in her voice, " but I'm not built this way. I'm trying. I am." She stands and walks a ways off, knowing sitting near Willow isn't going to help. She turns and sees Willow looking dejected on the fountain.-_ Aw shit-_.

"I'm not going to bite you, Faith. C'mon, come sit by me" Willow pats the stone bench next to her.

" No, I don't think so, Red." Faith doesn't move, " Not a good idea, right now."

" Kinda harsh, Faith, " Willow says, sounding a little sullen.

" Kinda harsh?" Faith shakes her head, " Don't you think it's kinda harsh getting all hot and bothered … and then stopping suddenly? _That's_ harsh, Red."

" Think I'm loving it, Faith? Think I'm sitting here going all "Gee, this is great, how can I piss off Faith even more?". Think I don't get damned horny and frustrated too, Faith?"

" I'm sorry, Red, I'm sorry," Faith sighs, " Why, if we both hate this, are we doing it?"

" You know why, Faith. It's not some big mystery, " Willow stares at the ground.

" Well, ok, I'm stupid. Tell me again, slow, so I can follow along," Faith's tone holds a slightly mocking tone.

"Faith, stop it! Getting mean isn't going to help!" Willow stands up, moving farther away from Faith. " God, I hate this."

" So this is it? We're going to make out, then wind up biting each other's head off?" Faith doesn't look too happy.

" I don't want to, I really don't, Faith, " Willow says sadly.

" Me either. So, can we sit down, and maybe try to talk to each other?" Faith moves to the fountain, and sits. "Please?" Willow walks back to the fountain, and sits, but not too closely to Faith. Both sit for awhile, not saying anything.

" I didn't want to stop, Faith, " Willow finally speaks up, " it killed me to stop. I feel you in my arms, kissing me, your warm soft lips … the way you smell, the way you feel, and I ache for you. I do. I'm not a tease, Faith. I'm not some cold ice queen, believe me."

" I know, baby, I know, " Faith is nervously twiddling her fingers." But what would be so bad getting a little sweaty with each other? It's not like we're sexually incompatible, " Faith smiles at some of her memories of their lovemaking sessions, " what's wrong with making each other a little happy?"

" Like we've made each other happy over the last year, Faith?"

" It won't be like that, Red. We … we talked about it, already. We know what's going on now. We can work it out, I know we can."

" I can't do that again, Faith, " Willow says, firmly, " I won't. That night, the night you left me, I thought I was going to die. I wanted to die. I couldn't breathe, it hurt so bad, Faith. My heart broke into a billion pieces," Willow turns and looks at Faith, " it still hurts, Faith."

" I was numb."

" Huh?" Willow can't understand what Faith is telling her.

" I feel numb. I've stopped feeling, Willow. That night killed it for me. It was like someone came along and cut my heart out of my body. Do you know how bad it is to stop feeling, Willow? To know you'll never feel anything again? I did what I had to do, what I thought was right, but life had no color, no taste. Everything was flat. Cold, dead and flat. I had… I have… this thing to do, this thing that I need to do… and that's all I can even muster any kind of feeling for. Otherwise, I don't even think I want to live. How twisted is that, huh?"

" oh, Faith," Willow understands. It's like right after Tara, when she shut everything off.

" The only time I feel something is when you look at me. I feel my heart pumping, again. I feel my blood flowing again. I feel when you touch me and hold me. I remember to breathe, then. I remember I'm alive, not dead, but alive. Do you get it?"

" I get it, " Willow says, quietly. Without a word, she moves over to Faith, and puts her arms around her. Faith shrugs her off, moving away.

" No, don't. Don't. I don't want to feel. I know it hurts, if I feel again, it's going to kill me."

Willow doesn't take no for an answer. She moves to Faith again, and pulls her into her arms, holding her tightly. Faith struggles against her, but not all that hard. As matter of fact, the struggles are more like sobs. But her eyes remain dry, and her voice remains calm.

" No, don't. I can't do this, not now, Red. You've gotta believe me, I can't do this. I have too much to do…" She starts to struggle for real now, but finds Willow's embrace too strong. Odd, since she's got slayer strength. But she can't break free. " Let me go, please, Willow. I can't do this, not now. I can't be weak, I can't…" her eyes start to get brighter, " I can't feel this now… if I start now, I don't know if I can stop…please, don't… let me go, ok? Don't … let me go… let me … don't let me go…oh god…" something in her breaks, all the pain she's pushed out, and away, comes flooding over her." Not now…please, god not now. I've been good, I haven't cried much, I just accepted… don't do this to me… not now… not now…" her words stop, replaced by her sounds of pain and loss. A year, a lifetime of pain seems to flow out of her. She's always been the strong one, the one who didn't cry, who blew it off. No one could hurt her, touch her. But now, all the walls are down, the barriers breached. Her regrets, her remorse, her feelings of rejection, pain and loss slam into her as they never have before; she's having a catharsis, releasing her pent up emotions. Willow just holds her, rocking her as the sobs wrack through her. Her own heart breaks watching Faith go through this. She feels the tears running down her cheeks, but she remains calm, reassuring to the woman so much like a child in her arms.

After awhile, after Faith has regained some of her composure, Willow gently puts her arm around Faith's waist, and they stand, Faith leaning heavily on Willow. Willow negotiates their way to the lobby doors, and still holding Faith, she opens them. Faith is limp, as if everything inside her has washed out of her. She looks around, dazedly. Willow starts to lead her across the lobby towards the stairs.

"Where're we going?" Faith says in an almost childlike voice.

" Shhh. It's ok, just follow me," Willow says softly, holding her up.

" 'K "

Willow leads them upstairs, and into her room. Faith looks around, puzzled but not objecting. Willow sits her on the bed, and begins to undress her.

"What're you doing?" Faith isn't scared, or charged up. It's merely curiosity.

" Do you trust me?" Willow asks her gently.

Faith nods. Somehow instinctively she knows Willow wouldn't hurt her.

Willow finishes undressing Faith, and lays her down in the bed. She then proceeds to undress herself, and slips in next to her. Faith looks at her , puzzled.

" Willow? Should we be doing this? I though we agreed not to …"

" It's not about sex, honey. It's about being held, being close. Just trust me."

With that, Willow gathers Faith in her arms, putting Faith's head on her breast. She holds her, letting Faith hear her heart beat against her ear. Faith snuggles close to her, being encircled in Willow's arms. She slowly relaxes, her eyes slowly shutting.

Willow holds her close, caressing her lightly, letting her sleep.

* * *

Buffy sits back at the table shared with Kira at the ice cream parlor, and looks with wry amusement at her bowl. Kira's bowl. The huge extra large bowl. Her second bowl.

Buffy has created a monster.

They came in and were seated, Buffy ordering a small ice cream ( Chocolate mocha fudge ripple, of course), Kira primly saying she only wanted a taste. That eating animal products was wrong, and polluting to the body. Grabbing a second spoon, Buffy gave Kira a taste.

-_ And I thought she looked orgasmic over the doughnuts!_- Buffy chuckles, watching Kira's face as she tasted it for the first time.-_ At least with the doughnuts, she didn't make little mewling, cooing noises._- Buffy can't remember anyone, ever, enjoying anything like Kira enjoys ice cream.

Well, two bowls later, practically licked clean, Kira finally seems sated… but Buffy wasn't too sure. Kira was eyeing her bowl with a new hunger in her eye.- _I wonder if there's an Ice Cream-aholic's anonymous? I think I might have a candidate here.-_

But the funniest thing of all was Kira's current expression, looking at the now empty bowl. It was a combination of longing and guilt.-_ I was really only kidding when I compared it to an orgasm… maybe I was closer than I thought. God, I wonder what happens to her when she does orgasm, it must be something to see.-_

Buffy finds herself somewhat disturbed by that last thought, but shrugs it off. Until she watches Kira lick the spoon for the last little dollop of ice cream. It's rather too sensual for comfort.-_ No one should enjoy anything that much-_ Buffy shivers a little as she stands, collecting the bowls to return to the counter.

"Maybe we should head back," Buffy suggests, standing across from Kira. Kira is sitting there in post orgasmic bliss, just licking her lips, re-tasting the ice cream. Again, Buffy is getting a case of the wigs, and it troubles her. She knows she shouldn't be reacting this way.

" God, Buffy, why didn't you tell me about this before?" Kira admonishes her, still having the slightly hungry look in her eye. " I really thought you were kidding back at the hotel. But you didn't even come close."

" I think you enjoy ice cream way too much, Kira, " Buffy truthfully replies.

" I don't believe that's possible, Buffy," Kira smiles, Buddha- like, as she stands to join the small blonde slayer.

" What about eating animal products? What about polluting the temple of the body?"

" Please, Buffy. Nothing that tastes like that could pollute the body. It's ambrosia, frozen." She reaches out and squeezes Buffy's arm in a friendly way. She walks to the door and turns, " Well, you coming?" She turns and exits the shop. Buffy follows after, wondering when she lost control of the situation.

She catches up to Kira halfway back to the hotel. Kira seems to be in no hurry, just sauntering along, enjoying the sunshine. She stops and turns her head as she hears Buffy catching up to her.

" Well, there you are, itty-bitty. Thought you'd never catch up. Isn't it a grand day out, today? All nice and sunshiny and… nice" She puts her arms up as if to catch more of the sun. " Really too pretty to be working. We should play hooky."

Buffy looks at Kira as if she's lost her mind. " What the heck are you talking about? You go through withdrawals if you don't have your laptop handy. And hey, stop calling me that."

" Calling you what?" Kira grins at Buffy. " Itty-bitty? But your so little, and so cute!" She pats the top of Buffy's head.

-_God what the hell happened to her? She isn't this loopy when she's drinking. What is her problem?-_ " That's it. No more chocolate mocha fudge ripple for you. You're loopy."

" Don't be such a stick, Buffy. I'm just feeling good, and it's a pretty day." They start walking towards the hotel again.

" Me, a stick? This from the girl that not only thinks paperwork is fun, she relishes it. You make my friend Willow look like a rebel. I'm the stick?" Buffy makes an impatient noise, " anyway, you know Faith's going to have a cow if I don't get you back to the hotel, pronto. She thinks I'm a bad influence on you, anyway. Really don't need another lecture on how I'm a fuck-up, thanks."

" You're sure acting like a stick now, Buffy. It was your idea to go for ice cream, remember?"

-_Yeah, rub it in, right. God, what a mistake. Who would've thought she'd zone out on ice cream?- _" Yeah, kinda regretting that idea right now. Faith's going to think I got you drunk again!"

" God, Buffy, relax. I'm not loopy, or drunk, or anything. I'm just feeling good… great, and hey, it's such a nice day, shame to waste it. You know?"

They stop close to the entrance of the hotel. Kira looks towards the doors, and makes a face. " Hey, c'mon, Buffy, lets skip out. You and me, what do you say? It's so nice… lets go to the beach. I bet it's real pretty at the beach."

Buffy is beginning to get suspicious. –_ This just isn't smelling right here.- _" Ok, Kira, spill it. What's up?"

" Up? Nothing's 'up', Buffy, " Kira shrugs, " Ok, you don't want to go to the beach, fine. Be a drag."

" Oh no, no way you're laying this on me. You're acting way too weird. First off, you bring doughnuts to my room… something you've never done. Then, when I try to take you to get some ice cream, you act like you'll get a disease if you leave the hotel. Now, you're acting like you don't want to go back in, even though you were making a fuss about taking a few minutes off. What's the deal?" Buffy looks at her sternly, " do you really think I'm too stupid to see something's going on here?"

" Nothing's going on, " Kira leans against the archway leading to the lobby entrance, "nothing really. I dunno, I just didn't sleep really well last night, kept having funny dreams I can't remember. But I woke up with the feeling something was going to happen today. You ever get that? Anyway, I kinda wanted to talk to someone about it, but didn't want to bother Faith. So I went to your room, but then you're packing like you're leaving, and that was strange. Were you just planning on sneaking out?"

" No, I was going to tell everybody. Just figured… I'd get packed first. I'm not feeling too useful here." Buffy's face gets a little grim, " I guess I was just tired of being in trouble all the time."

" Buffy, " Kira says sympathetically, coming over to where Buffy's standing. Buffy waves her off.

" No, no, you're trying to change the subject. This isn't about me, it's about you. What's going on up in that head of yours? Why are you acting like you don't want to go back in the hotel?"

" I don't" Kira sighs, looking down, not wanting to look at Buffy directly." Something's wrong, Buffy, I can feel it. Something's going to happen, I know it. I've got this feeling things are going to change in a big way… somehow. A way that we can't control." Kira looks up, " Everything Faith's worked for, we've worked for, is …."

" This is about Faith, then?" Buffy's expression is unreadable.

" Yes, of course," Kira looks at Buffy intently, " What did you think?"

Buffy shakes her head. " Go on."

" I really don't _know_ anything. I only see hints here and there, but up to now I've kind of dismissed it. Figured it was just some rumblings by the old guard in Lehane. But…" She shakes her head, " I shouldn't be telling you anything about this. It's really not your concern."

" Kira, I promise. I won't say anything… to anybody, " Buffy vows.

Kira looks undecided. She needs to talk to someone, but Buffy's an outsider.-_ Would anyone inside is really going to listen to me? Without laughing… or banishing me? But, can I trust her?- _

" Never mind, Buffy. It's just stupid. Let's go in," Kira says, pushing herself off the arch, and walking towards the entrance.

Buffy watches Kira walk away, a frown on her face. She doesn't say anything, but the hurt on her face is obvious. She follows Kira inside.

* * *

Faith knows she's dreaming. She has to be.

_-Otherwise, how'd I get on this field in the middle of nowhere? How is it I'm dressed in these really cool leathers… wasn't I just naked a minute ago, in Red's arms, in bed? I thought I was.-_ She lifts the broadsword she's carrying, and looks at it._- Whoa, and this blade, really sweet. Yeah, gotta be a dream._

Yet it doesn't entirely feel like a dream. Everything seems so real, so intense. She can feel the coolness of the breeze as it blows against her, smell the damp earth, and … fire? She looks around, and notes that there are torches set up circling the field, and behind them, a crowd seems to be watching her. As if expecting her to do something.-_ Well, hope they tell me soon, cuz I aint got jack in the way of knowing what I'm doing here.-_ Deciding to go with it, she starts to take some practice swings with the sword, to get it's feel. –_God, it feels good… nice balance, good heft.­_- Consciously or unconsciously, she begins to move through a series of exercises designed to combine movement with using the sword. She finds herself grinning, because the sword seems to be so much a part of her, as if it's an extension of herself. Swinging it left and right, bringing it overhead and thrusting and parrying with the air, she finds a sensual joy in manipulating the sword. She gets so caught up in it, that she doesn't notice the darkness that seems to descend behind her, nor the sounds of the crowd as the react to the change.

She nearly jumps out of her skin when she hears what sounds like a thunderclap boom behind her, and she whirls in air, sword pointed toward where the sound came from. She sees a dark swirling mass behind her, large and undulating, almost as if it were alive and breathing. There's an electricity to the air. Wary, but curious, she approaches the mass, using her blade to test it, to touch it from a distance. The blade cuts through it without touching it, but it grows cold, icy cold, in her hands.

" Ok, what the hell is going on here?" Faith asks, out loud. Anger, with a tiny undercurrent of fear, colors her tone. She doesn't like this. Not one bit. She stabs at the surging mass once again, and again the blade turns icy. But it's not nearly as icy as the fear that gnaws at the pit of her stomach.

" It's time, Faith, " The voice seems to surround her, envelop her. It doesn't come just from the mass, but from everywhere. " Time, time to face what you would rather hide." The voice seems familiar, somehow.

The crowd surrounding the field starts to chant " Time, time; it's time, it's time". –_ Swell, the Greek chorus. Just what I needed._-

" Face what? What the hell are you talking about, large, dark and misty?" Though her tone is sarcastic, her expression is serious, and she holds the blade above her head, as if to attack.

" That which you hide, that which you wish to conceal."

" Oh. Ok, oh wise …er… cloud, exactly what the hell is that?"

Faith feels a sharp jolt between her shoulder blades, as if a blunt object had hit her hard from behind. She loses balance and starts to fall forward, but manages to catch herself, and whirls around, to face….

Herself. Staring at her, with a disgusted, mocking look.

"Me, ya dope. Time to face me!"

Faith, stunned, doesn't react immediately, and her duplicate takes advantage, doing a swift kick and leg sweep, bringing Faith down hard to the ground. Her twin kneels on her chest, holding her down. Faith, surprised and not at all pleased, glares up at her.

" Well, looky what I got here, " Twin-Faith chuckles. She pulls a knife from her belt, and hold's it to Faith's neck, " I got me a do-gooder slayer."

" Who the hell _are_ you?" Faith asks, eyeing the knife to her throat warily.

" You, ya mook, can't you see? Or is all the radiance of my smile blinding you, moron?" Twin-Faith smirks at her." Well, I'm part of you, anyway… the part you don't want to show off to company, I guess." She caresses Faith's neck with the flat edge of the knife.

Faith grabs her twin's wrist, and twists it, causing the knife to drop harmlessly to the side. She brings up her knees, hard, into her twin's back, and bucks, throwing her face forward into the ground. Faith jumps up, grabs the knife, and quickly kneels on her twin's back, raising her head, and putting the knife to the throat.

" Ok, really tired of this crap. Tell me who you are, or I'm gonna cut you, bitch!"

" Ahhh, there's my girl, " her twin mocks, " Go ahead, baby, cut me. You can't kill me, you can't get rid of me, cuz I'm you, babe. I'm Faith… the Faith that you don't want to know about. The Faith that kills, the Faith that betrays, the Faith that's out for herself, and be damned everybody else. So, go ahead, you do it. But I'm not goin' anywhere."

" Bullshit. You're an illusion, a dream, " Faith hits her 'twin' upside the head, " You're nothing but a bit of my imagination gone wild."

" Yeah, babe, you just keep telling yourself that. But the fact of the matter? I'm real, baby. I'm here, and I'm tired of being ignored. You think just because you put on a white hat, that I went dead? No way, girlfriend. I'm here, always was, always will be. I'm right below the surface, waiting, and watching. I know what you know, see what you see, feel what you feel. Didn't your walkabout in Angel's mind teach you jack?"

"What the fuck are you babbling about?"

Twin-Faith laughs, the bucks Faith off, then kneels over her, holding Faith down.

" Angel, Angelus. You know, both sharing the same body. Angel on top, because of the soul thing, but Angelus is there, and aware, and looks for any chance to get out. Well, sweetie, it's like that with you and me. Except, you got a soul by being a human, so not gonna lose it too soon. But you can't pretend like I don't exist, cuz I do. I'm part of you, babe, and you better accept that fact. You think you can ignore me, and I'll do a fade. But that aint gonna happen, and ignoring me? Well, you're doing that at your own peril. Cuz I see things, know things that you don't see and don't know. I gotta stake here; if you're screwed, well, I'm screwed too."

" You're a fucking liar, " Faith struggles against her twin, but can't seem to break her hold. " All you want is for me to go back down that path… not going there, not doing that again. I've changed, and you're just a shadow of the past I don't need anymore. Got it?"

"Oh, you need me, babe, you don't have a clue how much, " Twin-Faith says, " I'm the side watching your back, keeping you from being a dope. You need me." Twin-Faith nods sagely

" Yeah, like I need Ebola," Faith head butts her twin, who backs off. Faith gets up and kicks her. " You're a waste of time, a waste of space, … generally, just a waste!"

" You're such a loser, Faith. You're so worried about being good all the time, but don't you get it yet? It's not about good, or bad, or any of that crap. It's power, Faith, that's what gets the big house, the stuff, all the marbles… it's who has the power, and how they use it. But, without me, you can't get power, cuz you just aint got the guts, or whatever it takes to make the hard decisions. That's what I do, Faith, believe it or not. I give you that."

" You're wrong, I don't need you. You try to tell me that you're the spine, but you're the weakness. You're the thing that saps me, that makes me less. You lie, cheat, do whatever you have to do to get me to use you. Thing is I can get what I want, what I need without you."

"That's crap. Everything you do, everything you want, is informed by me. Whatever you touch, I touch, because I'm integral to who you are, Faith. You think I'm the negative, but I'm not. I'm the one that gives you desire, that makes you lust, that causes you to go out and fight… to satisfy my urges, your urges. That's what it is , Faith. All about what you want. Because without me, you're nothing. You're goody-goody self would be nothing but a flabby bowl of Jell-o without me. You can try to shut me out, throw me out, and ignore me. But in the end, I'm still there, and I always will be. Don't you get it? You can't do squat without me, so deal with it. Learn to live with me; better, embrace me, make me your bitch, and you'll be stronger."

" Embrace this, bitch," Faith picks up her fallen sword, swings it and cuts her twin's head off. The body falls to the ground, but then it crawls to where its head has fallen. It picks it up, and stands up , facing Faith. The head speaks.

" Can't kill me, babe. Told you that, " it places its head on its shoulders, and smiles, " Thing is, you keep trying, and I keep coming back."

"Shit!!!" Faith spits out, flustered and angry.

" Listen to me. As I said, I see things you can't, or won't see. I'm telling you now. Your friends, the ones you think are with you… don't believe it. They're setting you up for a fall. They want you to fail. So get smart, and cover your butt, cuz it's comin' sooner than you think." The twin starts to walk towards the mystical haze, " Way sooner. " It starts to walk into the darkness, but turns and waves. " Ta for now, babe. But don't worry. We'll talk again, real soon." As she enters the haze, it begins to grow and spread, becoming larger and larger until everything is covered by it… and all goes dark…

Faith opens her eyes, and finds herself staring into the worried, olive colored eyes of Willow.

" Are you ok?" Willow asks, " You started thrashing in your sleep"

Faith notes a red welt rising on Willow's cheek. She grimaces.

" Did I do that?" Faith asks contritely.

Willow shrugs, " I know you didn't… weren't trying to hurt me. It's no big."

" Sorry… I'm sorry, " Faith says, getting up.

"Where're you going?" Willow asks, " I thought…"

" I can't right now, Red. There's something I've got to do." Faith picks up her clothes, starting to dress.

" Yeah, ok. I understand, " Willow tries to cover her disappointment. She starts to get out of bed.

" Red, honest, if I could…" Faith walks over, and sits next to Willow. She leans in, and tenderly kisses the injured cheek. " I love you, babe, I really do. But something's here, and I've got to take care of it."

" Here?"

" In the hotel… something's here… something's going to change."

Faith gets up, and finishes dressing.

" Are you sure you're ok… " Willow looks worried, " you're kind of scaring me here."

" Don't worry… I'll take care of it. It's fine, trust me."

A fully dressed Faith exits the room, leaving Willow with her thoughts.

* * *

When they enter the hotel lobby, Buffy and Kira see three strangers standing at the reception desk, backs to them. Kira moves down a bit and greets them.

" Hi, sorry we were out of a bit. Can I help…" her voice trails off when the three turn towards her. She looks a little shocked. " Layne, Peter… Liam… what're you doing here?"

" Now, dear, is that anyway to greet family?" The woman, tall with wild red hair and arresting blue eyes, asks her. Buffy notes she has a slight lilt to her speech.

" No, sorry, of course not. Layne, it's good to see you, of course. You too, Peter, Liam" Kira replies. Buffy is a little surprised to hear Kira's voice change, her voice taking on a lilt similar to the woman's.

" So, Kira, you've been keeping yourself out of trouble, I hope," Layne walks over to Kira and gives her a peck on the cheek.

Buffy can't help letting a chuckle escape.

" Excuse me, Miss, I don't believe we've been introduced, " Layne, the redhead, turns to Buffy. She fixes Buffy with her intense gaze, and Buffy feels uncomfortable, but doesn't flinch.

" My name is Buffy. Buffy Summers, " Buffy says, stiffly, " However, I don't have a clue as to who the heck you are."

" Ah, well, bit of fire I see, " Layne smiles broadly, " My name is Layne Hearne. We should've been introduced properly, but sometimes my sister here forgets her manners." She looks askance at Kira.

" Sorry, sorry, " Kira says, assuming her fade into the background manner." This is Layne, whom you've met, and these others are my … cousins, Peter and Liam."

Buffy notes that Kira has lost all her confidence. She's acting like a schoolgirl who's been caught cheating on an exam. –_ What's going on here, anyway?-_

" So, Miss Summers, exactly what do you find so amusing about me?" Layne asks, arching a brow.

" No, nothing's amusing about you, particularly, " Buffy replies, slightly sarcastically, " it's more what you said. About Kira keeping out of trouble. Just a bit funny, I guess, considering Kira's about as straight- arrow-girl- scouty as they come."

" I'm sorry, I don't quite understand that?" Layne looks a little puzzled.

" Kira's about as likely to get in trouble as a schoolteacher at a bible retreat, " Buffy replies.

" Indeed? That's news, " Layne turns to Kira, " Seems that this year has been good for you, then." She turns back to Buffy, " My sister can be a bit wild; at least she used to be."

Buffy makes a rude noise.

" Pardon me?" Layne's tone gets a little stiff.

" Wild girl? This one? She who spends her nights organizing her underwear drawer? Don't think so."

Kira has been listening to this exchange, her face alternating between pale and flushed. Finally, to divert the subject, she speaks up.

" Layne, you still haven't told me. What're you doing here with Peter and Liam?"

" We're here to see Faith, Kira. But she doesn't seem to be around. Interesting way to run a company, I must say, " Layne doesn't look particularly amused. " Do you happen to know where she might be?"

" Uhhh… uhhh…" Kira stalls, looking out in the garden, but not seeing Faith or Willow out there. " uhhh…"

"Maybe she's up in her room, Kira, " Buffy puts in quickly, " She said she had some work to do… maybe she went up there to get away from distractions? Maybe you should go check it out?"

" Right, good idea, " Kira shoots a grateful glance at Buffy, " I'll do that…"

Kira starts towards the stairs, but doesn't get very far when she hears a voice call down from above.

" That won't be necessary, Kira. I'm here, " Faith is standing at the top of the stairs, a slightly grim expression on her face. She starts down the stairs and stops, seeing the trio standing by the reception desk. " Well, Layne, Liam and Peter. Now my day's complete! Sorry, I've been feeling a little under the weather… used a bathroom upstairs…"

" Hello, Faith, it's good to see you, " Layne calls up to Faith from where she's standing." Sorry to hear you've been unwell."

" Hello, Layne. Wish the pleasure were mutual, " Faith rejoins, reaching the lobby floor. " So, since I don't suspect you've come all this way for a social call, exactly what's up, Layne?"

" Never the pleasantries with you, eh, Faith?" Layne grins bemused. " Very well, then, indeed, we're here on business. Is there somewhere we can talk… privately?" She casts a pointed look at Buffy.

" Hey, I'll leave, " Buffy says, not needing a piano to fall on her head. She starts to turn around.

" No, you stay, Buffy," Faith says, not wanting Buffy to have any excuse to get up to mischief. " You might check in on Red, she might need something…" she turns to Layne, Peter, and Liam, " My office" she gestures towards the office off the reception desk.

Faith, followed by Liam, Peter and Layne, head for the office. Kira stands, uncertain and undecided. Faith reaches the doorway, and turns back towards Kira. " Coming?" Kira is off like a shot, heading for the office. Once the five of them are inside, the office door closes.

Buffy stands staring at the door, feeling uneasy.

She somehow knows this isn't good.

Not good at all.

* * *

To Be continued. 


	21. Part 21

Independence

By Norwalker

Part 21 of

Summary: What did Willow and Faith discuss in that little car trip from L.A. to Sunnydale in season 7? And what were the consequences? A Willow/ Faith story

Rating: R, Very R

Category: romance/drama/angst

Spoilers: Possible season 7 spoilers. Possible season 4 Angel spoilers. C'mon, you must have seen 'em by now!

Time Line: Mid season 7(after the return of Faith) and beyond

Disclaimer: Joss Whedon , Mutant Enemy and Fox own them.

Warnings: Adult themes, violence, sexual situations between members of the same gender. Please be aware, character death is always a distinct possibility. It can happen here, so don't say I didn't warn you!!! Any racist remarks are spoken by the characters, and are in no way shared by the author. This story is not meant for children.

* * *

Buffy is staring out the lobby windows at the late afternoon sunlight. She's been sitting here for what feels like hours, waiting. Well, sitting, pacing, going out, and coming back, would be more accurate. But she keeps coming back; she can't help it. Her curiosity is piqued.

_Who were those strangers. Kira said they were family, but what else did they do?_

_Why were they here?_

_Why did Kira go pale seeing them?_

_Why did Faith shut them all up in that little office?_

_How long were they going to be in there?_

_What the heck is going on here?_

_-Was this the ' trouble ' that Kira was seeing in her dreams?-_ Buffy had to wonder.- _After all, why would Kira have such a strange reaction to seeing her sister and cousins? And Faith… she acts like they're the last people she wants to see. Then she herds them into that office, and it's been secret meeting time since. It's been going on all day. I'm not liking this. Something's going on around here, and I'm clueless … nothing new, I guess, but this isn't just casual_.-

_- Guess I should expect it, though. I mean, why tell the fuck-up anything? I mean, pretty much everybody figures I can't be trusted to do squat right. "Better not tell Buffy. She'll just screw it up", right?-_ Buffy feels her ire rising.-_ Hey, folks, if you forgot? Saved the world a few times here. Died twice doing it. Not exactly a rookie, you know?-_ Buffy frowns. –_ Well, I'm telling you, I'm gonna corner Kira when she comes out of that meeting, and I'm not letting her go until I get some answers. Not playing the dummy around here no more!-_

" Hello, Buffy. I didn't expect to see you here. Where is everyone?" Giles voice floats into Buffy's consciousness, startling her.

" Giles? You're still here? I thought you made for the land of tweed and crumpets already." She can't help tweaking him a little, " What happened? Tired of the rain and damp? Want to soak up some rays before heading back?"

" Oh, absolutely. You know how much I adore this land of the weather that never changes, " Giles tweaks her back. Buffy's eyebrows shoot up.

" Giles… you made a joke!" Buffy laughs, clapping her hands.

" Yes, well, I try not to let it happen too often, " Giles , slightly blushing, retorts.

" Well, we must be feeling rather full of ourselves today, that's two in a row!"

" Very amusing, Buffy. Yes," Giles says, slightly testily, " actually, I have business with Faith. Have you seen her?"

" Oh yeah, she's in there, " Buffy points toward the office. She puts her finger to her lips. " Shhh… it's some hush-hush secret decoder-ring kinda meeting!" Buffy has a cynical smile on her face.

" Really? How odd. Who's she meeting with?" Giles inquires.

" Now, if I told you that, it wouldn't be a secret, would it?" Buffy teases him. She sees he doesn't get it. " Ok, ok, it's her, and Kira, and some of Kira's relatives from the old country, I guess. All very secret agenty, you know?"

" Hmmm. Wonder if this has something to do with…" Giles trails off, in thought.

" What? WHAT?" Buffy's itching for any information.

"Well, you realize that Faith has channeled some funds to the Council over the last year, yes?"

" Er… no."

" Really? I thought I … sorry, guess I forgot to tell you. Yes, she set up a renewable fund , giving the profits from the fund to the council as a contribution." Giles furrows his brows, " you're sure I didn't tell you this?"

" Oh, I'm sure. I know I'm not the sharpest thorn on the bush, Giles, but I think I'd remember that!"

" Buffy, you know I didn't mean that, " Giles chides her, " Well, she came to me a few months back. Called me actually. You know one of the biggest problems we've been having is finding and training all the potential slayers. The old system of one on one watcher to slayer simply wasn't feasible any longer. I fear we may have lost a significant number of … what? Slayer trainees, I guess, through the cracks. Anyway, she says she's gathered a group of girls and has been training them. On her own dime, a she so colorfully put it. But she wanted to inculcate them in their heritage, and that, of course, is the council's raison d'etre. " he sees Buffy's puzzled look. " Why there's a council, Buffy. Anyway, she proposed a kind of… well, Academy, I suppose, to train groups of slayers. Those girls I brought are to be the first ' class '. But there's still a lot to work out." Giles seems puzzled. " It's funny she didn't mention it to you."

" Oh yeah, I'm really splitting at the seams here, laughing Giles, " Buffy deadpans. She shrugs, " Well, I guess with the attitude about me around here, I shouldn't be too surprised, huh?"

" Attitude? I'm not following you, I fear, Buffy." Giles replies.

" Oh, you know. Buffy the weak sister, Buffy the troublemaker, Buffy the screw-up. Guess we gotta keep this stuff from me, might over tax the mind, you know what I mean?"

" Buffy, I believe you're being a little over-sensitive. No one, including Faith, thinks of you that way."

" Really? How come I'm the last to find out about this academy, then?" Buffy turns away from him, " I've got a pretty good idea why."

" Buffy, you're being a little childish, don't you think? I'm sure Faith is just waiting until everything is in place to tell you."

" Right. Another thing Buffy's too stupid to help with. Got it."

" Buffy, stop it!" Giles tone is stern. He softens it somewhat. " From what I understand, Faith wants to tap you to help run it."

" Really?" for a second, her tone is hopeful. Then cynicism sets in, " Really? Yeah, well, I'll believe it when …"

At that moment, the door to Faith's office opens, and the occupants spill out into the lobby. Judging from the expressions, no one is particularly happy. Faith looks especially upset. But she's making an attempt to hide it, and escorts the ' guests' to the front door.

" Are you sure you can't stay?" Faith asks, solicitously, " there's no shortage of rooms. And, I'd really like to discuss this further. A lot further, actually."

" No, sorry, Faith. I fear we have to be leaving tonight. There's other business on the agenda, and the board is meeting tomorrow again to take up where we left off. We only came to inform you of the board's decision, and to alert you to the fact that you'll need to be present at next month's meeting." Layne turns to Kira, and hugs her. " Well, little one, it was good seeing you again, even if so briefly. Sorry it couldn't have been under better times, eh?"

Kira dutifully returns the hug, but Buffy can see she's upset.

Layne looks over, and seeing Buffy sitting on the sofa, looks a little surprised.

" Well, Miss Summers. Are you still here?" She walks over, and offers her hand," I must say meeting you has been … interesting."

" Likewise, I'm sure, " Buffy looks at the outstretched hand briefly, then takes it, giving it a good squeeze. Layne winces.

" My, who would've believed such a wee one could have so much strength?" She smiles, and turns away. Buffy sticks out her tongue at her, briefly. Kira is the only one who seems to notice, and a small smile flits on her lips.

" Well, Kira, do be keeping out of trouble, won't you? And, are we going to be seeing you at next month's meeting?"

" Don't know, Layne. I might have to stay to keep things running smoothly."

" Ah, yes, perhaps so then." She looks at Kira with a sidelong glance. " I'll give mum your regards then, shall I?"

" Yes, of course."

" Take care then, dear." Layne turns to Faith. " Will you accompany us to the car, Faith? I have one more thing to say, if you could."

" Yes, of course, " Faith replies. She, along with Layne, Peter, and Liam, leave the lobby.

Giles looks at his watch, and winces. " Oh, dear, I've got an appointment at the training center." He turns to Kira, " could you tell Faith I really need to see her? I'll call her in about an hour."

" Of course, Mr. Giles," Kira says, nodding absently.

Giles takes his leave, exiting through the garden.

Kira stands at the lobby entrance, looking as if she's deciding whether she wants to follow the others out, maybe do a little eavesdropping. Buffy sees her chance, and quick as a bunny, she is beside Kira, pulling her back into the lobby.

" What?" Kira says, feeling herself being pulled in roughly, " easy up, Buffy. What…?"

" You me, talk. Now!" Buffy says, pulling Kira towards the now empty office.

" Buffy, really. I don't have time for any of your games right now…"

" Oh, you're going to make time, Kira. I'm really sick of being left out of everything. I want some answers, now."

Kira finds herself dragged into the office, and Buffy turns, kicking the door shut. Not really hard, but the door banging has a pronounced effect on Kira's already jangled nerves.

" Damn, shit and damn," She says, shuddering.

Buffy looks at her, and is taken a little aback at the normally compliant and mild Kira swearing.

" Alright, Buffy, you got me here. Now, what do you want?" Kira's tone is level and even but with a definite don't fuck with me edge.

" I'm kinda jonesing for some answers here, " Buffy's own tone is no-nonsense, give it to me straight. " I wanna know what's going on around here."

" Nothing that concerns you, Buffy." Kira , out of habit, sits in the chair behind the desk, while Buffy paces back and forth in front of it.

" You don't think what happens to you concerns me?" Buffy stops pacing for a moment to glare at Kira. " You're all happy, pretty much one second, getting the big " O " from eating ice cream, talking about running off to the beach, then we come back in the hotel, and you're 'relatives', if that's who they really are…"

" They were my sister and cousins, Buffy," Kira exclaims.

" Yeah, whatever, so how come you go like 5 shade of pale seeing them? Oh, and then Faith comes down, and you spend the better part of the day locked up in this office with them. When you come out, they look cool as ice, and you and Faith look like you've been run through the wash cycle a few too many times. Something's going on, and I wanna know what!"

Kira looks tired, but she tries to couch it as softly as she can.

" Buffy, I know you care about Faith, and me, and everything, even if sometimes… well, you know. But this really is just internal stuff to Lehane. It's company business, and not privy to outsiders. I can't tell you more than that."

" Kira, I know you think I'm a fool…"

" That's so wrong, Buffy, I don't think anything of the kind!" Kira protests.

Buffy smiles, but the smile is a sad one, " C'mon, Kira, I'm not a fool. Really. I get it. But thing is, this … whatever happened, is bigger than just ' Company ' business. You don't come out looking like you two did… you both look like someone killed your last friend, AND took your last toy, to boot." Buffy tries a bluff. " Does this have to do with Faith's big plan?"

Kira starts just a little. She recovers quickly, but it's enough.

" Don't know what you mean, Buffy. There's no ' big plan' as far as I know, " Kira lies, " I told you, it was just about some internal company business."

" So, you're going to start lying to me now?" Buffy arches a brow.

" Not lying, Buffy. Don't know what's going through that brain of yours, but I'm telling you straight. There's no plan, big or small or otherwise."

" Uh-huh, " Buffy seems to be elsewhere. She tunes back on Kira. " I know about the foundation, Kira, that Faith set up. To fund the Council. I know about the " Academy" that Giles and Faith are putting together. I'm even hearing I might have a role to play in that… though, frankly, I'm doubting it. But here's what I'm hearing from you…" Buffy stands up before Kira, and does a wicked embodiment of a mall rat/ Valley girl. She thrusts out her hip, stands posed but 'casual' " Hey, like, I'm Buffy. I'm blonde, I'm kinda pretty, so of course I'm like an airhead, ya know? Anything you tell me goes in my ears and out my mouth. I'm just like, clueless, you know? My major skills are shopping, and gossiping, and being stylish. So like … ummm … you got some gum? Cuz I really might start having a thought, and hey, I can't think and chew gum at the same time, you know?" Buffy's voice is dripping acid by the time she finishes.

Kira turns red through Buffy's little monologue.

" That's so unfair," She hisses.

" Unfair? Maybe? I'm kinda getting that's what people think, though! " Buffy's expression is grim. " but maybe I've earned that, you know? Because maybe I don't like being a stick all the time, fitting into someone's neat little boxes. Ok, I've been doing some stupid stuff, lately. " Buffy turns to Kira, bright pink spots outlining her otherwise pale face. " Maybe I'm bored waiting around, being treated like a dumbass. Maybe I'm hoping someone will tell me exactly what's going on!" Buffy's expression changes, a tight smile spreading across her lips. " or maybe, while you were safe and sound, doing the college thing, I was out there putting my life on the line so there'd be somewhere for you to be. But, that doesn't count for shit, does it? You're only as good as last apocalypse, huh? Oh yeah, I managed to get us through that one, too. With some help from my friends. If I got any left, that is!"

" You've got friends, Buffy," Kira says quietly.

" Yeah, that's why their treating me like the 'tard cousin, right? You know… I'm not smart like you, Kira. I don't have the brains you got, or Will's got… but I'm not a moron, you know? And I'm tired of being treated like one."

" No one's treating you like a moron, Buffy, " Kira says, firmly, " though you've got to admit, some of your recent … forays, surely qualify you." Kira stands up, " but you know what? You can't be privy to every bit of what goes on around here. This isn't … what's the name of that place? Oh yeah, Sunnydale. This isn't your show Buffy, it's Faith's. She's in charge here. Right now, you're going to have to start acting like an adult, and a team player, and get onboard. Or don't. But that, for now, is it. If you don't like it, well… whatever, get over it."

Kira braces for an explosion. She's quite unprepared for Buffy's reaction. Buffy seems to relax, loosen up. She smiles. Kira relaxes, relieved. But either she doesn't notice, or doesn't want to see the look in Buffy's eyes.

" You know what? You're right," Buffy's voice is soft, deceptively calm, " this isn't my show. Doesn't really matter what I think, or what I know. Got it. I'm just one of the ' scoobies' here." She shakes her head, and shrugs. " Maybe I'm taking this way too seriously. Know what? Time for some fun. You look like you could use a shot of fun…" Buffy puts on the big smile. "Heck, you look like you could use a whole lotta shots of fun…"

" I'm sorry, Buffy, but I can't. I've got too much to do."

" Aw, c'mon, Kira. Don't be a stick. Just come out with me for a drink. One lousy drink, you know? Maybe dance a little. You'll come back, all relaxed, having a new perspective on things. You'll be recharged, do a better job."

Kira frowns. " C'mon yourself, Buffy. You know well as I do that if we go out, it's not gonna be one drink, cuz you start calling me a stick if I don't have ' just one more'. And we'll get in trouble, and Faith'll blow a gasket… "

" So, you've got to clear every little thing you do with Faith first, huh?" Buffy grins, " must be hell when you brush your teeth." Buffy leans over, getting right in Kira's face. " C'mon, be a little wild, girl. Tell you what? I'll buy you ice cream. Chocolate mocha fudge ripple… yummy." Buffy grins.

"Stop it, Buffy, " Kira says, crossly. She's tired of this. " I can't just go running off with you every time you get a whim. Some of us have responsibilities around here…". As soon as it leaves her mouth, Kira wishes she could take it back.

" Right, right you are,' Buffy gets up quickly, walking to the door. She turns back, and looks at Kira with a peculiar expression on her face. " Well, guess old bad Buffy'll just have to find her own fun, right? No big, trust me, I'm good at it. Know what though?" Buffy gestures around the room, " Look at this space, Kira. This is your cell… your little box where you keep your life, and your feelings, and all of it contained neatly and tidily and hey, tightly. This is it, baby. You're prison. Like Faith. She got out of prison, but she carries her cell around with her. She used to know how to have a good time… not now. Funny, you know? Sometimes, you're just like her." Buffy smirks at her. " So, stay burrowed in your little hole. Hope you like it. See ya later, doll." Buffy saunters out the door, and then slams it after herself.

Kira stares at the door, her face a palette of mixed emotions. She's conflicted in every which way, and sits there briefly. Then, coming to a decision, she jumps up, and opens the door, calling out.

" Buffy… wait…"

But it's too late. The lobby's deserted.

* * *

It's nighttime in L.A., and Faith stands looking out over the city from the rooftop of the Hyperion Hotel.

L.A. takes on a wholly different character in night, transforming into a panorama of light and color. The seedy and ugly parts tend to recede into the shadows, and the million points of light tend to give it a wonderland feel. Its electric beauty hides the pervasive undercurrent of malevolence and wickedness, hiding in the gloom between the lights.

Faith looks out over the city, but her face doesn't reflect wonderment or enchantment. She's not fooled by the glittering lights, she's seen too much , knows too much. She knows right now that demons lurk in the dark corners, that vampires "pass" as human to lure victims to their demise. Even worse, she knows a greater, more remote evil pervades the city, directing the things that prey on innocent and ignorant humans. She knows that some, too many, will die tonight, or disappear, never to be seen by friends or loved ones again. Her face has a hard, cold cast to it; it hides the thousand wounds she feels. It hides the frustration and anger at being this close, so close, to doing something about it, and having it snatched away.

Faith turns from the edge of the roof, her fists balled in anger at the little 'chat' she had with Layne, Peter and Liam. She knew her plans were contentious within the clan; after all, for centuries the clan had forsworn direct action against the enemy. They had used influence, subterfuge and bureaucracy to accomplish their goals. They were all about politics and back room deals and nudging things towards the ultimate goal. Faith knew this, learned this early on. She knew she would face resistance to change; that's normal. What she didn't count on was such wide spread opposition.

-_ What's the point people? Why get in the game, if you're not gonna play? We're the white hats, folks, the one who're supposed to go out there and save the world from the … Wolfram and Hart's of this world… and other worlds. What good is power and wealth, if you don't use it? Think the bad guys are just sitting there, waiting for it to happen? No way, they're making it happen, and here we sit, watching. That's just…wrong!-_

That wasn't the unkindest cut of all, however. Opposition she expected. She could fight that. What she couldn't fight were those she thought were on her side in this; the very people she trusted to watch her back. Layne, Peter, Liam; they were her friends on the board, the ones who supported her ideas.- _Or do they really?-_ She has to wonder.-_ Am I just being paranoid?_- She doesn't believe that. Not for a moment does she believe that.

This whole thing just smells wrong to her. Their sudden appearance, telling her that she's being questioned on many sides about her ideas, her determination to make the clan active and out front in the war on the dark. To join forces with the Watcher's council in battling evil directly, financing the training of new slayers, of creating their own ' army'. Of putting themselves in direct opposition to W&H, pushing back their influence, fighting them when needed.

There were also noises about her personal relationships; hanging out with a witch that not all that long ago nearly destroyed the world. Consulting with the head of the Watcher's council, long considered a weak, ineffectual organization by the clan. Paying homage and respecting the work of a vampire; true, a vampire with a soul, but nonetheless a vampire… one of 'their' creatures… who in the last year of his life ran the offices of the enemy! And that Buffy character; never mind what she's done in the past, look at her now! A liability, and become more so each and every day.

Oh, sure they made all the right noises. They were sympathetic, saying they still believed in her and her mission. But something rang false to Faith's ear. Something just didn't jive. –_Why did they wait so long to give me the skinny? It's at a critical juncture, everything is finally beginning to gel; now this! They were my 'eyes and ears' on the board… why am I learning all this now? Why not sooner? It can't have just come about, all this conflict. Where did the board get all its information about her, and her past? Oh yeah, that came out too… her wicked, wicked ways; including her stint in prison. Yeah, yeah, public record, I know. Funny how when I 'fulfilled' the prophecy, no one brought that up.-_ It doesn't make sense. She's already gone to the wall with this; she's faced the board, and the clan, over her proposals. She's worked hard, and made points. And she's won out, getting approval. So what happening?

Now, she's being called on the carpet, to explain herself. To justify, again, her course of action. Someone, or a group of someone's, are getting cold feet about her plans. Someone with power and influence. Someone with strong connections, and intimate knowledge of her actions. Someone trusted. Someone she's trusted nearly as much as Kira.

Layne.

Layne. Faith's liaison on the board. Faith's eyes and ears, the one she trusts to keep her interests in front of the board; the one she trusts to report back any problems. The one she hadn't heard from in the last few months. The one who assured her that everything was fine; that her plans were accepted and being acted on. The one who today came and told her there's trouble brewing. That she, Faith, is being called before the board. That her plans are unraveling. Now, after the fact.

She still doesn't want to believe it. She wants to trust Layne. Layne is Kira's sister, and she trusts Kira with her life. But she saw it; today in their conference, she saw it. –_ Maybe I am paranoid. Maybe it was that dream I had… but whatever, I know what I saw.-_ Something in the words or tone she used when telling her the news caught her ear. She looked up, and in that instant she saw the utter contempt in Layne's eyes. It was brief, she nearly didn't catch it. The look Layne gave her, when she thought Faith wasn't watching chilled Faith to her marrow. And Faith knew right then; if Layne isn't leading the opposition against her, she's heavily involved. Her heart doesn't want to believe it; her gut is telling her she better believe it. Either way she's sick about it.

-_If Layne is against me, what about Kira? Where's she stand? The old saying is blood is thicker than water; is she playing up to me, trying to find out my weaknesses, and reporting back to Layne? God, I hate this!!! I'm getting all paranoid of a woman who's been nothing but oh say my best friend. She's been more than a friend… she's been like a sister to me. I've told her things… oh, god. Now, if she's against me, I'm really screwed. How can I be so stupid? But if I don't trust her, trust someone, I'll be inhabiting one of those nice cells at Insane-o central. God, I hate this! I hate this, I hate this, I really hate this!!!_-

Faith looks heavenward, staring at the night sky above the light pollution of L.A. She sees the stars; it isn't like the desert where you can see what seemed like millions of stars in the night sky; here, only the brightest make it through. But she takes some comfort in them. Unlike the city lights, there's a purity to them. The darkness around them doesn't seem full of malevolence nibbling at the light; rather, it's a backdrop of cold clear velvet to highlight their cold, haughty beauty. For a moment her thoughts ease, as her mind reaches out to run amongst them.

" It's beautiful, isn't it?" A voice says softly behind her.

Faith is startled out of her reverie, turning to see Willow staring up at the night sky, a look of childish wonder on her face.

" I've looked at the stars too many times to count, you know? And it doesn't matter, each time, it's like new. Like they're new each night, for me, " Willow lowers her gaze to Faith, a small self-effacing grin coming to her lips. " Kinda dopey, huh?"

" No, kinda beautiful," Faith says, seeing the stars in Willow's eyes. She feels a soft glow inside herself, as if someone has turned on a light long unlit within her heart. She turns around, and looks down at the city lights. Even there the darkness seems a little less harsh, a little less threatening.

" Pretty, like a million jewels scattered over the city. I like the city at night, you know? I mean, from up here, looking down on it. All the lights seem to make the bad stuff fade into the shadows. It seems so… so" Somehow, Willow has insinuated herself under Faith's arm during her speech, and her arm is draped around Faith's waist. Faith turns to look at her, and she sees in that moment the woman a year ago, dancing with abandon under the stars in the desert sky. The warm feeling grows in her chest. Willow looks up at her, her olive eyes shining in the glow of the city lights. Faith smiles, and leans in to kiss her.

The kiss is warm and soft. When it's over, Willow lays her head on Faith's shoulder, breathing softly against her neck.

" I've missed you, Faith, " She says quietly, her arms pulling Faith closer.

"I've missed you too, Red, " Faith has a slight plaintive edge to her voice. Willow lifts her head from Faith's shoulder, and looks deep into her dark eyes.

" What's wrong, baby?" Willow murmurs softly, leaning in close to Faith.

" Nothing's wrong now, honey, " Faith replies, wrapping the witch in her arms. She kisses Willow's forehead.

" Tell me later?" Willow asks, her fingers stroking Faith's cheek. Faith nods almost imperceptively.

Their lips meet again, and this time the kiss is more insistent, deeper. Faith's tongue slips between Willow's lips, and Willow gently sucks it in, caressing it with her own. Fires flare in their breasts, fires long dimmed and banked, as their passion swells. Faith pulls Willow tight to her, feeling the tattoo of Willow's heart beating close to her own. Hands seem to slip knowingly and comfortably under clothing, and both women's breathing seems to become deeper, more ragged.

" Faith…" Willow pants.

" I know… we should stop…" Faith pants.

" Don't you dare!" Willow giggles, " I wanted to say, I love you… you know that, right?"

" Do I?" Faith teases, and then lifts Willow off the ground and into her arms. " Yes, " She breathes softly, " I know. I love you too, Willow."

" Good," Willow sighs happily. She notices Faith has started walking. " Where're we going?"

" Home."

* * *

Faith carries Willow down a flight of steps. They are laughing and kissing and making out like teenagers. Faith protests that Willow has grown fat, and weighs a ton. Willow punches her arm, and says Faith is just getting old and weak. They stop oh so many times to just kiss and make little happy noises. Finally they stop in at the bottom of the steps, in front of a large iron door.

" Rides over, Gorda" Faith teases, setting Willow on her feet. Willow in revenge pinches Faith's bottom. " HEY!" Faith protests, and pinches Willow back, and it degenerates into a tickle-pinch war, both going at it with gusto and giggles. Faith finally pins Willow against the door, and the giggles turn into soft moans as the kissing starts again. Lots and lots of hot, wet kisses happen. Faith's hands find their way under Willow's jeans, and Willow lets out a long low moan as Faith's hands squeeze her buttocks.

" Hey, " Willow says breathlessly, wiggling under Faith's touches, " are you gonna invite me in, or are we just gonna do it out here in the hall?"

Faith laughs, and withdraws her hands. Willow protests with a pout. " How'm I gonna open the door if my hands are on your ass, girl?" Faith asks logically, and kisses Willow's pouty lips. She turns and opens a panel by the door. Willow sneaks up behind her as she's keying in the code, and slides her hands down Faith's pants.

" Hmmm, " Willow murmurs appreciatively, " somebody's thinking naughty". She notices Faith's dampness.

" God, Willow, " Faith moans, " Keep that up and yeah, were so gonna do it in the hall." She leans against the wall , panting a little, but bravely keys in the code. There's a click, and a hiss, and the door lock is released.

" What?" Willow asks, wide eyed in innocence, as her fingers do nasty things to Faith.

" You know what, you lil red-headed witch, " Faith breathes heavily. It takes all her will, but she manages to pull Willow's hand out of her pants and turns around. She grabs Willow and pulls her close, " you sexy little witch." She kisses her deeply and passionately. Faith lifts Willow onto her hips, and carries her into her room.

After a round of deep hot kissing, after they have to break or stop breathing, Faith sets Willow down, and flicks a switch on the wall. She smiles and opens her arms in a wide sweeping gesture.

" So, whattya think?"

Willow, a little phased from hot kissing, takes a second or two to react. When she does, her eyes go wide and her jaw drops.

The ' room' is a 50' x 50' loft space, open flow with hardwood floors. The ceilings are 20 ft. high. On the back wall is a staircase leading up to a platform style second floor. The outer wall is made up of 8' high windows, with a killer view of the city. The inner walls are half covered with bookshelves reaching floor to ceiling, with chairs and tables arranged for comfortable reading. Another part is dominated by a large screen TV/stereo combination, with couches for comfy viewing. A kitchen area is floating somewhere in the center of the room, and back under the platform second story is a mini gym area. Finally, there is an office area with various desks, computers, and the regular office equipment. Throw rugs are strategically tossed across the space, and lighting is by various means… all soft, not too glaring; just right to give the space a warm feeling.

Willow turns to Faith. With an adorably amazed expression she asks, " This is yours?"

Faith smiles and replies, " Kinda hoping you might think of it as yours, too." Her expression turns hopeful, " that is, if you want to…"

Willow has a goofy, happy grin on her face, just kind of wandering around the space. " It's so… huge". She wanders over to the windows and looks out. She turns back to Faith, her expression having changed to a frown. " I… I just can't, Faith".

" I get it," Faith says, crestfallen, " It's still too soon…"

" No, silly, not that, " Willow smiles at her warmly, " I just… I have a business to run. At least, I think I do…I've been away too long already. I can't stay here…"

" C'mere, Red," Faith says, leading her over to the 'office' area. " All state of the art equipment. Including a T-3 connection, video conferencing, all the stuff you need to run the business remotely." She turns to Willow, " If you need anything else, just ask, it'll be here … I promise."

" Remote is all well and good…most of the time, Faith. But there's just times I have to be there…"

" There's a Lehane private jet at LAX standing by when needed. And where we were? It doubles as a landing pad for a helicopter. You can be in San Francisco in less than 2 hours if you need to be, Red."

" Faith, I'm building a life in San Francisco… I have friends and Wicca group I belong to, and …"

" And…?"

Willow looks away. " …other interests."

" Ahhh, right…" Faith walks to the window, looking out over the city, " … there's someone else…"

" I don't know…" Willow trails off.

" You don't know? You weren't present when it happened, then?" Faith's tone takes on an edge.

" Faith, sarcasm isn't helping here. I don't know how I feel…I mean, everything is happening so fast, and things are more than a little confused…"

" I must've gotten the wrong signals then, because it seemed things were heading towards something here." Faith doesn't look back at her, " just a few minutes ago, things were getting pretty heated. Was that gonna mean anything? Or…?"

" Oh, my god, of course it means something…" Willow comes over next to Faith, putting a hand on her shoulder, " I love you, you goof… but… it's not always easy, cut and dried… and our history together? Sucks big time, girlfriend, you gotta admit that. Kind of Tag and Run. Neither of us really trusting enough to commit." She holds up a hand when Faith begins to protest, " Not just you're fault, Faith. I was as guilty… maybe more so. I know, I should've been more understanding. But I'm human too, Faith, and I came off some pretty bad crap…"

" I'm not going to leave you, Red"

Willow looks at her questioningly.

" I've had a year to think it over, Red. A year to know what it's like not being with you. How empty that feels, " Faith turns to her, " do you think this…" She gestures around, " means anything… without you being part of it? Don't get me wrong, girl. I love the having money, living nicely, all that crap. But it's just that… crap… it's not necessary. " She stops, thinking how to phrase it. " I've got plans, Willow. Plans to really make life mean something for you and me. If I can keep this gig…" Faith expression changes, hardens, "… it'll be a lot easier. But whatever happens, I plan on doing what I'm gonna do…" She turns back to Willow once again, " but Red, you mean everything to me. If I had to choose… I choose you, over it all. Do you get that?"

Faith notes Willow's eyes are bright, overly bright, and her lower lip is trembling.

" Hey, hey," She says softly, chucking Willow under the chin," that's supposed to be a happy thing," she teases her gently.

Willow throws her arms around Faith's neck, and leans her head on Faith's shoulder. " How do you know exactly the right thing to say to me? How do you do that?"

" Maybe, " Faith says softly, " because it comes from my heart."

That did it. Willow just starts crying, but not sad tears. Happy tears. She hugs Faith tighter, wanting; no, needing to feel her body closer. Faith, touched deep in her heart, holds Willow, rubbing her back, trying to soothe her.

" Hey, hey, baby, it wasn't meant to make you sad," Faith coos, trying to calm Willow down.

" No…not sad tears, happy tears…" Willow pulls a little way, but still holds Faith. She looks deep into Faith's eyes. " I love you. I won't make you choose. I don't know exactly what you want to do, but I know it's important to you, and I won't make you choose over me. I love you." She kisses Faith on the cheek, " I love you" kisses her again, " I love you" she starts covering Faith's face with kisses." We'll make it work" Kiss, " I'll do what I need to do to make it work" Kiss, " I love you so much" Kiss, and kiss, and more kisses.

Faith, overwhelmed with love and desire and heat and lust for this woman, lifts her in her arms. For awhile they just stand there, kissing.

" Where're we going now?" Willow asks, trying to press her lips to ever little bit of Faith's face and neck.

" Upstairs," Faith says, hoarsely, on fire. She starts towards the stairs.

" What's upstairs?" Willow asks, feigning innocence.

" I'm hoping," Faith kisses her, then continues, " a little bit of heaven".

Still kissing and kissing and kissing, Faith carries Willow upstairs.

Faith carries Willow to her bed, a large king size bed that dominates the upstairs room. She sets her down, but Willow won't let go of her neck, holding her and kissing her even more.

" C'mon, Red, let me go… wanna light some candles…I'll be right back… promise!" Faith laughs, finally prying Willows hands off her neck. She turns and starts walking around the bedroom, lighting candles, when she hears the bed springs squeaking and some girlish giggling. She turns to see Willow bouncing on the bed like a 10 year old.

" It's so big and comfy!" Willow declares, bouncing like a child, a big goofy smile on her face. Faith just laughs, charmed how this mature, thoughtful woman can transform into a child at the silliest of things. It just makes her love for the woman grow by 1000 times.

" C'mon, you're gonna break it, " Faith chides, really just teasing Willow.

" Am not!" Willow stops bouncing, and pouts. She looks around, and points. " Hey, what's that?"

On the dresser sits a portable TV/ VCR combo. It's seen better days, looking pretty beat up. Next to it is a pile of tapes, obviously watched many times.

" Oh, that," Faith blushes a little, " Nothing, really. I just like old movies, you know? The ones in black and white? Sometimes I kinda like watching them in bed… I kinda snuggle in… God, this thing is old" Faith looks at it critically, turning her back on Willow. " I should get rid of it… it's a piece of junk, doesn't work half the time. But I've had it forever…"

" Faith, c'mere" Willow's tone has a soft note, with a throaty quality to it. Faith turns around, and sees the expression on Willow's face. It's soft, full of love and desire.

" I gotta finish lighting the candles…" Faith lamely gets out.

" C'mere now, you" Willow commands, in a soft way, " I want you so much now…" She holds out her arms

-_ Fuck the candles-_ Faith thinks to herself as she's drawn to Willow's outstretched arms.

She sits on the bed next to Willow, who attacks her, kissing her face and neck and lips… oh the soft, warm kisses, they light a million fires in Faith. She leans back on her arms, allowing the tidal wave of kisses to take her.

Willow begins to fumble with Faith's buttons, not relenting on the kisses, but getting Faith's blouse open. She pushes it off Faith's shoulders, and breaks the kisses for a minute.

" Oooo… look… boobies, " Willow giggles. She playfully reaches out and squeezes Faith's breasts, eliciting a sharp intake of breath from Faith. She can feel Faith's nipples straining against the material of her bra. " mmmm… nice… but nicer without this." She slides the straps of Faith's bra down her shoulders, and expertly reaches around and unhooks Faith's bra.

" You've done this before," Faith chuckles, noting the expertness of Willow's actions. " I'm beginning to think I'm not you're first". She giggles in the spirit of it. Willow just smiles and licks her lips as Faith's breasts are revealed to her.

" Mmmm… such pretty boobies, " Willow murmurs, running her soft fingers over Faith's breasts. Faith leans back and lets out a little " ooo" sound at Willow's touch. Big tingles run through her. " I sometimes think there's some guy in me, I like boobies so much." Willow coos, as she leans over, capturing Faith's breast in her mouth. She suckles it greedily, flicking her tongue over the hardening nipple.

" Oooo… uhhh… no guys here, " Faith says, falling back. She reaches under Willow's blouse, cupping Willow's breasts. Willow wiggles and coos her happy response.

She attacks Faiths breasts, working from one to the other, licking her warm tongue over them, taking the nipples in her mouth, and gently biting them. Faith is on fire, the fire going straight to her ever dampening sex. Willow maneuvers herself over Faith, straddling her, still working diligently on Faith's breasts.

" Hmmmm… don't know which I like kissing more… your boobies" Willow sucks on Faith's breast, " Or your sweet soft lips" She moves up, and kisses Faith deeply, penetrating Faith's mouth with her darting tongue." Hmmmm… just don't know". Willow moves her lips from Faith's breasts to her mouth, then her breasts, then her mouth, making Faith more than just a little crazy. " Gosh, I guess I just love 'em both equally" she giggles.

Faith growls playfully, and with little effort, rips the blouse off Willow. Also having some expertise in this area, she quickly disposes of Willow's brassiere. Willow laughs.

" Hey, hey greedy, patience… oooof!" she cries as Faith pulls her down on her, capturing Willow's breast in her mouth. Willow arches her back and moans softly, loving the way Faith is greedily sucking on her breast. Faith bites gently on the nipple, and that makes Willow go just a little nuts.

" Oh, baby, yes… do that… bite it… harder…harder" She pants. Faith complies, sending shockwaves of pain and pleasure through Willow. Willow starts to grind her hips against Faith.

Abandoning Willow's breast for the moment, Faith pulls her into a fierce, wanton kiss, tongues slashing and fighting, and loving, caressing and playing. The kiss lingers on and on, as they roll side to side holding each other.

Willow, not to be distracted from her mission, no matter how good Faith's kisses are, breaks away and begins covering Faith's chest and breasts with kisses. Kisses and licks and bites. Faith is helpless, just giving into the sensations flowing through her, body squirming. Willow, ever diligent, slides her hand down towards Faith's sex, and encounters her jeans.

" Oh… no, no, no, this'll never do!" Willow declares. She hops off the bed and starts to remove Faith's boots.

" What're you doin'?" Faith, bleary brained from Willow's manipulations, asks.

" Getting you naked, girl" Willow says, taking off a boot and tossing it over the railing. " Ooops… hope it doesn't hit anything." She giggles. She gets off the other boot, and it joins the first. There's a crash downstairs. " Sorry!" Willow giggles.

" You're bad, girl" Faith growls, and with a supreme effort of will, crosses her legs. " Uh-uh. No naked Faith til I see a naked Willow!"

" Oh, really?" Willow says coyly. She thrusts out her hip, and shakes her butt at Faith, " You wanna see this naked?" She smiles, looking over her shoulder.

-_ God, she's making me insane! How can anybody be that sexy and live?-_

" Get. Naked. Now!" Faith barks out. Her voice is hoarse with lust.

" 'K" Willow says, but she's not done teasing Faith. She starts a mini strip tease, taking her time lowering her jeans, wriggling her butt at Faith, rolling her hips, and cooing sexily. Faith is goggle eyed watching her.

Down to her panties, Willow hops on the bed, and stands over Faith. She starts to roll and rock her hips, giving Faith a very good show. She leans over, and whispers to Faith.

" If you want these off, you gotta take them off… with your teeth." She smiles.

Faith, breathing like a bellows, sits up, and reaches for the elastic of Willow's panties. Willow slaps her hands away.

" No, no, no!" She teases, thrust her hips towards Faith's face, " Mouth only, girl!" She gently rubs her crotch in Faith's face.

Faith uses her teeth and grabs the crotch of Willow's panties, pulling on them. She gets a taste of Willow's honey, and nearly goes wild, it's so sweet and musky. She pulls the panties lower, revealing Willow's flame colored bush. The hairs tickle Faith's nose, and she gently sneezes. The sight of Willow's sex, so close, so wet, overcomes Faith's willpower, and she grabs Willow by the buttocks, smooshing her face into Willow's mound.

Willow's head goes back, and she lets out a soft moan. Using every bit of her willpower, she pushes Faith away.

" N-n-not yet, b-baby" Willow stutters, her body shuddering, " goodies soon, but there's the matter of your nakedness."

Her knees feeling wobbly, Willow hops off the bed, and starts taking off Faith's socks. Revealing Faith's pretty feet, she leans over, and starts sucking on her toes. Giggles are heard from the other end of the bed.

" That tickles!" Faith giggles, wiggling on the bed. But she doesn't try to hide her feet as Willow sucks each toe in turn. Finally, Willow stops, and getting on the bed again, she moves up to Faith's hips. She loosens Faith's belt, and unbuttons her jeans. Reaching in, she gently caresses Faith's mound, which elicits a groan of pure pleasure from Faith.

" Somebody's nasty" Willow says, leaning over and kissing Faith's mound through her panties. Faith groans deeper, thrusting Against Willow's mouth. Willow looks up, an evil grin on her face. She rubs her fingers over Faith's panties. Then she waggles a finger at Faith. " Naughty, naughty… somebody's all damp. Gonna have to clean that up!" She licks her lips.

"You're such… a… tease!" Faith groans, as Willow grabs her jeans and panties, and starts sliding them down over Faith's hips. Faith lifts her butt up, to help the process along, and soon Willow has Faith just where she wants her. On the bed, on her back, and naked.

Willow takes a second to look at the naked Faith, and her heart thumps in her chest. –_God, she's so beautiful. So sexy and naked and beautiful. I wanna eat every little bit of her up-_ She giggles to herself.- _I think I just might!-_

Straddling Faith again, she slides her way up, until she is face to face with Faith, lying on top of her.

" Hi there, beautiful, " Willow whispers, and she kisses Faith deeply.

Faith responds, opening her mouth, sucking Willow's tongue into her mouth. Her hands wander over Willows soft, naked body, caressing her and holding her. Their bodies smoosh together, as the kiss, fiery and hot, lingers on. Both women coo and moan in pleasure. Willow finally breaks the kiss.

" Playtime," She giggles. Pushing herself up, she reverses herself, and slowly starts to kiss her way down Faith's body. As she moves lower, she thrusts her hips closer to Faith's face, giving Faith a very tempting view of her ass and mound. Faith, enjoying the view, wants a closer look, so she grabs Willows hips and pulls her closer to her face. Burying her face between Willow's legs, her tongue shoots out, caressing Willow's wet slit. Willow's hips wriggle, and she moans her pleasure.

Willow is no slacker, however, and is now face to mound with Faith. Sliding her arms under Faiths hips, she lowers her mouth to Faith's sex, giving it tiny, nasty kisses, the tip of her tongue sliding along the groove of her slit. She is rewarded with a generous taste of Faith's honey, sweet and musky and addicting. Soon, she needs more, much more, and starts thrusting her tongue into her sexy, tasty lover.

Neither one will relent, neither gives an inch. Both are remorseless and relentless in their attentions, finding new and nasty ways to thrust their lover into the stratosphere. The stimulation each gives to the other only drives them on, and soon they are a tangle of heads and arms and legs and tongues. The fire, the all consuming fire is beginning between them, and they are as one, wriggling and searching, going ever higher and higher and higher… and almost simultaneously, they leap off the orgasmic cliff together, floating in space through the stars as their bodies come, and come, and come again. For awhile they are lost, just floating, as one.

Neither one knows who moved first, nor do they care. Later they just find themselves wrapped in each other's arms, kissing, tasting each other off their faces. Giggling and laughing, caressing and pinching, but mostly, just holding each other, hearing each other's heart beating. They know this isn't the end of the night; it's barely begun, and more nasty, passionate and heated things will happen. But for now, they just hold each other, basking in the glow, drowsing sleepily.

* * *

Buffy sits in the tree, watching the window across the street. She smiles as the light comes on.

She's been staking out the house for a couple of nights, getting used to the occupants' patterns. She had to strike when the opportunity was just perfect. If the timing is just a little off, everything could blow up in your face.

She's learned well the lessons of sneaking out of the house.

She scampers along the tree limb in to the roof. She quietly as possible lands on the roof, and makes her way to the window she's been observing. Staying down so the occupant won't see her, she peers in over the sill.

Sitting at his desk, Connor is studying … or at least, he's making the pretense of studying. Actually, his mind is wandering elsewhere. He's feeling itchy. He likes school well enough, first year in college and all, he's pulling down decent grades. But he can't help remembering what he used to be; a demon hunter. Sure, he also remembers he was raised in a hell dimension( or at least, there's the knowledge in his brain. He can't really remember the experience in his blood). He 'knows' he's the son of two vampires, can you say, totally impossible? Yet, he feels the pull of his 'adopted' parents, more so than any loyalty or fealty he feels, or felt, towards Angel. But he also knows he owes his current happiness to Angel, who gave him up so he could have a 'normal' life.-_ Sometimes, it's all just too confusing to process.-_ The pull of blood, however, is strong. He's a hunter. He hunts and kills demons. He can't deny that, and right now, as the text of the History book he's trying to study swims before his eyes, he really doesn't want to.

And if he wants to be honest with himself, he's thinking about Buffy. He can't remember the last time he had so much time as they had when they went after those vamps who broke up his dad's memorial. –_ Yeah, ok, I know she thinks I lied to her about the vamps, but I didn't. I really did sense them. Just, they got away, somehow. I think she was pretty pissed at me, though she didn't say that. Brought me home, stood and took the bawling out my parents gave her. I really like her. And, ok, she's a little hottie. Older, yeah, but just makes her hotter. God, I'd so like …-_ His reverie is interrupted by a tapping at his window. Puzzled, he turns towards it, but doesn't see anything there. Sighing, he turns back to his book, trying to make sense out of the paragraph he just read. Again. For the fifth time. He's just starting to settle in again, when the tapping starts up. –_ Dammit, what's going on here?_- He gets up and walks to the window, looking out. But he doesn't see anything, and sighing impatiently, he returns to his desk. He's just sitting down when the tapping starts again, and now he's pissed. –_ Ok, that's it. Gonna find who's playing games with me. Probably my little sister. So gonna give her grief!!!_- He walks over to the window, and opens it. Sticking his head out, he starts to say, " Ok, Melinda, if that's you, I'm so gonna…" but he's interrupted… by a hand that grabs him, and pulls him out of the window. He's about to cry out when another hand covers his mouth. He struggles, but whoever's got him is strong… really strong. Even so, he manages to get an arm free, and elbows whoever's holding him. He hears an " Ooof " and suddenly he's free. He whirls around, only to be staring at Buffy, sitting on her butt on the roof, smiling at him. She winks.

" Connor? You ok? I heard a noise up there!" Connor's dad calls out.

Connor quickly reenters his room, and calls back down " I'm ok, Dad. I just kinda leaned back too far and fell out of my chair. I'm good!"

" Ok, son. Just be more careful. You know how your mother worries!" His dad calls up.

" Sure dad, I'll be careful!"

He turns around, and sees Buffy sitting on his windowsill, smiling at him. He walks over to her, a frown on his face.

" What're you doing here? You scared the hell out of me, grabbing me like that!"

" I'm sorry, Connor, I didn't mean to scare you. Just playing with you, " Buffy beams at him. " You ok?"

" Yeah, I guess," Connor grouses a little. Still a little humiliated that Buffy got the drop on him. "You still didn't say why you're here."

" Oh, guess I wanted to drop by and check up on you. Haven't seen you since Angel's memorial. And ummm… kinda wanted to apologize. Sorry for getting you in trouble. You know?" She looks around him, into his room. " So, cutie, whatcha doing?"

" Studying. History. Kinda boring, " Connor admits.

Buffy shudders. " Me, history… we don't get along too well," Buffy laughs, " my heart goes out to you." She stands up, " Well, I guess I better shove off. Just wanted to see if you're ok." She turns and starts to leave.

" Wait… Buffy!" Connor calls out, " is that the only reason you came by?"

Buffy, her back to Connor, smiles a little smile to herself. –_ Hooks in. Now, just carefully reel him in…_-

" Actually, " She shrugs as she turns around, " I was gonna see if you wanted to do some vampire hunting. But, if you're busy…" she makes a little ' sorry to bug you ' gesture, and backs away.

Connor hesitates for a brief second. –_ I should study. I should study. Uh, huh…and I'm letting her get away. Am I a moron?_-

" Buffy… wait! Let me get my coat!" Connor says, ducking back inside.

Buffy just smiles like the cat that's eaten the canary. She wriggles . –_ I'm good, oh, man, I'm really good-_

Connor comes out of the window, and closes it quietly behind him. Looking around, he makes sure he's not spotted, then joins Buffy on the edge of the roof.

" So, where are we gonna find vamps to fight ? Not around here. I could smell them!" Connor says, looking at Buffy for leadership.

" Oh, they're not gonna hang here. Not in the Valley. We're going downtown. My cars down there, " She points.

" Cool. But ummm… can't be out too late… don't want my parents to find me gone, " Connor says.

" Don't worry, Connor. It'll be cool," Buffy takes his hand, and leads him across the tree limb. " I'll get you home in plenty of time."

" Ok," He puts his trust in Buffy.

Buffy smiles to herself, glad to have someone with her on her adventure. A playmate.

- _Mmm… playtime­_- she giggles to herself, as they head off into the night.

" Buffy, I'm telling you, there's no vampires around here!" Connor says, looking a little bored.

" Damn, where ARE they?" Buffy pouts, standing outside the club. This is the third club they've been to, and still no vampires. " What happened? Did they all get religion, or something?" She looks discouraged.

Connor looks at his watch, " Buffy, I really should be getting home…"

" No, no, wait… wait, " Buffy says, stalling.

This little hunt has turned out to be a major bust. Every club they've been to have been vampire free. Not a demon in sight. Not even a mugger. But Buffy is itchy, and she needs to get some action. And Connor is getting antsy. – _Damn, this is so not how I pictured it. Gotta think fast.-_

It's then that the idea comes to her. She looks at Connor, trying to size him up. –_ Wonder if he's up for it? Ah well, he can only say no._- She walks over to him, and faces him.

" Look, Connor, I know a place. Guaranteed to have all sorts of demons and vamps. But… umm , it could get a little hairy, you know? So, gonna give you the choice. Wanna go?"

" Yeah, sure!" Connor puffs himself up, " I'm not afraid. Lets do it!"

_- That's my boy!- _Buffy thinks, as she smiles at him. " It's not far from here, so we can walk. Ummm… got that axe I gave you?"

Connor nods.

" Good, here, take this too, you might need it." Buffy reaches into her coat, and extracts a wicked looking knife. She hands it to Connor." You ready, eddy?" Buffy asks, taking his hand.

" You bet!' Connor says.

About 30 minutes later, after going through a series of winding alleys, they end up in front of a steel door. There's a sign over the door, saying simply " Hell's Bells". Buffy stops, and turns to Connor.

" Ok, now just follow my lead, ok? " Buffy says, quietly. Connor nods, and looks around.

" What is this place, anyway? Looks like a real dive. Kinda out of the way."

" Demon bar. They're not big on the décor, you know? And ummm… not really into advertising their existence, " She giggles. " We'll probably be the only humans in the place… "

" Cool "

" Ok, lets do it!" Buffy says, leading the way.

' Dive' is a charitable word for this place. It's dark, dank and smells strongly of Yak urine, goat entrails and pigs blood. The only light comes from the shaded lamps over the pool tables, the neon and lighted signs behind the bar, and the candles at each of the tables. The music in the background is a mixture of Rockabilly, country, and old standards. The floor is sticky with you don't want to know what, and probably hasn't seen a mop in months. The odor of tobacco and old stale vomit is prevalent, just beneath the surface. Conversations, as such, vary from muted to loud bellowing roars.

The bartender is human… well, he looks human, anyway. He's small, pale, of indeterminate age. From his over oily demeanor and obsequious ways, ' rat bastard' or ' snitch' would be proper nicknames for him. Somehow, someway, Willy managed to get out of Sunnydale before it became a big hole in the ground. He moved to L.A. and took over this 'establishment' from the previous owner, a Torka demon tired of the trade. He's currently wiping the counters with a rag that is in desperate need of washing. He hears a hush come over the crowd, and looks up to see an old familiar face. One that he's not all that happy to see.

" Hiya, honey, I'm home, " Buffy booms out, greeting Willy with a cheeriness she really doesn't feel, " And I brought a friend."

"Slayer!" Willy greets her, half false bonhomie, half warning to the clientele, " What brings you here? What can I getcha?"

" Nothing for me, Willy. I just heard you slithered into town, and I had to come by and welcome you personally, " Buffy says with a mocking tone, " so, how's business? Still serving up Yak urine to the dregs of the earth, I see."

" Now, slayer, " Willy grins unctuously, " I'm running a clean joint here. Not doing any of the old snitch stuff, you know?" this last is more for his patrons than for Buffy, who knows it's a lie," I don't want no trouble, ok?"

" Awww, Willy, it's really no trouble!" Buffy says, reaching over and slapping his cheek." Always glad to drop in on a … er…whatever."

" Slayer, we don't want your kind in here" A tall, three horned one eyed demon stands up, facing the slayer.

Connor starts to move towards the demon, but Buffy holds him back. "Not yet" she says, sotto voce.

" My kind?? Geeze I thought I added a little class to the place, Cyclops boy" Buffy sneers, " and anyway, I don't smell like last weeks dung heap."

Connor starts to move again, but Buffy again holds him back. " Wait" She says, quietly.

" Sorry, my friend here is a little antsy. I think he really doesn't like horns." Buffy addresses the demon.

" Get out, slayer, before I throw you out!" The demon threatens, taking a step closer.

" Really, blowhard? You and who's army?" Three large demons stand up, backing up the first demon. " Oh, that army."

She calls out over her shoulder. " NOW!"

And the fight is joined. Buffy and Connor lay into the demons, kicking, punching and using weapons to subdue them. Some of the less hostile demons and vampires make a quick exit, but the majority stay put. They, like the slayer, love a good fight, and it's been a long time. Soon the fight spills over, and it's no longer Slayer and Connor vs. demons, but rather demon vs. demon vs. slayer et al. Chairs are flying through the air, tables are tossed about, and a general melee breaks out. Connor, in fine form, lifts one demon and throws him over the bar, smashing the mirror and several rows of bottles. Buffy, using her sword, sends more than one demon head flying through the air. The fight lasts about an hour, and at the end of it, the only people in the place left standing are Connor, Buffy, and Willy the bartender, who wisely at the beginning of the fight ran to the back room to hide out. The other demons are either lying on the floor, dead, or have fled.

Buffy and Connor are leaning against the bar. Both have sustained some cuts and bruises, but on the whole seem to be in pretty good shape. Buffy is casually surveying the damage with a self satisfied smile on her face. Connor looks flushed and excited, and is grinning from ear to ear.

" That was… great!" Connor exclaims, pushing off the bar and kicking a headless demon.

" Yeah, it was kinda fun," Buffy agrees, nonchalantly. She looks at the demon head she's holding, and tosses it over her shoulder, breaking some more bottles. She laughs. " What a hoot. Did you see Willy take off like a scared rabbit?"

" Yeah, he's not much in the spine department, is …" Connor is cut off by the sound of a double pump shotgun.

Buffy looks up, and sees Willy standing in the doorway of the back room, holding a shotgun… aimed at her.

" Now, Willy, put that down before you hurt yourself," Buffy says, casually.

" Slayer!" Willy shouts, shakily, the gun also shaking in his hands, " I'm tired of you coming into my place any time you need to knock some heads together. Who's gonna clean up this place, huh? Who's gonna pay for the dam…"

Willy is cut off by Connor, who quicker than Willy can think , is on him, grabbing the gun out of his hands. He carefully throws it to Buffy, who catches it.

" Now, Willy. Don't you know? These things never help, " She breaks open the stock, and looks down the barrel. " Geeze, Willy, you didn't even load it." She shakes her head.

" I… I don't want no trouble!" Willy reverts to form. " I called the cops…"

At that moment, the wail of a police siren can be heard.

" You what?" Buffy says, excitedly. She glowers at Willy.

" Yeah, and they're coming, so you better…" But Connor, at Buffy's gesture, decks Willy, leaving him in a heap by the wall.

" C'mon, Connor, we better get the hell outta here," Buffy says, waving Connor to follow her.

" Hey, we're just fighting a bunch of demons… what can they do?" Connor protests. He's still revved up.

" Umm… sweetie, do you really want to explain this to a bunch of polyester wearing donut eating cops?" Buffy says, surveying the place.

" Let's go," Connor sees her point, and makes for the exit. Buffy follows quickly behind him.

They run for ten minutes down various twisting alleys, finally winding up god knows where … but they seem to have lost the cops. Both of them are tired from the fight and running, and lean against the wall, panting.

They stand silently, listening for cops, standing close together, really close together. Almost as if on cue, they look at each other, and Buffy's post slay reaction kicks in. She moves closer to Connor, and leans in on him, putting a hand on his chest.

" You did real good back there, " Buffy says, breathlessly. Not from exertion. " You're dad would be proud of you." She leans in a little closer.

" Really?" Connor says, feeling the heat Buffy's giving off. He feels excited and nervous at the same time.

" Yeah… I do. I think, " Buffy says, sliding her hand around his neck, " I think," Looking up into his eyes, " I think you deserve a little reward, don't you?" She leans in very, very closely, sliding her other arm around his neck. Her lips are scant inches from his.

" Really?" Connor repeats, in a whisper. Gulp!

" Oh yeah, " Buffy says, pulling his head down, she kisses him. Warmly. Very, very warmly. Not at all sisterly like. Connor slides his arms around Buffy, and returns her kiss. The kiss lingers on, then she finally pulls away.

" mmmm… that was nice, " She says, softly, " but I can think of something even nicer." She brings her hands down, and begins to unbutton his shirt, one button at a time, planting a soft kiss where each button she opens was.

" B-B- Buffy, what're you doing?" Connor says, nervous and excited.

"Giving you your reward, cutie" Buffy says, kneeling down before him. She strums her finger over his crotch, feeling his excitement. " I see I'm not the only one that gets all hot and bothered after a good fight". She smiles up at him.

-_ This can't be happening. It's got to be a dream. Oh god, it's happening. Don't, please don't let it be a dream!-_

Buffy starts tugging at Connor's belt. At that moment, a bright light shines on the two of them.

" Hold it right there, Miss. I need to ask you and your boyfriend a few questions about a bar fight a few blocks over". The cop approaches them, hand on his holster.

- _Awww, shit!!!-_ Buffy thinks as she stands up.

* * *

Faith, half asleep, sighs contentedly. She glances at the mop of red hair attached to the head lying peacefully on her breast, snoozing lightly. She gently strokes Willow's back, holding her close, so close. Willow, reacting in her sleep, cuddles even closer.

Faith is supremely happy. She's happier… hell, she can't ever remember being this happy. They've made love so many times, Faith has lost count. – _If you look up insatiable in the dictionary, a certain red-haired witch's picture is going to be there. I can't… god, I've never been with anyone that just … oh my. God, Angel, I get it now. I so get it. Perfect happiness… no wonder it was so hard to give it up… I can see you losing your soul over this… hell, I think I'm losing my mind…_- . All Faith knows is she feels near sated… -_well, close anyway. I mean, if Red wakes up and wants to go again, who am I to deny her, huh?_- Faith feels giggly and silly… and is loving it.

Faith shifts in the bed, snuggling deeper into the covers, letting herself start to drift off. She never has been so exhausted in her life. Never felt so… right. So perfect. This moment is perfect. Her happiness is complete. – _Nothing can ruin it now…nothing…-_ she thinks, as she starts to drift off.

BBBBBZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ .

_- Nothing except maybe that!- _Faith's eyes fly open, her irritation growing.- _Who the hell could be here at this time of night?_- For a moment, she considers ignoring it. She settles back down, trying to let sleep claim her again…

BBBBBZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ .

-_SHIT!_-. Faith struggles to get up, as gently as possible, not to disturb Willow. But it's too late, because Willow's eyes are open, looking at her.

"Whazz that?" Willow says, half asleep. Her eyes are so heavy, she can barely keep them open.

Faith smiles. –_ God, she's so cute-. _She starts to get up, gently letting Willow down back onto her side of the bed.

" It's ok, baby. It's just the buzzer. I'll see who it is . " Faith sits up, swinging her legs out of bed. " You go back to sleep."

" No, no… I'll get up," Willow yawns, trying to sit up. She makes it about half way, then falls back onto the bed. " Or, maybe I'll just stay here and keep the bed warm. That's good too, right?"

" You betcha it is , sweet thing, " Faith leans over and gives Willow a peck on the lips. " I'll be right back, promise."

Groaning a little, Faith hauls herself out of bed, and stumbles around, searching for her robe. –_ Cold, cold… god, cold.-_ She finally finds it, and wraps it around herself. –_ I probably look like I've gone ten rounds with Mike Tyson. How'm I gonna explain that one?. Uh… who gives a rat's ass?-_ Muttering to herself, she pads downstairs.

BBBBBZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ .

-_Stop it already, I'm getting there as fast as I can-_ Faith grumbles, reaching the front door. Hitting a button on the inside of the door, she releases the lock. She grabs the door and swings it open quickly, startling Kira, who's ready to press the buzzer again.

" Faith!" Kira exclaims.

" Well, yes, this is my place, so kinda makes sense I'd be answering the door, don't you think?" Faith growls at her.

"Oh… yes, of course, I mean I… well, I just was startled… I mean… I didn't expect… god…"

" Kira, do you have a clue as to what time it is ?" Faith grumbles.

" I'm sorry, Faith. I know it's late, and I didn't want to disturb you, but…"

" Faith? What's going on, baby? Who is it?" Willow calls out as she appears next to Faith. She puts her arm around Faith's waist, and leans against her.

" Willow?" Kira says, looking at Willow, then at Faith, then back to Willow again. " Willow?" She breaks into a huge grin.

" Hi, Kira, " Willow smile sleepily, " Whazzup?"

" You two… you and Faith… I mean… does this mean… I … you're … I …" Kira gets to stumbling over her words in her excitement.

Willow smiles, and hugs Faith tighter. " Uh-huh" she says, breaking into a big grin herself.

" This… this is … this is so… oh god, this is wonderful!" Kira finally gets it out. Impulsively, she rushes over the threshold and hugs Faith and Willow, nearly knocking them over in her enthusiasm." This is just… oh, my god!"

Faith, despite her irritation, can't help laughing at Kira's antics. " Whoa, down girl. You're gonna kill us here!"

" Oh…sorry… but…but… but…" Kira is beside herself.

" Ok, ok, enough buts here, ok?" Faith says, amused. Then she frowns. " Ok, now, what's so important that you're waking us up at …" she looks at the clock near the door,"… 2 am ?" It's then that she notices that Kira is fully dressed. She gets suspicious. " Ok… what's going on? Why're you dressed? You should be in bed…"

Kira remembers why she's here, and her face falls. She goes a little pale.

" Uh…now… don't get mad, Faith, ok?" Kira pleads with her.

Willow's expression gets somber. She's beginning to get worried.

" Kira, honey, what is it?" Willow asks, gently.

" Kira, just tell us, " Faith says, trying to hide her impatience, but not doing a great job of it.

" Faith, please, promise… ok?" Kira appeals to Faith.

" Alright, Kira… I promise," Faith tries to calm her voice. " Now, tell me."

" Ok," Kira pauses, then continues. " It's Buffy…"

" Oh, boy!" Faith says, sounding defeated.- _What NOW?-_

" She's with Connor…"

" Uh-oh, " Willow says, not liking how this is going.

Kira hesitates. She knows what's coming.

" Kira?" Faith looks at her impatiently.

" … in Jail " Kira ducks.

" BITE ME!"

* * *

4 a.m., Lobby of the Hyperion Hotel. Los Angeles, CA.

Buffy walks into the lobby of the Hyperion hotel, staring at the ground, looking, if it's possible, repentant and defiant at the same time. Her expression is grim, her fists are balled up. She walks to the center of the lobby and plops down on the guest sofa.

Following quickly on her heels is Faith. Her face is pale; she has bright pink spots on her cheeks. Her lips are tightly compressed into a straight line cutting across her face, and her eyes are narrowed. She looks like she's ready to explode.

Flanking Faith is Willow, trying to calm her down. She's doing her best to act as mediator between the two slayers. She's not succeeding too well.

Following in the rear are Kira and Giles. Both have worried expressions on their faces. They know this is bad, really bad.

Faith quickly closes the distance between her and Buffy, and grabs her by the shoulders, lifting her to her feet. She starts to shove her towards the lobby office.

" You. In the office. NOW!" Faith snarls, shoving the blonde slayer before her. Buffy stops and turns, shoving Faith back.

" Knock it off, Faith! I'm not a child, don't EVEN try to treat me like one!" Buffy sets her jaw, and her body, right where it is .

" Then stop acting like a brat, B. Get in my office!" Faith gets right in her face. She glares at Buffy, doing her damnedest not to hit her.

" No! If you've got something to say to me, _F, _say it to me here and now!" Buffy sits down again, arms folded across her chest.

Willow, trying to head off another fight, sits down beside Buffy. " Buffy, please. Don't be stubborn. Just go in the office with Faith, ok?"

" Et tu, Will? No! If she wants to say something to me, let her say it here. In front of everybody."

Faith looks at Buffy, at the attitude she's taken. She sees a defiant child, caught stealing candy, trying to bluff her way out of it. She shakes her head, and her expression turns to one of contempt.

"What's the point, Buffy?" Faith asks, her voice calm, " Why should I waste my breath? You're not gonna change. You'll act sorry, you might even go a night or two without getting up to something. But as sure as vamps suck on Type-O, you'll be up to some stupid stunt again, sooner or later… and my money's on sooner."

" What's the big deal, anyway?" Buffy says, petulantly, " So I trashed a demon bar. Big whoop! I mean, I probably did the world a favor, slaying some demons."

" What's the big deal?" Faith shakes her head in amazement, " You trashed that bar. Like it or not, it's a legit place. The bar's owner is pressing charges. And you took Connor, a minor, in a bar. Not legal in this state, girl. And his parents are hopping mad… so mad, their talking lawsuit. Do you get that? Their gonna sue. They're already getting an injunction against not ONLY you, but all of us. We're not to get within 100 feet of him again, or we go to jail. Plus, and this just really icks me, you tried to… you were about inches away from giving Connor a blow job, literally." She looks at Buffy, who's giving her a blank expression. " Is ANY of this getting through that thick skull of yours?"

Buffy sits there, tight lipped, not saying a word. Faith glares at her. She glares at Faith.

" Do you have anything to say for yourself?" Faith barks, "or are you going to sit there like a spoiled child and sulk?"

" What's the point, Faith?" Buffy mocks, " I mean, you just said it yourself, I'm just a spoiled, bratty child. What does it matter what _I _think, anyway?"

" Don't you get it, B? I got you out of jail on bail. You're charged with a crime. A Felony, you nitwit. You're damned lucky Connor's 18, or you'd be in a whole bigger world of hurt. Do you have a clue what's going to happen to you?"

Buffy sits silent as a rock.

" You'll go to trial. With all the evidence, you're probably looking at a conviction. That means, a fine, or jail, or both. A criminal record, a felony conviction. That just doesn't go away. I know, Buffy. I've been there. It's not fun time, believe me." Faith starts pacing, " Oh yeah, I got lawyers, probably could get you off with a slap on the wrist, or a fine. But you know what? I'm thinking, why should I?"

" Faith!" Willow speaks up, " you don't mean that. You can't let Buffy go to jail."

" Why not? How's she going to learn, Will, if she doesn't take responsibility for her actions? If I keep bailing her out of these messes, how am I helping her? She'll just figure it'll go on forever. I can't be playing babysitter and den mother to her forever."

" You know she's been having problems, Faith, " Willow says, " And with Angel's death…"

" Does she have a world exclusive on caring about Angel's death?" Faith spits out, then thinks better of it. She turns to Buffy, " B, I know … you loved him. You loved him a lot. I know that. And his dying… it was especially hard on you. But god, do you think he'd be happy with the way you're acting?"

Buffy just frowns and stares at the floor.

"Why am I talking? Why am I even trying here?" Faith throws up her hands. She walks to another side of the circular couch, and sits down, facing away from Buffy.

Willow comes over and sits next to Buffy. She puts her hand on Buffy's . Buffy shakes it off. Willow's brow furrows, but she lets it pass.

" Buffy, we've been friends forever. Right?" Buffy nods." Won't you tell me what's going on? Why you're acting this way?"

" Acting what way, Will? I know… ok, tonight was really… stupid, I know that. But damn, I'm just trying to let off some steam.. crap, what'm I supposed to do? Sit around here like a nun and stare at the walls?"

" Buffy, c'mon. You've been acting wild. You've been all over the place, getting kicked out of this place, breaking up that place, getting Kira drunk, getting Connor in trouble… I swear, you're acting like…" Willow trails off.

" Like what?" Buffy arches a brow, " Like… ummm… Faith?"

" Whoa. What the hell ? Yeah, ok, I was wild… not gonna say I wasn't… but I was a teenager… remember, B? Seventeen? Way over? You're acting way over the top."

" Wasn't gonna say that, " Willow mumbles.

" Really doesn't matter. Cuz everybody's acting like a stick around here, " Buffy grumbles. " God, have you all so ' grown up' that you've become like mini- Giles or something?"

" Excuse me?" Giles puts in, testily, " just because I don't go around busting up bars or getting thrown in jail, doesn't mean I'm a stick, thank you."

" Give it up , Giles, " Buffy says, " You have your shirts custom stuffed"

" One doesn't have to act like a prattering burke to have fun, you know" Giles says." I don't know what's happened to you, Buffy, but this 'new' you isn't very much fun to be around, frankly."

Buffy mutters something to herself.

" I'm sorry, I didn't hear that, " Giles says, pointedly.

" I said, you wouldn't know fun if it came up and bit you on the arse, " Buffy smirks. No one laughs.

" I see. Well, we could sit here and trade insults all night, Buffy, but that wouldn't really get to the heart of the matter, would it?" Giles comes over and stands over her, looking down on her. " You're acting like a bloody fool, and this is not acceptable. You're not a child anymore, Buffy, as you so wisely pointed out to me back in Sunnydale," Giles' jaw tightens, " So why are you acting like one?" Giles shakes his head, " frankly, you're current behavior is disappointing. Prior to your recent actions, you've always managed to act responsibly without losing your sense of humor or sense of fun. Now, you're simply acting like a sullen brat. To put it in your vernacular, exactly what IS your trauma, Buffy?"

" Oh, gee, daddy, I've been such a bad girl. Gosh, are you gonna put me over your knee and spank me now?" Buffy gives Giles a look, " betcha you'd like that, huh?"

" Buffy!" Willow says, shocked. She's never heard Buffy talk to Giles like that.

" Oh, grow up, Will, " Buffy shakes her head, " I mean, an adult hangs out with teenagers … kinda suggestive, don't ya think?"

" Buffy, that's just plain sick, " Willow looks disgusted, " Giles had reason to 'hang out' with us. You were the slayer, remember? He was your watcher. God" Willow gets up, wanting to get away from Buffy.

" Gee, Will… any sicker than going all dark and veiny and trying to kill all your friends… that is, before you decided you'd rather destroy the world…"

" That knife cuts both ways, Buffy. Seems I remember you tying up all your friends in your basement and trying to kill them, because you thought you were some crazy girl in an asylum in L.A." Willow glares at her.

" Yeah, well, I was under the influence of some demon drug…" Buffy smirks," What was your excuse? Oh yeah… Tara… well, gee, seems you got over losing the love of your life pretty well, wouldn't you say, Willow?"

" Buffy, that's enough!" Giles exclaims.

" Oh for god sakes, Giles. What're you gonna do? Bore me to death with more of your arcane and useless knowledge?"

Buffy doesn't see the punch coming, and finds herself flying across the room, ramming up against the reception desk… where she slides to the floor onto her butt. She puts a hand to her mouth, looking at it. Her lip is cut and bleeding. She grins and looks at Faith.

" Well, well. That's the Faith I know. When reason fails, just punch it out." She stands up, a little dizzy. She leans against the desk. " Nice one, Faith."

" I've heard enough of your crap, B. You're beef's with me. So leave Willow and Giles out of it, before you lose what few friends you got left."

" Yeah, friends, swell," Buffy laughs , " sweet". She leans on the desk, wiping her mouth.

" You know, B, I just don't get it. You used to be top of your game. Now…?" Faith shrugs.

" Know what, _F? _You never got me, ok? So don't start trying now." Buffy frowns.

" Oh, I get _you_, B, better than you think," Faith's tone changes, softens, " I get it real good. You used to be the one, B. The only one. You used to be in the spotlight, the leader of your little " gang ". It all revolved around you. Now, that's over. You and Willow made every potential a slayer, and you're not special anymore. The spotlight's gone. You feel left out, bypassed. Nobody wants you, nobody admires you anymore. You're on the outside now, looking in. Wanting desperately to be accepted. To be part of it, to feel the light shine on you again. Oh baby, I know that one too well, " Faith walks over to her , facing her. " Now you got a small clue how I felt when I came to SunnyD. I know it hurts, to feel rejected." She leans closer, leaning on the desk, " thing is, Buffy, I don't want that for you. I want you to be part of it. I've got plans, B, something we can do to make our lives mean something. I want you with me, B. You can shine again, Buffy. But not like this… not acting like this." She leans in so her face is nearly in Buffy's face, " I care about you; I do. We all do."

Buffy stares at her, then a small sneer comes on her face.

" Fuck you, Faith. You don't give a rat's ass. You're doing this because Will asked you to. That's all. Don't try to snow me, girl." Buffy shoves off the desk, turning her back to Faith. She starts towards the stairs.

" You're a moron, B, if you don't realize I care. But then, I guess it's true… nice girl, not too bright. So, where you going, B?"

" Anywhere but here. Don't think I can take much more of the ' love ' in this room, " Buffy says, starting up the stairs.

" Ah, well, Buffy," Willow calls out, " So, when the going gets tough, Buffy gets going… gonna run away, again?" Willow is still stinging from Buffy's earlier remarks.

Buffy turns, an angry expression on her face. " Does it really matter, Will? You won."

" Won?" Willow looks and is puzzled," What're you talking about?"

" You got her, Will. She's yours. So, how 'bout being a gracious winner and backing off."

" B, what the hell are you talking about?" Faith gets a strange look on her face, " You're talking crazy. Won? What the hell does that mean?"

" You still don't get it, do you?" Buffy looks at Faith with a sad smile." You still think you know me, Faith?" She descends the stairs, but stops at the bottom," You don't have a clue about me. Do you?"

" Buffy, I don't understand…" Faith turns to Willow, " Red, do you know what she's babbling about?"

" You don't see me, Faith. You look right through me. Like you always have." She starts walking slowly towards Faith. "I'm invisible to you, aren't I?"

" B, what the hell's wrong with you?" Faith asks, taking a step back. This is creeping her out.

" Are you afraid of me, Faith? Is that it?" Buffy stops, looking at Faith," What's wrong with me Faith? What makes me…" She stops, looking lost and confused.

"Buffy? Are you ok?" Willow sound concerned. Maybe a little wigged.

" Will? " Buffy looks at her as if she sees her for the first time. " You're still here?"

" Buffy!" Now Willow is major wigged.

" B, let Red alone. This is about you and me," Faith moves over towards Willow protectively.

" You and me?" Buffy starts to laugh. It's not a happy laugh, " You and me? There is no ' you and me', Faith. You… you never even wanted to be ' you and me'."

Faith, thinking Buffy's hysterical, walks over and slaps her. Buffy stares at her, and touches her cheek where Faith hit her.

" Do it again, Faith, " Buffy whispers. " Please?"

" NO! God, Buffy, " Faith backs off. This is getting way too twilight zone for her.

" Please, hit me again, Faith. So I know you see me?" Buffy gets on her knees. " Please."

Kira, who's been watching this as if it's a very bad Television soap, seems to come alive.

" Buffy, what're you doing? Stand up!"

" Kira?" Buffy turns to her, and smiles. It's a sweet, soft smile, " Hi !" She stands up, and faces Kira. " She doesn't see me, you know… right? I mean… she's never seen me, you know?"

" She sees you, Buffy. I know she does."

" No, I mean, really see me, Kira, " Buffy seems to have forgotten anyone else is here, " She … she's like a force of Nature. I mean, the first time I met her, she was… awesome…do you understand? I'd never seen anyone like her before… not really… and she was a slayer… like me… you know?" Buffy pauses for acknowledgement from Kira, who nods. Faith and Willow and Giles are staring at her," She was…beautiful, and strong, and free… so free, Kira. She was… what I wanted to be… and here she was… just there. I was … overwhelmed. I never felt anything like that before." She stops, looking confused. " Angel… I loved Angel… I still love Angel… but … she was… more, so much more!" Buffy turns and points at Faith, " Look at her, Kira… look… she's … she's beautiful… she's a goddess…" She turns back to Kira, her expression sad. " But … she never even saw me… never even … she couldn't see what I felt for her. God, I couldn't tell her… could I? No, of course not… I couldn't feel that way about another girl… could I?" She looks at Kira pleadingly." I was 17 going on 18, and I didn't know about that kind of stuff. It was wrong. What I was feeling… I tried to deny it, push it away… but it was strong… so strong…" Buffy shivers. " Being with her, patrolling with her, was so hard. Because I wanted her so badly, and couldn't… everything seemed to fall away when I was with her, and she … just thought I was this little tight-assed middle class cheerleader. A stupid, empty-headed blonde that just stumbled into being a slayer… she thought I was pathetic."

" B! I never thought…" Faith starts to protest.

" Shhh… not talking to you!" Buffy says, and turns to Kira. " She… was disgusted with me, I know it. But I tried, I really tried. I tried to become like her. Dress like her, act like her… but it was so … pathetic… I see that now…" Buffy's face goes bleak, " then… that night…that awful night Alan Finch died… she… oh my god… she thought I turned on her…but I didn't … I wanted to help her… god, I wanted to hold her, tell her it was alright… but she cut me out. She thought… she thought I would betray her…" She turns to Faith, " How could you think that? I loved you, more than anything. I would've done anything to help you… but …" she shake her head. " She left me, you know? She went over to the Mayor… she wanted to punish me… for letting her down, I know that's it." She turns to Faith again, " you were right that night at the dock, Faith. I was… I wanted to be like you… I wanted it so much. If you'd only … said you wanted me… I would've run with you… oh god… I nearly killed you baby, that night on the roof. I only wanted to scare you… make you hurt some… like you hurt me… I, oh god, Faith I'm so sorry." Buffy sinks down again, sitting heavily on the floor." When you fell off, when I thought I'd killed you… I wanted to die… I wish Angel had killed me…"

" Buffy" Willow, seeing her friend fall apart, wants to rush to her. But Kira holds her off.

" I came to see you, Faith. In the hospital. I didn't tell anyone, they wouldn't understand. I kept it secret… but I was there…" She looks up, " I had to stop you, Faith. When you came back bent on revenge. I had to. Because if you managed to hurt or kill someone, they would've hunted and killed you… don't you see? I couldn't let you do that to yourself… or to them…I didn't want them to catch you. I could've stopped you in that church, but I let you get away… don't you see?" She laughs bitterly, " and you got away alright… and ran straight to Angel. You thought I was jealous of you… saw you as taking Angel from me… isn't that right?" Buffy's face has hardened. " You… idiot, I was jealous of you alright… but more so of him, because he could have something with you… something you couldn't or wouldn't give to me. Because I meant nothing to you. Nothing."

" I was 18, B, scared, sick in my head, and running… what did you expect? Roses and puppies?" Faith looks at her bewildered. " And boy, did I think you hated me! You sure made all the noises like you did!"

" I was 18, confused, trying to convince myself I was in love with someone I wasn't, you with my first love… and so much wanting you, needing you, that I would've still done whatever you told me to do."

"Then you were gone, in prison. I thought I'd never see you again. Ever. I tried to get on with my life, but guess what? Empty doesn't even begin to describe it. I went on, did what was expected of me, but it was hollow. I got a sister… oh, yeah… Dawn is… I love her ,and would do anything for her… but… it wasn't you, Faith. And my mother died… oh, god…" Buffy starts to tear up.

" I'm so sorry about your mom, Buffy, " Faith says, earnestly, " I really liked her."

" I miss her. You know what? She really saw how much you suffered. I didn't realize til I became you, exactly how much you suffered, Faith." She looks down at the floor again, " that just makes me love you more…" She stops. " What else is there? You came back to Sunnydale to help with the First. Willow brought you. I was falling apart, and here you are, looking all together and cool, just like you used to." Buffy laughs and shakes her head, " and the first thing I do is punch you." She looks up at Faith, her face shining, " when what I wanted to do was grab you and kiss you till those beautiful lips of yours bled."

" B!"

" Buffy!" Willow cries out.

" No, no, no! I lost already, I know. I … I just want to be honest. She never wanted me, Willow, so don't get angry." Buffy stands, and walks towards Faith, but is addressing Willow, " I see how she looks at you. I see the love she has for you, Willow. and it's beautiful. I wouldn't hurt that for anything, because I love you both. I do, I really do!" She's standing next to Faith now, and turns to her. She tilts her head, and looks deep into her eyes. " If you'd only looked at me that way for a second. For only the tiniest of seconds… if I'd only seen that spark there for me…" Buffy starts to slide down. She wraps her arms around Faith's legs. " I would've done anything for you. I would've been your slave, Faith. You could've asked me to do anything, and I would've done it gladly. Just one tiny second Faith… just one." She clings to Faith.

Everyone seems frozen. Willow looks sad and shocked. Giles looks pale, and is wiping his glasses, over and over. Kira has the strangest look on her face, and is staring at Faith. Faith just looks uncomfortable.

Before anyone can move, Buffy is back on her feet. She's grabs Faith and is kissing her. Faith, taken by surprise, at first doesn't resist. Then she starts squirming and struggling, and finally pushes Buffy away, hard, throwing her across the room.

Buffy lands on her butt, and starts laughing. It's a hysterical laugh.

" God, I'm such a loser…" She stands, and the laughs turn to sobs. She looks around, frightened, then runs out and up the stairs.

For a second, nobody moves. Everybody is too shocked. Then Kira starts towards the stairs.

" Kira, where are you going?" Faith calls out, starting towards the stairs.

" After her, " Kira says, hitting the stairs first. But Faith catches her, and grabs her arm.

" No, I think I should talk to her. You stay here."

Kira turns on her, and her face is livid. She shoves Faith, who not expecting it, drops down two steps.

"What the hell?" Faith is surprised.

" Stay away from her! Haven't you done enough?" Kira says, her voice hard.

" WHAT?" Faith's flabbergasted.

" God, Faith, are you so blind? Didn't you even see a little bit of it? All these years, and you didn't get a clue of how she felt? Do you want to destroy her? Is that your plan for her? Drive her to an asylum? Didn't you hear a word she said? And now you want to go up and make NICE with her?"

Faith stands staring at Kira, open mouthed. She doesn't respond.

" God, she's right. She IS invisible to you. She doesn't need you, Faith. God, you're the LAST thing she needs. She needs someone who cares about her. Someone who can see what she can be… that's so not you!"

" That's crazy talk! I care about her!"

" Oh, really? Then how come she has to … god, you're hopeless Faith. You got what you want, you've got everything. You've got Willow. Well, just leave Buffy alone. She doesn't need you. She needs …"

" What? You?" Faith is contemptuous." You don't even know her!"

" I know her better than you. In the few weeks I've been with her, I know her better than all the YEARS you knew her! I know I care about her… I know I love her! And I know, you don't care shit about her!"

" YEAH? WELL YOU'RE CRAZY. I LOVE HER TOO!"

The silence in the room is deafening. Faith goes red, then white. She turns to Willow.

" Like a sister, Red. I love her like a sister! God, not… "

Willow just stands, staring at her.

" I think you better go to Willow, Faith. I'll take care of Buffy." With that, Kira disappears up the stairs. Leaving Faith feeling like an idiot.

Faith walks down the stairs, and over to Willow.

" Red… you gotta know… I only meant I love Buffy like my sister… please… you get that, right?"

Willow has a tight smile on her face. " I think I do, Faith. I really think I do." She looks sideways at Faith. " Question is, do you?" She starts towards the stairs. " I think I better go to my room, now. Kinda tired." She starts up the stair, and Faith makes to follow her. She turns back. " Alone. Right now, I think I need to be alone, Faith. So do you. We're tired. We'll talk in the… shit, it's already morning … when we've gotten some sleep." She goes up the stairs.

Faith, looking dazed, moves back to the guest sofa. She sits, looking confused. Giles walks to her and puts a hand on her shoulder.

" They're wrong, Faith. And once they've had time to think about it, they'll realize that. There's no way you could've known how Buffy felt, " Giles pats her shoulder.

" I didn't? " Faith says. " I didn't? So tell me something then, Giles."

" What?"

" How come I feel screwed?"

* * *

To be continued.

Author's note: **THIS IS STILL A FAITH/ WILLOW STORY**. Don't EVEN think anything else.


	22. Part 22

Independence

By Norwalker

Part 22 of

Summary: What did Willow and Faith discuss in that little car trip from L.A. to Sunnydale in season 7? And what were the consequences? A Willow/ Faith story

Rating: R, Very R

Category: romance/drama/angst

Spoilers: Possible season 7 spoilers. Possible season 4 Angel spoilers. C'mon, you must have seen 'em by now!

Time Line: Mid season 7(after the return of Faith) and beyond

Disclaimer: Joss Whedon , Mutant Enemy and Fox own them.

Warnings: Adult themes, violence, sexual situations between members of the same gender. Please be aware, character death is always a distinct possibility. It can happen here, so don't say I didn't warn you!!! Any racist remarks are spoken by the characters, and are in no way shared by the author. This story is not meant for children.

* * *

Los Angeles

Yesterday evening

The four of them sit around a small table in one of the numerous " Irish Pubs" that's located in Los Angeles.

Liam, Peter and Layne sit quietly awaiting instructions from the fourth member of the group, who goes by the name Sean. He is somewhat older than the others, and his face and hands reflect the many political and physical battles he's been part and parcel to. His dark eyes are hard and piercing, his nose aquiline and sharp, his lips long but ungenerous, seeming to be naturally compressed most of the time. His brown hair is shot through with gray, and his brows seem to be permanently furrowed.

He looks over the group, quickly dismissing Peter and Liam, and addressing himself mostly to Layne.

"So, how did our Faith take the tidings you brought her?"

" To put a fine point on it, ' our ' Faith wasn't at all pleased with the news, " Layne replies. Her tone is moderate, but holds a slight edge. Unlike her cousins, she is somewhat skeptical of this so-called clan elder. Experience has taught her that hero worship in any form only leads to disappointment.

" Well, naturally, having one's plans derailed, or at least sidetracked, would tend to make one … testy? But I guess what I really want to know is how she handled it?"

" Oh, well enough, I suppose. She was clearly not happy, but she took the news calmly enough, " Layne smiles a small, bitter smile, " but I don't think she's going to just lie there and take it, Sean. I suspect you'll still have a fight on your hands."

" Aye, no doubt about it, " Sean nods," she's a fiery one, that one. Very full of her own ideas and ideals. She's young, the young tend to be that way… thinking with the heart, and not the head." He shakes his head, " tis a pity , really. She could be a good leader, with some seasoning…"

" She is the one, Sean. The one in the prophecy, " Layne says, quietly, " She is supposed to lead us into a new age."

" The ' prophecy' is bunk, lass. You know that, " Sean's voice gets gruffer, " written 400 years ago by a madman. A call to arms by a fool and a dreamer, is what it is . "

" Be that as it may, " Layne doesn't dispute his words, " most of the board holds it to be valid and sacred. She is _their_ leader. How do you plan to overcome that?"

" Most of the board is made up of dolts and dreamers. They're like sheep, following whatever comes along. They need to be… educated in the realities of life. What this little hellion is proposing is to change the clan in ways that are… too radical to contemplate. We've survived for millennia because we've taken a cautious approach in our fight against the old ones. We've become powerful and influential by staying in the background, nudging and coercing, not fighting and making war. At least, not being at the forefront of war. Ours is a unique place in the balance, and what she proposes… would change all that, throw us out of kilter, rend to bits the very delicate web we've woven. It can't be allowed, don't you see?"

" I see fear. I see resistance to change. I see a group of old fogies stuck in the past, " Layne smirks, " yet, I too agree that what she wants to do goes somewhat too far. We'll need to change, but you can't do it overnight. She doesn't have the patience or the skill to lead."

" Which is why you came to the ' old fogies', isn't it Layne? Because you want to lead the clan in her stead."

" Aye, Sean, I'll make no bones about it. I deserve to lead the clan. My family is older, our contributions greater, yet somehow, by some strange coincidence of birth, she's picked over me to lead… and it's not right, " Layne's eyes narrow, " She's not even Irish, for god's sake! She's American… and her heritage is Black Irish. Such as it is ."

"Am I detecting a wee bit of snobbery, here, Layne? After all, the Hearne branch has been out of favor long before Faith was made leader. Ever since that little do involving your great grandfather in Newcastle West . Seems to me a bit of the fox declaring the grapes to be rather untasty."

" That was a long time ago, and it's different. Nothing was every proved about my great grandfather," Layne's expression is rather tight, " However, the hijinks of our current 'leader' seem to be public record. Quite a colorful record, indeed."

" Indeed, so you would save the clan from an unsavory influence, is that it, Layne?" Sean's look darkens, as he glances 'round the table, " indeed, I'm sure there's no one sitting at this table, " this last remark is pointedly directed towards Layne," that hasn't done a thing or two that they're not ashamed of."

" Now, wait a minute…" Peter leaps in to Layne's defense.

" Quiet, whelp. I'm not here to defend our current 'leader', nor am I here to besmirch anyone here. Quite the contrary, Faith is a danger to everything we've worked for all these centuries. I'm not about to sit back and allow our purpose to be corrupted by some … deluded child with a mission. I've got the best of my group working on the board now, bringing them around to our way of thinking. I suspect by the time Faith shows up at the next meeting, it'll be all over except for her cleaning out her office."

" Good, that's for the best, right?" Liam, to this point, puts in, " I'm thinking Faith is showing the stresses of being at the helm, so to speak. She was quite…upset by the news, even if she hid it well. Taking it personally, I think." He nods his head. " Anyway, as Sean said, the old ways have served us well, all this time. Why change now?"

" Exactly, lad. Well put, " Sean says agreeably. He notes the expression on Layne's face, " now, I'm knowing that change is coming… don't fret, lass. But it has to be brought slowly. We can't be going willy-nilly into some new plan. Things have to be done with some thought. I know you'll use some wisdom and discretion before instituting change in the clan."

Layne nods curtly in acknowledgement. She's not happy being at this table. She likes Faith, thinks she's got real fire, but she's all wrong for leadership. Her idea is right; change needs to come to the clan. But you can't cram change down the throat, you have to introduce it gradually, mixed in with some honey to make it go down sweeter. When she becomes leader, that's the approach she'll take. Slow and gradual.

" Now, we've agreed, right? Nothing is to happen to Faith, per se. She is after all, the living embodiment of the prophecy. She's a symbol, one that we'll use wisely when the leadership is returned to those with more experience. She's not to be harmed in any way, yes?"

" Of course not. She's Lehane. We don't go around killing our own, you know that, Layne, " Sean avows.

" Indeed, I know your reputation, Sean. It wouldn't be the first time that someone 'disappeared' or wound up dead, conveniently for your purposes, " Layne looks at him with a hardened expression." I'll be watching. She's not to be harmed, am I clear? There won't be the Orangemen around to blame."

" Don't be ridiculous. There's no need for violence, or threats, Layne. All is going according to plan."

" Good, we're done here, then," Layne says, standing up. She gestures to the others they're leaving. " We'll see you next month, then?" She's anxious to be away. She doesn't like this ' old warrior' much.

"Aye, next month" Sean nods.

" Goodbye then, Sean. Peace to you." She turns, and followed by Liam and Peter, departs.

" And to you lass," Sean says to their departing backs.

Sean leans back in his chair, and sits awhile alone. Taking a coin out of his pocket, he begins flipping it idly, checking the results on each toss. A small smile creases his well worn face.

" Heads or tails, lass, I win." Sean talks to himself in a low voice, " I fear things will not quite go as you plan, Layne. I know this Faith too well; she has the gift. She can persuade even the most stubborn to her 'cause'. Even with all we've done, it' won't be enough. Ah well, " He pockets the coin, " we'll just have to use other methods to still her voice, I suppose. ' Tis a pity, that."

Reaching for his glass, he stands and heads towards the bar.

* * *

Hyperion Hotel

Mid-morning

Buffy flits nervously around her room, unable to settle down.

She's hiding out. Hoping the maelstrom she started … -_God, was it only hours ago?-_ … would blow over, so she could escape quietly. –_ Sneak out, don't you mean? Don't really want to see anyone, do you Buff? Not after last night. God, when you look up loser in the dictionary, my picture's right there. Shit, what've I done?-_

Buffy's face is red, her eyes swollen from crying, a desperate, almost haunted look to them. She hasn't slept, she can't sleep. She's too upset; her mind keeps going over and over the fight in the lobby earlier this morning. She hears the words come out, in her voice, but she can't , won't believe she's talking. But she knows it's her. She sees the faces of the others; every little detail.

She sees the shock and anger on Willow's face. – _God, she must hate me. I betrayed her._- She sees Giles looking at her as if he's never seen her before, and he's not liking what he sees. Kira looks as if she swallowed something vile. –_Well of course. I'm not good enough to even think of 'her' Faith that way. Of course she thinks it's awful._-

The worst is Faith. The look on Faith's face is killing her. Surprise, yes, but also contempt, mixed with pity. As if Buffy were some hideous, nasty new species of bug that just crawled out of a crack… something she has to kill, but is so fascinating in its horribleness. When she opens her heart for Faith, let her see what's inside, when she clings to her, asking for one tiny sign that it isn't just her… she feels Faith stiffen in revulsion. Then she does the unthinkable, she grabs Faith and kisses her. She puts it all right there, in her kiss. And Faith throws her across the room in disgust. Buffy sees the truth then, over and over. She's vile, she's … nothing… she's never meant anything to any of them, especially Faith. True to form, she runs.

Buffy flings her suitcase on the bed, opening it and starting to throw her things into it. She can't stay here any longer… not now…not with the way things have …the way she made things. –_ I've ruined everything. How can I stay here and look at them, pretend nothing happened? Everything happened, and I'm… shit, I wish I were drunk! God, I wish I were dead, anything so I could stop thinking about it!!!!!_- But she can't. It keeps playing over and over in her head: what she said, what she did. What they felt. All she has left now is to run. Run far enough away so they can't find her.

_- What makes you think they'd look? Why do you think they even care? Maybe this is for the best. It's all out in the open now, you know how they feel, they know you're insane-o. Good. Maybe I can go away from here, forget them, forget her… forget… her lips, her taste… how? The way she felt in my arms, even if only a second… how do I forget that? Well, doesn't matter, you've got to forget, forget it all. Nobody left… Dawn. She's left. She'll stick by me, right? Can't count on it, Buff. Have to start standing on your own feet. Get away, make your own life. Let them go. So what if … never mind… don't go there. Just go!-_ Buffy finishes packing, closing the case and looking around to be sure she didn't leave anything. In her haste, she didn't pack the pictures adorning the dresser and night stand. Growling angrily to herself, she starts to collect them, then stops. –_ No, clean break. No reminders, no memories. Start new.-_ She knows it's the only way. She has to leave everything and everybody behind. Carrying the bag, she crosses to the door, then stops. Slowly, she turns around, and goes back to the pictures.

She stares at each one, as if burning it into her mind. The one with her and Will and Xander, all smiling happily. Nothing special, they'd just goofed off, but everybody was happy… that day. The one with her and Dawn, Dawn giving her a noogie. Right after she flipped Dawnie on her back and tickled her til she peed. One with her and her mom, Buffy in her cap and gown from Sunnydale high, posing as Xander took the shot. Her mom looked so proud and happy. Buffy smiles, remembering. The one with the three of them in their robes, Xander in the center, giving Willow and Buffy the horns behind their heads. A small copy of the last formal shot they had with the whole family: Dad, Mom, Dawn and her…- _just before the divorce, pretty much. Or they decided to divorce, anyway.-_ Then the two she had of Faith. Both taken that one Christmas Eve she came over to Buffy's house. One caught Faith unexpectedly. She had a smile; not her usual smirk, but a shy, happy smile. Her heart starts to beat faster looking at it. –_ Don't know how mom managed to get it. But she's so… beautiful…-_ Buffy's lip begins to quiver. She looks at the other one. It's after she got back. After it snowed for the only time ever in Sunnydale history. Like the kids they were, they'd gotten into a snow fight… Faith beat her, of course, and when it was over, Buffy looked like a drown rat. But Joyce took their picture. Arms around each other, Faith grinning happily. Buffy looking less pleased. Buffy puts it face down, not wanting to look.

She turns, and starts towards the door again. Then she stops, curses herself, and turns around. She opens the bag, and on impulse, scoops all the pictures in, and then shuts it. –_ Ok, I know I said clean break. But it's part of my life…-_. This time she's ready. She grabs her suitcase, grabs her purse. –_ Outta here. So gonna get lost, no one'll ever find me. Well, she'll never find me, anyway. Better that way!-_ She marches with determination to the door, pulls it open…

And something … or someone … tumbles into the doorway. Buffy takes a step back, and Kira bonks her head on the floor, which interestingly wakes her up. She sits up, and seeing Buffy, smiles sleepily.

" Hey, Buffy." Kira rubs her head, " Ouch." She looks and sees Buffy carrying a suitcase. " Where ya going?"

" Kira? What the hell? What're… what's going on here?" Buffy, surprised, drops her suitcase. She walks over to Kira, and looks at where she hit her head. " Well, doesn't look like you hurt yourself too badly. What're you doing at my door?"

Kira gets a strained look on her face. " Buffy, if you don't mind…I've been squatting at the door for like four hours. I really…" She gets up and runs towards the bathroom… then stops. " Don't go nowhere, but I gotta pee so badly…" She runs into the bathroom and the door shuts behind her.

Buffy sits on the bed, amused despite herself.-_ What am I doing? I should go while she's in there.­_- Buffy stands, ready to grab her suitcase, then sits again. - _It wouldn't be right. She sat there for … four hours? Is she nuts?… I can at least wait til she's done peeing. Give her five minutes and boom, I'm gone._- Buffy looks puzzled, as if she can't understand why Kira would sit at her door for four hours. –_ Maybe Faith stuck her there. To keep me from bolting. Well, forget that one._- Buffy stands, grabbing her 'case. She starts for the door.

" Oh, that's so much… Buffy! Where're you going? God, can't you wait a minute? Crap…" Kira rushes over to her, trying to block her way. " What's the rush, for goodness sake?" Buffy, as gently as she can, moves Kira out of the way.

" I'm leaving , Kira." Buffy says, going out the door.

" Why? I mean, what? You afraid some deep dark secret is going to come out? One we _don't know_?"

Buffy stops, frozen. She turns around, her face red. She glares at Kira.

" Face it, Buffy. You pretty much made a jackass out of yourself last night. And look I'm still here! How much worse can it get?"

" Yeah, why ARE you here?" Buffy growls, low. " Faith stick you here? Tell you to keep me here until she can humiliate me herself?"

Kira makes a face, " Oh, please, Buffy. Get over yourself. You think you're the only thing Faith has to worry about? Or even, the most important thing?"

" N-No…" Buffy says, her voice, her attitude defeated. " She doesn't care … that's pretty clear from last night. God, what did I do?" Buffy shakes her head and turns, " just let me go, ok? I'm really … god, I just need to get out of here!"

" What you need, Buffy, is a good spanking." Kira says, firmly." God, you're a spoiled brat."

" WHAAAT?" Buffy turns beet red.

" So, Faith doesn't love you? Well… boo hoo. Get over it, Buffy. Maybe if you'd opened your mouth sooner, rather than sit and nurse your pain and feelings, maybe things would be different. Well, they're not different, so get over it!"

" Just like that, huh?" Buffy turns, dropping her case again, and going to Kira. She gets in her face, " Just snap my fingers, and boom, what I feel is gone. Is that it? God, what do YOU know anyway, Popsicle stick? You ever EVEN been in love? Do you know what it's like to love someone so much, you can't breathe? Do you? DO YOU HAVE A CLUE AT ALL????"

" Maybe, " Kira says quietly, not backing down," maybe if you weren't so self involved, you'd see it."

" You too?" Buffy says, misunderstanding. Her mercurial mood changes, and she's all sympathy, " God, we're a pair, huh? I mean, being in love with Faith, but trying to get Willow and her back together. God, must be torture for you, working so close and all with her, feeling like you do, and then boom, her old flame shows up, and …" She reaches out , and touches Kira's face. " You're braver than me, I gotta say. I can't do it. I can't be here, look at her, be around her, and pretend I don't feel what I feel. I'm not strong like you. I gotta go." She walks over and picks up her suitcase again. " Good luck, Kira. Don't pine away for her like I did, ok? Find somebody else you can love… I don't want to see you wind up all screwed up like me, ok?" She smiles a sad little smile, and starts walking away.

" HEY!" Kira calls out, " STOP YOU!" Kira rushes up to her.

" What IS it Kira? I told you, I can't …"

But Buffy doesn't get to complete that thought. Kira grabs her, shoves her against a wall, and lays a toe curling kiss on her. Buffy struggles against her, and pushes her away… as gently as she can.

" Kira, what the hell are…"

Kira shuts her up with another kiss, again Buffy shoving her away.

" Stop it. STOP IT!" Buffy growls, when Kira makes to kiss her again, " WHAT ARE YOU DOING?"

" Kinda obvious, don't you think?" Kira asks. A satisfied little grin on her face.

" Yeah ok, Duh! I know what you're doing. WHY?" Buffy asks, wide eyed.

" You know, Buffy, that little thing you did down in the office yesterday? Acting like a bubble headed mall rat? I thought it was an act. I really did. But I'm beginning to believe you're really an airhead, get it?"

" Well, thanks, Kira. Nice to know what you think of me, " Buffy says, sarcastically, " love you too, babe!"

" No, dumbass, that's the problem. You DON'T love me. You love Faith… god knows why, but you do. Instead of someone who maybe could love you back. Someone like me!" Angrily, she shoves Buffy, then walks across the hall, leaning against the opposite wall. She stares at Buffy.

Buffy for her part, feels like Cletus the slack jawed yokel. She's speechless.

" First time I saw you, Buffy, I was in the lobby downstairs, talking to that moron, Darren, looking out the window. And you walked in the garden, and boom. It was … you glowed, I swear, you glowed. All golden like. I'd never seen anyone like you… God, I lost my train of thought looking at you. That's NEVER happened to me before, with anyone!" Kira sighs, " then Faith brings you in and introduces you, and I see this woman, a little on the short side, but so damned…god, so damned… anyway, I'm like flustered 10 ways from midnight. You were so cute and sexy and hot… and you smiled, and it was this polite smile, I know, but God my heart just leapt in my chest. Leapt in my chest! God." She blushes, "stupid, huh? Then Faith wants to go for drinks, and I try to back off. Not because I don't want to, not because I'm some kinda temperance do-gooder type, as you like to think . Naw, I … for the first time in my life, I was afraid to be out of control, not knowing how I'd act around you, thinking you'd think I was some kinda … damn." She hits the wall behind her with her fist, " Ow. How do you do that?" She shakes her fist, cuz it hurts. " I never felt like that before. God, not about a girl, anyway. Shoot, I never even thought about girls that way, til you. Get it?"

Buffy nods. She doesn't trust herself to speak.

" Me, Ms. Straight Arrow, getting all gooey and giggly over a woman? No way! I like guys. I like guy parts. I like to get wriggly with guys. Yet, here I am, sitting in a bar, after you two dragged me there, sitting across from you, trying to peek down your blouse! I've never done that before in my life. I sat there, and as you yammered on about something or the other with Faith, I was wondering what you looked like naked. Wondered what it would be like to hold you naked, me being naked too. Wondering what kissing you would be like. I was sitting there, scheming on ways I could ' accidentally' spill my drink on your blouse. So I'd have an excuse to …" Kira goes red.

Buffy stares at her, goggle-eyed.

"That first night when I had to go looking for you? When I found you in the club? When I saw you dancing with those guys, getting them all hot and bothered? I was so totally jealous. I wanted you to be doing that to me. I wanted you to pay attention to ME. Never mind watching you made me so hot I nearly… god, I can't believe I'm saying this… I nearly wet my pants. Oh, and dumbass. You think you ' forced ' me to get drunk? Get real, girl. You're not the only one with feminine wiles. God, you're easy, that way. You thought you were ' corrupting' me, girl. And I let you think it, because it made you happy, I thought. Shit, I could probably drink you under the table, girl. I acted drunk, baby. I wasn't drunk. Dope!" She laughs at the amazed expression on Buffy's face. " My sister didn't exaggerate, Buffy. I'm the wild one in the family. But you saw me one way, and hey, it was easier to let you go on thinking it. Know why? Cuz saying no to you is like…magic. I say no, and boy you're all over me, turning on the charm, putting on the moves, doing whatever it takes to get your way, brat! Yeah, brat! But I loved it, because it … it was you, and … " she changes tack." Why do you think I was so eager to help you get Faith and Willow together? Never mind I didn't have a clue how you felt about Faith, and it obviously was some kind of self flagellation thing you had going on. But it meant more time with you, scheming with you, scheming how I could get you alone, finally, after they were ' together' and … well, frankly, jump your bones. "

Buffy, ever silent, stands with a small " O" plastered on her mouth.

Kira looks Buffy's face over carefully, looking for some kind of response. She smiles sadly, " You see, Buffy? Faith isn't the only one not seeing things. How many anvils do I gotta drop before you get a clue? Why do you think I hang out with you so much, even when it gets me in trouble with Faith? Why do you think I get irritated when you almost beg me to go out, and I can't, and you can't understand. Why do you think I spent the last four hours squatted by your door, when you kept telling me to 'Go away, I hate you, go away, I don't want you, go away Kira, go away?' Why do you think I'm here, now, Buffy?" She walks over to Buffy, and cups her face in her hands, " Don't you think I'd do anything to make the hurt go away, Buffy?" Kira says softly, rubbing her thumbs against Buffy's cheeks. " Don't you know it breaks my heart to see you hurt like this? But I can't do it, Buffy. I can't make you whole. I can't make it go away. Only you can do that. Won't happen today, or tomorrow. Who knows when it won't feel like you wanna die?" She lets her hands drop to her sides." It's the shits, Buffy, I know. I know how you feel, believe me. I can feel the pain, so much. Until last night, I didn't know it… because I didn't feel it. I'm feeling it now." Kira pauses, trying to keep her own anguish and hurt from coming out. " I'm going to hurt while you hurt, Buffy. Because there's no room in your heart for me right now. She has it, and boy, that really hurts. I can't fix you Buffy, but if you'll let me, I'll help."

Kira looks for some kind of reaction from Buffy. Anything that tells her she wants to move on. But she gets nothing. Kira's shoulders slump, as if defeated once again.

"Ok, babe, I get it. Better than you think. I can't do miracles. I can't be you, Buffy. I can't go around and eat myself up wanting something I can't have. I'll be patient, Buffy. But I won't stop living. Not because you love her. I'm sorry, I won't"

Kira turns, and starts down the hall. She pushes her tears down, not wanting Buffy to know she's hurting. She reaches the stairs, and looks back. Buffy is still standing there, looking blankly at the floor. It takes every bit of her will not to run to her, and shake her, and cover her with kisses. Anything to make her come alive.- _Can't help her if she doesn't want it.-_ She turns, and starts down the stairs. She hears a crash, and stops. She looks again, and Buffy has put her fist through the wall, staring at it as if she didn't know what she was doing. She looks up at Kira, her face red and full of pain.

" Help me? Please? Help me?" Buffy cries out softly. She leans against the wall, her fist still stuck in the hole. She doesn't cry, she doesn't sob. She just calls out in a plaintive voice. " Please, help me…"

Kira rushes up the stairs, and helps Buffy to extract her hand from the hole. The hand is cut and bleeding. Buffy looks up at her, her eyes pleading, bright with unshed tears. Her lip quivers, but she won't let herself cry. Instead, she leans into Kira. She lays her head on Kira's chest. She starts to shake. Kira puts her arm around Buffy, and pulls her close.

" I'm s-so sorry. P-Please, help me. I d-d-don't want t-to feel like this anymore."

Kira gently guides Buffy to her room.

* * *

Los Angeles

Afternoon

Willow Rosenberg is doing some aimless window-shopping on a lovely L.A. afternoon. She stops occasionally at something that catches her eye, but mostly she's just walking around.

She needs to get away from the Hyperion for awhile. She needs to think, without Faith or Buffy being so close at hand.

She can't understand how things could go from being so wonderful to being so dreadful in a few short hours. To her it was as if the Powers that Be really were having a joke at her expense. All of their expenses, actually.

Last night with Faith had been beyond awesome. There was sweet, and tender, and playful, and rough, and downright nasty( _where DID Faith get those inventive little toys, anyway?_ She wondered.). But the most beautiful had been how attentive, how focused Faith had been on her. As if she'd been the most important thing in the world, as if nothing else mattered. Beyond simple pleasure, Willow had felt loved like she hadn't felt in a very long time.

She should've known it wouldn't last. –_ Does the good stuff ever go on? Not in my experience._- Kira had shown up, telling them how Buffy had once again gotten into trouble. With Connor, and now both were in jail.

They'd hastily dressed and gone down to bail them out. Only to run into the Riley's, Connor's parents, who were there for Connor. The recriminations, the threats of lawsuit, of criminal action if ANY of them ever came near Connor again, didn't help Faith's temper, which was already up and running.

Buffy only made it worse by acting nonchalant about what happened. Faith was near livid, threatening to leave Buffy right where she was. Buffy just shrugged and in a defiant tone said go ahead, who cares? If Willow hadn't interceded, and pulled Faith aside to calm her down, there's no telling what would've happened. Willow noted out of the corner of her eye, as she was talking down Faith, that Giles was talking to Buffy rather sternly, very out of character for him. Buffy's expression just grew more and more sullen, as far as she could see.

The ride home had been in a strained, chilly silence, only punctuated occasionally with a rude comment from either Buffy or Faith, which was answered with barely more than a grunt from the other.

Back at the Hyperion, in the lobby, things just went into meltdown mode. Willow has to give credit to Faith; she tried to talk to Buffy privately, but Buffy wasn't having any of it. –_ God, she can be so damned stubborn!_- But it looked like a typical fight between the two, recriminations all around. Giles, Kira and Willow had decided wisely to stay out of it. But Buffy included them, and that finally led to the weirdness.

Because Buffy lost it totally. She broke down, and revealed she loved Faith, loved her for years, since almost when she first met her. She went over the top, hopped the wall, and ran straight into insane-o land. She yelled, she cried, she grabbed Faith and almost kissed her feet… then she grabbed her and kissed her like… Willow shudders, remembering. Faith pushed her away; more, she tossed her across the room. Buffy ran out, crying.

But to Willow, that wasn't the strangest or most troubling. It was after, when Faith and Kira started fighting as to who should go talk to Buffy. It got heated(- _Holy macaroni, I didn't know Kira felt like that about Buffy!­-)_, tempers and passions raised, and then it came out. From Faith's own lips.

" YEAH? WELL YOU'RE CRAZY. I LOVE HER TOO!"

Willow felt like someone had hit her with a sledgehammer. Of course, Faith immediately said tried to take it back, saying she meant like a sister, Buffy was like a sister. But Willow had heard the tone, the passion… and she didn't know.

So here she was, wandering around, window-shopping, and trying her best to sort all of last night out in her mind. That Faith loved her? She didn't have any doubts. Faith more than proved that last night.-_ She didn't fuck me last night, she made love to me. She… was there, all there, with me. I could feel her reactions, how she felt… I know she loves me._- That really isn't what's troubling Willow. It's her heated confession of love for Buffy. It didn't sound like the kind of love Willow feels for Buffy. Because there's no doubt Willow loves Buffy… Buffy is like her sister, the sister she never had. She can share anything with Buffy, and know that private stays private. They've got their problems, they aren't as close as they once were, but that happens all the time. Push come to shove, Willow would stick by Buffy, and she knows Buffy would stick with her.

But the way Faith said it last night, at the top of her lungs, with the kind of passion… it didn't sound like that. It sounded like hot and heavy, wanna get naked and fuck your brains out kind of love, a lover's love. –_Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe I'm still insecure about Faith's love for me. Maybe I put something there that wasn't there._- But that was hard to reconcile with what she witnessed. Because it wasn't even the words, or how she said them that threw her, but the expression on her face. -_t was in the heat of the argument, sure. Faith was pushed to her limits with everything that happened that day, sure ( note to self, find out what happened in the office that day with Faith and those people). Faith was really upset with Buffy's latest prank. Got that.-_

But to Willow, the look on Faith's face said she believed every word she said as it came out. –_ So now I gotta wonder, does she love Buffy too? I mean, does she think about Buffy as a lover? I know for awhile, way back when in Sunnydale, I suspected that there was more than the bonding of sisters when they started hanging around with each other almost exclusively. I kinda wondered if something more wasn't going on… but then Alan Finch died, and everything went blooey, and that ended. But did it? Are there some like residual feelings on a deeper level there? I know for a really brief time, after Oz … god, can that still hurt after all this time? Yikes! After Oz left, and when Buffy was kind of drifting, guy wise, I felt some things… I guess I shouldn't have felt. Buffy IS a very attractive, and warm, and lovable… whoa, Will, lets really NOT go there. Aren't things weird enough? Just saying, I can see the attraction. But…-_

What bothered Willow was she was very monogamous in her feelings. She tended to be extremely faithful to whom she was with, and she had a hard time understanding loving more than one person at the same time. –_How can she do that? I mean, how can she love me and Buffy at the same time. Oh, sure, I get that you love each person differently. I know my love with Faith is very different than my love with Tara. Tara loved me in a sweet, gentle way. It was peaceful, and enriching and goddess, so simple. Faith, my god, it's… here and there and everywhere, and drama? God the drama… and so passionate that sometimes I feel like I'm melting and oh god do I love it when she makes me melt. It's crazy … and I love the crazy! But how do you make room for two in your heart? I mean, in that way? How can two people get you feeling all squishy and crazy and needing more? Make you feel on the edge and safe at the same time? How…do you feel like that with two or more people? Maybe it's like, she loves me for some things, but Buffy arouses other feelings in her. Isn't it supposed to happen that way with one person though?-_

No matter how she tried, Willow couldn't wrap her mind around that. She couldn't get loving more than one person at a time. So now she had to find out. – _Who does Faith love. Really love?-_ She knew she had to go and talk to Faith now. She couldn't put it off any longer.

She had to admit to herself, she had been putting it off. She avoided Faith this morning, as much as possible. Faith, for her part, hadn't exactly run after her, wanting answers, either. Both sensed it wasn't time yet. But it was now. She had to do it now, as soon as she could.

_-If it turns out that Faith loves Buffy, wants Buffy instead of me … oh crap … there's that burning feeling… damn…ok, settle, Will. If she does, then best to do it now, get it done. I know that I'll just have to leave if that's what the what is. I can't be around her if she … oh, crap, stop crying!!!!! Get a grip, Willow!! Ok, ok, I'm ok… if she loves Buffy… then I can't be here. I gotta go. Faith's like a drug to me. A bad , bad drug that I crave with every bit of me, and if I stay, I'll go crazy. No, I gotta know. So I can go, and really, really make a new life for myself this time. Really, really try to forget her. Yeah, that's gonna happen… shit. Doesn't this ever get easier?-_

_-Doesn't it?-_

_

* * *

_

Evening

Hyperion Hotel, Lobby

Faith stands behind the reception desk of the Hyperion hotel, reports spread out over the counter. There are projections, personnel reports, personal profiles, costing reports, and a variety of other documents spread along the long curved counter. On the desk area she has a laptop connected to the T-3 line she's had installed in the Hyperion. She's in intense work mode, trying to put together her now exploded plans.

For the briefest moment, a few hours back, she just wanted to throw up her hands, yell at the top of her lungs, and run away as far as her legs and whatever money she had in her pocket could take her. She couldn't believe that little over a month ago, everything seemed so ok, she was top of the world, and ready to conquer.

Now, in little over 24 hours, her life has gone into the toilet, and she's struggling to save it from the whirlpool. She picks up another folder, trying to study the projected figures on the page, but the words and numbers just keep swirling around crazily. She can't think about this. Too much had happened.

The last two days have been just too much for her. -_First I go all blubbery in the garden, and Willow has to lead me away like a baby_(_ok, not going to get all negativo on that… the after snuggling… yeah, that was better than fine). Then there was that strange dream.­- What did that mean? Watch out, your friends are gonna screw you is what I got out of it. Ok, great, but which ones? Right now, it seems like everybody is angry in one way or another with me. Well, except Giles, and with him who can tell?- Then Liam, Peter and most of all, Layne shows up. Oh fun that was. They sat there perched like fucking vultures, while telling me that the board is reconsidering my plans… and that I better come up with something good in a month's time, or it's over. Like, didn't they get it the first time? But no, some members are getting all squiggly because they might actually have to do something for once. GOD, are they a bunch of bozos, or what? What do they want? Blood? Shit, I'm putting my everything on the line here, and they want justification. Oh, and if Layne thinks I don't know she's jonesing for my job? She's a bigger moron than I think she is. How can she be related to Kira, who's probably 1000 times smarter than she is? Yet, she's the matriarch of her family, and what she says, goes. Crappolla shittola deluxe!!! And what about Kira, anyway? Is she with me, or is she working with Layne. Crap, that's just what I need… not knowing! Who can I trust, anyway?_

A big grin breaks out on Faith's face. –_ Well, ok, it wasn't all bad. God, I was blown away when Willow came to me… and so wanted to…to. Man, that girl. What she does to me is illegal… and should be bottled. Who woulda thought lil mousy Red, Buffy's geeky friend, would turn out to be such a … is there such a thing as a witchy slutty tigress, anyway? Don't know, but if there is, Willow's picture is right there. I gotta know how she does that 1000 finger thing… I swear, it feels like her hands are all over me everywhere at the same time. Shit, I nearly lose my mind when she does that. Oh, but don't ever stop doing it, baby !!! hmmm… doubly yummies. Shit just thinking about it is getting me wet!-_ Faith chuckles.-_ Got her back though. Loved how her eyes went like saucers when I pulled out my little toy. Boy did she squeal when I used it on her. Thought I was killing her til she started gasping out " harder, harder fuck me harder." Shit, that girl is insatiable. Scared me shitless though, I gotta admit. She got this funny look on her face, like she wanted to make it a permanent attachment… she wouldn't, would she?- _Faith shudders. That's just a little too weird to contemplate. –_ But boy, she's not one to lay there and take it. Doin the sweaty with her is way tiring… and then, she gets to paddling my butt. Ok, really didn't think I was gonna like that… til she started the rubbing and kissing … oh, crap, I gotta stop thinking about it, or I'm gonna never get anything done!!! Never mind I've run out of panties, and I so need to do laundry!-_ Faith picks up another folder, and starts to review it. Anything to get her mind out of the bedroom. She studies it for awhile, but then her mind wanders again, and she throws it down in disgust.

-_ What the fuck am I gonna do? I.am.totally.screwed. Willow's gonna so leave my ass, and how can I really blame her? After last night. And Buffy. God, Buffy!! Well, at least now I've got a clue why she's been acting crazy. But it's insane. She can't really feel that way, can she? That's just nuts!!! I never- ever- ever encouraged that… did I? Ok, so I was a little wild at that age, well who wasn't? Except maybe Miss stuck-up-prim-and-proper-goody-two-shoes Buffy. Seems not so prim and proper, though. But I never like… came on to her, did I? Hell no! Ok, now with Xander, we got sweaty and wriggly. Cool beans. But Buffy? Sheet, girl. I figured she'd have a heart attack if I ever… did I want to, though? Well, shit, she was cheerleader cute. Who doesn't like pom-poms? And she's got way cute pom-poms. Oh stop, Faith, for god's sake! I never … well, ok I teased her once in awhile, and maybe I flirted a little with her, but hell.. that was just kid stuff. And ok, we got a little sweaty in one little dance at the Bronze. And shit, why am I remembering this stuff so damned well No, no, no, no, no, no and way NO! I love Red, I don't love Buffy. Simple. She's just well, like maybe there was a tiny little crushing there for a little while. She was a slayer, too, and you know how that goes. We worked and fought together, and got you know how it is after slaying… hungry and horny. So yeah, ok, maybe just a little horniness there after. But nothing real, nothing like serious. Not for ME, anyway. Right?_

" YEAH? WELL YOU'RE CRAZY. I LOVE HER TOO!"

-Shut up, head! I was pissed off, and I didn't like what Kira was saying to me. I love Buffy, sure, like I love a sister! Not like I love Red. But boy, that look on Red's face… oh shit O'Leary, I'm so dead!!! She looked like she just swallowed piss, for Christ's sake. Man, why did I even say that? I didn't mean I loved her, loved her. I just meant I cared about her. I mean, c'mon, she makes me crazy, and every time we meet, she fucking punches me in the face!… kiss me til my lips bleed? Wonder what… STOP IT!!!

" YEAH? WELL YOU'RE CRAZY. I LOVE HER TOO!"

- STOP IT. I DON'T LOVE HER, I LOVE WILLOW! …the lady doth protest too much… yeah, well, you're full of crap! Yeah, ok, there were times, especially in prison, when it was late at night, and I had some fantasies… but that was all it was, and that was before I really got to know Red, ok? Shit, she's a little blond hottie, who WOULDN'T fantasize about her once in awhile… and hey, not like I was getting any. Think I wanted something from those skanks in the joint? Never mind I kept my distance because I had way too many shivs pulled on me. Naw, it was just like fantasy, you know. That's what all of this is, fantasy. Because, it aint real, it aint happening, I got who I want, and that's…

" Hi, busy?"

Faith looks up, startled. Willow is standing by the counter, smiling at her. She flushes a bright pink.

" Red, hi. Busy. Umm… kinda. Going over some stuff here. But hey, always time for you!" Faith makes like the employee who's been caught daydreaming at their desk. That is, she starts trying to look busy and involved.

" Really? Cuz, to me it looked like you were kind of doing the woolgathering thing."

" Me? No, no, I was… that is, I'm … what did you want?" Faith stumbles over her words.

Willow can't help laughing. Faith being distressed, at least right now, is just so cute to her.

"What's so funny?" Faith asks, aggrieved.

" You're funny, you goof!" Willow giggles, reaching out and touching Faith's arm. " You obviously weren't looking over these reports… you were standing there with this goofball expression on your face."

" I was not… huh?" Faith looks confused.

" Poor baby, I've been standing here for five minutes, and you didn't notice me!"

" Oh… OH… god, Red, I'm so sorry… "

" Don't be, silly. Just tell me what was going on in your head that was so fascinating!!!"

" Nothing, " Faith says. She sees Willow's face get serious, and her eyebrow arch. " Ok, ok… I … was thinking how screwed I was…"

"Are you, Faith? I mean, are you feeling screwed?" Red looks at her with a sidelong glance, trying to divine her feelings.

" Everything is just falling apart, Red. I mean, everything I've been working on for the last year… it's going to hell. And then, last night, of all nights, Buffy goes whacko and decides she loves me… what's that about?"

" Yeah, I've been meaning to ask you about that. What WAS that about… especially later, with you and Kira?"

" Oh, god, Red…" Faith pleads," I… I was upset, and I was angry, and I didn't like what Kira said… I was … I said … I didn't mean what it sounded like, don't you see? It… oh, crap, I don't know… I mean, I do know… I love YOU, Red, only you…"

" Faith, I'm really not trying to persecute you here, honey. But when you said it last night, I saw your face, and it looked like, and sounded like, you meant it."

" Look, Willow, I'm not going to lie to you. In the past, I admit there were some feelings I had about Buffy. Ok, it's not unnatural, you know… and I admit at times, IN THE PAST, I fantasized a little about her. But it was never serious, Red. NEVER! And , that was before I really got to know you. Know how wonderful, how beautiful, how damned special you are. You… you're the good thing in my life, Red. The thing that if everything else goes to hell, I know is there. Do you see? I love you, Red, love you with every little bitty bit of me. I love Buffy, I do, LIKE A SISTER. Like Buffy loves Dawn. But it's you I need, Red. You I adore, you I dream about and jones about and can't live without."

" Faith… there you go again, " Willow's voice has a happy crying tone to it, all choked up, " You say just the perfect thing, and I melt like a ice cream cone on a August day. Damn you!" Willow comes over to the counter, and reaches across. " You come here you!" Willow grabs Faith and pulls her into a rather awkward, if warm kiss. They kiss, and kiss… oh, and kiss.

" Hey guys, what.. oh… crap…ok, well, you're busy, I'll come back later…" Buffy, coming downstairs sees Willow and Faith smooching over the counter. –_ Well, at least I managed not to fuck that up!-_. Buffy does a 180 and starts back up the stairs.

" WHOA!" Faith, breaking the kiss, shouts out. " YOU! Stop your ass right there, and get here. NOW!" Her tone is stern.

" Faith, don't be too…" Willow starts, but Faith puts up her hand to stop her.

Buffy stands frozen on the stair, a little wary of Faith's tone. – _Crap, I'm so dead. I'm deader than dead._-

" Well, do I have to repeat myself, B? Get your butt down here. Don't MAKE me come get you!" Faith's face looks stern, but if you look very carefully at the corner of her mouth, you'll see it twitching.

Buffy, looking like a puppy that just got caught chewing the slippers, comes down slowly, shoulders slumped. Tail firmly tucked between her legs. She walks obediently to the desk and stands, waiting to get her nose…or whatever, rubbed in it.

Faith stands glaring at her. Inside, she's gloating. She's so loving watching Buffy be uncomfortable for once; revenge is so sweet, sometimes. But she can't really stay mad at the dumb blond, because she does love her like a sister, and she has a soft spot in her heart for her. But she's so going to savor this moment.

" So, you screwed up again, didn't ya?" Faith says, her tone cool.

Buffy, shamefaced, nods.

" And you managed to get everybody all worked up and angry and pissed again, didn't you?"

" uh-huh, " Buffy replies, in a tiny little voice. She looks up with a heartbreakingly little girl lost expression.

Willow wants to go over and hug her, but Faith isn't buying it.

" Faith, don't…" She starts to move towards Buffy, but Faith reaches over and restrains her.

" No, Red. She's gotta learn. She's been doing this and doing this, and we've been letting her get away with it. That stops, now!"

" She's sorry. Can't you see she's sorry?" Willow says.

" Faith, really, I'm sooo sorry…" Buffy begins. Faith cuts her off.

" No, B. Sorry doesn't cut it." Faith shakes her head. " If it were just me, Buffy, it wouldn't be so bad. But you're hurting everybody around here, and hey, I'm not going to stand by and take it. You're an adult, now Buffy. Think of Willow, here…"

" It's ok, Faith, I know she didn't really…"

" No, she did, or she wouldn't say it. What about Kira? You hurt her too. And she's mad at ME now. She won't even talk to me, now. Think I like that one, Buffy? Kira's my best friend, and she…." Faith breaks off, making a growling sound.

" Faith, please," Buffy begs, getting down on her knees." I'm so sorry… please, I know I've been a fuck up, but I'm wanting to make it right. Please, please forgive me!"

" C'mon, Buffy, be real. Do you think it's that easy? You've been acting like this since you got here, practically. Do you think you can just stomp on people's feelings and then apologize and everything's ok? Doesn't work that way, Buffy."

"What can I do, Faith? How can I prove I want to make it right? I'll do whatever you ask, just please, give me a chance."

" You want a chance, huh? Another chance?" Faith turns away, her back to Buffy. She so doesn't want her to see the grin she can't help. She stands there for awhile, pretending to think it over. Then she says, over her shoulder, " ok, I think that's fair. Another chance. Well, the first thing? I want you to get the fuck off your knees, and stand up for yourself!!!"

" Huh?" Buffy says, surprised.

" Huh?" Willow is also surprised.

" God, Buffy," Faith shakes her head, and turns around, smiling, " you screwed up. Well, big Whoop girl. Ummm… need I remind you I kinda have my own things I'm not proud of. How 'bout you, Will? Ever make a mistake?"

" Ummm…" Willow, finally getting it, plays along, " Oh, maybe one or two…"

Buffy, back on her feet, stares at the both of them.

" Buffy, I'm not gonna say everything's ok. It really isn't. But you can make it right, simply by acting like an adult, and thinking before you do stupid ass stuff like last night. Oh, and here's a tip. Wanna stop screwing up? Well, Stop it! See, easy? Just start taking responsibility for yourself, and maybe you won't go doing the stupid, get it?"

Buffy nods. She looks at Faith.

" So, you're not mad with me, then?" She asks hopefully.

" Did I say that?" Faith asks.

" No, " Buffy says, deflating.

" I'll get over it, " Faith says, half smiling. Her expression turns serious. " I think we have something more important to talk about, don't you?"

" Oh, yeah, " Buffy says, looking away. She can't really look at her.

" Did you mean what you said last night?" Faith asks, her tone gentle.

" Yes," Buffy replies, softly." I'm sorry."

" Don't be sorry, Buffy, " Faith says, gently, " you can't help who you love. I know that."

Buffy stands silent, not looking at either one of them.

" Buffy, look at me, " Faith says.

Buffy shakes her head.

" Look at me, Buffy!" Faith uses a more commanding tone.

Buffy looks up, her eyes bright.

" B, I don't want to hurt you. You know that, right?"

Buffy nods, not trusting her voice.

" Buffy, I'm sorry. I just don't feel that way about you. I love Willow. She's my everything."

" I know," Buffy says, her voice breaking.

" I love you like a sister, Buffy. It hurts me to see you hurt. But, there's nothing I can do, you understand?"

Buffy nods. She's not sobbing, but the tears are rolling down her eyes. She rubs at them, trying to hide her pain.

" C'mere, Buffy," Faith says, gently. Buffy shuffles over, head down. Faith gently chucks her under the chin, raising her face. The tears are still rolling, she can't stop them.

" I'll do whatever I can to help, Buffy. But I can't say anything to make it better. It's gonna hurt, and I can't take that away. I'm sorry, I really wish I could." Buffy pulls away, and looks down.

Faith looks up, and sees Kira standing at the top of the stares, looking down. She gestures for her to come join them.

" Thank you," Buffy says, quietly.

" I'm sorry?" Faith is puzzled.

" For not hating me." Buffy says.

" Don't be a moron, you idiot." Faith smiles. Willow is also crying, softly, and comes over and puts her arms around Buffy.

" How could we hate you, you dope?" Willow says.

" I think this calls for ice cream, myself, " Faith says, trying to break the mood. " Hey, B, know anybody who likes ice cream?"

Buffy can't help it. She giggles, and looks up. A small, sad smile on her face.

" Oh yeah, I think I do." She says. " I'll go get her."

" No need, itty-bitty. I'm already here." Kira says, walking up. She takes over for Willow, holding onto Buffy. Buffy leans against her.

"So, what say? My treat?" Faith says, smiling. General agreement noises. " Yeah, figures."

"Bring lot's of money. Kira will eat the place out , if you let her," Buffy cracks. Kira punches her. " Ow!"

" Faith Lehane?" A voice from the lobby doors calls out.

" Yes?" Faith looks up, seeing a youngish man standing at the entry.

" The Triad sends its regards." He raises a gun.

Everything seems to go into slow motion. Faith pushes Willow down, to protect her, then starts to hop the counter. Buffy pushes Kira away.

Flashes go through Buffy's mind. Of a time, years ago, in her backyard in Sunnydale. Warren Mears with a gun. Tara dying, Willow turning dark. Her whole world going upside down.

-_Not again. I won't let it happen again!-_

All this flashes through her mind in less than a second. She's already off towards the gunman. Faith is just getting landing on the other side of the counter when he fires.

Buffy leaps at him, trying to deflect his hand. Too late, she hears the gun go off. Too late.

The bullet hits her, and she's thrown back and down, landing on the ground. A bloom of blood appears on her sweater.

"Nooooooooooooooo!!!!" the cry seems to come from the depths of Willow as she sees Buffy fall.

" Noooooooooooooooo!!!" Kira cries, her anguish total. Not thinking about her safety, she runs to where Buffy is lying on the ground.

Faith hits the gunman like a ton of bricks. She quickly wrenches the gun away, and starts whaling on him. She's crying, and hitting him over and over.

" Faith…Faith… stop… you'll kill him!" Willow cries, rushing to her, trying to stop Faith.

" So? I WANT TO KILL HIM!" Faith cries out, pummeling on him.

" No…Faith… stop." Willow uses a spell, and throws Faith off the unconscious assassin. " Don't kill him."

" Why? Why'd you stop me?" Faith cries out, hunched over.

" Because, " Willow says, looking up. Her voice drops an octave. Her eyes are solid black, " We've got to find out who sent him!"

* * *

To be continued. 


	23. Part 23

Independence

By Norwalker

Part 23 of

Summary: What did Willow and Faith discuss in that little car trip from L.A. to Sunnydale in season 7? And what were the consequences? A Willow/ Faith story

Rating: R, Very R

Category: romance/drama/angst

Spoilers: Possible season 7 spoilers. Possible season 4 Angel spoilers. C'mon, you must have seen 'em by now!

Time Line: Mid season 7(after the return of Faith) and beyond

Disclaimer: Joss Whedon , Mutant Enemy and Fox own them.

Warnings: Adult themes, violence, sexual situations between members of the same gender. Please be aware, character death is always a distinct possibility. It can happen here, so don't say I didn't warn you! Any racist remarks are spoken by the characters, and are in no way shared by the author. This story is not meant for children.

* * *

Night 

Queen of Mercy Hospital

Los Angeles

Kira sits by her bedside, holding her hand.

Her memories of the last few hours come in flashes, like fast edits on a horror movie. For her, this was a horror movie.

She remembers kneeling by Buffy, holding her head in her lap. Watching her breath, hearing it. The wheezing sounds like an old concertina. Rubbing her arms, her hands, her face, trying to keep the blood pumping, the life flowing through her.

The flashing lights of the emergency vehicles, and all the people. The EMT's, the police. Trying to answer questions, not able to think, to see anyone but Buffy lying there, breathing. Only really hearing the voice in her head, praying, begging for her to live.

Faith gently pulling her away so the EMT's could work. Watching as they pumped, and poked, and did the voodoo magic they do to keep the person alive. All the time, she's clinging to Faith, begging her not to let Buffy die.

The ride in the Ambulance. The sound of the siren wailing, the jolts and bumps, the EMT working on Buffy. Buffy lying there, so still. The smell of antiseptic and deodorizer trying to mask the smell of blood and death.

In the emergency room, hanging back as the ER team worked on her. The shouts, the orders, everyone moving like it was a loved one on the table. Feeling sick seeing and smelling all the blood.

- _The blood, god, all the blood. Where does she put all the blood in that tiny body ? _-

Watching them roll her to the OR, following along, trying to get close, saying meaningless things like " It'll be ok, honey, just hold on. I'm here, I'm here." Being forced out of the way by impatient, overtired hospital staff.

" Please, Miss, you're going to have to move if you want us to help"

" Get out of the way, please"

Watching them roll her between the OR doors, watching them close behind them. Taking Buffy away from her, closing her off. Standing there, feeling so alone, so lost, so utterly helpless. Wondering if she'll ever see Buffy alive again.

Then waiting, pacing. Giles arrives, to give support. Pacing. The time seeming to go on forever. Sitting. Standing. Pacing. Getting angry.-_ What's taking so damned long -_ Sitting, trying to read the outdated magazine. The words moving like ants over the page. Throwing it down, getting up, pacing. Trying not to worry, trying to trust that it'll be ok. Failing. Trying not to cry, trying to hold on. Looking at the clock again. The hands seem frozen… -_Wasn't it that time hours ago -_ Sitting down, trying to unknot your nerves, breathing. Remembering to breathe. Giles putting his arm around you, to comfort you. Gently disengaging him, because if you give in now you're gone. You're lost. Leaning back, closing your eyes. Trying to block it all out. Seeing it again, and again, the shot, Buffy hit, Buffy falling. Your heart pounding in your chest. You feel like you're choking, opening your eyes, and staring. Having to pee, so bad it feels like you'll explode, but not wanting to leave. Waiting. Waiting.

The doctor comes, and you're up. But Giles is there first, talking to him. Hearing , as if through water, the words " Critical" and "50/50 chance" and " Will to live". But not the dreaded word. Not the D word. Feeling your heart start beating again, your breathing not feeling like fire. Feeling dizzy, feeling faint. But gripping your fists so tight the nails dig into your palms, to keep you conscious. Breathing, god, breathing.

" When? When can we see her?" Kira hears her voice, as if from far away. She feels lightheaded, barely able to stand up.

" She's in recovery. They'll move her to her room in a couple of hours" The doctor replies.

" I need to see her, I need to. Please"

" Miss, she's unconscious. She won't know you're there."

" I need to see her. I need to know she's alive. Please?" Kira feels her nerves breaking. She's millimeters from losing it.

The doctor, seeing her face, relents. He leads them to an ICU unit, and points her out.

" This is all I can allow. She'll be moved to her room in a couple of hours."

Kira presses herself against the window, peering in to the semi-lit room. –_ So small, she's so small. Like a little girl. She looks so… fragile, god.­-_

Now she's here, in Buffy's room. Holding her hand. Watching. Buffy breathes harshly through the breathing tube down her throat. She's pale, and quiet. So still. As if the life has gone out of her. The beeps of the vitals monitor, the whoosh of the breathing machine, are the instruments of the background music, playing a monotonous, insane rhythm to Buffy's life.

Kira stands, putting her ear to Buffy's chest. Hearing the bubbly, raspy sound of her breathing, the steady beat of her heart. It's the most beautiful thing she's ever heard. The tears well up, but she pushes them back, holding them off for later.

" It's ok, Buffy. I'm here. I won't leave you, baby. I promise. It's gonna be good, baby, it is . It's all gonna be good now. Just stay with me baby." Her tone is soft and calm, almost cooing." It's all gonna be ok, honey. I love you, itty-bitty, so don't leave me now, ok?"

She straightens up, and reaches to brush away a stray hair when Buffy gasps. Then she starts to convulse, and the alarm goes off on the vitals monitor. A nurse rushes in, then out, calling " Code Blue, STAT"

A team rushes in, and a nurse tugs on Kira, pulling her out of the room.

"No, let me go… Buffy?… no… BUFFEEE…." Kira calls out, desperately. She struggles to go back in, but is blocked by an orderly.

" You have to go. We need to work in there. " They push her out of the room and shut the door.

" NO… BABY… NO… STAY WITH ME BABY…. PLEASE!"She pounds on the door, but no one answers. She stands, looking at the door. She leans against it.

" Please,Buffy, don't leave me" She says quietly, almost to herself. She feels like she can't breathe. She pushes off the door, but feels dizzy. She stands, trying to keep her balance. She feels her heart pounding, the blood seems to be exploding in her head.

She starts to walk to the waiting area, but her legs are like rubber. She can't stand on them, they give out from under her. She falls heavily to the floor. The room seems to start spinning.

Then the world goes very dark.

* * *

Her eyes open, and it's very dark. It's neither cold nor warm where she is. She pushes off the floor, and stands up. 

She looks around, trying to figure out where she is. But it's dark everywhere… almost everywhere. Off in the distance, there's a light. A bright light. Shrugging, she walks towards it, figuring that was the way out. Out of what, she didn't have a clue.

" I wouldn't be going there quite yet, if I were you" A voice comes out of the darkness.

A light, similar to a spotlight, appears around a figure standing close to her. A lot closer than she expected. She steps back a step, and crosses her arms over her chest.

" Really? And, just for giggles, want to tell me who you are" She gives him the once over, her whole demeanor reflecting the skepticism she feels.

" A friend."

" Great" her lip curls into a small sneer" What if I don't want a friend?"

" I didn't say I was your friend" He smirks.

Her expression changes. She's rather taken aback by the remark. She stares at him suspiciously.

" Who ARE you?" She demands. She's tired, way tired, of this game.

" Now, lass, that hurts. We met once, way back when. In L.A." The man, slight of build, approaches her. He's dressed like a tout just fresh from the racetrack. He's slight of build, and has short black hair. His face can't be called handsome, the features are too sharp. But it's not unattractive, and he has a sweet smile which belies his dress. " Of course, it was only briefly… and you had other things on your mind… I think his name was Angel." A smile tugs at his lips, and a twinkle in his dark eyes dances merrily.

" Ok, you're like vaguely familiar… kinda" Buffy says, shaking her head. " Now, go away."

" Alan Francis Doyle, at your service" Doyle smiles, giving Buffy a slightly mocking salute. " But my friends call me Doyle"

" Fine, _Alan_" Buffy grins tightly" now, seeing that you don't listen much, I'll repeat myself, once. Once! Get lost." Buffy turns away from him.

" Tsk, tsk, lass, so hostile, and here I'm being my charming best" Doyle seems to appear in front of her. " Anyway, I can't 'get lost'. Kinda on a mission here, you see."

" Mission. Got it. I'm guessing I'm that mission" Buffy looks askance at him.

" A little full of ourselves aren't we" Doyle grins at her" not saying you don't have reason." Doyle gives her the once over appreciatively." No, you're not my mission, just a part of it."

"Great" Buffy grumbles"I get the one that's not only looking like a bookie on a bad day, but also is a smart ass. Thanks, PTB. Always great to work with you."

" Look, Buffy, I'm here to show you some stuff…"

" Oh, big whoop! And then, do I dig into my jeans and find Su-su's petals? The we cry and hug and get all blubbery and exclaim it's a wonderful life and all that crap"

" No, actually Buffy, this is where you make a choice. Where you go from here. Though, not dissin' the hugging part. Might be tough, me being all incorporeal and all."

" Aren't I like… dead? Kinda puts the kibosh on choosing, doesn't it"

" Not exactly. You're kind of in an in-between place, you know, sort of like that place that's between sleep and wakefulness, between day and night… that kind of place. And now you've got to make a choice. Do you live, or do you die"

" Whoa up, ghost guy. Why am I being given a choice here? I mean, doesn't it kinda go: You live, you die, and that's it? Not hearing much in the way of getting a choice in this situation… at least, not til now."

"Well, that's the deal, Buffy. The Powers are kind of split on the question. Some say you've done your share, you deserve your ' eternal reward'. Others see that you have more to do, and that you should be allowed to do it. So, being the decisive folk they are, they decided to leave it to you."

" Oh, swell. The biggest brains in the universe can't figure this out, but I'm supposed to? Well, can I say… that sucks"

" Don't look at it that way, Buffy. Think of it as an opportunity. You get to choose what your path's going to be."

" Well, aren't you just the half-full glass guy" Buffy rolls her eyes. " Ok, Monty, I'll play. What's behind Door Number 1? What happens if I choose to die"

"Well, that's pretty easy, lass. You go through the door there" Doyle points to the light" you're finished. Eternal happiness, all the good stuff. Oh, and I promise. No Jonathan, Andrew and Warren dressed in Togas running through the flowers playing harps and singing."

" There is a GOD" Buffy exclaims sardonically. Her mood shifts. She becomes pensive.

" Will I see my mom" Buffy asks. Doyle nods.

" Celia? My cousin Celia… her too" Again, Doyle nods.

Buffy hesitates. " Angel" she almost whispers.

Doyle's expression changes, almost becomes grim. " Angel's not there."

" Not there? I don't… don't tell me… not after all he's done… don't tell me they sent him to …"

" No, no Buffy. Nothing like that. Just, he's not done yet. He's still playing the champion… just on anther plane of existence, so to speak."

" Oh" Buffy says quietly, not really understanding. " Will I be happy"

" Buffy, why're you askin' me that? You've been there before, you know what it's like."

" Vaguely. I mean… it's kind of faded. It was nice, though, I remember. And I was happy…"

" Yes, that's right. "

" Ok, so … why wouldn't I want that? I'm done, it's wonderful, everything and everybody is ok…"

" Well…" Doyle turns away.

" Everybody's ok… right?" Buffy asks, and when Doyle doesn't answer right away, repeats. " RIGHT!"

Doyle is still silent.

" Everybody's ok, right? No one's hurt… I mean… no one got… they're ALRIGHT… yes ?" Buffy starts to panic.

" Yes, yes, after you got shot, Faith took down the shooter. They've got him tied up right now. No one else was shot… or anything." Still, Doyle's expression is less than happy.

" Don't SCARE me like that" Buffy growls at him. She looks at him, and noting his expression, asks him warily" ok, what aren't you saying? What aren't you telling me"

" Nothing" Doyle evades" everybody's ok, just like I said."

" Uh-huh. Hey, I didn't just get hit with the stupid stick. You're hiding something. What is it"

" Nothing, I told you" Doyle sees she's not buying it" I can't tell you."

"Whattya mean, you can't tell me" Buffy demands.

" I'm not allowed to influence your decision, Buffy. You've got to decide with the facts on hand, so to speak."

" Ummm… ok, just a few minutes ago, you're singing the praises of me going into the light. How's that not influencing things"

" You asked about it."

"So, I'm asking now."

" No… you don't get it. You _asked_ about _it_. Understand"

" Oh, I see… huh?" Buffy says.

" You _asked_ about _it_. Get it ?" Doyle wonders if he'll have to draw pictures next.

A light goes on in Buffy's head.

" What about my friends. If I die, what'll happen with them?"

Doyle half grins. He's really not good with drawing.

" They'll be ok… they'll go on…" he trails off.

" Ok, that really clears things up. NOT. What else?"

Doyle looks up, as if looking for permission. A smile breaks out over his face.

" You're friends? They'll go on, do what they have to do. But things won't quite go the same as if you were there."

Buffy looks puzzled. " Can you vague that up a little for me, please? I almost understood that."

" Buffy, all of life is connected. Each bit contributes by its very being to another bit, which affects actions and consequences. At some point, of course, that purpose is fulfilled, and the life can … pass on. Nothing ever really dies, it just … changes, you know" Buffy looks like a first grader being explained calculus. " Ok, maybe not. But understand this, Buffy. At this juncture in your life, you can leave it, and things will happen as they should… but…"

" But"

" But it won't go exactly like it should. It'll happen, but it'll take longer, and be harder on everybody, but in the end, things will go alright."

" So, my being there… alive… would make things easier, then"

" Well… yes and no."

" Again, I say… huh?" Buffy's beginning to get perturbed. " Make up your mind, would you"

" It's not that simple, Buffy. In certain ways, you do make things easier. But you also are full of contradictions and conflicts. So in others, you make things … harder. But your presence has meaning."

" But your saying that whether I'm there or not, thing's will work out" Buffy asks, her brow furrowed.

" Well, yes" Doyle replies.

" So, I guess it doesn't matter if I die, then" Buffy says quietly" everybody will be ok. Not like I'm really needed." She turns away, frowning.

Doyle looks up again, as if looking for answers. His expression goes glum, not liking the answer. He remains silent.

" I mean, lately I've been… ok, I've been a total fuck-up, ok? They'll probably be better off without me…"

Doyle smiles. At last.

" Better off? That's what you think"

" Well, yeah."

" And why would you be thinking that?"

"Well, duh! I'm like been next to useless lately, or haven't you been paying attention? I've messed up like, everything, and I'm pretty sure that no one's gonna really be missing me." Buffy looks sad and defeated. " I think even Will is pretty disgusted with me."

" I see. So, you're thinking, you're friends won't be missing you too much, that it?"

" Why would they? I mean, I've been the total bitch lately, totally selfish and all I've managed to do is make life worse for them. God, I don't even know why I'm doing it half the time. But, look at me. I'm a mess… better I just get my stupid ass out of the way, don't you think"

Doyle shakes his head. " Angel said sometimes you can be incredibly thick."

" HEY" Buffy protests" Tell Angel next time you see him, I love him, _too._"

" I see it's time for some pictures." Doyle walks to a space, and spreads his hands. A dim glow appears, and it's as if a light has been turned on. In the space is the hospital corridor outside Buffy's room. Kira is lying on the floor, unconscious.

" What… hey… Kira! What's wrong with her? You told me they were ok" Buffy tries to run to Kira, but bounces back off the image. " What the hell? Help her! Don't just stand there, help her" Buffy yells at him.

"She's ok… physically. She's in no danger." Doyle turns to her. " She was there when it happened. When you went into cardiac arrest."

" Cardiac arrest? Heart attack? Then, I'm dead"

" C'mon, Buffy, that only happened less than a minute ago… there. You know time is different in other dimensions. You're still alive… well, not dead, anyway."

"Why is she lying there? Why isn't anyone helping her ? Where's Faith and Willow?"

" It's only been a second since she fainted, Buffy. Don't worry, Giles will find her. Willow and Faith… have some business to take care of."

Buffy stands by the image, staring at Kira. She turns around, looking puzzled.

" Why? I don't understand…"

"She's rather torn up, inside, Buffy. It's the only way she can try to deal with losing you…"

Buffy looks bewildered.

" Oh, c'mon, Buffy. Don't you get it? She cares about you… more than just 'cares'." Doyle comes over to Buffy, and stands by her. " She loves you, Buffy. She's _in _love with you, Buffy."

" That's… just crazy! I've… she… I've just made her life miserable. I just get her in trouble, and she's always having to get me out of scrapes, and she's always having to defend me…"

" Yeah, true. And she's never been happier in her life… well, until you got shot, that is."

" That's… insane" Buffy doesn't know what to think.

" Really? Is it now?"

All of a sudden, it's as if Kira's voice is coming from Doyle:

_"No, let me go… Buffy?… no… BUFFEEE…."_

_" NO… BABY… NO… STAY WITH ME BABY…. PLEASE" _

_" Please, Buffy, don't leave me"_

"Now, then, does that sound like someone that doesn't care… that doesn't love you?"

Another scene appears. It's earlier, back in the hotel lobby. Buffy is lying on the floor, shot. Kira is holding her head in her lap, caressing her face. Her expression is grief - stricken.

Then another scene. Much earlier. Giles and Buffy are in the garden. But the focus is on Kira. The look on her face, as if she's looking at something wonderful. She's staring at Buffy.

Then another scene. In a bar. Buffy and Kira are dancing. It's a slow dance, and Buffy's holding Kira in her arms. Kira's face is alight with happiness.

Then another scene. In the ice cream parlor. Buffy is paying for the ice cream. Kira is looking at her, again her expression is saying this is the most special thing in the world.

Then another scene. Vague and indistinct. Almost like a dream… Buffy and Kira are in bed, making love. Buffy is between Kira's legs, her face pressed to Kira's mound. Kira is moaning, and a look of utter satisfaction and joy is on her face.

" Hey… hey! That never HAPPENED" Buffy protests, turning pink.

" No, that's her fantasy, Buffy. What it would be like to be with you."

" Really?" Buffy says softly, almost reverently. Then her tone and expression changes. " That's nuts. She likes guys. She's straight… hell, I'm straight… I think… I don't know… but I mean, she doesn't … she isn't into women… not that way."

Again, in Kira's voice:

"… Well, I can tell you one thing… for now, I'm off men"

"Well, shit that doesn't mean anything. I swear off men at least 5 times a day. I still jones for them, sometimes. Sorta."

"Exactly how many anvils am I gonna have to drop on your head, girl? She's nuts about you."

"Please…" Buffy dismisses the idea.

" Buffy, you're the first person that's seen her as more than just a… sidekick, or little sister, or as a cover" Doyle's tone is serious" You saw her… as her. As someone different. Someone worthy of a little attention. Even Faith didn't see her that way… though there was a little … well, never mind, you understand that about Faith. She has that affect on lots of people… but you… remember how you described Faith… meeting Faith"

Buffy's voice, coming from Doyle:

" She … she's like a force of Nature. I mean, the first time I met her, she was… awesome…do you understand? I'd never seen anyone like her before… not really…"

" I really wish you'd stop doing that. It's creepy" Buffy says.

" The point, Buffy is she noticed you first time she saw you… and then you paid attention to her… and …" Doyle shrugs" Go figure."

" I never even guessed…" Buffy goes back to the first image of Kira, looking at her." I just thought she was… well, babysitting me for Faith. You know" She turns back to Doyle. " But, I don't feel like that about her…"

" Yet"

"Huh?"

" You don't feel like that about her, because you've closed off your heart. You don't want to feel like that again, or so you tell yourself." Doyle walks over to Buffy, and looks at her sadly. " Faith'll never be yours, Buffy."

Buffy's face hardens in the face of THE TRUTH.

Then it collapses, as she realizes _it's the truth_.

" She's meant to be with Willow. She loves Willow. You know that, don't you?"

Very quietly, almost inaudibly, Buffy answers" yes"

"Maybe it's time to let it go, Buffy. Time to move on."

" Yeah, that's real easy to say. Move on. Yeah" Buffy sounds a little bitter.

" No, it's not easy. I know Buffy. But, you can do it" Doyle looks over at the prone Kira." I'm suspecting there's someone who would love to help you…"

" But I don't…"

"Yet."

" You're sneaky, you know that?" Buffy grumbles.

" And, if you let her help you, you'll help her. Help her realize her power."

" Power?"

" Kira is a middle child. She's always been overlooked for the younger and older children. But she's powerful, Buffy. That dream she had… the one that 'warned' her something was coming? That's just the very tip of her power, Buffy. She's had those dreams, those 'visions' if you will, for a long time. But she's hidden them. Suppressed the power. Because she's been afraid of it. Afraid of what she's seen, afraid she was a freak."

" Faith can help her. She's in the know. She's Kira's friend."

" Not enough, Buffy. Not enough to overcome a lifetime of hiding. She needs someone who believes in her, utterly, truly, and totally. Someone who'll stick by her, no matter what. Know anyone who could be that someone?"

" Did I mention, you're sneaky?"

Doyle smiles. " That's not all, Buffy. If you die now, Willow, your friend, your best bud, will turn away from magic. Not right away, but it'll happen. She'll turn towards her other love, computers, and cease to be a factor in this war we're fighting. "

" Ok, now I know you're lying. Willow wouldn't do that. She's strong. She'll go on."

" Her heart will go out of it, Buffy. She 'got into it' because of you, Buffy. Because it was important to you. Losing you once almost made her quit. But she held on, because she thought that's what you'd want… and she resurrected you, because she thought that's what the world needed. What she needed. She almost quit again, when she went dark. She was afraid of what she was, the power she had. But she kept on, because you needed her to."

" Well, Faith'll need her to. She'll go on."

" No, that's not what Faith needs Willow for. Faith has her own Willow. That's Kira."

" This is … I don't believe you. Willow won't turn her back on the fight."

" Not turn her back so much, as turn away. The darkness is still within her, Buffy. It frightens her. Faith can't be her anchor in the light, because she has her own darkness to contend with. You're that anchor, Buffy. She needs you around to keep her centered."

" Maybe it's best if she turns away. Maybe she should be allowed to have a normal life, you know? Why should she have to give up her life to this battle? Doesn't she deserve to have a life" Buffy frowns" why shouldn't any of us have a normal life"

"She could, and probably, things would be ok. But she plays a role in the ongoing struggle, Buffy. In the future, she does something … something that seems minor, but eventually proves to be key. Without that, it'll be a lot more costly in terms of lives to achieve the same results."

" Stop! Stop it! It's not up to me, it can't be." Buffy sits down on the floor, trying to close herself off. " Why're you doing this? Putting this on my shoulders? How much do I have to give? Faith… Faith is stronger, better and smarter than me. She can do more than I can. It's her turn, right? Isn't it her turn?" Buffy tries to squeeze herself into a small little ball, shrinking away from Doyle. " I can't go back, I can't do this anymore. I can't."

Doyle stands looking down on her. He shuts his eyes, squeezing them shut, as if he had a headache. Failure is never easy.

" I understand, Buffy. It's your choice." Doyle starts to walk away, but turns back." But don't you think you owe it to Faith? I mean, you're the only one who knows what she has to go through. Being alone, having the weight of the world on your shoulders? You, at least, had your scoobies. Faith… won't"

" That's wrong. She'll have Kira, and Willow… and thousand of slayers to back her."

"No, it won't be the same. She won't have Kira as her Willow, because Kira won't realize her power. Willow will be supportive, but the power she has? She'll subsume it, like Kira's denying her power. And the other slayers? They can't know what it's like to be Faith. No one can, except you. You've been where she is. You know what it's like to be alone, all alone. No one else but you can do what you've got to do. And she'll be alone, because she won't have anyone who really understands. She'll get through, like you got through. But you said you love her. Do you really want her to go through that?"

" You don't understand" Buffy cries" you simply don't get it. I can't go back. I'll just ruin their lives again. Every life I've touched, I've hurt. You say I need to be there for them, but look what I've done. I pulled Willow into a life she didn't need to be in, nearly destroying her. I nearly killed Faith out of obsession and jealousy. I drove everyone I loved away from me. Spike, Riley… Angel. Look at Angel. I made his life hell, making him feel love, never being able to have even one happy day out of it! How can I go back and do that again?"

" You really believe that, don't you" Doyle looks at her intensely. " It's you who doesn't understand, Buffy." He shakes his head in wonder. " I can't convince you with words, but maybe this'll do it." He squats down next to her, and reaches out towards her. " I have a little gift… something from Angel."

He touches her, and she reels back , the force hitting her like a ton of bricks. She's knocked over, and the memories come flooding back. The memories of the lost day. The day in L.A., when Angel was human. All the sensations, the feelings, the incredible sights and sounds and tastes and smells overwhelm her. She remembers it all, all of it, into her very cells. She remembers that last moment, when she learned that Angel asked to be turned back, how she cried, how her heart broke. How she held him, held him… and then it was gone. She looks at Doyle, and she starts to cry.

" So you see, darlin'? You can give happiness, you can give love. It's your gift, Buffy. Just as the PtB told you."

And she knows. She knows she has to go back. She has no choice. She has too much to do to stop now.

And in that moment, the scene fades, and she's slammed back into her body. She's in incredibly enormous pain, the breathing tube nearly choking her, her heart feeling like a hot knife has been stuck into it. But she's back; all the pains, and trouble, and everything else is back.

And she breathes.

And lives.

* * *

Night 

The Hyperion Hotel

Lobby

Faith pulls out her cell phone as the last of the police cruisers pull away from the front of the Hyperion Hotel.

" This is Faith. There's been a situation, I want some slayers here to provide security." She listens impatiently to the person on the other end." Not caring, this takes priority" She listens again, and her lips tighten." When? Great. Just fine." She covers the mouthpiece, and lets of a couple of choice words. " Ok, how many are left, then" Pause. " That's all? Ok, fine, send them. Yes, now." Faith thinks for a minute. " Are any of the trainers still… oh? Who? Good, send her. Yes. Ok, I want them here ASAP, as in yesterday" She listens, rolling her eyes. " Fine. Just get them here. 'Bye." She shuts the cell, and almost crushes it in her hand. Shaking her head impatiently, she slides it back into her pocket and walks to the lobby entrance.

She pauses at the lobby doors, sealed with Police tape, with a sign saying " Crime scene investigation. Do not enter." Laughing a humorless laugh, she breaks the tape and goes inside.

She pauses at the bloodstain on the floor. Looking down, her expression softens, just a little.- _Why? Why'd ya have to do it , ya dope? S Why'd you have to go play the hero again? Haven't you died enough times already, you moron?_- Faith reaches out, and touches the now sticky stain. She retracts her hand, and stares at the blood on her fingers. –_ My fault. My stupid fault. I got soft and lazy. I shoulda had security in this place… Idiot. I'm an idiot. I thought we'd be safe here… god… what is this Triad, anyway? Some old enemy of Angel's? Something to do with the black thorn? Shit, probably trying to wipe out whatever's left of his friends. Well, fuck me, not gonna get any answers here.-_ Faith stands up abruptly, and walks over to the office. She enters, and seconds later, exits, carrying the gunman.

He's been bound and gagged, and bruises are beginning to appear on his face where Faith hit him earlier. Looking at him, her expression turns to a scowl. She lifts him, and tosses him across the room, into one of lobby sofas. He slips off the sofa and lands on the floor, on his knees.

She strides swiftly over to him, pulling back his head and ripping the duct tape gag off of him.

" Ok, worm-boy, time to 'fess up. Who sent you? Who are they" Faith leans over him, slapping him.

" Fuck off, cunt. Not tellin' you shit" The man, sneering, replies.

" Really? Ya know, that's really a crappy attitude to have, considering I got you tied up. Now, let's see if you can be more cooperative." She kicks him in the side. " So, what do you think? Feeling like being more talkative"

The gunman just stares at her defiantly. She kicks him again, this time in the stomach. He groans, and tries to double up, but the ropes hold him tight.

" C'mon now, lover, you can't be that stupid. I mean, I can keep this up all night." She kicks him again. " You, on the other hand? Gonna start fading really soon."

" Fuck off" he groans. He braces for another kick, which doesn't come.

Faith lifts him and deposits him on the sofa. She goes around back of the sofa, notices something and picks it up. She leans over the sofa, whispering into the gunman's ear.

Willow comes in from the garden, but Faith doesn't notice her. She's focused on the prisoner.

" All comfy now? Is that better?" She asks softly. She brushes off his shoulders, and musses his hair." Now, cutie, we can do this the hard way, or the really painful hard way. But it's gonna get done. It would go a lot easier on you, if you just give it up now. But, you're gonna give it up. Cuz, I'm gonna make you my special project." She pulls out the linoleum knife she found behind the sofa, and shows it to her 'guest'. " Know what this does? Cut's tile. Very sharp, you know? Wanna see" Faith turns the knife and makes a little cut on the man's cheek. He yelps. " Awww… now, don't get all wuss on me, just a little cut, you know" She smiles at him" Aint it wicked? Whattya think? It's all nice and curvy. Looks just right to slice along your throat. Or…" She quickly slashes at his ear with the knife, nicking the lobe. The man screams loudly.

"FAITH! What the hell are you doing" Willow shouts, running over to where Faith is standing. She sees the knife.

" Awww, nothin' mom. Just playing, weren't we?" She pats the man's head. " He's such a baby, getting all pissy over a little cut."

" Faith, give me the knife" Willow orders, holding out her hand. Faith just shakes her head and makes a face.

" Forget that, Red. Finder's keepers, you know" She turns to the gunman" anyway, we're not done playing yet, are we baby?" Too quick for Willow to stop, she nicks the guy's other cheek. " That's better, all even now."

" Faith, I'm not kidding around. Give me the damned knife" Faith, turned away from Willow, doesn't see her eyes turn black.

" Ya want it? Fine. Here ya go" Faith jabs the knife into the man's leg. He screams horribly, and falls over.

Faith finds herself flying through the air, and hits a wall, sliding down it. She's stunned, but not unconscious.

" Real good, faith, really" Willow snarls" Now I gotta bandage him up. What're you thinking? If he dies, he's not gonna be worth crap to us." She inspects the wound.

" Help me, god , keep that bitch away from me" the man moans, the knife still sticking in his leg.

" Shut up, you're not hurt that bad." Willow gets up, and walks to the office. She turns to Faith, who's still sitting by the wall she hit" You know nothings gonna get that blood out." Her tone has a strange sound to it. She walks into the office.

Faith, trying to shake the effects of hitting a wall, slides up it, balancing herself. She starts to walk over towards the gunman. Willow comes out, and mutters under her breath.

" Oh, no, you've had you're fun" Willow says, as Faith hits a barrier. " I'm thinking, you stay right there for now." She walks over and kneels down before the man. She pulls the knife out of his leg.

" What the hell" Faith bounces into the barrier again" What're you doing? You forget that asshole tried to kill us? Maybe, he killed Buffy? I mean, I don't know if she's gonna live, do you? Why're you protecting him"

" Not protecting him, I'm protecting you, dummy" Willow says, as she starts to wrap the wound. " I mean, what happens if your ' games' kill him, Faith? How we figure out who sent him then? Oh, yeah, and how do we explain the body? Think the police might be interested how a dead and cut up corpse happened along" She stands up, finished with the prisoner, who's fainted from the pain" here's a better one, Faith. Ever _think_ at all? I mean, your solution to getting what we need? Beat the bastard up 'til he's dead. Yeah, that works." All this time, Faith has been running against the barrier, trying to break through it. Willow, with a smirk on her face, drops it. Faith rushes it again, and falls forward. " Anyway, Faith, there are other ways to get the information."

Faith, pissed, on her hands and knees, glares at Willow. " Oh really, how? Maybe give him cocoa and cookies, and hope he feels like talking"

"Don't be an ass. I gotta look some stuff up, but I'm pretty sure I can make him talk, without having to cut him to little pieces."

" Know what, Red? Really not getting all weepy over his feelings, you know? Maybe you forgot, out in the garden there, staring at the sky, but hey, he tried to kill us, and he shot Buffy."

" No, Faith, I didn't forget" Willow's tone goes cold" Buffy's _MY _best friend, remember? Not so long ago you were ready to give her the toss, seems to me. Now all of a sudden it's all worry and heartache. So I'm wondering, just exactly what's with _YOU_"

" _ME_? I'm not the one acting like we're at a tea party here. You're acting pretty weird for someone who watched this asshole shoot her best friend. You're acting like nothing happened at all. I say we kick the crap outta the creep until he spills his guts."

" Not gonna tell you sluts nothin' " The gunman says.

" Know what? No one asked you" Willow turns on him, and waves her hand. As if by magic, a thread appears, and sews his mouth shut. His eyes go wide.

" Oh, well, there you go, that'll sure help. How's he gonna say shit like that" Faith walks up to Willow, and stares at her. " Do you even give a crap about what happened"

" How dare you?" Willow slaps Faith, hard. " That's MY best friend in the hospital. Yeah I care, Faith. Who do you think you are, anyway, coming down like Moses off the mount? Huh? Telling me how I should feel, how I should react? Maybe some of us can do more than beat people into the ground, you know? Some of us think, not just let our glands do the thinking. You gotta lotta fucking nerve, Faith , with your record when it comes to Buffy." She sees Faith's expression, and sneers" Oh, did we forget that? How convenient. You're not Buffy's friend. You couldn't care less about her. You're just pissed because he shot at you."

" Bullshit. That's crap, and you know it, Red. You think you're the only one that cares about Buffy? I've been trying to help her, trying to understand and help her get over whatever the hell she's been going through. I've covered her ass, gotten her outta some really good jams… you know, the kind that get you thrown in jail? What've you been doing for her? Let me see… oh yeah, squat. Some friend you are. Best friend my ass, all you care about is giving me grief because I haven't figured out everything yet. You're right, I'm probably not as smart as you are, Red. But at least I can tell when something needs to be done. Sitting around, trying to figure out what to do next? So not gonna happen. So, what're we gonna do, Red? Just wait around til his buddies show up, and kill us all? Got a clue as to how many are out there, or what they're about? I don't . C'mon, you're the smart one, tell me. What do we do, huh"

" Well first thing? WE DON'T KILL HIM" Willow shouts at her. " You want answers? We interrogate him."

" Wasn't GOING to kill him, Red. Just make him wish he were dead, if he didn't talk" Faith yells back" What, you think he's just going to talk if we ask him nice? If you care so much, why're you fighting me on this"

" Because you lose it way too easy, and I know you, you get started you're gonna wind up psycho-bitch again, and kill him, and then we are we"

" At least, I didn't go all psycho, and try to kill my friends, and end the fucking world because it hurt too much"

" No, you just betrayed your friends, and joined up with some snake demon who wanted to wipe us all out"

" Friends my ass. You were about to betray me, turn me in for Alan Finch's death, you , none of you, gave a crap about me"

" No" Willow's voice goes soft, but it's icy" _She didn't care_! At least, that's what you thought, and you couldn't take that"

" That's a load of crap! I didn't care about her that way"

" Didn't sound like that the other night! So, exactly WHO is it you love, Faith? Maybe it's Buffy you want, not me…"

" You're outta your fucking skull…" Faith, pushed to her limit, advances on Willow, threateningly.

" Back off, Faith" Willow says quietly.

"You back off, Red" Faith keeps coming.

" I said…" Willow gestures" BACK OFF"

Faith again finds herself flying through the air. This time towards the garden entrance. She lands just before reaching it, sliding along her butt.

Right into Kennedy, who's just entered the hotel through that entrance.

Kennedy looks down at Faith, and smirks.

" Hey, Faith, what's up?"

* * *

Faith makes an impatient noise, and struggles to get up. 

- _Well, can it get worse? Gotta give Ken-doll credit. Her timing sucks, per usual –_

" Please, don't get up on my account" Kennedy, grinning, pushing on Faith .

Faith gets up, and reaches back to help Kennedy stand. Kennedy, however, bats away her hand and stands up on her own .

" Don't stand on ceremony, Ken-doll" Faith shoves Kennedy back down. She grins down on her. She reaches her hand down for Kennedy, who figures she best take it, or stay down there for the rest of the night. Faith helps her up, and then grabs her, giving her a kiss on the forehead. " So, Ken-doll, how've you been? " Faith gives her the patented wise-ass look.

Kennedy sighs, knowing that once again Faith's turned it around on her. –_ It's just not fair-_ She shrugs.

" Been good. You?" Her tone is tight, as are her lips. Faith has once again used the hated nickname she has for Kennedy. She just swallows her anger, figuring one of these days, she'll get Faith back, in spades.

" Been better" Faith says, getting up, and walking back into the lobby. Kennedy follows her in, and then stops cold, seeing Willow standing inside.

" Hey, Kenny" Willow smiles. " Been awhile."

" W-Willow?" Kennedy stutters, at a loss for words." Y-Yes, awhile. How've y-you been?"

Faith smiles to herself. –_ At least I'm not the only one Red can fluster._- She walks casually to the reception desk and leans against it. She folds her arms over her chest.

Willow, on the other hand, walks to Kennedy, and gives her the once over – twice. She smiles.

" Well, you're looking good" Willow says, flirting just a little" very good."

" Thanks" Kennedy says rigidly. She seems to turn her attention to Faith, but her whole body language is screaming "Willow Alert! Willow is in the building". Her whole body language, stance and confidence are affected by Willow's presence. Faith doesn't fail to notice, and chuckles internally. She never gets tired of seeing Kennedy squirm.

" So, what's the big incident that dragged me down here, anyway?" She surveys the room, and notices the police tape and blood stain by the Lobby entrance. She walks over and kneels by the stain. " What happened?"

Faith ignores her question, for the moment" Where're the other slayers? I thought you'd have some with."

" I already deployed a group around the perimeter. The rest are awaiting orders."

" How many, total?"

" A dozen, not counting me."

Faith frowns. "That's it? That's all you could scrape together?" She looks angry. " I suppose they're the bottom of the barrel, to boot."

"Actually, these are some of my top troops. I didn't figure they'd benefit from the little ' field trip' like the others, so I kept them here. Good thing, I guess." Kennedy walks over to Faith, but it's clear her sonar is still focused on Willow. " So, what's the what, anyway?"

" The ' what' is that Buffy was shot earlier this evening" Willow answers.

Kennedy looks at Faith for confirmation. Faith nods. Kennedy turns to Willow. " Oh, god. I didn't… I'm sorry, Will."

" You didn't know" Willow says, giving a sidelong glance at Faith. " Guess Faith wasn't real forthcoming with the details."

" Thing is" Faith interjects, dismissing Willow's comment" we don't know who sent the shooter, or why." She walks to the sofa, and lifts the gunman off and holds him up in the air. " This is our only clue."

Kennedy looks over at the gunman on the couch." Looks kinda ragged " She notices his mouth, and walks over to get a closer look. " What happened to his mouth?"

" Wanna field that one, Red?" Faith says, lounging against the reception desk, trying to look casual.

" He was saying some things I didn't like to hear" Willow says. Her tone makes Kennedy look up, and she thinks she sees a flash in Willow's eyes. It gives her an uneasy feeling.

" I was trying to get a little information out of him, but Red here stopped me."

" Yeah, well, I figured a corpse wouldn't do us any good. I mean, you had a knife on him, and looked ready to slit his throat. But that's you, huh, Faith? All guts and glands. If you can't get him to talk, beat him down til he's senseless, or dead."

It might have been the tone, or the words, or the attitude, but that was just one cut too many for Faith. Something inside snaps.

" Goddamnit, Red. What the hell was I supposed to do? I don't KNOW anything else to do" Faith explodes, red faced." I doing my fucking best here, and you're fighting me every step of the way. I don't know what this clown was even sent for, except to shoot me. I think. I'm not even sure of that. I don't know where he's coming from, who he's trying to kill. Is it me, is it you, is it Buffy? Is it some old grudge against Angel, the black thorn, maybe, coming to exact revenge on who's left? I don't know. All I know is I got this guy here, and I need to get info out of him, and you block me at every fucking turn." Faith pushes off the desk, pacing. " I know I fucked up, Red. Don't you think I know that? I screwed up big time not having some kind of security here… and I got Buffy shot. I know … it's MY FUCKING FAULT! I'm not brainy like you, Red, but I know that much. So, how come, instead of like making me feel like shit, you don't do something? ANYTHING? Easy to criticize , Willow. Lot harder to figure it out. Goddamnit … I gotta get outta here" Faith starts to storm out the garden entrance.

Kennedy, uncomfortable being around, especially alone with Willow, starts after her. Faith stops, seeing Kennedy's reflection in the glass, and turns.

"Where are YOU going? " Faith asks, impatiently.

" Uh… with you? " Kennedy, chastened, stumbles a little.

Faith looks almost sad. " Ken-doll, I'm storming off. Kinda ruins it if you come along. Stay here, ok?" She whirls around, and exits into the garden.

Kennedy stares after her, and almost jumps out of her skin when someone lays a hand on her arm.

" She'll be ok … she just needs… some time to cool down" Willow says softly to Kennedy. She squeezes Kennedy's arm. " And she's right. I need… I've got to help… somehow… " She starts off towards the stairs. " Why didn't I… no, I understand now… gotta help her… yes…" It's almost as if she's talking to herself, except out loud.

It kind of creeps out Kennedy, who watches her going upstairs. Willow stops mid-stair.

" If Faith comes in, just tell her I'm looking into something, ok ?" She seems almost normal. Almost. She turns and starts up the stairs. She stops again, comes down a couple of steps. " it's good to see you again, Kenny, really. Nice. You look good, you know?" She starts up the stairs again, and stops, and turns. " Good you're here, we can use the help. Thanks." She disappears up the stairs.

Kennedy looks up the stairs, and then she looks out into the garden, but she can't see Faith. She's somewhere in the shadows. Kennedy has a major case of the wiggins.

She walks over, and stands opposite the prisoner, looking down on him. She notices the bandaged leg this time, and the bruises and cuts are pretty obvious. She squats down in front of him.

" Bad day, huh?"

* * *

Willow pulls a book out of one of her suitcases. She stares at it, hesitating. 

The book is old, almost ancient. It's a heavy tome, with a tooled leather cover. The title is in Latin " Caligo Veneficus " (Darkest Magic).

She stands, staring at the book, her expression going back and forth. –_ I can't do this. I swore I'd never open this again-_ -_ You gotta do this. She needs help. You're useless like this. She needs to know what that man knows. Do you have the guts to do it without help- It's wrong- You're a coward, that's the problem, you can't deal with your power- I'm not a coward! I just know what can happen- Wimp, baby. Afraid of the dark? The Bogeyman? Gimme a break. You can do this, so do it- I can't, I can't! I'm afraid. I don't want to …- Fine, then watch your friends die, one by one. Just like you let her die, right? Remember Tara, weakling? You let her die! Now, it's Faith's turn- NO- Then stop stalling…-_

Shutting her eyes, Willow opens the book.

* * *

" Hey, where the hell is everybody?" Faith looks around the lobby, not seeing anyone. She's just walked back in from the garden, having cooled down somewhat, and now she feels her blood pressure rising again. 

" Here" a voice comes from behind the sofa. Kennedy stands up, looking at Faith. " You feeling better now"

" Where's Red? Where's the prisoner?" Faith asks, a little anxiously.

" The prisoner's right here" Kennedy points out the couch" He was getting a little too wriggly and rambunctious, so I gave him a little sedative." She indicates her fist.

" Crap, Kenny, I didn't want him unconscious. I need him awake so I can … interrogate him." Faith walks over to the sofa.

" Don't get your panties in a twist, Faith. I didn't hurt him, just gave him a little love tap" Kennedy leans over and pulls the prisoner upright. She slaps him a few times. " Hey, wake up. Wakey-wakey"

" Forget that, Kenny. Just help me get him upstairs. Don't like the public exposure down here, if you get my drift. Kinda thinking we can put him in the supply room upstairs until we're done with him." She directs Kenny to grab his legs, while she grabs him under his arms. They lift him, and start towards the staircase. " You didn't tell me, though. Where's Willow?"

" She went upstairs. Said she had to do some research… wanted to help you." Kennedy's tone has a strange note in it.

" What?" Faith asks, picking up on Kennedy's vibe.

" Nothing. No, not nothing. She was acting… well… weird."

" Weird? How, weird" Faith asks.

" I dunno, just … weird." Kennedy seems to shiver. " What'd you do to her ?"

" Do to her?" Faith repeats, puzzled but irritated by the implication" I didn't ' do ' anything to her. You don't ' do ' things to Willow. She's pretty much her own person, if you haven't noticed."

" Don't remember her being weird before" Kennedy mutters as they climb the stairs.

" Maybe you just didn't notice it before" Faith gives her a sidelong look. " You never were big on noticing things, Ken-doll."

" Yeah, well I know Willow wasn't all spooky til she started hanging with you, Faith" Kennedy asserts. " What's that about, huh?"

" Maybe, girlfriend" Faith growls a little" You don't know Willow as well as you think you do."

They've reached the top of the stairs. Both are staring at each other.

" I think I knew her well enough, Faith. I knew she didn't use to wig me out just by talking to me. I think YOU got something to do with that"

" Kenny? Do you really want to go there, now? I'm already in like 1000 levels of bad, and my fuse is way short. I kinda like you, Kenny, and I really don't want to be doing a tap dance on your face, but if you keep getting bitchy and snippy-like, I'm gonna have to put you down. Now, do you want to dance that dance, or do you wanna back off?"

They stare each other down, but it's Kennedy that blinks.

" Fine, whatever, lets just get Al Capone here in the room and get it over with." Kennedy mutters.

" Great, this way" Faith says, starting down the hall.

They reach the supply room, and Faith is opening the door, when Willow comes out of her room. She makes a bee-line for Faith.

" Hey, aren't you answering your cell phone, or what?" Willow asks.

" Huh?" Faith asks. She , with Kennedy, carries the prisoner into the supply room. There's a folding chair in the corner. She grabs it, and sets it up. They put the prisoner in it.

" Your cell. The hospital has been trying to call you., All they get is your voice mail."

"That's weird. My cell never rang. " Faith digs her cell out of her pocket. Her back pocket. It comes out, in pieces. " Oh, crap. Well, that explains it." She throws it a waste basket close at hand. " So, what's the deal, anyway?"

" Ooops" Willow says, looking at the remains of the crushed cell in the wastebasket. " Ummm… anyway, there's some kind of problem with the insurance at the hospital. Something needing your signature. The hospital refuses to continue treatment until you come down and take care of it."

" That's bogus ! Kira's there, why doesn't she…?"

" They won't accept her signature. It has to be you."

" Bite me!" Faith curses" I was just getting ready to ask junior here some more questions. Dammit!"

" Faith, please" Willow argues" This is Buffy. If they don't treat her…"

Faith notices Kennedy looking on. She gets a little annoyed. " Why don't you go outside and watch the door? This doesn't really concern you, ok?"

Kennedy also looks annoyed, but holds her tongue and walks out of the room. Willow watches her leave.

"What's that about?" Willow asks, looking at Faith.

" Nothing… she just … bothers me sometimes." Faith shakes her head" Anyway… the hospital. They need me down there, now?"

" Yeah… I'm sorry, I know you want to do other things" Willow looks pointedly at the prisoner" but … please?"

"Ok, ok, of course. I'll go down. Just so weird, and all. Kira should be able to handle this" Faith looks puzzled, but shrugs. " Keep an eye on junior here til I get back, ok? And, don't let Ken-doll hit him again? Really don't want to wait for him to stop napping to … question him."

" Everything ok with you and Kenny? You seem a little… tense" Willow observes.

" Yeah… it's cool… well, good as it's gonna get, anyway, for now" Faith sighs" Anyway, I'll be back as fast as I can. Just wait for me, and we'll do this together, ok?"

" Sure Faith, whatever you want" Willow says. She goes over to Faith and lays an hand on her arm" hey, ' bout before, I'm really sorry… you were right, I…"

" No, you were right. I've been going all psycho on him… but… well, I've been kinda upset, I guess. I guess that's pretty obvious… I didn't mean to blow off on you."

" Don't worry baby, it's ok. Just go do what you need. Things'll be just peachy here."

" I'll be back soon, ok"

" Ok, honey" Willow says.

Faith leaves the supply room. Willow watches her go. Her eyebrow arches a little, and there's a smirk on her face.

" God, I thought she'd never leave" She mutters softly. She walks to the supply room entrance and looks out. She notices Kennedy leaning on the wall by the doorway.

" Hey, what's up?" Willow asks solicitously.

" Just keeping an eye on the dickhead, like Faith asked" Kennedy says, a little grimly. She's tight lipped.

" You ok? Did you and Faith have a fight or something?"

Kennedy shrugs, not saying anything.

" It's ok, you can tell me. I mean, you know, we go back, right?"

" She's just being such a…" Kennedy censors herself" sorry, I mean… just so… bitchy, you know?"

" Don't take it personally, Kenny. She's just been under a lot of stress."

" Well, it was kinda personal…" Kennedy trails off.

" What do you mean?"

" It was about you." Kennedy note Willow's expression, and goes on" I mean, sort of. I was trying to find out if things were ok with you two, and she gets all hostile, you know" She pauses, and turns to Willow. " Is she treating you ok?"

" Yeah, sure."

" Really?"

" Really, Kenny. She just sometimes gets a little… well, she's under a lot of pressure, you know?"

" Uh-huh" Kennedy's not buying that story.

" Hey, know something? I'm really glad you showed up tonight. Really glad."

" Really?" Kennedy looks a little surprised.

" Oh yeah, I mean, last time we met, it was kinda… weird, you know?"

" Yeah, sorry. I was just hurting…"

" Shhh" Willow puts her finger to Kennedy's lips" Don't. I wasn't very nice to you, I know that. I just want you to know how sorry I am, the way I treated you."

" Will, it's ok."

" No, it's not ok. Really, it's not." Willow takes her hand, and laces her fingers with Kennedy's. " I didn't realize how not ok, until tonight, when you showed up. I didn't realize how much I'd missed you." Without Kennedy realizing how, Willow is suddenly in front of her, and very, very close to her.

" I've missed you too, Will" Kennedy says, gulping. " I mean, I know you and Faith are a couple and all…"

" Sometimes, you know, I kinda wonder ' what if ' " Willow says softly. She trails her fingers up Kennedy's arm, and lets her hand rest near Kennedy's neck. " What if things had worked out differently, if you and I got together? Know what I mean?"

" Uhhh… sure, I mean… yeah…" Kennedy is getting flustered. " I mean, I get that."

" I mean, you're hot, you know" Willow is almost leaning against Kennedy, her lips barely an inch from Kennedy's. " Don't you think about it sometimes? About me… and you…"

" Yes" Kennedy almost whispers. She's flushing, and feeling a little… no, a lot dizzy.

"Me, too" Willow says very softly, and then she kisses Kennedy.

Kennedy is beyond lost. All she can feel is the soft press of Willow's lips on hers. All she can hear is Willow's voice, and all she can see is … well, nothing really, because her eyes are closed.

Willow steps away, smiling softly. She waves her hand across Kennedy's face.

" That's it, baby, just be there, don't even move. Now, enjoy the kiss baby, but you won't remember any of this. All you'll remember is that you've been guarding the prisoner. You won't hear anything, and nothing, nothing, unusual happened. Do you understand?"

" Yessss" Kennedy sighs, lost in the kiss and Willow's spell.

" If anyone asks, baby, I left right after Faith. Understand?"

" Yessss."

" Good" Willow smirks. " So easy" she says to herself.

Willow walks back into the room, and stands in the shadows, away from the prisoner.

" Hey, cutie, I think it's time you and I had a little chat, don't you?" Willow asks. " Oh, yeah, better take care of that little mouth thing." Willow waves her hand, and the cord binding the man's mouth disappears.

He moves his mouth making sure he can talk. He snarls at Willow.

" Bitch, you won't get crap outta me. But I gotta say, I'm glad that other cunt's gone. She's crazy!"

Willow turns towards the doorway, still in the shadows.

" Yeah, Faith? She can be scary, I agree" Willow says softly, almost as if he wasn't there. " Know what?"

" What?"

Willow moves out of the shadows. Her eyes are totally black , as is her hair. Her face is veined.

" I'm scarier!" She walks over to the man, who's watching her warily. " Oh, don't get all scared, not yet anyway. " She grins, and reaches out towards him. Her finger brush lightly over his head.

" Now, let's see what really scares you."

* * *

Night 

Queen of Mercy hospital

Los Angeles

Kira sits by Buffy's bedside, serenaded by the beeps and whoosh of the various machines hooked up to Buffy. She doesn't remember ever hearing anything so beautiful, so sweet.

All she knows is that Buffy's alive. Alive, and fighting. That's all she cares about right now. She holds Buffy's hand, and sits quietly in the darkened room. The only lights are those on the various monitors, and the small florescent tube built into the bed's headboard. The lights emphasize the hollowness of her cheeks, and the dark rings under Buffy's eyes. Her color is pale, and ghastly. Her hear is stringy with sweat, and half her face is obscured by the breathing tube/ mask combo. She has tubes running from her arms and legs, and probes seem to be attached everywhere.

To Kira, she's the most beautiful thing she's ever seen.

Kira is struggling to stay awake. Through bleary teary eyes, she watches over the diminutive woman, not wanting to sleep. Wanting to be awake in case Buffy wakes up. She wants Buffy to know she's here for her, always. But she's exhausted, emotionally and physically. The night has been extremely stressful for her, and her body aches, cries out for rest. But she struggles on. –_ Can't sleep now. Gotta be awake. Gotta stay awake, be here when Buffy wakes up. Damn you, girl, how could you scare me like that? Are you trying to kill me? How could you almost go and die on me? Damn you, Buffy, that's just so… selfish…God, I don't mean it, baby. I'm just tired. I can't think straight. You just scared me so much when you… damn, not fair, feeling like this. Do you know how much it hurts to think about losing you, you idiot? No … I didn't mean idiot. I didn't. Just tired. I meant, I just… itty bitty, you dying is just wrong, don't you get that? I love you so much, how can you even THINK of leaving me? I know you don't feel that way about me. I know that. You love Faith… ahhh… that really hurts, too. It's not fair. She has two wonderful women to love her, and I … oh, stop it Kira. Stop feeling sorry for yourself. I'm sorry, itty bitty. Don't mean to put this on you. Just… god, you're so…so… just a little tired, here, not making much sense, you know? Maybe… think I'll just put my head down… just for a couple of seconds. Just close my eyes for a minute, ok? I promise, baby…I'll look into those beautiful eyes of yours when you wake. Just so tired… so tired…_

Kira puts her head down on the bed, close to Buffy's hand. Her exhaustion overwhelms her, and soon she's sleeping, snoring lightly.

Pain. All she feels is pain. White hot, nasty ass pain. Her chest feels like someone drove a hot poker through it. But more, every little bit of her hurts. Her toes hurt, her hair hurts, her fingernails even hurt. Her throat feels like someone cleaned it out with an electric sander. Even her eyelashes sitting on her cheeks hurt. She can barely breath, it hurts so much. –_God, if I knew it'd hurt this much, I wouldn't have come back.-_ Slowly, very slowly, she opens her eyes.

The whole room looks like she's looking through a fogged glass. Everything is reflecting funny, and the edges are all blurry. And it's dark, so she can't really see much anyway. But she can feel… and she feels a hand holding hers. Oddly, it's the only thing that doesn't hurt on her entire body. She starts to move her head, but a shooting pain in her neck tells her that's not going to happen. She tries to move her eyes to see over, but can't quite make out what or who's on the bed. But she can hear light snoring, so she knows whoever it is , is sleeping. Her curiosity is killing her, however. –_ Might kill me, if I try to move_-. But it's like that itch that's just out of reach… you strain a little extra to reach it anyway. Slowly, very slowly, Buffy moves her head in the direction of the snoring.- _Ow, ow, ow… and if I might say… ow-_ But finally, she gets her head turned enough to see who's on the bed, and despite the utter pain, she smiles. Which also hurts like hell. But she doesn't care, because the picture of Kira leaning over, laying her head next to her hand on the bed, is just so sweet, her heart aches with joy.

In that moment, a little seed planted much earlier begins to grow in her heart, and she realizes exactly how special this woman snoring softly on her bed is. Buffy knows that she has like a million other things to do; more important than sitting here in the hospital with her, and yet here she is, sleeping peacefully by her hand. As if this was the most important thing Kira had to do in her life… be here with her. If it didn't hurt so damned much, Buffy would probably be bawling at the moment. As it is, she uses all her will , grits her teeth til they hurt, too, and slowly, very slowly lifts her arm off the bed. She moves it over(-_ can you say agony-_) and gently as she can, lowers her hand onto Kira's hair. She moves the fingers gently back and forth, rubbing Kira's head. Somehow, this makes her feel better. Kira stirs a little, and Buffy stops rubbing, and just let's her hand rest gently in her hair.-_ Poor baby, she must be exhausted.­-_ Buffy, tired by the exertion, feels her own eyes slowly close. –_ I'll just rest for a minute.-_ she thinks as she drifts off to sleep.

Neither of the room's occupants sees the face pressed to the viewing window in the door. Faith watches as Buffy puts her hand on Kira's head, and a smile, the first genuine smile she's felt all evening, breaks out on her face. Pushing off from the door, Faith almost runs right into Giles, who's come up behind her.

" Cripes, G! Don't you ever make noise? God, you wanna give me a heart attack ? " Faith whispers intensely.

" Sorry, Faith. I saw you staring into the window, and became concerned. Is everything alright?"

Faith makes a 'hush' gesture, and points at the window. Giles bends down a little, and he looks in. Even his British reserve cracks a little, and a small smile graces his lips. He looks at Faith, and they give each other the ' thumbs up'.

" I'm glad to see you made it to the hospital" Giles says, as he and Faith walk away from the room. " Is Willow with you?"

" No, she's back at the hotel, still. I was going to come tomorrow, to give Kira a break. I'm thinking now it might be better if I just bring her some fresh clothing, and some supplies."

Giles frowns a little. " I'm rather surprised that Willow isn't here. I would expect she'd want to be here with Buffy, all considered."

Faith hasn't told Giles many details about what happened, or that she and Willow have the shooter at the hotel, secured and waiting to be interrogated. She's rather cautious around Giles, still, because she knows his sense of right and wrong can sometimes lead him to do things that may not be exactly what she feels is best. -_Not lying… exactly. Just not always forthcoming with the entire story. Yeah, uh-huh.-_ However, she sees the look in Giles' face, and she knows she can't exactly wiggle out of this – not without making either herself or Willow look bad, or uncaring. Or worse, raise his suspicions until he finds out what is going on, anyway, but doing it in a way that focuses a lot of unneeded attention on what's going on.

"Giles, I need to speak to you" Faith says, as they reach the waiting area. " Please, sit." She waves to an available bench, and he sits. She sits next to him.

" Willow can't be here right now, Giles. I didn't exactly give you the full story when I spoke with you earlier." –_Well, that sounds weasely enough, Faith.-_

" I'm not sure I understand" Giles says calmly.

" The guy that shot Buffy? Didn't exactly get away …" Faith says, quietly.

" Indeed?" Giles looks at Faith" well, that's good, isn't it? The police caught him then?"

" No. We did. I did." Faith says.

" Oh… so, Willow is turning him over to the police, then?" Giles asks, beginning to get a little suspicious.

" Well… not exactly." Faith turns away, not really wanting to see Giles' expression.

" I see" Giles says with his usual reserve. His face, however, is not exactly expressionless. It's taken on a stern cast. " Exactly what is she doing, then?"

" She's keeping watch on the man. He's bound and gagged, and were holding him at the hotel."

" Do I need to tell you what you're doing is illegal, and can be considered a crime? Kidnapping, I believe." Giles says, quietly. But the disapproval is plain to hear." It's not up to you to mete out justice for the crime, Faith. That's the duty of the courts."

" It's not simple like that, Giles" Faith says, turning back to Giles. " This wasn't a botched robbery attempt, like I told the police."

Giles remains silent, letting Faith explain.

" The man isn't a robber, Giles. He's an assassin. He was sent to shoot me. He would've , too. If Buffy hadn't dived in front of the him." Faith betrays a note of guilt.

" I see" Giles seems to sigh out the response" so, I guess my next question is, who would want to kill you, Faith."

" I… I don't know" Faith is obviously upset. The night, the emotions are wearing on her nerves. She's feeling as if the whole world is coming at her" god, it could be anyone, for anything. I'm not even sure it's for me, though the gunman called me by name. Angel had that Black Thorn thing, that … well, they were baddest of bad. They could be looking for revenge. Or it could be someone with an old grudge against me. You know, I haven't exactly been a saint or nothing. Shit. Or what if it's against Red, or Buffy? I'm flying blind here, Giles. I'm seeing monsters in the shadows, and not liking it."

" So, you really don't know then?" Giles asks" It could be anyone" He moves away from Faith, standing up " Do you really think it might be directed against Willow or Buffy?"

" No, not really" Faith admits" I'm grasping at straws here, Giles. I don't know who would be coming after me, I really don't. I've been wracking my brains for clues, but I'm coming up empty. That's why I gotta get that guy to talk… I gotta"

" Even if you break him, Faith, what are you going to do then?" Giles tries to read Faith, seeing if she understands what he's hinting at. " What if you hear something you don't want to hear? Something that makes you question what you think is true?"

" What're you getting at, Giles?" Faith looks at Giles warily. Something in his words and manner is starting to freak her.

" I'm just saying, you have to be open to all possibilities" Giles retreats. He's not sure he can actually come out and say what he's thinking.

" Well, yeah, I mean… I'm trying to think of everything I can here, Giles, but you're being a little vague here, don't you think?"

"Let's reason it out, then, Faith. You've been in L.A. a few months, but this is really the first attempt on your life, right"

"Are we counting the memorial for Angel" Faith counters" I mean, lots of attempts there."

" I mean, you specifically, Faith. The memorial was more a vampire attack, not really against you specifically…" Giles says" I know it's hard, but I need you to think about what happened. Did the gunman say anything unusual? Something that may be a clue?"

Faith shakes her head impatiently" He didn't really say much of anything. Just said my name, then … what… yeah… something about a triangle?. No, wait… triad? Something like" the triad sends its regards" something like that…"

Giles starts at the name, but recovers quickly. He's heard that name, somewhere before. He'll have to do some research… but there's something … off about this.

" Faith, has anything unusual happened lately? Something unexpected?"

" No, not really… not that I can think of" Faith says evasively. She has no intention of sharing information with Giles. Not when it comes to the clan.

" What about those three strangers that showed up a few days back?" Giles asks" What was that meeting about?"

" Giles, that's company business, and private. Really not your business."

" Then, they weren't from the Lehane Clan?" Giles asks, almost nonchalantly.

Faith stares at him in surprise.

" I know about you, Faith, and the organization you're associated with. The Lehane Clan is almost as old as the Watchers. They actually claim to be older. They're more a shadow group, working in the background to effect change. Influence and politics seem to be a specialty. Surprised, Faith ?" Giles can't help but have a small self – satisfied smile.

" Blown away, G." Faith falls back into her old nickname for Giles " I… god, how did you know?"

" I know you and Buffy and the rest rather think me clueless, Faith, but sometimes I'm not. The Watchers are well aware of the Clan, simply because they're old, and powerful, and sometimes have been a threat to us." Giles puts his hand on hers" but mostly, we've gotten along, tacitly ceding certain… spheres of influence to each other, simply because we both go by the old dictum " the enemy of my enemy is my friend." We both essentially want the same thing, we just have different… viewpoints on how to achieve it."

" How long? How long have you known?" Faith asks.

" Since the beginning, Faith. No, I don't mean when you learned about it, but since I first met you, and even before that." Faith stares at him dumbfounded. " Don't look so shocked, Faith. You know how fond I am of old volumes and texts. I read Aaron's Prophecy. I did some research into it, and I found out about you. I know, when you arrived in Sunnydale, I acted as if I didn't know or expect you. But I was expecting you. You're the one in the prophecy. "

" Why didn't you tell me?" Faith looks at him suspiciously. " Why did you just let me go on and do what I did? God, don't you know how much crap that was, how much I paid for that ? How could you just let me twist in the fucking wind?" Faith's anger begins to rise.

" Faith, think. If I'd told you about your destiny, your true destiny, would you have believed me? You weren't ready, Faith. " Giles tone changes" and I so wanted to tell you, believe me. When I saw what you went through, what happened to you, I wanted to scream it out to you. But I couldn't. I couldn't interfere, because if I did, it would change things… and then the prophecy wouldn't have come to pass."

"WHO THE FUCK CARES!" Faith shouts, then remembering where she is, lowers her voice. " Dammit, Giles, I was lost and alone, and I needed someone to understand me. Fuck, I didn't even understand me, but I needed someone who would try. You could've done that , and you didn't. I was a goddamn kid, Giles, and I needed someone … and you let me … damn you." Faith gets up, turning away from Giles to hide her angry tears. " You and the goddamn rules, Giles. Couldn't you once have bent the fucking rules?"

" I'm sorry, Faith" Giles stands up and goes to her, putting a hand on her shoulder" I can't tell you how many times I wish I had…"

Faith shrugs off his hand. She walks away from him, not wanting to look at him.

"Regrets are bogus, Giles. Don't do diddly, and they don't change what's happened. You're rules kept you from saying anything, fine. But maybe if you bent those rules, what happened… what we went through in Sunnyhell, wouldn't have had to happen" Faith turns on him, her face red. " Sure didn't mind bending those rules when it came to Buffy, did you? You … don't you think I saw how you looked at her? Like she was your daughter. I'm pretty sure that's not what the council intended for their watchers. You even got fired from the council because of your closeness to Buffy. Think I didn't know that, huh?"

"That's different, Faith. Buffy wasn't like you. She needed …."

" And I didn't? I didn't need? Is that what you're gonna tell me, Giles? Buffy had family, Buffy had friends. What the hell did I have, Giles? Not a thing. My 'family' didn't want me, my watcher was dead, killed right in front of my eyes. I had nothing, and so of course, I didn't need anything, right? Not Faith uh-uh she's tough, she doesn't need squat." Faith sits down, feeling discouraged" All that time, you knew what I was, what it must've been like for me. Feeling that darkness within me, not understanding it, not really having a grip on it. And not once, not ONCE, did you even try to approach me, let me know I wasn't alone… not once did you help me. Did you?"

Giles stands silent. He has nothing to say.

" Every day, Giles, every day I have to fight this… living thing inside me. It's part of me, like my arm, or my leg. It wants to rule me, take me back down that dark path. I fight it, and I fight it alone. Because I have to" Faith looks up at him" you wonder at my loyalty to Angel. He, at least, knew what I was going through, and he never turned his back on me. Not once . Even when I nearly killed him in Sunnydale, he still tried to help me, despite what others thought. Including Wes, including Cordy, and especially, including Buffy. All considered, I can understand their reaction to me. But you? You knew, and you didn't do anything."

" I'm sorry, Faith, I can't express to you how much…"

She waves him off. Too little, way too late.

" We're past that, Giles. Can't change what's already done. Just gotta live with it" Faith gets up" I don't have time right now to wallow in what- mighta- beens. Someone is trying to kill me, or us. So, you didn't bring up the clan just for giggles, I'm sure. What're you thinking? I don't have time to dick around here, just spit it out. What do you know?"

" I don't know anything for certain, Faith" Giles says, truthfully" but it seems very coincidental that you're paid a visit by your clan one day, and the next day, you're dodging an assassin's bullet. You should know that your organization, so to speak, is rather factional. Bad as the Watcher's council is, we tend to get together and agree on our goals and objectives. From everything I've read about the Lehane clan, and everything I've observed, they don't. While they all agree on the key goal, how they go about achieving that goal is often in contention. A goodly portion, from what I've been able to discern, don't believe in Aaron's prophecy. You've been rather forced down their throats as head of the organization, because they're in the minority. But that doesn't preclude them from seeking your ouster, one way or another."

Something in Giles' words clicks in Faith's brain. Something about that meeting the other day, just doesn't sit right with her. Something has been off.

" All I'm hearing is speculation, Giles" Faith says, not wanting to admit her thoughts to Giles" there's nothing solid here, only your opinion. But you're right in one respect. I'd be an idiot not to keep an open mind, check out all possibilities. " –_Something's not right… and I gotta find out what. Now, more than ever I gotta get that creep to spill it. If the clan is involved…-_ " So, lets get this insurance problem straightened out, so I can get back to the hotel and start checking into it."

" Insurance problem? I'm not sure I'm following you there…" Giles looks bewildered.

" Willow got a call that there was some insurance snafu. That it needed my signature on some form or other, or the hospital would have to stop treatment." Faith looks at Giles" know anything about it?"

"Frankly, no" Giles looks bewildered" I was with Kira when she filled out all the forms, and there weren't any questions at that time. Far as I know, everything's in order."

"Alright, this is making like no sense at all. Why would the hospital call and want me… oh, crap. I'm a moron. It's a fucking setup, and I fell right in it. Someone wanted me out of the way. Maybe they know their attempt failed, and they're trying to … I gotta get back to the hotel, pronto. Something's really wrong here, and I gotta find out what"

Faith starts off, but Giles catches up with her, grabbing her arm. " Faith, wait. They might want to isolate you, make you an easier target… you shouldn't go alone."

" Not lots of choice, Giles. You need to stay here, keep an eye out for Kira and Buffy. At least, until I can get someone over here… you can do that, right?"

"Yes, of course" Giles sounds a trifle offended" just be careful. It may be a trap."

" Don't worry about me, Giles. Just keep them safe." Faith turns, and exits.

Giles watches her leave, then turns towards Buffy's room. As he's walking down the hall, something that's been nagging at him pushes to the front of his mind. Willow, alone? Watching over the gunman? The one that shot Buffy?

And it was Willow that told Faith about 'call' from the hospital. What if there wasn't any call? What if… ?

Giles reaches in his coat, and pulls out a rather new looking cell phone. He flips it open, and starts to dial. He puts it up to his ear, and listens. Nothing. He looks at it quizzically… then remembers he has to push the send button to start a call.

" Bloody hell" he curses softly. Giles, and technology? Never a good mix.

He listens as the phone rings, and rings, and then Faith's voice comes on the line.

" This is Faith's phone. Leave a message."

-_ Dammit-_

Giles hits the 'end' button, and stares at the phone, trying to think of what to do next.

Frowning, he dials another number.

* * *

He wakes to his face being slapped. 

"Well, hey there, you went out on me for awhile. Guess they don't make assassins like they used to" Dark Willow says, smiling.

" You fucking sow, if I get out of these ropes…" The man threatens.

" You'll what? Shoot me?" Willow laughs. " You boys and your guns. Gee… don't you know?" She holds the gun to his chest " These things? Never useful!" She pulls back on the hammer, watching the man blanche. "Don't worry, cutie. Not gonna shoot you. Like I said, we need to have a little chat."

The man looks at his arms, which are bound to the arms of his chair. He feels an incredible burning itch in his arms. He squirms a little in his bonds.

"What's wrong? A little uncomfy? Oh, sorry about that. But you know, we do have to keep you securely tied up. " Willow holds out her hand, which at the moment is closed. " But hey, I don't want you to think we're angry or anything. A mistake. That's what it was, right? Shooting my friend like that"

" If the dumb bitch hadn't gotten in the way, she wouldn't have gotten shot" The mans scowls. He wriggles some more…his arms are really itching.

" That's my friend alright. Sweet, not too bright. But just to show you I've got no hard feelings, brought you a little present." She opens her hand, and in it's a wiggling mass. The man pulls back away as far as he can.

" What the hell is that?" He asks, but he already knows. Little beads of sweat pop out on his forehead.

" Aren't they cute? They're the larvae of the calliphora vomitoria. The bluebottle blow fly, to use the common name. But, I guess you'd know them better as maggots" Willow pushes the mass close to the man's face.

" SHIT. Get those things away from me" The man is really sweating right now.

" Oh, now, don't be that way. They're just part of nature, you know. Might say, their natural garbage scows, eating away and digesting rotting meat. Just part of the cycle of life and death."

"Get. Those. Fucking. Things. Away. From. Me" He looks at the squirming mass of maggots with disgust and fear.

" Oh, that's right. Silly me. You're deathly afraid of maggots. Ever since you were twelve, right? When you found that dead body. Got curious, didn't you? Turned it over, and saw the face had been eaten away with the little critters. Some fell on you, and you ran away screaming, like a sissy boy" Willow pulls back the maggots, and grabbing a jar, puts them inside. She wipes her hand, then shows it to the prisoner. " There now, see. All gone."

The man coughs nervously. His arms are itching worse and worse… and he could swear it feels like something is crawling under his skin. Willow leans over, her face close to his.

" You know, we're all afraid of something. For some people it's rats. Some, really hate snakes. Me? Well, don't get frogs too close… god, slimy creatures" She shudders" but everyone fears something. You, it seems, really, really hate maggots. I get that." She reaches over, and grabs the jar. She brings it close to his face, shaking it. " Scary, huh?"

He's breathing harder, and the itching has spread. It feels like his whole body is itching.

" If you think you can scare me with some bugs, lady , you're nuts. " The man despite his words, watches the jar warily." I'm not afraid of you, or some lousy bugs"

" Of course not, silly boy" Willow pats his face. " I mean, who can these little fellas hurt, huh? All bottled up. Of course, if it should drop…" She lets go of the jar. The mans nearly screams, but she catches it"Well, that could be scary, huh?"

" I'm not scared, bitch" the man lies. " and not telling you jack."

"Yeah, kinda scary" Willow ignores him, bouncing the jar in her hand." But this" she reaches over, and with her nail, traces a line on his arm." Scarier"

The skin seems to erupt where her nail touches, and splits open, Out of the wound, hundreds of maggots start to crawl.

" My, my, look at that" Willow smirks.

The man screams, straining against his bonds.

" Get 'em off… get 'em off me. God, what the hell have you done" The man is fully panicked." GET 'EM THE FUCK OFF ME"

"Sure, baby, soon as you tell me what I want to hear" Willow says, caressing his face. " Who sent you?"

" Can't tell you… they'd kill me" the man, scared silly, tries to wriggle out of his bonds." PLEASE… GET 'EM OFF ME"

" Now, you see, that's just not what I wanted to hear" Willow says" Bad boy" She draws her finger over his other arm. The skin , like on the first wound, splits apart, and more maggots pour out of the wound. The man goes nuts, straining and shaking in the chair, trying to escape. But the bonds are too tight, and he can't do anything but feel the larvae crawl over his skin.

" PLEASE, PLEASE HAVE MERCY… GET THE FUCKING THINGS OFF ME" The man screams. He wets himself in fright.

"SSHHHH" Willow passes her palms over the wounds, and they disappear. The man slumps in the chair in relief. "See, I can make them go away… or…" She runs her nail over his upper arm, and again the skin erupts with maggots. The man starts to panic again. " I can make them come back. Now, isn't that fun" She giggles." Now, be a good boy, and tell me what I want to know. Who sent you?."

" I CAN'T. HE'LL KILL ME IF I TELL YOU. I CAN'T"

" Now, you see, he's far, far away, right? But I'm right here" Willow's tone grows cold" And believe me, I can kill you just fine, and a lot faster than he can." With that, she runs her nail over his legs, and chest. Wounds erupt, maggots crawling out of all of them.

" GOD! GOD! GOD! GOD! GOD! GOD" The man screams, then moans. " Get em off, please get em off" His face is a mask of fright.

" Just tell me what I want to know, and I'll make all the nasty little buggies go away" Willow says, soothingly.

" Anything, anything god, just make them go away" The man blubbers." Oh, god, get them off me… please"

He starts screaming as he feels the maggots crawling around on him.

At that very moment, Willow's cell phone rings.

"What in hell?" She pulls out the cell, and looks at the display. " Oh, oh, daddy's calling. He might not understand what's going on. Guess we'll have to put you on mute, huh?" Willow waves her hand, and the man's mouth is stitched up once again.

She looks at the man, who's struggling against his bonds. He's in full panic mode, and his eyes are wide in fear.

But there's not a mark on him. Not a cut, not a maggot, not a thing. All of it's in his mind. Planted there by a spell Willow cast on him. She smiles, and turns to the phone.

" Hi, Giles, what's up? Is everything ok? How's Buffy ?" She pauses to listen" Yeah, I'm fine. Everything's hunky dory over here. Faith? What about… oh yeah, I remember that call… did she get it straightened out? What? I don't understand… yes, a Mr. Purvis from the hospital's business office called here, wanting to speak to Faith… no insurance problem? Are you sure? It sounded… oh, my… you don't think? Is she alright? Yes… everything's ok here. Yeah, Faith had some of the slayers come over… yeah… No, I'm in my room at the moment. I was looking up some stuff… stuff I thought might be helpful. Kennedy's here, she's guarding our… well, guest, I suppose. Do you want to talk to her? Yeah, sure, it's not a problem … hold on." Willow pushes the mute button on her phone.

" Now, you be good" she admonishes the prisoner… then notices he's fainted. " Oh my. You went and got all sleepy. Tsk, tsk, well… more fun to come."

She walks out of the supply room, and goes to the still enchanted Kennedy. She waves her hand.

" Giles wants to speak to you" Willow tells her softly" remember what I said earlier?"

" Yes"

" Good then." Willow hands the phone to Kennedy.

" Hey, Giles, what's going on?" Kennedy, in her normal tone, asks" Huh? No… I've been here since Faith left. Everything's quiet… sure I'm sure, I've got some of the slayers deployed around the perimeter. No one's getting in without me knowing about it. Huh? No, Willow hasn't been with the perp. I'm sure, Giles. I've been here the whole time. Yes, geeze, I'm not a child … I can see, you know. I think she's been in her room… that's where she came from, anyway… yeah, ok, here she is…"

Kennedy hands the phone back to Willow. Her eyes glaze over, and she's back in her dream.

" Hi, it's me again, Giles. Ok I understand. I bet you think I was in with the guy, using hot pokers or something, huh" Willow smirks at the phone" No… I understand, you're just concerned. No big, Giles. Yeah, sure, I'll have her call you, soon as she gets here… sure… ok… ok… Bye Giles." Willow hangs up the phone.-_ Moron-_ She shakes her head. She pockets her phone, and then walks back into the supply room.

"Well, cutie, guess we're just going to have to postpone fun time" Willow talks to the still unconscious man" too bad, we were so making progress. But, mommy's on her way home, and you know how bitchy she can get. You just keep sleeping, cutie." She pats his face. Waving her hand over his mouth, the stitching disappears." Guess we don't need that anymore."

She starts to exit the supply room, and realizes she's still in major veiny mode." Hmmm… Faith might not like the look. Guess it's time for Willow of Sunnyhell Farm to make an appearance." She waves her hand across her face, and her hair changes back to red, her clothing looks more ' Willow-like", and her veiny complexion is back to freckle face freshness. She sighs.

" Boring, but hey, what a girl's gotta do to please her lover!" She shrugs.

Whistling a little tune, she exits the supply room, closing the door after herself.

* * *

Faith rushes in, a little breathless. She looks around the lobby. 

-_ Well, everything looks ok, down here.-_ Still, she's wary, and she looks around carefully, just to be sure. She's just approaching the stairs when Willow appears at the top.

" Hey, you" Willow smiles down at her" Welcome back. You ok? Giles called here earlier, all worried like. Maybe you should give him a call"

" He called here? Why?" Faith asks

Willow shrugs" I dunno. He asked how things were, but I'm thinking he was checking up on me. I'm guessing you told him we have the guy here. He seemed to think, at least I think he thinks, I was in using hot pokers on the guy."

" Yeah, well, he's got some pretty weird ideas, anyway" Faith says, deprecatingly.

" Did you and Giles have a fight?" Willow asks, giving Faith a sidelong glance" You're sounding kinda hostile."

" No. Not really. It's not important" Faith says, changing the subject" hey, that call? It was bogus. There was no insurance problem at the hospital. What do you think about that, huh?"

" Yeah, Giles kinda mentioned that. Weird, huh? What do you think that was about?" Willow turns the question back on Faith.

" I think someone was doing their damnedest to get me away from here…"

" Really? Why?"

" How the hell should I know" Faith asks, irritably. She sighs. " I'm sorry, just everything's been so … fucked up. I got worried they try something funny here…and I got some disturbing information from Giles…"

" Oh yeah?" Willow asks" What was that?" Willow prepares to take on Faith, if she has to.-_ Hate to hurt that hot little body, but hey… girl's gotta be ready-_

" Just that… never mind, it's really not important." Faith looks up the stairs" So how's our 'guest' ? "

" He was sleeping, last time I looked in on him."

"Naptime's over, then. I'm thinking we're going to have to be a little more 'persuasive' with our 'guest' " Faith, her tone hardening, reaches the top stair, and heads for the supply room.

" Faith… FAITH !" Willow calls after her, running and getting ahead of her, blocking her." We talked about this. You can't go in there and get all homicidal on him. I know, it's tempting, but a dead man's not going to get us what we need"

" Oh, for god's sake, Red, I'm not some mindless savage, you know" Faith explodes, reaching her limit. " I'm gonna have to get rough with him. I'm sorry… no, wait … after what he did? Not so sorry, but I'm not going to kill him. I promise you that. Ok?"

" I want to go with you" Willow insists.

" I … look, Red, you're kinda tenderhearted, you know? This might not be for you…"

" I'm not a child Faith. But I'm also not going to let you go nuts, do something you'll regret later. I just won't, Ok?" Willow stands firm. " I know if I'm in there, you'll be more… restrained."

" Fine, if you don't trust me, fine. Just stay the fuck outta my way" Faith growls.

" It's not that I don't trust you, Faith" Willow exclaims. –_ No, baby, not that I don't trust you. Just, I want to do it myself._-

Faith just cuts her off with an impatient gesture, and walks over to Kennedy.

" So, Ken-doll, how's our prisoner doing?" Faith asks, stopping in front of Kennedy.

" Just dandy, Faith. He's been quiet as a mouse since you left."

" Yeah, hear he's been napping."

Kennedy shrugs.

"Whatever, anyway, don't come in, no matter what you hear going on. Ok?"

" Yeah, sure, whatever you want, Faith" Kennedy says, a little irritably.

" You ok?" Faith asks, not liking the attitude.

" Oh yeah, 5x 5, Faith" Kennedy smirks.

Faith stares coldly at Kennedy for a moment. She feels, after all the crap of the evening, like belting her. Her and her oh-so-superior rich girl attitude. But she decides to save the love taps for her victim inside the supply room. – _One of these days, real soon, me and doll face here's gonna have a little smack-down. She's getting just a bit too attitudinal for my tastes-_ Faith, without another word, enters the supply room. Willow follows silently behind.

Faith senses something's wrong. She can't put her finger on it, but something's off about the scene.- _Aw, fuck, it's just a case of the nerves, Faith. Get over it_.- She walks over to where the man is sitting.

Willow, as agreed, fades back into the shadows, out of sight. Unseen by Faith, she smiles a tight little smile, and her eyes go dark. She wants a good spot to see the show.

Faith slaps the man, and when he doesn't stir, she slaps him again.

" Wake up… come on, wake up" She slaps him a third time.

The man's eye's flutter, and they open. A brief flash of fear flashes across his face, replaced by relief, then anger.

" Fuck off. I'm not saying nothing. Not to you, and not to your little witch-bitch friend" the man spits at her.

Faith, disgusted, wipes the spittle off herself. –_What the hell is he talking about? Witch?_-

Behind her back, Willow comes out of the shadow. She's in full dark mode again. She smiles, and holds something up for the man to see. It's a maggot, wiggling between her fingers. She puts her other finger to her lips, to shush him.

The man freaks. He starts to strain against his bonds But he's not trying to get at Faith, it's more he's trying to get away from something; something horrible.

" NO… NO … NOT AGAIN… I CAN'T STAND IT AGAIN… KEEP AWAY FROM ME… I'LL TELL YOU ANYTHING… JUST DON'T DO IT AGAIN" The man screams, startling Faith." GET 'EM OFF ME, GET 'EM OFF ME" He struggles against the ropes.

Faith whirls around, but doesn't see anything. Puzzled, she turns back to the man.

" Alright, boyo, I'm tired of your games. I don't know what's going on, but talk, or…" She raises her fist to hit him.

But she doesn't even have to. The man breaks down, and starts talking. It comes out in fits and starts, he's still obviously scared out of his mind. But he tells the whole story. How he's a member of the Triad, a secret society within the clan. A new member, this is his first kill… his bones. He's supposed to off Faith, and anyone with her to witness it. How he was sent by a man he only knows as Sean. An older man. His mentor in the Triad. He goes on to tell how the Triad decided Faith was an abomination, an evil thing, to be destroyed. She not only had no right to be in the clan, as it's leader, but no right to live, period. How they were going to keep coming for her until she was dead. Kill him or not, more would follow. At the end of it, he was just blubbering, knowing no matter what, he was dead. He'd betrayed the Triad, and they wouldn't let him live. But something had scared him more; more than death.

Faith's expression hardens. Her eyes glitter in anger, and she turns to the man, and hits him. Again, and again. –_Giles was right. My own… people… want me dead! My own… people. I was such a imbecile, thinking I could trust them… trust anyone…- _She pulls out her knife, and gets ready to slice his throat. Her anger is total, consuming. She's brings her arm up, to do a quick slash across, and stops. – _NO! I won't… I won't let them win. I won't do it.-_ Struggling against her own anger, she lowers her arm, sheathing her knife. In control again, but still angry, she spits on him.

"Get out of my way, Faith" A voice comes from behind her. A familiar, but unfamiliar voice. –_Willow-_ Faith turns, and gets another shock.

Willow is in the light, fully dark. Her hair, raven black, seems to stream behind her in a phantom wind. Her eyes are black, and a dull red glow outlines her pupils. Her face, her soft face is covered in pulsating veins. Her hands almost seem claw-like, and her expression is full of hate. Her lip is curled in a sneer.

" Move, Faith, so I can give this… worm… his reward." Her voice is soft, but deep, lower than normal, and full of icy malice.

The two stare at each other briefly, then Faith comes to a decision. She sets herself.

" No." Faith says simply and quietly.

" I said…MOVE" Willow waves her arms, and Faith flies against the nearest wall. Willow raises her arms, gathering her power. The very air about her thickens, and clouds and lightning seems to swirl about her.

" You're gonna die, you little maggot. But not fast. Oh, no… it's going to be slow… and long… and it's going to hurt. Hurt like nothing's ever hurt before. You're going to scream, and scream, and I'm going to love it" She raises her arms, and releases a bolt of energy.

But Faith has recovered, and moving quickly, she stands in front of the prisoner. The bolt hits her, and she almost screams, it hurts so much. It rocks her, nearly knocking her over. But she steadies herself, and stands fast.

" I said, no" Faith gasps out. But she stands steady, not moving.

" Get out of the way, Faith" Dark Willow commands" don't do this. Don't make me hurt you"

"No. I won't. I won't let you do this, Willow" Faith says. She doesn't move.

A force like a huge fist hits her, stunning her, driving her to her knees. For a second she's dizzy, but she hauls herself up, and stands again, bracing herself for another blow.

It comes quickly, like a sledgehammer. Again, she drops to her knees. Again, she gets up. Her breathing is labored, she hurts all over, but she's not moving.

" Why? Why're you protecting this… slime?" Willow yells at her. " He's scum, less than scum. You heard him, he's going to kill us all if he gets the chance. Why are you trying to save him?"

"Save him?" Faith asks, feeling groggy. Nevertheless she turns around, and hits the man, knocking him and his chair over. " I don't give a crap about him. " She turns back to Willow. " I care about you."

" Oh, goodie. Is the lame 'let's save Willow from herself' part of the evening? I don't NEED saving, you moron" Willow raises her hands, directing them at Faith." That yellow crayon trick? So isn't going to work again." She lets loose a bolt of energy, which strikes Faith.

Faith screams this time. She feels as if a thousand wasps have stung her simultaneously. Her skin goes red, boiling up in blisters in places. But she doesn't fall. She takes a step towards Willow.

"N-No tricks, Willow" Faith mutters, aching in pain. She's weaving, but she can't… won't let herself fall. " I just love you, and I can't let you do this."

" Who's gonna stop me? You? You're barely standing" She lets loose another bolt of energy.

Faith whirls around and hits the wall. For a second, she leans against the wall. Her knees are shaking, feeling like water. But she can't fall now. If she does, it's over. Somewhere, somehow she gathers strength from within. She pushes off the wall, and again, she's standing in front of Willow.

" WHY? Why won't you just get out of the way? Why're you making me do this?" Willow cries out. Something is cracking within her. " I don't want to hurt you. Just move"

"No. If you don't want to hurt me, then don't" Faith growls"but I won't let you kill him. If you want to kill him, you'll have to kill me first."

" You think I won't? You think I won't kill you, if I have to?"

" You could kill me in an instant, Willow, and I can't stop you" Faith whispers, her strength flagging" and if you kill him, I want you to kill me first, anyway."

"ARE YOU INSANE?" Willow sends a bolt, but it doesn't hit Faith as hard. Faith weaves, but she remains standing.

" If you kill him, Willow, then I've lost you. You, whatever's left of you in there, is gone." Faith pauses, and tries to smile. It's rather ghastly to look at. " You… I love you, Willow. You're my… you're my everything. Why would I want to live if you're gone?"

"SHUT UP!" Willow yells. Her tone has a desperate note in it.

Faith feels like she's been slapped by a giant. Again, things start to get very woozy, but she grips herself, and holds on.

"Anyway, if this is revenge… if you want revenge for Buffy… then you should kill me. It's my fault." Faith mutters. She leans over, hands on knees, to keep from falling over.

" Shut up… SHUT UP! You're insane. How is this your fault? He tried to kill … he shot her"

" I fucked up, Willow. I should've had security in place. He never should've made it to the door. But I got soft. I thought we were safe here… that's a joke, you know? We safe, anywhere? So, no security. And he got in, and shot Buffy. So, it's my fault, you see." Faith is barely able to keep standing.- _If she hits me one more time, I'm done_ –

" No…no, no, no, no" Willow says" it's him… he did this.. it's his fault" She points at the man, now lying unconscious on the floor.

" You're wrong, Willow. He's just a tool. He doesn't mean anything. It's my fault." Through her haze, Faith can sense that somehow, she's hit on something. "So, if you're laying blame, it's me, Willow. I did it. Kill me" She forces herself to stand up straight again.

" No… I won't listen to this. It's wrong… it's wrong" Willow says. " Please, don't make me hurt you anymore. Get out of the way. I've got to do this, don't you see, Faith? I've got to. I've got to make it right. I've got to" Willow's voice cracks, and so does her dark demeanor. She seems lost and confused. Gradually, her hair starts to change back to red. She can feel the change happening to her. " No, not now… not now… I haven't made it right… not now!"

Willow begins to change back and forth. Her color goes dark, then lightens… then darkens. She stands, and starts to mutter a spell… then stops. Her coloring changes again, lightening to her normal self. She curses, and tries to recapture the rage and anger… but she can't. " No… not now…not now…"

Faith watches in horror and fascination. Through her pain, she sees the fragile shield Willow's been protecting herself with, the feelings she's been cutting off, re-emerge. The life seems to drain from Willow, and she collapses to her knees.

" I couldn't stop him" Willow cries, staring at the floor. " I froze. It would've been so easy. I could've thrust him away, or put up a barrier… but I didn't… I got scared. I froze… and … and Buffy… she… oh god… Buffy… he shot her… he was going to shoot you… and I stood there… like an idiot… oh god… it's all my fault…"

Faith, using her reserves, walks shakily over to Willow, and puts her arms about her. " Shhh… shhh… it's ok… it's ok now."

Willow looks at Faith , and her tears come. " Oh god, what've I done to you! Oh no, Faith I… oh god…"

"I feel kinda… shitty…" Faith, the adrenaline receding, lays down." Think I'll sleep now, ok?"

She passes out.

" Kenny! KENNY!" Willow calls out, standing up.

Kennedy rushes in, and stops, stunned.

" What the hell happened?" Kennedy reacts as if waking from a dream. She looks at Willow.

" Call the police, and tell them we caught Buffy's shooter." She kneels down by Faith. " And call an ambulance."

Kennedy hesitates, staring at the carnage in the storeroom.

" NOW!" Willow barks.

Kennedy pulls out a cell, and starts dialing.

Willow kneels by Faith.

* * *

To be continued. 


	24. Part 24

Independence

By Norwalker

Part 24 of

Summary: What did Willow and Faith discuss in that little car trip from L.A. to Sunnydale in season 7? And what were the consequences? A Willow/ Faith story

Rating: R, Very R

Category: romance/drama/angst

Spoilers: Possible season 7 spoilers. Possible season 4 Angel spoilers. C'mon, you must have seen 'em by now!

Time Line: Mid season 7(after the return of Faith) and beyond

Disclaimer: Joss Whedon , Mutant Enemy and Fox own them.

Warnings: Adult themes, violence, sexual situations between members of the same gender. Please be aware, character death is always a distinct possibility. It can happen here, so don't say I didn't warn you! Any racist remarks are spoken by the characters, and are in no way shared by the author. This story is not meant for children.

* * *

Los Angeles 

Los Angeles International Airport

Now 

Driving through L.A. traffic is almost never pleasant. It's a nightmare when caught in the rush hour, trying to get to the airport. Combine that with tension you can cut with a knife, and you've got what's in this car, at this moment: Hell.

The radio is blaring some music to cover up the fact that neither woman has said a word since they left the Hyperion. Neither looks at the other, except out of the corner of their eye, each keeping the distance between them. They might as well be strangers.

Willow stares straight ahead, maneuvering for better position in traffic. Every minute in the car is torture, and she just wants it to end. But the end is even worse, because then Faith is gone, and she still doesn't know how she's going to deal with that. So, she drives, trying to concentrate on traffic and put everything else out of her mind. Why doesn't that ever work?

It's over. She hasn't said it's over, but it's all done except putting it in the ground. Well, what did you expect, dummy? After nearly killing her? Hugs and cuddly kittens? I lost it, I let the monster out. When they took her away in the ambulance, I didn't know if she'd live or die. But I know something died that night. She hasn't said anything, not a word. She hasn't treated me differently, not really… but I can see it. In her eyes, when she looks at me. See what I never saw before. Something I never wanted to see when she looked at me … fear.

A driver cuts in front of Willow, forcing her to slam on the brakes. Both women do an imitation of bobble-headed dolls, and Willow, already on edges, yells out : " IDIOT!" She checks the rear view and side view mirrors, and notices Faith looking at her, with a slightly amused expression on her face.

" What? " Willow mutters, exasperated and still shaken, " it wasn't my fault. That … moron cut in front of me."

Faith just half grins, reaches and snaps off the radio, and turns away.

" Well, he did! " Willow insists, feeling aggrieved.

" Uh-huh " Faith mumbles, staring out the passenger window.

Willow lapses back into silence, now the predominate sound in the car. The unease that's characterized their relationship settles back in like an old friend, and Willow knows that'll probably be the last conversation they have before reaching the airport.

It's going to be a long ride.

* * *

Hyperion Hotel 

3 weeks prior

Willow roams aimlessly around the garden, having escaped her room just a few minutes prior.

She'd felt like a caged animal up in her room, pacing and sitting, not finding a place she could settle down. She looked through her books, trying to find something to occupy her mind, but that was useless. Finally she caught herself in the mirror, and stared. For a moment she didn't recognize the woman staring back at her. _Who ARE you?_

Now she wanders, looking at the flowers, trying to find some peace in herself, but it's rather useless. Faith's bringing Buffy to the hotel today, and she's too on edge. _I should be there._ But being around Faith right now is just too hard. Too many things have been left unsaid in the last week. Kira went with Faith instead, Willow being the only one to stay at the hotel.

Willow wonders exactly what she's done. What she's become, who she is. Obviously, not the same girl who used to go into geeker joy over a new software program or a hardware upgrade. Not the same girl who used to get tongue tied if someone looked at her with more than a passing interest. Obviously, not the same shy girl who glommed onto an ex-cheerleader turned hero, basking in the reflected light of her glory. Things had changed, she had changed. And she knows in her heart, there's no going back. Much as sometimes, like… now? when she would give anything to go back.

Sighing, she sits on the fountain bench in the middle of the garden, and assumes a lotus position. She decides to use one of the meditation techniques the Coven taught her when she was in England, rehabilitating. Closing her eyes, she concentrates, working on controlling the rhythm of her breathing, bringing it to a steady, quiet flow. _Empty your mind,_ she thinks, as she concentrates on the image of a swinging gate, _let the thoughts go. Let it all go, don't worry about what's around you…_

She's jarred by the sound of laughter. It's cynical laughter, and she knows it's aimed at her. Annoyed, and somewhat frustrated, she opens her eyes and whirls in the direction of the laughter, ready to do some serious verbal bashing.

She gasps and takes a step back when she sees who's laughing. All the self control she's trying to achieve goes out the window. _It's not possible. It… no way it's possible!_

Dark Willow, fully realized, gestures at the place where Willow was sitting.

" What's this, grasshopper? Do a little meditating? Gee, how… loser-like" She laughs, and moves her hands in tight little circles. " Ooo… Wax on, Wax off, huh? Mr. Miagi would be so proud. " She stands appraising Willow with a cynical smirk.

" No way! No freaking way!" Willow exclaims, backing up, " You.. you can't exist!"

Dark Willow just laughs at her, circling around the fountain to get closer.

" Oh, no. You mean I'm not real? " Dark Willow feigns surprise, " Oh dear, oh dear… guess I shouldn't taken out that subscription to the time-life Big Bads of History series, huh?"

" Oh, no… no, no, and no. You're not real. I'm having a Twin Peaks moment." Willow shuts her eyes tightly. She squints out through one eye, and sees Dark Willow standing directly in front of her, hand on hip, snickering at her. " Crap!"

" Ah, c'mon baby, It's not all that bad. Insanity, I mean. It can be fun!" Dark Willow arches her brow, " try it, you might like it." Willow squeezes her eyes shut again, and Dark Willow sighs heavily, " Oh, stop it. You're not insane, just having a vision, idiot. Get over it already."

" Vision?" Willow peeks out at her again, " Why would I have a vision of you, for goodness sake?"

" Well, I think we both know it's not for goodness sake, " Dark Willow says, " but I just couldn't take one more Willow self-flagellating-athon, know what I mean? "

" Huh?" Willow looks puzzled.

" Oh, please, we all know where this was going. First you were going to try to empty old big brain there, and that's so not going to happen, then you're going to call on say Diana to come to your aid, and show you wisdom. Again, not going to happen, then it was going to be " poor-me-Willow" pity party time." She rolls her eyes, " do you know how annoying the whining gets after awhile?"

" I don't whine!" Willow snaps back defensively, "I… well, I … regret!"

" Whine, regret, whine, regret. All sounds the same to me, " Dark Willow shakes her head, " And the thing is, you call me out to do your dirty work, then it's " But I didn't mean to do it". God, get real, girl"

" This is bogus, " Willow starts pacing, trying to shut out Dark Willow, " it's not happening. It's just too much stress, too much worry, I'm having a slight nervous breakdown and when I'm better, you'll be gone, and this'll be over. Just breathe, Willow; take deep breaths… one… two…."

" Listen, cutie. You can go on and on about having nervous breakdowns, or whatever you want to tell yourself. You can deny me, go on being little Miss Willow of Sunnyhell farm, do whatever you think you gotta do, but end of the day? Still gonna be her, girl. Not going anywhere."

" Not listening, you're evil ! " Willow clamps her hand over her ears, "La, la, la, la , la, la, la!" Willow turns away from Dark Willow.

" Oh yeah, that always works, " Dark Willow smirks, " Dim-wit, I'm in your head. Covering your ears? not going to block me out! "

" Oh," Willow lowers her hands, " well, I was right, then. You're not real. So, I'll just pretend your not there, not let you get to me, and eventually you'll fade out. "

" The old ' ignore me and I'll go away trick? ' Sorry, not going to work," Dark Willow walks over to the bench, and lounges on it. " C'mon, sit down, we'll talk about it."

Willow stands, arms crossed over chest, pretending she doesn't hear her.

" Fine, wanna play that way, fine, " Dark Willow says. She gestures, and Willow finds herself sitting on the bench next to the reclining Dark Willow, " now, lets stop the crap, shall we? "

Willow put her face in her hands, hunching over, " This is wrong. So wrong on so many levels."

" Oh, great. Back to the whining portion of the discussion. Just swell ! " Again, she sighs heavily, " I swear, you're the dumbest genius I've ever met. Oh wait, you're the only genius I've ever met. Tells you a little something about my scope of acquaintances, doesn't it? Well, listen up, imbecile. I'm as real as you are. " She pauses for effect, " maybe because I'm you. "

" No! You're not me! You're evil! " Willow protests, " I'm not evil! "

" Ok you're missing the whole " I'm you " thing, aren't you? " Dark Willow mocks.

" I'm NOT you… no, wait; YOU'RE not me… yeah, that's it … you're not ME! "

" Uh-huh, " Dark Willow says. She switches to a sing-song voice, " I doth think the lady doth protest too much! "

Willow starts to protest, then shuts up, staring at Dark Willow tight-lipped.

"Finally, she shuts up. Shoulda thought of that one sooner," Dark Willow grins, " Listen, kiddo, first of all lets get some things straight here, ok? This you- me crap? It's just that, crap. It's all you…or me… or whatever you want to call it. We're both a part of the whole thing called Willow, got it? "

Willow just glares at her.

" Hey, look I wasn't the one that played around with dark magicks, giving me form, you know. That was you're doing, girl. So don't get all huffy with me! " Dark Willow shrugs, " you've got this whole denial thing going, and frankly? It's boring. I'm part of you girl, like it or not. So, get used to it."

" Wrong-o. You're because of the dark magicks. Because I used dark magic for revenge. You're just… something that lives inside me, waiting to get out and cause trouble."

" Convenient, isn't it? I mean, blaming 'me' when you want to do things 'you' wouldn't think of doing. Uh-huh. all goes boom, however, when you realize… I'm YOU, dope! "

" Liar! LIAR! I'm not evil ! " Willow cries out, angrily. Dark Willow just laughs at her. " I'm not. I'm… well, I'm not evil ! "

" Oh, well, then that settles that. I guess I'll just be disappearing any second now. " Dark Willow lounges back, humming a little tune to herself. She checks out her nails, and then pulls a compact out of her purse. She frowns. " Hey, do you think I can get a good base to cover the veins? "

"Are you still here?" Willow says, glancing at Dark Willow angrily. " I mean, it's not even possible for you to be here. Right? I mean, you say you're part of me, so how come you're out here, with me?"

" Duh, I'm not like here, here. I'm in your head, loser, " Dark Willow shakes her head, " you're pretty stupid for being so smart, you know?"

" Uh-huh… got it. So, " Willow queries, " what do you want?"

" Want? I dunno… maybe a nice house, somewhere on the beach. A cool car, something kinda sporty, you know? Chicks really dig that. Oh, hey, I'd really like that girlfriend of yours? What's her name? Faith? Hot little bitch, and such a fighter! Oh, and hey, she's got some nice nasty running through her, too. Yeah, lip smacking good, that one!"

" Shut UP! You leave Faith outta this!" Willow yells.

" Would you be quiet? Geeze, they're gonna think your nuts, you know! And hey, if I want her, what're you gonna do about it? Kill me?" Dark Willow chuckles.

" I might, " Willow says, getting defensive, " I know there's gotta be a spell to get rid of you. I just gotta find it."

" Look, clueless, let me give you a tip, " Dark Willow leans over and whispers in Willow's ear, " the only way you can get rid of me, is to kill yourself." She straightens up, and pulls out a wicked looking knife. She tosses it to Willow. " So, babe, are you serious? Want shuck of me? Well, here's your chance." She stands and looks around, " Everybody seems to be gone. No one to stop you. I sure won't. Go ahead, do it!"

Willow looks at the knife in her hand. She looks up, her expression bleak. Then her eyes narrow, and she tosses the knife at Dark Willow. It passes right through her.

" Ooops, missed. No, wait, you didn't , did you?" Dark Willow smirks at her. " Still not getting it, are you? You can't kill me, you can't order me out, and you can't really suppress me. Why? Because I'm integral to you, Willow. I'm part of you, same as your arms or your eyes. And hey, another clue? I'm not like ' new '. Like you keep telling yourself. I've been with you oh… forever. I'm all the times you've been slighted and hurt. I'm the anger within you, the resentment, and the fear. I'm the thing that hides in the dark and gets mean when someone picks on you. Remember how crappy you felt when you caught Xander kissing Cordelia in the stacks. Yeah, that was me. Remember how angry you got at Tara, when she thought maybe you were going a little heavy on the magicks? Guess who! I'm the one that spurs you on to fight back when your attacked, I'm the one that keeps you from peeing your pants when you're in danger. I'm all of that, and so much more. I'm your fear, your hates, and I'm the one that steels your spine when you fight. Without me, baby? You're nothing." Dark Willow comes around, and gets into Willow's face, " you've got this stupid notion that somehow, I'm separate from you, that you can put me down, bottle me up, and poof, I'm not here. Guess again. I'm always here, always lurking just below the surface, Willow. I don't need that black arts book, Willow to come out. That's just a crutch, you know? Any time you get made enough, you hate enough; any time you lose control, well, baby, that's an open door to me."

" NO! " Willow yells, then softens her tone. " No. I won't… I can't … if that's true, then yeah, maybe I should just slit my wrists. Do everybody a favor." Willow grows morose.

"Are you congenitally stupid?" Dark Willow sneers at Willow, " Sure, go ahead, and kill yourself. No skin off my nose. Oh, yeah, I don't have a nose. Don't you get it? Didn't you pay attention to anything the Coven or Giles taught you? It's all connected. Like the light, the dark is all a part of a whole. Killing yourself only releases me back into the network. Just like it releases the light inside you. The only thing that goes poof is your soul. The you in you. Killing yourself only cuts off the good YOU might do for the world."

" Then it's hopeless, isn't it?" Willow, feeling more depressed, moans. " Damned if I do, damned if I don't"

" The only hopeless thing around here is trying to get you to listen, god, that's hopeless. Listen to me, you idiot. I'm giving you the answer, free, and you're dancing all around it like it's a hot bed of coals. You don't wanna see me anymore? Well, then, here's how. Don't!"

"Oh sure, it's so clear now, I'll just … huh?" Willow taunts Dark Willow.

" Oh, please, you really suck at the sarcasm, ok? Leave it to the pros, " Dark Willow dismisses her. " Here's the plan. Stop whining, stop feeling sorry for yourself, start taking responsibility for yourself, and, oh yeah, embrace what you are. Simple as that."

" you wanna embrace?" Willow gets squirmy at the thought of it.

" Get real. The gay thing? That's your light side, not me." Dark Willow shivers, " no, embrace what you are, you imbecile. All of it. Stop trying to blame some phantom ' Dark Willow', " Dark Willow bows at this juncture, " and instead, use what it gives you. The fire, the passion, the coldness needed to get the job done? That I give you. The power? That's a bonus. Instead of trying to bottle me up, so I keep building and building and building til I'm ready to pop, use what I've got to give you. Your light side? Really sweet… gag… and really a charmer… gag, double gag… but me? I'm the iron under all that velvet, you know? So why fight me? Why keep trying to make me into something I'm not? Just use me, loser."

" Yeah, that's a great plan. Except, what if I lose control, again? Then you're out, doing the evil thing, giving my friends hell… trying to kill my friends. Yeah, great plan you got there… NOT!" Willow turns her back.

" Yeah, well you got any better ideas? Cuz, I'm all ears if you do. Thing is Sparky, I'm here, like it or not. And, when you try to push me down, bottle me up? I only get stronger. Did ya notice I didn't poop out quite as fast as last time? Know why? Cuz every time I get out and drive? I get stronger, and you get weaker. What a hoot? Right now, I should shut up, and just let you keep being a dolt. Soon enough, I'd be in control. Thing is, this is your mind talking to you, and not me, so it's not my choice. It's yours. So, go ahead, keep trying to make me go away. One of these days, I'll get out and watch out world, there won't be no going back . There really won't be any Willow left to take back the reins."

" Get real. Are you shitting me? Think I'm gonna believe that crap? "

Before Willow can blink, Dark Willow's in her face. Her eyes are blazing, and all humor is gone from her face.

" Do I look like I'm shitting you?" Her voice has dropped an octave.

Suddenly, Willow's flying through the air, and lands in the garden, hard on her butt. Dark Willow's on top of her, glaring down at her.

" Think I like being trapped in you, you wimp? Think I like all the moaning and groaning I gotta listen to? All the " poor me's" and the " Oh, I'm so good" and all that crap? Think it's a hoot? I'd so like to rip that face of yours off and wear it like a mask. But I can't because, right now, for now YOU'RE IN CONTROL. But don't get cocky with me, bitch. Cuz, keep it up, and I'm gonna bust out, kill your friends and then, for giggles, you. So, this is your wake up call. Listen up. Get it together, or die. Me? I betting on the latter, but somebody higher up thinks you might actually pull it off. That's a joke!" Dark Willow leans over, and lays a scratch on Willow's cheek. " Just so you remember me, bitch. Cuz, I aint done with you yet!"

Dark Willow slaps Willow hard.

In that instant, the scene changes, and Willow's back on the bench, in the lotus position. She blinks and opens her eyes, looking around. She feels confused, and a little disoriented.

A dream. It was only a dream.

Then she feels the stinging on her cheek . She touches it, and looks at her fingers. _Blood!_

She looks down at the ground in front of her. Written in red, on the pavement, is a message. _Is that blood?_

" DON'T FORGET ME BITCH. I'M WATCHING FOR MY BIG COMING-OUT PARTY! "

Willow shivers when she hears the laugh and realizes she's alone.

* * *

Los Angeles 

On the road to the Airport

Faith looks out the window at the passing traffic. She's drumming her fingers on the door impatiently.

" Could you stop that, please? It's distracting," Willow says from the other side of the front seat.

Faith barely turns her head towards Willow and says, " Sorry ". But she ceases drumming her fingers. She realizes she probably should've left the radio on, but she couldn't take the sound anymore. It's still throbbing in her head.

She stares out at the passing traffic. The buildings seem to whoosh by, even though she knows instinctively they're driving below speed limit because of traffic. Still, she can feel herself getting closer and closer to the airport, and with each passing minute, the knots in her stomach draw tighter.

Faith briefly looks at Willow, and her heart sinks a little more. Willow's face is grim, almost to the point of hostility. Her hands are tightly gripping the wheel, and the conversation has been minimal, at best. _Perhaps that's for the best,_ Faith thinks, as she returns her gaze to the outside.

Faith knows how Willow feels about the decision she made. She also knows Willow is hurt and upset because she, Faith, didn't let her in on more of the details. _But if she knew what I was facing, she'd probably just be more freaked by it._ Faith sighs, trying to relieve some of the burning going on inside.

Faith makes another furtive glance towards Willow. She doesn't linger on Willow, she knows if she does, her resolve will weaken. She'll want to shuck this crap, to stop the car, turn it around. Take Willow, and Buffy, and Kira, and go away somewhere. A far, far away somewhere. _Screw the world, what's it ever done for me? For any of us?_ But she knows she won't; she really can't do that. She's not the 17 year old girl that showed up in Sunnydale all those years ago, with nothing but her own concerns in tow. Everything that's happened to her has brought her to this point, and she can't stop now.

She has to go through with it. If she doesn't, she'll kiss everything she's worked for these last 18 months goodbye. Everything she's given up, all the dreams, will be for nothing. Her mission will be lost, and the thing… the awful thing that's coming? Nothing will be in place to stop it. All of Angel's sacrifice, along with Wesley, Gunn, and Fred's, will be for nothing. Their death will just be a prelude to the death that's waiting.

Even if that weren't so, she still had to do this. She can't run far enough to get away from the clan, and now they seem to be after her blood. Worse, she knows it won't stop with her. Willow would be in danger, as would Kira and Buffy. They wouldn't leave any loose ends, any possibilities of repercussions. _They're all in danger because of me. I've gotta protect them. I got to!_

In her head, she knows she's doing the right thing. It's the only way.

_So why is everything feeling so wrong?_ She wonders, as she watches the passing traffic.

* * *

Hyperion Hotel 

2 weeks prior

Morning

Kira walks with a confident stride through the garden leading to the main entrance. It's put on, however. She doesn't feel nearly as confident as she looks.

She stops and checks herself out in the glass door, turning right then left, checking her look. She fusses a little, straightening here, pulling there. She smiles, weakly, and lets herself in.

_What're you doing, Kira Hearne? What do you think? She's going to be looking for you or something? Oh, this is so silly. I mean, c'mon, there's nothing between you, you know that Kira. She's not even going to give you a second glance. Anyway, not like … I love her or anything. Just got all emotional at the hospital. I mean, geeze, I watched her get shot … of course I'm going to get a little freaked. She's a friend, after all. But nothing more, and that's for the best, anyway. I'm not… like… oh crap. Who am I kidding? Me, maybe. You know that little blonde makes you nuts … in a good way. And you know that she doesn't give a crap for you. Not that way. She's just being friendly, and you're getting it all wrong, as usual. With your record in the romance department? You couldn't even tell the difference if it came up and held up a big sign right in front of your face. You're just doing some wishful thinking, and you better stop it, now. Nothing's gonna happen here. Nothing. Ok? So get it together, girl._

Kira is almost in the office when she sees something on the reception desk counter. Curious, she walks over, and sees it's a single red rose in a bud vase. _Isn't that pretty?_ She thinks, as she looks around for a note. She only sees a yellow post-it attached to the vase. It only says " Smell me". She leans over to smell it, and notices a little note tucked in the petals. She opens it, and it reads :

" Mmmm. Pretty. Now, go into the office, please!"

With a puzzled look on her face, she complies. She walks into the office, and on the center of the desk is a bowl. She walks over, and notes it's something to eat, with whipped cream on top. She smiles, seeing a little yellow post-it note on the bowl. It simply says " Taste me". Smiling a small smile, she takes the spoon by the bowl, and takes a small bite of the contents. She's never had a chocolate mousse before, and it's like heaven in her mouth.

" Oh, god, that's wonderful, " She says to herself, spooning more of the chocolate delight into her mouth. She quickly finishes the confection, picking up the bowl in the process. She notices another note under the bowl, folded up like the one in the rose. Setting the bowl back on the desk, she retrieves the note and opens it. It reads:

" Mmmm. Sweet. Now, look in the closet, please!"

Kira is feeling a little giggly. No one's ever done anything like this before. Not for her anyway. Then a thought hits her. _Oh, god… what if it's not for me? It could be for Faith!_ She looks guiltily at the bowl of the now demolished mousse._ Oh man, what've I done? Damn me!_ She carefully replaces the note she found under the bowl. _Crap, I'll have to run out and find something to substitute for the … whatever that wonderful stuff was. Oh, god, why didn't I think?_ She was convinced now it had to be Willow. She knew Willow and Faith had been having some difficulties… _she probably did this to make it up. And I ruined it!_ _Well, I'll fix it. Go to the little donut shop around the corner. They had some nice éclairs. That'll do, I guess. Hope that … whatever wasn't a fave of Faith's. Damn, I'm so stupid!_ She starts towards the door, but stops. She's curious what Willow has in the closet. _I'll just peek in… won't disturb it. Hope faith appreciates the trouble Willow went through… I know I would, if it were … well…ok, go look idiot, and don't make a bigger mess of things. Oh, god, and return that note to the rose!_ She walks to the closet, and hesitates. _I really shouldn't… oh, heck, I'm already screwed. What more can Willow do to me? _She opens the door. Inside, on a stool, is the cutest little stuffed teddy bear. It's dressed up in women's business suit, carrying a little briefcase. Kira smiles.

" That's so sweet. Faith is going to…" She notices a name on the briefcase. _Kira Hearne._ She stands quietly for a moment, overwhelmed. _It _was_ for me! But who…?_

She picks up the bear, and sees a little post-it note on the collar.

" Hug me" it says, and Kira hugs the little bear. As she does, she feels a note tucked under the bear's blouse. She reaches in, and opens it.

" Mmmm… soft. Thanks for the hug! "

But unlike the other notes, there's more.

**_Dear Kira,_**

**_I know what you've been doing._**

_What I've been doing? Huh?_

**_Faith told me that you stayed with me that first night I was in the hospital. You wouldn't leave, even when they tried to throw you out ! You stayed all night. What you don't know is I saw you there that night._**

Faith, I'm so going to kill you…and what? You saw me? But, you were out cold.

**_I woke up, and saw you sleeping. Poor baby, you looked so tired! Uncomfortable, too, leaning over the bed and snoozing!_**

Ok, totally embarrassed now! God, I hope I wasn't snoring! Or drooling! That would be pretty!

_**Thing is, I know you didn't have to do that. You could've gone home, and slept in a comfy bed. But you didn't. You stayed with me, and it means a lot. That you cared. It really means a lot that you cared! I felt safe, with you there. I guess that's kind of silly, I mean, lots of security and stuff at the hospital, right? But, I felt safer with you there.**_

**_What I'm trying to say, in my stupid way, is thank you. Not only for staying with me, but for being a good friend to me. I know I haven't been such a good friend to you. I've caused you some grief, especially with Faith, getting you in hot water with her more than once. But I've had a lot of time to think about a lot of things, and I want to be a better friend to you. You know? I mean, I want to try, anyway, if you'll let me._ **

_**This is sounding more like an apology, than a thank you, and I guess it is .I just don't want you to think I'm a goof off, or like that. I want you to think better of me, you know? Someone you can count on. So I guess I'm asking for a second chance to do better. I really want to do better, you know? All around, but especially, with you. I want you to be proud of me. Is that so bad? I don't know, but I do want that.**_

_Oh, yeah. Let's see. You dive in front of everybody, and take a bullet to save us. Yeah, you're a real goof off. You silly goose, of course I'm proud of you!_

_**So, did you like your little gifts? Sorry, I didn't really have a lot of money to spend, but I wanted to give you something special… best I could do. In case you didn't get what I was saying, You're pretty like the rose, sweet and light like the mousse, and… well, I'll let you figure out the bear, ok? Right. Major corny I know. Sorry.**_

_**I guess what I'm saying is your one special woman, Kira. I know right now, like me, that you're kind of between relationships. But I know that won't last long. Not for you, anyway. Anyone that can't see how special you are is pretty blind, you know? They'd be pretty lucky, you know, to get you!**_

_What're you saying, Buffy? Do you want to be lucky? Can you make it more vague here? Or maybe I'm just not reading this right?_ Kira shakes her head, confused. Her emotions are all over the place at the moment. _All you'd have to say is boo, Buffy!_

_**Ok, major mushy now. I'm sorry, I get carried away sometimes. I just wanted to thank you. So, thanks.**_

_**Buffy.**_

_**Ps. The bear got the hugs. Lucky bear!**_

Kira re-reads the letter several times, but each reading only makes her more confused. _What does she want? Why can't she just say what she feels? What DOES she feel? Oh, and you're being Ms. Honesty here, Kira?_ Sighing, she walks out of the office, still holding the letter. Think maybe if I ask her, she'll tell me? Nawwww. Probably not. For a moment, Kira considers just not dealing with it, letting it slide._ It's easier that way, not having to face your feelings, just letting things roll along. Best not to make waves, not to make something out of nothing. Just let it go…_

Then she gets this look. The same look she gets when she has to face any difficult situation. Kira's not a go with the flow girl. She's a doer, a get to it, get it done girl. That's part of the reason Faith chose her to be her assistant/ COO. Kira is a get in your face and dig out the truth kind of person. Some would say she's a Type-A personality; they'd be wrong. She has a softness, a vulnerability that softens the driven image. She's not obnoxious, but she doesn't just take it in the gut.

Kira heads for the staircase, determined to confront Buffy and find out just exactly what's she playing at here._ Ok, Buffy. You think you can just get away with confusing me, huh? You think just because you're cute and sexy and all that I'm just going to … what? Moon over you? Well, get this, girl. You might be the slayer, but I'm the… well, I'm damned tough, too! I don't take no crap from nobody… even if you've got these dynamite hazel eyes that make me go all swoony when you look at me. STOP THAT! THIS IS SERIOUS STUFF HERE!_ Kira mounts the stair as if she's going into a hostile meeting of the board; her jaw is set, her mouth is a straight line, her eyes look hard and determined. _I'm getting to the bottom of this, whatever it is . Maybe you only want to be friends. Fine. I don't like that idea, but hey, I'll live with it! I'm strong, I can be your friend. That's cool. Or maybe, you want more. But you got this googly squishy all tied up in knots feelings about Faith. Well, what's that about, anyway? I mean, what does Faith got that I haven't got. Oh, yeah, sure, she's got the superpower thing, but that's so not important, you know? And sure, she walks into a room, and everybody like rivets on her, because even when she's dressed like corporate America, she's got this sensual sexy thing. But, hey, blondie, in case you haven't noticed, I'm pretty damned sexy too! You'd know that if you'd only open your eyes and look at me. Arrgh! This is stupid. Don't care what she decides, but that little pipsqueak of a slayer isn't going to go around dragging my heart around making ME crazy. Uh, uh. I'm … well, I'm just better than that _!

Kira marches up to Buffy's door, and starts knocking rapidly on it.

" Hey, Buffy … open up. We gotta talk! I wanna know what you're playing at here! C'mon, open up. I got your little surprise, and this letter, and I want to know exactly what you're trying to say here. I don't like vague, and I don't play games. So, open this door now!"

Kira keeps rapping on the door, but there's no response.

" You can't hide in there, Buffy. I'm not going away. I don't believe in oblique messages and vague , crossed signals. You ought to know that by now. I'm a pretty plain, straight shooting person. I don't go beating around the bush about these things, you know."

" Kira?"

" C'mon, Buffy, I know you're in there. Get out here. Face me. Don't be going and doing things like that, then try to pretend that there's nothing going on. I know you've got this … thing for Faith, but hey, I don't care. I want answers, and I want them now, so open this door!"

" Kira!"

" I love you, Buffy Summers, and I don't give a rat's patootie who knows it! I'm willing to put it out there, so don't be a coward. Get your butt out here, and talk to me!"

" KIRA !"

Kira, finally hearing the voice behinds her, nearly jumps out of her skin. She turns, and sees Willow leaning against her doorjamb, smiling at her. She blushes about 12 shades of red.

" Willow!" Kira croaks out, feeling suddenly entirely foolish. " How long have you been there?" _Well, don't you feel clever now, Kira?_

" Oh, pretty much from the…" Willow raps furiously on her door " … part"

" Oh" Kira says quietly. _Embarrassed much, Kira?_

" I was just going to tell you that Buffy left. I heard her go out awhile ago…guess you figured that out by now, though, huh?" Willow does her best to suppress a giggle. Kira looks totally mortified. For a second, Willow almost forgets her own problems.

Kira, til now, hasn't gotten a good look at Willow, being surprised then embarrassed, but she takes a look now, and she's a little taken aback. Willow looks somewhat pale, her freckles standing out more than usual. Her eyes look hollow, and have dark rings under them. More, even though she's smiling, her eyes look sad.

" I… uhhh…I'm sorry I bothered you, Willow, " Kira says, starting to back away, " I… guess you're not feeling well… I'll just go now…" She starts to walk away.

" Kira, what letter?" Willow calls out.

" Ummm… it's not really important, Willow, it can wait. You just rest, ok? I hope you're feeling better!"

" WHOA! You can't just come up here, trying to knock down Buffy's door, and go on and say you love my best friend, and then just walk away like nothing happened, you know. Get your butt back here, Kira!"

" Oh, you heard that?" Kira grins, ruefully, under Willow's gaze. " … of course you did. Hey, it's …. It'll wait, ok? You've been ill, it's not a big thing…"

" Kira Hearne!" Willow's voice gets its bossy tone, and she puts on her resolve face. " This is my resolve face. You know what that means!" Seeing Kira's puzzled expression, Willow continues, " ok, maybe you don't. It means I'm resolved to get to the bottom of this, and I'll hound you to the ends of the earth until you tell me. So, what? You want to just tell me, or do I get the hounds?"

" Willow, you look…"

" Yeah, ok, I don't look great, I get that ok?" Willow says, a little grimly, " I'm not sick. I've been having some trouble sleeping… now, get over here before I turn you into a newt, or something." Willow grins, and this time, the grin reaches her eyes. " Now, gimme!" Willow holds her hand out for the letter.

" Really, Willow, it can wait…" Kira's feeling a little stupid over the whole thing now, and just wants to go away.

" Is that a fact? Didn't sound like that a couple of minutes ago when you were beating down Buffy's door. Now, gimme!" Willow waggles her hand at Kira, expectantly, " don't know if Faith or Buffy told you, but there's a unspoken rule around here. Don't mess with the witch!"

Kira puts the letter in Willow's hand, who snatches it away quickly before Kira can change her mind. She scans over the letter, then looks up at Kira. She reads it again, more slowly, and the little grin on her face broadens.

"What?" Kira says, nervously, seeing Willow's expression, "What?"

Willow looks up at Kira, and in a sing-song voice sings : " Kira 'n Buffy, sittin' in a tree… K-I-S-S-I-N-G …"

" Stop it!" Kira blushes prettily, " That's… where do you get that from?"

" Oh, you didn't mean it when you said ' I love you Buffy Summers, and I don't give a rat's patootie who knows it' ? ". Seeing Kira's blush, she holds out the letter, " it's all right here, Kira."

" Oh, c'mon, Willow. she's about as clear as fog In that letter…"

" uh… huh… look, Kira, I've known Buffy for longer than anybody. She's my best friend, and I'm telling you, this is about as close to a love letter as you're going to get out of her…until she knows how you feel, that is. I love Buffy, don't get me wrong, but she's all about the beating around the bush. Especially since every romance she's had? They've left her, or died. She's kinda… forget that, she's totally gun shy." Willow looks at the letter and quotes, " You're pretty like the rose, and sweet and light like the mousse. Bear? What bear?" Willow looks at Kira.

" She got me this stuffed bear. It's … well, it's all dressed up in a business suit, and it has a briefcase with my name on it…"

"Oh, " Willow looks puzzled for a second. " Oh!" She gets it. " Like Mr. Gordo!"

" Huh?"

" Her stuffed pig. She's had it forever, and she still cuddles it… oh my god…" Willow goes to the end of the letter. " Oh…of course! God, she's jonesing for some cuddling I think. Know anyone that might…" Willow looks at Kira, who blushes again. "Thought so!"

" How do you get that from that?" Kira points at the letter.

" Buffy's all about the cryptic, at times. I'm afraid you've got your work cut out for you, Kira, " Willow says, trying her best to look serious, but her grin keeps giving her away. " She… I think the last year or two have been harder on her than everyone thinks… even I didn't get it… not til that night when she went all wacky and … well, you know…"

" Yeah… I know, " Kira says, her tone a little glum, " Faith. She's got the major jonesing for Faith."

" Yeah, " Willow says, not sounding all that happy, " I know." She brightens, " but I'm beginning to thinks she realizes that maybe that's not going to happen."

Kira catches a brittleness in Willow's tone, " Of course it's not going to happen. Faith loves you, Willow! "

" Uh-huh," Willow says, sounding unconvinced, " I don't think Faith has those same feelings for Buffy. I don't believe so, anyway…"

" She doesn't, " Kira says firmly. She grabs Willow's hand, " She doesn't. I've spent over a year with Faith, and the only person she ever talked about loving is you, Willow. Honest! "

" Maybe… before I tried to kill her, " Willow lip begins to quiver.

Kira's eyes go wide.

" She won't talk to me, Kira. I mean, really talk to me. I don't mean like " Hi, how're you doing," that kind of stuff… she avoids me, I swear she finds somewhere else to be when … if I can even get her alone." Willow pulls her hand back from Kira. " I think maybe I'll…" She looks towards her room.

" Willow, please, talk to me. Hiding away isn't going to help," Kira says softly. Willow just sighs, and looks at her with infinitely sad eyes. She turns and walks into her room.

Kira follows her, and almost gets hit in the face when Willow starts to close the door.

" Kira, I know you mean to help, but I really need to be alone right now…"

" No. I'm sorry, but no. Too much being alone, too much hiding feelings and hiding things. Too many damned secrets around here, " Kira says, her mind made up.

Willow sits on the bed, looking down. Kira sits beside her, and puts an arm around her. She looks up, and notices the mirror on the dresser is broken.

" What happened?" She asks Willow. Willow just shakes her head.

" Evil, she's evil, I can't stand looking at her!" Willow talks about herself in the third person, " she sits there, mocking me, taunting me… all the time… and she … oh god, I nearly killed Faith." Willow starts to shake. " I'm evil, Kira. God, I'm evil."

" Shhh, shhh, " Kira tries to soothe her, " It's ok, Willow, just tell me what happened…"

Willow bites her lip to get control, and slowly, haltingly, tells Kira about the night Buffy was shot. What happened at the hotel, what she did as Faith when she was Dark Willow. She also tells her about the garden incident, when they went to get Buffy at the hospital. How scared she was when she saw the writing on the ground. How she scrubbed it out. How she came to smash the mirrors in her room, because she sees ' her ' looking back at her, mocking and taunting her. How she hasn't slept more than an hour at a time for the last week.

"… I look at her now, Kira, and I can see the fear in her eyes, " Willow says slowly, " she fears me Kira, and that's what hurts the most. I could take anger, or even… hate, I guess… but knowing what I did makes her fear me…" Willow turns away, scrunching herself up, trying to hide from herself, " the worst is the … coldness. I can feel her withdrawing from me. I know I deserve it, but it's so…so…" Willow leans in on her for support.

Kira looks at the woman in her arms, and she shuts her eyes. Her mouth becomes a grim line. I won't… I can't let her…

"Willow?" Kira says gently disengaging Willow. " Listen to me."

Willow sits limply, head hanging. She doesn't respond.

" Willow, I need you to listen to me, " Kira says firmly, raising Willow's chin and staring her in the face.

" What?" Willow says despairingly, lost in a murk of self accusation and anger. Right now listening to Kira's buck up and don't despair talk is really the last thing she wants to hear.

" I didn't know what happened that night, when I was with Buffy in the hospital, and I'm not going to happy crap you and say it doesn't have a little to do with Faith's attitude, but it's not the main reason. Not by a long shot." Kira looks at Willow solemnly. " You have to promise that you won't tell anyone else what I'm going to tell you. I can get seriously dead if this gets about. We clear?"

Willow sees the seriousness of Kira's expression. " I won't tell anyone, Kira. But you don't have to…"

" No, I meant what I said before. There has been way too many secrets going on around here, and …that has to change. At least with you and Faith. You belong together, even IF she's too stubborn sometimes for her own good."

" Lehane is old, you're aware of that, right?" Willow nods, and Kira continues, " It's as old, and some say, older, than the Watchers. I've done a lot of research on the origins of Lehane, and what I've found is that first of all, the Legend of the Slayer is not exactly accurate. The three old men, wise men, that supposedly imbued the essence of a demon into the first Slayer, the primitive? Not right. The first slayer had the essence of Demon in her, but she was raped by an incorporeal demon, who transferred it's essence to create yet another hybrid on this earth( the old ones were fast disappearing at the this time.) But something went wrong with his plan, because the Primitive, the first slayer, was a holy vessel of the Powers that Be. She was of us, Lehane. The first worshippers of the Powers. The Slayer is unique amongst all others. She is a mixture of the dark and the light, order and chaos, good and evil. No one knew exactly what the result would be, and that's why the Watchers were created. To watch over her, train her, turn her towards the light. At one time, early on, the watchers were part of us, Lehane."

" Lehane was, and still is, to a great extent, a matriarchal society, run, but not ruled, by women. We were worshippers of the Power that Be, and the natural world around us, the gifts we felt from those that protected and helped us. Gaia is our symbol, our liaison to those that cannot be understood. This should be somewhat familiar to you, as Wicca is very much based upon the teachings of Lehane." Willow nods, beginning to understand that Kira is not all she seems to be; she's very much more than that. " We were The Powers chosen, the ones to lead the forces of light in the final battle. Some of us received great powers; more were imbued with the warrior spirit, to be the army against chaos. Our society was orderly, peaceful, and harmonious. We all had common cause in those times."

" That changed with the coming of the Slayer. Here was one that had never come before, had never been before. A child of the light and darkness, a great force for good… or for evil. There was no way of telling at first which way she would go. And yes, the slayer is always a 'she', because it's found that in the end, women are the best warriors. They are not only brave, and strong, and resourceful, but they know instinctively when to fight, and when not. They are more connected to the universe, to the earth, and all that flows in this thing we call reality."

" The Slayer, though she wasn't known by that title at the time, was charged to the keeping of the Sanctus simultas, The holy shamans. It's here that the troubles, as they're known, began. As is all too common now, men just don't like women telling them what to do, " Kira smiles ruefully, knowing all too well the truth of that statement," they chafed under the leadership of the clan, and slowly, they began to break away. More and more, they explored, and began to depend on, the darker magicks, using the powers to enhance themselves and the slayer. Sad thing is, a touch of evil is in all of us. Corruption starts small. Often, it's done in the name of good intentions. But in the end, corruption is corruption. And The Watchers, as they became known, became corrupt."

" If it had just been the Watchers, it wouldn't have mattered. We could've folded them back into the clan. But they gathered forces, amongst the Lehane, and outsiders. A rift formed in the clan; those dedicated to the old ways, those who bet the farm, so to speak, on the new mystic warrior. Passions grew, factions grew, families were torn apart. The cohesion of the clan disintegrated, and I guess what happened was inevitable."

" What happened?" Willow asks, but she pretty well already knew the answer.

" What could happen? We went to war," Kira's face becomes grim, " it's not like the war you know, the good guys vs. the bad guys. Whatever your perspective, it was family against itself, fighting for who was 'right'. Good guys vs. other good guys. Oh yeah, according to the Lehane, it was the Watcher's fault. They were, after all, corrupt. Right? But the thing is? Not that easy. The Lehane was so busy condemning the Watchers, and their practices, that they failed to see their own rot from within. The lords of Chaos must've had a good laugh." Kira's tone is bitter.

" The war lasted a long time. Too long. It became a hodgepodge of carnage, as family turned against family, and often, family against itself. I guess the closest thing you have to it is your Civil War. All to prove who was right, and who was wrong. Too many good people were lost to the sword, all because of … the Slayer."

" Isn't that just a bit on the hypocritical? She didn't want this war, did she? She didn't want to be what she was. She was raped, not her choice, you know!" Willow strangely finds herself getting emotional over this. " Seems to me that it was like most religious wars, things done in a God's name, all because people don't like difference, can't take something new, and will kill it before it's got a chance to even exist. Easy to blame the Slayers for your own evil."

" You're right of course, " Kira smiles ruefully, " guessing my bias is showing. I really am working on that. but that's how I was raised… and it's not easy to overcome it. Took meeting Faith to understand exactly what the truth was. The ugliness is always there, right in the heart. So ready to come out, and we're all too eager to let it out. We don't need but the thinnest excuse to fight each other, kill each other over some ridiculous concept or credo."

" Who won?" Willow asks.

" Won? Goddess, there were no winners in that… mess, " Kira says, almost angrily, " The clan Lehane finally cobbled together some of the factions, and by sheer numbers, they defeated the coalition the Watcher's had put together. The costs of this ' holy' war were beyond price, however. So many were lost, so much rancor and hatred was revealed. In the end, the ' victors' had nothing but ashes to taste over their victory. It was then that the 'victors' swore that never again would the clan engage in such confrontation, not directly, anyway."

" But of course, it didn't end there, because too many of the best and brightest were put to death on the charge of fomenting the rebellion. In the end, the factions that went with the Watchers were tossed out of the clan. The Slayer went with them, and the Watchers did a spell, a curse I guess, that no member of the Lehane could ever again be a Slayer. That accounts for our mark. The essence of the slayer, that passes from generation to generation bypasses anyone born with the Lehane mark upon them."

Willow looks mystified. " But … Faith…?"

" Right. What about Faith. She has the clan marking on her, yet she's a Slayer. How did that happen?" Kira looks slightly amused at Willow's confusion, " that's where the prophecy of Aaron comes in."

" Ok, heard some about this " prophecy of Aaron" stuff from a lot of sources. Still feeling like watching TV with no picture. What's that about, anyway?"

" Four hundred years ago, a faction of the Lehane came over to America from the old country. They were sanctioned by the clan, but weren't really popular amongst the clan as a whole. This was the group that Faith's family belonged. They were led by a dreamer called Aaron. He had a vision about the coming battles, and also about a leader of the Lehane. A leader, born of demon and human, destined to be a Slayer. She would figure in the coming battle, for either great good or great evil. She was destined to kill her demon progenitor, and to unite the factions within the clan. More, she was to bring Lehane back into the active fight of evil. And through her would come a new line, which would spawn the one who would lead the clan in victory in the final battle."

" A new line?" Willow looks at Kira intently, " That means Faith…?"

" Someday will have a child, at least, according to the prophecy…" Kira nods.

" But… I mean… she's going to have a baby… that means… " Willow's face falls.

" Oh, come on now, Willow. this isn't the 17th century, you know. Doesn't take a man … at least, not the whole man… for a woman to have a child… only requires a donor… .Don't think Faith is gonna be hanging with any beefcake any time soon. She doesn't seem to swing that way anymore. I think you ruined her for guys…" Kira laughs at Willow.

Willow blushes pink.

" I quote, from a knowledgeable source, " Once you fall for Willow, you stay fallen" ," Kira teases Willow.

" I'm so gonna kill Buffy one of these days, " Willow mutters. She looks at Kira, " I still not getting it, however. She's the prophesied leader … kind of the Chosen Chosen one, already. Why did the clan send someone to kill her? That's not making really good sense to me."

" That wasn't the clan. At least, not officially, " Kira says, quietly, " There's a faction in the clan, unfortunately a large faction, that thinks Aaron's prophecy is wrong, or at best, that the " chosen one" as you put it, is going to be evil. They have some influence on the board, and that's why Faith is being called back to answer for her actions, " Kira's face goes grim again, " some of the more radical elements of the faction sent the gunman. They want to kill Faith, end the prophecy right now."

" They better not try, " Willow says, her own anger rising, " or they're gonna run into one pissed off witch…" . Her anger dissipates however, when she realizes she almost did the job for them. She looks at Kira, and notes she's turned away, as if she doesn't want Willow to see her face… as if she's hiding something.

" Wait, what else?" Willow asks, " what you told me, doesn't explain why you think that the way Faith's acting towards me is not my fault. What aren't you telling me, Kira ? "

" Nothing! " Kira answers too quickly. She sees Willow's not buying it. " I can't tell you." Willow is standing now, looking down on Kira. " I can't. She'll kill me if I tell you! "

" Kira! " Willow's voice gets a hard edge to it, " maybe you forgot what I did to Faith? Do you think it's a good idea to get me angry? "

" I thinking it's not a good idea to get either of you angry, so I'm going on record as saying… I don't know."

" You don't know? " Willow's voice sounds very skeptical.

" Not for sure…" Kira trails off, seeing Willow's face grow increasingly pale, as red blotches appear on her skin. She feels her heart beating rapidly… in her throat.

" Tell me, Kira, " Willow leans in closer to Kira.

" I can't … I told you, she'll…." Kira gets that far. Willow throws an energy bolt at the dresser, smashing it. Kira's face goes white. " Willow… please…"

" Faith's not here, and I'm not going to tell her. So now, tell me, Kira!"

Kira looks up, her face defiant, " I'll tell you, but not because you're threatening me, Willow. Get that clear. I don't care how scary you are." She thrusts her chin out, her face set. " I've seen a lot in my day, Willow. A lot that would make you crap your pants. So don't even try to threaten me, clear?" She stares into Willow's eyes.

Willow blinks first. She backs off, and lowers her arm.

" God, I'm sorry…" Willow says, truly repentant. " I… lost control… "

" I noticed, " Kira says, looking at the splinters that were once a dresser. She looks back at Willow. " You really love her, don't you? "

" Do you really have to ask that? "

" No, I don't. Just remind yourself of that when I tell you what I'm going to tell you."

" Kira, you're scaring me now! " Willow exclaims.

" Not as scared as I am, Willow, " Kira says, " There is an ancient law in the clan, called the Cammaragh. It's a right of any clan member, but it hasn't been invoked in centuries."

" What the heck is this right of camaro?" Willow asks

" Cammaragh. It's trial by battle. It's the final appeal when someone, a clan member or leader, is being tried by the board. And, no matter how they pretty it up, this ' meeting ' Faith has with the board? It's a trail. We figure, Faith and I, that she's going to be stripped of her leadership. More, she'll probably be thrown out of the clan, and she can't… won't allow that. Not as long as she's got a breath in her body!"

" I don't understand? Why? If she loses the perks, we'll get by. We'll still do the good fight…"

Kira looks at her questioningly, " She didn't tell you then?"

Willow shakes her head, in confusion. Tell me what?

" This is more than just the clan and the prophecy, Willow. A lot more, for Faith. She has a vision, and an obligation… she feels she owes…" she pauses, thinking about how to put it. " You know how Faith felt.. .feels… about Angel, right?"

" Yes… she's very fond of him, I know that," Willow says.

" It's more than that, Willow. She feels, rightly or wrongly, that she owes him her life. When Angel died fighting Wolfram and Hart, she locked herself in her room for three days. When she emerged, the room was toast. But she vowed that she wouldn't let his death be for nothing. She has a plan, Willow. To bring the resources of the clan into play. To make a counter to Wolfram and Hart, at least here on earth. To have an organization with the resources and power to look them in the eye, then spit in it. She plans to fight fire with fire, and she wants the matches, too!"

" Ok, I get it. She wants all the marbles. I'm with her on it. So, why should I be… wait, what exactly does this Cammaragh mean, anyway? What does it entail?"

"As I said, it's a last resort. A way to prove one's worthiness. It's a battle, Willow. The challenger, that's Faith, agrees to battle the champion of the clan."

" So, she beats the guy, and it's over, right? She's won?" Willow is getting a little suspicious again.

" It's a battle to the death, Willow. She either kills the champion, who's human, or she dies."

* * *

Los Angeles International Airport 

Now.

Willow pulls into the parking lot, looking for somewhere to park.

"What're you doing?" Faith asks, snapping out of her reverie, " You're just supposed to drop me off at the terminal."

" I'm going in with you, " Willow says, quietly but firmly.

" Now, that's just stupid! You can't go up the concourse with me… not with the new security regs. You can't see me off, " Faith says, " and anyway, why would you want to? Just drop me off by the terminal, like we agreed…"

" Shut up, Faith, " Willow says, the anger evident in her voice. " If I can't go through the concourse, well ok. I'll stand with you at the check in counter… whatever. Just, if you think you can just hop out of the car, wave and walk out my life… forget it, it's not happening! "

" I don't get you," Faith's anger begins to rise, " I thought we had this all out. You told me, if I do this, we're through. Now you want to see me off? What the hell is going on in your mind? "

" Just this. When you're on that plane, flying away from me, when you're alone, and you think of me, I want this to be the last thing you remember."

With that, before Faith can even react, Willow grabs Faith by her coat lapels, pulls her in and kisses her hard and deeply on the mouth. The kiss is hot, expressing her anger with Faith, her anguish at Faith leaving, and her love, her deep and utter love, for Faith.

Faith is so surprised, so taken aback, that she doesn't respond right away. Before she really can, Willow's broken the kiss.

" Now, let's get your luggage and go."

Willow hops out of the car, slamming the door after herself.

Faith sits there for a moment, touching her lips.

* * *

Los Angeles, CA. 

Hyperion Hotel

3 day prior

Faith's room

" GODDAMMIT!"

Buffy lies on her back, again, staring at the ceiling.

" Get up, B. You gotta do better than this. Times almost up, and you're still falling for that sucker kick. You gotta defend yourself against it!"

Faith stands over Buffy, who's lying on the mat in Faith's training gym in her room. Her hands are on her hips, and she's glaring down at Buffy, her expression impatient.

" Well, excuse me, _F_, " Buffy says, her own temper razor thin. " Not all of us had the advantage of having an Aikido master, a Tae Kwon Do expert, and various other martial arts trainers. Some of us aint got money running out of their asses, ya know?" Buffy launches herself to her feet, taking a stance.

"We've been over this, oh, what? A thousand million times. You leave a gaping hole on your left. My dead grandmother could kick your ass in that hole. Now, start concentrating."

Faith launches into an attack on Buffy. Buffy gamely takes the defensive, blocking kick and punch, but again, Faith manages to get in on her blind spot, and Buffy finds herself flying. She lands hard on her butt. She sits there, glaring at Faith. Faith sighs, and comes over, reaching out to give Buffy a hand up. Buffy grabs the hand, and launches Faith over her shoulder. She jumps up, and before Faith can recover, she lands on her, pinning her to the mat.

" HA!" Buffy crows.

It's short lived however, because Faith does a buck, throwing Buffy off, and quickly reverses positions with her. She stares down at Buffy, now pinned to the mat, and smirks.

" So, I guess that was your big move, huh?" Faith mocks.

" No, this is, " Buffy bites Faith's hand.

" OWWW!" Faith momentarily relaxes her pin, and Buffy throws her off. Faith finds herself face down on the mat, and a tiny little blonde slayer riding her back. Pissed, she bucks Buffy off again, and this time, pins Buffy's neck with her forearm.

" That's cheating, Buffy!" Faith growls.

" Yeah, well, if it works, and it gets the baddie off my ass, it's fine by me, " Buffy grins, gasping a little for breath.

" And yet the baddie, moi in this case, has you pinned once again!" Faith grumbles, holding the wriggling slayer under her.

Buffy manages to get her legs free, and brings them up, grabbing Faith around the shoulder area. She pulls on her, releasing the stranglehold on her neck. She pushes off, rolls, and gets Faith down, pinned both shoulders to the mat. She straddles Faith at the waist, and grins down at her.

"Well, she who laughs last, " She leans over, and gives Faith a kiss on the forehead. She jumps off Faith, and walks away, an extra little jauntiness to her stride.

"Lucky, you just got lucky, " Faith says, standing up.

" No, that's not it at all, " Buffy turns back to Faith, and bows. " I've gotten better, and it's because of you. I'm faster, and I'm gonna work on that weakness, ok? But I mean it, Faith. I'm in awe of you. You've…you're something else! "

Faith is taken aback somewhat. She finds herself flushing to the praise. _I never expected that to come outta Buffy's mouth… not in a million! _Grinning, she turns around, and stops dead. Willow is leaning against the doorjamb to Faith's room. Her arms are crossed over her chest, and she's staring at Faith wrathfully.

" Hey, Willow! " Buffy waves seeing her leaning on the door. Then she catches her expression. " Ah, well… maybe not then"

" Buffy, do you think you could leave me and Faith alone for awhile?" Willow asks, her tone somewhat on the cold side. " We need to talk."

" Right. Feeling kinda sweaty and stinky and bruised. Maybe needing a shower… now." Buffy quickly makes her exit.

Faith turns away, towards the punching bag hanging from the bag. She approaches it, and starts hitting it in rhythm. Her fists start flying, hitting the bag faster and faster.

Willow walks in, but stops well short of the gym area.

" So, your not going to even say boo to me, then?" Willow asks, her tone edgy.

" What's… to say?" Faith keeps punching the bag, not turning around.

" Tell me why?" Willow says, approaching Faith. " Why you want to commit suicide. So I can understand it."

"Are you doing… drugs now, Red? Where'd you get… that idea?" Her fists fly faster, matching her frustration.

" Oh, I dunno. Maybe it's the whole going off to fight an entire organization that seems to be against you. Knowing that you'll be on their turf. They can kill you any time they like. Oh, and not taking any backup." Willow's tone is brittle.

" Ha, ha, Red. You're funny. This is my organization, remember? I run it … in charge, all that?" Faith stops punching the bag and holds it still. She turns to Willow, " It's going to be ok, got it? It's just a fucking business meeting."

" Just a business meeting, right," Willow looks at the punching bag. " that's why for the last few weeks you've been training harder than ever. That's why you've been training with Buffy. Because of course those are things you do to prepare for a business meeting, right?"

" I'm going to be away. I don't know what's out there, what might come for you when I'm away. I'm just getting Buffy prepped to watch over you and Kira while I'm gone. That's all," Faith starts punching on the bag again.

" Faith, exactly what breed of moron do you think I am? " Willow snaps, " I was there when shooter boy confessed, don't you remember? It was me that got him to confess, or did that slip your mind?"

" Yeah, it slipped my mind, " Faith holds up her arm. Faint traces of the scars from that night are still visible. She turns back to the bag.

Willow's expression goes tight, her words coming out as if forced, " How many times can I say I'm sorry, Faith? How many times will you bring that up, to make me hurt again? "

" Forget it, it doesn't matter, " Faith says, brusquely. She starts punching the bag faster.

" Liar. It does matter," Willow puts herself next to the bag. Faith barely avoids hitting her, " because, you make it matter. You're using it to push me away… again." Faith tries to go back to the bag, but Willow stands in front of it. Faith gently as possible moves her out of the way, but Willow comes right back. " Look at me, damn it. Don't ignore me. Stop trying to build walls between us!"

" I don't know what the hell you're talking about, Red. There are no walls here, unless you're building them. If you think I'm ignoring you, I'm sorry. But you gotta remember, " Faith turns away, starting to walk towards the practice dummy, " I've got to be in front of those morons that run the board in a few days from now. I've got to convince them I'm getting the job done, and unless I do, I'm out. Do you get it? Out! Everything I've worked for? Gone up in smoke. So, right now? I don't have time for the touchy-feely-get-touch-with–your–inner-moppet crap. I've got to be ready. Oh, and this aint helping!"

" Fine, I'll leave you to your prep for your… presentation?" Willow's tone is mocking. She starts to walk away, then stops, as if something suddenly occurred to me. " Just tell me one thing, Faith."

" What?" Faith asks, impatiently, her temper on the edge.

"What's the Cammaragh?"

Faith freezes. She slowly turns to Willow, a frown deeply etched on her face.

" Where'd you hear that term?" Her tone is icy.

" Cammaragh? What is it Faith?" Willow feigns ignorance.

" Nothing, it's nothing," Faith turns back to the dummy, feeling relieved.

" Really? Gee, I heard it was a, oh… how do you put it? Oh yeah… duel to the death!" Willow's tone turns sarcastic again, " Gee, I've been in lots of board meetings, Faith. Even in the worst of them, never had one of those. Must be doing something wrong, huh? "

Faith doesn't even look at her. She storms over to the phone, and picks it up. She dials a number, and waits.

" Kira? I'm in my suite. Get your ass up here, now! You've got some explaining to do!" She slams down the phone.

" You leave Kira out of this. She was just trying to …."

" I don't give a rat's ass what she was trying to do! " Faith explodes, " She knows better than that. I'm gonna wring her neck when she gets up here! "

" Don't you dare touch a hair on that girl's head, Faith Lehane, or…" Willow mutters a spell, and gestures, and suddenly Faith is flying through the air. She hits the wall, and sticks like glue. After her initial shock, Faith takes on an attitude. She smirks.

" Or what, Red? You'll kill me? Maybe this time you'll get it right, whattya think?"

" Won't work, Faith. You can't get me angry enough to do it. I'm on to you, " Willow gestures, and Faith is gently lowered to the ground. But she's still stuck to the wall. She struggles, but no matter what she does, she can't move away from it.

" Gonna let me go?"

" When I'm done, " Willow says firmly.

Faith just rolls her eyes.

" You can't do it, Faith. You can't hurt me enough, or ignore me enough, or anger me enough to make me walk away from you. Not again. It worked once, and it took me a long time to figure out what you were doing. I'm smarter than that now, " Willow walks over to Faith. She touches her cheek, and lightly caresses it. " I love you Faith. No matter how you try to shut me out, try to hurt me, I'm going to keep on loving you. Doesn't mean I won't get mad at you, though, " Willow withdraws her hand, " especially when your doing something stupid, like now. Angry as I'm feeling, it won't quench my love for you. Nothing will. Ever. Guess I'm stupid that way, huh?" She leans in, and tenderly kisses Faith on the lips. She withdraws, and turns away, putting some distance between them. " the only thing that'll make me leave, Faith? If you give up. Don't you get it yet, Faith? You're only alone if you want to be. You don't have to do this alone."

" No, Willow, you don't get it. I've got to do this. I've got no choice, " Faith says quietly, determined. "And I've got to do it alone."

" It won't change things, Faith, " Willow's voice carries a sad note, " It won't bring him back."

Faith just stares at her, tight lipped.

" You think I don't know?" Willow says softly, " what this is really all about? You want to honor him, baby, because you loved him." Willow smiles at Faith for the first time since she arrived." I know, not in a romantic way, but he was special to you. Because he was the first to really believe in you, wasn't he? He never gave up on you. And, he didn't want anything back from you, did he? He didn't coddle you, he made you work for your redemption. But even at your worst, even when you tried to kill him, he didn't stop believing in you, in what you could be."

" You know the fight was important to him, and you want to make it bigger. Expand it out, take them on head first. Because you think that's what he'd do. But it's not about the money, or the power, or the rest. It's something else. Even when he was in the belly of the beast, he remembered that." Willow walks over to Faith, standing right in front of her. " It's about what's in here" she points at Faith's heart. " that's what it's always been about. He wasn't a champion because he saved lots of people or that he fought evil. Evil will always be with us. He was a champion because he lived his life as if the world was what it should be." She leans in closer, whispering. " He didn't forget the value of his loved ones. I hope you don't, honey."

" Willow, this is my fight. No one can fight it for me."

" I know, baby. But that doesn't mean you have to fight it alone."

Faith looks at her. Her gaze is far away, somewhere else but here.

" Yes, I do," Faith says simply.

" Then I hope it's not all for nothing, " Willow sighs wearily. She turns and walks away, heading for the door. When she reaches it, she turns back, and gestures, releasing Faith. " Should I be here if you get back?"

" When I get back," Faith says, quietly, " _When_."

" Should I? "

" Do you really need to ask? "

" Yes, I do, " Willow says. She turns, and walks out the door, shutting it behind her.

* * *

Los Angeles International Airport 

Bradley International Terminal

Now.

Willow watches as Faith, having cleared security and customs, walks towards the concourse. Her carryon is slung over her shoulder, and she strides confidently down the concourse, away from Willow. She halts for a moment, as if she is going to turn around. But she only squares her shoulders, and walks on, not looking back.

Willow wonders if she'll ever see Faith again. It hurts to the core of her soul that this may be the last time she'll ever see her. She turns to leave when she realizes she forgot to say something to Faith. Something important. Something she doesn't want Faith to forget. She quickly turns around, but Faith has disappeared into the crowd.

Closing her eyes, she images Faith in her mind. She sees her walking along the concourse to her gate.

_I love you Faith, don't ever forget that!_

She hopes Faith 'heard' her, like before. Turning, she starts to leave the terminal.

_I know_, comes the reply.

Head down, Willow leaves the terminal.

* * *

To be continued. 


	25. Part 25

Independence

By Norwalker

Part 25 of

Summary: What did Willow and Faith discuss in that little car trip from L.A. to Sunnydale in season 7? And what were the consequences? A Willow/ Faith story

Rating: R, Very R

Category: romance/drama/angst

Spoilers: Possible season 7 spoilers. Possible season 4 Angel spoilers. C'mon, you must have seen 'em by now!

Time Line: Mid season 7(after the return of Faith) and beyond

Disclaimer: Joss Whedon , Mutant Enemy and Fox own them.

Warnings: Adult themes, violence, sexual situations between members of the same gender. Please be aware, character death is always a distinct possibility. It can happen here, so don't say I didn't warn you! Any racist remarks are spoken by the characters, and are in no way shared by the author. This story is not meant for children.

* * *

Los Angeles, CA. 

She runs through the field under the hot summer sun. Her breath comes in gasps; she's not used to this much running. But she knows she has to keep going, she can't stop now. The sweat on her brow trickles into her eyes, burning them. She can feel her feet pounding on the earth, trampling the grass. _Where is she? Dammit, she should be here!_

But she isn't there, or anywhere where Kira can see her. She stops, looking around, hoping to catch a glimpse of her. She _has_ to find her, Kira knows something. Something critical, something that would save her life. But she isn't here. Her agitation grows. She knows that her time is running out; if she doesn't find her soon, it'll be too late.

" Faith! FAITH! Where the hell are you?" Kira calls out, hoping to hear an answer. But none's coming, and she stands in the middle of the field, feeling lost.

A sudden, cooling breeze comes up, and Kira stands still for a moment, appreciating the cooling. She closes her eyes, and reaches out, thinking maybe she can sense where Faith is. But all she sees is darkness, and blood, and death, and all she feels is the cold chill of fear creeping down her spine. She opens her eyes suddenly, and standing before her is Layne, her sister, hands on hips, looking perturbed. Kira, surprised, steps back a pace.

" Kira Hearne! What're you bellowing about? She isn't here, she isn't even close to here!" Layne says in her typical put down tone. " She's off doing battle, you know that. So why're you calling out to her!"

" Layne! Thank God. Do you know where she is ? " Kira asks, reaching out and grabbing Layne's arms. Layne shrugs her off, and turns. " I've got to talk to her. I know something. Something that'll save her life. But I can't find her. Where is she?"

Layne stays turned, speaking to Kira over her shoulder. " This is just like you, Kira. Always the troublemaker, always butting in where you're not wanted or need. Well, not this time, dear. Faith is doing what she should be doing, and you…" Layne turns around, and a long sharp knife is in her hand. "… are about to pay."

Kira, wide-eyed, steps back a few paces. " Layne… what're you doing?"

" You know too much, girl, and now I gotta shut your mouth, " Layne says, quietly and coldly. Without another word, she sticks the blade into Kira's gut. Kira groans, and falls.

" Layne?" Kira's eyes ask the unspoken question.

But there's no answer coming. Only laughter, as the scene grows darker… and darker…

Kira jerks bolt upright in her bed. She's covered in a cold sweat. She can faintly hear the fading echoes of her sister's laughter in her ears, and she feels an ache in her stomach. She looks down, and nearly faints. She for a second sees herself covered in blood. It quickly fades into nothing, but the feeling she has remains. _Something's wrong, terribly wrong._

Even though it's a warm night, she's shivering as she gets up, wrapping herself in her robe. She walks to the window of her apartment, and looks out onto the city. From here, she can see the old Hyperion Hotel sign. The unease rises in her stomach as the elements of her dream whirl about in her mind. _Something's wrong. I know it. Something I should be seeing, but I'm not. God, what if Faith … ? _She shakes her head, trying to clear it.

She paces agitatedly for awhile, trying to make up her mind. On the one hand, it's only a dream, not very clear, and probably just her own tiredness and sense of frustration. On the other hand, she's had these kind of dreams before, and all too often the portended something happening, something important. _It's probably nothing, just my over active imagination!_ But she couldn't just throw off the dream. She feels alone, and scared, and really in need of a hug and reassurance. There was none of that here for her. She looked again out the window, at the Hyperion sign. She bites her lip, undecided.

" Aw, screw this! " she finally says, and walks to the closet. Grabbing a coat to cover her nightclothes, and her purse, she heads for the front door of her apartment. She hesitates before opening it.

_This is totally dumb_ she says to herself, standing with her hand on the knob. _As if you haven't done THAT before!_ She chides herself, and turns the knob.

She slips quietly out of her apartment.

* * *

Buffy at first doesn't hear the soft knocking on her door. She's lost in her own dream. 

It's rather a more pleasant dream than Kira had. She's in her room, but it's different. Soft light glows everywhere, from the multitudes of candles. She's lying in bed, between soft silken sheets, and she finds herself rather naked.

_This is weird._ Buffy thinks to herself. _I don't have silken sheets, I don't ever sleep naked… and hey, where did all the candles come from?_ She snuggles down into the sheets, feeling them against her breasts, her tummy, her bottom and her legs, and she shrugs. _Who the hell cares, anyway? Feels nice! _She giggles a little, and starts to settle into sleep.

She's startled out of it when she hears a noise. Sitting up, holding the sheet against herself, she looks around. Out of the shadows, Kira appears, also very, very naked. Buffy gulps, and finds herself staring.

Kira has very long legs, topped by the soft curves of her hips, and a slender waist and chest. Her breasts are not overly large, nor overly small. They are topped by perky pink nipples, which at the moment seem to be somewhat erect. Her hair is down and loose, just covering her shoulders. Her eyes seem to sparkle in the candlelight, and her lips are curved into a sensuous half smile. She seems to float to the bed, and sits on it, next to the reclining form of Buffy.

" Hi, baby," Kira says softly, laying a hand on Buffy's leg. Buffy becomes very aware of the warmth of Kira's hand, even through the sheets. " Did I wake you?"

" N-n-no" Buffy says, nervously. _What the hell am I nervous about? Not like I haven't seen a naked woman before._ " I-I was awake."

" Really? You looked like you were asleep. All comfy and snuggly. You looked really sweet, " Kira leans closer, making Buffy feel anxious and excited at the same time. _What the hell is going on here, anyway?_ Buffy feels her throat go dry.

" Things are a little weird, here, "Buffy croaks out, " I don't have silken sheets , and where did all these candles come from?" _Never mind where YOU came from!_ " I thought this was my room… where am I?"

" Isn't it nice?" Kira looks around, smiling, " Isn't this where you want to be?" She leans in closer, and Buffy feels her hand slide up her thigh. _Oh, crap!_ Buffy suddenly smells a sweet spicy scent. _Is that incense? Or her?_

" Kira, this is all … ummm… very nice… but I'm not sure…" Buffy moves away, feeling herself being cornered. " I mean, I'm not sure how I'm feeling about you… or an us… right now?"

" Don't you want me here?" For the first time, Kira frowns a little, pouting. Her voice sounds a little hurt, " I only came because I thought you wanted me here. " Kira sits back, giving Buffy some room. " Maybe… this is what you want…" Right before Buffy's eyes, Kira morphs into Faith. Buffy's eyes go wide. " Hey, B, better? Thinkin' this is more your style?" Faith moves on her.

"SHIT!"

Buffy, startled, jumps out of the bed, trying to take a sheet with her for modesty. With Faith's weight on the sheet, however, that's not happening. She stands, staring at Faith. Faith returns the gaze, giving Buffy the once over … twice. She smiles seductively, and licks her lips.

" Hmmm. Kinda lookin' yummy, B, " Faith smirks, and hops off the bed. Buffy, for her part, tries to cover her private bits, not all successfully, and backs away, looking for an escape.

" Not happening, this is so not happening," Buffy mumbles to herself out loud, backing away from a very naked, very sexy looking Faith. She bumps into something behind. Something soft and warm and breathing.

" Oh, c'mon Buff. Don't be such a dope!" A voice behind her says. Buffy turns; Willow, also somewhat au naturel, is standing behind her, pushing her towards Faith. " You gotta choose someone, sweetie. Now Faith is looking rather… hmmm… what's the word? Inferno-ish? Don't you think? I don't mind, you know. It's ok with me if you sleep with her…" then Willow's eye gets a twinkle in it. " Maybe it's me you really want… since I'm kinda here, sans clothes. Gosh, Buffy, don't you think you should make a decision here, anyway?"

Buffy looks like a deer caught in the headlights. She looks at Faith, then back at Willow, then at the bed…and Kira's back, reaching out for her. _Oh, shit!_

" Who do you want, Buffy?" Kira calls out, " I love you, baby. Come to me!"

" Yeah, Buffy. Make up your mind. I'm getting all goose-fleshy here" Willow says, crossing her arms over her chest.

" You know, I'm thinking… B's jonesing for all of us," Faith says, moving on Buffy, backing her into a corner, " I'm thinking she wants us all ! So, what you thinkin' B? A Ménage a …er… four? That's kinda wicked kinky."

Buffy feels like her insides have all been turned upside-down and sideways-backwards, but that's nothing to the confusion going on in her mind. _This is a nightmare! I know it's a nightmare, I know I just gotta wake up… but hell, why does it have to be such a fucking sexy nightmare? And Willow? Why the heck is she here? I get the Faith/ Kira thing… but I never… or… oh, I'm so beyond dead…_ Buffy feels like the walls are closing in on her, and she desperately looks for the escape hatch that always appears in the movies… but none here. Then she hears a tapping at the door. _SAVED!_

" Door… someone's at the door. Gotta get the door" Buffy ducks Faith and bolts from the others, rushing towards the door._ Oh hell… what if there's a naked Cordelia at the door? This so sucks! And not in a good way! …_

Buffy starts awake, sitting up in bed, covered in a cold sweat. The sheets are back to linen, no extraneous candles, and no naked women… but there _is_ an insistent if quiet tapping at her door.

" What… what the hell?" Buffy mumbles and curses, throwing off the sheets. But inside, at least her stomach is not longer trying to get a scout merit badge for knots. She weaves her way to her door, still half asleep, noting that somehow she's become rather moist in a area she shouldn't be moist. _And I'm a sick-o on top of everything else!_

Buffy throws open the door, expecting to see one of the wanna-be slayers at the door, per usual, having gotten lost in the hotel again. _Don't these girls like have a map or something ?_ Instead, she sees Kira standing there, with a worried look on her face.

" Kira? What? What're you doing here?" Buffy asks, totally surprised, and somewhat taken aback. _Way too weird. Way!_ She finally awakens enough to see that Kira looks a little disheveled, and is only wearing her coat over her nightgown. _Ok, now it's going into Twilight Zone country. _But she sees Kira looking lost, and confused, and worried, and shivering. She pulls her into her room. " What's wrong?"

" Oh, Buffy!" Kira cries out, clinging to Buffy. Which makes for an amusing picture when you realize that Kira is 8 inches taller than Buffy. Amusing if it weren't so serious. Her tone sounds strained, her calmness forced." Something's wrong, terribly wrong, I know it…"

Buffy, somewhat physically overwhelmed, still manages to take control, and leads Kira to the bed. Sitting down, she holds Kira in her arms, trying to reassure her.

" Shhh, Kira, It's ok… everything's ok," Buffy rocks the distressed woman.

" No, you don't understand…" Kira trails off, realizing suddenly that this is going to sound major foolish, " … I had a dream…" she feels herself flushing, embarrassed. She looks at Buffy, expecting her to be annoyed. Instead, she sees a look of concern on her face; concern and interest. " This is totally dumb…"

" It's not dumb, Kira, " Buffy says gently, remembering what Doyle told her, " tell me."

Kira pulls herself together, and relates her dream to Buffy. As she tells it, she realizes how weird it sounds, and she keeps looking at Buffy for support. Even so, she feels stupid now, rushing over here in the middle of the night. By the time she's done, she's looking away, figuring some way to explain away her fears. She knows Buffy's going to laugh at her.

She's surprised when Buffy not only doesn't laugh, but hugs her reassuringly. She turns and sees Buffy has a serious look on her face.

" Kira, do you get these dreams often?" Buffy asks, quietly. Kira sits there, not believing Buffy is actually taking her seriously. Everyone else always dismissed her dreams as being, well, stupid.

" NO!" Kira says, a little too quickly. She amends." Sometimes… " She shakes her head, curtly, " this is idiotic. I don't believe in that hocus-pocus-ESP- mystical- destiny & fate bull- …." She stops, realizing her faux pas. " Uh… sorry."

Buffy smiles. "Don't be. First vamp I saw? I thought it was just a guy with a really bad acne and dental problems. Took me awhile to believe in this stuff," Buffy turns Kira's face towards hers. " Thing is, though, I think you got something… something powerful inside you. Something that lets you see things coming… in your dreams."

" No … not me…" Kira protests, weakly, " that's impossible." Her voice drops to a whisper. " Do you really think so? You're not making fun of me?"

" Of course not" Buffy declares. " I can sense something about you. I guess I've always sensed something about you. Slayer sense, you know?" Buffy looks Kira directly in the eyes, " You're special ". She freights the last word with many levels.

Kira's defenses fall like lead weights. She starts to shiver again, and her coloring pales.

" I'm so scared, Buffy. I'm afraid something awful is going to happen to Faith. And I feel I know something; something I should tell her, to warn her! But I can't think of it. God, what if she's already hurt… or…" Kira starts cry.

" Hey, hey… it's going to be ok, trust me, " Buffy hugs her. " We'll call her… call her hotel… talk to her…ok?"

Kira nods, not trusting her voice. She stands, and Buffy sees she struggles to regain her composure. This is a new side of Kira for Buffy; a vulnerable, tender side that Kira seems to hide from most people. _Yet, she tries to put a brave face on it, even though I can tell she's scared to death._ _Wonder why I never saw this before? Wonder exactly how stupid I am, anyway?_ Buffy stands and walks to Kira, taking her arm. She smiles at her.

" Let's go"

" … ok, ok I get it. She's checked out. When? Do you know where she went?" Buffy speaks into the phone, her frustration mounting. She looks at Kira, who's standing on the other side of the reception desk. She shrugs. " Ok, yes, thank you." She hangs up the phone somewhat noisily. " She checked out of the hotel yesterday. Evidently there was some trouble. They don't know where she went."

Kira stands by the desk, not looking Buffy in the eye. Her lips are tightly compressed, and her face looks bleak, but she refuses to give in. She just stands there, not saying anything.

" I'll try her cell, ok? Maybe I can get through." Buffy dials a number and waits. And waits. And waits. Finally a voice comes on the line.

" I'm sorry, but the cellular subscriber your calling is out of the network calling range. Please try again later. If you feel you've gotten this recording in error, hang up and dial again."

" Damn," Buffy says quietly. She looks up, and sees Kira's face. She walks over and puts her arm around her. " C'mon, it'll be ok, I promise. She's tough, you know that Kira. We'll figure this out. We'll find a way to get ahold of her. She'll be ok, she can handle herself." Buffy just wishes she sounded more convincing.

" Hold on," Kira says, pulling it together and going into her all-business mode. She picks up the phone and dials a number. She talks for awhile, then cuts the connection and dials another number. After about 3 or 4 calls, she puts down the phone and faces Buffy.

"I found her. She's staying with Layne," Her face looks grim and tired, " evidently there were a couple of shooting incidents, one in the hotel where she was staying. She's safe, and out of harms way." Instead of looking relieved, however, she stares into space. Her face starts to sag, and tears start rolling down her cheeks. Buffy quickly moves to her, putting a comforting arm around her.

" Hey… hey… she's ok, and she's safe. Faith is tough, I told you that. No moron with a gun is going to get her."

" I know, " Kira says, moving away from Buffy and her all too comfortable arm. _If I let her hold me one more minute, I'm going to cry. Can't do that … just can't._ " I'm just acting like a child. She'll be alright, it'll all be good." Kira stands up straighter, trying to get it all together. " I swear, sometimes I'm just so damned stupid…"

" Stop it ! "

" Huh?" Kira turns around

" I said, stop it ! It's ok to lean sometimes, Kira. Sometimes you need to lean… you can't be super-together-girl all the time, get it?" Buffy says, with conviction, " Ok, I'm not the poster girl for mental health and all, but I'm starting to get it. I… I know now that sometimes you need to lean on someone, catch your breath. Better with someone you care about; who cares about you, you get it? I mean, that's what we do… right? Help each other?"

" Well, it's about time you got it, Buffy, " A voice drifts down from above. Kira and Buffy look up quickly. Willow is standing at the top of the stairs, dressed in her flannel pj's. She's smiling down at them, mostly at Buffy. " Never thought you'd get that one, Slayer. Only took you what? 8 1/2 years?"

" Willow?" Kira says, surprised to see her up.

" I can't ever get away with anything with you, can I?" Buffy grins ruefully.

" Nope, but then, that's why you love me, " Willow grins brightly, " So, what? Slumber party?" Willow looks at the two women , " and I wasn't invited?"

" What're you doing up?" Kira asks, " We didn't wake you, did we?" She blushes.

" Well, you two aren't exactly little going around tiptoeing on cat's feet, I gotta admit," Willow says, " But I was already awake, anyway. Not sleeping really great. Worried, I guess."

Buffy and Kira exchange a look. They silently agree not to tell Willow what they know.

" About Faith?" Kira asks.

" Who else?" Willow trots downstairs. " I know you're worried, Kira. I swear, Faith can be so…"

" Bullheaded? Stubborn? inflexible?" Buffy says, a slight mocking tone to her voice. " Pig-headed, mulish, obstinate…"

" Ok, ok, please, don't help…" Willow laughs, then frowns. " I know, I haven't exactly been support-o girl concerning Faith and her … mission… but …" Willow leans against the banister, looking tired, " I just wish she'd left on a better note. I didn't get to tell her what I feel, that I love her, and I'm here for her, and …" Willow trails off, dejected.

" Awww" Kira and Buffy says simultaneously. They come to Willow, and surround her in a huge group hug. Willow is comforted, then looks a little uncomfortable, then very uncomfortable.

" Guys… guys… loving the hugs… don't get me wrong… but gotta breathe now…" Willow is turning a little blue around the edges.

Buffy and Kira quickly break the hug. Willow breathes in hugely, and then looks around. " Well, you didn't have to leave town, either, you know !" She spreads out her arms.

" Sorry Will… forgot myself, " Buffy says, hugging Willow more gently this time. Kira joins her; the three take some comfort in the closeness. After a while, Willow sighs and breaks the hug, moving to sit on a lobby sofa. The other two join her.

"I just wish we could've talked before she left, " Willow says, plaintively, " I know I freaked her when Dark Willow came out to …"

Buffy looks at her sharply. Willow pales. She forgot that Buffy didn't know.

" Dark Willow?" Buffy's voice is tight, " You went dark … again?" She turns to Kira. " Why'm I just learning about this now?"

" Uhhh… uhhh…" Kira stutters, looking helplessly at Willow.

" Don't get on her, Buffy. I asked her not to tell you, " Willow says, defensively, " Anyway, it wasn't in a " Hate everybody destroy the world " kind of way… only … well… just that when I saw you shot and I thought you might be dying… and this little creep wouldn't say boo…"

" You thought, hey, lets make it better by letting out Willow the Terrible on the world?" Buffy says, angrily. " So, what was your next trick going to be? Flay the guy if he didn't talk?"

Willow looks down at her hands, tight lipped.

" Buffy, stop it!" Kira says, " She was upset, for god's sake. She watched you get shot. She messed up a little… don't get all righteous … not you, girlfriend. You know, the one we had to bail out of jail for trashing a bar?"

" Messing up a little?" Buffy conveniently ignores the rest of the speech, " Messing up a little is getting drunk at a party. Messing up a little is blowing a stop sign. You weren't there when Willow went Evil, Kira. You don't know, so don't interrupt…"

" I'm not going to sit here and let you tear into her for making one little mistake…"

" SHUT UP!" Willow yells, jumping off the couch. " Both of you, stop it now! We don't have time for this . I can feel it. Something's not right with Faith, and I can't figure it out. I just know that we've got to help her, somehow. IF you two are going to fight, GET THE HELL OUT OF MY LOBBY!" She glares at the two of them.

Kira and Buffy look at her open-mouthed, and for a moment silence reins. It's broken when Buffy starts to laugh. Small at first, then harder. Kira and Willow look at her as if she's gone mad.

" What's so funny, Buffy Summers ! " Willow steams, still feeling cross.

" _Your_ lobby, Will?" Buffy chokes out between whoops, " when did _you_ buy the hotel, huh? I think it's more Kira's lobby than yours!"

Willow stares at her, amazed. She's trying to fight a smile, but it's a losing battle. A giggle escapes her, then another, and soon she's laughing as hard as Buffy. Kira stares at the both of them. Willow, feeling weak from laughter, sits down, but doesn't stop laughing.

" You two are nuts!" Kira declares, but the laughing is getting to her. She starts to giggle, then bursts out laughing. Soon the three of them are laughing helplessly, leaning against each other. Finally, after awhile, the laughing diminishes into an occasional giggle or chuckle, as each is red faced, teary eyed and gut aching from laughter. They sit there, afraid to move, or to speak, in case it breaks out again. Kira starts to hiccup.

" Shit!" Kira laments, hiccupping. " I get these every time I laugh too much."

" Well, I hear sex is a good cure for hiccups, " Willow says, lightly. She chuckles.

Kira and Buffy turn red. Willow notices the tension that suddenly descends on the couch, and looks at each of them. " You mean you two haven't…?" They shake their heads in the negative, " but I thought surely by now… I mean… geeze…"

Kira steals a glance at Buffy, who is turning deep red, remembering tonight's dream. Kira misinterprets Buffy's reaction.

" Look, Buffy's and my lack of sex life isn't the issue here," Kira says, covering her feelings, " Faith being in trouble is. What're we going to do now?"

" Maybe we should try calling her?" Willow suggests. The other two stare at her. " What?"

" We tried that. She's … moved from her hotel, and her cell is out of range, " Buffy says, quickly. " Kira spoke to her sister, Layne. She's staying with her. There was some snafu with the hotel." Buffy feels the pit of her stomach burning. She hates lying to Willow. "She was out when we called. Layne said she'd have her call us."

" Oh," Willow leans back on the couch.

"Maybe we're worrying for nothing!" Buffy lies " she might be partying down with Layne, for all we know." Willow looks at her as if she's from another planet. " Well, she might be!"

" Somehow, I doubt it, " Willow says, glumly. A pall settles down on the group.

" So, what do we do now?" Kira repeats, dispiritedly

" We wait."

* * *

Ireland 

County Limerick

Faith stands on the rise overlooking the River Shannon as it flows into the North Atlantic. It's a cool day, overcast and windy. She's wearing a cable knit sweater, jeans and boots. She watches the turbulence of the river as it joins the sea, and feels a kinship to its natural violence. She feels like the white capped waves breaking over the rocks below; her energy and flow being broken by stubborn, unmovable objects set in her path. She's seething inside. Nothing has been going her way since she left L.A.

Half her luggage was lost in the changeover from Dublin to Galway, causing her to discover all her business suits were history. She'd had to buy off the rack in Limerick, and she hadn't been exactly pleased with the results. Further, the 'driver' sent to pick her up was hours late, and dour to the point of hostility. Never mind he drove as if he were blind and drunk. Halfway through the trip, she began to be convinced it was an assassination attempt. She arrived at the hotel, only to find her reservation had been botched. After nearly an hour of haggling, pleading and threatening, she got a room… but she had larger closets at home. _Oh well, I've been in worse, I guess._ But all in all, those were just annoyances.

What really fried her was getting shot at… twice. The first time was the night she arrived. Not wanting to particularly be cloistered in her room, she went for a walk. The night was cool and crisp, and the air was amazingly clean. She was just getting into it, doing some power walking, when someone starts running up behind her. She whirled around, just in time to see the gun come up. She ducked sideways, and the shot missed cleanly. She was up in a flash, but the gunman was fast, too, and started firing. She moved from object to object, dodging bullets, ducking, swaying , running zig-zag; trying to make herself a hard target. She ducked into an alley, and swung up on a low hanging pipe, waiting for the gunman to follow. But he never showed. After awhile, she got back down, and peering out of the alley, saw it was clear. Her little walking tour ended with her hurrying back to the hotel.

But the second attempt was scarier, by far. She was sleeping in her room, trying to get comfortable on a bed obviously designed for a teeny-tiny person. She'd just rolled over for the 100th time that evening, when she heard a thwack… really close. She turned over and saw the other pillow had a hole in it. With a bullet in the hole. She rolled off the bed quickly, and on her stomach crawled over to the window. There was a shattered pane. For what seemed like forever plus an hour or so, she hid under the window sill, waiting for the second shot to come. It never did. But that tore it. She already hated the room and the place. Now, whoever was trying to kill her knew where she lived. She had to get out of here. But when she called around, trying to get somewhere else to stay, there were no rooms available. _What's that about? _She called various members of the clan, but couldn't raise anyone. Finally, defeated, she just stayed in her room… hiding in a shoebox size closet, away from windows. In the morning she checked out. She almost … almost… wrung the snotty desk clerk's neck, but decided against it. She called around again… still no rooms. But she did manage to raise Layne, who invited her to stay with her for the duration.

Then there was the meeting itself. She wondered why she even bothered to show up. It was pretty clear from the outset that the board had made up its mind against her. The chairman, a cousin a few times removed, was particularly brutal. He chalked up her successes to blind luck; every bit of her spending was scrutinized and questioned. Her ideas for the direction of the clan were, at best, questioned. Mostly, she was ridiculed for her plans to transform the clan into an active force against such evil as Wolfram and Hart. To their minds, good change was no change, and status quo was just ok for them.

The best was saved for last. Her leadership abilities were raked over the coals. It was felt that perhaps, for the best of the clan, she should gracefully resign. When she reminded the board that she was the one mentioned in Aaron's prophecy, all hell broke loose. A goodly number disputed the validity of the prophecy. Others doubted her legitimacy as claimant. Still others defended her, but they were few. The deepest cut came when Layne stood up, and while smiling at her, drove the knife further in her back. Using the guise of " I like you, but…", she very cleverly spoke against the prophecy, never really dunning Faith's leadership, but making it clear that a mistake had been made in choosing her. Her voice was particularly telling; besides Faith, she was the youngest member of the board, and she represented the up and coming generation of Lehane. If they were against her… well, it was pretty clear that she had failed . That was how the board perceived it, anyway.

Faith stands looking down at the river, her mind starting to connect the dots. _Gone. Nearly two fucking years of my life, wasted. And for what? A stupid dream that'll never come true now! All the work, all the time I put into this, shot to shit. Why? Because the dinosaurs running the board decided that I was too ' radical ' in my outlook. That changing the color of the paint in the bathrooms would be a bad thing, never mind anything else. So why am I smelling a rat here? A big, stinky rat with an attitude and agenda? Wasn't like this when I earned my props to be leader. When I passed their 'Gauntlet ', so to speak. Then everyone seemed eager to listen to my ideas. Now, 18 months later, it's all changed. Somebody's been stickin' it to me. Why? What's so fucking terrible about my ideas? Yeah sure, it aint gonna come on the cheap… but I told them that upfront, and damn, I earned the money to get it started. Many times over. No, someone doesn't want this to happen. Someone's got too much to lose. Or maybe, they want me to lose. They want the leadership. And the best way for that is to make me look like a fuck-up. Real nice. Real nice. Oh, and Layne, my buddy, my pal… yeah, she's a picture, huh? Standing up there, pretending to make nice with me while all the time aiming the missiles at my plans. That fucking hypocritical bitch! Her ' Oh, I can't follow you because my conscience won't let me ' crap. What a load. I know what she wants. She wants my job. You know what? I'm thinking, she can have it. The ungrateful fucking bastards. I gave my all to this, and what do I get? The fucking boot. I get the kick in the ass, because they're fucking cowards. They won't fight for what they supposedly 'believe'. We're the fucking good guys here. We're supposed to fight the bad guys, ya know? I'm beginning to wonder if they're the good guys. Maybe It's easier to get into bed with evil than fight it. Assholes !_

Yeah, things have been way too fucking convenient and coincidental lately. Like everything going screwy, and that little ride from the airport… really wondering if that wasn't to keep me busy while they fucked me around at the hotel. Oh, and getting shot at? Funny how they just 'missed' me twice, and didn't try to finish it. Wonderin' if little Ms. Layne wasn't planning that … keep me off balance, and under her watchful eye. Then, after declaring her support for me in L.A., the bitch knifes me in the back at the meeting, all the time smiling at me. IF she weren't Kira's sister, I'd wipe that smile off her face with my fist. I might anyway. Fuck her, and fuck them!

Without realizing it, Faith has started pacing back and forth. Things are weighing heavily on her mind, and she has to decide her next move._ It's not over, not yet. There's always the Cammaragh. Yeah, that's a great option. Duel to the death, winner take all. So, great… I get to murder someone else to get what I want. Yeah…that kinda sucks the big one, too. Another pair of eyes staring at me at night to keep me from sleeping. That's what I need. And for what? A bunch of back stabbing ungrateful slobs? What's the good here? What's important, anyway? Just because I'm not rich, does that mean I stop fighting the good fight? Hell, no! I can still fight. And what's important? Family, that's what! Not this bunch of losers… but my real family. The one back in L.A. Willow, and Buffy… even Kira, if she wants to hang with us losers… not losers, just not slaves to the fucking almighty_…

" Wicked pretty, aint it?"

Faith looks up, startled… and nearly walks off the cliff. Standing close to her is … her. Well, her as she was about 6 years ago. Dressed as maxi-slut, leather pants, halter top and leather coat. Too much makeup, slightly vamp, and definitely on the prowl. All the things she left behind when she started on her journey to redemption. Seeing herself as she was is like looking straight into the funhouse mirror from hell.

"What the hell? This isn't happening, " Faith says, backing up. Nearly stepping too far and buying the big dirt nap a little early.

" Whoa, girl," her alter ego grabs her, pulling her back from the edge. " I mean, it's really pretty scenery down there, but I'm thinkin' you don't want to get too close up and personal with it."

" This can't be happening. I'm fucking hallucinating, " Faith says, shaking her head. " This isn't real… you're not real ! I've bought the nut farm for sure!"

" Uh-huh, " Alt- Faith walks over to Faith and slaps her, hard. " There, real enough for ya?" She smirks.

Faith rubs her cheek, bewildered. " this can't be… you aren't… I'm…no way this is…"

" Well put, dork. Of course I'm real. As real as you, realler sometimes I'm thinking, " Alt-Faith laughs at her. " So, what's the big? What's all the skull sweating about anyway? You know what you gotta do."

" It's not that easy," Faith grumbles, her face grim.

" The hell it aint. You go in, you claim you right to … whatever-the-fuck-you-call-it, and you break out the sword, kill the guy and we party! Sounds pretty damned clear to me!" Alt-Faith smiles, satisfied. " Where's the problem?"

" Where's the problem?" Faith, her temper up, mocks, " Are you insane? Kill the guy? I'm not murdering someone, not over this…"

" Over what then, bonehead?" Alt-Faith retorts. " Over a pack of cigs? " She pats her pockets. " Hey, where are my cigs, anyway?"

" Gave them up, " Faith says, " I don't want this. Not like this. It'd be wrong!"

" Oh crap!" Alt-Faith growls, " When the hell did you turn into Buffy for Christ's sake? ' it'd be wrong' " She mocks Faith in high falsetto. " What about what they're doing to you… us, I might add. That's not wrong?"

" There's no proof it's the clan shooting at me, " Faith defends, weakly, " and even if it is them, I'm not gonna start doing shit because they're doin' shit to me!"

" Since when?" Alt-Faith shakes her head." What's this crappolla you're spewin, anyway? Two wrongs don't make a right? God, pull the fucking cork outta your ass and listen up!"

" Hell no I'm not gonna 'listen up'," Faith turns her back on her alter ego, " I listened to your crap way too much already."

Alt-Faith reaches out, and grabs Faith by the shoulder, spinning her around. Her fist smashes into Faith's face, and Faith is down. She straddles Faith.

" Now, listen up, bitch. Like it or not, I'm part of you. Hell, askin' me, I'm the best part of you. So, get over this crap that you're not gonna listen." Faith starts to struggle up, but Alt-Faith pushes her back down. " Stay down!" She settles herself more comfortably on her alter-ego. " So, when exactly did you become a wuss, anyway?"

" I'm not a wuss, " Faith snarls, " I'm not the problem here. You're the problem, you psycho!"

" Shut up!" Alt-Faith punches her again, " God, you're so screwed up, you don't even know you're screwed up. ' Oh, no I couldn't do that. It'd be wrong. That's wrong. You better stop it, that's wrong! I'm gonna kick your ass, cuz that's wrong!' God, you sound more and more like B every fucking day. How the fuck I stand you, I don't even know!" Alt-Faith spits at her. " Tell you what, moron. Here's the sitch, so listen up real good. It's not, I repeat for the moron crowd, it's NOT, about right or wrong. God, you goody-goody types always fuck that one up. it's about power. Who's got it, how they use it, all that stuff. Do you think you can do crap if you're like… broke? Remember motel hells? I sure do, and I'm tellin' ya, I'm so not going back to sleeping in piss-stinky-roach-infested-pig sties again. I'm over that phase, get it? Spartan my ass; those are crap holes, and I'm not likin' crap holes, know what I mean?" Alt-Faith delivers another punch to Faith, " Pay attention, I'm talkin here! You think Evil's gonna go all shaky and quivery because you come along with your rag-tag band of losers? Evil has power, Evil knows power, Evil USES its power. Every fucking goddamn way it can. It's got the women, it's got the money, it's got the best fucking PR machine in this and every other fucking dimension. Know why every fucking asshole in the universe buys into it? Cuz they make it pretty. They know exactly what to say to whom, and what to offer and withhold. They got the power, and whatta you got? Nothin'. Jack. Not a damned fucking thing. "

" You're wrong!" Faith manages to free her legs, and wraps them around her tormentor. She pulls her off, and throws her on the ground, and the positions are reversed. She's on top. " Listen up, psycho-bitch," She punches Alt-Faith in the mouth," Got your attention now?"

" That's my girl" Alt-Faith grins, " Wonderin' where you been hiding." She spits the blood out of her mouth.

" I haven't been hiding, you moron. I've been here, all the fucking time. And hey, you're stuck in the past. That's your problem. You never learn crap. Because you're too fucking stupid to learn, " Faith leans over Alt-Faith, getting in her face. " Well, I'll talk real slow like so maybe you can get it. You say it's about power? Well, wrong-o, it's not about power. Get it? That's an excuse to do bad things, cuz you think it's all gonna come out in the wash. Hey, it's all for the greater good, right? So what if I hurt this idiot here, or kill that moron there. I'm special. Right and wrong? It doesn't apply to me, right? Cuz I'm better than they are, right?"

" Well, look who suddenly shot up in the IQ points. That's what I been tellin' ya, dope !" Alt-Faith smirks.

"Well, you're the dope then, moron. That's the same crap the Nazi's spewed when they did the power trip, ya know? We're the master race, you all are the slave races, and baby, you kiss our ass. Well guess what? It doesn't work that way. Get it?" Faith slaps her alter ego again.

" Stop with the slappin already, ok? I'm getting a toothache!" Alt-Faith grins." So, that aint the way it works, huh? Ok, Professor Wuss, why don't you tell me exactly how it works then?"

" It's all connected, dope. Everything you do, affects others. Every little evil you do hurts echoes down the line. Everyone you hurt, everything you steal, each person you murder? Yeah, listen up, it's murder, girl. Everyone you do wrong to? Affects not only you, not only them, but everybody across the chain. What you do matters. You can't just go out and be for yourself, because what you do is gonna affect every little bit. Actions have consequences, and if you do enough, they're gonna come back and bite you on the ass. You don't get away with squat, don't you get it? Cuz somebody always knows. If no one else, you know what you did. Now, to you, it doesn't mean shit. Because you aint got a soul. You don't give a crap about what you… we… did . But baby, I do, and I do care. I gotta live with myself. I gotta look at my pretty face in the morning, and hope I don't vomit, thinking about what I did. The worst part, though, is the emptiness. Because you know you don't deserve anything better. You don't deserve to be loved, or wanted or any of it, because you just had to hurt, take and kill. Because it never goes away. Evil sticks. Like glue. You can never wash it out. I'm gray forever, because no matter what I do, I'll never make up for what I did. But that doesn't mean I'm gonna quit tryin'. Yeah, this world's fucked up. It's crap like you that fucks it up, " Faith punches her alter ego again, " but you know what? I'm gonna live in it, live like it's the way it should be. Not the way it is ."

Alt-Faith makes snoring noises. " Oh, are you done? Well, wasn't that…boring?" She bucks, throwing Faith off. Faith starts to get up, but Alt-Faith hits her square in the face with her elbow. Faith sits, stunned.

" that was a real pretty speech there, dork. I almost got all teary over it. Yeah, right, " Alt-Faith sneers, " but push comes to shove, you can't do nothing unless you got the power to do it. It's a fact, Jack, and you can't change that. So, while you're all playin the harp and singin' the platitudes, I'm the one doin' the dirty work. You got it right, Faith. You're soul aint no white snow bank. It's been pissed on, and it's got dirt and gravel and road crap in it. Guess what? So is everybody else's. It's called being human, Faith. Everybody's got darkness in them. You just got more than most. So the fuck what? It's me that does the heavy lifting, and you get the credit, or blame. That's the deal."

Faith starts to stand up again, but her alter ego shoves her back down

"Sit down. I'm not done talking yet. I don't frankly give a rat's patootie what you do with the power. If you wanna go wearin' a toga and trippin' through the marigolds, well, that's just fine with me. Piss it away any fucking way you want. But think, idiot, think. If you got nothin, you can't DO nothin'. Simple logic. Yeah, I know, you gotta do somethin' hard here. But hey, it's life baby. It's gotta be done. And you need ME to do it, cuz you?" She looks at Faith with disgust, " you aint got the brass to do it. So I'll do it again, like I always do, and you'll watch and fret. But it's gonna happen, because it's GOTTA happen, get it?" Alt-Faith smirks at Faith. " Probably not, you always were the dumb one. Listen, you need me to do it, cuz I'm the iron under the velvet. I'm the steel in your spine, I'm the one that lets you do the crappy stuff you need to do. You can't get by without me, and dammit, I can't get by without you. That's fucked, but it's the way it goes."

" I don't believe it. It's a fucking lie, like all your crap," Faith growls.

" Yeah, well lie to yourself any way you want. But you know I'm not lyin', " Alt-Faith grins. " We're stuck with each other, baby. Believe me, I'd get a smarter partner if I could!"

Faith, tight lipped, just stares at her. Alt-Faith grins.

"Oooo so hostile!" Alt-Faith teases, " c'mon, baby, gimme a kiss." Alt Faith reaches out, and grabs Faith's head, kissing her hard on the lips. She begins to glow, and the glow turns a dark deep red. She seems to turn into a mist, covering Faith. The mist slowly dissipates, and for a brief moment, Faith's eyes flash red. Then it's gone, and so is Alt-Faith.

Faith sits for a long time, not moving. Her hands claw into the earth, her expression angry and hostile. She stares out into space, as if lost somewhere, some time else. Finally, she pushes off, standing up. Turning around, she sees a rock near the edge of the cliff. She walks over, and using her heel, shoves it over the cliff. She watches it fall until it disappears into the water below. She stands for awhile, watching the whitecaps break over the black wet rocks below.

" Yeah, we'll get this done," she mutters softly.

Turning, she walks back to her car.

* * *

Ireland 

Limerick county

Layne's house.

Layne moves quickly around the living room, clearing the glasses and other debris from the meeting.

The meeting of the Triad.

By birth, Layne was a member of the Triad. She was the oldest child of her parents, who had been long time members before their deaths. The eldest child, by tradition, took up the gauntlet and carried it.

The Triad was an old, old secret society within the clan. It was a privileged and restricted organization. It's members only came from the cream of the clan families. Its purpose was the preservation and enforcement of clan law, as they interpreted it.

As a teenager she'd gone through the trials, and gained the mark of the triad, always on the back, below the left shoulder blade. It had been her proudest moment. She relished her role as law enforcer, giving it a particular zeal and devotion not common even amongst the group. Her devotion had been noticed; there had been talk, lots of it, that someday she would succeed the current leadership of the clan.

Then that prophecy had been resurrected. Some ravings of a madman banished to the New World. She'd been this close, within inches, of taking the leadership, when it was snatched away from her. ripped from her by some stupid, spoiled American of questionable heritage…Black Irish, to boot. The worst of the worst. She was put in the spot, given the power. Layne burned with resentment. To be so close, and to have it stolen from her. Stolen by someone not even learned in the traditions. Someone not even fully Irish. It was a slap in the face.

Layne wasn't a fool, however. She wanted power, and if she couldn't have the top spot, by damn, she'd at least be in the top hierarchy. She did her best to swallow her anger and to cozy to the new leader, one Faith Lehane._ Yeah, sure it's Lehane. My ass. She took the name because she knew no one would buy her daddy's name. DeMarco… some fucking Italian! Her mother got knocked up by some damned Dago, and she gets it all. It's just a fuckin' rip._ Layne put on a happy face, and listened to the idiot child as she tried to lead the clan, nodding and doing all the right things to grease herself a good spot. _After all, who really believes that the Clan leader really runs things? I might not have the title, but baby, I'm gonna run the show. I'll put up with her prattle, and kiss her ass when necessary, but the real power's gonna be in these hands. Not hers!_

Being the power behind the throne wasn't as easy as Layne thought it would be. She didn't like this girl, but Faith wasn't anybody's fool. She was smart, quick on her feet, and perceptive. She had her own ideas, and she was good, extremely good, with the financials. Grudgingly, Layne had to give Faith her props. She still thought she was a thief, and she'd be happy to kick her when she was down, but a slow respect for her ability grew in Layne.

Then Faith made her , in Layne's eyes, fatal error. She had a vision. God, don't these pretenders have a vision? It's damned sickening. She wanted to shake up Clan Lehane, make it a new, active player in the fight between good and evil. And she didn't know anything about politics, or the art of persuasion. Her style was to bull right through the china shop, and let the pieces fly where they may. This didn't set well all with the elders. A lot resented this new ' upstart ' as they began to call her. Layne saw her opportunity and ran with it.

Behind the scenes, she began distancing herself from Faith. Simultaneously, in the Triad meetings, she started talking up ousting the ' half-breed' demon bitch. Unlike Faith, Layne was well versed in the way the game was played. She never talked bad about her, only ' raised concerns' about her direction of the Clan. Similarly, she maneuvered her position, moving to get Faith out of the leadership while not endorsing any violence against her person. She didn't want her dead; that would be wrong. She was, after all, Lehane. Even if only a half breed. But she surely wouldn't mind if she were stripped of her title, and humiliated. She could relish that.

Tonight's meeting, however, proved that others had other plans for Faith. A more radical faction in the Triad, led by Sean, wasn't satisfied with Faith's ouster. They wanted more. They wanted to make her an example: trifling with the clan, and the Triad, had a price. A severe price. They planned to kill Faith, and make her a lesson to other potential upstarts. Layne started to protest, but found herself out-maneuvered. A majority of the quorum for the meeting supported the new plan, and she couldn't shut it down.

Their plan was to use an old relic. An amulet, pre-dating the existence of the Slayers. It was called Menoch's Hope. Its creation was for fight demons. It was forged in the holy altar fires to the Powers that Be, and blessed( some say cursed ) by the priests. Its wearer was rendered nearly invulnerable. All blows from it's opponent would be minimized, and each blow sucked some of the opponents life force from him or her or it. Since the time of the war between the Clan and the Watcher's council, Menoch's Hope hadn't been used. Active demon fighting was left to the council; the clan had its own agenda and way in maintaining the balance. But the relic was kept as a holy piece, a shrine to the past.

Somehow, someway, Sean's faction had stolen Menoch's Hope… and they planned to use it against Faith. They knew she was aware of the Cammaragh, and that she wouldn't just go quietly. They were counting on it. Once the Clan's champion had been picked, he would be presented Menoch's Hope to wear, as a symbol of support.

What wasn't known to most of the clan was how the amulet worked. Once it's put it on, it bonds with the wearer permanently. The only way to remove it is to kill the wearer. Also, its mystical properties hide it from view, so it becomes invisible. No one would be aware it was being used; except for the Triad. Since the Triad represented the leading families, one within their membership would be chosen as champion. The plan was sweet and simple; for Faith, it would prove deadly.

Layne listened in silence to their plotting. Her face was impassive, but inside she was in turmoil. There was no love lost between her and Faith. Faith was more than aware of where she stood on the leadership question. But what the others planned. It wasn't acceptable. It wasn't right. Is this what we've come to? Killing our own? This isn't, it just isn't right! She knew, however, not to speak against the plan. The Triad wasn't known for its tolerance against a plan, once it had been adopted by a quorum of the membership. Her own life could be forfeit if she actively spoke against the decision. She feared Sean, especially. Even if the membership didn't condone her death, that wouldn't stop him. So she made her argument before the vote. When it went against her, she acted as if she accepted the decision.

As she deposits the glasses from the living room into the kitchen sink, Layne makes her decision. Somehow, she has to tip off Faith to the plan. Layne, despite her machinations, despite her narrow minded bigotry, wasn't evil. Not at her core. And this plan was Evil. With a capital E. She has to find some method to warn Faith, so she can forgo the Cammaragh. That would be the smart thing to do. Of course, if she's an idiot, she at least was warned.

She knows Faith won't listen to her. Faith is aware of Layne's ambitions, and she will just think it's a scare tactic, something to drive her out and let Layne in. No, she knows she has to find some other way. She thinks about it awhile, trying to find any way but the most obvious. The last thing she wants to do is involve Kira in this. Not out of any familial concern. No, because she knows Kira doesn't trust her.

Kira has good reason not to trust her. While Layne, as eldest child, is head of the family, Kira is special. She's been granted mystical power. This is a rare gift from the Powers that Be, and any family member with the boon is exalted. She has the true power in the family, if she only knew it. But she doesn't, because Layne has done her best to keep it from being known.

Layne was the first to realize that Kira was gifted. When they were younger, Kira trusted Layne with everything. She told Layne of her dreams, and Layne soon realized that Kira was gifted with the sight. She could see what was going to happen, before it happened. Her jealousy , even then, knew no bounds. She'd be damned if she'd be robbed of her birthright by her little sister. So, slowly, she convinced Kira that her dreams were nothing special. In fact, she convinced Kira that her dreams were a form of madness, and that they had to hide them. Or she would be sent away. She would disgrace the entire family. Kira, younger and rather naïve, believed her sister, and never told her dreams to anyone else.

Kira might be naïve, but she wasn't stupid. When she grew older, and went to college, she realized her dreams weren't some kind of madness. She figured out her sister had been lying to her, but she didn't know why. By then, however, she didn't really care anymore. Layne annoyed and tortured her on many levels, and she felt the best thing she could do would be to have as little contact with her as possible. A rift developed between the sisters, and Kira went to America to work for Lehane North America to get away from her and her old life.

Layne fiddles with the phone, trying to put off as long as she could what she knows she has to do. Her pride stands in the way. This is against everything she's worked for most of her life. She's going to betray the Triad. There's no other way to color it. But what they're going to do is so wrong, so against what her parents taught her, that she has no choice.

She picks up the phone and starts dialing.

* * *

Los Angeles, CA 

Hyperion Hotel

The phone behind the reception desk in the Hyperion Hotel starts to ring.

And ring.

And ring.

"Damn!"

Willow runs down the staircase, cursing. _I only went upstairs for a minute. Geeze I had to pee for Christ's sake!_

" Keep ringing, keep ringing. Don't stop ringing now!" Willow mutters as she hurries toward the phone. " Ring, ring, ring, ring, please ring." She rushes behind the desk and tears the handset off the phone. " Hello! Hello! Faith?"

There's a silence at the other end. For a second, Willow thinks the connection has been broken.

_Damn, damn, and damn! I just had to pee. Goddess, why did you have her call now?_

A voice on the line, with a distinctive Irish lilt, speaks. " Hello, who is this?"

Willow, puzzled and a little irritated, replies. " This is Willow. Who's this? "

" This is Layne Hearne. I'm trying to contact my sister, Kira Hearne. Is she available, by chance?"

" No, I'm sorry. She had to go out on business." Willow says, automatically. Then the name kicks into her consciousness._ Layne? Kira's sister?_ " Layne? Kira's sister, right? Faith is staying with you, right? Can I speak to her, please?"

" No, I'm afraid not."

" Why NOT?" Willow almost yells into the phone. Her nerves are beyond frayed.

" Well, for one thing, she's not here at the moment," Layne replies, unperturbed. But her voice has a slight edge to it. " Who are you, anyway?"

" I told you. I'm Willow Rosenberg. I'm a friend of Faith's. Have you seen her? Is she ok?"

" She was fine this morning, when she left here. I'm assuming she's fine now." Layne replies. " Listen, do you know where Kira might be? I really need to get in contact with her. It's important."

Willow sighs heavily. _She's ok, thank you Goddess, thank you !_ " I don't know where Kira went. She left here a few hours ago. She said she had some business to take care of. That's all I know." Willow plows on, " Faith, do you know where she is? Is there a number I can reach her at?"

" I'm sorry, dear, but Faith left this morning to go to a Board meeting, and hasn't been back. I'm afraid she doesn't report in to me. I'm just a flunky, you know."

Something about that statement just doesn't strike Willow right.

" I remember you now. You were here last month, with a couple of guys in tow. As I recall, You three and Faith and Kira were pretty much closeted in her office for the entire day. I dunno, but you didn't seem all that flunkyish to me."

Layne pauses a minute, trying to puzzle out a Willowism. " Flunkyish? Is that even a word?"

" I'm saying, you seemed to be pretty much in charge. So I'm wondering, exactly how much of a flunky are you? What's going on here?" Willow's nose is twitching ; this woman's hiding something.

" Indeed. Did we meet? Wait a minute… Willow, that's a very unusual name…" Layne pauses. " Oh yes, I remember. You're the petite little blonde woman with Kira, isn't that so?"

" No, that'd be Buffy."

" Buffy? Yes, of course, Buffy. How…droll. You Americans have such colorful names. Let me think… Oh, I remember you now! You're the redheaded woman, with the freckles? Right?"

" Not so much with the freckles anymore, but yes, that's me. And you're the tall redheaded woman. Look, can we skip all this and get down to it? Why're you calling Kira?"

" I really don't see how that's any of your concern, Miss, " Layne says, her tone going a little frosty.

" I'm making it my concern, Miss," Willow echoes her words. Her voice grows cold." Considering what I know about what the hell is going on here, I'm really believing this call is concerning Faith. Anything concerning Faith, concerns me. Are we clear?"

" I'm afraid this is Lehane business, Miss. I can't tell you anything more," Layne's voice also gets colder.

" I guess I wasn't clear before. Let me clarify," Willow's voice gets a deeper, brittle quality to it. " Have you ever heard the expression, " Don't piss off the witch?"

There's a silence on the phone as Layne puzzles out Willow's meaning.

" Are you threatening me, Willow?" Layne's voice is positively icy.

" I don't threaten, " Willow replies. She mutters to herself softly " Fio unus serpentus inermis."

Layne hears a strange rustling sound. She looks down at the phone, and sees it's turned into a coiled snake. Its head is up, weaving in the air. She drops the receiver.

**Can you hear me, Layne? **A voice says in her mind.

"Holy mother of God, what the hell?" Layne says, shocked.

**Can you hear me?**

Yes, yes, I can hear you. Where are you?" Layne looks around, panicked.

**In your head, Layne. Now, don't get all panicky. The snake is harmless… this time. It's only a king snake. It can't hurt you. But I'm tired of this game. Do you understand?**

"Yes, yes, I understand. Just make it go away!" Layne is deathly afraid of snakes.

**No more games then, right?**

" Yes, no more games. Just do it!"

Willow mutters under her breath. " Serpentus abeo!"

Layne looks at the phone…it's back to normal, the handset sitting askew of it.

**Pick up the phone, Layne.**

Layne gingerly pokes at the phone, not trusting it won't change into a snake again.

**PICK IT UP!**

She picks it up with some alacrity.

" How in heaven did you do that?" She asks, amazed and sounding a lot less pompous.

" Practice, " Willow says shortly, " Now, we're done with the games, right? Tell me what you wanted to tell Kira."

Layne pauses for a second. _She's Faith's friend. Maybe she'll be easier to convince than Kira._

" Alright, but if anyone hears of this, I'll deny it. I'm putting my life in your hands, " Layne says, firmly, " Understand?"

"What're you talking about? Tell me!" Willow is already not liking this.

" You've got to talk to Faith. Convince her not to go through with her plans to do something called the Cammaragh" Layne says, quickly, " Do you need me to repeat that?"

" Not a moron here, thanks. And oh, hey? Not going to happen. I tried for a week to convince her not to go through with it."

" What? You know what the Cammaragh is?" Layne is again amazed.

" Duh. Duel to the death, yeah. Got it," Willow says with some aspersion, " Listen, you're there, she's staying with you. Why don't YOU tell her? Maybe she'll listen to you!"

" Faith and I…aren't exactly on speaking terms, if you catch my meaning, " Layne says. "She'd hardly believe it coming from me… but she might believe you."

" Hold on… what're you not telling me? Believe me about what?"

" IF your friend insists on the Cammaragh, she's in mortal danger. I can't tell you anymore than that."

Willow starts to fume on her side of the call. She speaks into the phone, her tone clipped, and low. " You better explain yourself, fast. Or you'll be having a whole roomful of snakes to be keeping you company… and they won't be particularly harmless."

" Listen, you little American twit, " Layne says, losing her temper. " I'm already putting my life on the line telling you what I've told…"

"Fio plurus serpentus mortifer!"

Layne hears the dry rattle of the rattlesnakes surrounding her chair. She doesn't even look

" Ok, ok, just stop !"

"Serpenta abeo"

" Now tell me everything, or…" Willow says calmly but firmly.

" Ok, alright. Just no more snakes!" Layne says, sweating profusely. " If Faith goes through with the Cammaragh, they have it rigged. They're using an old relic, called Menoch's Hope. It's an amulet, granting the wearer immunity from harm. More, it drains the life force of the attacker, slowly but decisively. Do you understand now? She has to quit. She can't go through with it, or she's …"

" How do you know this?" Willow grills her, " What's your part in this?"

" Listen, I'm not saying anything more. Kill me if you want, I'm probably already dead, and so it doesn't matter. But I'm not telling you anything about our…"

" The Triad?" Willow growls softly.

" How do you know about the Triad?" Layne lets it slip before she thinks. " Damn!"

" You're killer failed the last time out, bitch. But she nearly killed my best friend. Wanna guess how pissed off I am about that one?"

" Listen to me. I had nothing to do with that. I didn't even know about it til much later," Layne's voice is sounding desperate, " that's why I'm calling now. Sure I want Faith out… she's a danger to everything the clan is supposed to be about. But I never would kill her, or anyone. Never!"

" Listen to me very carefully. If you want to live beyond the next two minutes, you better be straight with me." Willow's voice has dropped a register, " Was Kira involved with the shooting? Is she a member of this Triad?" Willow closes her eyes.

**I'm in your mind now, Layne. I'll know if you're lying to me! Was Kira involved?**

" No, I swear on everything sacred. Kira's not involved with the Triad. "

**Tell me more about the amulet. This " Menoch's Hope". Does it have any weaknesses? How can we counter it?**

" I told you everything I know about it!"

**Tsk, Tsk, Layne. I told you I can tell if you're lying to me.**

Layne feels a pair of snakes crawling up her arms. She screams involuntarily.

**Tell me!**

" Ok, ok. It's mystical. It binds to the wearer. It can only be removed if he dies. And, as soon as it's put on, it goes invisible. But, if she can somehow find the stone, and smash it, it'll release the life force… but I don't know anything more! Honestly!"

**Good. We're done here. I suggest you find a nice place to hide. And don't ever call here again. I don't think anyone will want to talk to you. Clear ?**

" Believe me, I won't be calling again." Layne says, not sure if to speak into the phone or what. She listens, but the phone clicks and the connection is severed.

She stares at the phone. Her heart is racing fast in her chest. She turns to get up, figuring she better start packing. She's going on vacation for awhile. Maybe for the rest of her life. If she's ever found out by the Triad, she's dead.

" Layne Hearne. There are two things I don't suffer lightly. Fools, and traitors. And you're both!" A voice from behind her says.

Startled, she looks up, and the last thing she sees is the flash of the gun as it goes off.

* * *

To be continued. 


	26. Part 26

Independence

By Norwalker

Part 26 of

Summary: What did Willow and Faith discuss in that little car trip from L.A. to Sunnydale in season 7? And what were the consequences? A Willow/ Faith story

Rating: R, Very R

Category: romance/drama/angst

Spoilers: Possible season 7 spoilers. Possible season 4 Angel spoilers. C'mon, you must have seen 'em by now!

Time Line: Mid season 7(after the return of Faith) and beyond

Disclaimer: Joss Whedon , Mutant Enemy and Fox own them.

Warnings: Adult themes, violence, sexual situations between members of the same gender. Please be aware, character death is always a distinct possibility. It can happen here, so don't say I didn't warn you! Any racist remarks are spoken by the characters, and are in no way shared by the author. This story is not meant for children.

* * *

Ireland

County Limerick

Layne's house.

Faith knows something's wrong. Very, very wrong.

She pulls up in front of Layne's house, and her body starts to tense. She doesn't see any lights on. _She said earlier that she would be home this evening._ Getting out of the car, the second clue became clear. The front door is ajar. Faith closes her eyes, shutting out all stimuli except her hearing, trying to discern whether someone is still here… but she doesn't hear anything. Even so, she cautiously approaches the front door, looking around for someone hiding or laying in wait.

Slipping quietly through the front door, she crouches, making a low hard target of herself. She notices a rear light on, and starts towards it. The moonlight coming through the front window illuminates the living room, giving it an eerie, otherworldly feeling. Her senses adjust, and she sees some glasses on the coffee table, as if someone or a group of someone's were here earlier._ Weirder and weirder. Did she go out with some friends?_ She still moves cautiously, thinking if she is out, possibly burglars were present, somewhere. She's almost at the kitchen when a distinctive odor hits her, an odor she's smelled before, too many times. Coppery and slightly acrid. _Blood. _She carefully peers around the door to the kitchen, and her heart nearly stops in her chest.

Layne is lying on the ground, her chair overturned and the phone laying askew close to her. A pool of blood has formed around her. Her eyes are open, staring sightlessly into space. Faith feels the beginnings of nausea hitting her, but she swallows it down, and stands, walking over to where Layne lies. She kneels down, being careful to avoid the blood, and touches her neck.She breathes a sigh of relief when she feels a pulse. Faith gets up and grabs a towel, and careful picks up the phone, trying to preserve evidence. She dials quickly, calling for help.

She stands on the porch, watching as they load Layne's gurney into the waiting ambulance. She's finishing up with the police, who are eyeing her somewhat suspiciously. Her nerves are frayed, having just completed a very intense grilling session with the local constabulary. She's still reeling from what happened. _They must've thought Layne was me, and shot her. I don't know how they could confuse us, but thank god they were as inept as the one at the Hyperion back in L.A._ She starts for her car, planning to follow the ambulance back into town, when she starts to shake violently. Everything about the past couple of days seems to catch up with her, and her nerves have broken. Leaning heavily against the car, she tries to push it back down. _Not now, I can't do this now!_ Try as she might, she can't stop the shaking, and the other signs of breakdown hit her hard. She sits heavily on the ground, as wave after wave of emotion washes over her. Her body shakes with sobs, but she bites her lip not to let them out. She just rocks back and forth, trying to get control of herself again. Finally she regains control, and with some effort stands, letting herself into her car. She sits heavily in the seat, leaning against the steering wheel, still feeling shaky.

_I don't get this. _Faith murmurs to herself,_ I've never reacted like this before. Been through lots worse… doesn't make sense._ Every breath seems to burn in her lungs, as slowly the feeling passes off her. She starts the car, letting the engine run for a minute or so as she pulls herself together. She sits up and looks around, having the feeling that someone is with her. But she doesn't see anyone, and shakes off the feeling. _Great, I'm getting paranoid now!_ Finally, she backs out the drive, and down the road, She still can't quite throw off the feeling of weakness, but she forces herself to go on. She has too much to do to break down now. She clenches the wheel, driving faster to get into town.

She's never felt so alone in her life.

* * *

Los Angeles, CA.

Hyperion Hotel

Late afternoon.

Willow stands behind the desk, trying to digest what she's learned from Layne.

Try as she might, her mind wanders off, thinking of how she got the information. Before she even realized it, she was using magic to intimidate Layne, and that bothered her. For a moment, a brief moment, she lost control, and Dark Willow came out. A deep fear strikes at her heart.

_It was wrong. So damned wrong. I never should've… damn, I let go, just for a minute. I… goddess, how often is that happening? Without me even knowing it? Goddess, please, not now. Don't let me slip now. Too much is at stake…_ Feeling a sudden weakness, she leans against the desk, and looks down at her hands. She nearly jumps out of her skin when she sees the articulated veins appear, and her nails turn black. Then almost as quickly, they disappear, and her hands are normal again. But her heart is hammering in her chest, and she feels the shaking increasing.

Feeling scared, she pushes away from the desk, and starts to walk around it. But her legs are like water, and she suddenly finds herself sitting on the ground, her whole body starting to tremble. She tries to fight it, pull herself together, but the trembling only becomes more pronounced. She tries to stand, but her legs won't hold her. She falls flat on her back, her body convulsing as if she were having a seizure. A soul-deep sound comes out of her, she has a last violent spasm, her eyes roll up into her head, and she's still.

She feels herself hurtling through an empty place. Not just of objects, but of matter and energy or anything. This is null, a void, there is nothing here but a grayness. Faster and faster she soars, the physical laws of the universe don't apply in this place. She can't tell if she's moving up or down, left or right, north or south, because there is no reference. There is no resistance, and her essence seems to move at a speed with no measure. As she moves, her very essence seems to start to fragment, as if the force that provides it cohesion is dissipating. _I wonder if this is death? If this is what it's like to die?_ Even as that thought passes, she's brought to a sudden and unceremonious halt. As if she suddenly plunged into an invisible wall. If she were physical at the moment, she would be dizzy and in quite a lot of pain. As is, she's dazed and confused.

She doesn't recognize this place; she's never been here before. In front of her is a house, and at that moment the door flies open, two men guiding out a wheeled stretcher. There's someone on it, a woman! Willow wills herself closer, and for a moment fears the worst. _Faith! Dead!_ But the she sees the IV drip hanging off the stretcher._ Not Dead!_ She looks closer, and sees the woman has red hair. _Not Faith! But who?_ For a moment she's confused, not understanding why she was brought here. But then a flash of recognition tells her who it is . _Layne! But… what? How…?_ She 'hears' something about a shooting, and panic starts to swell within her. _Oh, god! FAITH! She might still be in there…lying in there…dead!_ She dreads going in, but she has to know… she starts to will herself inside when she hears something. A sob. Coming from behind the car in the driveway. She turns, and floats over. Huddled behind the car she finds faith, crouched down and shaking. She sees more than hears the sobs, and she sees tears flowing down Faith's face.

An intense longing to hold and comfort her overwhelms Willow. She tries to reach out, but she can't touch her._ DAMN! DAMN, DAMN, DAMN!_ she curses this lack of physical form. Helpless, she watches as Faith drags herself up and forces herself into the driver's seat. She floats inside of the car, next to Faith, 'sitting' on the seat beside her. Faith slumps in her seat, seemingly exhausted. Willow uses all her concentration and reaches out, her incorporeal 'hand' going through Faith. Faith starts up and looks around, as if realizing someone else is there.

" I'm here, baby, I'M HERE!" Willow tries to communicate with her, but realizes she's failed when Faith shakes her head. As Faith starts the car, Willow feels herself being pulled away. " NO! Not NOW! DAMMIT NOT NOW! Please, please, let me stay with her!" But the pull is irresistible, and Willow finds herself once again hurtling through the gray nothingness. In the space of time that might have been forever, or a millisecond, Willow finds herself slammed back into her body, back in Los Angeles. Feeling bereft and useless, she starts to cry.

Buffy, white faced, is holding Willow's head on her lap. She's stroking her face, and occasionally slapping her, trying to get her to respond. When Willow starts to cry, she feels her heart start beating in her chest again.

" Shhh… Willow, it's ok, honey, it's ok. " Buffy croons at her. She shouts, " Kira! Kira! WHERE ARE YOU? I NEED SOME HELP HERE!" Buffy cradles Willow gently as Willow's eyes start to flutter.

Kira runs down the stairs, rushing to Buffy . " Oh my god. What happened?"

" I don't know… I came in from the garden and found her lying behind the desk. Call an ambulance, Kira. I think she's…"

" B-B-Buffy?" Willow croaks out, hoarsely. She struggles to rise, but Buffy holds her down.

" Lie still, honey. It's ok. We're getting an ambulance." Buffy says in a quiet, calm voice. Quite the opposite of what she feels. " I think you had a seizure of some kind…"

" No… I'm ok… really" Willow says, forcefully. She pushes herself up. " I'm ok, honestly."

" God, Will, " Buffy croaks out, her heart in her throat, " you scared me shitless. I …I thought you… oh god.." Buffy feels herself getting a little dizzy. She leans heavily against the desk. Her breathing is heavy and deep.

Kira comes around the desk, kneeling by Willow. She touches her cheek. " Are you sure you ok? You feel a little clammy…"

" I'm fine… really, " Willow insists, panting. She feels like she's just run a couple of miles at top speed. " Just something weird… happened… I was there…"

" What? Where?" Buffy asks, still feeling a bit off, " where were you?"

" There, at the house… in Ireland. Layne's house!"

"WHAT!" Kira exclaims, staring at Willow. " You were at Layne's? How … how do you know?"

" I saw her, I saw Layne, "Willow bites her lip. She doesn't like having to tell Kira. " Honey, I think… something happened to her. They… they were carrying her out in a stretcher to an ambulance…"

Kira goes deadly pale." Is…was… she…dead?" Her voice is barely above a whisper.

" No… they had an IV drip going, and she had an oxygen mask over her nose and mouth… I believe she's alive…"

It's Kira's turn to feel woozy. She sits heavily on the floor next to Willow. She sits silently, not making a sound except for her breathing. Her eyes are closed, and both Buffy and Willow can see she's trying to maintain control.

" It's ok, Kira. Really. I think Faith found her in time…" Willow reaches out to Kira, putting a hand on hers.

" Faith?" Buffy asks, surprised, " you saw Faith?"

" Yeah, she was there. She was huddled behind a car in the driveway. I think… I think she was really scared. She was shaking violently, and crying…" Willow's eyes start to burn at the memory.

"Faith?" Kira and Buffy say almost simultaneously. Neither has ever seen Faith cry.

" Yeah, " Willow says wearily, her little adventure catching up in a big way with her.

" Did you see where they took her?" Kira asks urgently, " Do you know where she is?"

" No…I'm sorry, Kira, I don't. Just as Faith was starting to drive away, something pulled me back here… the next thing I remember is seeing Buffy's face staring down at me."

Kira pushes herself to her feet. She stands a little wobbly, but she heads for the phone. " I've… got to call around. The hospitals in Limerick. That's where they'd take her… it's the biggest city in the county…"

"Wait… there's more." Willow says. She stands up, also a bit unsteady on her feet. She walks over to a couch in the lobby and plops down on it. Buffy and Kira, still shaken by everything that's happened, follow her and sit across from her.

" Layne called here about half an hour ago…she was looking for you, Kira." Willow says, turning to Kira, " I thought you were out and told her that." Willow pauses, to collect her thoughts. " She told me something… about Faith and the Clan and the Cammaragh… something bad…"

Buffy and Kira look at each other, then back at Willow. " What?" Buffy asks.

Willow relates her conversation with Layne to them. She edits out the parts about using magic._ That's all we'd need right now, a lecture from Buffy!_ By the end, both Buffy and Kira look lost in thought. Kira reacts first.

" No…I really… I just can't believe that. This is Lehane. We don't… we're the good guys… you must have gotten it wrong…"

" Kira, it's not the whole clan. Just a faction, " Willow looks at her intently, " Kira, what do you know about the Triad?"

Kira sits bolt upright, and stares at Willow. " The Triad?" her voice is almost a whisper. " That's… just a legend. It's not…"

" Kira, The Triad is the group that shot Buffy, remember what the gunman said?" Willow looks at her closely, " Are you involved with them in any way?"

" NO!" Kira replies adamantly. " They… they're just a myth. The Triad, from what I've heard, is a secret society that 'enforces' the rules of the clan. But everybody knows they don't really exist!"

" Kira," Willow's voice is gentle, " Layne is a member of the Triad."

" That's insane!" Kira's face flushes, " I just told you, it's…"

" She told me as much on the phone, Kira!" Willow is adamant." That's why she called here. She wanted to warn us. The Triad has plans to eliminate Faith as leader of Lehane."

" I can't believe this…" Kira shakes her head, " I won't believe this!"

" Kira," Buffy says softly, " Will wouldn't lie about something like this."

" Kira, have you ever heard of Menoch's hope?" Willow asks, calmly. She's trying to keep the woman from more upset.

" Yes. It's a relic. Something from the old times. It's kept in some museum or something, " Kira replies vaguely.

" Well, evidently, it's a pretty damned powerful relic. According to Layne, it's an amulet forged by shamans to protect the wearer from harm in combat. It makes him or her nearly invulnerable, and drains the life force of his attacker." Willow pauses to catch her breath, " evidently, the Triad has somehow gotten ahold of it, and they have plans to use it in the Cammaragh against Faith…"

" No!" Kira's voice is soft, as she stands up. Her expression is tight and closed." You must've gotten it wrong. You're saying the people I've known all my life, the people I grew up with, these people are plotting to take out Faith? That's… it's not true. Yeah sure, there've been some troubles over how Faith is running things; that's natural enough in something as large as Lehane. People argue and disagree… they don't murder over it! This isn't Wolfram and Hart, Willow. We're the good guys here." Kira paces agitatedly, " and you're saying Layne is a part of this? She's my sister, Willow. Yeah, no real love lost between us, she can be a bitch. I'll be the first one to say that. But she's not a murderer!"

" I know that, Kira, " Willow says quietly, " that's why she called. She was scared, I could tell that. Whoever she's been talking to has really scared her. She didn't want to be part of this."

" What ' this '?" Kira shakes her head, " you talk about some plot to get Faith that sounds like it came from a bad TV show. Who would do that? Faith's the one mentioned in the prophecy. Who would go against that?" Kira looks a little lost, " These people, I've known them my whole life, Willow. They're just regular folks. Their not some zombie brigade out to rule the world. They my friends. My family, " Kira turns to Willow," You grew up in a small town. How would you feel if someone told you that everyone was evil, and they were plotting against you?"

Buffy and Willow exchange a look, then look back at Kira with perfectly blank expressions.

" Oh yeah, Faith told me about Sunnydale. Bad example, I get that." Kira's voice gets an edge to it, " you're asking too much of me. To believe everything I believe in is wrong. It's just too much." Kira turns and starts walking towards the garden, " Too much."

" Wait, Kira. That's not what I'm saying at all, " Willow stands up to go after her. Buffy puts out a restraining hand. " What?" She turns to Buffy, impatiently.

" Let me talk to her"

" But Buffy, I've got to make her see that I wasn't trying to … "

" I know, Will. Just… give me this chance , ok?"

Willow is about to protest when she sees something in Buffy's face that stops her.

" Ok, Buff. I'll go check out the 'net, see if I can find out more about this Menoch's Hope. You talk to Kira…" Willow tilts her head and looks at Buffy , smiling a half smile.

" What?" Buffy says, a little weirded by Willow's expression.

" Nothing, Buffy, " Willow says, as she gets up and walks towards the stairs. She stops and looks back at Buffy, her grin widening.

" WHAT?" Buffy is getting a little irritated.

" Welcome back. Been missing you, " Willow says enigmatically. She climbs the stairs.

Buffy watches Willow climb the stairs, feeling bewildered. Shrugging, she turns and walks out of the lobby into the garden. She finds Kira standing there, staring up at the early evening sky. Buffy approaches her, but Kira puts up a hand, stopping her.

" I'm ok, Buffy. You don't have to coddle me, I'll be ok, " Kira says, not looking around. She sighs, and sits down on the bench by the fountain, still gazing with a thousand yard stare." I've just got to get my mind wrapped around this concept. I believe in Faith, and what she's doing… but you've got to admit, Willow's scenario sounds a little on the fantastical side."

" I don't want to coddle you, Kira. I respect you far too much to do that, " Buffy says, quietly, " I just want to talk to you."

" Talk about what, Buffy? How my clan seems to be bound and determined to kill Faith? Is that what you think?" Kira turns to look at her, " what do you expect me to feel, Buffy? These are the people that raised me, the ones I grew up around. My values, my ideals? I got them from them. So, does that make me evil too, Buffy?"

" Evil?" Buffy starts to move closer, but Kira backs up. Buffy stops." Look, Kira, I've gotten to know you. I know the kind of person you are. I wouldn't ever think you're evil. I know your parents must be proud of you…"

" My parents are dead, Buffy. Have been for awhile." Kira sits.

Buffy stands looking at her. " I'm sorry…"

" No, like I said, it's been awhile."

" I'm sure your parents were fine people, Kira. I know their daughter turned out well…"

" My parents belonged to the Triad, Buffy, " Kira says quietly.

" What?" Buffy suddenly finds it hard to breathe, " I thought… didn't you say you didn't … that they… it… didn't exist?"

" What was I going to say, Buffy? My parents were members. My sister, " Kira's face turns grim, " my very sister is a member…" Kira notes Buffy's expression, and her own is grimmer, still. " So, what do you think now, Buffy? Am I evil? I mean, this is where I got my values from…"

" Kira, what should I say?" Buffy feels stuck between a rock and a hard place, " The Triad tried to kill Faith. They shot me, Kira… what should I think? What should I believe?"

" I think I should go," Kira rises, heading for the lobby entrance, " I think it's pretty clear I shouldn't be here."

" Kira, wait!" Buffy calls out.

Kira stops, but doesn't turn around.

" Are you… are you part of it? The Triad? Do you… are you a member?"

" Is that what you think, Buffy?" Kira says over her shoulder, not turning around. She doesn't want Buffy to see her face.

" You just dropped a nuclear bomb on me, Kira. I'm not thinking so well. I know… what I know about you. What I feel about you. But I need you to tell me, Kira. Are you?"

" What does it matter, Buffy?" Kira says, her voice sharp, " guilt by association, wouldn't you say?"

" I don't believe in that. Guilt by association. That's bogus, " Buffy says, " and it does matter, Kira. Believe me. It matters."

" Believe what you must, Buffy," Kira says, walking to the door, " I've got to go." She starts to open the door.

" I believe…" Buffy hesitates for but the barest moment, " … I love you."

That stops Kira in her tracks. She stands facing the lobby. " What?"

" I believe I love you, Kira, " Buffy repeats herself. By her look, it's almost as if she doesn't believe she actually said it out loud.

" You believe you love me?" Kira's face is hidden in shadow, " You don't know?"

" I guess I've always believed that love is great passions, great emotions sweeping you up and consuming you. Incredible bliss , then maybe incredible pain. You know, big, huge, larger than life. Carried away with the currents and all. Like what I had with Angel, or sort of what I had with Spike…"

" Or how you felt about Faith?" Kira's voice sounds strange.

" Yes, like that, exactly. " Buffy agrees excitedly," Romance and sweep you off your feet passion and all the stuff… you know, right?"

" Aye, I know, " Kira says, softly.

" And I don't feel that about you."

" Oh," Kira says, softly. So many layers all in that one single word.

" When I'm with you, I feel… better. Do you understand? I feel stronger, somehow. Things that confuse me, make me feel weak? Don't seem to matter so much when you're there. Like everything's going to be ok, and that the world is right, somehow. I feel quiet inside, peaceful. When you leave? This sureness, this confidence I feel seems to go with you. I don't feel right, like I'm missing something… something damned important! I feel the world pressing in on me again, and I feel all the old doubts and confusions. I feel like a picture puzzle with a couple of pieces missing. Is this making any sense at all?"

Kira nods.

" I'm saying this all so badly, Kira. But I don't know how to say it right, I guess. I just know when you look at me, when I see you looking at me like you believe in me, I believe in me, too. Like I can do anything, because you believe I can. All I know is when I'm with you, I feel happy and complete. When I'm not, I feel sort of lost."

Kira doesn't say a word, doesn't move a muscle.

" Even when the others kind of didn't believe in me, I sensed you did. You stick by me, you seem to care about me. Why, I don't have a clue; I certainly haven't earned it." Buffy stops, as if trying to get what she wants to say just right, " So, I've got to tell you now. I don't blame you if you think you want to leave. I understand you might think we don't believe in you. But I have to let you know, I do believe in you, Kira. I believe in you, with all my heart. It might not mean anything, but I know you wouldn't do anything to hurt any of us. I know you, I know you couldn't do that. I believe in you."

" Buffy, " Kira says quietly.

" Let me finish, ok? I always believed love had to be some grand thing, something that hit you like a ton of bricks, that swept you away, that was full of pain, and intense joy, and bigger than your life. But when you said you had to leave, you should go; when I thought you might leave, and never come back? I thought my heart was going to break into a thousand pieces. The thought of never seeing you again? Of you being away from me? It … oh god, it really hurts. I don't get it, Kira. Love is supposed to be flowers and romantic places and fervent kisses, isn't it? So why does it hurt so much?"

" Buffy?" There's a catch in Kira's voice.

" Please don't go! I know you think we don't trust you, Kira. But that's so not right… I believe in you, I know Willow does. She didn't mean anything right now. Please?" Buffy looks at Kira, but she hasn't moved since Buffy started. Buffy thinks Kira is unaffected by her words. " Ok, bricks don't have to fall on my head. I've bollixed it up again, I've got it all wrong. I've had my say, so if you want to go, go. Just go now, ok? Don't stand there looking at me." Buffy waits, but Kira doesn't move. " Why are you just standing there? Go, ok? Do you want to see me cry? Is that it? Would that… god, I'm not gonna cry, so just go… oh, crap… ok… I'm crying…" Buffy starts to feel the pain hit her, " Ok, happy now? I'm crying… that should make you feel real good, right? Damn you, just go away!" Buffy turns around, feeling humiliated and hurt. She crosses her arms over her chest, and bites her lip, trying to keep from crying. She's only partially successful, as the tears keep rolling down her face. She listens, but doesn't hear anything. Looking over her shoulder, Kira is still there, not having moved an inch. " God, why are you doing this? Do you hate me so much that…" and then Kira is on top of her, arms around her, pulling her into a tight hug. Buffy feels kiss after kiss on her face. She collapses into Kira's arms.

" God, Buffy, would you shut up? You talk WAY too much!" Kira says, kissing her deeply. Buffy slips her arms around Kira's neck, and the kiss is returned with fervor.

Willow, holding a book in her hands, comes down the stairs. She's found reference to Menoch's hope, and in another book, possibly a way to help out Faith. She looks down into the lobby, but it's deserted. She frowns. _I guess Buffy wasn't so successful talking to Kira._ Sighing, she reaches the lobby and starts to cross to the desk. As she does, she glances out into the garden, and stops dead in her tracks. A large smile breaks out on her face. Feeling slightly voyeuristic, she watches as Buffy and Kira kiss as if they've discovered the meaning of love.

" Well, it's about damned time, " she chuckles, and turns away, to give them some privacy.

* * *

Ireland

County Limerick

St. Camillus Hospital

Faith stands at the foot of Layne's bed, staring down at the sleeping woman.

She's been at the hospital for a number of hours now, while Layne went through emergency surgery, then into recovery, and finally here… in a semi private room. Fortunately, the bullet hadn't hit any major organs, and she would recover. That didn't make it any better for Faith.

_That should be me lying there. The bullet was meant for me._ Faith felt guilt. If Layne hadn't invited her to stay at her house, she wouldn't be lying here now. She knows the assassin or assassins had just made a mistake; once they found out they would be on her again._ This is the second time someone's taken a bullet for me. It's going to be the last, if I can help it._

Of course, Faith wasn't even supposed to be here. Visiting hours were long past, and there were rules against her being here this late. As if that ever stopped her before. When they stopped her the first time, she didn't argue; she just found a way to sneak in. Standing here now, looking down on Layne as she slept, questions started to pop into her mind.

I don't understand it. If they were gunning for me, why shoot her? It's not like we look anything alike. There was a light on; they couldn't have mistaken her for me. Why did they shoot her? Fuck, who knows? Maybe it was a warning or something. Kind of " Quit or we kill more of your friends." But still, not making much sense. Layne and I knew each other, but us being friends is really stretching it. She kept her distance; probably didn't approve of me not being all Irish and all. Don't know about that. I do know she opposed me in the meeting. Even this 'Triad' must've known we weren't close. So why shoot her? How did they think I would react? It just doesn't make sense.

All Faith knew was that she didn't really want to be here. She hated hospitals with a passion, and avoided them like the plague. More than that, all this was beginning to make her question what she was doing in Ireland, anyway._ Is this what I want? Friends and acquaintances shot, because of my 'vision'? What is ' my ' vision, anyway? Some super-duper organization to fight evil? Does that sound lame, or what? What good would it do, anyway? Like, Evil's going to go " Oh, no, we better get out of here now! The white hats are coming!" Yeah, that's gonna happen. Evil's not going to be put down, not going to go away with its tail tucked between its legs. It'll always be here, so what the fuck good would it do to fight, anyway? Seems like, just get the people I know killed. Is that it? Just keep fighting til you die? You and everybody else that means anything?_ Feeling exhausted, she sits down in one of the chairs. She leaned back and closed her eyes. _Just for a minute, just to stop the burning._

What drove her to keep going? Remorse? Guilt? The desire for redemption? What did that mean, anyway, she wondered. She remembers Angel telling her, long ago, that you can never balance the scales, that what you've done is never washed away. That you get through the next 10 minutes, then the next 10 minutes._ What if I can't?_ She'd asked, desperate with guilt and remorse. _Then get through the next 5 minutes,_ he'd replied.

Now what, Angel? Buffy got shot; Layne got shot. What do I do now? Keep going until Kira gets shot, too? How 'bout Willow? Do I stop then? God, is this crap all worth it anyway? Who cares? Look around, no one gives a rat's ass. People still treat each other like shit. Why should I care? What good am I doing here? All I see is my friends hurt, and nothing, not a damned thing to show for it!

" Did I lie to you, Faith?" A familiar voice , almost next to her ear, whispers, " Did I tell you it was going to be easy?"

Faith's eyes fly open, and she turns, looking straight into the Angel's dark, intense eyes. He grins, and she nearly faints.

" Hey, hey… not here…" Helping her up, they walk out into the hall.

Recovering quickly, she backs off. Her tone is less than friendly.

" Ok, who the hell are you? A shape shifting demon? What is this? Some kind of new torture?" Almost by instinct, her stance turns defensive.

" Well, it's good to see you too, Faith, " Angel, with a small smile, approaches her.

" Don't even get closer, " Faith growls, " I'll break your neck before you can blink."

" Ok, ok, don't get hostile, Faith," Angel puts up his hands, stopping, " I mean, I get it. I'm dead and you can't believe I'm really here. Ok, fine. Anyone ever tell you, you've got some real trust issues to work out?"

" Do you think I'm a moron? I know Angel died… well, ceased to exist, when he fought the hordes Wolfram and Hart sent after him. So, who are you? Not the first, cuz your physical… and we sealed it up in the hellmouth. What are you?"

" I'm Angel, Faith. Ok, I don't live HERE anymore" he indicates around, " but I still exist… just on another plane. But I can see that convincing you of that is going to take a lot more time than I've got. Took pulling a lot of strings to let me make a guest appearance here. PtB aren't real fond of messing with reality. But they owed me a couple, so … here I am."

" Look, whoever the fuck you are, it's not gonna work, ok? Don't even bother, don't waste your time. " Faith starts to walk past Angel, moving to leave the hospital, " I gave up on being rescued long time ago."

" Like you gave up on me, Faith?" Angel asks, quietly, " When I became Angelus again, to learn more about The Beast, I know you wouldn't let anything stop you from helping me. Not prison, not Connor, not even your life."

Faith stops, and turns, " I owed Angel… that's all. He never gave up on me, either."

" Not your life, Faith. You didn't owe me your life. I know you took Orpheus to stop Angelus, and it nearly killed you. I remember we shared that dream journey together. You saw my life with a soul, while having to be with the demon. I remember that alley, at the end, when I told you to get out, and you stayed. You kept fighting for me. You did leave, finally, in time to keep Connor from staking me. I know that, Faith. I'm just returning the favor now."

Faith is standing stock still. Her expression is neutral… there is no way to see the emotions she's feeling, except her hands are shaking. A lot.

" Angel?" Faith says in a low, dry voice. Half of her wants to run to him, but half is still wary.

Angel doesn't say anything. He just smiles that goofy, self effacing smile of his.

The walls break, and Faith runs to him, nearly knocking him over when she hugs him. Angel, bemused, just folds his arms about her.

" Whoa, ease up, Faith. What is it about you slayers?" Angel is almost laughing, " You're going to crack a rib if you keep hugging me so tightly!"

" Sorry, god… Angel… but… you… this … it's all wrong!" For a second, she tenses up. Then she relaxes. " Don't care, I just need it to be real right now."

" I'm as real as you need me to be," Angels says, holding her quietly. " So, how's the gang?"

Faith looks up at him, and a smirk forms on her face, " Don't you mean, how's Buffy?"

" Busted, I guess, " Angel smiles, " never could put it over on you."

" She's fine. She… had a bad patch for awhile, but she's getting better now…"

" That wouldn't be about that obsession she has with you….now would it?"

" Huh.. hey, how did you know…?"

" Ummm.. on higher plane, sure, but we still get the news you know" Angels smiles ruefully, " anyway, anybody with eyes could see she had a thing about you all the way back when you first showed up in Sunnydale…"

" You didn't think I would've like to know this… why?" Faith gets a little testy. _Wise assed Vampire with a soul._

"Well, if you remember, I was having my own thing with Buffy at the time, then you went all evil and shot me with that killer arrow… kind of makes you not wanting to start meaningful dialogues." Faith looks at him with arched brow." Ok, ok, I was a little jealous, too. I mean, I was with Buffy first…". Angel puts on his best broody face.

" My god, are you EVER going to get over her?" Faith shakes her head in amazement. She looks at him closely, " nope. Thinking not." She gets a wicked smile on her face, " B is so gonna freak when she sees you…"

Angel shakes his head.

" What?"

" I'm not here for long, Faith. I've got to go back… I just came because, well, frankly, you looked like you needed someone to talk to…"

Faith immediately closes up. " I'm fine, Angel. I've got it under control."

" I see. That's why it sounded like you were ready to quit back there?"

" What? I don't get to have doubts now?"

" That was more than doubts, Faith. I know . I've been there. You're feeling all alone, right? Isolated, like no one cares. You're thinking why am I even doing this? Who am I helping, anyway? And really, what does it matter? People will go on being crappy to each other, no matter what I do. Evil isn't going away, it's here to stay. So why should I even fight?"

" Did anyone ever tell you that a person's private thoughts are just that… private?" Faith sounds irritated.

" You think you're the first one to feel that way? I had those same thoughts, and a lot more, when I was alive… running Wolfram and Hart. All the compromise, the half truths. The paranoia. Who can you trust, who can't you trust? Making deals to do good, and having some evil just get worse. Two steps forward, one step back. Sometimes the other way around. I was on Autopilot, Faith. But inside, I was feeling really empty."

" Ummm… we're not going to like talk about God and Jesus and you start trying to like baptize me or anything, are we?"

" Uh… no." Angel gets a half grin, " but someone very close, who cared about me, used up a favor to remind me what it was all about, why I was fighting…"

Faith looks at him questioningly.

" Doesn't really matter now who it was, Faith, " Angel deflects, " the important thing is it came at just the right time. So, now that you're kind of where I was… I owe you that, Faith."

" Look, big guy, I appreciate the concern and all, but I haven't lost my way. I'm doing good here, and I'll get through this…" suddenly a thought occurs to her, " I'm going to get through this, right?"

" Not a gypsy, Faith. I don't do fortunes. Not my thing, " Angel puts up his hands, " I'm only here to remind you what it's about."

" Well, again, thanks anyway, but I know why I'm doing this, so… you can go back and sit around strumming harps, or whatever it is you're doing these days…"

" Why are you doing this, Faith?" Angel asks, calmly.

" Well, duh. Prophecy girl, remember? Lead the pack, road to rightness, all that stuff…"

" No, Faith, that isn't what I meant. Why are YOU doing it, Faith?" Angel is patient. " What's it mean to you?"

" To me?" Faith puzzles it over for a minute, or so. " It means, well… It's my redemption, you know? My way of making it up…for being you know a killer? On the good guy's team now, gotta fight the bad guys. And hey, I want lots of firepower against the baddies, ok? I mean, this is my shot to make it right, right?"

Angel sighs. " We talked about that, remember, Faith? Making it up? Not the point."

Faith looks confused. She thinks some more. " I owe it to you, Angel. I need to do this, because, you never gave up on me. Even when I tried to kill you, and Buffy came looking for my head on a pike, you believed in me. You fought this fight, and I now I've got to keep at it. Keep it alive. Because, I owe you, and I know it's what you'd want."

Angel smiles." That's very sweet, Faith. And very wrong."

Faith shakes her head impatiently. " Ok, smart guy, you tell me, then."

" Faith, I can't tell you the reason, or it's no good. You've got to figure it out on your own," Angel reaches out to her, " but I'll give you a hint. It has to do with waking up in the morning, and looking at yourself in the mirror…ok, for me, bad analogy, but you get my point. Every day you wake up, and you have a choice. You can live your life as if you don't know what's happening. You can give in to evil, accept it, and be done. Or , you can live it as if it counts. It's your choice, Faith. No one can choose for you." Angels' expression turns grim, " Evil is never going away. Not completely. As long as humans are human, evil will have a home in some hearts. All you can do is live your life as if each day counts. As if what you do matters, in some small way. You can't destroy evil, but you can surely give it a big headache." Angel sees Faith's expression , and continues, " look, Faith, it's never easy. The choices you make are never going to be black and white. It's all gray, well…mostly, anyway. Sometimes you'll do things that seem … wrong at first. But it's here, " Angel points at her heart, " here where you'll know it's right. That your choice was right. Sometimes you'll slip, sometimes you'll fall. But if you really believe in what you're doing, you'll get back up again, and keep fighting. The whys you'll find in your heart. If you really listen to it. Find out what's important, and make it count."

"Well, that was… vague, " Faith says with a sarcastic edge, " I'm really not getting it here."

" Not now, but you will." Angel says. " You will."

" So that's it, then? Figure it out?" Faith looks at him intensely, " that was the big pep talk? Ummm… not very peppy!"

" I've told you everything you need to know, Faith. That's all I can do." Angel returns her gaze.

"What?"

" Hey, you! Miss? What're you doing here?" The security guard comes running down the hall. " No one's supposed to be here at this hour!"

" Umm… Hey, we were just visiting a friend… we'll go." Faith says.

" What 'we', miss?" The guard says, stopping in front of her, " I only see you here."

" Are you legally blind, pal?" Faith says," or do 6 foot guys just fall off you radar?" Faith turns around and sees Angel's gone. " Uhhh, ok, he was here a minute ago…"

" Of course he was, Miss." The security guard says, a fixed expression on his face. " Why don't you come with me now, and we'll come find your little friend later?"

" He was right…" but Faith can see the guard's expression, and gives up, " Ok, I'll go…never mind, I was here all by myself. Just kidding with you, you know?"

" Very amusing, miss. But I'm afraid you're still where your not supposed to be, and I'll be showing you out now!" The guard gently takes her elbow and steers her towards the elevators.

Faith allows herself to be led out. As they wait for the elevator, she looks back at the spot where Angel was standing. Her brow furrows. The doors to the elevators open, and the guard escorts her in.

The last thing we see is Faith's puzzled expression as the doors close.

* * *

Los Angeles, CA.

Hyperion Hotel

" Will ! This is great! This is perfect!"

Buffy, excited, gets up and walks over to Willow, giving her a big hug, " You're the man, Will !"

Willow doesn't feel like ' the man'. She doesn't feel like anything, except maybe like the big fat loser that's going to let everyone done. Like always. She smiles tightly at the others.

It's a couple of hours later, after the little blow up with Kira, and the subsequent smooching in the garden. Willow, Buffy and Kira are back in the lobby, discussing ways to help Faith. Kira has come around, and is actively participating in the discussion.

Willow has revealed the findings of her research. Menoch's hope has one weakness, as told to her by Layne, and confirmed in her own research. The stone is the key; destroy the stone, and the power of the amulet is destroyed. But there's more. Evidently, the amulet itself is linked to the wearer when first put on. His own life force is channeled through the stone, increased as more and more of the opponent's life force is taken. This is part of its power, but it has a down side, a big one. IF the stone is destroyed, there's a good possibility that the wearer will be gravely injured, or worse.

This little factoid casts a small cloud over the group's excitement. None of them like the idea that they might be responsible for a human's death. Buffy finally speaks up.

" Look, guys, you know I'm not all happy about this, any more than you are. I've been in the position where I've taken life… it's not something I do with a song in my heart and dancing in the fields. But, hey, we didn't ask them to cheat. And they're cheating. We didn't set up this situation; they did. I know, taking a life is bad. But I hate the alternative worse, don't you?"

" I agree, Buffy," Kira says, a little sadly, " they aren't following the Marquis of Queensbury's rules here. They've got to take the consequences."

" That still doesn't make it right," Willow says, staring at her hands.

Sensing her friend's distress, Buffy goes over and sits next to her, putting an arm around her shoulder. She lifts Willow's chin.

" Hey, Will, this is me, ok? I know this is really tough for you, especially for you. After what happened to Warren." She hugs Willow, " I know how bad you feel about what happened with Warren. I know it's hard to live with. But this is different, honey, honestly. If we don't do something, Faith will probably die. Her chances are real slim unless we do something. I don't want to say this, but she'll die, and it'll be on our hands because we didn't do anything."

" How could you know what I feel, Buffy? You never killed anyone…"

"What about Ted?"

" Ted was a robot, Buffy. He wasn't real."

" Ford was real, " Buffy says, quietly.

For a minute, Willow doesn't recognize the name. Then it hits her. Ford. Billy Fordham, Buffy's friend from L.A. that came to Sunnydale.

" But he … he betrayed you, Buffy. He nearly got you killed. He tried to turn you over to Spike and Co. so they could kill you!" Willow feels for her friend, but it's not the same, " anyway, you didn't kill him, they did! The vampires!"

" I let him die, Will. I could've gotten him out. I had Drusilla, Spike knew I'd kill her. I could've forced them to bring him up, I could've saved him. But I was hurt and angry, Will. I hated what he did to me, even though I knew he was dying. I hated that he used me, and our friendship, that way. So, I didn't save him. I let them kill him. It's the same as if I did it myself."

" He tried to have you killed, Buffy!"

" And Warren killed Tara. Even if he didn't mean to, he still killed her."

" But I killed him with my own hands. I …"

Kira is listening to the two of them in utter amazement. She never knew about this aspect of their lives. She can see the pain and guilt they feel, and her heart aches for the both of them. _After all they've done to save the world, after all they've given up, and they still feel remorse over this._ Kira sighs to herself._ Being a hero? Not so easy._

" Willow, you were insane with rage and grief. I'm not trying to excuse what you did. Killing someone? Never a good thing. Never. But you can't stay stuck in that place, not forever. Look at Faith. She's killed more people than you, and for reasons that weren't nearly as justified. Do you think it's been a walk in candy land for her? She's accepted what she's done, and she's learned to live with it. Not easily, I'm sure. But she's strong, Willow, and so are you. You've got to find a way to get past this, and deal. We don't have big choices here. You know that."

"I'm trying, Buffy, I really am trying, " Willow cries, " but I can't…I just can't get past it… I can't do this…"

Buffy senses there's something Willow's not telling. Something she's hiding. She pulls a bluff.

" It happened again, didn't it?" Buffy says, her tone growing hard.

"What?" Willow looks up, guilt written all over her face. Buffy knows.

" You went dark again, didn't you Will? You used the magic, and you went dark."

" No… Buffy… not …no…I…" Willow breaks down. " Not while I was doing it, after… when you found me…I , oh god, Buffy, I saw myself start to change… " Willow is shaking.

" So, you couldn't let it alone, right Will? You just had to use it again, didn't you?"

" Buffy, you don't understand, she wouldn't tell me about Faith. She was being a real…"

" Then you call her a bitch. You don't scare her with dark forces, Will," Buffy's almost on top of Willow now, grinding it in.

" Let her alone, Buffy!" Willow gets support from an unexpected front: Kira.

" Kira, stay out of it. I know Willow and what she can become a lot better than you do," Buffy snaps.

" Granted. But I know my sister a lot better than you do, Buffy Summers, and I know exactly what SHE can do… And I'm pretty sure she was doing it to Willow."

" I said, butt out, Kira." Buffy turns to Willow, " So, now, you're scared of what you've become, again. And you're just going to retreat back into weak, helpless Willow mode, right? When we need you, you're going to let us down. You're going to let Faith die… because YOU don't have any self control… right, Willow?"

" I'm sorry, Buffy, I'm really sorry!" Willow cries out.

" You're not sorry. You don't give a rat's patootie, Will. Faith might die, and all you care about is you. Well, boo hoo, Willow Rosenberg…"

Buffy would've gone on, but she was blindsided by a furious Kira. She finds herself on the floor, looking up into intensely smoking mad gray eyes.

"What the hell is your problem. Can't you see she's sorry? Why're you bullying her like that. God, I didn't know about this side of you, Buffy. If I did, I don't know if I would've…"

Kira would've gone on, but suddenly she finds herself flying through the air, along with Buffy. Both women find themselves pinned to a lobby wall.

Willow is standing up, arms raised. Her eyes aren't black, but they're definitely angry.

" BE QUIET! BOTH OF YOU!" She shouts, her face flushed red.

"What in the hell…" Kira exclaims, trying to struggle free… but she can't even see what's holding her. She looks over, and stops. Instead of struggling, Buffy is next to her, grinning like an idiot.

" Do you really think I'm stupid, Buffy Summers? Do you think I don't know what you were doing? Trying to piss me off so I'd get angry and stop whining?" Willow looks at her sideways, " Well, dammit, it worked. Now the both of you, stop this fighting. We've got work to do!" She gestures and says something, and both women float back to the ground. Buffy starts over towards Willow, but Kira stands where she is, shaken.

Buffy looks back, and waves to Kira. " C'mon, Willow's ok. Trust me, this isn't even close to evil Willow. Sometimes when she gets like that, you just got to get her mad enough to break out of it." Buffy turns and grins at Willow. " I did my homework on Willowosity 101."

" No thanks," Kira says, softly, " I think I'm just fine right here."

" Willow, you scared her, " Buffy chastises Willow.

" Awww, I'm sorry, " Willow says." Look in your hand, Kira."

Kira, wary, looks down, and opens her palm. Lying there is the most perfect rosebud she's ever seen. Right before her eyes, it opens, into a beautiful golden colored rose. It seems to glow. Shaking a little, she holds it to her nose. In her mind she sees her home, back in Ireland. It's summer, and the fields are green, full of flowers. She can feel the dew on the grass, and smell the soft sweet scent of the flowers. She feels the sunshine on her face, and an intensely happy feeling flows through her.

" It's called the bloom of sweet memories. Any time you need to feel a little better, just hold it to your nose, and a happy memory will be recalled." Willow approaches her, smiling. " I'm really sorry, I didn't mean to scare you."

" Thank you," Kira smells the rose again, and another memory of a happy day flows through her, " it's so beautiful." As she watches, the rose changes back into a bud. "What happened?"

" It senses your mood. Once you're calm, it reverts to its sleeping state. Keeps you from using it all the time. It's only for times when you really need it."

Kira, touched to her heart, hugs Willow. She whispers softly into her ear, " I can understand why Faith loves you so much." She feels Willow start to shake, and hears her quiet sobs. " Hey… hey… it's ok. She'll be ok. We'll see to that."

" I know… I just wish… that things hadn't been so bad when she left. She…must feel so alone…"

" Shhh… don't. Faith's not a fool. She knows you love her. "

" I just wish I could see her and tell her that…"

" You will. I promise, you will."

"Hey, guys? I really hate to poop on the party here, but we've got a lot to do. Is touchy-feely time over now?" Buffy, standing at the other side of the lobby, calls out.

Willow looks at Kira. Kira looks at Willow. They exchange a smile. Turning, they start towards Buffy.

Buffy, suddenly getting a clue as to what they're up to, starts to back towards the garden exit.

" Oh no… oh, no you don't." She says. Turning, she runs out the garden door.

" You come back here, Buffy Summers!" Kira calls out , as she and Willow chase after her.

* * *

Ireland

County Limerick

St. Camillus Hospital

2 days later.

Layne Hearne opens her eyes. Sitting next to her bedside is Faith, looking pale and a little worried. The room is dark except for a small lamp in her headboard.

" You!" Layne says, and coughs. " What're you doing here?" Her expression is a little grim.

" A lot of people are worried about you, Layne Hearne. Getting shot is kind of a big deal. They want to know how you're doing."

" I'm hanging in there. But that still doesn't tell me. What're YOU doing here?" Layne looks around, and winces. " Matter of fact, what'm I doing here? I figured I be strumming a harp somewhere by now."

" Yeah, well, I'm the one who found you. Guess I feel responsible for you now, god knows why." Faith makes a face, " anyway, I would've been here sooner, but … well, things are a little crazy right now."

" Indeed. Things. Lehane things, I presume, " Layne says, a brittle quality to her voice. She turns her head away from Faith." So, am I fired, then?"

" Huh?"

" Ok, you aren't the sharpest needle on the pine tree , are you Faith? Fired. As in terminated, without position, between jobs, you know, unemployed?"

" I know what fired is, Layne. _Why_ would I be firing you, Layne?"

" Oh, I dunno. Going against you at the board meeting a few days back. Doing things to make your position weaker. Maybe puttin' that shiv in your back… those sound good?"

" Oh, I see. You disagree with me, so I fire you then?" Faith is only half kidding.

" Oh, I did more than disagree with you, Faith."

" I know. You kind of actively campaigned to get my ass in a sling, right? Well, not saying I'm not totally pissed at you. Wanting maybe to knock you around a little. Would've been real nice if you respected me and came to me with your concerns. Fire you. Hmmm… novel concept. Have to think on that." Faith pauses for a moment. " So, what's the deal? Why didn't you come to me?"

" You're the clever one, aren't you? You figure it out."

" Oh. Maybe because you think I got your job?" Faith smirks. " You think I'm that stupid, Layne? Never mind, I already know the answer."

Layne looks at her, surprised.

" Oh yeah, I know Layne. You thought you had a lock on being head of the clan…til that pesky prophecy and I interfered, right?"

" I should've had it. It was mine. It was mine by rights. I was born into it. What're you, but some interfering American half breed ? You come here, thinkin' you can change everything around. Who're you to tell me what's right?"

" I'm your boss."

Layne just stares at her, lips tight.

" So, is that why you did it, Layne? Is that why you sicced the Triad on me?"

Layne doesn't say a word, just stares.

" I know you're part of it, Layne. Don't try to lie to me. I've done some checking around while you've been in here. So, I'm asking again…and believe me, what you say counts. Is that why you sicced the triad on me? Is that why a close friend of mine got shot, oh… and why I've had a few assassination attempts on me while I've been here? "

" It wasn't supposed to go like that. I didn't want you dead, only out. But some elements of the Triad felt that wasn't enough… and they took matters into their own hands."

" But, you just kept quiet, didn't bother to like, warn me?"

" I didn't know what they were up to until after. Honestly, Faith. I didn't. When I learned they were gunning for you…that's why I invited you into my home. I figured they'd back off at that. And they did. But again, I didn't know they had other plans for you…"

"What're you talking about?" Faith asks.

" What? Didn't your friends get ahold of you?" Layne exclaims. " I told the witch everything."

" Willow? You told Willow? What did you tell Willow?" Faith leans closer, " What is this all about."

" I told her about the Cammaragh. Told her to warn you off. Didn't she tell you?"

" I haven't been anywhere she could reach me. I can't go back to your place, it's a crime scene. It's sealed off. And hotels? Not feeling real safe there… wonder why that is?" Faith's tone is sarcastic, " frankly, I've only been to Lehane and here… sleeping mostly here."

" Damn, " Layne mutters. She turns to Faith." The Cammaragh. You've got to stop it. You can't go through with it. Not now. It's rigged, girl. That's what I was trying to warn them about when…"

"When?"

" When they shot me. The Triad. Well, Sean to be specific. He shot me, right after I got done talking to the Witch."

" Shot you? Your own people shot you?" Faith looks at her sideways," there's almost an ironic justice in that."

" They shot me… he shot me, because he didn't like that I spilt the beans about his plans."

"What plans?"

Briefly, Layne explains Sean's plans about the Cammaragh. Faith listens silently, her face a mask.

" … so you see, you've got to stop it. You can't go through with it. Not now. You don't have a chance."

Faith's face is grim. She stands up. She looks down on Layne.

" It's too late, I can't back out now. I've got to go through with it."

" Too late? Why? When is it?"

" Tomorrow morning."

" Damn, " Layne curses, " Faith, I never meant for it to go this far…"

Faith is almost at the door of the room when she turns.

" Layne, I wouldn't be worrying so much about me right now."

" What do you mean?"

" You called Willow a witch, so I'm assuming she did something to you to make that fact known to you."

" Er… yeah." Layne winces a little at the memory.

" Well, if you believe in a god, you better pray to it now. Pray that I make it through this. Otherwise…" Faith trails off, and looks at Layne with some pity.

" What?"

" You don't want to know what she did to the person who killed her last girlfriend ."

With that, Faith turns and walks out of the room.

The door closes behind her, on a very scared looking Layne.

* * *

To be continued. 


	27. Part 27

Independence

By Norwalker

Part 27 of

Summary: What did Willow and Faith discuss in that little car trip from L.A. to Sunnydale in season 7? And what were the consequences? A Willow/ Faith story

Rating: R, Very R

Category: romance/drama/angst

Spoilers: Possible season 7 spoilers. Possible season 4 Angel spoilers. C'mon, you must have seen 'em by now!

Time Line: Mid season 7(after the return of Faith) and beyond

Disclaimer: Joss Whedon , Mutant Enemy and Fox own them.

Warnings: Adult themes, violence, sexual situations between members of the same gender. Please be aware, character death is always a distinct possibility. It can happen here, so don't say I didn't warn you! Any racist remarks are spoken by the characters, and are in no way shared by the author. This story is not meant for children.

* * *

Ireland 

County Limerick

Early morning

The day dawns pretty much has it has since time began.

The sun rises in the east. Everywhere life can feel the kiss of the new day, the warmth of the sun replacing the coolness of the night. Dew laden greenery sparkles like gems scattered in the morning light, and light and shadow do their inevitable dance across the landscape. Families rush through the early morning, trying to get to their lives, parents going to work and worrying about the kids; kids going to school avoiding yet some more rules and stuff from parents. People work, laze, help others, and cheat others; love, hate and all the rest. The sky doesn't burn, the sun doesn't explode, the earth doesn't tremble. Pretty much an average day worldwide.

Faith is running down the path to the hotel, sweating lightly from the exertion in the early morning hours. She's run for nearly an hour , starting before sunup. Her lungs feel hot, and she feels the delicious burn in her muscles. Slowing her pace as she approaches, she finally walks to bring her muscles and lungs into cool down.

Pacing around to keep from cramping up, she realizes this may be her last run, ever. She looks around, and feels the tiniest disappointment that everything looks so normal. Panting from her run, she watches as people leave their houses as usual, making their way to the jobs and lives. Traffic is light but getting heavier, as it usually does. She feels no uniqueness about today; no heightened perceptions, no portents. No thunder and lightning or dark clouds in the sky. No fire erupting from the earth, no eclipse to mark this morning. Nothing.

She walks through the hotel lobby, and no one stops to stare at her. No one recognizes her, she's just another hotel guest. As she approaches the elevator, someone behind her rushes up to her. _Finally! Someone gets it!_

" Ms. Lehane? I have a message for you, " the clerk on duty hands her a slip of paper. " Your car will be here at 7.30 am sharp to pick you up."

" Thank you, ummm… Henry, " She says, looking at his name tag. He turns and walks back to the reception desk.

As usual.

She walks into the lift, and watches as the gates close on her, and rides up to her room. All the time she's puzzling it all out.

_So where is it? Where's all the fireworks and to-do that's supposed to portend important times? I mean, isn't this sort of part of the prophecy? Where're the rivers of fire, the crumbling mountains; all the crap they feed you that's supposed to signal a prophecy is happening? God, I might've run my last time, and nothing. All I got was a hitch in my side, and some sweat. No great revelations. No keen insights into the human, or demon, condition. Nada. Nothing. No voices, no trumpets sounding the end, no visitations by angels… ok, well, none today, anyway. This could be the last dawn I ever see. This probably will be the last time I walk down to my fucking room in this place. From what Layne told me last night, I'll probably get my fucking head chopped off, and hey, I still don't get the meaning of life. So what the hell is this all about anyway? Why the fuck are we even struggling if this is all there is? _She stops in the hall, and looks around. _This is it, huh? This is my big fucking destiny? This is all there is? What's the big deal about, anyway? Where's the flaming sword, pointing the way? It's a joke, ya know? One big fucking joke, that's all I can figure._

Shrugging at the ordinariness of it all, she lets herself into her room, and heads for the shower. Dropping her clothes on the floor, she steps in the shower and turns on the water, feeling the icy little knives turn into warm fingers massaging her now achy muscles. Turning around slowly in the shower, she luxuriates in the feel of the warm water hitting her body. This is one of her sweetest pleasures, taking a warm long shower. She loves the feel as the needles of water hit her skin, stimulating her. It relaxes her, soothes her; she feels the tension washing off her body and down the drain. Reaching for the soap, she lathers up richly, enjoying even the rather generic scent of the soap as she spreads it over herself. A happy little sigh escapes her, and for a second she forgets everything but the water hitting her. She is definitely a water baby, now and forever. The only thing that would please her more would be a long soak in the tub; but there's no time for that now.

Trying to stretch the moment as long as possible, she lets the water just wash over her. It's perfect; well, almost perfect. The only thing that would make it perfect if Willow were here, sharing the shower with her. An ache balloons in her chest, and she feels as if someone just kicked her in the stomach. _God, I miss Red so fucking much. _She fights to push down the tears. She can't break down now, not now. But it hurts, really hurts. _I'm never gonna see her again! I'm never gonna hold her again, kiss her again, never touch her again! God, I hate that more than anything. Never see her smile, never see her eyes, none of it. All gone, all fucking gone._ For a moment, she stands there, unmoving, as the realization sinks in. _God, I'm such a dope. I left her angry with me, left her standing there, staring at me like she couldn't believe I ever felt anything for her. I saw the hurt in her eyes, and I just turned and walked away. Walked away, cold as an ice queen, when all the time I wanted to turn around and grab her up and hold her, assure her everything was ok, she was great, I loved her to death, nothing had changed. But I didn't. I pushed her away. I had to, or I never would've done it. I would've run, dragging her with me. I had to push her away, had to, had to!_ Faith starts to pound on the shower wall. _Had to, it's for the best. She can… hate me, whatever, but she'll get on with her life now, live, Goddammit, live She's safe, she's gotta be safe, she's safe now. She'll be ok, I know it. Now that…shit, shit, shit, shit!_ Faith starts to pound harder on the wall, cracking the tile. _SHIT, SHIT, SHIT, SHIT, SHIT!_

Starting to sob, she keeps pounding on the wall. Finally, her legs give out under her, and she sits down hard on the debris. Not caring, her heart breaking, she sits there, crying as the shower water turns cold._ I'm gonna die. Fuck me, I'm gonna die! I don't wanna die, not now. Not when things can be so fucking good. Not now, I don't wanna die!_ She sits there, head down, cold water washing over her, crying. Feeling alone, isolated, hidden away in some anonymous hotel in a strange land. Alone.

When she looks up, her expression has changed. She's angry, her eyes fiery, her mouth in a scowl. She stands up quickly, and turns off the water.

" FUCK YOU!" She yells, defiantly, her heart beating fast in her chest. " FUCK YOU! I'M NOT SOME FUCKING WEEPY BABY YOU CAN JUST PUSH AROUND. I'M NOT GONNA CRAWL AWAY WITH MY TAIL BETWEEN MY LEGS. YOU WANNA FIGHT, BABY, WE'RE GONNA FIGHT. I MIGHT LOSE, BUT YOU'RE SO GONNA KNOW YOU FOUGHT FAITH. YOU'RE GONNA WISH YOU NEVER DID!"

She nearly leaps out of the shower, grabbing a towel off the hook. Drying off, she walks to the mirror, and stops. Something… she felt something. Something wonderful and strange and… wonderful. She looks around.

" Red?" She asks, in a small voice. Then she shakes her head. _Naw, now that's just stupid!_ She stops by the mirror to comb her hair, and she has the overwhelming feeling of being held._ What in the hell? _Shaking it off, she walks into the room to dress. But she can't quite get over the feeling._ Weird, too weird. I'm going crazy now, too. Just great!_

Looking in her closet, she pauses. "What in hell do you wear to a fight to the death, huh?" Cursing under her breath, she grabs a purple tank top and a pair of jeans. She grabs her motorcycle boots, and walks out. Dressing quickly, she ties her hair behind her in a ponytail, and walks over to the mirror. She looks in the mirror, and steps back a step.

" Aw crap, just what I need. You." She grumbles , seeing her demon half reflected in the mirror.

Alt-Faith leans against an imaginary wall, giving her the once over. She smirks.

"Well, at least you're finally breakin' out of that " Ms. Corporate Executive " look you been sportin, babe. Tell ya, it was making me puke." Alt-Faith mimes a finger down the throat. Faith makes a face. " Oh, please, you've had bigger things down there." She leers suggestively.

" What the fuck do you want, anyway? Don't I got enough crap going on without you showing up?" Faith complains.

" Hey, gotta tell ya. You're lookin' pretty hot all toned up, Faith, " Alt-Faith gives her the once over, again, " I thinkin' if you weren't me, I'd do ya."

" Hey, if you're just gonna act like the slut you are, can we do this later… like, after I'm dead?"

" Aw, now, don't be that way, Faithy, " Alt-Faith grins, " I'm just here to play cheerleader, ya know? Give you the pep talk and all that crappola."

" Yeah, like I need a Knute Rockne from you, ya know?"

" Not exactly seeing a cheering section for you anywhere around, Faithy" Alt-Faith mocks, " Where's your bestest buddies, girlfriend? Off havin' their nails done?"

" Fuck off."

" Face it Faith, I'm it. I'm the one who'll never desert ya, get it? When everything screwed up, I'm gonna be with ya, fightin' with ya. Not because I like ya so much, but hey, I gotta live too. Pretty powerful reason, don't ya think? So, don't be blowin' me off, bitch."

" Yeah, you've been such a great help to me so far, I'm noticing. Not!" Faith dismisses her, and turns her back.

Alt-Faith reaches out from the mirror, and pulls Faith back.

" Don't you ever turn your back on me, got it? I'm the best part of you, like it or not. This is the day, bitch. Day to prove that you're more than just words, and without me? You're gonna last like maybe 2 minutes, tops."

Faith reaches back, and grabs Alt-Faith's wrist, twisting it. She turns around, twisting the arm so Alt-Faith sinks to her knees.

" I guess listening isn't one of your strengths, huh?" Faith says, sneering at her alter ego, " I told you to fuck off!"

" Hey, you're hurtin' me, " Alt-Faith whines. Then she grins, " I like it!" Before Faith can think, Alt-Faith has grabbed her arm and twists it. Now it's Faith on her knees, in front of the mirror. Alt-Faith reaches out, and slaps her. It feels like a slab of concrete hitting her. Faith glares up at her.

" You think all the toning and conditioning's gonna make a rat's ass today?" Alt-Faith sneers at her. She grabs Faith and forces her to her feet. " What you need, babe, is to want it. Want it bad. Want it so bad you can't think of nothin' else. Not sweet little Red, not Bleach Blonde Beach Bimbo Buffy, not nothin. Got it?" Alt-Faith jabs her in the gut. " You gotta want it here, feel the fire here. Nice abs, by the way."

" I want it…" Faith says through clenched jaws.

" Really? Cuz I'm wonderin' why you're goin' around actin' like you're already dusted." Alt-Faith twists Faith's arm, causing Faith to grimace." Think that hurts? Whattya think a blade through the gut's gonna feel like? Worse than that pig sticker Buffy used on you, baby." Alt-Faith leans in, whispering into Faith's ear. " Listen to me, you little sow, get the fire goin, bitch. I'm so not ready to die yet, and I'm not lettin' you take me out, get it? Get that fire in the belly, babe. Get it goin' fast. Don't be such a wimp. Fight, bitch, get it up. Get a pair and kick some ass here."

Faith feels a wave of icy anger go through her. Pretending to weaken, she leans over, and then rolls Alt-Faith over her shoulder, pulling her out of the mirror, and throwing her to the floor. She brings her boot down on her neck.

" Listen to me, bitch, once and for all. Fuck off!" Faith brings her booted foot in contact with Alt-Faith's ribs. " I'm tired of everybody tellin' me what to do, what I want, all that crap." Faith kicks her alter-ego again." IF I didn't want this, I wouldn't be her, you slut. So, shut up and stop naggin' at me." Faith kicks her a few more times for good measure.

Alt-Faith begins to laugh. In a moment, she's on her feet. Her eyes are glowing red.

" Oh yeah, baby, that's what I need. That anger. Where's it been hidin? Yeah, I think maybe you got some guts after all."

Before Faith's eyes, Alt-Faith begins to change. Her smile becomes broader, as her teeth sharpen. Her eyes are glowing coals of black and red, and her body lengthens and bulks up. Her hands change to claws.

" Yeah, I'm thinkin' you're ready for me now, bitch. Really ready for me now." Alt-Faith says, her voice low and guttural. She literal walks into Faith, melding with her as their bodies meet. Faith is glowing with a dark red glow, and her eyes change to red and black. She can feel the power coursing through her. She closes her eyes, and revels in the feeling, for a moment everything else forgotten.

" So, babe, " Alt-Faith says in Faith's mind. " Feelin' pretty good?"

" Oh yeah," Faith says, her grin inhuman and scary. " Feelin' real good."

" Ready to kick some ass?"

" Oh yeah"

* * *

Ireland 

County Limerick

St. Camillus hospital

Much earlier that morning

Layne stares out through the darkened window.

Sleep came fitfully, ever since Faith's visit. Even the drugs the nurses gave her didn't keep her asleep.

Her mind, her dreams are keeping her awake. Over and over, she sees the fight to come in the morning. Over and over, she sees Faith lying on the ground, bleeding, dying.

Although she certainly doesn't love Faith, and although she doesn't understand her, she doesn't want her death, either. All she ever wanted was what was rightfully hers: leadership of the clan. But Aaron's prophecy had put the kibosh on that, and she worked to bring her down. But not to kill her. That was never her plan.

Yet, she didn't object when the Triad took Faith on as a personal cause.

She didn't object when the talk became more radical, more violent.

And when they planned her death in the Cammaragh, she remained silent.

Might as well have loaded the gun myself and shot her. Would've been kinder, and quicker.

Tomorrow, in front of witnesses, she knows Faith will die. And it will be at least partly her fault. Faith's blood will be on her hands.

She finally understands Lady Macbeth's Dilemma. _No matter how you try, no matter what you do, you can't wash the stain off your soul. The blood is always right there, taunting you, haunting you. Until it drives you quite mad._

Her problem is, that the Triad has already tried to kill her. Even if she can somehow help Faith, her life's forfeit. One betrayal, as long as it doesn't interfere, they might overlook( _after shooting me, of course_). But another? She doubts it.

She has to figure that she is dead if she does anything more.

But can she live with the guilt if she doesn't?

So, either lay back, and do nothing, and let the chips fall as they will. Or ring for the nurse, for a phone. To call Kira, to warn her, to get her to somehow find help for Faith. Maybe get the witch involved.

Layne shudders. She remembers Faith's parting words to her.

" You don't want to know what she did to the person who killed her last girlfriend."

She remembers all too well what she did when she was irritated with her.

What would she do if she got really angry?

Lay back. Or call the nurse?

Layne rang for the nurse.

* * *

Los Angeles, CA. 

Late evening

Kira puts down the phone, looking a little pale.

Buffy and Willow discussing the best way to put their plan in action, look up and note her expression. Buffy comes over to her.

" What's going on, Kira. You look like you just … what is it?"

Kira looks at Buffy, eyes wide. She remains silent, trying to process what Layne just told her. Buffy starts to get a little worried.

" Kira, who was that? What's going on?" Buffy says a little more harshly than she meant. " Sorry, baby, just with everything so hinky right now, I'm kinda feeling edgy…"

" That was Layne. She called to tell me that the Cammaragh is being held tomorrow… no, wait" She looks at her watch and does some mental calculations, " With the time difference, it'll be about midnight here."

"What?" Willow, catching the last part, sounds a little panicked." Midnight, that's like 3 hours from now. that's not enough time… we… can't be prepared by then." Willow paces a little, " I need more time!"

" Will, we don't have more time, " Buffy starts to catch Willow's mood, getting slightly nervy. " We've got to do it now!"

" I need stuff, Buffy! I got most of the stuff, but I need an Asher's Eye crystal. And a lot more conjuring powder, and some herbs… where am I gonna get that stuff at 9 at night?" Willow goes into full panic mode now, " I'm not gonna be able to do this. We're so screwed!" She sits on the couch, muttering to herself, " We're never gonna do this. We're not gonna be able help her… I can't do this. Goddess, I'm so useless…"

Buffy kneels on the floor in front of her. " Will, Will… Willow, look at me, " Buffy commands, her tone firm, " You can do this…we can do this. We'll help, Will. Don't go wonky on me… it's gonna be ok. I promise!" Buffy looks at Kira for help.

" There's a place… Faith mentioned it to me once or twice. A place Angel used to get supplies. I think he stays open late." Kira runs into the office. A minute later she's back, clutching a piece of paper, triumphant. " Ok, got the number." She dials it, and speaks into the phone. " Yeah, ok, he's there, Willow. I can get your stuff. Tell me what you need."

Willow, still feeling lost, gets up and goes over to the reception desk. She takes the phone from Kira, and talks for awhile. She signals for a pencil and paper, which Kira supplies. She writes something down, and then hangs up.

" Ok, he's got what we need, " Willow says, her tone still doubtful, " but there's more. I have to know where Faith's gonna be… do you know where they hold this Cammaragh, Kira?"

Kira's face falls. " God, Willow, they haven't done this kind of thing… I don't know, for centuries I guess. It's not like they hold it annually…" Kira thinks for awhile, trying to remember the legends of the clan." There's a place, not used much anymore, that they used to do rituals at… maybe there?"

" Damn!" Willow sounds defeated, " that isn't good enough. I need a definite location…" She looks at Kira for more help, but doesn't get any. " I could try… but that… no, won't work."

" What?" Buffy has come up beside Willow, " try what? We got to try anything right now."

" I could try to link to her, psychically. But, that hasn't been working so well…"

" Wait a minute. Not 5 hours ago, I found you passed out, but you were linked to her, weren't you? I mean, your spirit or whatever mojo thing was there, right?" Buffy asks.

" I didn't do that, Buffy. Someone, or something, did it to me… I…don't know if I can reach that far…" She shakes her head, " besides, I got to get this stuff…" She shakes the list in her hand.

" I'll get the stuff, " Buffy says, " You just try to find Faith."

" Buffy!" Willow looks worried, " What if… I try…and I …what if I turn…" She doesn't want to say it, but she's worried her darkness will out if she does her magic.

" You're not, Willow. It's not going to happen, " Buffy walks over and puts her hand on Willow's shoulder." You can do this . I believe I you." She looks deep into Willow's green eyes, and sees the barely masked fear there. She pulls Willow into a hug, and whispers in her ear " You're gonna be ok, I promise. I wouldn't ever let anything bad happen to you, Will." She holds her, feeling the woman start to relax in her arms.

" Look, I'll get the supplies we need, " Kira pipes up, " I think you should stay here and help Willow through this." She takes the list from Willow, and starts for the lobby door.

" Kira?" Buffy's worried about Kira's reaction. Their relationship is so new, she's afraid that Kira might misunderstand.

Kira turns, and smiles. " Don't worry, honey. I'm cool with this. Not the jealous type… not much, anyway." She turns and walks out the lobby door.

" I'm being such an idiot, I'm sorry, Buffy," Willow breaks away from Buffy and goes to the couch. She sits, hands in lap." I'm just so afraid of … being her again, I…"

"Willow, don't." Buffy sits next to her, taking her hand, " quit beating yourself up. I know you're incredibly powerful, and you can do this. You can and not go dark. I'm right here with you. What can I do to help?"

" Just do that…" Willow squeezes Buffy's hand." Ground me, don't let me float away."

" I've gotcha, Will. You're not going anywhere." Buffy holds Willow's hand firmly.

Willow leans back, and closes her eyes. She concentrates on Faith, bringing her up in her mind's eye. Slowly, the image shifts, as she remembers her encounters with Faith. The images start to flash through her mind more rapidly, and her image becomes a kaleidoscope of Faith in various moods and expressions. Even though her eyes are closed, she feels the room starting to spin. Slowly at first, the tempo increases faster and faster. She can still feel Buffy holding her hand, but she feels as if she's floating. She feels as if her essence is escaping her body, and then suddenly she feels pulled…

Again she finds herself flying through a void, nothingness surrounding her like a thick fog. Everything is colorless, motionless, except her. She is moving like a meteor, crashing through the grayness, shooting towards somewhere. She can't direct where she's moving; it's as if she's being pulled along by a hook. She can't feel her body, anything… all of her seems to be coming apart . Faster, she moves faster and faster into oblivion ….

Then she stops. She feels woozy and disoriented. She tries to lean on something for support, but realizes she's not solid. For a moment, she closes her eyes to bring the dizziness under control.

When she opens them, she realizes she's in a bathroom. The shower curtain is drawn, and she can hear the water running.

" What the fu…" she exclaims, then hears something. A cry of anger and rage, followed by what sounds like something hitting the wall. Again and again the pounding is heard, in conjunction with small angry cries. She knows that voice, even without words.

Faith.

Curious, she walks over and starts to pull back the curtain, but her hand just goes through. _Oh, swell, that's really helpful. You moron, you're not physical!_ She walks through the curtain, and stops.

Faith is sitting in the tub, water washing over her, surrounded by the tile broken in her tantrum. Her head is down, and she's crying. Forgetting herself, Willow kneels by Faith and tries to take her in her arms. They go right through Faith, and Willow says a string of words not often heard out of her lips. _Dammit, I'm useless. I can't even comfort her!_ Helpless, she watches as Faith pulls herself together. Faith looks up, and Willow sees her expression has changed to anger. Faith almost leaps to her feet, and Willow, startled, retreats back out of the shower.

" FUCK YOU!" Faith yells, defiantly, her heart beating fast in her chest. " FUCK YOU! I'M NOT SOME FUCKING WEEPY BABY YOU CAN JUST PUSH AROUND. I'M NOT GONNA CRAWL AWAY WITH MY TAIL BETWEEN MY LEGS. YOU WANNA FIGHT, BABY, WE'RE GONNA FIGHT. I MIGHT LOSE, BUT YOU'RE SO GONNA KNOW YOU FOUGHT FAITH. YOU'RE GONNA WISH YOU NEVER DID!"

Willow stands by the sink, watching as Faith grabs a towel and starts drying off. She can feel waves of anger and frustration rolling off of her, and she wants nothing more than to take Faith in her arms, hold her and make it better. She starts to walk towards her, at the very same time Faith is walking towards the mirror, and towards her…

She passes through Faith, and Willow's frustration grows. That, and the weirdness of Faith walking through her, gives her a major case of the wigs.

" Red?" Faith asks in a small voice, almost a whisper.

Willow, excited, calls out.

" Yes, baby, I'm here…I'm right here."

Faith walks to the mirror, combing her hair. Willow watches her. _I gotta …somehow, I gotta let her know I'm here…_ She concentrates, gathering herself together. She walks over to Faith, and puts her arms around her, holding her. All the time she's thinking… _feel me, baby. I'm here. I'm with you. I won't let you down… I love you!_ She hugs Faith tightly.

And she can feel Faith responding, feeling her holding her. Willow's heart leaps in her chest… and then sinks.

The pulling starts again, and hard as she tries, she can't resist it. She feels herself being pulled away from Faith.

" No…not now… dammit not now!" Willow screams to no one, because no one can hear her. The scene before her fades, and she feels the grayness surrounding her.

An overwhelming sense of sadness invades her. She wanted nothing more than to stay there, hold Faith. She feels cheated. The pull is too strong however, and she's flying back. Back to Los Angeles, to her body.

There's something else. She can feel it. A warmth… a feeling she didn't have before. Locked in her heart. A connection to Faith. She can still feel her, even away from her. She closes her eyes, letting the warmth suffuse her.

When she opens them, she sees Buffy's worried face over hers. She's sweating, she can feel it on her brow, and panting, as if she's just run a very long distance. But she feels… wonderful.

" Will? You ok? God, you had me worried!" Buffy cries out, realizing her friend is back. _From where? Where did she go?_

A smile, a large goofy grin washes over Willow's face.

" I feel her Buffy, " Willow says, almost in a whisper. " I know where she is. I can follow her anywhere now."

* * *

Ireland 

County Limerick

Faith stands quietly in the field, surrounded by members of the clan.

She is hooded; has been since after they picked her up at the hotel. This place is secret, a sacred space. Known only to the elders. This is the place that the Cammaragh would take place.

The air is heavy; breathing in the hood is difficult, but she makes no complaint. This was her choice.

Even though she can't see the people around her, her other senses take them in. She can hear the whispers and shuffling of feet. She can smell the sweetness of the grass, and the sour smell of sweat. She can feel the sun on her shoulders, hot and close. The sweat pours down her face and body.

More, her slayer sense brings home the hostility of the majority of the crowd. _Guess there won't be any " Go, Faith" banners in the group_, she thinks dryly. Compressing her lips, she stands waiting for the damned hood to be removed.

A small group of 6, the elders of the board, surround her. They look at her grimly, their stone faces not revealing their thoughts. One signals to the guard behind her, and her hood is removed.

Faith looks at the group, and her heart sinks a bit. _Not a friendly face in the bunch. All of them voted against her. Oh, this is already looking too good._ She stands facing them, her expression set and grim.

" Faith Lehane, nee Delano, born of the clan Lehane in the New World. You've been brought here on this day to face the judgment of the elders. You have been judged unfit to lead the clan, and have been judged so by your peers. What say you to these charges?"

Faith, remembering her line, responds, " I call for my right as leader for the Cammaragh"

The elder looks at her, his eyes betraying his doubt. " The Cammaragh. The Justice. This is a battle to the death. Are you aware of this?"

" Yes"

" The council has chosen its champion. He will fight you to either you or he dies. There is no mercy. Again, I ask you, are you aware of this?"

" Yes, I understand, " Faith says shortly.

" Very well," The elder replies, his tone disapproving, " You will be provided sword and shield, as is custom." He nods to one of the guards, and they bring her the sword and shield. Faith hefts the sword, noting it's a little heavier than she's used to. _Has a fine balance, however_, she notes as she moves it carefully through the air. She nods her acceptance.

" Bring in the champion."

A figure emerges from the crowd. He is tall, well built and clothed in leather armor. On his arm is a shield bearing the clan's emblem. He wears a helmet that nearly covers his face. Yet, somehow, there's something familiar about him. Faith looks at him closely.

" Liam?" She asks, incredulously. She didn't expect this.

" Aye, Faith. It's Liam," He says quietly, standing off a bit.

" You're the clan's champion?"

" So it would appear," he says, a small smile tugging at his mouth.

" Why?"

His face goes grim, " It's my duty, Faith. You're not fit to lead the clan."

" You really believe that?"

" I do"

Faith sighs. For a second she wonders if this is really what she wants. She's fond of Liam, always has been. _If he thinks I'm not fit…_ but she cuts off the thought. Her face sets into a mask.

" You realize I've got to kill you?" Faith asks, quietly.

" I do, " He replies, " if you can."

Faith is about to retort when the elder interrupts.

" The challenger and the champion will acknowledge each other by touching swords. When the horn sounds, the fight begins. Do you both understand?"

Faith nods curtly. Liam also nods.

They lift swords, and touch them together. Faith feels a chill go down her spine… and a slight weakening. _So, it's true. What Layne said. Damn! Well, if I live through this, there's gonna be hell to pay…_

The crowd on the field retreat, leaving the combatants in the circle. Liam walks to the other end of the battleground and waits. Faith can sense the excitement rising in the crowd, and it sickens her._ So, they're looking for a little blood, eh? So much for the pacifists._

Nerves taught, a frown on her face, she waits for the signal.

The horn blows.

" Let's get it done!" She mutters , as she charges into the battle.

* * *

Los Angeles, CA. 

Hyperion Hotel.

Near midnight.

The lights of the lobby have been dimmed, and Willow walks about the circle, lighting the candles placed there earlier. She says a small prayer as she lights each one, sprinkling a pinch of herbs on each. Finally, done, she joins the others within the circle.

Seated facing each other, Buffy and Kira look to Willow for guidance. In the center is a large blue crystal. A flaw in the crystal looks almost like an eye, giving it special properties, and it's name: Asher's Eye. Forming a circle around it sit three small incense burners. They are filled with a blend of herbs and conjuring powder. Willow motions for Kira and Buffy to be seated, and hands them a card, and a lighter.

" Are you ready?" Willow asks, feeling a little nervous. Buffy nods solemnly, but Kira giggles. Buffy and Willow look at her.

"Sorry, just never done this before. I feel a little silly…" Kira shrugs and blushes.

" Look, if you're not serious about this…" Willow starts to stand up, but Buffy just looks at her. A silent message seems to pass between them, and Willow, a little deflated, sits down with a rueful grin on her face. " Sorry. I guess I'm nervous too, and I've done this a lot. I felt really silly first time I tried it."

Buffy squeezes Kira's hand, and she smiles. Willow smiles.

"Ok, here we go." She pauses, and lifts up the text by her side. " Hecate, goddess, hear our plea. We beseech thee to intervene in our behalf. Help us to help our sister who faces mortal danger." She cues the other two, who respond.

" Hear our plea" Buffy and Kira chant together.

" Gaia, Goddess of the earth, she who connects all, bring us together with our sister, so we may help her in this her time of battle"

" Hear us, Oh Gaia"

" Artemis, Goddess of the hunt, protector of young women, watch over our sister as she battles for her life."

" Hear us, Oh Artemis!"

" Athena, Goddess of Wisdom, warrior, protect our sister in her struggle. Call out your goddesses, Nike, victory, and Nemesis, she of the righteous anger, to protect and help our sister."

" Hear us, Oh Athena!"

Willow motions to the others to light the mixture in the incense burners in front of them. They do, and she continues.

" We burn these offerings in your honor, oh powerful ones. Please, aid us in our struggle!"

They sit quiet for awhile, as the herbs burn in the incense holders.

Willow turns over her card. " I am the Shield, the protector. I guard the body, the soul and the heart of my sister in battle."

Buffy turns over her card. " I am the Sword. I give strength and power. I join with my sister in her battle."

Kira turns over her card. " I am the Eye. I see beyond what is visible. I give insight and wisdom, to my sister who struggles."

Willow motions for them to join hands.

" Gaia, our mother, hear us, " Willow intones, " join us with our sister who battles for her life. Take our essences, and join them with her, so she may be strengthened."

They say together the rest together.

" Join us"

" Join us"

" Join us"

Sitting in the darkness, at first nothing seems to happen. Then from each a bright light seems to appear, slowly moving around the circle, joining with the others to become very bright. Willow stares into the Asher's eye, concentrating on Faith. The energy coalesces, and enters the crystal, then erupts, magnified, and shoots skyward, through the roof.

The three women, still holding hands, fall back unconscious.

* * *

Ireland 

County Limerick

Faith is on the ground, on hands and knees, sweating and bleeding.

She's getting her ass whipped.

The fight has been uneven since the beginning. Although she got in a fair amount of blows, each seemed to slide off Liam. Each time a blow struck, she felt a chill, and became weaker. Things were definitely not going well for her.

But she won't quit. She pushes off, bringing her sword up. Her shield is gone, long shattered by Liam's blows. Her whole body is protesting, but she's not giving up. She won't lie still and just take it. Forcing herself into a stance, she prepares for the next onslaught.

What rankles her most is that Liam is not even going for the kill. He's toying with her, playing around at fighting her, hitting her with glancing blows; designed to hurt, but not finish the job. He's rubbing salt into her wounds, humiliating her as well as fighting her. She's heard more than a little laughter at her expense. Gritting her teeth, ignoring the sweat trickling into her eyes, she charges him, trying to land a blow.

Liam, confident and hardly feeling the battle, waits and steps out of the way at the last moment, watching as she overshoots him. He twirls around, hitting her with the flat of his blade. She goes flying into the ground, her chin jarring on the hard earth. She stays there for a moment, stunned.

Liam walks over, and stands above her, putting the point of his sword barely into her back.

" C'mon Faith, I know you can do better than this. You're a slayer, right? You're supposed to be a warrior." He raises his foot and shoves her side, rolling her over on her back. She lies there, exhausted and stunned.

" So, this is the leader of the Lehane, huh? That's what you thought to be. Look at you, Faith. It's over. You can't even move. Just give up, and I'll end this now." Liam brings the point of the sword. " I don't want to humiliate you anymore. Just give it up."

Faith looks up at him. She aches all over; there's not a place on her that doesn't hurt. Her lungs feel like their on fire, and she can barely lift herself off the ground. But she won't give up. She pushes up, as fast as possible, and spits on him.

" Screw you, Liam!" Faith chokes out. She scrambles to recover her sword. She finds it, and is picking it up when a voice shouts in her head.

" FAITH, DUCK!"

Instinctively, Faith does a shoulder roll, coming up just a little away from where Liam's blade almost pierced her. She looks around, confused.

" Red?" She whispers hoarsely. She's feeling shaky, her knees near ready to give out. _I must be hallucinating, now. Shit!_

"Here baby," Faith hears Willow's voice in her head, " I'm not gonna let you do this alone. Oh, and I brought a couple of friends with. Hope you don't mind… er… Faith? RUN!"

Faith, exhausted, doesn't argue. She starts to run as fast as she can, hearing Liam behind her, trying to hit her with his sword.

" Heya, Faith. How's it going? Not too good, I'm seeing, " Faith hears Buffy's voice in her head, " want a little help?"

" Hi, Faith, we're here. Not gonna let you die or anything, " Kira's voice pops up in her head.

Faith keeps running. She figures she's just losing it, her mind is beginning to crack. _ Could be worse, I guess. Could be my old parole officer… _Faith's energy gives out, and she stumbles. She tries to keep going, but her legs give out, and she falls. Liam comes up behind her, and raises his sword.

" It's over, Faith. You lost." He starts to bring his sword down… and then it stops. Mid-air. He can't thrust it any closer. He stands over Faith, looking puzzled.

"What in the hell?" He ponders, looking down at Faith.

At that moment, a glow of energy seems to surround Faith. Liam, startled, backs up a couple of steps. Inside, Faith feels a healing surge flood through her body. Her wounds close; her strength returns to normal. More, she feels powerful. Very powerful. A sense of calm enwraps her as she feels her spirit, her essence, join with the others. She nearly leaps off the ground. Her eyes seem to glow.

Liam, for the first time since they started, feels fear. He starts to back away.

"What the hell is this?" He mutters, taking a stance. He brings up his sword.

" This is called payback" Faith growls.

Weaponless, she runs at Liam. For the first time, her eyes seem to clear. She can see the shining stone amulet on his breastplate.

" That's it!" Red says in her head, " hit it. Hit the jewel. You've got to destroy it."

Liam brings the broadsword down, as if to strike her. Faith grabs his wrist, stopping it. He stands there, stunned. She raises her other fist, and brings it down hard on is breastplate. The jewel shimmers, and cracks, but stays intact.

" What the hell are you doing?" Liam growls. He brings his other fist around to punch her, but still holding his wrist, she ducks the blow. Her knee comes up, and hits him square in the groin. He screams, and his eyes go wide. He stumbles and falls over.

" THAT'S NOT SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN!" He yells, grabbing at his crotch, moaning. Faith stands above him, laughing.

" Yeah, life's a bitch, aint it?" She chortles.

" Faith… do it, destroy the stone. I don't know how much longer we can keep this up!" Red urges her.

Faith, angry, kicks him in the groin again, and Liam groans, trying to avoid her in anyway he can. He starts to wriggle away on the ground.

" Get up, get up, dammit! Fight her, kill her you coward!" A voice calls out from the crowd. Faith turns towards the voice, but can't see where it's coming from. She looks around, and spots a stone. Picking it up, she goes over to Liam. Kicking him, she turns him over. Menoch's hope is exposed. She brings the stone down hard on his breastplate, shattering the amulet's jewel.

The next thing she knows, she's flying backwards through the air. The jewel, being destroyed, releases all the energy it ever collected in its use. A bright, brilliant flash envelops Liam, and then a blue-white column of fire shoots into the sky. Most of the energy, the owners long dead, dissipates into the air. But Faith's life force comes slamming back into her. She stands up, her body suffused with the energy of herself and her friends.

She looks over to where Liam lies, limp and unmoving. She walks over, and kneels beside him. She touches his neck. She turns and looks at the crowd.

" He's dead, " she says simply. But it doesn't sound like Faith anymore. All of their voices blend into hers. The crowd backs up, scared. All but one.

" Witch! You cheated!" He cries out, pointing at her. " What kind of dark arts are these? Where did you get the power?"

Faith calmly pulls something off Liam's body. She holds it up.

" I cheated? What do you call this?" She shows the amulet to the crowd.

One of the elders , still afraid to get too close, nonetheless advances. She throws it to him. He inspects it, his brow furrowed.

" It's the Menoch's hope. How did he get ahold of this? It's supposed to be in a museum. It's never supposed to be used!"

The crowd murmurs.

" It's a trick. This … witch… planted it on him. She used magic to destroy him!" The man yells out.

More murmurs form the crowd.

" Don't just stand there, " he cries out, signaling to his men, " Shoot her!"

A number of the crowd, in cloaks, step out of the crowd. From underneath the cloaks they bring up automatic weapons, all pointed at Faith. Faith doesn't move except to shake her head.

" Those things? Never helpful, " She says in a mocking voice.

" Die, witch!" the first man yells. At that, his men start to fire.

" Not today," Faith says, and holds up her hands. The bullets stop mid-air, as if stuck in glue. Then they change into flowers, dropping harmlessly onto the ground.

The men stare at the flowers, then start to raise their guns again, only to cry out in horror when their guns turn into snakes. The snakes turn on them, biting them. Scared out of their wits, they turn and run off the field.

" Not to worry. The snakes? Harmless" Faith looks at the man in front of her. He pulls out a pistol and aims it at her, point blank.

" Maybe they can't shoot you, bitch, but I can!" Faith just gestures; slowly his gun turns on him. His eyes go wide as he realizes that he can't stop it. He drops the gun, and it turns into a dove, and flies away.

" Ooops, " Faith says. " Well, lets see who's trying to kill me so badly, shall we?" She walks over and grabs the man, holding him high over her head. She pulls off his cowl, and his face is revealed.

" Sean!" many in the crowd shout out.

" Naw, lets see who he really is!" Faith , with Kira's abilities infused in her, can see his true self under his guise. Using Red's magic, she waves her hand in front of her, revealing " Sean" to be a demon. A rather nasty looking battle demon, in fact.

"Well, well, as my grandmother would say, looks like there's a fox in the henhouse!"

The battle demon breaks her grip, moving away. He takes a stance, and yelling, charges her. Faith , using her combined strength, lands a haymaker on him, stopping him in his tracks. Before he can recover, she grabs him by the neck and twists, snapping it. The demon falls to the ground.

Faith feels a sudden dizziness, and braces herself. Sitting down hard on the ground, she feels as if a good part of her is being drained. She feels suddenly alone. _They're gone,_ she thinks, sitting there for a moment to recover.

She stands, and starts to walk over to where Liam's body lies. A few of the elders start towards her, but she waves them off angrily. They back off, and she stops by his body, looking down at her now dead cousin.

_So, was it worth it, Liam? Did you make your point?_ She asks the dead man, angrily, _did you die for your ideals? Was this how you wanted it to end? Will your family be proud of you? Was it worth your life?_ She wonders if she's asking Liam these questions, or herself. She looks at his face, so innocent now in death. She wonders what kind of life he would've had. _Would you have married? What about your children? The children that won't be born now? What might they have done, if they had a chance. Did you even think about that? All for what, Liam? What did you accomplish, anyway? Honor? Bragging rights? Tell your mates you took out a slayer? How proud are they gonna be now, knowing you were following a demon all this time? The very thing you were supposed to be fighting?_ Faith stands there, looking down at the dead boy, feeling her eyes burn from hot tears forming. _What a waste. Whatta fucking waste!_

Faith picks up Liam's fallen sword. She feels its weight and holds it, as an overwhelming sadness takes her. _I won, but what does it mean, really? What was it for? What did I prove here? That I was better? That's a joke. I nearly got my ass kicked. If Willow hadn't done whatever she did, I'd be lying there. I know if they hadn't cheated, I would've probably been ok, but … could I have killed him? I've killed before, but that was the old me. Wasn't it? Am I still that monster? Does it rule me, or me it? How many years have I tried to put that behind me, and look where I'm at. Still standing over death and violence I caused. I could've … maybe should've… walked away from this. I didn't have to do this. But I did. Because I … why? Why? What good excuse do I have for doing this? To change things? To fight evil on my terms? What good have I done here?_

She looks up, and sees the crowd of spectators broken into groups, milling around, afraid to approach her. She feels her sadness overtaken by anger. _LOOK AT THEM! _She wants to scream at the sheep that pretend to be people. _Look at them! One hardly more than a boy, the other the very thing we fight. And you threw the one on the pyre for the other. Is this what you're about? Is this what the great Lehane is all about? You sit back and hide in the shadows, spinning your webs to make things go how you want to see them. How're you any different from Wolfram and Hart I wanna know? You blind yourself to a monster in your midst, and let some poor boy die for you…for what? If I peel back the layers, what kind of monsters will I find hiding under your pious, self-righteous looks? Who are you? WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU?_

Who the fuck am I? I'm the worst of all, cuz I shoulda known better!

She doesn't say a word. She just looks at them, and disgust wells up in her heart. She takes the sword, and raising it over her head, drives it into the earth. A few of the spectators gasp, thinking she's about do something more. Some hurry away, fearful for their safety.

_Run, you fucking sheep,_ she thinks as she starts to walk towards the crowd. _Run and hide, and wait for someone else to lead you._ She strides across the field, trying to get as much distance from this disaster as she can. She suddenly stops, and feels dizzy. She tries to steady herself, but her knees seem to give out on her. Crying out in pain, she falls over, lying prone on the ground.

A small group of elders, breaking off from the pack, come over to where she lay. The look down at her. one of them, seemingly the oldest of the group, kneels down beside her and touches her lightly on the back, quickly withdrawing his hand when it burns. Motioning to the others, they tear her shirt. On her back, looking still raw and fresh, appears to be a branding . It's an intricate pattern of lines and circles, and they recognize it instantly: it was the sign of Lehane, worn only by those designated as the chosen one, the one who is above all. Even as they watch, the pattern darkens as Faith's accelerated healing process kicks in. The rawness scabs over; soon it will be merely a patterned scarring on her back. They sit quietly for a moment, pondering over the miracle sent to them by the powers that be.

Slowly, almost reverentially, they lift the fallen warrior off the ground, and carry her off the battleground.

* * *

Los Angeles, CA. 

Hyperion Hotel, Lobby

Sometime in the very early morning hours.

There is a stirring amongst the women lying prone on the lobby floor. Buffy rises first, and stretches, looking at the other two, who are still seemingly out of it. She hears a groan come from Kira, and scootches over towards her, in time to watch her open her eyes.

At first Kira seems disoriented, as if she's not sure where or when she is. She looks through Buffy as if she doesn't recognize her. Her eyes seem flat and dull. Slowly, a light comes on in them, and she smiles up at the little blond woman hovering over her.

" Hey, we did it. We really did it!" Kira says, softly, in wonder. " I was there. I could see it all. God, that was a trip!"

" That was amazing. I could feel everything, I felt like I was part of her. A part of all of us. It's just…" Buffy trails off, unable to verbalize or even completely process the feelings.

For a long while, the two just stare at each other, realizing they shared an intimacy rare amongst anyone. Kira pushes up and looks over in the general direction of Willow.

" How's Willow? She seems…" she stops, seeing Willow for the first time.

Buffy looks over, then rushes over to Willow. Willow is still lying there. Her gaze is fixed and glassy. Buffy, worried, feels for her pulse, and breathes when she finds it strong. Kneeling beside her, Buffy is a little startled when she feels her skin. It's cool and clammy. Looking closely, she sees how pale she is, and her she begins to worry all over again. Motioning to Kira, they lift her and carry her to the couch.

" What's wrong with her?" Kira asks, staring down at the unconscious woman.

" I dunno. Maybe… shit, I think she might be going into shock. Maybe … call an ambulance, Kira. I'll get a blanket to keep her warm. " Buffy looks frightened. " What happened to her?"

Buffy is turning to run up the stairs when she hears a loud gasp. Turning back, she sees Willow sitting up, seeming to gasp for air. Then, almost on cue, a wail comes out of her, a wail so terrible and lonesome and sad, it hurts to hear it. Buffy and Kira, frightened and confused, stand stock still as the wail seems to go on and on. Finally, pulling at her clothes and hair, Willow starts to sob. She leans over, her body shaking.

Buffy, moving first, goes over and kneels by Willow, putting an arm around her shoulder. Willow leans into her, and cries her heart out.

" What is it, honey? What's wrong?" Buffy tries to soothe her friend.

Willow looks up at Buffy, her cheeks stained in tears. She clings to Buffy, needing the warmth.

" Oh, Buffy. I'm.. I can feel her, feel what she feels."

" Who, Will? Faith?"

" Yes, Faith. God, Buffy. The pain, god, it's horrible Buffy. The sadness, the anger, all of it, I can feel it. It's like knives. Goddess, Buffy, she's… she feels empty, lost, god she feels so lost.

" She feels so alone…"

* * *

Ireland 

County Limerick

Faith lays face down on the small cot.

She can barely feel any pain from her back, the wound has almost healed. The itching's terrible; it takes all her will not to reach back and scratch. She's almost grateful for the itch, however, because it breaks into her thoughts.

It's her thoughts that cause her pain.

All she could see was death. Liam, lying dead in the field. Angel, destroyed by the demons of Wolfram and Hart. The faces of the all too many people she killed. The Slayers and SiT's that died fighting the first. Death, and more death, and more death. It felt like raw wounds to her heart, jagged gaping wounds that wouldn't heal, only hurt and hurt and hurt some more. She couldn't even cry; her eyes felt hot and grainy, but no tears would come.

_Why, why, why, why, why? she cries out in her mind, the images surrounding her and taunting her. Why're you doing this to me? I didn't want this! I didn't want him to die. What? Is that all I'm good for? Killing? Is that the grand plan, the great " Destiny" you've got in store for me? To be your fucking hit man? Why don't you leave me alone? Why can't I do anything right? Why does everything I touch die? GOD, I HATE THIS! Why're you doing this to me?_

Unable to rest, she pushes off the cot, and gets up, pacing around the small room where they've put her. _Now you've marked me. What? Am I Cain now? Am I the bad one again? Doesn't anything I've done, anything I've been through in the last 5 years mean anything?_

She shakes her head. She remembers that Angel told her that no matter what she did, she might never balance the scales._ I've tried, I've really tried to atone, to make good. But maybe I'm just never going to make it. Maybe I was never meant to be anything but a killer._

She raises her palms, and even though they're clean, she can still see blood dripping from them. In her minds eye, her hands will never be clean. She thinks about Liam, how he looked lying there, gone, nothing but his body; his shell starting the slow rot of death. She can feel the stickiness of the blood on her hands, smell the coppery smell.

_No choice. I didn't have a choice. I had to do this. This was my destiny. This is what I'm supposed to do. Isn't it?_

Even as the thought goes through her mind, she realizes how hollow it sounded. How empty.

Empty. Like she feels now.

Underneath the pain, that's what she feels. Empty. All this, supposedly what she wants, just feels… like nothing. This is her victory, her proving that she's best, she deserves to lead.

_Lead what?_ She thought to herself, bitterly, _sheep? Cuz that's what I saw out there , lookin' at me. Sheep. Sheep that instead of following, sit around and bleat about how wrong any new idea is. How the 'old' way is the best way. Fucking sheep too scared of their own shadows too much to do anything but hide in them. Sheep who can't tell the diff when a demon comes to lead them._ This last causes a rueful smile, considering her own heritage. _Sheep who fall in line and follow a demon cuz he says what they want to hear. Yeah. Sheep._

As good as that sounds, she knows she's still lying to herself. Because that isn't why she feels hollow. Why it doesn't feel right. That something bigger, more fundamental is missing. She knows it's a lie, but she doesn't know why yet.

Feeling confined, hemmed in, she bolts for the door. Opening it, she sees it opens into an enclosed courtyard. She steps out, walking over the path to a spot in the sun. She stands, looking at her shadow, her mind trying to penetrate the seeming mist hiding the truth from her.

As she stands there, two sparrows descend from the sky, and land . They start pecking at something unseen on the ground, and then start to get aggressive with each other, fighting over a morsel that is too small to share. She watches fascinated as each on vies to claim the prize. Finally one, more aggressive than the other, chases off its rival, and stands over its prize, consuming it.

In that moment, she has a clarity of vision, an epiphany. It's as if a light shines in the dark corners, and reveals the truth to her.

_Mine!_

That's why this doesn't feel right, none of it. It's not hers. Not her vision, not her expectations.

Despite her claims at being herself, being free, it's simply a lie. A lie she told herself to justify what she's done. How she's lived her life. But in this clarity, she sees that she's never been truly free. That she's lived her life living up, or down, to other's expectations of herself. That her vaunted ' independence' was a sham. How she acted in Sunnydale was because she was reacting to what the ' gang' thought she should act. First being a 'good' slayer, then later, when things went wrong, a 'bad' slayer. Killing for the Mayor? Again, because he expected it of her. Was it what she wanted? No, it was what HE wanted her to do. She wanted his approval so badly she put her own feelings aside. Later, with Angel, same thing. She started the ' atonement' because she thought that was what he expected of her. Not what she expected of herself, but what she felt he saw in her. Then the prophecy, she was the chosen. So again, she subsumes her own desires, her own expectations, to do what is expected of her. She does it, but slowly, gradually it slips away. The feeling of rightness, the sense of purpose.

So here she stands, feeling empty. Because in the end, being independent isn't just ' doing your own thing'. It's living up to your own expectations of yourself. Realizing what's important to you, to your life, and acting on it. That's something she's never really done. She's reacted to what others wanted of her, demanded of her, expected of her. But when it came to knowing what she wanted, needed, or expected of herself, she's never taken to the time to find out.

And then she hears the mocking laugh.

She turns, and leaning against a tree in the courtyard, she sees herself. Her ' worst half' if you will, looking at her with a self satisfied grin on her face.

" So, baby, you finally got it, huh? Boy, took ya long enough."

Faith just stares at her with compressed lips.

" Oh, don't be that way. What, you were expecting like some Angel or somethin'? Trumpets and harps and a corps of divine figures comin' down to hit you with the smart stick? Get real. Here's the scoop. All this time you been playin' their game, and you been losin' out on what's important. That it's YOUR game now. That you gotta pick up the ball and run with it. That you gotta figure out what's right for you , what you need to do so that in the middle of the night, you aint wakin' up wondering what the hell you're doin here."

" Ok, so how come if you knew this, you didn't clue me?" Faith asks, a bit irritated. " Might've made things a whole lot less crappy, you know?"

Her alter ego just shakes her head. " God, it's still not sinking in, is it? I'm you, dumbass. I'm not some separate being, I'm you. I don't know it til you know it. I'm just smart enough to see the truth when it comes up and slaps me in the face. God, I can be such a dork." She sees Faith's skepticism," listen, I'll try to explain it to you one last time. I'll go real slow and use small words, so it doesn't go flyin' over your head. I'm you, dope. I'm not like your "Demon" half. You aint like the " good half." It's all mixed together, all the way down the scale. We're part of each other, light and dark, good or bad, or however ya wanna figure it. You aint you without me, and fuck me, I'm stuck with you. So get used to it, ok? There's no separating us, cuz we're the same thing." She gives Faith a look, " don't be so glum, chum. It's not just you. Nobody's pure good or pure evil. We all got the mix, so to speak. It's just how you use it, what you do with what you got, makes the diff."

" So what now?"

" Hey, don't look at me! What, am I the information lady or somethin? Figure it out, that's your job… for the rest of your life, girlfriend. Me? I'm takin' a nap. Wake me when you got it, 'k?" With that, her alter ego fades out, leaving Faith even more puzzled.

Faith walks over and sits under the tree, wincing a little as she leans back on her still slightly sore back. She closes her eyes, and sighs.

_So, what now?_

_What now?_

_

* * *

_

To be continued.


	28. Part 28

Independence

By Norwalker

Part 28 of

Summary: What did Willow and Faith discuss in that little car trip from L.A. to Sunnydale in season 7? And what were the consequences? A Willow/ Faith story

Rating: R, Very R

Category: romance/drama/angst

Spoilers: Possible season 7 spoilers. Possible season 4 Angel spoilers. C'mon, you must have seen 'em by now!

Time Line: Mid season 7(after the return of Faith) and beyond

Disclaimer: Joss Whedon , Mutant Enemy and Fox own them.

Warnings: Adult themes, violence, sexual situations between members of the same gender. Please be aware, character death is always a distinct possibility. It can happen here, so don't say I didn't warn you! Any racist remarks are spoken by the characters, and are in no way shared by the author. This story is not meant for children.

* * *

Faith stands in the cold sunlight, looking out the window. 

She watches as the wind whips through the trees, bending the old oaks like saplings. _Gonna be a bad storm, can see that_ she thinks as she hears the rustling of the branches in the wind. Even up here, in her office inside, she knows it's a cold wind blowing, one that cuts through clothing and chills you to the bone.

But it's not nearly as cold as she feels inside.

Faith turned from the window, and walked back to her desk, sitting down and picking up a folder. She opens it, reading through it briefly, then tosses it back on the desk. Sighing, she leans back in her chair, putting her feet up on the desk. She stares at the ceiling for awhile, then again is up, pacing around. Lately, she hasn't been able to find a place to settle.

She can't settle, because she knows she doesn't belong here. She shouldn't be here. She needs to be elsewhere. An urgency pulls at her, forcing her to move, keep moving. On the very edges of her perceptions, she senses something's happening; something important way beyond anything she's doing here. But she can't tell what, and it nags at her.

It's months after she survived the Cammaragh. Months since she's was touched by the powers, and given the markings on her back that dispelled all doubts about her being the chosen one. Months spent trying to make some sense of everything. Months spent away from home.

Yeah, home. Where IS that exactly? Here, in Ireland? In Boston? Maybe L.A.? Where am I supposed to be? Why do I feel like things are slipping away from me? That I'm losing something so precious, so critical to who I am, what I want to be…that I feel like my heart is made of lead? God this is so bogus. I shouldn't be here. I don't belong here! But where do I belong?

She stops pacing, and stands still, as if hearing something calling to her. She moves again, back to the window, looking out. Looking for that something to make it all make sense.

Looking for Willow.

She misses her. So badly that at night she can't sleep. She stares at the ceiling, seeing her face, smiling at her. She feels her lying next to her, hearing her breathing. But when she turns to look at her, she's not there. She's not anywhere close to there. Lately she's been drinking at night, dulling herself to try to sleep… and it only half helps, knocking her out, but rest doesn't come. It only makes the mornings harder, waking up hung over, forcing herself to face another day. Alone.

Why the fuck am I still here? Why do I stay ? I wanna be there, in her arms, god I need those arms around me, holding me! I need her … god, I need her…

But life isn't often fair, and she knows she can't just run away to be in Willow's arms. She has responsibilities, she has things she has to do before she leaves. Her being chosen , without doubt, only complicated things.

So many things need to be done. _What the hell were they doing before I came along? Shit, this place is a fucking madhouse!_ It doesn't help that every time she peels back a layer, figuring she has a problem solved, a crisis averted, another even more confusing layer of crap bubbles to the surface. _Won't this ever end? How'm I ever gonna change things if I have to keep dealing with this crap?_

There was the rub, the problem in a nutshell. She has to change things. She has no choice. She can't just l leave it . it's all a mess of petty factions and entrenched bureaucracies and egos. Everybody seems to have forgotten the mission, what Lehane is all about. It comes down to turf, and who's who, and who has the power.

All too familiar. Too much like what Angel had told her Wolfram and Hart was like.

She's been kicking ass and cutting through the bullshit for months now, and still she feels she's drowning in a sea of paper and petty jealousies. The more she does, the more that seems to crawl out of the corners. She can't see the light at the end of the tunnel. _Hell, I can't even fucking see my hand in front of my face!_

At times she just wanted to say " Fuck it" and chuck it and walk. She felt so much frustration that there were times she just lost it and tore her office to bits. It already was on it's 5th remodeling. No one ever asked about boo about it, but she knows they knew. Faith isn't exactly the quiet type when her temper went off.

At times however, she felt that she really accomplished something. That's what kept her hanging on. Seeing someone deserving getting a post she or he was best suited for. Or cutting through some ancient rules crappola that made things run better. or just sensing the morale on the rise, people feeling better about themselves, feeling eager to do what they could do to make things better. To see the light come on in the eyes, the smile of recognition, the pride in accomplishment. That gave her a good feeling, a feeling that she was doing something good here, making a difference. It kept her fighting, it kept her going. That feeling of accomplishment.

That feeling doesn't keep her warm at night, however. It doesn't cuddle up to her, and hold her. It doesn't touch her in the crazy making ways that she craves. It doesn't give her someone to talk to. Someone to listen, and sympathize; or conversely to listen and kick her ass for being a fool. It doesn't have soft olive green eyes and red hair and skin as smooth and soft as a baby's. It doesn't coo softly when she pleases her, or scowl when she doesn't. It doesn't babble incessantly when nervous; nor give her that look of utter love she craves so badly. It doesn't smell like ginger and spice, it doesn't moan when she finds those special places. It's smile doesn't light up a room and tie up her heart and make her want to fall on her knees and crawl to her, kissing her feet and the ground they touch. It isn't smart, or bright, or funny; it isn't shy and reserved one minute, wild and crazy the next. It doesn't lose its temper and yell at her; nor does it hold her and soothe her and rub her when she's miserable.

It's not Willow.

So why doesn't she say " Fuck it" and chuck it and walk?

Because she can't. Despite her epiphanies, despite all she needs, she can't just leave it as it is . She cares. Much as she doesn't want to, she cares. The telling thing about Faith, her greatest strength, and her sometimes greatest weakness, is that when she cares, she's loyal beyond all measure. She can't just turn her back on something she cares about.

_What about Red? Aren't you turning your back on her?_

_NO!_

Isn't she important? Why aren't you with her? Why isn't she here?

That was the million dollar question. Regis couldn't have figured out a tougher one for her.

_Why don't I have Red come here?_

She knew why. She might lie to the world, but she knew why. If she brought Willow here, if Willow knew some of the things she had to do…

Change is never easy. It's often painful, and it can be ugly. And violent. And deadly.

Faith has blood on her hands once again. Doing things she never thought she'd have to do again. But in this, she had no choice. In a clan as large, as powerful, as far reaching as Lehane, some changes have to be done in ways that are beyond the law, beyond legal, beyond nice.

As leader, she has to do it.

But that doesn't mean Willow would get that, that Willow would, could or should forgive her. That Willow wouldn't run away screaming, hating her for the rest of her life.

Faith can't even think the thought, it's so awful to her.

Any more awful than knowing she's slipping away from you? That she's slowly leaving you? That you're here, and her there, isn't exactly tightening the bond between you? That one day, she'll tire of waiting, and move on?

_But at least, she won't hate me._

_It's like asking, is it better to have a knife in the gut, or a bullet in the chest? Either way could kill her, just which would hurt less._

_Which would make her feel less dead?_

_And the bonus question Regis, cuz I really need the points. Do I even deserve her?_

And that hurt most of all, because she can't answer it.

She feels the anger welling up in her, the red rage that makes her want to trash things, make things pay for hurting her. _Better cool it, Faith. You just redecorated this office. Don't want to do that again, do we?_

_Like I give a fucking rats ass!_

At that moment, her intercom buzzer goes off. She looks at her desk, so wanting to throw the fucking thing through the window. But she gets herself in control, and walks over, punching the button.

" Yes, Amy, what is it?"

" You're two o'clock is here"

Faith smiles , but the smile would scare a demon. She's been waiting a long time to deal with this problem. A long time.

" Send her in."

* * *

Buffy lays in bed, staring at the ceiling. She's worried. 

Kira, noting her lover's distress, cuddles up to her, trying to comfort her.

"What is it baby?" She asks, softly. She runs her hand lovingly over the smaller woman's body.

Buffy turns and looks at Kira's soft gray eyes , and she feels her heart go thumpty thump in her chest. She can't believe how happy she's been since… oh god, since…. She smiles softly, wanting so much to lose herself in Kira, make her brain go away for awhile.

" it's nothing, honey, " She says, snuggling closer to Kira. She wraps her arms around her, and begins to feel better.

" It's Willow, isn't it?" Kira mentions the unmentionable.

Buffy sighs. _God, can't she like for once NOT be right?_ Painful as it's, she sits up, leaning back against the headboard.

" You know, it's really not fair to read my mind," Buffy teases her.

" I'm not reading…" Kira starts to protest, then realizes Buffy's only yanking her chain." Like I need to. You wear your heart on your sleeve, Buffy. I know you're upset about Willow leaving."

" Not nearly as upset as Faith's gonna be when she finds out."

An atmosphere of gloom descend on them remembering what happened just a few day ago.

Willow was sitting in the lobby when Buffy descended the stairs that morning.

" Hey, Will, mornin!" Buffy nearly danced down the stairs. Ever since they'd joined and defeated the Clans champion, she'd felt charged. Ever since she and Kira had finally gotten together, she'd felt supercharged. _Life is just too good!_

Then she noticed the bags by Willow. And Willow wasn't exactly chipper or bright. She looked sad.

Buffy suddenly felt her stomach ache.

Willow looked up, and she put on her " Hey I'm not upset" smile. It really wasn't all that convincing

" Heya, Buff."

" What's this?" Buffy asked as she approached Willow. She gestured around, indicating the luggage.

" Ummm… it's luggage, Buffy. You know, stuff you pack when you go on a trip?"

" Very funny, Will. I'm laughing on the inside, ok? Why is all this?"

Willow looked up into Buffy's confused face, and suddenly realized how hard this was going to be.

" Yeah, this," Willow stalled, trying to think. " Well, Buff, it's been really nice being together again, really. And hey, did we rock when we knocked out that guy for Faith or what? But, I'm thinking… it's time for me to head home…" _Oh, now that sounds so darned convincing, Will. Yeah._

" Home?" Buffy felt confused

" Back to San Francisco, Buffy. I mean, I've been here way, way too long. I've let things slide to the point where they're going to fall off a cliff if I don't start taking care of things. And I'm kinda missing home."

" What about the remote office Faith had set up for you before she left? I mean, can't you take care of things from there?"

" Not the same thing, Buff. Not like on site, hands on." Willow looks away, not wanting Buffy to see her face, " and I've been away just too long… need to get back home."

" Yeah, ok that, too!" Buffy said, a little hurt tone showing up in her voice, " home. I mean, isn't this like… home now?"

" Buffy, I've loved being here. It's been… but this isn't… not for me…" Willow is fighting to keep the catch out of her voice. If she lets on how it's hurting, she's lost.

" Will, I don't understand. Did I do something wrong? What did I do? I'm sorry, I didn't…"

" Buffy, you didn't do anything wrong!"

" But… you're leaving… and… I don't understand."

" Buffy, I can't stay forever. I've got to go home sometime…"

" Why not? Why can't you stay?" Buffy is getting more upset by the minute.

" I told you, Buffy. I've got things I have to take care of, things that…"

"What about me? " Buffy was nearly crying now. " I need you. I need you to be here. What about that?"

" God, Buffy. Don't make this harder. You don't need me," Willow wouldn't look at her, or she'd start crying. " You've got Kira now. She… you've got Kira. "

" I love Kira, Willow, I do. I love her. But she's not you. She doesn't know me like you know me. God, Will, we go back forever. No one knows me like you. Why are you doing this?"

" Buffy, stop!" Willow almost yelled it out. She sat silent for a minute, getting herself under control. " I have to go, Buffy. I'm sorry, but I have to."

" No you don't!" Buffy was lashing out, hurting and wanting to hurt, " You want to go. You don't 'have' to go. I bet you were even gonna sneak out, without saying shit! "

" I've been sitting here since 5 a.m. , waiting for someone to come down…" Willow turns to her. She's not crying, but her eyes are too bright. " I didn't want to leave without saying goodbye."

" I don't get this, Will. I really don't. What you're saying? Doesn't add up. Nothing you've said tells me that you've got to leave… nothing. Why are you going? "

" I told you why, Buffy." Willow turned away again, knowing she couldn't lie to Buffy, " just let it alone."

" Fine, you _want_ to leave, then go!"

" Why're you being this way? You're acting like a child."

" Well, excuse me, Ms. Adult. But I wasn't the one that just dropped a nuclear bomb in the lobby. Exactly what did you expect? Roses and puppy dogs and kisses?"

Willow doesn't speak, not trusting her voice.

"Fine, just go then. Just go!" Buffy turns on her heel, storming out of the lobby. She stops when she hits the portico. She turns back to Willow.

" Just tell me this, Ms. I'm so smart, what do I tell Faith?" Buffy walked back into the lobby, striding quickly to stand in front of Willow. " What do I tell her when she calls and asks for you? ' Oh, sorry, Faith, she's not here. She had to go home.' C'mon, tell me, Will. What do I tell her?"

Willow didn't say anything.

"Tell me. I mean, forget me, how I feel, whatever. But what am I gonna tell Faith?"

For the longest time, Willow didn't say a word. Then she said, softly, almost whispering, " She'll know why."

Immediately, Buffy felt the anger dissipate. She knelt down in front of Willow, and took her hand. " What is it, Will? What's wrong? Did you guys fight or something?"

Willow shook her head.

" Then why… I don't get it. Why do you think Faith would know why?"

Willow looks up, and the tears are spilling out of her eyes. But she's trying her best not to lose it.

" It's tearing her apart, Buffy. Being there. Wanting to be here. It's killing her, Buffy. I can feel it."

" Oh god, Willow, " Buffy says, putting her arms around Willow. Willow leans heavily into her. " I know she's having a rough go of it. But Faith's strong, honey. She's a survivor. She'll get through this, and get home. You've just got to hold on a little longer…"

" That's not it, Buffy, " Willow says, as if talking hurts too much, " it's not that she… I know she's strong. I know that. But that's not the issue. Buffy, this is her destiny. To lead . To be a champion. But she doesn't know that, won't acknowledge it. And she wants to be here, with me. Oh, goddess, I want her here so badly. But…" she pauses, feeling out of breath, " I don't know how to explain this. When we linked with Faith a few months ago, I linked to her emotions, to her heart. That link never broke. I don't know why, but I can feel what she feels. She's in agony, Buffy, goddess she's tearing herself apart. And it's all my fault!"

"Ok, honey, I know that you think I'm pretty dense…"

" Buffy!"

" C'mon, Will. You think that " Buffy? Sweet girl, not too bright" crack hasn't gotten back to me? But I know this. Faith needs you more than ever. She loves you. I know that. She loves you with everything she's got!"

" And I love her, Buffy. I need her to my core, to every little bit of my tiniest bits. I need her. I love her, " Willow's voice is choking up, " but sometimes, that's not enough … sometimes you've got to let go, or you'll wind up hurting someone worse… much worse."

" Ok, I admit it. I'm a dope. But you love her, she loves you. Go to her, if she can't come here."

" I wish I could, Buffy. I want to. But I told you, I can feel what she feels. She's…" Willow feels like she's betraying Faith, but she has to make Buffy understand, " She's doing things… things she's ashamed of. She doesn't know I know. This link is only one way. She's in a very fragile place right now, Buffy. She's already started drinking again, drinking heavily at night. Believe me, I don't like it when she's drunk, because then the pain trebles. She can't reconcile what she's doing, with what she thinks should be. And she can't deal with loving me, and doing these things. It's eating her alive. I'm killing her Buffy, and I can't… I won't do that!"

" And you leaving her… that won't kill her?" Buffy's tone was ironic.

" Not like this Buffy. You don't get it, " Willow sighed." God, everybody's gonna hate me now0, but I've got to make you see. I talked with Kira a few days ago…"

" I'm not that jealous of Kira talking to …"

" Buffy! Concentrate! I talked to Kira about Faith. I've been feeling this for a long time, and I've been worried. But it's gotten worse… a lot worse… so I asked Kira to use her… gift…"

Buffy looked confused.

" Kira can see things. Things that'll be, and might be. I asked her to look into Faith. Look into her future. Buffy, what she said… it scared me…"

Buffy shook her head." What? What're you talking about?"

" Faith's strong, Buffy. I know that. But even Faith has her weak points. What Kira saw? Buffy, Faith had no future. If things didn't change…"

" WHAT?"

" …if things don't change, Faith will tear herself apart emotionally. She'll go mad… or worse…"

" Worse?" Buffy felt a chill down her spine.

" Kira saw Faith dead… by her own hand…"

That did it. Willow broke down at that point.

Words were done. Buffy just held the sobbing woman.

"She was wrong. She should've stayed. We would've figured something out…" Buffy says to Kira.

" Buffy…" Kira says quietly.

" No. She should've stayed. God, Faith's going to … this is so wrong, on so many levels…"

" Buffy…"

" Dammit, Kira. I'm not an idiot. I know some stuff. I know they need each other! They belong together!"

" Buffy, honey… I'm not arguing with you. I'm with you on this."

" Huh?" Buffy blushes. " Sorry, but … I wish everyone wouldn't treat me like I'm the retarded cousin from Toledo. Why did you tell me what you and Willow talked about?"

" I couldn't, Buffy."

" Why?"

" Because, my sweet little girl, you'd get yourself right in the middle of it, trying to fix it, like you did months ago when you nearly died. This is not something we can 'fix', baby. This is something they've got to work out."

" Oh yeah, knowing them? Not gonna happen!"

" It'll happen. Things will be as they're supposed to be." Kira said, enigmatically.

" Oh, right. I suppose this is another one of your visions, huh?" She looks at Kira, and then cries. " IT IS ! It's one of your visions!"

Kira just smiles.

" So tell me… what happens?"

Kira shakes her head. " Uh-uh. We agreed, when I got this power. No personal knowledge."

" You're a poop. You know that?"

Kira nods.

" Not gonna tell me, are you?"

" Nope"

" Poop!"

" Poop lover!" Kira giggles, and pulls Buffy into a kiss.

* * *

" So you're here," Faith says, looking at the woman sitting across from her. 

" Aye, I'm here, " Layne responds, nervously clutching her purse. " You asked me to come, so I came."

Faith stares at Layne. Her face is set into a cold expressionless mask. She gets up, and walks to the window, leaving Layne to sit , nervously, waiting for some response. Faith stares out at the trees blowing in the wind, making her wait.

"What am I gonna do with you?" Faith finally breaks the silence. She's still looking out the window, and it's almost as if she's talking to herself.

" I'm sorry, I don't understand. Do with me?" Layne shrugs, acting nonchalant. " Fire me, I suppose."

" Not that easy , Layne, " Faith turns from the window, looking at her. " I wish it were."

Layne looks puzzled, and underneath, she feels the beginnings of fear. She's heard about these office interviews. Things she didn't want to know.

" You betrayed me, Layne, " Faith continues, walking back to the desk. She doesn't sit, but rather perches, looking down on Layne. " That's the gist of it. No matter how you try to spin it, when it comes down to it, you betrayed me, and it nearly killed me."

" I never meant to happen what happened. I thought…"

" You thought that if you got me out of the way, Lehane would be yours. That's the all of it, Layne."

" I never wanted you dead!" Layne protests.

" I know, " Faith says coldly, " That's why you're not dead right now."

God, simple as that. She talks as if it's a TV show. They weren't lyin'!

" But that doesn't change the facts, does it Layne? You still betrayed me. It wasn't until the 11th hour that you even warned me about…"

" I told you…Well, I told you're friend…as soon as I found out. I … couldn't tell you sooner…"

" Again, I know that." Faith moves away from the desk, moving back to the window, looking out. She calls over her shoulder. " I even know why you did it."

" Do you now?" Layne bluffs being tough, " Enlighten me then. Why'd I do it?"

" Drop the 'tude, Layne, if you want to walk out of this office."

Layne blanches.

"What's the difference? If you're gonna kill me, just do it and be done!"

Faith sighs, turning back into the room." You haven't been listening. That's a problem with you, Layne. You might want to work on that."

" Stop it. I've heard what's been going on around here. With the former Triad members. Don't sugar coat it, Faith."

" I said, you don't listen. Not that you're deaf, or stupid. What did I say…oh, five minutes ago? Think real hard now."

Layne thinks for a minute, then replies, quietly. " ' What do I do with you? ' " ?

" Close enough, " Faith says, walking behind her, putting her hands on Layne's shoulders. Layne flinches. " Relax, I'm not going to hurt you… right now."

Layne exhales heavily.

" It's not so easy with you. Not like the others. Oh, sure, you've heard rumors… I get that, " Faith says quietly, keeping her hands on Layne's shoulders," And I'm not going to confirm or deny them. You're clever, Layne, and bright, very bright, " Faith moves away from her, and back to her desk, where she perches on the edge again. " But you're kind of not too smart. If you were, you would've hedged your bets better. But you got greedy. You wanted it all, and saw your chance to knock me down. Sorry that didn't work out for you, " Faith's voice is dripping sarcasm.

Layne glares at her silently.

" Thing is, Layne, you're a problem for me, " Faith takes on a near conversational tone. " As a clan member, your life is mine to do as I see fit. For what you did, I have every right to come over and snap your neck. So fast, you wouldn't even feel it."

Layne touches her neck.

" Faster than that, " Faith says quietly. " But I don't want to do that."

Layne looks at her, surprised and suspicious. " You don't?"

" Oh, I had fantasies about it, I'll admit. Thinking what you did. They were nice, " Faith's voice is almost dreamy. Layne feels a chill running down her spine, " but no, not really. Don't really wanna do it."

" Since I'm thinkin' you've not become Mother Teresa all of a sudden, I have to wonder why?"

" There's that 'tude again, Layne. You really have to get over this " I'm too smart by half" thing you've got going." Faith sighs. " There's really two reasons I want you alive. First, and foremost, is Kira."

" Kira," Layne says, a note of disparagement in her voice. " Figures."

" Layne, I'd start thinking about your relationship with your sister. Because I care about her, and don't want to hurt her, well, that's a big reason you're still breathing. So, a bit of advice? I'd start treating her better… a lot better."

Layne hangs her head. " I know… I've treated her …" she sighs, and doesn't finish.

" Another reason is, if I kill you, I lose a pretty good resource. You need work, but you're a bright, clever and sometimes smart person. Someone good on their feet. Not all that common these days, it seems. I hate to just throw away a valuable resource so quickly."

" I don't understand, " She says, looking up, not believing her ears. " You want me to…what? Stay around?"

"Ahhh…there's the problem. You see, you've betrayed me once. How can I trust you again?"

" I dunno," Layne says simply.

" Oh, I think you do know. You're not stupid, no matter what I just said. You're smart. The answer is… I don't"

"Eh?"

" Oh, come on. You think we make up, air kiss ,and all is forgiven?" Faith shakes her head. " no, not that easy. I don't trust you Layne, and that just gives me more problems. Now, I can't kill you, because of what I said before. If I fire you, what's to keep you from coming back at me again? Not like you haven't done it before, and I didn't even fire you. So I keep getting fewer and fewer choices. Won't kill you… at least, not now… won't fire you…." Faith shrugs, " frankly, can't trust you much out of my sight… figuratively, that is. So I'm thinking, I'm going to have to keep you on…"

Layne's jaw drops.

" Fashion tip? You look better with that closed."

Layne closes her mouth.

" Better. So, what do you think?"

Layne shakes her head. " I don't get it. You're not firing me, you're not going to kill me…"

" Don't get too comfortable, that option isn't completely off the table"

Layne swallows hard, and continues, "… you're keepin' me on. I frankly don't know what to think…" She pauses. " I guess thank you is in order…"

" Don't thank me yet. Have you ever seen _The Godfather_ ? "

"What?"

" Movie, 1972. Marlon Brando, James Caan, Al Pacino. About the Mafia?"

" What does that have to do with…?"

" There's a quote from it that applies here. It's been credited to Sun Tzu, and even Machiavelli. It goes something like " Keep your friends close, but keep your enemies even closer." I just kinda like the Italian connection, though, if you get my drift, " Faith rubs Layne's bigotry in her face, " the point is, you're staying on… and you'll be reporting to your sister, Kira. In short, she's in charge of you. Kinda just, somehow, considering…" Faith comes back over to Layne, and squats down next to her. " It'll be up to her what happens to you next. I mean, career-wise. If you prove yourself trustworthy, we'll see about giving you more responsibility. I'm just a… how'd you put it? " Half Irish, half Italian half breed bitch." Something like that, anyway… but I'm fair, you know? Prove that I can trust you, and I will… otherwise…" She doesn't finish.

" I guess it's better than the alternative…" Layne doesn't look overjoyed.

" It's better than you deserve, frankly, " Faith says. Before Layne can blink, Faith's behind her, hands resting lightly on her neck. " don't disappoint me. I'm not a demon that can't shoot straight, Layne. If I find out anything I don't want to hear about you…" she gently squeezes… just enough so Layne gets the point. " You won't know when it's coming… but it'll come…"

Layne gasps, just as Faith releases her neck. The phone rings, and Faith moves to answer it.

" We're done here, " Faith says dismissively. She answers the phone.

" Thank you, Faith, " Layne rises. She starts to say more.

" We're done here, " Faith nods towards the door. Layne gets the hint, and turns to leave.

She almost reaches the door when she hears a gasp. Turning around, she sees Faith, sitting at her desk, face white.

" What is it?" Layne asks. Faith doesn't answer, so she moves closer. " Are you alright?"

Faith looks up, her face pale. Her eyes look hollow, and a tear is just forming.

" It's about my grandfather. He just died."

* * *

Boston, Mass. 

St. Francis deSales Cemetery.

Faith stands at the graveside as the priest intones the graveside ritual.

On her arm is Mrs. Jane Jeffries, Henry's widow. She looked older, somehow. And shrunken, as if Henry's passing sucked a part of her life with it. Scattered about the grave were friends, relatives and people who, like Henry, had been ' in service'. It was a good size group; Henry had been much loved by those who knew him.

Faith didn't really pay much attention to the ceremony. Her mind was elsewhere, her attention caught by the trees swaying in the wind. _The wind _she thought, as the cold stiff breeze blew against her face _thought I left that in Ireland… but it seems to have followed me here. What does it mean?_

It didn't really much matter what she is thinking. She's trying to get through, cope with her grandfather's death. It hit her much harder than she expected.

It's funny how death can edit memories. Gone was the bad time, the time when she learned for sure who and what she was, the shock and pain she went through. All she can remember is the good times they had, even when she didn't know who he was. She wonders why it takes death to knock down the walls, to bring some peace to one's heart. It had been the same with her grandmother. It wasn't until the very end that she began to understand her, began to really try to forgive her. She wonders if it would always be like that.

A tugging on her sleeve brings her back to the now. She accompanies Mrs. Jeffries to the side of the casket, where it sits on the platform waiting to be lowered into the ground. Mrs. Jeffries places a rose on the casket, and Faith follows suit. They back away, allowing the other mourners to do likewise. Soon the top of the casket is covered in roses. As the priest finishes the burial service, the casket was slowly lowered into the grave, symbolizing Henry's transition from this life to the next. _Whatever that means, _Faith thinks, a slight bitterness in her heart.

"Are you alright, Faith?" Mrs. Jeffries asks, looking up at Faith with concerned eyes.

Faith looks into the light blue eyes of Mrs. Jeffries and smiles. _It was always like her to be that way, more concerned with other's pain, rather than her own. _

" I'm fine, Mrs. J. Just a little off, I guess." Faith sighs, " I wasn't really expecting this."

" I don't believe he ever really got over Miss Margaret's death," Jane Jeffries says, quietly, " He took it very hard. No wonder, as he loved her so."

Faith's head whirls towards Mrs. Jeffries, her look under other circumstances would be described as priceless.

" You knew? About them?" Faith's totally flabbergasted.

Jane Jeffries makes a disbelieving face. " Of course I knew, Faith. I'm old, not a fool." She smiles at her.

" But…but…" Faith stutters, " How? I mean… why? I don't understand. If you knew he loved her, why did you stay with him? "

" It's simple, Faith. I loved Henry Jeffries. I did from the day I met him," Jane Jeffries says, " Funny thing is, you don't choose who you love, you're chosen. I didn't know at first why he seemed so…sad. But after awhile I glommed on the reason, as you kids would say. Don't get me wrong, Faith. Henry never gave me a minute's heartache. He was loyal and devoted to me, never gave me cause for jealousy. He loved me, I know, in his own way. As much as he was capable. He was a good man, Faith, and I'll always love him."

Faith looks at this petite woman in wonder, and suddenly she feels very young, as this woman seems to stand many heads taller than she. She wonders if her grandfather knew how much Mrs. Jeffries… Jane… had loved him. She wonders if he realized how lucky he was to be loved so well by two strong women. It makes her heart ache all the more for Willow.

" Faith, dear, I notice you're friend, Miss Willow, isn't here?" Jane looked concerned. " I was wondering if everything was ok between you two?"

Faith is tempted to gloss things over. Now wasn't the time to bring her love life to Mrs. Jeffries. But as she gazes into Mrs. Jeffries face, seeing the genuine concern there, she feels the wall she uses to protect herself crack.

" I … I really don't know, Mrs. J. I've been in Ireland these last few months, but we had some… disagreements before I left."

Jane's face becomes firm, reminding Faith of Willow's ' resolve' face. If the circumstances weren't so sad, she'd be laughing. As is , she smiles as Mrs. Jeffries pulls her away from the graveside.

Jane reaches into her purse, and pulls out a long legal sized envelope. She hands it Faith. Faith notes it bears her name.

" This is from Henry. When he realized he was dying, he sat down one night and wrote this to you. I haven't read it, figuring it was private. He knew, considering, that you wouldn't require money, but he included some personal things he thought you might like to have, " Jane gives Faith a sidelong glance, " I was going to give it to you at the Wake. But I think maybe you should have it now. Take some time to read it, and do some thinking. I think I know what he says, but… again, I haven't read it." She smiles." I will see you at the Wake, won't I?"

Faith nods, " In a little while. I'll be there after awhile." She indicates the envelope, " Thank you for this, Mrs. J."

" Please, Faith, after all these years, I think you can call me Jane."

" Right Mrs. … er.. .Jane. Sorry, but you'll always be Mrs. J. to me" She smiles ruefully, " Old habits, you know."

" It's ok, dear, I understand, " Jane reaches out and squeezes Faith's arm. " Try not to be too long, ok Faith? I'd love to catch up with you before you leave, find out what you've been up to."

Jane turns, and walks back to the graveside to say her final goodbyes to Henry.

Faith turns away from the grave, contemplating the envelope in her hand. She walks away some distance, to give herself some privacy.

_I've been in so many graveyards in my life, fighting vampires and demons, often risking my life. So why do I feel more fear now than ever before?_ She looks at the envelope, dreading what new surprise might be in store for her. Not caring about propriety at the moment, she sits down on the grass.

She opens the envelope hesitantly, as if something will pop out and bite her. She looks inside, and pulls out a small silver crucifix. Attached is a note with the legend. " This belonged to your Grandmother. I know she'd want you to have it." Laying the envelope aside, she takes the crucifix and puts it on her neck. She slid it down below her dress. Retrieving it again, she opens the envelope and finds… a packet of photographs.

They're of people, some she recognizes, some obscure. She recognizes one of herself, dressed in the boarding school uniform, sticking her tongue out at the camera. _So pretty, Faith,_ she chuckled. She finds another one, of a young girl she doesn't recognize. She looks vaguely familiar. She turns it over, and on the back is written " Sarah, age 7". Her mother. She turns it over and realizes why she looks familiar. She looks a lot like Faith at that age. Looking through others, she sees an old picture, in black and white, of a handsome couple posed by an old car. She turns it over, and it reads: " Me and Maggie, 1952 ". Turning it over, she studies them, her grandparents, looking so young. _They looked so right together, god. _She shakes her head sadly. She puts the pictures away, having enough of this memory lane trip. She pulls out a two page letter, and opens it.

**_Dearest Faith,_**

**_Hello dear one . I guess if you're reading this letter, I've already passed on. Please try not to be too sad for me, sweetheart, because I've been lucky. I've had a good life, and had a good wife in Jane by my side. I'm happy, and ready for what awaits me beyond._**

**_I'm sorry I didn't get in contact with you before, darling. Jane was after me to call you and tell you, but I knew you were busy, doing important things. I believed I would have more time. Funny how that never seems to work out as you think it will._**

_Damn you, grandfather. Do you think anything was more important than seeing you again, one more time?_

_**I know you probably think you're grandmother and I are a pair of fools. Thinking back now, looking over my life, I would probably have to agree with you. I've had a lot of time to think over these last few months, and I realize that I missed a chance at a life that might have been very different, and maybe in some ways, happier for all concerned.**_

**_I love Jane, my wife. She's been the finest wife a man could have. No one could ask for better. I fear I've cheated her, however. Because I could never fully give her my heart, and considering how she's stuck by me all these years, she deserved that at the least. I'm a bad man, Faith, because despite it all, I never stopped loving your grandmother. I was weak. I should've left the Delano service long ago, but I couldn't be separated from either your grandmother, or my daughter, Sarah. I should've been more of a man, a good man. But I wasn't. I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me. I hope Jane can forgive me too, god bless her._**

Faith shakes her head. _She loves you still, and I do too. Forgive what? Loving me, and my mother, and even my grandmother?_

**As I've said, I've done some pretty foolish things in my life, but I can only think of two things that I really regret.**

**The first is never marrying Margaret, your grandmother. I was weak, there is no other excuse for it. I could say it was because in those days, it was still frowned upon. I could say, it was because I never could give her what she was born to. I could use all the stupid excuses, but in the end, it was because I was afraid and weak. If you have to blame anyone for this farce, dear Faith, blame me. You're grandmother wanted to marry me, but I refused. I wouldn't do it, and not for the noble reasons I'm sure she filled your head with.**

_Still defending the grandmother to the end, huh, Henry?_ Faith has to smile, just a little.

**The other thing I regret, is something you don't know. That night, when you came to us, upset about everything? When you took off after learning about yourself, upset and angry. I did something that I'm ashamed of. Willow did come that night, looking for you, desperate to find you.**

_Huh?_

**Not long after you left that night, she arrived at the door. You didn't need to be a psychic to tell she was worried about you, and that she loved you so much. She needed to see you, reassure you everything was alright, but I thought you needed to … well, needed time alone. To digest everything that Margaret told you. So I lied to her, Faith. I told her you had been here, but that you said you didn't want to see her, that you needed to be alone. That you told us to tell her not to follow you.**

**I thought I was doing the right thing for you. I really did. But when I saw the look in her eyes, the way she looked like someone had just crushed her heart, I wanted to take it back. I knew I'd done wrong. Oh god, I was so wrong!**

_It wouldn't have mattered. I'm a chip off the old block, lying to her later. Telling her I didn't need her…_

**I hope someday you can forgive me, Faith. I really do. But please, I'm asking you to do one thing for me, as a last request. **

**I don't know if you ever found her again, and got together… after you left Boston. But if you didn't, please don't be a fool, like your grandparents. I don't know much, darling granddaughter, but I know she loves you. Loves you with all her heart. Don't let her go. Don't be a fool, like I was. I know you have this destiny, but I can tell you from experience. You can't be a hero if your heart isn't in it. And I know that if you don't have that young lady by your side, you'll never have your heart again.**

**Find her. Go wherever she is, and if you have to, get on your knees and beg her to take you back. I know you love her. I could see it in your eyes, hear it in your voice when you spoke of her. Whatever it takes, Faith, to get her back, do it. Do it as if your life depended on it. Believe an old fool when he says, it does.**

**I guess that's all, honey. Wherever I wind up, just know I love you, and will be looking out for you. I love you now, and I always will. **

**Be happy, Faith. You certainly deserve it.**

**With all my love,**

**Henry.**

By the time she reaches the end of the letter, Faith can no longer read it. The tears are blurring her vision. It's as if someone had come with a sledgehammer and punched through the walls she had carefully built up around her heart. Somehow, once again, her family had managed to turn her life upside down. She feels helpless and alone, sitting in the graveyard.

After a long time, she pulls herself together, returning the letter to the envelope. She thinks it's appropriate that she read it here, because she knows that her old life, the life she's been living, is dying. It needs to be buried so she can start her new life.

Faith has finally found her independence. She realizes it doesn't mean you have to be alone. It means you have to realize what's important, really important to you, and focus on that.

Faith knows what's important now. Standing up, she feels incredibly light. Her heart feels free. For the first time she can remember, she doesn't feel as if the world is pressing down on her. Standing straight and tall, she strides to her grandfather's graveside. It's deserted except for the burial crew, who are beginning to fill in the hole.

As she watches them cover the grave, she thinks about her grandmother, the day she died. How sad it was, watching her, regressing back to a time when she was happy. The only time she'd ever been happy. She remembers her own life, how miserable she'd been. How all she ever wanted was someone to love her. Not because of her family. Not because they had to; just love her because they loved her.

She thinks of Willow. Her smile, how it lights up her heart. How her eyes capture her and drink her in. How she feels in her arms, how happy she makes her. She thinks how close she's come to losing her, and for a minute, her heart chills. She gets an image of herself, looking like her grandmother, alone in a great house. Alone and bitter and hating herself. She shivers.

She looks down at the grave, now covered, and kneels close to it. Reaching out, she touches the freshly turned earth.

" Thank you, Grandfather. I get it now. I really do."

Standing up, she brushes herself off. She turns, and not looking back, walks away.

It was time, way past time, to go home.

* * *

Los Angeles, California 

2 weeks later.

It was near sunset when the rider pulled up in front of the Hyperion hotel.

Parking the Harley Road King near the entrance, she jumps off the bike and doffs the helmet. Shaking out her long raven colored tresses, she stands for a moment, drinking in the place.

It's been a long time since she's been here. Too long.

After her grandfather's wake in Boston, Faith decided she needed time to think, really think, about what she wanted to do with her life now. The only sure thing, the only thing set, was to get back to Willow. Somehow, she had to make it up to her, make her realize that she was number one in her life. So, instead of flying to L.A., she decided she'd ride. It would give her time to get things clear in her mind.

Three days into the journey, she realized that possibly she made a serious mistake in judgment. There is nothing like riding an open bike through the Midwest in early November. Snow, rain, sleet, hail. The four dreaded words to a biker. All hit her on her journey; often times she spent a night or two holed up until the weather cleared up enough to be passable.

Finally she decided to head south, where the weather was a little better this time of year. Texas… well, west Texas is always a hoot and a half, never mind the imminent tornadoes. Once she got into New Mexico, however, the sky cleared up pretty much, and she started actually making time. She always loved the desert; it's stark beauty and rough wildness appealed to her sense of freedom. She especially loved the nights, when the stars would light the sky with a cold fire. Even though she froze her ass off, she spent more than one night camping out in the desert. The night sky reminded her of that special night she and Willow spent on the bluff, celebrating the beauty of the heavens.

The morning she hit the California border, she called the Hyperion, letting them know she would probably be there sometime late in the afternoon. The only bad thing was she wasn't able to talk to Willow. When she asked after her, she just got some vague answers about her being out. She tried to shrug it off, figuring that everyone was just a little surprised to hear from her. Maybe a little surprised she was going to be there this afternoon. Still, a little gnawing feeling started in the pit of her stomach.

Riding up the 5 freeway from San Diego, Faith could feel the 'vibe' of L.A. long before she actually reached the city. The dominate landscape was freeways and buildings; very little of natural landscape peeped through. The difference between here and Boston was enormous. Here, historical buildings mean those not knocked down and built over in the last 30 years. Everything was now; then was illegal in L.A. Still, there was an undercurrent of excitement that couldn't be found anywhere else she'd been. She missed it, more than she realized.

Standing here now in front of the Hyperion, that gnawing feeling has grown. She's nervous, no doubt about it . Her tummy is doing a full aerobic workout, and she paces briefly on the sidewalk, working up the cool to go inside. She didn't know what to expect; she was finding in certain things, she really didn't like surprises.

_What's it gonna be like? Will she even want to see me? God, I wish I hadn't left like I did. That was… crappy. Then she and Buffy and Kira went and covered my butt while fighting… and saved my ass, thank you. And when I talked to her on the phone right after, everything seemed good… but then things got weird again._ Faith couldn't put it together.

At first, right after the Cammaragh, Willow seemed … well, like Willow. Sweet and warm, Faith could almost hear her brilliant smile over the phone. It was great, for awhile. But as time dragged on, and as Faith stayed on in Ireland, things got… less great. It wasn't that Willow got petulant or angry, just seemed to get sad… then sadder… then started withdrawing, as if talking to Faith was … painful. The more distant Willow became, the more Faith tried to reach out and pull her back in. But it didn't help; the phone calls became less frequent, and shorter. Then stopped. When she left Ireland, Faith hadn't spoken to Willow in nearly 3 weeks.

Dammit. When I called , she wouldn't talk to me. Why? Oh, I know they said she wasn't there, but that's just bogus. They sounded like they were I know she must've been there… why didn't she want to talk to me? What did I do? Is she mad at me? How'd I make her mad at me? Oh shit… did she… does she know what I've been doing there? Did someone tell her? Is that it? She thinks I'm… oh crap, this SUCKS! I hate this! Why'd I come here? What's the point, if Red's gonna just..

Faith eye's her bike. For a moment, a strong temptation to hop on it, and just say " Fuck it " to all of this rises in her. Hopping on it, firing it up and making for the farthest place from here, sounds really good to her right now. She starts towards the bike, her face reflecting her indecision and confusion.

_Never wanted this. Never wanted ANY of this. All I wanted to be was left the fuck alone!_

_Alone. Like your grandmother was alone? Dying with no one to really care? Losing your mind in the end, because the now is too fucking awful to deal with. That kind of alone?_

Faith closes her eyes, seeing her grandmother's last moments, escaping into the past because, in the end, all of it meant nothing, nothing if there was no one to share it with. Nothing.

Faith shakes her head. _No, can't. Won't end up like that. I won't lose the one thing I love in this world, because I'm too fucking scared to face the consequences. I …_

Faith turns on her heel, face set, and strides towards the front door. Moving through the garden, she pauses a second.

What the fuck? No lights? Where the hell is everybody? Shit, they must've taken off… forgot I was comin'. Well, aint that just swell? I don't think I got a key to this place with me. Well, fuck me dead. Now what?

Faith stands there for a moment, trying to look into the now gloomy looking lobby. Her slayer sense kicks in. Something just isn't right here, she thinks to herself looking in. Carefully, she edges up to the glass, cupping her hands around her face to see better. She thinks she sees movement inside, and ducks down quickly. This isn't good! She carefully edges through the shadows, making for the lobby door. Reaching out, keeping herself low, she pushes on the door. OPEN! Fuck , now I know this isn't good! Staying low, she edges into the dark, deserted lobby…

**! SURPRISE !**

**

* * *

**

" I think she's coming"

One of the training slayers rushes into the lobby, having been playing look out in front of the hotel.

" I saw her on a bike, turning onto the street. She'll be here any minute!"

Buffy looks around at the group of slayers , and starts barking orders. " Ok, everybody. This is it. Get into position, and make sure you're not seen from the front. Somebody, get the lights. " She looks up at the banner, and sighs. It's still not straight._ God, when they went to slayer school, didn't they teach them how to hang a banner. Ah well, no time to fix it now._

Buffy watches as the group of girls disperse into various hiding places around the lobby. The light's go out, and she makes for the spot she saw Kira hiding by.

" Faith is going to be sooo jazzed," Buffy gloats, in a very soft voice.

Kira grunts non committaly. Buffy, barely able to see her face in the dark, still can sense she's not onboard with this.

" What?" She says, in a whisper, a little peevishly.

" Nothing" Kira says quietly, staring at the front lobby windows.

" No, it's not nothing… what's wrong?" Buffy whispers, tugging on Kira's sleeve so she'll face her.

" Buffy, I'm really not liking this. Do you think this is the best idea, throwing her a surprise party, all considered?"

" No, that's why I'm doing it. Because I think it's a crappy idea!" The sarcasm is plain.

" Don't be that way, Buffy. I just mean, how much party down is she going to feel when she learns about Willow?"

" Yeah, well, I'm thinking she'll need something to cheer her up. God, what? Wanna just dress in black and get all somber and tell her? Maybe this way at least, she won't go nuclear… or crazy or something…"

" Yeah, instead it's going to be ' Surprise! Welcome back. Great party huh? oh, by the way, Willow dumped you?'

" Maybe we can get through the party without telling her…"

" Oh, right. She's not going to notice that Willow's not at a party in her honor… right," Kira catches the irony bug.

" Fine. Then we'll just tell everybody the party's off, and the funeral can begin, ok?" Buffy's tone is a little hurt, " look, the girls wanted to do this for her. What was I gonna do? Play scrooge or something? She deserves it. Maybe somehow, if we think, you with that big brain of yours, we can figure a way to tell her away from the others, and find a way to take some of the sting out of it. God, I don't know…"

" Buffy, that isn't what I…" Kira begins, but is interrupted.

" SHHHHH! She's here!" One of the girls stage whispers.

The group sits and waits for Faith to come through the door.

And wait.

And wait.

Finally, the door edges open, and someone slips inside the lobby.

**! SURPRISE !**

The lights went up, catching Faith in a half crouch by the door. The look on her face was worth a million. It was that expression of surprise, consternation and just downright pissed off only Faith could manage.

" What the fu ---" was all she got out before being surrounded by 2 dozen slayers, who proceeded to lift her and carry her into the hotel lobby.

" Ok, ok what the hell is going on here?" Faith half growls, half giggles as the training slayers carry her in. She looks up and sees a slightly crooked banner that reads:

" WELCOME HOME, FAITH. YOU DA BOMB THAT KNOCKED OUT THE BUM AND GOT IT DONE!"

Despite herself, her face lights up and she starts to laugh. _God, who the hell thought that up?_ Still and all, despite the 'tude, it's easy to see that Faith is rather pleased with it all.

" Let me down, for god's sake…" Faith barks, trying to get her feet back on the floor, " put me the hell down!" But she's laughing.

The girls comply, but then start peppering her with questions about the fight, how'd she do it, was she scared, what's she been doing… finally Faith raised her hands up.

" God, enough, " She laughs, " I just got back. Tell ya what, one of these days we'll have a big girl scout campout and weenie roast and swap war stories 'round the campfire, 'k?" Faith starts to try to muscle her way through the crowd when a loud " AHEM" is heard, and the girls, seemingly on cue, part. Buffy and Kira move down the aisle of girls, one carrying a package, the other pushing a cart carrying a rather large cake. The cake has a depiction of Faith , holding up a sword, fighting a demon. The legend on the cake reads " Da Bomb drops back home". It has lots and lots of candles on it.

"What the hell is this?" Faith looks at Buffy and Kira, and a grin spreads over her face. " Shoulda known you two were behind this. This so stinks of you." She shakes her head and grins, waving at the cake and candles. " What the hell is this? It's not by birthday, for Christ's sake! "

Buffy just grins.

Kira just grins.

Faith rolls her eyes. " Any excuse for cake, huh?" Leaning over, she blows out the candles. She looks at the box Buffy's holding, " So, what's that?"

" A little something we all chipped in on. For you" Buffy shoves the box toward Faith, who grabs it up, smiling. She tears at the paper, and inside is a hand polished oak box. Opening it, she looks down at the contents.

It's a long silver dagger, with an ebony handle. Its blade is filigreed with gold leaf, with an ornate pommel set with gems. Inscribed on the handle is the following legend:

"_Fides triumphus super nex_" ( Faith triumphs over death)

For the briefest second, she looks at the weapon, a strange expression on her face. But it quickly disappears and she smiles broadly, holding up the dagger.

" Wicked cool!" Faith says, waving it over her head. The girls applaud. " Thanks. This is really…" She trails off, seeming to be caught up in her emotions. She carefully returns the ornate dagger to its case and sets it on the reception desk. For a second, she stands, rubbing her hand lightly over the case. When she turns back, her face is all smiles.

" So, what's the hold up? Let's get this party rockin' " She calls out.

The crowd breaks up, moving into little groups. Someone sets up a boom box for music. Some girls head for the kitchen for plates and glasses, one carrying out a large punch bowl. Others move about, chatting. The party's underway.

Faith, a smirk on her face, moves over towards Buffy and Kira, wrapping her arms around their shoulders.

" You two are so dead, you got that, right?" She says calmly, " I do hope you brought some more adult stuff than cake and punch…" She looks from face to face.

" Oh yeah," Buffy nods towards the office.

" Good work, " Faith nods. She looks around at the crowd.

" So where's Red?"

* * *

A few hours later, Faith is sitting out in the garden, looking in on the party still in progress in the lobby. Next to her on the stone fountain is a bottle containing some clearish amber liquid. It's pretty evident she's done some serious damage to the contents. Her face is somewhat flushed, and her eyes are a little unfocused. Her expression is grim. Sitting with her, but not right next to her is Buffy, also looking a little unfocused, but not as badly as Faith. Faith grabs the bottle, tilts it to her mouth, and takes another pull. She sets it down, and stares in at the party. 

" Well, aint this a hoot and a half, huh? Gotta say, this is one helluva welcome home, " Faith grins, lopsidedly. Her speech is somewhat slurred. She looks over at Buffy. " Hey, why you still out here, blondie? Go join the party, make… whatever" She chuckles and takes another pull.

" Naw, likin' it here, Faith, " Buffy says, her voice fuzzy, " Anyway you got the good stuff… why I wanna go back in for punch?"

" Lissen me, B, " Faith says, with an intensely serious expression, " Not like I can't take care of meself, ya know. Been doin' it like… forever. Don't need a babysitter now…" Faith slides the bottle over to Buffy. It nearly falls, but Buffy grabs it, taking a pull. She makes a face, but takes another. " Good one, blondie, thought that was a goner" Faith chuckles.

" No babysitting, Faithy. Just likin' the night air," Buffy exaggerates taking in a lungful of air. " Ahhh…." She coughs.

" C'mon, B. What? You think I belted with the stupid stick? I know Kira put you on guard duty ever since…"

Faith's mouth turns down, and she goes quiet. She reaches for the bottle, and realizing it's not there, looks towards Buffy. She reaches for it, loses balance, hits the bottle. It flies off the fountain, crashing onto the pathway, breaking. She looks at it mournfully.

" Ah, fuck me. I wassen done with that yet. Shit!" Faith looks at Buffy hopefully, " Got another?"

Buffy looks at Faith with concentrated seriousness. " Uh-uh. Cuttin' you off. You're drunk."

Faith makes a disgusted noise. " See. Tole ya. _Babysitter_. I know Kira sicced you on me to keep me from … whatever… I'm outta here…" Faith stands up, wherein the alcohol hits her, hard. " Whooo… funtime!" She slurs, weaving a little.

" Just where do you think you're going, Faith?" Buffy over-enunciates her words. She stands, also feeling the effects. " Gonna have to stop you, you know."

" Ya, right blondie. You and who's army? Gonna so not happen, " Faith shakes her head, moving towards the street exit. Buffy moves to block her. " Move it, B. Don't really want to hurt you." Faith shoves her out of the way.

" That'd be a first, " Buffy says, drunkenly determined, shoves her back.

" Get outta my way, Buffy. You don't know. Just stay out of it." Faith shoves her again.

" Don't shove me, Faithy, " Buffy shoves back, overbalancing and nearly falling down. She manages to remain standing.

" I said, get outta my way!" Faith, angry, throws a punch. It misses Buffy.

Buffy laughs.

" God, Faith, thas the best you can do?" She turns her back, waving her off, " you're pathetic."

Faith, furious at herself and Buffy, strides drunkenly over to Buffy, and grabs her shoulder. Buffy, working on instinct, whirls and throws a punch… missing Faith, who also threw a punch. Missing Buffy. They fall at each other, knocking their foreheads together.

" OW!" Buffy cries, angrily. She rubs her head

" SHIT!" Faith growls. She rubs her head

" Gotta find her. Gotta explain."

" Not letting you go, Faith. Not like this. You're too upset and drunk to think straight." Buffy gets up, going to Faith. She puts a hand on her shoulder. " Just stay. We'll get her back, get her to come back. I promise."

" She's not comin' back, Buffy. Didn't you listen when she spoke? I mean, really listen? She … hates me, Buffy… she thinks I'm… a monster… she prettied it up, but that's the facts, jack. She tole you that she… was killin' me? Fuck that, I'll die without her Buffy. Can't … won't… gotta talk to her, explain…"

Faith stands, looking down at her hands.

" What? Faith, she loves you… that's why she left. She thought that being here would…"

" Shut UP!" Faith turns on her, face red, " Stop it. IT'S A LIE, DON'T YOU SEE THAT?" Faith yells at her. She thrusts her hands out at Buffy, " You can see it; I know you can. SAY IT! YOU CAN SEE IT!"

She shoves Buffy, and sticks her hands in her face.

" See what? I don't see anything." Buffy backs up a step, batting Faith's hands away. " Yer nuts! "

" Screw this," Faith says, turning back towards the exit. " I gotta see her. I gotta go…"

Buffy runs and blocks her exit. Faith tries to dodge around her, but Buffy won't give ground.

" Dammit, Buffy, move. I can't play with you all night. I gotta go find her!"

" Faith , chill. We'll all go to her, tomorrow. I promise." Buffy approaches her, " just let me take you upstairs, you'll feel better after you've rested…"

"NOOO!"

Faith clasps her hands together, making one large fist. She swings on Buffy, meaning to hit her square in the face. But her timing and aim are off, and she misses. The force of the blow carries her, however, and she rams into Buffy , pushing the both of them into the Fountain.

That does it, for the both of them. They start to fight, but are so plastered, they can't really do any damage to each other. Frustration sets in, and they both start to slap each other, making more noise yelling than actually doing anything to each other.

A group of the mini slayers, hearing the commotion, line up at the windows to watch. They start cheering them on.

" FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!"

" Get her, Faith!"

" Knock her on her ass, Buffy!"

Kira sees the girls gathered around the windows, and goes to investigate. Her eyes go wide when she sees the fight.

The door to the lobby opens, a very upset Kira standing there, hands on hips.

"What's going on?"

" Your fucking girlfriend's in my way. Tell her to get the fuck outta my way, or…"

" Or what, Faith?" Buffy says, slapping her, " What're you gonna do?"

" I'll show ya, slayer!" Faith grabs Buffy by the shoulder and head butts her.

" OWWW!" Buffy cries. She grabs Faith, and returns the head butt. They start in at each other again.

" BUFFEE! FAITH!" Kira calls out, running to break them up.

" What in heaven…? "

Willow, backlit by the streetlights, is standing at the entrance to the garden, taking in the scene. She raises her arms.

" SEPARATE!"

The slayers fly apart. Faith flies backward in to Kira, knocking the both of them off their feet. Buffy flies towards Willow, who, prepared, stops her. Willow grabs Buffy, who starts back at Faith.

Faith, recovering, starts to get up, but Kira puts a bear hug on her.

" Well, damn. The prodigal daughter returns." Kira notices Willow for the first time. Her voice isn't particularly friendly, " Nice of you to drop by. Planning on leaving again soon?"

" What's going on?" Willow ignores Kira's remark, " Why're they fighting?"

" Do I really have to tell you, Willow?" Kira turns to her, still holding Faith back. " Three guesses, and the first two don't count!"

Willow looks stricken and guilty.

" Kira, stop!" Faith interjects, " It wasn't her fault, it was mine! If you wanna be mad, be mad at me."

Kira looks at Faith, then at Buffy, then finally at Willow. Her expression is pure disgust.

" Right now? You're both on my short list of not fave people." She shoves Faith away, and gives her a ' if you try anything I'll pound your ass, slayer or not' look. She walks over, and ignoring Willow, grabs Buffy, hauling her towards the lobby." Kind of pissed off, seeing my girlfriend attacked! You'll excuse me, won't you, if I take Buffy inside… before I say something I'll regret?"

She helps Buffy, who's rather wobbly. Slinging Buffy's arm over her shoulder, she leads her out. As they exit, Buffy looks back, and mouths at Faith " You hit like a girl." She winks.

Kira turns to her. " And you! Fighting like a drunken sailor! I ask you to do one little thing…"

" I'm sorry, baby."

The reach the lobby doors. Kira, seeing the slayers still bunched at the doors, explodes at them.

" Don't you have elsewhere to be?"

Startled, the slayers turn away from the glass, heading back into the lobby.

Faith stands staring into the lobby, not wanting to face Willow, not daring to. She feels ugly and drunk and dirty. Nervously, she balls up her hands, as if trying to hide something.

Willow, who's been standing silently throughout the whole scene, comes up behind Faith. She pulls Faith around to face her.

" What was this all about? Why were you fighting with Buffy? I leave for a little while, and … you get into a drunken brawl. With Buffy! Goddess, what's your problem?"

" No, don't. Don't touch me, please," Faith, unnerved, breaks away from Willow. She turns away, feeling ashamed. " God, I'm such a fuck up… all I wanted was to find you, to explain… I didn't mean to get in it with Buffy. I'm a fuck up, a totally stupid fucking fuck up. Drunk, and stupid… and…" Faith, at the maudlin phase of being drunk, starts to cry.

" Faith, please… don't cry, honey. I'm sorry, I really am, " Willow says to Faith's back, " but that's not really enough, is it? I hurt you, and I can't fix that, not with a sorry. God, what … I don't know what I was thinking. I only … I was afraid, Faith. Afraid I was hurting you, being here. Because you… oh god, you were in so much pain, and I was causing it. I didn't want to do that to you, I didn't want to hurt you anymore. I love you, and I couldn't bear thinking I was … killing you," Her voice drops low. She turns away from Faith. " Goddess, I tried. I tried to do the right thing, and leave. Let you do what you had to do, be who you had to be. I know you've got this destiny… and I was just mucking up the works for you… I wanted to do right by you, but … I'm weak, Faith. I left, yes, but when I got there? Back in San Francisco? I couldn't… I couldn't bear the emptiness. I felt so empty…everything was so cold and so… without you, it was all colorless. It was sterile and empty, and I was scared. Thinking of life without you… I couldn't deal. But I tried, I really tried to stay away, I did. I know you've got to be … free. I'm not any good for you… you worrying about me… I'm so fucking weak. I need you, Faith, I need you're help. I need you to help me do the right thing…"

Willow looks over at Faith, and stops cold. Faith is sitting on the bench, arms tightly crossed over her chest. She's rocking back and forth, staring at something only she can see. But it's Faith's face that freezes Willow's heart. Her eyes are wide with a hopelessness she's never seen there before. She looks like she's lost everything, alone.

Willow goes over to Faith, sitting next to her. Faith scoots away from her, as if touching her is deadly.

" Faith, what is it? What's wrong?"

" Don't you see? Their eyes, they're looking at me. God they hate me… God, I can't stop them from looking at me. Make them stop, please?" Faith turns to her. " Help me, please?"

" Faith, honey? What is it? Who's looking at you?" Willow reaches out, to take Faith in an embrace, but Faith blocks her arms. " Baby?"

" No… don't touch me… don't. You'll get… the blood on you…."

Willow pales. " The blood?"

" Oh god, they won't stop…" She turns to Willow, almost desperate for some confirmation. " You can see it, can't you?" She holds out her hands, palms up. " No matter how much I wash them, it won't wash off…" She lets her hands fall to her lap.

Willow takes her into an embrace.

" Help me?" Faith sounds almost childlike, " Please?"

She leans into Willow, and starts to sob.

" It's ok, Baby, it's ok now. I'm here."

Willow caresses her, trying to calm her down. But Faith seems inconsolable. Willow slides her arm around Faith, gently pulling her to her feet.

" C'mon, honey, your tired and upset. I'll help you upstairs. You'll feel better after you've had some sleep, " _And maybe a couple of pots of coffee._

She struggles with Faith, who's like a dead weight in her arms. They get about halfway to the lobby doors when Faith stops. She turns to Willow, her eyes unfocused. Her expression is puzzled.

" Do I know you? " She asks, sounding like a little girl, " You're nice".

Faith smiles a goofy smile. Then she frowns. " I been a bad girl."

Before Willow can do anything, Faith's eyes roll up in her head. She groans, and goes down, taking Willow with her. They wind up a heap on the garden path, Faith on top of Willow, unconscious. Willow is pinned under her, unable to move.

_Aw crap, now what do I do?_

Willow tries to shove her off, but it's no good. Finally she sighs, giving up.

" Help!" She calls out. Getting no response, she calls louder. " HELP!"

" CAN I GET A LITTLE HELP OUT HERE?"

* * *

To be continued. 


	29. Part 29

Independence

By Norwalker

Part 29 of

Summary: What did Willow and Faith discuss in that little car trip from L.A. to Sunnydale in season 7? And what were the consequences? A Willow/ Faith story

Rating: R, Very R

Category: romance/drama/angst

Spoilers: Possible season 7 spoilers. Possible season 4 Angel spoilers. C'mon, you must have seen 'em by now!

Time Line: Mid season 7(after the return of Faith) and beyond

Disclaimer: Joss Whedon , Mutant Enemy and Fox own them.

Warnings: Adult themes, violence, sexual situations between members of the same gender. Please be aware, character death is always a distinct possibility. It can happen here, so don't say I didn't warn you! Any racist remarks are spoken by the characters, and are in no way shared by the author. This story is not meant for children.

* * *

Los Angeles, CA.

Late the next morning.

If only the hammers would stop pounding in her head, she could think straight.

_What the fuck happened last night?_ Faith thinks to herself, keeping her eyes shut. She can feel the sunlight streaming on her eyes , and the brightness isn't helping her hangover._ I don't remember shit after going out into the garden to … fuck me, drink myself stupid. What the fuck was I thinking? And mescal? Shit! What the hell was I thinking, anyway? Drinking that crap? That stuff would make the Pope crazy. I must be nuts…what the fuck did I do, anyway? I don't even know how I got… where the hell am I, anyway?_

Faith squints out through one eye, feeling the stabbing knives of the sun. She looks around, and realizes she's in her room. _Oh thank god. I thought I… what the hell was I talking about? I seem to…god it's all woolly, but I seem to remember blood… oh, crap… did I really fight with Buffy? Or was that just….shit. What the hell was I saying last night? Shit, Kira was staring at me like she wanted to kill me… wasn't she? Shit, what … I must've… but goddamn me if I can… I remember… no… oh FUCK ! RED!_

Faith shoots straight up into a sitting position, then nearly vomits when her stomach rebels. She opens her eyes, and looks around. _Nothing! Oh thank god, it was just a hallucination…_ She grabs her head, to stop the room from spinning.

She's just about to lay down again when she hears the toilet flush. Her heart starts to beat faster in her chest. The bathroom door opens, and Willow walks out, fully dressed. She comes over to Faith.

" Hey, you're awake!" Willow smiles at her. " You were pretty… bad off last night."

" Oh god, " Faith groans, turning away. She tries to slink back under the covers. Last night slams back into her head… all of it.

_I'm a total moron!_

" Go 'way, I'm sick" Faith says , facing away from Willow.

" Yeah, after downing most of a bottle of mescal? I bet you're feeling pretty crappy, " Willow agrees, brightly. " Though I'm thinking, Buffy's feeling it a whole lot more."

" Aw shit," Faith whispers. _Fuck, I did fight with her. Good one, Faith._

" C'mon, up with you, " Willow leans over, trying to pull Faith up out of bed, " You need a shower, bad. You stink."

" Go' way, ok? I told you, I'm sick…" Faith gently pushes her away, turning and lying down again.

Her head feels like it's stuffed with steel wool, her eyes are grainy and her tongue feels thick and has been trampled on. Her stomach is doing flip flops. She clings to the pillows for safety.

" Faith, you'll feel better once you've had a shower, and gotten something to eat."

The mention of food makes Faith's stomach rebel. She can feel that dryness of the throat you get just before…

Faith jumps out of bed, nearly running over Willow. Dizzy, she stumbles to the bathroom. In seconds, retching can be heard.

Faith emerges from the bathroom a few minutes later. Her face is pale and drawn. Her eyes are bloodshot, her hair limp and matted. She's looking like she went six rounds with a Greyhound Bus. She walks stiff legged to the bed, plopping down in a sitting position. She puts her head in her hands.

" Ok fine. I'm up now, happy?" she half growls, half groans.

" I'll be a whole lot happier when you don't smell like a bar anymore, " Willow grabs her arm, getting her to stand. She gently pushes Faith towards the bathroom. " Go on, you'll feel better."

" Swell. Thanks loads, Mary Sunshine, " Faith slouches towards the bathroom. She stops before entering, casting an evil eye at Willow, " what the fuck you doing here anyway? I thought you wanted gone."

Willow pretends like that knife didn't hurt, " We'll talk after you've showered, " She said, keeping her tone light.

Faith mumbles something, and goes into the bathroom.

" I'm sorry, didn't hear that."

" You weren't supposed to, Ms. Nosey. But since you asked," Faith yells back, " I said, ' Super, maybe I'll drown in the shower' . "

Willow closes her eyes and bites her lip to keep from letting the remark cut her. She sits on the bed. _Not like you didn't have that coming, Will._ She lies back on the bed, and even through the reek of sweat and stale liquor, can smell Faith. She sighs. _Well, Ms. Brilliant, what're you gonna say to her? I mean, something she'll believe as to why you took off? Good one, Willow. Just run when it gets tough huh? Oh, and blame it on her, and that you think you're doing the right thing. Yeah, that's real swell. You sure helped her deal, didn't you? So, here's the question. Ever gonna grow up, and face your problems, or gonna keep playing games, and hide? _Willow closes her eyes. _If she's smart, she'll probably boot my ass outta here, be a whole lot better off without. Sure, and that'll just give you another excuse to be the tragic victim, right, Willow? That's really facing things head on, right?_

" HEY! If you're gonna make me shower, think you can bring me a towel? And some clothes? Be real nice!" Faith shouts over the shower.

Willow jumps out of bed, heading towards the dresser. She gets out some underwear, then heads for the closet for some clothing. She looks around through a few places, and finds where Faith stores the towels.

" Today would be nice"

" I just found the towels, hold on, " Willow calls, running for the bathroom. Standing at the door, she offers the pile to Faith.

" I'm still in the shower, Red. Just bring them in and put them somewhere. God, it's not like you haven't seen me naked before."

Willow puts the clothing on the closed toilet, then exits back into the room. Feeling awkward, she wanders around the room, just picking up stuff and then setting it down. She comes to a table with a picture on it. It's a picture of her and Faith, posing by their motorcycles, just before they took off from California to Boston. She smiles. _She still has this? Thought she would've burned it by now. Why can't we go back to then? When we were just starting out?_

" Things were a lot less crappy then, weren't they?" Faith seems to read her thoughts.

" Yeah," Willow replies, sadly. She sets the picture down and turns.

Faith is standing by the bathroom door, still drying her hair. She looks at Willow through bleary eyes.

" Well, you're right. I feel better. Still crappy, but a smaller pile now, " Faith says. She looks around. " Who do I gotta kill to get some coffee?"

" Faith!" Willow says, looking pained.

" Oh for god's sake, lighten up, Red. God, isn't life shitty enough without the melodrama?" Faith walks over to the smallish kitchen area, and looking at the pot, quickly throws together a pot. She stands, back to Willow, staring at the pot, trying to make it go faster.

Willow stands nervously, not knowing what to say or do. She doesn't want to piss off Faith any further.

Faith, tired of waiting, takes out the pot and quickly pours the half done coffee. She brings it to her mouth, and makes a face when she tastes it. Still, she brings it with her when she goes to sit at the table. She looks up at Willow expectantly.

" Well? You wanted to talk."

Willow walks over to the table, standing uneasily in front of Faith.

" Sit down will you? I really don't want to look up at you while you're talking."

Willow sits, across from Faith.

" I really don't know what to say, " Willow, nervous, twists a strand of her hair.

" Well, that's a first. Usually you've got an opinion on everything, " Faith sighs. " So what's this crap they giggle twins told me? About you bailing because you thought being around was gonna what? Kill me?"

" Yeah, " Willow nods, realizing how stupid it sounds now, out loud.

" Well, that's a load, Red. Got anymore happy horseshit you wanna spread around?"

" Not a load, Faith, I felt it, I could feel what it …"

" Feel. What? What're you babbling about, feel? When did you become Miss Cleo?"

" Faith, when we joined with you, each of us joined with a part of you. Buffy, your strength, Kira with your vision, and I joined with your heart. When the spell ended, the other's connections with you broke. But mine didn't. I stayed joined with your feelings and emotions."

Faith just stares at her.

" Honestly, Faith. I felt what you felt. I knew when you were happy, when you were sad… I felt what you felt when you 'terminated' those Triad members…"

Faith closed her eyes tightly. Her mouth twisted into a frown.

" … the anger, the shame, how you felt used and dirty…"

Faith balls her fists on the table.

" … I felt how you hurt. How when you thought of me, how it tore you apart. How you wanted to see me, but were afraid to see me, let me see that part of you… the killer in you. You were afraid that if I saw it… I would run from you. Or, if you lost control…" Willow shakes her head, " You might harm me. It was tearing you apart. So I…"

Faith interrupts her.

" Bullshit!"

Willow goes wide eyed.

"What?" Willow looks perturbed.

" That's crap, Red, and you know it. I don't have to be Miss Cleo to figure that out."

" That's so not true!" Willow flushes angrily, " I'm telling you the truth!"

" You're telling me the lie you told yourself, Red. Sure, I'm not saying I didn't feel those things, but that's not why you ran, and if you wanna be honest with yourself… you'll know that."

" You think I'd lie about something like this? You think it didn't hurt to leave? Ask Buffy. God, ask Kira. I asked her to look into your future, and she saw nada, nothing. If things didn't change, you didn't have a future. What was I supposed to do? Hang around and let you go mad…or worse? God, I can't believe you're saying this." Willow, furious, gets up from the table. Right now she wants to slap Faith silly. She walks away from the table before she acts on impulse.

" Kinda hurts, don't it, Red?" Faith stands, " the truth"

Willow whirls around. " I told you the truth!"

" Yeah, I really think you convinced yourself of that," Faith says, softly, " I think you really believe it. It's a pretty fairy story, easy to live with. When you're by yourself, you can tell yourself that ' hey, I was doing what was right. I was trying to save her'. But thing is, Red? It won't last. You can't keep lying to yourself, deluding yourself. Gotta face the truth sometime."

" Why are you doing this?" Willow hisses at her, " Why're you being so awful? You're calling me a liar!"

" Because, I love you . I love you more than … anything I've ever loved before. I love you, and I won't let anyone lie to you… not even yourself."

" I'm. not. lying " Willow's tone grows cold, precise. " You're a fine one to talk about lying!"

" What do you mean?" Faith asks, shoving down her irritation.

" How 'bout when you left me… back in Indiana, when you came to my Grandmother's house? Oh, you were leaving me because you were afraid you'd hurt me. God, what a load of crap!" Willow's face goes blotchy with anger. " You were afraid I'd reject you, after what happened. You couldn't deal with it, so you took the noble route… and dumped me!"

" You're right, I lied, " Faith admits, " but we already had that conversation."

" Ok, what about Buffy?"

" What about Buffy?" Faith asks, not catching that curveball.

" When Buffy went ballistic in the hotel months back. When she admitted how she felt about you, all that time. What about YOUR feelings, Faith? We never talked about that, did we? We never had that out. Don't even pretend that you never had feelings for her! I know better!"

" You're right. We didn't talk about that. Yes, I have had feelings for Buffy."

Willow stands open mouthed. She never expected Faith to admit it … not so easily.

" When you fight with, and against, someone like Buffy and I fought, it's impossible to feel nothing, Willow. Yes, I had feelings for Buffy… there are some residual feelings I have for her. That's true. It's also true YOU have feelings for her, honey. You've been with her forever, been best friends forever, closer than she and I ever were. So, it's not all just me. Is it?"

Willow stares at her.

" But the difference is, Willow, I love YOU. I had… have feelings for Buffy, but I love YOU." Faith sighs, " I'll always care about Buffy, but when push comes to shove, I'll choose you over her any day, every day, for the rest of my life."

" You love me, but you call me a liar," Willow's not mollified. " But you're the biggest liar of all."

Faith just smiles, " How do you figure?"

" Oh, I dunno… what about the Cammaragh? You remember that, don't you?" Willow glares at her. " We were supposed to be in this together, that's what couples do, right? Stick together, good times and bad? But you shut me out. You were going to go and do this, without telling me. You made it out like a business meeting, for god's sake. "

" I had to. It wasn't something I could tell you."

"No! That's a lie. You could've told me. You could've included me, but you didn't. You were going to do this, and not let me in… you lied to me, and how'm I supposed to take that?"

Faith doesn't say a word.

" C'mon, Faith. You know all the answers. That's what you've been yanking me around about. You called me a liar, but when it comes down to it, you lied big time to me. You thought you could just get away with it, go off to Ireland and do it, and I'd never be the wiser. Didn't you? DIDN'T YOU!"

Faith just looks at her calmly.

" What's wrong, Faith? Can't think up another lie? You know you lied to me, you know you did. You say you wanted to protect me, but that's just another lie, wasn't it? You were going to go away, and leave me behind, weren't you? Why? Why did you just leave me behind?"

" I couldn't let you risk it. You'd get hurt."

" LIAR! You were going away, and leaving me behind. Just like she did!"

" Who?" Faith says softly.

" TARA. YOU WERE GOING TO DIE AND LEAVE ME ALONE, LIKE SHE DID!"

For a moment, both stand facing each other, frozen.

" That's it, isn't it, Willow? That's the real reason, isn't it?"

Willow starts to shake her head.

" It wouldn't matter who you loved, or thought you loved. Buffy, Kennedy… me… it was the same. Wasn't it?"

Willow turns away from her, not wanting to hear this. She walks away, throwing herself on the couch, facing away from Faith.

" As long as I was away, it was ok. Because then you could keep me at a distance. A safe distance. Or, if I left you, you could justify it. You could deal with it. Or if there was some reason you had to leave me, some reason for ' my own good', even better. Anything, anything so you wouldn't have to get too close. Anything so that you wouldn't have to come out of hiding. That's what your doing, isn't it, baby? Hiding?"

" No, you're wrong." Willow doesn't turn to look at her.

" Am I? When things started to get too close with Kennedy, you broke off with her, glommed on me. Why? We didn't know each other that well… but you still cheated on her, made sure that the relationship would fail. Then you came after me, knowing I wasn't ready for that kind of thing. It was safe. You could ' love ' me without cost, because you knew eventually, I'd bail. Because I couldn't deal… and you were right."

" Why're you doing this? It hurts, you're being so awful… so mean. " Willow's voice is heavy and lifeless.

" Now you could be the rejected lover, you could tell yourself that I left you, when you knew all along you needed me to leave you. That fit, you were ok. It was Faith that was screwed up. But that was just a lie you told yourself." Faith sits next to Willow, who gets as far away as she can without falling off the sofa. " Then you made a mistake. You came to L.A. You thought you were safe, that your armor was impervious. But you didn't count on something."

" Oh, tell me, Dr. Freud. You're so smart!" Willow mocks.

" You didn't count on the fact that you still loved me. And I still loved you," Faith says, " It all went to pieces, all your protection, because when it comes down to it, you love me. " Faith smiles, " God knows why, I'm not easy to love. But you do, and you fell for me again, hard. Almost as hard as I fell for you."

Faith reaches out, and touches Willow. Willow doesn't draw away.

" But that was too scary, being in love again. You did, I believe despite yourself, what you could to scare me. Showing me your dark side… anything to make it impossible to love you. What you don't know is that … I can't not love you. I admit dark veiny Willow? Not my favorite person in the world. But I have to accept her, because she's part of you, and I love you. "

Willow is still turned away, balled up on the couch. As if she makes herself really small, no one can see her.

" Stop, please, I don't want to talk anymore," She says in nearly a whisper.

" I wish I could, honey bud, but I can't. Cuz the story's not done. After that, you were stuck. Because on one hand, you didn't want to love me, and on the other hand, you had to love me. Irony doesn't even cover it, baby. Then I stupidly handed you the perfect excuse. I hid what I was doing, what was going on. I gave you every right to be angry and upset with me, and you used it."

" Goddess, you make me sound so… cold" Willow looks at her, sadly, " like I planned all this."

" No, baby, not you, " Faith seems to look up at nothing," but it worked out for what you were feeling. With me gone, far away, you could love me, but without all the messy day by day details, all the stings and hooks. It could be pure, and light, and safe. No chance I could worm my way into your heart if I was away, now was there?"

Willow just stares at her.

" Then the Cammaragh. You couldn't let me die. If I did, all the pain would come back, wouldn't it? When you learned what they were planning, you moved heaven and earth to make sure I lived. You couldn't let it happen again, could you? Stand on the side as the woman you loved died. Could you?"

Willow looks away.

" But you weren't upset when I didn't come right back. Again, distance is safety. Strange isn't it that you didn't have to 'leave' until I left Ireland. Not until I … went to my grandfather's funeral."

" I was sorry to hear about your grandfather dying. He was a good man." Willow reaches out, squeezing Faith's hand.

" Strangely, that gave me my first clue that things weren't right, though I didn't get it then. Not 'til later…"

Willow looks at her with the question in her expression.

" If you really were in it for everything, honey, wouldn't you have been there, at my side?"

" Faith, I…."

" Shhh… it's ok. I know why. I know why." Faith rubs her hand lightly across Willow's hip, " my grandfather wrote me a last letter, before he died. Reading it put things right in my mind. Made me realize my priorities." Faith gazes at her intently, " I guess deep down I sensed something wrong, even then. I think that's why I decided to ride back here, rather than fly. I put it down to what happened before I left, but it was deeper than that. Started way before I left…"

" Faith, I love you. I do love you!" Willow sits up," I love you as much as I can." Even as the words leave her lips, she knows how horrible that sounds, how empty.

" I know, honey, " Faith smiles at her, putting an arm around her and pulling her close. Willow leans against her, looking as sad as she feels. " I wish I could reach in and touch your heart, love. Help you heal. But the walls there are too high, even for me. I can't break them down. Only you can, by letting go."

" I've tried, Faith, I really have," Willow closes her eyes, the tears running down her cheeks. " I can't, I just can't."

Faith looks into her eyes, deeply. She smiles, but there's no happiness in her smile.

" I guess you can't."

They sit silently for awhile, neither speaking, nor looking at each other.

" So, now what?" Willow breaks the silence.

" I dunno, Red. It's really your call now. You've got to decide what you want."

" What do you mean?"

" Do you want to live for now, or for then?"

Willow looks at her, and then stands.

" I guess I better go," She says, heading for the door.

" I guess so, " Faith says, watching her.

Willow reaches the door, and opens it, when Faith calls out.

" One more thing?"

Willow turns back to her, " What?"

" You gotta ask yourself. Would Tara want this for you?"

Willow just looks at her for a moment. Then she turns, and exits, closing the door behind her.

Faith leans back on the couch, closing her eyes.

_Brilliant, Faith. Just brilliant._

_

* * *

_

" So, she's really gonna go then?" Buffy asks, looking at Kira across the desk.

" Looks like," Kira says, looking up from some reports she's working on.

" How can you be so damned casual about this? God, do you realize how many levels of wrong this is?"

Kira looks at her, irritated and amused at the same time.

" What do you want me to do, Buffy? Throw a fit? Of course it's wrong, " Kira agrees, " they're being total jackasses about this. But it's their lives, honey, " she looks down at the reports. " If they want to be morons, nothing we can do about it."

" Well, I'm glad to hear that, " Faith says from the doorway.

Buffy's and Kira's heads swivel towards the doorway. They seem to blush simultaneously, then both look away. Embarrassed is too weak a word for what they're feeling.

" Now, if were done gossiping about my love life, or lack thereof, I'd like to get down to business. I had a reason to call you both here," Faith walks into the office. " Oh, and Kira? I'd like my chair now."

Kira stands up quickly, nearly running into Buffy to get to the other side of the desk. Faith casually walks around the desk and sits down. Leaning back, she folds her arms over her chest, and just stares at the other two. She's relishing the embarrassment they're feeling.

" Well, I guess you're wondering what this is all about huh?" Faith finally breaks the silence.

" Uh… yeah, kinda, " Buffy speaks up.

" Well, you both know I've spent the last 4 months cleaning up the mess that was left to me when I became head of Lehane. It wasn't easy, " She understates massively," but I think it's sufficient to let it run reasonably well now. There's still a lot of crap to clean up, but it doesn't need my personal touch." Her eyes get a distant look in them, " Frankly, it's not my gig…not this day to day stuff; knocking heads together bureaucratic crappola. And I need to get away for awhile, think about things, really tightly. Cuz, I'm on my last nerve, and it aint all that strong, get it?"

" Sure," Kira says, nodding.

Buffy just nods.

" Fighting demons, killing vampires? That's my gig. Throw me in the hornet's nest, baby, that's cool by me. But this daily paperwork up to your eyeballs thing has worn me to nothin… so, I'm taking a break." She swivels her chair around, so she's facing the wall. As if addressing it. " But I've got a problem. I mean, let's face it. The caliber of people … barely above moron. Thinking on their feet? Not genetically coded in them. They're great paper pushers, but they don't got that thing ya need to lead." She turns back to Buffy and Kira. " Get my meaning?"

Kira smiles, " Sure, I get it. I deal with these morons. They couldn't lead a bunch of hungry dogs to their food bowls."

Buffy isn't smiling. She has a small frown on her face, and a feeling growing in the pit of her stomach. She's not liking this.

" Very good, Kira, glad you see that too." Faith stands up, and starts to pace. " So, I've got a problem. I've got plenty of Indians, but damned, if chiefs aren't in short supply. Especially chiefs I can trust not to make things worse. So, what do I do?" She looks at the two of them, a small grin on her face. " Any suggestions?"

" I know," Kira interjects eagerly, but Faith interrupts her.

" No, Kira. Let's hear from Buffy." She turns to Buffy, " So, what do you think, B? What should I do?"

Buffy gives Faith an evil look. She knows where this is going, and isn't liking it one bitty bit.

" Cut the crap, Faith. Just get it over with. I know what you're gonna ask, and while I'd like to say no, I really can't, now can I?"

Kira looks from Buffy to Faith and back to Buffy.

" Would someone like to clue me in, since you two already are somewhere I'm not?"

" Faith wants to stick us running the biz while she's off screwing around, or ' finding herself' or whatever happy horse crap she wants to call it." Buffy looks perturbed.

"Well, gee, Buff, I mighta put it a bit more diplomatically," Faith mocks her right back, " but yeah, that's it."

" Faith, wait a minute. I can't… we can't run it by ourselves. Oh sure, I mean in a pinch, yeah, we could do it, but …" Kira looks more than a little nervous. She shakes her head, " no, no way. I'm not ready for this kind of responsibility."

" You're ready, Kira, " Faith says quietly, but firmly, " you've been ready for a long time."

"No! I mean, I'm sorry Faith, I really love you trust me and all, but no. I'm so not leadership material…"

" That's just bullshit, Kira. I've watched you," Faith says, walking over and putting her hands on Kira's shoulders," You know when to be tough, you know when to play it soft, you know when to coddle 'em along, and you know when to kick ass. Now, all you need is a push to go do it! So, consider this your push."

" Faith, I…"

" Kira, please," Faith leans over, her voice soft, almost pleading. " I need you. Please don't let me down."

Kira looks into her eyes, and sees the bone weariness and discouragement there. Her heart melts.

" Ok, Faith, " She replies, " I'll do it. I'll do my best."

" That's my girl, " Faith pats her lightly on the shoulder.

She turns to Buffy.

" Well?"

" Like, I got a choice, right?" Buffy replies grumpily.

" Of course you've got a choice, B, " Faith says amiably, " You can say no."

" No, " Buffy says.

" Buffy!" Kira turns to her, " You can't do that! You've got to…"

" No, Kira, let it alone. It's her choice, " Faith says mildly, " I'll just have to find somebody else. Maybe Kenny could do it…"

" Oh, c'mon, Faith. That's scraping bottom. Kenny's a moron!" Buffy says.

" That's unfair, B. I mean, she's competent. Not too clever, but I'm sure she could do the job." Faith turns to Kira. " Hey, Kira, want to hear a funny story?"

Kira looks at Faith puzzled. _Not like her to give up so easily._

" Sure."

" Seems there's a really interesting reason why Buffy has Mr. Gordo." Her voice takes on a sly tone.

" Oh, really?" Kira looks at Buffy.

Buffy goes pale. She shoots daggers at Faith with her eyes.

" Where'd you hear about Mr. Gordo?" Buffy's voice is dry.

Faith just smiles. " Little birdie told me."

" I'm so gonna kill Willow."

" What about Mr. Gordo, Faith?" Kira is catching on.

" Well, seems like, long time ago…"

" SHUT UP, FAITH!" Buffy nearly yells. " Don't you DARE tell her…"

Kira looks at Buffy with a slightly shocked expression._ Goodness, what could be so …?_

" Blackmail is such an ugly word, B."

" I didn't say anything about…" Buffy catches her expression, and cuts off her words. " Ok, you win. I'll do it!"

" That's the B I know, " Faith smiles broadly at her, all dimples and twinkling eyes.

" Hey, I want to know about Mr. Gordo!" Kira says, now intrigued.

Faith just shrugs. " Sorry, Kira. Buffy'll have to tell you that." She smiles sweetly at Buffy.

" Sure, when I'm like… never!" Buffy growls, trapped. " Ok, now that you've got me, what the hell am I gonna be doing, anyway?"

"Well, the way I see it, I really need to split up Lehane into three sections, for it to run smoothly. Kira, I'm hereby promoting you to CEO and Chairman of Lehane International. You will be in charge of all business affairs. I've already put out a memo to that effect, so there won't be any further discussion."

" Huh? Hey, I didn't get that memo."

" If you did, sweetie, exactly how much of a surprise would this have been?" Faith smirks, " had to be sure you'd do it, didn't I?"

" Well, you seemed pretty sure I'd accept, " Kira says, a little petulantly.

" Only because its way overdue, " Faith says sincerely.

Kira blushes.

" And just think of the money we'll make using that second sight of yours."

Kira frowns. " That's unethical, Faith. I could never do that!"

" Aw, gee. Guess we'll just have to depend on that business acumen and ummm… leadership skills of yours, I'm guessing, " Faith slyly winks at Buffy. " Finally, a return on that Harvard Education we paid for…"

Kira blushes a deep red. Praise from Faith is like water to a rose for her.

" Hate to break up the love fest going on here," Buffy says, " but what're you sticking me with, Faith?"

" Well, since you asked, B, I'm making you head of special projects."

" Well, uhhh…cool.. and just what's special projects?"

" Well, just what it sounds like. First up on the plate… bring the Watcher's council back into the Lehane fold."

Kira and Buffy both look surprised at that.

" I've been in serious negotiations with Giles for oh… the last 4 months… and we're pretty close to a deal. Now, I know what affection and respect you and Giles hold for each other, so that's gonna make the final phase go just that much smoother." She grins at Buffy, " I can hear the wheels grindin', B. Why is this happening? Well, frankly, The council needs money… bad. And guess what? Lehane is shittin' money out from every hole. Plus, in return, we get a pre-built worldwide infrastructure, and the best Mystical library on this planet. Win-win, as I see it."

Buffy's interest is perked up.

" So what then? I like, head up training of the slayers and stuff?"

Faith makes a face.

" Please, what a waste of talent, " She shakes her head, " I got people like Kennedy for that. No, you're going to head up phase two…"

" And that would be what?" Buffy is suspicious.

"Don't have a real name for it yet, " Faith admits, " but I think you'll like it. It's time we put the Wolf, the Ram, and the Hart in cages, wouldn't you agree?"

Kira and Buffy look puzzled.

" Wolfram and Hart, girls. We're going after Evil Inc."

Buffy smiles, then frowns. " Wait a minute. Wolfram and Hart? It's … huge. It works in lots of dimensions. How're we going to take them on?"

" Buffy, honey, open your mind, " Faith says , walking over to her. " The Watchers? The Slayers? Just a small, very, very small offshoot of Lehane." She walks back to her desk, and sits down. " W&H loves to brag how they've been around forever, that little evil bit in everybody's heart way back to primitive man? Well, honey, think. For the balance in the universe to work, for the evil, there's got to be the good. Who do you think that is?"

Buffy's eyes widen. " Us? I mean, sorry, Lehane?"

Faith grins, " Us is just fine, Buffy. Glad you're thinking that way, now. Yeah, Lehane is the 800 pound Gorilla, on our side of the scales. We don't only exist in this plane, honey. We're… everywhere. I just happen to run the clan here. But believe me, wherever W&H is, we are too."

" Ok, not getting this. If Lehane is so…big, how come I've never heard of it before?"

" Ever heard of Wolfram and Hart before you ran upside it?"

" No, not really."

" Same deal, Buff. The really big ones? You don't hear about often. Lehane has always been the " work behind the scenes" kind of organization. But frankly, that's going to change. Times have changed, and so has W&H. They're playing a whole new ballgame now, more aggressive. It's time for Team Lehane to take its turn at bat, wouldn't you say?"

The enormity of what Faith is proposing is dawning on Buffy, and she's more than a little scared.

" Ok, baseball metaphors. It's never good when things start getting baseball metaphors, " Buffy jumps out of her chair. Now she's in pace mode. " Faith, I really think you need to rethink this. I'm not qualified for this!"

" B, for god's sake, don't make me do a Knute Rockne on you, " Faith says, with some edge to her voice, " You've done this before. Maybe not on this scale, but you've lead before. Frankly, you've become a little lazy, being out of it. Maybe lazy and complacent…"

" HEY! That's so… well, it's not fair!"

" Who said life was fair, B? Time to get your ass in gear again, and work for a living. You're it, you're heading this up. This is exactly the kick in the ass you've been needing, so consider yourself kicked!"

" Fine, whatever. But if I fuck it up…"

" You won't. You're too much of a perfectionist to fuck it up. That and way too competitive with me. Just imagine the humiliation if I've got to step in to fix it?" Faith gives her a sidelong glance.

" I hate you!" Buffy growls.

" Good, just as long as you stick it to me by doing a good job, not really gonna lose sleep over it."

Buffy grumbles some more, but Faith just dismisses it as nerves.

" Wait a minute. You said 3 parts. We've covered two. What's the third?" Kira asks.

" Yes, well, that's the tricky one, and hey, it means more work for the both of you."

Neither Buffy nor Kira make happy sounds.

" The third part is the clan itself. It needs someone to watch over it, prevent it from becoming the cesspool it was, and frankly, to kick it's sorry ass into the 21st Century. I've got a candidate in mind, but … well, with her history, she's gonna need some serious watching."

" Who?" Kira asks, but she's the one with the bad feeling now.

" Do you really need to ask me that, Kira?"

Kira's heart sinks.

" You're kidding, right? After what she's done? She's going to head up the clan?" Kira's face is turning red, but not from praise this time, " What're you thinking, Faith? What kind of punishment is this? Boy I want to get on your shit list, if this is the punishment!"

" Uh… who the hell are you talking about?" Buffy, confused, looks at the other two women.

" Layne," Kira snaps at her. " She wants to put Layne as head of the clan!"

Buffy can't believe her ears. She looks at Faith, and gets confirmation. And gets mad!

" Well, Faith, up to now, I thought you were still sane. Guess I called that one wrong!" Buffy is turning beet red to match Kira's color, " exactly what are you thinking with?"

Faith watches over them with frosty eyes. " Are you two finished?" She asks, her tone almost icy.

Both start to protest, but seeing her look, back off.

" Good. Let's get this straight. I'm the leader of Lehane, and I've got the fucking tattoo on my back to prove it. THAT DOES'NT CHANGE! I nearly died for the 'honor', and I'm not turning it over to Layne! Are we clear?"

Both nod meekly. They can tell Faith is near her snapping point.

" Good. But I'm going to be away, and you two are going to be too damned busy to deal with the clan directly. So, Layne will act as Liaison to the clan, under YOUR watchful eye, Kira. Clear now?"

" Wait a minute, Faith. You don't know Layne. She won't take orders from me…" Kira starts in.

" Kira, Layne and I had a little chat before I left Ireland. She knows she's going to be working for you, and liking it. Or she knows the consequences, especially if she tries to pull any crap." Faith's face has hardened into a mask .

" But, she'll just …."

" No, she won't. And if she tries to give you crap, that's where Buffy comes in. She'll back you up… won't you, B?" Faith turns her gaze towards Buffy.

Buffy nods.

Kira still looks unsure.

" Kira, Layne's treated you like crap for a lot of years. I know it's gonna be hard for you. But frankly you've got to do this. For your own self. You can't live in her shadow forever. It's time a little justice and a whole lot of humility are served up to Ms. Layne Hearne. You know how to deal with jerks… she's just another jerk now."

" I don't get it, Faith, " Buffy intercedes, " Why don't you just … kick her out?"

" She's smart, clever and resourceful, Buffy. I don't need that working against me, inside or outside. She's under Kira's and your watch for a reason, and she knows what'll happen if she tries to screw me, or anyone."

Buffy is about to protest more, but then it hits her. _If Faith can't use her, and can't allow her to be outside Lehane, her only other choice is… oh, crap._ She looks at Kira, and nods.

" Ok, I get it Faith. Don't worry, she won't fuck it up."

" Good, we're done here." Faith gets up, and head for the door. She turns back into the office. " I just want you to remember this, especially concerning Layne. _Tenere tuo amicizia vicino , solo tenere tuo nemici più vicino!"_

Smiling a slightly evil smile, she leaves.

Buffy looks confused.

" What the hell did she just say?"

" Keep your friends close, but keep your enemies closer"

* * *

Willow stands looking at the open bags on her bed, hands on hips.

She is feeling some impatience with herself.

_It won't get packed by itself, you know, _she chides herself. Determinedly, she marches over to the bureau drawer and opens it. She reaches in to pick up some underwear, and stops. She looks with some satisfaction at the contents.

Everything neatly folded, arranged by color and match. This was how Willow did things; she liked things organized. Everything in order, just where you put it, so you could find it easily. It gave her comfort, being organized. Everything neatly in its place. Chaos, disorder confused her.

It was like at home. All her books were arranged alphabetically, by subject, title and author. When she needed something, she could find it without muss and fuss. It was always right there. Never had to go looking for it. It was dependable. Reliable.

She smiles, thinking back how angry she got once when Buffy had called her " Old Reliable". She'd been peed off because Buffy, Xander… everyone thought of her as only being this nerdy girl who was always available, always there whenever they needed her, and dismissed when not needed. She'd rebelled that day; she laughs at her rebellion now. Eating a banana and it wasn't even lunch time. _God, things were so much…_ she shakes her head. No, they weren't simpler, clearer. She remembers what else happened that day, her Vamp double from an alternate universe showing up and causing havoc. But the Scoobies saved the day, and restored order. Mostly. Except Percy the basketball star cum tutee had been thrown for a loop by VampWillow, and his whole attitude had changed. He started treating her with respect. _Maybe some chaos is a good thing._

_That's crazy talk! _Willow scolds herself,_ Chaos only leads to mess, things getting out of their place. Then you can't find them, and you get all crazy and then the worry starts. And that leads to pain and heartache. No, that's so not good._

She looks at the pictures she has neatly arranged across the bureau, and nods. _Now, this is just what I mean. Everything is just as it should be… all the important people in my life, arranged in chronological order._

On the far left, a picture of her parents, because of course they were the first people in her life. Next to them, Xander, because he was her first and bestest friend. Then Buffy. _Whoa, she really shook things up, coming in my life. Changed everything. But still, in order, in her place in my heart._ Then a picture of the three of them, because that's how it was… until the next picture. One of Oz. _Even if everything went kerflooey with him, he's still important to me. Still special._ Next to his picture was a picture of the four of them, taken near graduation._ Graduation. Talk about chaos and confusion. The Mayor turning into some 20 foot tall snake demon thingie, everything in turmoil! But we got through it, didn't we? But only, only because we had a plan, and stuck to it. We were organized, even if the events weren't. We got through it because we had a plan, and stuck to it!_

Then next picture brings tears to her eyes. Tara. Her favorite picture of Tara, taken by that bridge where they sang to each other. The light playing softly on her blonde hair. That warm smile that could hide a shy mischievousness. Her soft blue eyes, so warm. _See? This is just what I mean, _Willow sniffles, rubbing her eyes._ I had the perfect place in my life for you, baby. I had you separate from the scooby stuff. You were safe. Why wasn't that enough? I loved you… I love you! But you wouldn't stay put. You had to move around in places you didn't belong, don't you see that wasn't safe? You had to be in all of it, and I couldn't be everywhere to protect you. Why, baby? Why was it so important to do that? Why couldn't you be happy as it was? Why wouldn't you let me protect you? If only you listened, if only you believed in me enough, trusted me enough…_ Willow shakes her head, trying to shake off the tears. But it doesn't work. She plucks the picture from the bureau, clutching it close. _Why did you have to be in everything? Why did you have to be there, that day, to get shot? To die, to leave me all alone?_

She stands clutching the picture for awhile, rocking back and forth. She finally puts it back in its place, and turns to the next one. Kennedy, standing as she usually did, full of confidence, a cocky smile on her face. But Willow knew the other side of her, the side that could be sweet and supportive. The side that knew her place, and didn't try to trample all over her life. _Why'd I break up with her? We could've been happy. Sure, things were strange then, but we could've made a go of it. It would've been better… better than this. Why'd I have to fall for her?_ Willow turns to the spot where Faith's picture sits, last in line. Where it should sit, because, it wasn't there. Her brows furrow, and she looks behind the pictures, thinking it got shoved behind accidentally. Not there. She looks over the side of the bureau, but it hasn't fallen off. She looks in the trash can, emptying it out on the floor. No picture.

_Where is she? Why isn't she where she's supposed to be?_ Willow starts to feel panic._ Where is the picture? _She goes to the nightstand, but it's not there. She opens the drawer, but except for a couple of pens and some stationery, it's empty. She moves to the closet, thinking she might have for some reason put it there. She looks through her hanging clothes, then starts tossing them aside, searching pockets, anything._ No picture!_ She looks on the bottom of the closet, tossing out her shoes, and still no picture. She looks under the bed. Then she looks on top of the bed, shoving the suitcases aside. Still no picture.

Back at the bureau, she starts going through each drawer, tossing out clothes, searching for the lost photo._ It can't be gone, it's got to be here. Where are you? Why're you hiding from me?_ She goes from drawer to drawer, getting more and more stressed out, clothes flying as she desperately looks for the picture._ Where are you, where are you?_ She starts to cry, really cry, thinking she's lost it. _Why're you doing this, why're you hiding from me?_

Finally she gets to the last drawer, her heart feeling leaden. She starts to toss out the clothes when she sees the edge of a picture frame peeping out from under a pair of jeans. She grabs at it, and turns it over. There's Faith, leaning against her Harley, helmet in one hand, the other one give her the thumbs up. She's smiling broadly, her eyes dancing with mischief. It's Willow's favorite picture of her, because it just screams " FAITH!".

But Willow's emotions are all in a twist. She feels anger and fear and panic and hurt, lots of hurt. She takes the picture and shakes it angrily, as if she can wipe that smile from Faith's face.

" WHY? WHY'RE YOU DOING THIS TO ME!" She yells at the picture, " WHY DON'T YOU STAY WHERE I PUT YOU? WHY DO YOU HAVE TO GO AND HIDE FROM ME? WHY'RE YOU DOING THIS TO ME? WHY'RE YOU MAKING MY LIFE A…." She stops, and looks around the room.

Her clothes are thrown everywhere. The suitcases are on the floor, her shoes willy-nilly tossed in the corners and everywhere. It looks like a tornado went through her room; a force of nature.

And like a force of nature, the truth hits her. THIS is her life. It's everybody's life. One big chaotic mess. Everything tossed any old place, without rhyme or reason, just because that's how life works. Trying to put it all in order, everything neatly compartmentalized and in its place, having some big plan how things should go, how it should run, just a sham. A sham to hide behind. An excuse not to live life. Life is messy; full of conflict and messy emotions. People aren't things, you can't put them in their box and expect them to stay there. They come into your life, and move through it, often turning you on your head. And you do the same right back at them. You fight, and you love, and you live each day as if it's the last one… because it might be. You can't keep someone under glass, trying to protect them, because they'll just chafe and moan and find ways to break out of that glass. All you can do is treat each moment as precious. Because, that's all you have… a series of moments connected together to make a life.

She shakes her head, looking at the chaos she's caused. She shakes her head._ Am I insane? Have I gone nuts?_ Her glance rests on the bureau. Somehow, her neat line of pictures has escaped the insanity that's Hurricane Willow. She looks at the pictures, standing on the bureau top, arrayed like a neat line of little soldiers. Before she knows what's happening, she starts to laugh. It's not a mirthful laugh, but a laugh born out of recognition. She moves over to the bureau, still laughing, and picks up the first picture in line. She tosses it, not caring where it lands. The next picture, same thing. And the next, and the next. Then she reaches Tara's picture. She picks it up, intending to toss it too. But she stops, and looks at it. Faith's words come back to her.

" You gotta ask yourself. Would Tara want this for you?"

Willow looks around the room, and she starts to laugh harder. But the laughter has changed. You can hear the hitch of tears in it, and she's laughing and crying at the same time.

" Oh yeah," Willow says out loud to no one. Her voice is a little hoarse." This is exactly what she'd want for me!"

Still grasping the picture of Faith in one hand, the picture of Tara in the other, laughing and crying, Willow sits down heavily on a pile of stuff on the floor. She doesn't care, she just keeps looking back and forth, back and forth at each picture.

Laughing and crying.

* * *

Faith strides to her room, her bearing reflecting confidence and vigor. She taps in the key code for the lock, and opens the door, closing it after her.

Once inside, her whole body language changes. The energy seems to dissipate from her, and she stands, looking a defeated.

Putting on an act for Buffy and Kira has taken a lot out of her. She doesn't want them to see how badly she's feeling Willow's loss. _The giggle twins would just try to make like cupid and get us back together, making it just worse._ The last thing she needs right now is Buffy and Kira trying to fix things.

Faith knows she's pretty much shot her load. She's laid her case out for Willow. Now it's up to Willow to pick it up and run with it. She can't do anything more.

So why does she feel so damned wrong? Why does all of this just feel… wrong?

Faith is action girl. It rankles her to stand here, doing nothing to keep Willow from leaving. A large part of her wants to run out the door, down the stairs to her room, bust down the door, and carry her back up here, kicking and screaming. And take her, and make her see how much Faith loves her. Faith balls her fists and stamps her foot in frustration.

No! I can't do that. I can't make her feel for me, what I'm feeling. I can't make her love me, not if she can't let go of the past. I can't make her feel. Only she can do that, and me acting like Tarzan to her Jane, only confuse her. I got to let her work it out, whatever happens.

That didn't make her feel better, though. Losing her would be like ripping out her heart._ Sometimes I wish I could do that. Just rip out my heart, so I wouldn't feel like this. So it wouldn't hurt so fucking much. Damn me, damn me, damn me!_

Angry and frustrated, Faith walks over to her bureau. She opens the drawer, it's usual tumble of clothing scattered every which way, grabbing out some clothing. She heads for the shower. She figures a shower, then working out til she's so tired she'll just fall asleep will get her through tonight. _What 'bout tomorrow night, and the next and the next? Fuck that, one night at a time, 'k?_

Faith sheds her clothes, and turning on the shower, steps in. feeling the needle warmth of the stream of the shower, Faith's tense muscles relax. She grabs the soap and begins to lather down. For a brief moment, she blanks her mind, just concentrating on the feel and sound of the shower, blocking out everything else.

Feeling a little better, Faith turns off the shower and dries down. She dries her hair best she can, and pulls it back into a ponytail. She quickly dresses in wife beater and sweat pants.

Exiting the bathroom, she heads for the stereo. She likes a driving rhythm when she works out; keeps her in time and focused. She goes down the rack, trying to find something appropriate. She shakes her head over different selections, and then her finger stops. She pulls the CD out of the rack, looking at it, puzzled.

_Janis Joplin's Greatest Hits_

She puzzles over it for a minute, trying to remember where the hell she got it. It comes to her that she bought it after one of her and Red's all too frequent squabbles, wherein Red retreated to her room and treated the entire hotel to it. She knew Willow was fond of it, but to her it'd always been just overloud caterwauling. She couldn't remember exactly why she bought it; whether to understand why Red liked it so much, or to understand her better. Either way, she'd sat down and listened to the whole thing. She still wasn't exactly a big fan, but she had to admit the power and emotion in the songs.

She's about to shove it back in the rack when she stops. Looking at it, she walks over to the player, and puts in the drive. She stands there for a moment, shaking her head, wondering what the hell she's doing. Nevertheless, she cranks up the volume, then hits play.

**Busted flat in Baton Rouge, waiting for a train  
And I's feeling nearly as faded as my jeans.  
Bobby thumbed a diesel down just before it rained,  
It rode us all the way to New Orleans. **

She remembers the bar in Arizona where she heard this song. She'd fought with someone who was trying to come on to her, and had to take the proprietor's gun away from him. _Good times, she smiles, ruefully. Yeah, sure they were._ She'd been on the road, her life all changed up. Everything strange, the only thing that meant anything to her, gone.

**I pulled my harpoon out of my dirty red bandanna,  
I was playing soft while Bobby sang the blues.  
Windshield wipers slapping time,**

**I was holding Bobby's hand in mine,  
We sang every song that driver knew. **

She'd never felt so alone as she had then. She had this destiny, this thing she had to do. Yet her heart, even then, wasn't really in it. She even for awhile even debated showing up. More than anything, she wanted to run away. Anything that meant anything to her she'd lost in Anderson, Indiana on that cold night. But she didn't have a choice. She had to go on, because she had to say a last goodbye to an old friend.

**Freedom's just another word for nothing left to lose,**

**Nothing don't mean nothing honey if it ain't free, now now.**

**And feeling good was easy, Lord, when he sang the blues,**

**You know feeling good was good enough for me,**

**Good enough for me and my Bobby McGee.**

She'd looked for something to play on the jukebox, something that didn't involve dodges or dogs or rifle racks. She'd come across this tune, kind of out of place. Faith had played it because _she_ loved this music. _God knows why._

**From the Kentucky coal mines to the California sun,**

Hey, Bobby shared the secrets of my soul.

**Through all kinds of weather, through everything that we done,**

**Hey Bobby baby kept me from the cold**

Faith walks away from the stereo, the music feeling too close, too painful.

She remembers that it brought up memories, that night. Hurtful memories of break up and losing her. How hard it'd been to walk away, knowing she'd probably never see her again.

It's bringing other memories, now. Memories of a time they were together, on the road. Some bad, mostly good. Memories of a time, so brief, when they seemed to connect. Seemed to be together.

Faith, wrapped up in her memories, doesn't hear the door she forgot to lock open and close quietly. She doesn't hear the footsteps tread across the floor to the stereo.

**One day up near Salinas, Lord, I let him slip away,**

**He's looking for that home and I hope he finds it …**

The music suddenly stops. Faith, startled, whirls around. Standing there is Willow, wearing a coat. She looks sad.

" What the…Red?"

Then Willow, in a voice that isn't nearly as strong, or really on key, starts to sing.

" But I'd trade all of my tomorrows for one single yesterday

To be holding Bobby's body next to mine…."

" Freedom's just another word for nothing left to lose

Nothing, don't mean nothing if its not free, mmm hmm,

And feeling good was easy, lord, when he sang the blues,

You know feeling good was good enough for me,

Good enough for me and …."

Faith doesn't let her finish. She strides across the floor, and surrounds Willow in her arms, kissing her. And kissing her, and kissing her. Faith couldn't, wouldn't end the kiss, greedily wanting more, as if this were the last kiss they would ever have. Finally, they have to break the kiss, both dizzy from oxygen deprivation. They lean against each other, looking into each other's eyes.

"Red?" Faith's question burns in her eyes.

" No more running, Faith, I promise" Willow stares into her eyes. " I thought… after Tara's death, I needed a life all orderly and neat and everything safe in it's boxes. That's what I thought I wanted." Willow slides her arms around Faith's neck. " But I'll never have anything like that with you, will I? It's going to be all over the place, and messy and emotional, and risky… damned risky." Willow frowns a little. " I don't want that."

" Red?" Faith's voice sounds strained and hurt.

" I don't want that, but I need that. I get that now. I need that, messy and confused and all over the place…and I need you." Willow leans in and kisses Faith gently. " No miracles, Faith. I'm still gonna be scared. I need you to not lie to me anymore. No holding stuff back. I need to know what's going on with you."

" I promise, Red," Faith says, her voice sounding funny. Willow notices her face getting red, and tears forming at the edges of her eyes.

" Baby," Willow draws Faith closer. She rubs her back and shoulders, soothing her. " What is it, darling?"

" So close, so close to losing you, Willow, " Faith says, choked up, " I can't even think of not having you in my life. It doesn't mean anything without you. None of this means anything to me if you're not with me. God, I came in this apartment earlier, and it was so empty. So big and empty." Faith pulls away, capturing Willow's face in her hands, " Please tell me you'll stay with me. No matter what, I need you with me. I don't… I won't end up like my grandmother and grandfather, so close and all alone, wanting each other, and not having each other. Please, baby, please!"

Willow takes Faith's face in her hands, leaning very close, so her lips almost brush Faith's.

" Won't happen, Faith, " She leans in and kisses her, " I promise, " kisses her again, " I can't think of being without you, ever". Another kiss, and another, and yet another.

She breaks the kiss and steps back. Faith looks disappointed, and starts towards her, but Willow holds up her hand. Faith stops, puzzled. Willow unbuttons her coat, and shrugs it off. She's totally naked. Faith just stares at her.

" Red, you're naked! " She says, a little awed.

"Ummm-hmmm, " Willow murmurs, coming over to Faith. She stands next to her, smiling a 1000 watt Willowosity smile. " I guess I was hopin' it'd go this way." She bites her lower lip. " Which means, someone here is totally overdressed."

Before Faith can do anything, Willow has reached over, grabbed the drawstrings to her sweatpants, and untied them. She reaches for the elastic and pulls them over and off Faith's hips. Willow's eyebrow shoots up.

" I see you still have that habit of not wearing panties" she giggles. She reaches out her fingertips, brushing them lightly over the trimmed fur on Faith's mound. " mmmm… nice" She croons.

Faith shivers a little , and raises her arms, inviting Willow to remove her top. Willow does, and smiles. " No bra. I'm thinking someone else was hoping for good things." Throwing the top over her shoulder, Willow slides her body up against Faith's, pressing her lips onto the side of Faith's neck. " So, what do you think?" She sucks gently on Faith's neck. She slides her hand up Faith's body, gently squeezing her breast.

" I think… I think…" Faith pants, " Oh, fuck thinking!"

Faith lifts up a very naked and very giggly Willow. Willow squirms in her arms, making Faith even hornier as she rubs up against Faith.

" Oh, my… how butch, " Willow giggles, " are you going to ravish me now, you nasty girl?"

An evil smirk graces Faith's lips. " Like you've never been ravished before." She carries the squirming Willow up to her bed, and throws her on it. She straddles her, leaning over to kiss her.

The kisses soon become more fervid, each needing more and more from the other. Faith's body slides over Willow's , and Willow brings her legs over Faith's hips, wrapping them around her. Their bodies are soon rubbing furiously against each other; moans and groans, murmurs and sighs replacing words. Their mounds rub against each others, their slickness growing as their passion increases. The sweet friction soon becomes fiery, and they both begin to whimper as the first of many, many orgasms that night hit them.

They made love many, many times that night, each pulling out all the stops. Faith did things to Willow with her tongue and fingers and mouth that sent the red headed witch screaming into orgasm. And what Willow did to Faith… was just magic. Once, when they were in a 69 position, Faith nearly had a stroke when she realized they were floating a few feet over the bed. She grabbed Willow's hips almost desperately. Willow just sniggered when she realized what Faith was seeing, and went back to snacking on her lover.

But it was when, after making love for hours, and they were resting, that the topper came. Willow was snuggled up to Faith, her head resting on Faith's chest. Even after all that happened, Willow was still gently shooting her tongue out over Faith's nipple, licking it, keeping Faith just a wee bit horny. She stopped for a second, and looked up at Faith.

" Happy, baby?" Willow asked, smiling dreamily up at her lover.

" Oh yeah, " Faith returns, but Willow catches a note in her voice.

" What is it, honey?" She asks, snuggling closer to Faith.

" Nothing, it's silly, " Faith says, smiling at Willow.

" No, now you promised. You tell me," Willow insists, " What is it?"

" It's so…girly, " Faith blushes deeply.

Willow snuggles against Faith, rubbing her hand over Faith's tummy, " Well, you're a girl, baby. It's ok to be a little girly, I think." Her hand slips lower, finding itself between Faith's thighs.

" God, are you trying to make me horny again?" Faith growls, softly, loving it.

" I have to try?" Willow giggles. She strokes her fingertips over Faith's nether lips, " So, tell me, what's going on in that head of yours?"

" It's so stupid," Faith says, embarrassed. " Just that, well… I love you so much, and I love what you do to me. Oh god, what you do to me!' Faith is panting a little as Willows finger stroke along her now moistening slit, " But … I just like to feel you … inside me…god, that's just so dumb…"

" No, honey, I don't think that's dumb at all, " Willow says, smiling. She sits up, and leans over Faith. " Not dumb." She kisses her gently on the lips. Faith closes her eyes, enjoying the kiss.

When she opens her eyes, she notices that Willow is glowing.

" Hey…what's going on?" Faith asks, growing a little suspicious.

Willow puts her finger up to her lips, shushing her. She seems to float off the bed, and the glow around her increases, turning an iridescent blue. Faith watches in awe as Willow's body starts to lose from, merging with the glow. The glow starts to shrink.

Becoming smaller. And smaller. And smaller.

Finally the blue glow breaks apart, and a tiny little figure emerges, no bigger than 6" tall, an iridescent blue body with glowing amber wings and a shock of red hair. It flies over to Faith, landing on her chest.

" Hi, Baby," Willow says, in Faith's mind.

" Willow?" Faith is a little shocked , staring at the tiny blue figure wide-eyed. " Is that YOU?"

" Uh-huh," Willow laughs, pirouetting on Faith's chest. " What do you think?"

" Your so cute, and so… tiny" Faith says, still amazed. Except for the size and color, and the wings, it's a perfect little Willow dancing between her breasts. " Why?"

" Am I pretty?" Willow says, her body glowing faintly blue.

" Oh god, your gorgeous!" Faith says, smiling.

" Glad you noticed, " Willow floats up off of Faith.

" Where you going?" Faith asks, watching her buzz around.

" You'll find out, " Willow chuckles.

Faith watches as the Willow, leaving a glowing blue trail after her soars around the bed. Suddenly, she feels the sheet lifting off of her, and she's totally exposed.

" Hey, it's kinda chilly, baby, Give that back!" Faith complains.

" Don't worry, honey, you won't be chilly for too long, " Willow's voice giggles in her mind.

Faith watches as the tiny sprite seems to circle and roll around her. Then, as if it finding its direction, it dive bombs at Faith, the bluish glow heading straight between her thighs.

" Willow! What the hell… oh, my god!" Faith gasps

Faith feels the most incredible sensation she's ever felt. Willow's tiny wings are buzzing against her already sensitive labials. It feels as if cold blue sparks are shooting up her spine, directly to her brain.

"What are … you doing… to me?" Faith pants, already incredibly stimulated.

"Hmmmm…. You like that? You aint seen nothing yet."

Faith is already in heaven, the tingling increasing in her body. But then something happens that makes her forget all that. She feels something pushing against her lips, something warm and pliable and yet… pushing into her. She's never felt anything like this, and the tingles become electric jolts as Willow pushes her way inside Faith.

" Willow…wha…" Faith is almost incapable of words, her brain starting to catch fire. She feels something like a tiny pin pricking her inside. " Wha?"

" mmmm … licking my honey's honey. Nummies!" Willow murmurs softly in Faith's boiling brain.

Faith feels her body writhing on the bed. Even with the intense pleasure happening to her, she's worried about her diminutive lover.

" Will… maybe … stop… don't wanna… hurt… you" Faith gasps out, in utter ecstasy.

" I'm fine baby… but hold on, it's gonna be a little bumpy."

"Huh?" Faith is almost beyond thinking.

Faith didn't think it could feel any better, more intense. She was wrong

Almost as if on cue, suddenly it feels as if a thousand pair of tiny wings are vibrating up and down inside her. Faith's eyes go wide as intense wave after wave of pleasure hits her. No longer able to form words, she just makes sounds, moans and whimpers and groans. Again and again wave after wave of pleasure hits her brain, like storm tossed waves hitting the rocks on the shore. Every nerve in her body is singing, and she feels as if her body is being broken apart in a thousand pieces… then put back together again, to break apart once more. She is utterly, completely out of control of herself, her body writhing and bucking like mad on the bed. Finally, her brain , overwhelmed, shuts down, and she faints.

From inside her, a tiny blue glow emerges. It flies high over her, and begins to swell. As it grows larger, it's color changes, turning into a soft white glow. It breaks apart, and a full sized Willow is floating gently above Faith. she settles softly onto the bed next to her lover, wrapping her in her arms.

It takes nearly five minutes for Faith's eyes to open. When they do, she looks over, seeing a full sized Willow holding onto her. She stares at her, wide-eyed. She can't speak, she's still feeling the after effects of what happened to her. Willow just smiles at her, and snuggles closer to Faith. She waits while Faith recovers.

Finally Faith gasps out, her voice hoarse.

" What the hell was that?"

Willow smiles like the Cheshire cat. " Just making my lover happy."

Faith, exhausted beyond thought, quietly drifts off to sleep, holding Willow close.

* * *

" I want a baby!"

Faith and Willow have been in Faith's room for over two weeks, The idea of being separated, even for a few minutes, is more than painful to them. The only time they've gotten out of bed is to answer the call of nature, shower, and to answer the door for the delivery guy bringing food. Otherwise, they've been making with the horizontal sweaty.

Faith looks at Willow, a little startled. This was something she hadn't considered.

" A baby?" Faith asks.

" Yes. A baby. I want us to be a family, a real family with kids and all the stuff, " Willow says, munching down on the Moo Goo gai pan in her container.

" A baby, " Faith says, reflectively, " Yeah, I can see that … I guess we can look into adopting…"

" No… I mean, yes, later, we can adopt. But I mean, I want our first baby to be our baby. Yours and mine."

Faith gives Willow a strange look.

" Willow, honey, I'd give you anything, anything in the world, you know that. Anything I could, " She looks down at herself, " but lover, there's just some things I'm not equipped to do…" She lowers her voice, " You do know how babies come about, right?"

" Don't be a dope. Of course I do…" Willow turns the tables on her, " and I could always give you the proper equipment…" A mischievous glint comes into her eyes.

Faith's eyes bug out. " Don't you EVEN think about that one, Red!" Faith growls at her, " I like me just fine the way I am, thank you very much."

" Mmmmm… me, too " Willow crawls over the bed, and wraps her arms around Faith, kissing her neck. She brings her hands up, squeezing Faith's breasts. " Wouldn't give these up for the world, " She chortles, rubbing her thumbs over Faith's nipples. Faith begins to sigh. _God, I'm so easy._

" I think I know another way, however," Willow whispers into Faith's ear. " But I need to call the Coven in Devon to check on it." She slides away from Faith, and standing, walks over to the telephone.

Faith watches her go, noticing the sexy little sway in her ass as she walks. _Will I ever get less horny watching the sexy witch? Or will I just die of exhaustion, first?_ Faith chuckles to herself as she falls into a small drowse.

She wakes up rather suddenly when she feels herself being poked and pinched. Sitting up, she sees Willow standing over her.

" C'mon, Baby, get dressed. We need to go out. I need to get some supplies. C'mon, honey, get up!" Willow is pulling on her, trying to get her out of bed.

" Uh-uh," is all Faith says, as she wraps Willow in her arms and pulls her down on the bed beside her.

" I'm serious here, Faith, we really need to…" her words trail off as Faith begins to kiss her way down Willow's body. " … well, ok, " she says, panting, " maybe in a little while…" Willow gives in as Faith works her own magic on her.

Much later that evening, Willow sits in a circle of candles in the middle of the floor. She is dressed in her usual costume d' jour, meaning she's naked. Around her neck is a small necklace, a representation of Bast, the Egyptian goddess of fertility and childbirth. She is chanting while mixing some herbs and powders in a large incense burner in the middle of the circle.

Sitting across from her is Faith, looking a little bewildered. She also is naked, and is wearing a different necklace. It represents Min, the Egyptian god of fertility. She keeps looking at it, because it's representation is rather large and graphic. _How come I get the male part in this?_ She wonders, shaking her head, _I only hope this doesn't backfire. Not wanting any extra little surprises popping up on me._ What worries her most is that she has the uncanny feeling of being Vivian to Willow's Lucy, caught up in one of her crazy schemes. She lets the necklace fall on her chest, a small feeling of doom settling over her.

Willow stands up, and grabbing a small bag, walks around the circle, sprinkling a fine powder in a circle around the circle. She chants quietly. When she reaches Faith, she pauses briefly, sprinkling some of the powder on her, and saying a small prayer to the gods. She continues around the circle, still chanting. Finally, she reaches her place, and dusts herself with a little of the powder.

" Are you ready?" Willow asks, looking over at the somewhat reluctant Faith.

" Feeling really weird about this, Red. " Faith fingers her necklace, " you know I'm a little nervous about the hocus-pocus stuff."

" Faith, please, it's all prepared. All you have to do is say the lines I taught you."

" Ok, ok, " Faith grumbles, " but I better not be able to pee standing up after this hoodoo stuff!"

Willow shakes her head, smiling in amusement at Faith. Sighing, she begins the spell.

" Gaia, mother earth, we beseech thee to bless our union, and grant us this boon."

Willow waits for Faith's response, then cues her.

" Thank thee, Mother Earth, for this blessing" Faith says, feeling funny.

"Bast, Goddess of fertility and birth, look upon me. Wrap me in your arms, and bring me my lover's seed." Willow calls out.

" Min, God of fertility and virility, bring forth my essence to my love. Give her my seed, bring forth in her my child."

The candles around them flare. The powder Willow sprinkled on them smokes, filling the room with a light haze. Willow lights the mixture of herbs in the burner, and it burns low, bringing forth more smoke.

Faith begins to cough, but then the candles flare brighter.

The smoke swirls together, beginning to glow. It enwraps both Faith and Willow, and they find themselves lifted off the ground. They both float, lying on their backs, suspended by the glowing haze. Though their eyes are open, they seem to be caught up in the spell, their conscious minds dampened down by the mixture of burning herbs.

Slowly, the haze seems to coalesce around Faith, becoming a deep golden glow. It swirls around her, becoming tighter and tighter, then entering her through her skin. She seems to glow internally, her eyes, glowing that deep golden color. In herself, Faith feels as if her essence is gathering together, becoming one glowing orb within. Without warning, she feels a pull on herself, as if her essence is being drained from her. She cries out, in both fear and ecstasy.

Willow in the meanwhile is floating in a white milky sea of haze. Her mind floats relaxed and dreamily, until suddenly she feels energy flowing into her. Strong, powerful golden energy suffuses her being, filling her with a sense of completeness. Within her womb, she can feel a spark, something penetrating her egg. She is in bliss.

As slowly as the spell began, it ends. The haze surrounding Faith and Willow is dissipated, and slowly, very slowly, they float back to earth. They are deposited gently within the circle, next to each other. Both feel utterly serene, as if something wonderful, something miraculous has happened.

It has.

As they lay there, side by side, their hands reach out for each other. They are tired, exhausted. But it's a wonderful tired, a tired that comes from accomplishment.

Lying there, their fingers entwined, they sleep.

* * *

_**EPILOGUE**_

Somewhere in the Pacific

7 months later.

The sun kisses the Pacific Ocean in the west, as another day prepares to end.

On a private beach, the blue-green waters of the pacific lagoon lap gently against the white sands. Palm trees dot the shoreline, masking the beach house on the low cliff above. The breeze is cool and gentle, caressing the palm fronds and singing softly to the ocean.

Down the path from the private house a young woman walks towards the shore. She is naked except for a sarong hugging her hips. She walks slowly, because she is very, very pregnant. Carefully she picks her path down the stones, brushing back her long red hair over her shoulders. She smiles. This is her favorite time of day. Everything is quiet and peaceful, and the sun, which plays havoc on her pale, freckled skin, is not too harsh. She is carrying a small incense burner, to offer up prayers.

Kneeling carefully, she places the incense burner in the sand. She takes a match and lights it. Continuing to kneel, she closes her eyes against the setting sun.

She is nearly finished when she is startled by a pair of cold wet hands sliding around her, strong arms embracing her. She opens her eyes and smiles, looking back over her shoulder at her lover.

Her lover is bezel nut brown from the sun, her dark, long and unruly hair streaked by exposure to the sun and water. She, like her lover, is nearly naked, wearing only a very short sarong that barely covers her hips. She leans her head on her red-headed lover's shoulder, waiting for her to finish her evening prayers.

Willow opens her eyes, and leans back into Faith, reaching back and bringing Faith's face forward for a kiss. She loves the warm , safe feeling she gets from Faith's embrace. The kiss lasts a long time.

" Hi, honey," Willow says softly, snuggling deeper into Faith's arms.

" Hi, lover. How is my baby? Or should I say, babies?" She laughs quietly. She rubs her hand over Willow's distended belly.

" Ummm… hemorrhoidal. Feeling like an elephant. Uncomfortable, oh, and did you know our baby is gonna be a soccer star? Because she kicks like the dickens." Willow complains. Then she smiles broadly, " did I mention happy?"

" You forgot something, " Faith admonishes her.

"What?"

" Beautiful. Both my girls are utterly beautiful!"

" Oh you, " Willow slaps her hand softly. But she loves it, no doubt about it. " You're all wet again, and sandy."

" Uhhh … yeah, " Faith says, a little guiltily.

" You've been at the cliffs again, diving, haven't you?"

" Yeah" Faith admits.

Willow sighs. " Always the risk taker. Goddess, those cliffs have to be fifty feet high. What if you miss, and hurt yourself? What then? I thought you outgrew this when you were like, 10." Willow scolds her.

" Guess not, " Faith shrugs.

" I guess I can't complain too much. I knew what I was getting with you, " Willow covers Faith's hands with her own, " just remember, you've got a family to consider now."

" Yes, mommy," Faith gently mocks her. She earns another hand slap for that.

They sit silently for awhile, watching the sun.

"What're you thinking?" Faith asks, breaking the silence.

" We'll have to go back soon." Willow responds, a little note of sadness in her voice. She'll miss their little paradise.

" I know, " Faith agrees, " The bambina has to be born in a hospital. And I know you want Buffy and Kira there, to make a big old fuss over you and her."

"Well you betcha, " Willow says, poking Faith gently in the ribs," If I've got to go through agonizing hell so little miss princess can be born, you better bet your sexy ass there better be a fuss… a big fuss!"

Faith smiles, and hugs her tighter.

" And you, you've got to get back to what you've got to do." Willow says." There's a lot for you to catch up on."

Faith grimaces a little, feeling the weight of the world just barely suspended over her thin shoulders. She sighs.

" I know. We'll go back soon… too soon."

She pauses, and watches as the last of the sun disappears on the horizon.

" But not now."

" Not today."

* * *

Fin. 


End file.
